Even More Twitter Hall Of Fame! | Patreon Clips
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My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

My friend's still laughing at me to this day. Not everyone gets B2B, but with LinkedIn, you'll be able to reach people who do. Get $100 credit on your next ad campaign. Go to linkedin.com slash results to claim your credit. That's linkedin.com slash results. Terms and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to be, to be. That's hilarious. But yeah, anyway, we've got a Hall of Fame, no? Yes, I do. All right, I bet. Ah.

I'm stuck between what my favourite is, Twitter Hall of Fame or the IG questions. Because sometimes when I read some of the Twitter Hall of Fames, they render me breathless, brother. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. They're so funny. Some of them are really good. I'm going to start with this popular one because so many people sent this to me when this tweet came out. You've probably seen this as well. She saved my number as hmm. She told me it means he's my man. Yeah.

Yo. Fuck you, though. That's funny, funny. Girls be like, laughing my ass off, but don't even have one. Tough. That's a shank and a twist. That's a shank and a twist. That's a shank and a twist. Bro, flat body's not on, you know. It's so gender neutral. Nobody likes a flat body, male or female. And that's the thing as well. I'm all about, like, don't involve my ass in any part of our sexual encounter. But...

If I just happened to be walking down the street and someone was like, right, you got a flat ass in it. As a man, even so, I'd be like, what? I'll be shaking to my core. Yeah, what? I'll be, next day I'm squatting. Yeah. Oh, you'll see me hip thrashing, bare weight on the body. What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. As a girl, it's way worse. Oh God. It's way worse. Oh God. It's dread. That's demoralizing for a girl. No one wants a flat ass. You got the flattest ass. Oh, fuck you. What?

Fuck you. There's no other response. There's no other response. Fuck you. Oh my God. My only idea of budgeting is finding a better paying job. And that's facts. That's exactly the same as me. That's facts. Make me more money. That's it. I'm not spending less. I'm not budgeting my lifestyle because of what you want to pay me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm quitting and finding something better. Yeah. Facts. Speaking of Jack Harlow.

Jack Harlow got these bitches acting like he's prime Justin Bieber. He does. He has, bro. He's doing something that I don't understand. He's got the internet going wild. He's got a Jufro and he's just killing it. He's just killing it. He is the talk of the town at the moment. Obviously, his album just dropped last week or so. And people are saying it's very, very average. Some people are saying it's really good. And obviously, did you see? Did you see? So it was him.

Drewski and Drake at Churchill Downs. So the song Churchill Downs is a box in, I think Louisville, which is in...

I think Kentucky. It's Louisiana, you mean? Yeah, Louisiana, yeah. Yeah, it's the Kentucky Derby. Kentucky Derby, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's a, Churchill Downs is a box in the derby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw them there, yeah. And do you see his bodyguard or his men around him carrying him from one place to another because he didn't want to get his shoes dirty? Nah, I didn't see that. You didn't see that? Nah, I just saw him sitting on a ledge with bare feet. Oh, yeah, he's got that. I didn't like or save that video, but I'll find it and you guys can see it there in a sec. But yeah, bro.

He's got his man them carrying him like he's straight just carrying him like this. To save his crepes. To save his shoes, brother. Stop. I was like, he's just a talk of the town at the moment. He's the talk of the town. It's hilarious. Well played, man. Well fucking played. Laying on the skinny dude's chest really is like laying on a porch. There's nothing else you can do but be angry at yourself. Yes.

Bro, right. Because it's not their fault. It's yours. It's your fault. You're all ribs. That's your fault. Eat and train. Wow. There's no excuse. There is no excuse. You're all ribs. My best friend just told me she hates me. Actually, she says she wants to go hiking, but it's the same thing. Bro, I felt that. Fuck hiking. The day you asked me to help you move house a few years ago, I literally was thinking, you hate me. And I said, I'm pretty sure I said no the first time.

I think I said, please. Yeah, you did. You were like, no, honestly, please. I've got no one else to ask. You said, you said side of the lines of, you entered the conversation with, fancy pulling a sickie tomorrow. Did I? It was the next day. Did I? Fancy pulling a sickie tomorrow. And I was like, LOL, wagwan. You're like, I really need you to help me move.

Joke team. I figured I must have messed up. Joke team. No. You want me to drive three hours to Manchester to help you move house, which is the worst thing anyone could do. And then drive three hours home. And you want me to take a sick day for this. No. And you were like, no, Big Man's saying, please, James, I've got no one else. This is why you're my boy. Yeah. I'm 100%. I've said it 100 times. Two things a friend should never ask a friend. Help me move and drive me to the airport. Two things you should never ask.

Help me move, drive me to the airport. Otherwise, you hate me. You hate me, bro. Oh, that's hilarious. Fuck it up. Friends referencing a guy they're talking to. Sorry, let me start again. Friends referencing a guy they're talking to by everything other than the name is funny. Like, are you talking to BMW today? BMW. Fam? Fam.

Fucking hell. To be fair, we're bad for that. But at least we try harder with better nicknames. Yeah, we have an alias. An actual alias, not BMW. BMW? Yeah. Wow. I'm single, but I play house with this one liar from time to time. What? Wow. I play house with this one liar from time to time. Jesus Christ. I don't know who's benefiting from this. Fuck.

Fucking hell. Jesus. This one sweeted me. Someone said Batman and Kim Possible have the same powers and I haven't unclenched my fist since. Bro. Kim Possible was the shit back in the day. Was the shit. Bro. She had it all. She had it all down pat. She did. Hilarious. I got my red receipts on iMessage so they can see exactly what time I didn't give a fuck. Aww.

Fair play. People think it's... Let me start again, sorry. People think it's impossible to be 100% right at all times. Yet here I am, bold. Did a girl text that? No, a guy, brother. A guy wrote that? Yeah, a guy wrote that. Go on. Can you imagine this? I would love to see your face when this happens. If this ever happened to you, it's actually never going to happen to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just had a job interview at Walmart and they showed me a video of me stealing. Yes!

Fuhat? Oh my God. The interview's done. I will flip the chair and run. You would sit down. You'd be like, yeah, my name is blah, blah, blah. We're just going to show you a quick thing. And they play it. It's you being shady looking around stealing Snickers. Snickers.

and you're dipping out of warmer and then they pause it and they're like why should we hire you fam i would assume there's a security guard here just on your shoulder i'll be i'll be attention to the thing because i'm thinking i want to turn and run but i know there's a brother here because they're not just going to show me that and expect and let you go free yeah oh if i'm a red and died oh red and died brother they showed me a video of me stealing

Nah. Twitter Hall of Fame is the funniest thing. Men always battling demons when the demon... Let me start again. Men's always battling demons when the demon is them. Sorry. Sorry, innit? I don't know. Get you a girl that wears glasses. They take a little longer to see you ain't shit.

That is funny. Women fart in their sleep like crazy as well. Can't tell them there's too much though. They're so dramatic, they'll say they won't sleep at your house ever again. Rags. You can never tell a girl, bro, you fart in your sleep. You fucking fart in your sleep. You're a liar. You're a liar. You fucking fart in your sleep, babe. You fucking fart in your sleep. Yuck.

She will never come back. You're basically breaking up with me. If you want to dump me, say you want to dump me. Don't abuse me like that. You fucking fart in your sleep. It stinks. She's never coming back. Oh, she will change her diet that day. Oh, one million percent. The eggs that you've made her, she'd push it away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck. Same flatmate. Fuck you. Fuck you. You're a bellend. You're actually a bellend. Yo.

Only real motherfuckers try to change their life starting with push-ups at 3 a.m. Changing someone's name in your phone is really the start of separation. Oh, wow. Jesus. I flirt to see if I've still got it, but linking up is really crazy. Women, brother. Women. I skip test questions like I'm going to be a different person when I go back.

Bro. I've done that so many times, bro. Same, bro. In the exam season? Yeah. Maths, always maths. Maths or science, probably. Or science. Science. Fam, come back to it. I don't know this question. Let me come back. Yeah, once I'm warmed up. Yeah. My brain will know. Fam, it never knows. I'm like, what was I thinking? Why didn't I study what they asked me to study? You know? They're constantly saying it's going to be on the test. It's going to be on the test. Shut up.

I'm going to read what I'm going to read and I'm going to revise what I'm going to revise. I hate it here. Just run me the fucking exam. I hate exams. Therapy is not enough. I need to fight my dad. Fair enough. I don't know if I've read this one before. I offered this girl some noodles after sex and she said she had the nerve to say so everything here is two minutes. I've been suicidal since. No, you've not read that before. Everything here is two minutes. That's two. That's a lashing.

That's a lashing. That was so quick. She wants some noodles. Oh, so everything is two minutes. I've been suicidal since. Fam, I'll say some things I can't take back. If someone says that to me. I know you would. Oh, I'll say some shit I can't take back. I know you would. Oh, God. So this is a conversation.

At Debonair's Pizza. I bought pizza and it was just base. No cheese, no sausage, no meat, nothing. Reply from Debonair's Pizza. Hi there. We're concerned to read your feedback. Please DM us your contacts and order details so we can look into this. Reply. My apologies with this. We didn't have electricity, so I opened the box upside down. Thank you for the swift response. That's joked. Wow. So, hang on.

Man, open the box and say, what the fuck is this? And then tweet it. Before investigating further, just tweet it. Thank you for the swift response. Yo. Just tweet it. Anger. You can't do anything angry. You can't. You have to collect your thoughts sometimes. You have to collect your thoughts sometimes. Oh, there's jokes. Yo. Last one. If you're taller than six foot, your pronouns are fee-fi-fo-fum.

And then reply to that. I ain't forget the short motherfuckers with eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Don't do that. Don't do that. Are you under six foot? I'm not eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Don't you dare. If I said this, don't put me, don't lump me in with you. I'm not accepting that for a second. Stop it. Stop making me laugh. Oh, I don't mean my backache. All right, let's wrap this up, man. My head's hurting now. Woo.

That was hilarious. Fucking hell. What's up guys. Thank you very much for listening. That was a short clip from our most recent Patreon episode. Um,

If you enjoyed it and you want to get the full episode, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. Link is in the description. And once you're there, it's going to cost you a light, humble three pound a month. 10p a day. Run the P, you know the drill. Head on over today, guys, and enjoy. Thank you very much. Gang, gang.

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