Ep 171 - The Worst Lie To Leave A Mans Mouth | ShxtsnGigs Podcast
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$45 upfront payment equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only. Taxes and fees extra. Speeds lower above 40 gigabytes each detail. Yo! Literally, yo. That's hell. Bro. Man, our server are going to hell. Yeah, bro. Bro. And they just get away with these things. They just get away with these things, you know? It just doesn't compute with me. Oh.

Right guys, guan, oh my god I need some water, that tequila's licked my tonsils bro. What's good people, happy Monday, fun day, best day of the week, second best podcast in the world, chilling with your favourite duo, J Money, Fire on Wakes, and it's just, you know, it's a good day to be alive. It is a good day to be watching us, it's a good day to be listening to us.

Spring is springing and yeah man the sun's about regardless regardless depending on the country you're in is what the word I was looking for depending. Yeah man it's a good day. It's a good day. It's a good feel. It's a good vibe. It's a very good feel. It's a very good vibe and guys today is a very special day. A very special day because

Fear doesn't have a job anymore. Fear doesn't have a job anymore. Your boy has finally quit his job, guys.

Guys, I'm a full-time podcaster. I'm a full-time podcaster. I no longer work in the mentality. I can do this for the rest of my life for you guys. And it's because of you guys that I'm able to actually say this today. So I know I said it in the Patreon episode last week, but thank you. Honestly, thank you so much, guys, because you have given me the ability and you put me in a position where I can...

one be there more for my friends and my family and not have to think about going to work and have to give up my weekends and have to like book days off oh yes bro booking days off and booking times off all of that was such malarkey man i would always miss out on different things and it just they used to give me the maddest fomo the maddest fomo and yeah man

I am very very very happy very happy that I can finally say I no longer work in hospitality and yeah man that's down to you guys so I thank you guys so so so so much for that for the bottom of my heart and funny enough that was gonna be my fun fact of the day oh was it that is my fun fact I stole it from you it's fine brother oh I'm happy we're on the same page because you knew as well I'm happy you're on the same page because you knew as well bro like

It's been so overdue. Apart from Bella, who I live with, he's probably the only other person I complain to about work. And it's been a long time coming. I've been complaining about it since the beginning of this podcast. So yeah, man. Finally, guys, you will never have to hear me complain again. If I'm complaining, it's probably not going to be about this and it's probably going to motivate me more. So yeah, man. Let's fucking go. Man to man, camera aside, microphone aside, I'm very happy for you.

I'm very proud of you. I'm very happy for you. Thank you. I'm more proud of you because of like your mentality shift. Okay. Because I remember early days. When you say earlier, early podcast days? Early pod days. Okay. I rang you or I messaged you or whatever one time. I know what you're going to talk about. Yeah. And I said to you, how much will we be able to make in for you to quit your job? Yeah. And your answer was basically, you could be earning...

five bags a month from the pod something around these regions between three and five bags a month from here and you would still work because then you would have five bags plus work yeah yeah and i remember thinking you've lost your mind yeah you've lost your mind yeah yeah yeah um why you would choose to stuff like that i don't know yeah um but yeah as fam and then fast forward a couple years

You were handed a notice when unprovoked. Yeah. Fam, I'm very happy for you. I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Well done. Thank you. Welcome to freedom. Thank you. It's been nice over here. I can't imagine, bro. The weekends I've been weekending. Oh, it's, oh, I never have to work a double weekend shift again, brother. I don't think you understand what that means to me. Oh, I can imagine. I can only imagine it means the world because it means the world to me on your behalf. Oh,

So I can only imagine it means... It's... These 11.11s you've been saying just willy-nilly? 11.11 Saturday, 11.11 Sunday. And then obviously I have to travel down here and we have to record all fucking day. Mentally, I'm exhausted. Physically, I'm exhausted. Oh, fam. That means now you get to... On a Sunday, you can sleep from early. I'm fresh. Oh, on a Monday, you'll be rocking a boat on a Monday. Fresh, fresh. Bro? Ideas.

Hey, Dears and Chit Chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gang. Fuck. It's been a long time coming. This month has been the longest month because I've been looking forward to the end of it for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it feels like it's drag. Yeah, oh, 100%. I remember saying, like, as soon as you... Every notice I've ever worked in my life has been the biggest drag of all time. Bro, it's drag. Every shift. And I've only been working three days a week. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. I've only been working three days a week since January. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's drag.

them back-to-back doubles nah are not for the faint-hearted nah I'm not doing it yeah thank you guys your boy's free I'm here now I've stepped in the in the shoes of Jimmy he's he's free as well he's been free for a minute and yeah it feels good it feels great man it feels fucking great it's finally happened it has finally happened yes um so thank you so yeah we'll probably make a bit more content for you guys now that yes

Maybe. Yes. Maybe we will. Yes, yes, yes. Speaking of more content, guys, if you enjoy the episodes you get every Monday, you already know what to do. You need to pause the episode right now. Head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. We are trying to build in a ridiculous community. We want to have the biggest Patreon in the country. Going. We want to have the biggest Patreon in the country. There is...

a tiny little pod over in Liverpool called Have A Word.

And they crush it over there. They're killing it. They crush it over there. They've got every single scouser on Patreon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've literally got everyone in their city somehow managed to convert into patrons. It literally doesn't make any sense. So guys, we need to smash those guys. We do. We need to smash them because they're just cocky at it with it. They're just cocky. They just lay their dick on the table. And they're just like, what are you going to say to my biggest patron in the country? And we're like, nah, man, we're not going to have that anymore because our Patreon is up.

up, up. We're popping up. So what we need to do guys, patreon.com forward slash shitsyncgigs. You've got over two years worth of content over there to catch up on. And every single Thursday, you've got a brand new episode. Every single month you get to zoom meet with us and you get a consistent 30% off from now on, on the merch. So head on over there today guys, and let us know what you think.

Also, guys, if you are watching on YouTube, please subscribe to the channel. Chirp sitting in the comments. Like the video if you like the video. It helps us tremendously and we appreciate it every single time it's done. The numbers keep going up and up and up and up and we obviously are trying to build a cult-like community in the log cabin in...

Iowa, Ohio, Idaho. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's somewhere in the blissful terrain in the US. Really, really just no man's land. Really secluded. We need breeding grounds. White robes and Yeezys is the uniform. And guys, let's make that happen. 2023 is where we're going to head over there. And we're just going to clap cheeks, sleep,

and eat. That's it. And laugh. And laugh. That's all we're here for. That's literally what we're going to do. So just get on over there as fast as possible. Um, and lastly, guys, if you are listening to the smooth, mellow tones of your boys, Firelord Fwags and J Money here on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, wherever you listen to your, uh, podcasts, please, uh, follow us, subscribe to us and leave a review. Por favor. Mmm.

Because it makes a massive difference to our channel. It lets us spread the word a little bit more. And it means Fuhad can never get a job moving forward. Because all well and good quitting, but then if you have to go back in three months and you can't save face and all this stuff, it's embarrassing. You don't want to embarrass your boy over there like that. I'm not going back regardless. I'm not going back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, guys, thank you so much for that. Okay, guys. So we're going to mix up the format a little bit today and I'm going to do an Am I the Arsehole off the bat. Nice and early off the bat. Am I the Arsehole? So let's give this one a go. Okay, cool. So this one was sent from a nice gent on Patreon and this is a bit of a different one. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a bit of a different one. Okay. It's a bit of a different one. I'm not going to lie to you, bro. Okay. So let's have a read of it. So I, 16 male, have had a paper round for five months now. I think some info is in order first. So context, this paper round consists of me delivering 1,265 magazines to houses in my surrounding neighborhoods within five days and I get £60 for doing it.

Been there, brother. Been there. Mm-hmm.

I couldn't resist. Sorry. Right. At first, I was very happy to do it. And for the first two months, I did the completion. Pause. Despite my legs hurting or how much I complained. Pause. Yo. All right. Come on, man. Let's take it serious. Sorry, brother. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Right. Let me pull it up. Yeah.

At first, I was very happy to do it. And for the first two months, I did it to completion. Despite my legs hurting or how much I complained because I wanted the money. Fucking hell. Pause, man. One month, I figured out that the people don't check that I deliver all the magazines and I could do a certain amount that I pleased and dump the rest if I felt lazy. I now do this all the time. Okay.

Since this discovery, I have been dumping half of the, I've been dumping half and delivering the rest and the amount I deliver decreases every month as I continuously get lazier. Yeah, standard. Literally standard. I have been feeling guilty about this, especially since my mom could be hit with a 500 pound fine if they check the magazines and some haven't been delivered. Every month I have been getting paid no problem. So what's the harm, right? Am I the arsehole?

I think in hindsight, yes, you're an arsehole. But because of the fact you're not getting caught, you're not an arsehole. That's the only way I can see it. Because right now he doesn't feel like an arsehole. Well, he feels like an arsehole because of the possibility of him getting caught, which will affect his mum. That's why he's posing the question. But when he gets paid every month, he's living lavish. He feels lavish. It's true. But it's... Okay. I've literally only just had a thought about it. I'm going to let you finish your thought. But I've...

got in my mind the only plausible way that makes you not an arsehole. But I'll let you finish first and then I'll say it. Is he an arsehole? He's gonna have to take the L and be an arsehole, I think. Because he's putting his... Not necessarily putting his mum in a sticky situation. Like, five bills, I'm sure she can pay it. But it's the inconvenience of having to pay it and the thought that his son or her son or rather has been scheming and lying and he gets caught. That's the... That's the crux of it, in my opinion. So, yes...

In hindsight, you're an arsehole, but if you look at it in a different angle, you're not an arsehole as well. Because if you're getting paid £60 a month every month without getting caught, who's not going to do it? Yeah. So the thought that just popped into my head is, and for starters, I wouldn't necessarily be so trusting that the mum can just drop five bills. Of course not. Of course not. Yeah, yeah. Five bills is a lot. I know, I know. That's the reason, obviously, why he mentioned it. Yes, of course. So in my head...

The only way you're not an arsehole is if you've got the five bills to pay if you get caught and your mum doesn't have to drop a penny. So if you're willing to risk getting sacked plus have the five bills to give to your mum if they hit her with this fine, then in my opinion, you're not an arsehole because you're just playing the game. Playing the game and you've got yourself back. And you've got your bases covered. There's going to be no victims here. The only victim is going to be you when you get sacked. Mm-hmm.

But if you're playing this and you're taking your 60 quid a month and you're spending it on yourself, knowing that there's a possibility that when, not necessarily if, when you get caught, because you just said every month it gets less and less and less and less. When you get caught, you're willing for your mom to have to pay 500 pounds of her own money to cover your back. Then yes, you're not an asshole. You're a massive prick. You're a massive prick.

But if you can save £500 over the course of however many months you're going to do this for and then live lavish after that, just to make sure your mum's pattern no matter what, then in my opinion, you're not an arsehole. You're just playing the game. If they're not going to check, then they're not going to check and you're literally just playing the game. But if you're going to make your mum take the fall for this...

knowing that she will pay it because she legally doesn't have a choice, then you're scum of the earth. Because the whole thing is under his mum's name as well, isn't it? Yeah, you're scum of the earth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're saying is that I'm risking it and the worst case scenario is I'm going to feel a belt at the end of this.

Worst case scenario I'm feeling a belt And my mum's gonna have to take the rap Because what if your mum doesn't have five bills to spare? What if she literally doesn't have it? I mean he I don't see any Possible opportunity for him to even have the five bills of his own Like you get £60 a month Yeah so this is what I'm saying He's gonna have to If he can keep his scheme up for like a year Five months minimum to get the five bills

So I don't... Five months minimum. What am I talking about? That's 300 pounds. What are we talking? Eight months? Seven months? Something around those lines. Let me just check. What is it? Five bills. So it's 500 divided by 60. Eight months. Eight months. But I...

that's without him spending a single penny it's eight months minimum to have the five bills and he's obviously spending it so it's like he's but that's that's what I'm saying that's the risk of the game bro because at the end of the day is yes granted he has to save that money but if he sacks off the job before he gets caught then that money's his true so it's a win-win true

But if you can keep it up for eight months or spend half of it and do it for 16 months, I don't know what you want. I don't know how you want to play it, bro. But in the world of Amad the arsehole, unless you're doing that, in my opinion, you're a massive arsehole. I hear you. I hear you. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense. Makes sense. You are an arsehole. Yeah, you are an arsehole. Because I know that's not what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The fact that you're on Patreon, I know that's not what you're doing.

True, man's using that 60 and splurging on whatever he wants whenever he wants. Yeah, I know you're spending three on Patreon. Yeah, minimum. I know you ain't saving every penny. But yeah, bro, unless you're going to save at least...

help with the situation granted like I said I don't think it's necessarily a plausible situation that you've been saving every single penny to then give to your mum but you need to be saving satin bruv you need to have at least half there you need satin there that when it does happen be like rah I fucked up

Here's all the money I've saved. Use it on the fine. Like it needs to be something substantial. I don't expect you to have the whole five bills, but if you've got 250, if you've got three, something, I don't know anything, bro, because you can't let your mom run this fine when it happens. Cause if you think for a second, you're the first person that has a paper route who thought of the genius idea to dump it. You're off your head. There's a reason there's a fine there in the first place. Cause they expect you to do it.

There's no way I'll be doing a paper route. True. I've never done one. I've never ever, ever seen myself, obviously, back when I was younger, do one either. Yeah, my little brother had one and it was long. I can imagine. I remember he had to like,

fold up the papers they all get delivered to the yard and then you have to fold them in this specific way so even before you're doing the delivery you have to do this three way fold put it like in the bag go out on your bike deliver all the papers come back to the yard fill up again go to the next neighbourhood deliver all the long fam long bro how much was he getting do you remember pennies pennies they weren't much

It was long fam. I'm not doing it. There's no way I'm doing it. I remember my mum cussing me. Of course. Why don't you get a paper out? Your brother's younger than you. He's worked himself getting a paper. I was like, I ain't doing it. Get a paper out. You're off your head. If you think I'm doing this. Yeah. Nah. For money. What do I need money for? You always say that. I'm 16. I don't need money. Yeah. What do I need money for, bro? For sweeties and that.

Cinema, nah. I can go without. If you're tossing cinema or this, no cinema it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. I'll take the L. I'm not doing all of this. I've been against work my whole life. I still to this day don't know why, but I've been against work my whole life. I know, G. It's weird. Apart from shit that I want to do. Of course. You don't like working for other people. Yeah, I just don't like working for other people. Like, tell me to diet for 16 weeks a week.

to get on stage and fucking do that and that's for free if i want to do it i'll do it yeah tell me to fucking do this podcast for god knows how long we were doing it before we made a single penny buy all the equipment do all the editing learn how to edit do the sound engineering all these things for free if i want to do it i'll do it but yeah tell me to do something just for p that is death and i don't care about the p i promise you i'm not doing it

I promise you, it just doesn't make sense. It literally doesn't make logical sense. I told you. You man are living in a simulation. I'm not doing that. I have to commend you for sticking to your guns and certain things, bro. It's true. I have to. I have to. I honestly have to. Thanks, I guess. It's not even a backhanded compliment or anything. It's a fact, bro. You're very stern with what you know you do and don't want to do. Like when we used to work at...

Was it Hush or The Hub? The Hub in... Oh, I mean, the bartending thing. The bartending thing at The Hub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At Cov. Bro, as much as I... I think that was one of my first... Not my first job, but it was one of my first few jobs. And I just stuck through until I didn't do it anymore. I think after a few weeks, you were gone. Oh, yeah. I think I made it like three weeks. You were gone, bro. You didn't care. I was like, damn, man. I don't want the money. I was like, all I was thinking is I want the money. Don't you? That's what I kept on thinking. Don't you? Yeah.

It baffled me because don't you want the money? It's work. I remember thinking I want the money, but I don't want to do this more than I want the money. I want to be in bed right now more than I want the money these men are going to pay me. So it's a no, in my head, it's a no brainer. Plus there was no going home time. The going home time was when the job was done. And I remember seeing boss man,

Whoever was running the thing, I literally remember he used to stand up on the balcony and tell us what to do. Scrub under the tables, pick off, make sure there's no chewing gum on the thing. I remember thinking, you're not doing nothing. You're just better than everyone to do stuff. You're literally not doing anything. And you think you could just tell them, no, I'm sick tomorrow and I'm sick the next day and I'm sick the next day. And the only ones I liked doing...

was working the day shifts the day shifts were very very very few and far between but i think i only worked like two of them get there for like 10 so you still get to like wake up at a reasonable time you get there for 10 you serve no one all day apart from alcoholic students yeah who rock in before between lectures yeah and grab a quick shot oh my days and then you can judge them in silence yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you might have to do a bit of a stock check um

And then those days, you go home. When your shift ends at three, you're going at three. Of course, yeah. Because there's fuck all else to do. Of course. Those ones were paying. But the whole evening ting, you start at eight, nine, whenever it was, supposed to finish at three, but you don't leave till five. Yeah. But you're not paying me till five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're paying me till three. Because there's no, I don't see a clock out machine here.

Yeah. You're paying me till three. Yeah. I'm not a mug. I hate... Oh, I hated it. Yeah, I remember the day they bailed me to say don't come back. I remember the day they bailed you. I was at Harvester. I was at Harvester hunting down some Red Devil sauce. That's what I was doing. Because I called in sick for the ninth day in a row. I just... Oh, yeah. That's hilarious. I hate... Oh, I just hate... I know you do. You hate working for people, do you? I do hate working for people. I hate working for...

I hate the idea that like you can put in more work and not get anything more out of it. It just doesn't make sense. Yeah. Yeah. I completely agree, bro.

it just doesn't make sense you've used this an example like if we put a thousand hours into this we're gonna make ten thousand pounds more yeah like if someone says like bro i need you to do x y and z or if you said bro like can we look i know um we're recording on monday but i've got some extra content ideas can we record on wednesday as well i know those extra hours on wednesday we're gonna make more money we are gonna be so it's fine yeah yeah it makes sense yeah let's do that

Because we'll make more money. But the whole like, oh, can you stay late? Can you do this? Or can you do that? Or like, we've got this much to get through. Like, you've only got an hour left in your shift, but we've got this to do. Can you like fucking bust your ass and do this for the last hour? It's like, cool. More money? Nah. Same money. We'll fuck off then, obviously. But if you don't do it, you're sacked. It's a weird situation, isn't it? It's weird, bro. But...

yeah man i'm happy i'm out of that now i'm very happy i'm out of that now i'm happy you're out of it fuck i'm happy um and it's funny because you know we had the conversation we had the conversation a little while ago about um deserve okay term the terminology between deserve this oh yeah you deserve the money and all these things yes i remember and um one half of me was like yes the other half of me was like not really um because doctors deserve it um and

I spoke to one of our boys about it and agreed in terms of like, I would agree that you deserve it based on having the bollocks to do it. Because there's, in another dimension where you go down the same path, there's a version that's the exact opposite of this. There's a version where you kill yourself for two and a half years and get...

nothing for it and you chase your dream for two and a half years flat out every monday every thursday and you try your absolute best yeah and you invest time and you invest money and passion yeah and you see zero benefit and you go back to your nine to five and you go back to your job heartbroken fuck broken yeah out of pocket out of time yeah

your dreams literally shattered. Yeah. You don't know what to do with your life anymore. You feel like you've got no purpose. There is a version of that. So there I would agree that you deserve it for even taking that risk. Yeah. Because a lot of people won't take that risk because that other version, just even saying it, sounds fucking tragic. A lot of people don't take the risk, man. And I feel like

With us We are very very lucky When I say us I literally mean me and you Like we're very very lucky In the sense that

One, we somewhat, our adult life, we kind of grew up together. Like we've known each other for X amount of years. We went to the same uni, we share similar stories and we happen to have great chemistry. Hence the reason why this is plausible, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without that background, without that basis, I don't think we would have lasted this long. Of course not. Do you know? Of course not. We are very, very, and also we are very fortunate in a sense that

It's the both of us on the show. If you really wanted to do this, which you really wanted to, and I decided to come in as a guest, for example, to do an episode with you or a couple episodes with you, and it was just your show,

It may have also panned out very differently. Oh, 100%. It wouldn't have lasted, fam. So, yeah, we are very, very, very lucky. Super lucky. We are very lucky in that aspect. And other people don't have that other person they can depend on or talk to or, you know, bounce things off. Yeah, fam, it's true. And even the people that do, sometimes it just doesn't work. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work out. And it's fucking grim. And that happens, I'm not even going to say some people, that happens the majority of the time. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, fucking hell. There's only 10 spots in the top 10 podcasts. There's literally only 10 spots. There literally are only 10 spots. We're in there. I wasn't going to say it, but yeah. We are in there. I'm not bragging. It's a fact. It's a fucking fact. Google it. We're in there. You know, it's totally taken two and a half years, but we're in there. You know, that's so jokes. It's not our fault.

But anyway, you've got a trash news now. Yes. I saw this on Ladbible not too long ago. It's about Mike Tyson. I've been loving Mike Tyson. So obviously we all know about Mike Tyson. He's got his hotbox and he's got his weed farm and all that stuff, right? Oh, I think I know what you're going to say, but yeah, go on. The edibles. Yeah, the is. Mike bites. Mike bites. Mike bites.

So for those that don't know, Mike Tyson fought Evander Holyfield years ago. I think it was like 1997. It actually was 1997. He fought Evander Holyfield in 1997. And in that famous fight, he bit a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear off. So Mike Tyson has now created edibles called Mike Bites, which are half-bitten ears.

as edible treats, which I think is fucking genius. Of course. I think it's fucking genius, but yeah, I'm a read is just the synopsis. So Tyson has made a huge amount of money in the world of weed. And now it appears his next venture includes selling edibles in the shape of an ear with a new product being labeled as Mike bites. Smart as fuck. The edible is of course, in reference to Tyson being disqualified for biting a chunk of Evander Holyfield's ear during the WB, WBA heavyweight championship title in 1997. So,

Tyson was fined $3 million by Nevada State Athletic Commission for his actions and didn't fight again for over a year, while doctors performed a 90-minute procedure to try and save Evander Holyfield's ear. That's so peak. The bizarre incident is still talked about to this day, but despite the shocking nature behind the ear bite, the pair have since patched up the differences. But yeah, that's what the...

Yeah, I've seen it. That's so smart. It is hella smart. That's so smart. It reminds me of what I was saying the other day about...

Like cancel culture. Yes. And like leaning into your villain. Yes. And just being who you are and you owning what you did and all these things and people can't cancel you. It's just like, bro, like he did the worst fucking thing you can do. And like if cancel culture was a thing back then, he'd be done at it. Yeah, he wouldn't be able to fight again. Yeah, he wouldn't be able to fight again. Like you'll be done at it. But he's open about who he is. He's open about this fucking scary guy who's got suffered with serious mental issues to the fact that he can bring out

And a weed edible in the shape of the ear, in the literal, in the image of the villainous act that you committed. Yeah. And people are going to go crazy for it. Crazy. Because you just own who you are. He probably sent a care package box to Evander Holyfield's yard. Oh, probably. Probably backed them off. Backed them all off. Yeah. I'm impressed, man. That's good. He's a genius. He makes cake, Fouhad. I know he does. He makes cake, Fouhad. I know he does.

It's crazy, bro. Mike Tyson makes money, bro. It's crazy, bro. I know. I know. From the podcast, the hotbox weeting, from Mike Bites, from his endorsements, obviously from P Boxing, all...

yeah he's got that obviously he's doing like the retired boxing ting as well making a beat from there he makes money bro he's a businessman and he's always high off his tits I don't know how he manages to get anything done oh bro whoever's working in his team is doing bits yeah yeah he's out of it half the time it's absolutely ridiculous but yeah man fair play to him that's cool

Before we do the funny funnies, you said you had a little game song. So have you heard of the game Wordle that's been going around? Oh my God, yes, I've heard of it. So you know the context of the game? Yeah, so basically, I'm pretty sure this is what you do, right? So you, correct me if I'm wrong, it gives you a word.

Or you try... It gives you... Yeah, it gives you a word, right? It doesn't give you a word. What does it give you? It gives you nothing. It gives you nothing? It gives you nothing. Oh, that's it. So, yeah, it gives you just the letter... Like, how many letters are going to be in it. Yeah. The number of spaces you've got. Yeah. So you make up a word... Yeah. ...that fits like a five... So if it gives me five blocks... Yeah. ...I type in a five-letter word, and if any of the letters...

are in it, it will tell me. And if any of those letters are in the correct place, it will tell me. So if I know there's an A in there, but it's the wrong place, I just need to find other words. And you've got a certain amount of tries to find your word, right? Exactly. Okay, cool. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly why I was wanting to talk about it.

I only, because I've seen it being tweeted before. Oh, okay. In terms of like, it doesn't tweet the actual game. It tweets like blocks in terms of the colors of whether you've got it in the right position or not. And I see, I've seen it so many times and I think, what the fuck are these men tweeting? Are these men typing this in? Like, where is this coming from? Yeah. Where is this fucking coming from? It was baffling me for weeks.

And then I had seen the name Wordle and I probably associated it to you, but couldn't care less. So I didn't really pay mind to it. And I was talking to one of my colleagues the other day.

this was when I was obviously still working there and she was telling me, I think she was asking me if I played the game and I was like, big man, I've been hearing about this. Talk to me about this game because I'm getting angry. I'm getting angry now. I'm seeing it everywhere and I don't even understand why, why, you know? Then she, she literally said exactly what you said, but it's, um,

you it's a it is five letter words and you get six tries oh it's always five letter words always five letter words to my knowledge anyway okay to my knowledge always five letter words and you get six tries to guess the word of the day it's there's one word every day same word every day and it resets every 24 hours so at midnight it will reset so if i've got the word right

The same word would be yours as well. Oh, that makes sense. Throughout the whole thing. Interesting. So you are right in a sense that let's say the word is like I've done the one for today on the way down on the train. Let's say I've typed in smart, but the S is in the right place. So the word S will light up green. The M, the A, the R, the T.

let's say the T is in the word but it's in the wrong place, it will light up yellow. - Yeah. - And everything else will be gray because they're not in the T. - Yeah. - So I found I was racking my brain. - Did you manage to get it done? - I got the one today. - Yeah. - I got it in three tries. - Gang. - And I wrote, my first word was, what did I write? I can't remember, something like teams or something like that. And I got two of the letters in there. I've got one letter in the right place and two letters yellow. I was thinking, fuck,

So I started racking my brain, right? And the good thing about it is obviously it shows you the, it shows you the keyboard. So you know what letters you can kind of pin it with. So for example, T was in the right place. So I was thinking, there's no other things that could really go with T, either than T-H, T-E, T-A, T-C. So you can actually like pinpoint it. And I got this, the second one I got wrong. And then third, I was thinking,

I was thinking T-O, no. T-E, no. And what, T-H? I was like, ah. I forget that T-H is a ting, you know? You start to lose your mind with this game. Oh, yeah, I bet, bro. And I wrote it because I got T in the right place and I got R in the right place. Yeah. And I wrote there. T-H-E-I-R. Yeah. I was like, gang, go ahead. Go ahead, the third try. So I was like, yeah. It's going to be your new ting, isn't it? It's my new ting. It's a brain teaser. It reminds me of Sudoku so much. Yeah. Even though it's nothing to do with numbers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It gives me that same kind of brain spasm and I love it.

brain spots but you know what I mean it's like sparks something oh 100% yeah yeah yeah it's a good teaser it's a really good teaser

So what? A man on Twitter throwing up spoilers? No, that's the thing. It throws up, like remember I said to you, it just shows you, if you've got the letter in the right place, it shows you the colour green, the grey, grey, grey and yellow. It will come up with like six rows of five spaces of different colours. So it could be like green, green, grey, grey, grey. Then it'll be green, green, grey, yellow, yellow. That's how it comes up on Twitter to show how it's done.

until they got green, green, green, green, green, you know? Cool. And I see that, but it doesn't show anything else. Interesting. I think, what the fuck are you man tweeting? Interesting. What the fuck are you man tweeting? It baffled me for time, bruv. For time.

That's jokes. But yeah, I finally now understand what it is. And yeah, man, I'm involved. All right, calm. I'm involved. I'm about to jump on. I'm involved. I'm about to jump on. I don't think it's an app because the girl that sent it to me sent me a link. Yeah, I think it's an online thing. It's an online thing, yeah. Yeah, I'm about to jump on. Bro, it's... Yeah? Yeah, man. It makes you tap into something else. Calm, calm, calm, calm. It makes you tap into something else. Calm, calm, calm, calm. But yeah, that's what I'm on right now. It's a good game. What Instagram segment have you got for us today? Ooh.

So this one was, it wasn't one that I did via socials. It's one that I found on socials that I just wanted to regurgitate. So this lovely breader, he tweeted, his name is Jack Devereaux. Ladies, what is the worst lie you have heard come out of a man's mouth?

And the quote tweets and replies were endless. Oh, wow. Yeah. We got sent this bare times, didn't it? Yeah. I haven't read really any of that. I think I've read one which sweetened me. But yeah. We got sent that quite a few times. And I'm going to tweet it constantly. So I think I saw that prior to even seeing the DMs of the ones we got from about this. Oh, okay. Cool. You know? And yeah. Let me read them out. Cool. If I can find them again. What is it? Cool. Cool.

So again, ladies, what is the worst lie you've heard come out of a man's mouth? Bet. I found a bra in his suitcase and he said it's from, he said it's from when he was fat years back. He said he had saggy titties and kept him to remind him of how far he's come from his weight loss journey. Can you imagine? Fam, that's hilarious. That's a lie. Big man. That's...

That's too formulated. That's too formulated. He's had that ready just in case he ever gets clocked. Bro, that's hilarious. Saggy titties back in the day, I just keep it as a memento. As a bit of memorabilia. That's a lie, lie. Fucking hell. Wow. So this next chick said, my friend says she found a pregnancy test, but it was negative. Then her boyfriend said it's his. He wanted to see if it worked on males too. But that doesn't even make sense. Yeah.

Sometimes mandem don't even think when they speak, bruv. Oh my God. This one time I got discharged from hospital early. I walked in on him smashing another chick. I was still weak, so I passed out. I woke up in our bed. When I confronted him, he said it was probably a bad dream I had from falling.

Yo, literally yo. That's hell. Bro. Man, our son are going to hell. Yeah, bro. Bro. And they just get away with these things. They just get away with these things, you know? It just doesn't compute with me. Next one. Said he booked a hotel room because he needed the Wi-Fi. Fucking hell. That's wild. That's wild.

He disappeared for three weeks during December. He came back after Christmas and said he went for a second circumcision. Calls were not allowed. Fucking hell. Fucking hell. That's made my head hurt. Watched my boyfriend at the time buy another girl a drink at the bar and he told me he was networking. Fair play.

Jesus. Saw I love you text from his note. I saw an I love you text from his notifications. When I asked him to unlock his phone, he said he forgot his fingerprints. That's the dumbest thing ever. That's annoying. That's just annoying. Oh, fucking idiot. Ex-boyfriend was texting another woman. Found a message that said, I can't get you out of my head. When I confronted him...

Told me she was the biggest Kylie Minogue fan and I was being crazy. Guys are wild. Oh my days. Man said she was singing lyrics. I just can't get you out of my head. Guys are going to hell, man. Kylie Minogue fan, you know, found a panty in his closet and he said that it belonged to his late mum and he smells it for good luck. I believed him. That's a lie. You didn't believe, surely not. This is what she said, brother.

This is what she said, brother. I smell it for good luck. Man even threw in the smelting in there. Not even that's all I've got for her or whatever. Fucking hell. My mate found her boyfriend actively on Tinder and he said that he was looking for his long lost friend. So man, he had hickeys on his neck and he told me the mosquitoes were particularly vicious last night. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

Yeah, that's funny. Fuck's sake, that's funny. Oh, Jesus, man. He told me he needed time to himself, but he was in jail. Oh, wow. I would lie if I was in pen, though. Oh, so would I. Because my girl's going to leave me. I'm lying. So would I. If I can get away with lying about being in pen, I'm going to lie. How are you even communicating this lie? Fuck knows. That's the thing. Fuck knows. Fuck knows.

My ex said he cheated because his sister had an eating disorder and it was really hard for him. So I had to just release tension with this nut. That's the shitting on the doorstep all over again. Wow. Shitting on the doorstep all over again. Wow. Fuck me, man. All right. This is a long one. I don't remember writing this one. I found a picture of my ex-husband in a family photo with a woman and a baby.

He told me a woman from work asked him to give her a ride to the photo place. The photographer noticed they happened to be dressed alike and asked him to jump in the photo shoot, so he did. That's a bold-faced lie! What the fuck? What the fuck? Nandem! Oh, we need to do better than this, man. We need to do better than this, man. Fuck.

That's your wife and kid. Man will lie. Man will lie to avoid everything. Any confrontation, man will lie. In his head, it made sense. It made sense in his head. Oh, that's too bad. How do you come up with that on the cuff? I don't know, brother. How is that possible? Jesus Christ. I asked him to jump in, so he did. Oh, that's hilarious. That is hilarious. Said the woman I caught him cheating with is going up...

go on nah go on go on go on go on go on nah go on said the woman he said that the woman i caught him cheating with is going to open a rape case against him if you don't break up no no no no no no no no wow

I caught him in bed naked with another woman. His reply. Are you going to believe me or your lying eyes with all his might? Oh, with all his might, you know, fuck it out. All right. Last one. Last one. All right, cool. Found out my ex was cheating on me with my sister because he, because he called her babe. And his excuse was I was teaching her how to flirt.

I just don't understand, bro. I've told some lies in my day. So have I, but fucking hell, man. These are so like, they're so obviously a lie, but it's like, how are you coming up with these things? You know, they're blatantly lies, but they're so funny that it's, they're believable in a sense. Because they're just so ridiculous. They're so ridiculous. It makes it so believable. Yeah. Because no one else is saying this but Mandem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's all isolated incidences. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My man hasn't repeated the same thing twice. Oh, 100%. It's nuts, brother. Wow. It's nuts. So, oh, yeah, but yeah. That was a funny one for me. When I was reading them, that was a funny one for me. Yeah, what one did I see on there? I think the only one I read is funny enough, not one you even read out, was something like, she said, I found high heels under his bed and he says he wears them to change the light bulbs. Yo, I think I saw that one. Sweeted me.

sweetened me. Use them to change the light bulb. Who can think of something so quickly? Liars, bro. Liars can. That's it. Men. To be fair, back in the day when I was a younger man, I used to lie. I know you did, James. I used to lie. I used to lie. So to be fair, some of them aren't too... I'm thinking now, like, rah, how do men think of these things? But there's a couple of lies I've told when I was younger that could make that list.

I'm not even going to say what they are. When you're on the spot, when you're put in a corner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. There's someone there that would make that one. I'm not even going to say what it is. The one that you always bring up would make it there. Of course. The screensaver thing. You've spoken about it before here. Have we actually spoken about it before? Yes, we have, brother. Are you sure? This was pre-Stew. 100% I remember. Pre-Stew.

Pre first dude. Yeah. All right. I couldn't believe it when you told me. All for some Tom. I couldn't believe it brother. I couldn't believe that would definitely make the list. Oh yeah. That would definitely make the list. I don't remember what was going through my mind when I said that. Fuck bro. I don't even think I don't even remember saying it. I just remember telling you that's why I said I wasn't proud of it. I don't even remember saying I don't even know who the girl was. I don't remember the situation. I just remember telling you that's why I said it.

It was too funny, James. Oh, God. It was too funny. But yeah, moral of the story is men are liars. Men are liars. Women are liars as well. Women are also liars. They're so smart with it. Yeah. Because women don't lie and then keep quite like, for this, for example, I used, oh, why the fuck you got high heels? Oh, babes, I used them to change the fucking light bulb. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like she's going to have so much retaliation for that. Yeah. Yeah. And then don't have a chance to like women. They will lie to you and then keep the conversation going. So you didn't have a chance to remember that she just lied to you 10 minutes ago. Women will hit you with the, oh babes, why is there a homeboy shoes under your bed? It's like the fact that you're looking under my bed is the real issue. Do you understand how toxic that is?

Fouad, do you understand? The toxic behaviour. This is why I don't feel safe. That's what I've lived with. This is why I don't feel safe in my own home. This is why when I'm talking about marriage counselling, this, that, you don't want to hear it. Fouad, this is why I don't feel safe. You've forgotten about the crepes. All you're hearing now is marriage counselling. All you're hearing now is marriage counselling. You've forgotten about the crepes. Liars!

You know what I mean? Yeah, there would never be a list of women because we don't even remember when they lied. Exactly. Because they've taken us so far left. We don't even remember what the argument was about. That's what they always do. Fuck, they never stick to the argument. Fuck, it's always our fault. When it's our time to argue, it's our fault. It flips back on us. Oh, it's hilarious. It is hilarious. When you look at it from like hindsight and like the third person, it's fucking hilarious. Oh, fuck me. But yeah, man. That was funny. Anyway, guys. That was funny.

Love to have you this Monday as always. You know what to do if you want to get the bonus episode on Thursday, make sure you head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs. Thank you so much for your time and attention. And as always, guys, love, love, love. Gang, gang, gang.

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