Ep 115 - Black Man Time | ShxtsnGigs Podcast
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My dad works in B2B marketing. He came by my school for career day and said he was a big ROAS man. Then he told everyone how much he loved calculating his return on ad spend.

No, no. Was I turned on? No. But did I go yuck, yuck? No, no.

Okay guys, what's up? What it do? It's Monday. Monday. Monday, fun day. 20th. We're feeling good. We're on the back end of September. Everything's going well, man. Next week will be two years. Yes. We're nine days away from the two-year mark. Nine days away from the two-year mark, guys. Crazy, bro. September 29th, 2019 is when we started this journey. Yeah.

We're nearly there on two year mark and it just feels like, well, I think we said this on the live. It feels like we've been doing this forever, but it also feels like we haven't. Because we're so in it, we're in this podcasting world every day. We think about it every day. We try and improve it every day.

we know we don't really take the time to like step out of our bubble and look at what we've achieved you know bro it's hard sometimes it is very difficult plus i don't like to self-congratulate either so i just look to just keep it stepping you always want to improve you always want to prove you yeah yeah whatever we've achieved now it's never going to be good enough we're always looking at the next thing always looking the next thing like the goals this goal needs to be ticked off that goal needs to be ticked off so yeah man i do hear you like same prime example was um

when we did the the spotify charts thing the other day yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i looked it and i was like gang but at no point was i like fucking hell like if you would have told me two years ago like give it two years you'll be like top 30 yeah yeah yeah in the in the country i would have taken that i was taking i ran with it in the country i would be like what are you sure no not us no never that fam now i'm ready and i was like cool

But where's that? What's that top 10 saying? If this is what top 30 feels like, what's top 10? What's that top 15? What's that top 10? That's what I'm trying to smell. Yeah. Yeah. I sat on it for like four seconds and then just moved on in the glory of the top, whatever. Um, but yeah, it's, uh, it's cool. I need to check it today. Actually.

Does it? So is it you checking? I thought they send you emails. No, I check it. Ah, say no more. I thought they sent you like a, cause you know how YouTube do every month. They send us all like, I thought that's what they said. They don't send it. It just goes on. Cause I never, so basically with the stats and stuff, I never, I've already checked the stats anyway, but, um, obviously for, um, thingy purposes, um,

Sponsorship purposes. They ask you for stats. Oh yeah, for stats, of course. And I never check them. So they ask for like Spotify stats. So I logged in to check what they were and then it has like your chart position in there. So I could have been checking it every day.

We could have been number three at one point. I don't know. Does it show you, does it only show you where you are? It doesn't show you. It doesn't show you where you've been at. No, no, no, not that's not what I was going to say. Does it show you where everyone else is at? No. It just shows you. It just shows you who you are at. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. It shows you exactly what I showed you. That's what it shows you. Okay. Nothing else. Okay. But yeah, and then obviously I logged in yesterday. What was it? When we posted the thing, what were we like 29th? I've still got it. I think we were like 29th. I can't remember. And then when I checked yesterday, we were 21st.

Because I remember seeing the second one, I think the one in the UK. So the comedy one was regular. It was like 88. Yeah. So yeah, comedy was 29. Podcast in total was 88. Yeah. And then yesterday, 21 and 55. 59. 59. Yeah. That was an Excel. That's a good Excel. Yeah. But yeah, guys, I hope you're well.

ah let's just get straight into it man fucking hell what's the fun facts um this one's actually a decent one today um it's about the simpsons okay um so obviously everyone knows that matt groaning is the one that um started the simpsons and blah blah blah but um did you know that the simpsons was based on his immediate family oh really you don't you know who is he but who is he let me speak maggie let me speak bro

So in 1987, Matt Groening sketched a cartoon of his own family and presented it to Fox 34 years later.

um it's presented to fox 34 years on the simpson franchise is now worth 10 billion dollars is one of the longest running tv series ever and has several income streams merchandise adverts video games apps or app games rather movie books and a theme park fucking theme park theme park yes i'm sure it's in disneyland disney world disney world yeah i've been there i'm sure it's in disney world yeah yeah um

All while still maintaining high viewership levels over the years. Groening is now worth $750 million. And the Simpson franchise is one of the highest value TV franchises in all of history. And it's all based on his actual family. So Abe Simpson is Abram Groening, his actual grandfather. His actual pops rather. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His dad. Yeah. He's Homer. Wait, wait, hold on.

Oh, no. That's his grandfather. Yeah, okay. So, granddad is his granddad. His granddad is his granddad. Homer Groening is actually Homer J. Simpson. So, his father's name was actually Homer. Yeah. Marge Simpson is actual mother, Margaret Wiggum. Yeah. He's Bart. Margaret Wiggum. Margaret Wiggum is his mum's name. Just like Officer Wiggin. That's definitely what got the name out of me. Good point. Matt is Bart.

Lisa Groening is his sister, Lisa Simpson. Margot Groening is his other sister, Maggie Simpson. His other sister, Patricia Groening, is their aunt. Aunt Patty. Yeah. What's it? Patty and... I can't remember. What is it? Oh, I can't remember. Selma. Patty and Selma. Maybe. I think so. It is Selma. I'm sure of it. Yeah. But yeah, it's his other sister. So it's all based on his family. And then obviously from there, he created...

Do you think? Oh, because he did a twin thing. Because he did twins. He did a twin. That's a good thought, actually. That's a very good thought. Bipoliting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, man, it's all based on his whole family. Or his whole immediate family. That's sick. That's crazy, right? That's very cool. And it's one of the biggest franchises in like... I was going to say, it says one of the longest running shows of all time. Fam? 34 years. What other show has been running longer than that? Probably WWF slash WWE.

uh yeah i know it's not in like the same ballpark kind of thing i know i know that's that's been going on for decades probably like countdown countdown wow countdown countdown has been yeah yeah uh let me actually google like jeopardy them kind of old game shows their game shows run for forever so let me google top 10 longest running tv shows yeah yeah oh let me see if i can guess one tv shows there we go i'm saying jeopardy's got to be in there

Or like Family Fortune? Is it Family Fortune? No, this can't be right. Well, what's it saying? They're saying Simpsons is number one. But I don't think this is in any specific order, but it's saying it's up there. So Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy, Gunsmoke. This is definitely just America. Or like American TV shows. Not like just shows in general. Lassie, never heard of. You've never heard of Lassie? The dog? Maybe I have, but maybe I didn't really know it was a TV show. Lassie.

I didn't know it was a TV show, but rings a bell. Fair enough. Happy Days, General Hospital, Friends. Yeah, these shows aren't running anymore. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's not. It's a bit skeptical, so I'm going to try and find... We're probably basing it on... If that's the case, then Simpsons would be way up there. Because, obviously, Friends ran for 10 seasons. Yeah. South Park's on season, like, 20-something. Yeah.

They've been going for time. Trying to find TV shows. So I'm on Wikipedia now. The longest one is saying the championship Wimbledon. Wimbledon has been going on for 77 years, but that's completely different. It didn't bring up the information I was looking for. I thought it was going to be juicy. But anyway, yeah, that's crazy. That is based on his immediate family.

Smart as well, though. Fucking hell. That's sick. That's very sick. It is. It's cool. That's visionary. I've got like a kind of controversial statement. Okay. But I've been sitting on it all week. Okay. I need to get it off my chest. Okay. How long are we going to pretend that Black Man Time is not a real thing? How long are we going to play this game? Who's pretending? White people. Liberal, woke white people are pretending it's not a thing. Liberal, woke white people. When it is. And like...

Social justice black warriors. Okay. They pretend it ain't a thing either. Okay. People who are trying to push black narrative forward wouldn't accept the black man's time as a real client. Okay. It is. I know it is. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it. I know it is. I refuse to just accept that it's a thing. Yeah. But there's nothing I can do about it because I realized this is the statement. I realized the other day for the first time, there's nothing you can do to argue a shrug.

You struggle to do, you are a culprit for it. This is part of your culture. Clearly. There's times when me and you have argued and when you lose an argument, your go-to is rather than saying, you know what? You're right, I'm wrong, cool.

Your usual go-to is you shrug and say, what do you want me to do? Or what do you want me to say? And there's nothing I can say to that. It deadens the whole thing. Deadens the whole thing. We could be back and forth. Yeah, but this, blah, blah, blah. And you'll be like, you'll kiss your teeth. I don't know what you want me to say. And you'll move on. You'll move on. And that is such a black thing. It's ridiculous, bro. My barber does it constantly. Yeah.

constantly bro I'll book an appointment so this is the thing with my barber I moan about my barber all the time yeah obviously I've been seeing him since I was 14 yeah so I book online he's got a app or whatever yeah um so I book online my appointments online so if I book an appointment for 11 I'll get there at 10 55 I want to make sure that if I'm if I'm five minutes late I'm assuming someone's jumping in my spot yeah so I get there five minutes early and I'll sit and I'll wait Donnie's not even in the building half the time hmm

If I'm the first appointment, I know he's not going to be in the building. I know he's not going to be in the building. That would drive me insane. Bro, and I sit there and I wait and I wait and I wait. Oh, the shop's open. The shop's open. All the other barbers are there. My guy rocks up because he owns a shop. He rocks up when he fucking fancies. So I'll be sitting in that back room that you went to. Yeah, yeah, I remember. And I'm twiddling fingers. And I chat to the my man down there like, oh, yo, his name's Iman. Like the second in command. His name's Iman. I'm like, yo, Iman, is he here? He's like,

no i'm like where is he i don't know fam sometimes if he's feeling courteous i'll get a phone call yeah i'm just running late so this is the other day yeah the other day i book an appointment for 10 o'clock i think yeah i rock up there just as that note as i'm in the car on the way there he rings me and says ah i'm in coventry i'm leaving now what time is this

Like, no, just as I was about to leave my house. So my appointment was at 10. He must have rang me at like half nine. So I'm in Coventry. I'm leaving now. So I'm going to be about 15 minutes late. Now I know it is actually a 45 minute drive. Mm-hmm.

but he sounded tired so I bet he just woke up you ain't leaving now yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay I was thinking where's this black man time gonna come into play yeah we'll get real we'll circle around to it yeah yeah yeah okay I'm listening I'm listening so it's 45 and he's like I'll be about 15 minutes late and I said cool thanks for telling me because I was just about to leave my yard I'll leave a bit later and he was like cool

So I get there, I'm sitting in my car and I'm just like, it's like 10 more minutes until his 15 minute period. So it's like 10.05 now. My appointment's at 10, it's 10.05 now and my car is now supposed to be at 10.15. I get another call at 10.15 saying, him ringing me like, are you in the shop? I said, no, I'm just in my car outside the shop. He said, cool.

He has another barbershop in Kettering, which is like 20 minutes from where we're at. Okay. But it's further out from you. Further out. It's closer to Coventry.

So he has to drive past this town. He said, I just need to run into my other shop. I mean, catch up. I just need to run into my other shop and sort some stuff out and then I'll be with you. So I'm going to be a bit later than your 15 minutes. I said, I know that because it's the 15 minutes now. Yeah. And you're 20 minutes away. If you're still driving, if you're still driving at 70, you're going to be 20 minutes from now. You're saying you're going to stop off at a shop, sort some stuff out and then come. We're talking another half an hour, 45. Minimum. Minimum. If you're rushing. Yeah.

Fam, he rocks up. I just go in the shop. I give it like another 10, 15 minutes. I go in the shop and I sit there and wait. He rocks up when he wants. No apology. Nothing. I said, cool, you good? I said, yeah, you? He's like, can't complain. Sit down. Whips the ting out. Take round my neck. And I'm like, bro, what's this? What is this? And bearing in mind, to book an appointment, you have to pay more. I can imagine, of course. You have to pay five pound more. Normal cut is...

Like 14, 13, 14. 18 is for a booked cut. Yeah. He'll still take your 18 pound. He'll still take your 18 pound happily. And I've beefed him about it before. What has he said? What's his rebuttal? His rebuttal is, even if I'm late, you're still first in the seat.

That's his rebuttal. If I'm late and there's 10 men lined up here, if five of them before you, five of them after you, that's what your five pound is. When I get here, you're in. That's his justification. I'm like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I pay you extra so that...

I can manage my day around this. Yes, of course. I can't sit here for an hour. Yeah. It's not about you. It's about me. Yeah. I don't book it because of you. I book it because I've got shit to do. So I think, oh cool, I've got 10 o'clock free, 10 to 10.45. That's a nice 45 minute period where I can get my hair cut. Let's book that in so I know I've got it. Mm-hmm.

He says, yeah, it's just fam. He shrugs. He gives me that classic shrug. And I says, what do you want me to say? What do you want me to say? And I says, you know what it is. You've been coming in for years. You know what it is. And I'm like, yeah, but it shouldn't be that. And I just shrugs. What do you want me to do? And I just get vexed. I just leave it. Same thing happened when I ordered Caribbean the other day. Okay. Fam. So there's a Caribbean. The Caribbean don't.

Delivered to my yard Okay So I had to go to my mum's yard Okay Which is 50 There's a Caribbean near my mum's That we like So Caribbean at my mum's Near my mum's Ordered it to my mum's Let's say it's supposed to be there at 6 It said it's going to be there between 6.30 I ordered it at half 5 They said it's going to be there Between half 6 and 6.45 Mm-hmm

I couldn't be bothered to ring or text my mum and say, I've ordered food to the yard. If he gets there, just wait for me. So I thought I'm just going to get in the car now and go. So let me get there for half six, just in case they're early. Fam, I get there at half six. 6.45 comes and goes. 7 o'clock comes and goes. 7.15 comes and goes. I get a message from Just Eat. Enjoy your food. These men think it's delivered. No. These men think it's delivered.

Enjoy your food. I'll be looking outside my window like, where is it? Where is it? 7.15 comes and goes. Half seven. Half seven, I get a knock on the door. No apology. No nothing. Man just said, you all right? I said, are you all right? Where have you been, fam? Where have you been? I took the bag, expected it to be ice cold. Thinking he's been running errands. The ting was steaming hot. So I'm thinking, you

you've just made this i ordered it two hours ago and it's piping hot obviously i want my food to be piping hot yeah but i don't know what i'm yeah i don't know if i should because like if it's cold i'm assuming you have bear deliveries you got backtracks you got whatever whatever and you're making it to me now that's why you're late but if it's piping hot that means i ordered it two hours ago you've only just cooked it now the shop is five minutes from here so you didn't have to drive far

So it's piping hot. You came straight from the shop to here. That's how hot it was. You came straight from the shop to here. What were you doing for the last two hours? What were you doing? And I know it's not a popular Caribbean spot, bro. It's not a popular Caribbean spot. It's kind of popular, but not really. They ain't got a queue out the door. This is the spot we went to back in the day when I came to yours. No, it's a different spot. But yeah, man gave me the bag, gave me a shrug and walked off. And I was just like, there's nothing I can do or say.

There's nothing I can do or say. I mean, you could have said something. You could have been like, well, go on, you took ages. The thing said, enjoy your food. He said 6.30, 6.45. I know you're not a computational person. I'm not. Well, I ran it through in my head. Before it even got there, I already ran the whole scenario in my head. Yeah.

And I imagined me going through it. And these Yardie man, they don't care about you like that. So I would have beefed him. I already know how it would have gone. I would have beefed him and be like, big man, what time do you call this? And man would have said, dinner time. Something like that, isn't it? Something snarky. And I would have been like, big man, you said between half six and 6.45. That's when it's supposed to be here. Now you're rocking up at half seven. Man would have said, what do you want me to do about it?

I would have said, I don't know, I want some compensation. My mum said, do you want a refund? Because I can take the food back. Do you know what I mean? That's what these men are about. You're not getting your money back. If you're getting your money back and getting my food back, it would have just been a pointless argument. And I would have said, fuck off.

And I said, you know what? These men don't care about returning customers like that. They don't care about returning customers like that. I would have been like, big man, that's it. Like, I'm not running, like, you won't see my business again. No, I don't care. I don't care. He would have whispered it. I don't care. From the sounds of it, I don't want your business again. If this is the grief I'm going to get. After I've delivered your bag of food. After I've just delivered your bag of food, then maybe I don't want your customer again.

I know what you mean, bro. I know how them beefs go. That's jokes. And it's a consistent trait throughout, bro. Any black business, this is the thing. Like, not necessarily any black business, but like any Caribbean shop or any barbers. Punctuality is just... Punctuality is whenever you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you. I do. Sorry, bro.

it is what it is i've grown up with it it's part of life i just it's just i just wish there was something i could say to be like big man it shouldn't this shouldn't be that way but then that's what i'm saying about the shrug it's the ultimate weapon true because you can't you give him everything bro you shouldn't be like this you if you want to run a successful business you'd be on time and all that's just what do you want what do you want from me i actually don't know i don't know i want you to do better for you

man just leave me alone I don't even know you leave me alone if you don't want to order it again don't order it again say my barber he knows I'm never going anywhere else yeah so you can whinge and moan all you want shut up and get in the chair I'm still going to come in when I want two hours later I'm clapping the teeth still going to run my errands when I know you're booked in because you can whine and whine and whine

You coming back, you're still going to sit in that chair. So shut up. Bro, it just reminds me of hospitality so much. Like in general, like the barber ting in general. Bro, there's so many... I remember back in the day in... This is when I was working at Grill on the Market. Back then, I think Mondays to...

Thursdays if you had like a black card you'd get 50% off food okay but there are some certain items you can get food off yeah something like that um and I think maybe this guy forgot his black card one day or something I don't have my card but I remember running my 50% I was like or 25 I can't remember what the discount was and he was like I remember I dealt with it I was like if you haven't got your card I can't give you the thing how am I meant to know yeah yeah

It was like, he was getting so annoyed. I just run me the discount, run me the discount, blah, blah, blah. Cause I'm a member. And I was like, I'm not doing it. I'm just not doing it. And he said, all right, cool. I think it was with him and like two or three other people. I remember we were sat specifically table 53. Table 53. He was like, I'm never coming back here. You will never see my business again. Blah, blah, blah. I'm thinking,

Why do people like to use that as a threat? Bear in mind, I saw him next week. He came in next week. If he's actually a member, then he's definitely coming back. People like to use that empty threat like, oh, you're never going to see my business again. I'm never coming back here. Regardless of the shitty experience you've had in certain restaurants that you go to repetitively and repeatedly, you're always going to come back regardless of what you say.

Unless I've spat on you. Yeah. Unless... There's a thing. People deep down, regardless of how much of a fuss they kick up, they know whether they're in the wrong or the right. I can kick up the most ink. If I ain't got the card and all you're telling me is you ain't got the card, that's it. Then I'm going to come back because I know deep down I'm in the wrong. Exactly. I know deep down I should have bought the card. That's my business. I wish sometimes I could speak my thoughts when guests speak to me. Like, they would...

Their eyes would widen when I speak the truth to them. Fam, there is a client I train. Okay. And he's really nice and really cool, but he has really strong political opinions and stuff. Okay. And he's not shy about spreading it. Okay. And he comes, he goes for the throat when he says stuff. And I get annoyed because I know with the heat that he comes with,

If I was to speak my mind, it will be a confrontation. And obviously I'm in the place of business. I can't have a confrontation with you. Yeah, of course. But I would like to, not even like in a... A confrontation, just like a... Debate. A debate. Just like a debate. A healthy debate. Yeah, like a healthy, nice political debate. But I can't have that with you because you pay the business that I currently work for money. And I can't have that because it comes back around. If you get offended, if I say my mind or you get offended or anything like that...

i'm out fall on you yeah yeah it's done it's gonna it's my head but sometimes he goes off on rant and i just literally just sit there and think i just wish we could have a chat outside of here so i could just run my mouth to you run my mouth because i know your eyes will widen yeah sometimes i think he must think i'm a fucking idiot because i sit there like oh is it oh really yeah oh i didn't know that yeah yeah and he goes off and you can tell that fuels him when i say stuff like oh that's interesting oh i didn't know that

oh that's interesting he gets gassed off it like yeah yeah and this and this and this and this and i want to be like shut up bro that's not true because this this this this and this and this and this tell me something come on ah but not even in like a rude way i know what you mean if you want to talk about it let's talk about it because i know more than you think yeah but you must think i'm a fucking idiot but this is what this game is the game the game is the game man um but um what are you gonna say oh snap that's what i was gonna say before i forget um

Pause. Guys, pause the ting and listen to what I have to say. Every time you say that, it never makes sense. They can't pause it and listen to what you have to say. October 10th. Gang. October 10th. Gang. If you didn't know by now, you've been living in a hole. But October 10th, London. I don't know what the address is, but we'll put the address on the ting. October 10th, London. Somewhere in London.

BBE Podcast Festival. Yeah. BBE Podcast Festival. Your boys are going to be there. It's our first live show. People harass us constantly about finally doing a live show. Yeah. Granted, if you live in South Africa, sorry, there's not much I can do about it. Sorry, guys. But if you can make it, how long is that? It's enough time. If you live in a different country, it's enough time to get over here, serve your quarantine period. Yeah.

And come to the show. Yeah. It's enough time for that. So book your flights now. Um, as I say, guys, well, I'll add the address to this bottom of the screen here. And, uh, yeah, man, show some love for your boys. Um, uh, what's the, I remember what the website's called now. BBE podcast and agency.

no i think something like that we'll throw it on there as well i'm not even gonna try it we'll throw it on there well the websites did i say bbc no you said bbe i was gonna say yeah um websites in the description website is probably on the screen maybe i don't know um and tickets grab a ticket show some love your boys are gonna be on at nine nine i think we're the last one we're the last one are we headlining i don't want to put words in your mouth

But typically the way these things go is you save the best for last. You know, typically when you go to wireless, when you go to a festival, who's last? The headliner. Beyonce rocks up last. She rocks up when she wants, how she wants. Bro. She has an hour set. That's all I'm saying is when you go to the live shows, Kevin Hart doesn't put on his red cup boys.

do his whole set and then throw in a last red cup boy to finish it doesn't work like that if you want the standing O you put the big boys last if you want to keep the crowd wanting more you keep the big boys last like I said I'm not putting words in anyone's mouth it could just be a coincidence that's the way it lined up do we get more downloads than everyone else on the lineup I don't know I don't know

It's possible. It's clearly possible. You know, but... Are we 21 in the podcast comedy chance in the whole country? Maybe. At least for Spotify, the biggest audio platform on the planet. According to them, we're doing a bit. According to them, we're doing a bit. We're doing a bit. Yeah. Do we stay viral on TikTok? Yeah. From time to time. We chop up a little something, something, and people go... They eat it all up. Eat it all up. That's a...

That's hilarious. Some time to time, your boys stay viral. So would it be the dumbest idea to have these guys close out the podcast festival? No, it wouldn't be crazy. It wouldn't be crazy. It's not the dumbest idea in the world. But guys, show some love.

We want to see S&G everywhere. Everywhere. We want to go in the ting at seven o'clock. Someone's kicking up a fuss. Where's Jigs and Gigs? Where's James and Phoebe at? This ting's long. I want to see billboards. Yeah. I want to see billboards and signs. This ting's long. Obviously, we want to show support to all the other podcasts on the ting. I'm excited to meet everyone that's going to show face as well. But yeah, guys, if you want to show up, show some love. Obviously, we're going to be doing a meet and greet ting afterwards. For sure. So come on down to London. Come on down to the show. Buy a ticket now before it sells out.

because I think those early birds went early birds went came and went yeah early birds came and went so jump in now that's why I had to hit this on this episode come on down to the festival show some love meet us greet us bring presents if you're feeling fancy I don't know I won't say no yeah and yeah

That's it. I've got a question for you. Very controversial. I wouldn't say very controversial question, but I think it's a thinker and bear with me whilst I ask you this question. Okay. So is it gay? God fuck's sake. Is it gay if a transsexual man that's transcended or trans... Transcended? What's the word I'm looking for? Transitioned. Transitioned. Sorry, not transitioned. Transitioned from a man to a woman, but still has their dick.

Okay. And titties. Well, they've got titties, but they still have their dick. Okay. Is it gay if a transsexual man to woman. Transgender. Do I say transgender? Is it gay if a transgender man to woman fucks a woman, but you find that attractive? I find it attractive. Not necessarily you, but as a human being, like, do you feel like, do you think that's gay? So let's reiterate your question. Like porn, for example. Okay. So I'm watching porn. Yeah.

There is a transgender woman. Woman, yes. Having intercourse. With a woman. With a biological woman. A biological woman. With their birthed penis. Yes. Why would that? There's no... Like, not necessarily is it gay, but like, is it? Well, it might be more of a question if I was a woman watching it, because then we've got a transgender woman having sex with a biological woman. If we've got a transgender, like...

I'm not gay because then as far as pronouns are concerned, that's lesbian porn. True. So I'm just watching lesbian. I watch lesbian porn all the time. So no, I don't feel like I'm gay for watching lesbian porn. So it would have to be the opposite way around. It would have to be a transgender woman who is having sex with a biological man. Okay. So I'm watching...

a former biological man have sex with a current biological man but that the first former biological man has now transitioned to be a woman yeah so they're a woman now yeah that makes sense so it's hetero so as far as today's society is concerned it's hetero it's hetero yeah so I'm just gonna throw this out here I'm just gonna throw it out there I'm listening G I'm waiting for you to say something fam your boy was on Pornhub the other day

Don't get carried away. Your boy was on Pornhub the other day. Yeah. Scrolling through the thumbnails. Scrolling through the thumbnails, right? Hear me out. Don't jump to conclusions. I'm just preparing you in it. That's why I said to you. Scrolling through the thumbnails, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

As I'm scrolling through, you know if you hover the cursor over, it gives you a little preview, little snapshots. We all know what it does. So as I'm scrolling through, this is probably like a few weeks, maybe a month ago, maybe two months, I can't even remember to be fair. As I'm scrolling through, I hover my cursor over, I didn't even read the title, hover my cursor over and there's a black chick. Mm-hmm.

sucking the skin out of this dude yeah in these little the little clips yeah yeah yeah yeah just bare throat action did i click on the video no okay but as i'm going through yeah it's like i see a glimpse of something in there of like some phallus i see something yeah and i was like that are like balls yeah on the black tag yeah i look at the title first thing it says capitals transgender now did i go yuck yuck yeah

no no was i turned on no but did i go yuck yuck no no same thing um again curse the thing where you leave the curse one and it shows the thing so yeah again it was either porn hub or are you there's another website have you heard of spank bank

Spank. No, spank bang rather. Spank bang. I think so. Yeah. With a G. Yeah. Quality. Is it? Quality. Okay. Quality. Remind me another time. I think Pornhub is because it's. You already know I'm staying solo tonight. Remind me tonight. Actually. Remind me tonight. Go on. Sorry. Remind me tonight. Sorry. Go on. Go on. Go on.

I've got an empty apartment to myself tonight. That's hilarious. It's strange, strange location. Fam. So, okay. Hovering over the, hovering over the clip page, the clip of the vid rather. And I see one guy just, I see the fattest ass and one anal, right? Just absolutely slamming at different positions. Again, same thing happens like the fourth or fifth clip later. I see balls from the back. Yeah. And I'm thinking,

But how is this possible? You know, how is it again? Same thing. You know, when everyone's like you're scrolling through, but you don't look at the names, you're just seeing images. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's bad times. I don't care about the time. Yeah. Yeah. And I see that because the first one was the first still was just a fat bag. Yeah. It's like you were intrigued. I'm intrigued. You know? Yeah. And then I see the balls of it. How is this possible? Bro, you sucked me in like this, bro. Let me ask you now. Did you say yuck? Yuck?

I don't think I did, but I didn't click it. Obviously you didn't click. You kept scrolling, but you didn't go. It didn't make me. No, I didn't. Because I've gone through. And obviously these men are supposed to, to be fair. I usually watch porn incognito. I don't know. I'm just curious. I'm not curious, but I'm just, I'm just, I don't know. I've always have since I was a kid. I think it's teenage. Like, yeah. It's just my parents running up out. Repetitive nature. Yeah. So I've always run porn incognito. So yeah.

you like obviously these men are supposed to recommend you things yes because i'm running incognito at the time there's nothing for them to recommend it doesn't copy the cash and yeah yeah so there's been times where i've been on the home page and there's man on man there's prayers on prayers fam and i scroll it's not the whole page yeah but i'll scroll past one line yeah and that does make me go yeah yeah yeah and then they'll just keep moving but that ting that i saw the transgender thing i didn't jump out i saw the balls i said what's that

waited for the next one definitely saw it again and I was like that's definitely transgender saw the title oh it is transgender fair play but I still remember the suck suck that I saw

I'm never going to click on it, but I'm not judging anyone who did. I know what you mean. Because I know I'm not the only one who saw that. It's got millions of views. I'm not the only one. No one looks at titles. I'm not the only one that saw the first slop top and said, hell yeah. Clicked on it, found out a few minutes in. That's not what you thought it was. And just kept it running. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. Hey man, this is the game we play.

It's all a risk. Bro, it's always a risk. It's always a risk. Right. What have you got? Random. This is a leap, a hop, skip. I had this conversation with my mum the other day. It's a hop, skip and a jump. But I feel it's justified. Like, so do you, have you ever had like friends or family members when you were a kid that you just did not get on with? Probably yes, but I can't really remember. I would like to say yes because it's inevitable, but for the life of me, I don't remember.

Fam? I think if you say something, it might trigger a memory. When I was a kid, I had a cousin. Well, step-cousin. My step-dad's nephew, yeah? His name was Niall. And I didn't check for my man. Okay. For a few reasons. Okay. One, he just thought he was sick when he wasn't. Okay. Two... How old were you when this... Ooh, I was in year seven. Okay. So probably like 11, 12. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in year seven as well. Year 11, 12, but different schools and stuff. Mm-hmm. So he told me he could hoop. Okay. He told me he could hoop. Mm-hmm. And I was like, gang, we've got something in common. Mm-hmm.

I had a basketball hoop in my back garden. We tried to hoop. This fool was trash. Like trash, like never played before trash. And I was like, I've been lied to for starters. Why he would make that up, I don't know, but it's whatever. He came to stay at our house for like a week one time in the summer holidays. Every day he did something to piss me off.

Every single day. He would take my shit, use my shit. He was just disrespectful, bro. He was just disrespectful. On the last night, I was seething for this my man. I was thinking me and him are on the verge of scrapping. And one day he took my PSP.

Do you remember PSP? Yeah of course I remember Took my PSP And I said Big man run me my PSP And I said You weren't even using it Because he was I was sleeping on my bed We had a single bed I remember And he was sleeping on the mattress On the floor And the sleeping bag or something And I said Run me my PSP bro You didn't ask me Just give it back Was he playing it Playing it in my room In my face Yeah

And I was like, big man, you can't run your life like that. You can't just be taking next man's shit and expect me to firm it. Man said, sat in along the lines of, don't know, I don't want to put words in his mouth, but he said sat in along the lines of shut up and deal with it. He's something like that to the point where I was like, nah. Fam, I went to grips the PSP off him and he yanked it and I fell off of my bed onto his bed.

As I've fallen off with tussling to give me my PSP, I look to my left and I can see under my bed. Yeah. Random as hell. There were apple cores. Apple cores under my bed. A whole week's worth. This fool been eating apples and just putting them under my bed. No way. Eating apples in bed. Couldn't bother to go to the bin. Just rolling them under my bed.

seven brown moldy ass apple cores stinking up the joint under my bed fam we went for blows i was thinking what kind of fucking sociopath does leaves apple cores under someone's bed and not even one a whole week's worth who does that fam the other day obviously my mom split up with my stepdad i lost connection with all that side of the family haven't spoken to him since all this stuff all this stuff

my mom sends me a news article the other day because he still lives in luton okay this is when we live in luton he still lives in luton see a picture of my man looking raggedy okay it's a mugshot ting okay says such and such wanted for attempted murder okay my mom said can you fucking believe it i was like yes i can yes i can because he was a sociopath this was leaving apple cores under my bed of course i can believe it

It was a starting point. Fam, literally when you see the starting points of like a psychopath. Yeah. Of like, well, like don't fuck with cats and things like that. Who does that? Who starts like torturing cats? Like who leaves apple cores under someone's bed for a whole week straight and doesn't say anything to anyone. Just gets the next apple the next day and does the same thing. He knew he was going to get caught at some point.

He was just hoping it was after he'd left. Yeah. The PSP got him in trouble. Bro, the PSP fucked up with the PSP. You would have been bewildered the next time you had to clean your room. Oh, I would have thought it was some paranormal activity thing. If I'd left it, because I don't look under my bed. If I'd left it like four, five, six days and I could just smell something.

And I look under my bed and there's just bare apple cores. Your mum would have killed you. She would have gone mad. She would never believe it wasn't me. That's what I was going to say. Your mum would never believe it was you. She would never believe it wasn't me. Why the fuck would I do that? She's like, I don't know, but. Yeah, you tell me big man, you did it. Who else has done it? So soon as she told me he's wanted for attempted murder, I knew fam. I was like, bang, all the puzzle fits now.

The puzzle fucking fits. That's wild. When you said mugshot, it reminded me of something I saw on Instagram not too long ago. Let me see if I can find it. I think it was on I'm Just Baked. It was about a mugshot, obviously. Yes. So...

A man has been jailed for raping two other men who he met on a dating app. Did you see that? He's got like the shit locks. Yeah. Yeah. Did you read it? I didn't read it. I just saw that and thought, Jesus. Fam? Well, go on. I read that as well and thought, Jesus Christ. Two other men at the same time? Let me read. Yeah, read the thing. So a man from North London who raped two men he met on a dating app has been jailed for 14 years.

Aaron Goody, 23, of Tramway Avenue, Enfield, was sentenced at Wood Green Court on Friday, 17th. He was found guilty of three counts of rape, two counts of robbery, and one count of blackmail at the same court on Monday, the 19th of July. The court heard how Goody was arrested in July 2020 following an investigation into two incidents where men were raped by a man they had met on Grindr.

He then took the victims to a cash point and forced them to withdraw money while threatening further violence. Both attacks had taken place in the Enfield area. Further inquiries resulted in Goody being linked into a third offence that occurred in Lambeth in January 2020 where a man was assaulted and forced to withdraw money by a man who he had met for consensual sex.

Forensic evidence taken from the victim of the first offense led to scientists identifying Goody as the potential suspect. Officers carried out a further inquiry, including review CCTV footage of phone work, which linked him to the three other events that had happened. He denied any involvement, but the evidence collected by the scientists and officers was overwhelmed and led him to prosecution and the charges were placed against him. Family?

Can you imagine, let's say we're on Grindr now. Let's say we're both gay, right? We're on Grindr app. We're trying to find the next beat, the next sweet thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cheeks. That's all we want. Cheeks. Soft cheeks. Soft cheeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We match now. We swipe, swipe, swipe. We match. I meet this bruh. Consensual sex, it happens. But he's a bit forceful. He's a bit, it's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

what's that show you watched yeah um she won an emmy for it by the way michaela cole took the words out my mouth so this morning i may destroy you i may destroy you yeah i may destroy you fucking great if you've never seen it guys bbc it's probably on bbc i play still i don't think it's on netflix called i made the show michaela cole greatest one of the greatest shows great show great show anyway um

Yeah, man's a bit forceful. Like the man on I May Destroy You. He slams the door. You're not going anywhere. Stop. You're not going. And he's big. You're not going anywhere. The guy on I May Destroy You was wham. Wham. Had a lisp, which made it worse. I may fucking destroy you. Destroy you. Nah. Bro, it makes it scary. Nah. So he forces it on you. After that, after he busts you, you're just there shaking. Shaking. You're trying to get your garms on. Like you're trying to

you're one of them gay guys that wears a wears a vest and then wears a shirt so you're just shaking yeah shaking shaking putting your shorts and then your long sleeves up your your long socks on your crepes on as you're about to leave that no no let's go cash point you're like now let's go you're like for what no let's go cash point oh no he's not no he says oh let me walk you out he's like no no i'm good big man let me walk you out i'm walking you out i'm walking i'm walking you out i'm walking you out are you like okay

And you walk in, let's say you didn't drive. You take a bus. You walk to the nearest bus stop. I'm okay. No, no, let's keep walking. I'll walk you further. It's dark now. I'll walk you further. You see a cash point. Get some money out real quick. What? Get some money out real quick. What do you mean? Big man, take your wallet out and get some money out real quick. I need that. I want to hold that. Get that ATM maximum. I want to hold that. And my ass is still sore. Still sore.

You're holding it like this. You're holding your body like that. That, not to give him any praise. Yeah. That's a clever move because he's already asserted dominance. If my hold is still burning sore from the pounding that my man just gave me.

I mean, I haven't got the strength to fight him off. You haven't got a leg to stand on. I'm aching, fam. I'll just do what he says. I just want this situation over with. I've got no fight in me. I want to be free. Yeah, I've got... Just take the P. I don't care, bro. Just take the P. I want to launch them on card from the first place. Let's go 80. Take the card. Take the card. Here's the pin. I'm done. I can't be arsed for it. I'm done with this. I can't be arsed for it, Jerome. I can't be arsed for it. Jerome.

oh bro nah it's not on it's not it's literally not on it's not on don't do that and the thing is as well he must have a mad like power kink for him to rate these men that were down for consent it was consensual sex they met up to bang and he said nah like it needs to be non-consensual i need to be i need to assert that much dominance that you think

You need to not... Was I even on Grindr? Yeah, you need to not want to be here anymore. Nope. And he had the audacity to say, let's go ATM off. Let's go ATM. Let's go cash point. Nah. You've cashed in all your chips. Let's go cash point. Fam, you've cashed in all your chips for the day. Leave me be. Have I not been through enough? Bro, imagine...

I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know what to do. That's a horrible experience. I actually wouldn't know what to do. I read, I saw the picture and I saw the title. I did not read into it. Nah. Cause I saw the rape bit and I was, the thing that I threw is when I saw his face, I didn't assume he would be raping men. I just looked at him and just thought he's a rapist, you know?

then when he said he raped two men I was like rah then I read into it he's like and he's taking money from them he's taking them to the cash point say run me some people as well he doesn't look like he can he looks like a road man though he does look like a road man but he doesn't look like he can instill that kind of fear in another man he couldn't instill that in me do you know what I mean I would drape his hair yank him fam as soon as he tries this thing I would yank his head what are you doing bruv smack his cheek get off of me

get off me that's why i was perplexed yeah he doesn't look like that kind of person yeah yeah he looks like a sweet boy he looks like the one that yeah he looks like a face down ass up he looks like the tail six inches in the air yeah yeah a little bottom thing he could never yeah he must have draws a blade he must have drew for a blade 100 he must have drew for a blade oh do you know what that reminded me of when you said he drew a blade the first episode of rick and morty season one episode one

Morty has this random bully. He's only in it for that episode. Yeah. He dies. He has a random ass bully. And I think they bump into each other by mistake.

And he's like, oh my God. You know, he's always shy. Oh my God. I'm so, I'm so sorry. And he said, oh, I didn't see you there. It's something like that. And he grabbed, he grabbed Morty by the scruff of his neck and pushed him on the locker. He's like, what are you saying? I'm poor? What are you saying? I can't afford things? And he grabbed the switchblade. I was flicking it in his face like this. Are you saying I'm poor? Three o'clock tonight, I'm killing you. Nah, fam. Man, why shh?

That's escalation. Escalated. I wouldn't know what to do. In school, high school, a man grabbed a switchblade like this. No one could flip a switchblade in my face. I said, I'm going to kill you. Nah, I will. What are you saying? I'm poor? You will slump. He'll be holding me. My whole weight will slump on him.

I couldn't believe it. Episode one, you know? Nah, bro. I couldn't believe it. Nah, that's jokes. Oh, and then Rick comes in and saves the day. Yeah, Rick always comes in and saves the day. Just freezes him on the spot. Bro, Rick doesn't play those kind of games. Fucking hilarious. Oh my God. Let's do Am I the Arsehole, dude. Let's, bro. Oh, this one's so petty that I have to read it. All right, hit me. This is like super petty. Cool. So, Am I the Arsehole? Me and my ex were dating for eight months through lockdowns in Australia.

We were doing well and seeing each other a lot, but then she got sus and looked through my phone. All she found was me liking other girls' photos and following the famous girls. Okay. I then looked through hers with her permission and found the exact same thing. Okay. I didn't care because she's mine, but she felt disrespected. I unfollowed them and she unfollowed them. Okay. Because it wouldn't be fair if she didn't.

Then a month later, she checks again and finds me liking girls' photos. Standard. She says it is too toxic and I wasn't in this relationship for the long run and want out. But she did the exact same thing. Then a week after we broke up, I found out whilst I was playing my basketball game, this was around the six-month mark, she said she wanted to go on Love Island to my family friend.

He hasn't even asked what the MR the arsehole is. I'm assuming he's asking if he's the arsehole for liking the girl's pics and stuff. So recap. I was going to say, is that the end of it? Yeah, it's literally the end of it. Okay. Right, recap. We have a girl for eight months. She goes through her phone, sees he's been liking Tings. Yeah. Following Tings. Yeah. He goes through her phone, she's been liking Tings. Following Tings. So same, same. Same, same. Yeah. He unfollows them, she unfollows them. Yeah. A few months later...

Same thing. She goes through his phone. He's been liking tings. She says, you know what? You're toxic. Dumps him. Then he's talking to his family friend. And the family friend says, you do know she said to me a couple months ago that she wanted to come on Love Island. All of that. That's dumb, man. I think it's clear that they're young. For real? Aren't they just? It's clear that they're young. They're like 21. I'm saying like 15, 16. Bro, that's bullshit. It's...

Like, oh, shit like that is such pointless topics of conversation. Obviously, like you said, he didn't ask if he's the arsehole for this or for that because he didn't really give a climax to the scenario. But I still feel like, one, if she feels as if him liking things and following things is an issue, obviously, yes, she did the same thing. They both agreed, okay, we're mutually going to unfollow these things and not like anything. Boom.

He did it again, what, X amount of months later, he's only human, you know? He's only human. That's something you would say. Because it's facts. I'm only human, bro. Yeah, but what does that actually mean? I'm not subscribing to her pettiness because I'm actually not. Yeah. But you do realize doing that...

I can still see the picture without doing that. If I know if this bothers my girl, I don't need to do this. I can just, I can look at the picture. Even if he's wanking over every picture, he doesn't need to do that. Yeah. I hear you. I do hear you. I do hear you. But then I, my argument with that is this is what Instagram is for. Liking pictures is what Instagram is for. I understand your concept of you don't have to like it. You can just see it, appreciate it and scroll past. Granted. I completely wholeheartedly agree.

But it's also double-ended or double-edged rather because of the fact that she was doing exactly the same thing as well. That's what I said. That's why I wanted to premise it and say I'm not subscribing to her shit. All I'm saying is I was just talking about your only human thing. I know, I know. Don't get me wrong, I know. Okay, cool. I already know that would have been my response. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As far as...

The whole situation goes. The whole situation is my luck. The whole situation is my luck. Fam, if she was my girlfriend and she went through my phone without my permission and found I'm liking pictures and beefing about it, move from me. Yeah, it's done before I even found out. Get away from it. I don't care about your, like, you're disgruntled about it. That's your own insecurity. I don't care, bro. I don't actually care because it's an app.

It's literally an app. And more time, I've showed you pictures, bedtimes, where you've liked this and you've been like, I have no idea who that is. I don't remember liking it. Yeah, because no one pays attention to shit that they're liking. No one does that. Unless there's difference between like,

Unless you go on a specific girl's page. She lives local. We've had this conversation before. She lives local. She's around your age. She's in the cheating range. She's in the cheating range and you've liked everything. From the day that you followed her until now, you've liked every single post. Understandable. That's a bit sus. Understandable. That's a bit sus. That's a game plan. Yeah. That's a game plan because I know for a fact not every single one of those pictures even came up on your timeline. You've been checking in. Yeah. That's different. When you go, when you click the search thing and she's the first name there.

Yeah. And there's no way she's piff enough. Yeah. That every pic needs a like, there's no way that she's only uploading banging pics back to back to back over however many times that everything needs a like. So that granted still get off my dick, leave me alone. But you've got a bit of a case. I would have already been dropped because you broke into my phone and went through my shit. So I've already been dropped.

But you've got a point. I was probably trying to move to her. Yeah. But yeah, as far as like, oh, you're liking this girl's picture, you're liking this girl's... Yeah. Me and the other 41,978 people. What are we talking about here? And then for me, the flip side of it is also he's just as petty as insecure. Everyone wants to go on Love Island. Yeah. I don't. You probably don't. But in terms of like...

If you want wealth, no one wants to go on Love Island to find love. You're just trying to secure a bag. Yeah. Post show. Post show you want to secure a bag. Post show you're trying to be rich. Oh, she's saying she wants to go on Love Island. It means she doesn't want to be with me. Big man, do you think Love Island's real? She wants to secure a bag. Do you think Love Island's real, my guy? She wants to be rich and famous. And that's the easiest way to do it. That is it.

I've got nothing else to say. I mean, it's an opening shot, man. I've got nothing else to say. It was... Like I said, the first thing I said was clearly... It's clear that they're young. It goes without saying they're young because this is not an adult conversation. Yeah, it's not, fam. It's really not an adult conversation. It's something you both will get over. Don't deep it that much. The next girl you meet probably won't even care about the shit that you guys are talking about right now. So it's just...

I don't know what the asshole question is, but it's an irrelevant. It was such an irrelevant read. It was nice to talk about for a little bit. But yeah, sorry, bro. The whole thing was completely stupid and irrelevant. And bro, you let your girl break into your phone once and she got away with it. And then you let her do it again. Nah, bro. And then she let you feel like the bad guy. She's invaded your privacy twice in a row. I haven't said sorry once. There we go.

There we go. What are we doing here? That's the moral of the story. That's what you need to take from this. Bro, and that's the same thing as well. Like, I'm the same in terms of, obviously, Fu had said his piece, but like, for me, if you were that concerned, like, to the fact where you said you unfollowed all these girls. Yeah, that's long. The fact that, the reason, that's the thing, in terms of like the, you didn't have to double tap. Mm.

My energy behind that is that like you made such an effort to unfollow all these people. Like you didn't turn to your girl and say, look, this is pathetic. I'm not following anyone. I'm not stopping liking things. I'm not having this conversation. If you turn to her and did that, then she hasn't got a leg to stand on next time she griefs you about it. Yeah. But the fact that you were like, you know what? That's fair. I'm going to unfollow these people. You can unfollow these people. And then you went and did it again. It's like you've already justified her argument last time. Yeah.

So now you're asking for trouble this time. You didn't have to like the pics. You put yourself in that situation. Yeah, you can still scroll through the pics without liking them, bro. If you're trying to bang these girls, you can just DM them. You don't need to be liking these girls' pics. Like, what are you doing to yourself? You literally made your bed. You put yourself in that situation. You accepted her argument.

And then you reinforce it when you went and did it again. You should have locked her off for the first time. Or even if you weren't going to lock off, tell her she's just being stupid and you're not going to entertain this shit. And she can do it. She's done it. You've done it. You could have just been like, look, we're clearly both doing it. What the fuck are we even doing here? What are we actually doing here? Let's just carry on with our lives. If you're happy, I'm happy. Let's just move on.

But yeah, and then this whole Love Island thing, you're a joke fam. No offense. In the nicest way possible, being that thing, you're a joke. Oh, bless. You're a joke. Bro, my girl can turn around to me tomorrow and say I got an audition for Love Island. I wouldn't bat an eye. I'd say you better win. You better win so you can secure this ASAP. You better win. Secure this bag ASAP. Bro, I'm trying to come up. You better win. If you get kicked out on week two or three, don't chat to me.

it's your business if you're gonna go for it go for it secure this bag for us both yeah man yeah man yeah man but anyway guys happy Monday thank you very much have a good one and patrons we'll see you on Thursday literally by words of mouth we'll see you on Thursday if you're about it come on right love love love

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