Ep 105 - What Gives Guys The Ick? | ShxtsnGigs Podcast
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If she tries to make it seem as if it never happened, or be like, oh no, it wasn't me, it was you kind of thing, like a reverse roleplay thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dashing the chips and dipping. No excuse. Because I have no reason to give her. I couldn't care less. You know me sometimes, I couldn't care less. You'll walk out, fam. I'll walk away. She'll be talking and you just won't look back. I'm fam? How the hell? Yeah, man. I'm here for that. What's that? I'm here for that. Smooth.

I see The Rock keeps his shit cold. Oh yeah, of course he does. Cold. Of course he does, bro. You don't play about. The Rock knows class. He actually knows class. The Rock knows class. He knows his difference. Um...

oh my days that's that's that's a thought actually we were having this discussion the other day what's if if you had to um play one drake song yeah to a complete alien to sell them on drake yeah what would it be oh see the thing with me and drake right i love the drake songs that don't have choruses they just rap so for example do not disturb for example 4 p.m in calabasas do not disturb is ignorant shit with um

Lil Wayne, that was on his first mixtape. I think that's what made me fall in love with his music. Because I love those kind of tracks that he's got. So it would probably be one song. He's got a catalogue. Fam, it's tough, isn't it? He's got a catalogue. It's tough, bro. But I would probably go...

I'd probably have to say 4pm only because we've been singing it now. 4pm is live. It's such a banger. It is. It's such a wave. You can't help but bop to it. Man came with the ha ha ha ha. Yo! He threw it back. Bro. He threw it back, bro. Bro. What a track.

I remember the first time I heard that song, actually. I heard it. I'm pretty sure it came out around Christmas time in like 2016. Either 2015 or 2016. Because I remember I was walking to a shop. It was on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. And it was the only shop that was open. Because there were Muslims. They didn't, obviously, during those times, everyone else closes. And they were Muslims. So they were the only ones open. I remember I was banging that track. Walking to this, walking to that.

to the shop. I don't remember what I was getting there for, but I just remember the time it was. I was like, this is a song, bro. He's got a catalog. The other day I was, so to your point, when Jay asked me, um,

I did a few, but one of them was, um, do not disturb. What? That's a, that's amazing. It's an amazing song. Um, this in burger pitches with me smiling though. Yeah. Yeah. G G G G G. Um, but then another one that I wouldn't have ever picked before. Yeah. I did a, I did a re-up on views the other day. Okay. Um,

bro views bang it does bang it does bang fire and desire fire and desire bangs nine bangs i'm listening to nine in a minute um flipping what what one uh oh don't do this to me there's two that i've been smashing out i'll pull up the catalog now um it's uh it's flipping oh don't do this to me man it's fine bro we got it we got it i'll be banging it all week

All right, where it there? Western Road Flows? No. That's another one that I like. Western Road Flows, I did this shit for my nigga Rennie. No chorus. Yeah, it is. Child's Play or Grammys? No, You With Me. Oh, yes, fam. On some DMX shit. Yes, fam. Yes, fam. So, You With Me is one, but the other one, the low-key one, is still here as a hype track. Mm.

Bro, when the bass hits on Still Here, I'm still here, dog. Oh, when I'm back, dog. Oh, you just went and turned your back, dog. Bro, it's hard. I haven't heard that in a minute. It's hard. I haven't listened to this album in a minute. Bro, the album bangs. Faithful as well with Pimp C. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The album bangs. That does bang.

bro you with me is a is a is a song yeah top tier you can't really can't really argue about that bro man makes two iphone references in that song i can't remember so um yeah the iphone cracks iphone five six no no no no no no that's a different track oh is it this one is the one that you have to it's one of them ones where it's like uh if you don't own an iphone you're not gonna know these tracks okay okay um but man's like when he's talking about beefing with his girl and i was like um

All that grey on our conversation history, you playing mind games when you're saying things. And then he says about the triple dot. Three dots, you're thinking of a reaction still. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But tell me why you're thinking. What games? How big game is being played? How's it going down? If it's on to become, then we're going down now. Is you with me or what? And then the ending, fam?

I got responsibilities, the people that I need. He was on his knees. Hands and knees, fam. He was on his hands and knees. Mike just here. Oh, I try to give you the rest of the world. You running your fingers through my curls. You knew me when the kid had waves. I said, you can never say I came up and forgot about your ass. Oh, bro. Yeah, he was on his hands and knees crying.

Wow. But yeah, I feel like I'd have to, sorry to cut you off. Obviously because you asked me that question and we were just singing 4pm in Calabasas before this episode just dropped or before this episode started. My instinctive brain was like 4pm but I have to go through his catalogue and think, there's so many more bangers. Bro, Jay was bringing up ones that like I haven't thought about in years. I can imagine. Fan man press play all of those. Yeah.

Bro. Trophies? That's a tune. That's a tune. I haven't heard that in ages. Fam. That would make me smack a stranger. That would make me smack a stranger. I do not shop at the Intercontinental. Bro. Wow.

tune yeah jake's the guy he's the guy speaking of musicians i was thinking about this yesterday t-pain doesn't get enough flowers like t-pain back in our day 10 11 12 years ago i don't know how however old you guys are but t-pain back in the day was one of the best musicians going like feature tracks everything he was he was top three minimum top three he was three oh my god

One slept on you that I used to love. Him and Akon. I can't wait. Have you heard that song? I probably have, but I can't remember. I can't wait. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I can't wait. So the reason why I was thinking about him when it came to mind yesterday is because

listen to have you heard his new track with Kalani I like it or I like that maybe I like that so he sampled the first dun dun dun dun dun dun he sampled buy you a drink oh swear so he sampled his own track yeah yeah yeah so obviously as soon as you hear that that takes you back

Bro, 10, 15 years ago. Way back. And it's just a great memory. Great vibes. Great. And you just remember T-Pain was the guy, bro. T-Pain was the fucking guy. And man was dropping banger after banger after banger. But then he had a hiatus. Everyone knew he kind of like fell off a bit. Don't know why. But then he came back with booty going up.

I ain't trying to spend another my money trying to see what's up now. If you heard that in a club, I dare you not to go off. Bro. I dare you not to go off. Bro. He's got some interesting stories as well because he's on Twitch now. Did you know? Yes. Stays on Twitch. Have you heard his opening rap to Twitch? No, no. I've not seen any, but I know he's on Twitch because I've seen it on there, but I've never seen it. Bro, let me try and find his opening ting on Twitch. Oh.

Oh, fam. I can imagine. Oh, he was such... But whilst you're finding that, my point was, I feel like he doesn't get enough flowers because for him to sample, buy you a drink, obviously when you hear that, it's very classic and everyone knows that that was a banger back in the day. So for him to sample it and still make it work and still make you...

Not think it's just about buy you a drink, but he made the actual song a banger. He's a real one. He's a real one. Bro, he doesn't get enough flowers, man. He doesn't at all. T-Pain is hard. Yeah. This is how a man's starting off his streams. Oh, sick. I think I have seen this. I've seen a version of this. Get it bracken in this bitch. You just tuned in to the littest channel on Twitch. And I am T-Pain. You know the OG. The with those kings. Those kings. Oh, please.

I'm your host tonight, but feel free to host me. I'm a gamer. Other channels lame-o. They no namers. Five subs. I can't put money in the bill to my bros. And you know I can't switch. Take the trash out.

Bro, I couldn't log into my stream and start anything like that. I'll be hyped. I'll be hyped. Yeah, man, I think I've seen that because the first four bars ring a bell. Bro, I'll be hyped. But on Twitch, he's done a few things where he's told stories and stuff like that. Okay. And he was talking about when he signed with Akon. Okay. And he was saying he got offered a ridiculous contract with someone else. Okay. But it was for...

I can't remember. They wanted a song. I can't remember. It was one of his rights to one of these. They wanted, they wanted him for one song. Basically they wanted to him to release whatever song this was, whether it was by your drink or one of them originals, they wanted to sign him and that to be his first single release under that label. Basically by your drink or bartender. Yeah. I think it was bartender actually. Um, Oh yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Or was it, was it, I'm in love with stripper.

Was that the first one? Banger. Banger in it. Banger. That, that, the remix with like R. Kelly and all of them in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it was one of them. And basically it was like for a mil or two mil. He was a teenager. He was young. And then basically Akon came up to me and said, I want to sign you, but I can only afford to give you X amount. It wasn't even much. It was a lot less, bro. It wasn't much at all. I think it was like 50k or something like that. 100k maybe. And then I could be butchering it, but it was low. And he said, but I want to make you an artist, fam.

i want to make you an artist and t-pain was like gang let's do it sick turn down the the millions gang let's do it akon said i'm gonna make you an artist bro sick and he did he did man bro i forget yeah i forget a consign them yeah bro they can have the vision yeah he did he's a businessman he is a savvy business he's out here doing business yeah i know he wants to make like senegal a next thing yeah he's trying to make senegal a next thing

He is. He was trying to build a city, no? Yes, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen like a solar powered, solar panel powered city. Yeah, ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's out here doing the next thing. But yeah, he signed him and said that. And there was another thing. I think it was Kanye West. I think it might not have been Kanye West, but it was someone on Kanye's level. Okay. He said that he was talking about the first time that they ever met and he was gassed to meet him and stuff like that. Okay. This is T-Pain meeting that person. T-Pain meeting him. So it may have been Kanye. It may have been someone else.

Yeah. For some reason, it's kind of in my head, but he basically went up to him and was like, oh, cool. Nice to meet you. He was like, oh, gang. Yeah. Nice to meet you too. Everyone was pleasant. He was like, oh, you do know you've killed music. He told T-Pain. Yeah. The person, whether it's Kanye or not, he said, you've killed music. Oh, wow. Just so you know, because T-Pain set autotune off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he's like, you've killed music forever. Just know that. Like, you're alive, but just know music's dead because of you. Jesus. And T-Pain said at the time, he just brushed it off like, fuck off. Like, you're a hater, whatever. And then like, after sitting down in the cinema, he was thinking, fuck, have I killed music? Have I actually destroyed music? Because now it doesn't matter. Because T-Pain can actually sing. He can actually sing, of course. But it's like, it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter if you sing or something. You can't. Because everyone's on auto now. Almost everyone's got an auto-tune. Yeah, yeah.

Imagine hearing that from one of your idols. Damn. But I feel like tough criticism like that is the reason probably why he's an idol, you know? Oh yeah. Let's say it was Kanye West for example. Kanye West is very outspoken. He speaks his mind. And I'm assuming T-Pain as a growing artist at the time, like you said, he brushed it off, but it would have come a stage where he feels like,

let's say it was kind of kind of said that for a reason you know he wasn't trying to diminish who he was as an artist but just let you know big man you're great but you fucked up yeah you've ruined it for everyone you've ruined it for everyone yeah and it's something he has to take on the chain you know because kind of kind of again is a visionary thinker yeah thought processor so yeah man i can understand i can understand that yeah that was like um with uh obviously not as deep as as you've killed music but i remember because jay cole had that track let nas down in it yeah

man said Nas was this guy forever yeah yeah yeah finally met him and he's like you're hard but that because was it workout for me I think it was workout it's like that workout tune is fucking shit like what actually is that like what are you doing what are you actually doing damn the thing I I think that track is banging obviously from Nas's perspective Nas knows a lot more about music than I do

But I think that's banging. I think that track's banging. It is a banging tune, but I think what Naz is trying to say is that that's not you. It's so painful. Obviously, that's a cash grab song. Of course. That's a pop song. Because that was his first major single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was his mixtapes before then? The Come Up. The Come Up. The Warm Up. The Come Up. The Blow Up. The Blow Up. Yeah. And obviously, he was rapping his ass off. Yeah.

He was grinding. He was grinding his ass off. Speaking of J. Cole, I was doing like a little throwback. Sorry to cut you off. No, no, no. Sorry to divert. I was doing like a little throwback thing. Spotify comes up with loads of old school playlists and stuff. And do you remember A Star Is Born? Jay-Z, J. Cole. Every day a star is born. Yeah, I remember. I remember. I remember. Clap for him. Clap for him. I do remember. Now you just did the clap for him. J. Cole's verse in that track, bro. He's hard. He's hard.

I was like because I remember I heard that song I think I was in year maybe 12 or 13 when that album dropped and I heard that verse and I was thinking wow what a verse yeah what a fucking verse um that's when I was like yeah J. Cole you're you're the guy but then I sorry to cut you off again but I can now thinking back to that I can understand why um Nas said ah the workout track

Yeah, I think amusing he was saying it. I think the perspective he was putting on it was basically how anyone else would feel if Nas made that workout song. Regardless of his banger, if Nas made that song, everyone would be like, what are you doing? What are you doing, big man? Put down the pom-poms, G. Make the real music. Yeah, okay. So I think that's what he was trying to say to J. Cole. Like, that's petty, fam. What are you doing? That's not you. Don't beg it. It's a banger, but it doesn't matter. Don't beg it for the peace. Yeah, it's a club tune, fam. What are you doing? But then, yeah, J. Cole makes...

bangers he does make bangers um i went back and listened to what was it one song that i remember back then was one that made me think like rah but it's not one of the ones that typically people would think okay it's uh yeah j cole on born sinner um it's a light one is she gonna pop do you remember that one you'd have to i remember the track um the tune's like it's like a little floating hang on because now they've got it

A similar predicament. She asked me where her nigga went. Yeah, I do remember it. She said, your guess is as good as mine. It was probably one of the ones that I didn't like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a skip over thing. It's a skip over thing where when you're playing the album, it's like, yeah, it's cool. Yeah, it's a light one, fam. But for me, that one, I just love the flow in that one. Okay. I love that. And it's a story story. If you actually listen to it, in the lyrics, it's a story story. It's a story. That's why I do love J. Cole. And I remember when I was listening to it, I was thinking, God, everyone's sleeping on this song. This song's bad. And I used to feel that way with...

He had that song. It reminded me, it was like a Tyler-esque song. Okay. It was like stalker-ish. Okay. This is the girl of my dreams.

and it's as good as what she seems ah but it's about a girl that he fancies he's just like following her around to her work and all that stuff to find out that she's got like she's got next man and stuff like tyler she in it yeah yeah yeah yeah so yeah i remember that song i was like this is a banger but again it was one of them ones that everyone used to just like oh yeah that's cool and then skip on but yeah i loved that song but i feel because i think at that time

Because remember, J. Cole has been rapping for 13, 14 years. So obviously when we got first introduced to him in uni. Hey, you man, what in the blood clout is going on? You already know what time it is. You already know it's time to shed some light on the boys over at Manscaped. So I've said it before. I'm going to say it again. These men came hard with the brand new Performance Package 4.0.

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It was all about the bangers. It was all about what pops in the shoops. What pops in the dance. And obviously that's why workout banged for us at our age. Whereas Nas was like, that's not you big man. Rap. Yeah. Don't dance for me. Rap for me. You know, don't dance for man. Rap for me. You know, prove your worth for me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But back in those days, that's what it was like. Even still now, more time. Sometimes you need a club hit to raise your profile. And obviously that was his first single. I think that was his first single workout. His first proper single. It was definitely his first club you won. For sure. I'm assuming so. But like pre-mixtapes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was his first banger. So I can understand the fact that

we all needed at that point club bangers all the time but that's probably the reason why a lot of these songs got slept on because people aren't checking for that yeah people want to bop yeah yeah they ain't got time for that the deep stuff they haven't got time for it time for that but the more and more you listen to jayco and the more you go obviously jayco now is classed as one of the best lyricists in the world so when you go back and listen to his old stuff you appreciate the old stuff that's why i do with drake as well sometimes yeah yeah i was having this conversation in the car with um

and Fatal talking about the clarity of musicians nowadays and the reason why Dave's doing so well because the clarity you can hear everything he says why Stormzy's doing so well but people like Getz for example are

gets raps very, very fast. And like a lot of things will go over people's heads. But because I listen to that kind of music, I hear everything he gets says, but he will never be as popular as Dave. Purely because Dave's clarity is just second to none. Same with Stormzy and same with Drake. That's the reason why these men are excelling, you know? I understand why those guys are the goats in there. That makes sense. That being said,

with the, I'm going to get slapped for this. The Stormzy ting. You see how you said our team doesn't get enough flowers. In my opinion, Stormzy gets way too many flowers. Okay. And it makes me hate him. And it's not even his fault. Okay. But he gets so many flowers in this country anyway. Okay. That I'm just like enough. Okay. Like I just, I don't know. There's nothing that he's ever made that I've heard that I've been like, that's fucking prolific.

Do you know what I mean? That's like, that's a different thing. I can see your blood pressure's raising. No, no, no. Cause I'm, my brain is working and thinking about how, not one, how I can prove you wrong, but like, cause I, I don't necessarily listen to Stormzy. Like the, the heavy is the head that, heavy is the head is his most recent album. Yeah. Which came out a few years ago. I don't, I don't, I've not banged that album, but I've listened to that album. Yeah. But I've,

kind of followed Stormzy's career. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From like Shut Up and all of that, and Wicked Sandman Part 3, all of that stuff. But when it comes to his features...

because i listen to stormzy like the features the things he says bro yeah his wordplay the clarity like i said again the clarity i understand why stormzy's up there people like chip for example chip has been around as long as god he's been around for like 15 16 years since i was in secondary school yeah since i was in secondary school chip's been spitting and he like you said he never runs out of bars that's why that's one of his most prolific bars i never run out of bars but

Because, again, for me, because I listen to him and follow him, for me, what he says is clear, like, there's clarity. But because he's not looking to sell out and, like, go into this mainstream world, he just makes music for him and his people and his fans. He will never be as globally accepted as all these other people. Yeah, man. I understand where you're coming from in terms of the Stormzy thing. Because, like I said, I don't really...

For me, that album wasn't like a prolific album, like you said, but I know Stormzy's got what it takes. Yeah, that's fair enough. Purely because...

I listen to him and like his features and all of that are just so, so, so good. So good. And he does a lot. I think the reason why Stormzy is also out there, he does a lot for the community. He does a lot for black people. He does a lot for, you know, it's more, it's not just about the music for Stormzy. Yeah. And that's the reason why he's, I believe he's escalated as far as he has. Fair play. If that makes sense. I could be completely wrong, but that's my assumption. That was a monologue, man. Fair play. Yeah.

He deserves to spud you for that. He deserves to spud you for that. He should hear that and be like, thank you. You know, I do, I do hear that though. But yeah, man. Yeah. For me, obviously I don't, I don't look for his music, but obviously you can't not hear a lot of it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And everything I've ever heard of his, obviously it's enjoyable. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But considering he gets like,

in a lot of circles gets like he's just like you said like oh you've got drake you've got stormzy in there and then he actually gets that kind of recognition and for me personally obviously i'm just like i don't get it yeah i don't get it like to me it's just any artist to me like i've never thought oh banger obviously i thought yeah cool but like never ever ever ever thought

I'm happy this guy is getting the love that he's getting because he deserves it. I do hear you. I do hear you. But then obviously that depends on how much you listen to someone. Which again is understandable. It's true. I don't know if you know, but maybe two years ago, him and Chip were in a back-to-back beef.

um and they were dropping they were dropping um tracks on youtube i can't maybe it was two years ago yeah yeah they were dropping tracks on youtube chip i've always rated chip like his bars and everything anything chip spits on is always fire but again when it comes to the clarity like i said stormzy there was i can't remember what the tracks are called but i can remember seeing the videos in my head he did one in tokyo and he did another one and he did when he he was beefing his faces in my head is not lethal but he's um

Wiley. Oh yeah. He had a back and forth with Wiley as well. Bro. Some of the, but I can't remember now, obviously, but when I, when I think about it back or when I think about it, when I was listening to it at the time, I was thinking, yo, Stormzy, you're, you're a lyricist, bro. That's fair. I heard, I heard he was taking time to come out with him. He was, he was coming next day. Chip is, that's the thing with chip. Chip is a real MC. Yeah.

That's what I'm saying. But he's never going to get the flowers that Stormzy's got. But Chip is a real... He's raw. He's about this life. He's in the streets. You know? Next day, bro. He will pen down game that night and then release a video tomorrow. That's what Chip's on. Chip's on smoke. And it's a fact. He's on smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if it comes to...

When it comes to like the household name Stormzy, he's just bigger than that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just a fact. Yeah, you just have to... You just have to hold that L. Yeah, you have to... But it's a shame. You actually have to hold that L. It's a shame because Chip's been in the game longer than Stormzy. From time. Bro, that album he did with all the American dance, he did with Chris Brown and all them lot. It's called Champion. Yeah. That came out in like 2012. Man went fully pop, but it's still bang. He got on the track with Trey Songz, Chris Brown, so many American artists. I forgot about that. Fucking...

Mavado. What's it? Every girl I met. Wow, bro. I completely forgot about the whole thing. Bro, Chip's done stuff in this game. Yeah, he has. He's done stuff in this game. Yes, he has. I forgot all about that. He got signed to TI. That was it. That's how he got propelled into the American genre and the American world and stuff. He got signed to TI's label. What's it called? Grand Hustle or Hustle? I can't remember what it's called.

But that's the reason why he got propelled into that aspect. But I think that fell off and he came back to his UK roots and then he just started dropping and dropping and dropping. But there was a bar he said where Chip the artist or Chip the MC, which one is it? But I can take it. He said, I can't remember which track it was, but he said, I have a raw, whichever chip you want, I can bring it. I can still deliver because he can chip can bro.

but Stormzy's flowers are they're bigger than his they're bigger than Chip's which is a shame because I feel like they're both great MCs but yeah we're just rambling about artists now that's calm man I'm in the zone now bro you I love music bro you said you said that's because Chip's a real MC you said it with chest fam Chip is a real MC Chip doesn't fuck about bro that's making me laugh every time you say it bro if Chip hears his name in someone else's track he's already got his pen and paper

He's already got his pen and paper. He's ready to scrap anyone. He's ready to scrap... That's the thing. That's why I love Chip because he knows he can go toe-to-toe with anyone. He knows. He knows. He's waiting to hear his name. He's waiting for someone to send for him. He doesn't need to send anymore. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. And bro, you got to give him the flowers for that. Yeah. Because he comes correct every single time. Yeah. Every single time. True, true, true, true, true. He's got bars. It's true. But that's another thing as well. That's another thing as well. When you say to go back to the, the Wiley thing. Yeah.

Wiley deserves every flower ever grown. Wiley's a pioneer. Wiley's a pioneer. Because that's kind of what started off his beef before, isn't it? What do you mean? He was just getting, not slept on, but basically he just wasn't getting the love. And he was trying to, he was at it screaming. You man don't even know who I am. It's the younger generation. The Gen Z didn't rate him. They didn't rate him. Your toy's getting laughed at. I'm thinking, Wiley. Big Wiley Coyote. Roll deep.

Nah. Roll deep. In the ends? I think that's... Roll deep in the ends. I think that's what the track's called. That was my childhood. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wiley was on smoke when I was a kid. Wiley was on smoke. And when I heard him just get... Laugh that. Laugh that. As a kid.

I wanted to fight his corner. These youngers don't understand. They don't get it. They don't get who this is. And that reminded me of when people, like you can talk to like older people now, especially if you're talking about like old school hip hop and they'll bring out names that you just like, please shut up. Yeah. Like if anyone's obviously, you know, their pioneers, but when they're just like, oh, ice cube. Um, and just like, I know what you mean. Public enemy and all that. It's not on the level that it needs to be. And you're like,

and you could tell they want to smack you in your face because it's way before our time way before our time way for time and then anything that's made now is based on the back of that and then just like yeah but like these artists have got all these things to go from they can sample whatever they want these my back they had nothing nothing and this was the fire they were coming out with that's very true bro all these drake songs that we love he samples galore that's very true he samples galore him kanye kendrick all of them do it and then they get all the love and

These men back here are just, they're just broke. Cause there was no internet back then. There was no, there was none of that technology back then. There was none of that back then. Cause when I find out, I can't, I can't think of an example right now, but when I listen to a banger for a, by Drake or J Cole or Kendrick or someone like that in our era, for example, and I realized the song has been sampled from like the 1980s. I'm like, wow,

wow speaking of speaking of there is there's a few of these but there's one guy on tiktok i think i know that he does who sampled to you like you wouldn't believe who this never believe this was sampled yeah there's a few of them but there's have you seen this guy he's like he's wears a mask no see yeah i know which one you're talking about this guy he's got a smooth mellow tone okay he's just like some tall white guy okay and um

Like he's got a deep voice. The American guy, deep voice. And he's like, welcome back to, you never believe it was sampled part 100. He had hundreds of them. And some of them are so obvious, but then some of them, some of them, and you're just like, okay, cool. So you take this beat and it's just like some, any beat from the fucking,

temptations yeah yeah yeah and or earth wind of fire or some shit yeah and then you're like all right cool and they double speed it and they reverb it and they this it and they're that and you're like where are you going with this bro and then they do it and then you're like bro you can hear it you can hear it you can hear it yeah yeah fucking hell like how bro how is that even the daft punk do that on bits daft punk they do that on on crack

Yes, they do. The... Was it Get Lucky? Or whatever it's called? What's that? What, the Pharrell one? It's Daft Punk featuring Pharrell, right? Yeah. Yeah, they sampled... I'm sure they sampled that. Really? I think so. I think I've seen... Oh, either they sampled that or someone sampled them. Because I've seen someone do a sample with Daft Punk in it. I can't remember. It rings a bell, but I can't remember. The sample I saw with the Daft Punk one was the... Oh, no. How does it go? It's like... It's an old one. Da...

one more time yes i've seen that one i've seen that one i've seen that one yeah i think that's the one i was talking about and that original is is from like the 60s yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah mad mad mad mad um but anyway we've done like half an hour of um lyricist shit

I have a fun fact. Basically, it's kind of a fun fact, but it's basically like a statement followed up. It's a statement that I truly believe now, followed up by facts. Okay. Cool. So the statement is, pandas, you see, you know how pandas are endangered? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. They deserve to be. Pandas deserve to be endangered, my G. They don't deserve to live. And I'll tell you why. They don't want to live. Because they're stupid. Pandas are stupid. Pandas are stupid. So facts about pandas, right?

This is why they don't deserve to be saved. We're wasting resources on these men and they don't want it for themselves. So if they don't want it for themselves, then why do we want it for them? Why are we doing it? Yeah, yeah. Why are we checking for them? Stupid, bruv. So, first of all, their mating window for the year is five days. No fucking way. Five days out of the year they fuck. Five days.

Pause. Imagine only having, imagine only being horny for five days out of 365 days a year as human beings. Oh, everyone will be in prison. If you're not nutting in those five days, pen. Murder. No one's going to work that week. We couldn't function as a society like that. Everyone's stressed. It would literally be purged for five days. It would be. The first nut takes someone's eye out. Yeah, 100%. You'll drown them from the inside out. It's disgusting.

the insider um second so first of all they make they they're making windows five days a year jesus man said and also on top of that they're completely solitary which means they live completely each and every individual one live completely alone no way which means in these five days they they're just looking for man they don't even know who's about i can't believe that yeah fam so they only make for five days a year they're completely solitary and

The baby, when it's born, is 1 900th the size of the mum. Wow. 1 900th. As small as hell. And whenever the mum gets hungry, she just leaves it. So baby pandas get yammed for joke. No. They're tiny little things and the mum gets a little... She gets peckish and bounces. Doesn't bring you... Bounces. Says, I'm starving. Just fucks off and gets food.

for hours hours at a time no way leaves the little ute by itself of course it's going to get backed of course it's going to get backed one young cobra just sliding through the jungle is going to hold something and oh funny this is the fun fact guess what the name do you know what the name of a group of pandas is called i feel like i've seen it somewhere definitely you must have seen it but for the life of me i can't remember so you will remind me an embarrassment that's what it's actually called a group of pandas is called an embarrassment

I can't take it with a straight face. A group of pandas is called embarrassment. That is hilarious because it's so coincidental. Bro. Oh, they're useless animals. Fam? Let them die because they're not supposed to be here. They climb trees and drop for joke. Do they? They drop all... Have you never seen panda videos of them just dropping? You've never seen that? I don't watch panda videos, bro. I've seen it on like Twitter and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I have to... They just climb trees and just drop. They're the clumsiest animals...

Oh, wow. They're the clumsiest animals in the world, bro. Bro, they need to drop like the dodo. They need to be done. Clumsy panda. Clumsy panda's falling. All right, bet. Oh, I've seen this one on Twitter for sure. Fucking advert. Because they got, fam, there's charities for these men. Oh, yeah. Fully fledged, licensed charities begging me for money to save these ones. They don't want to save themselves. Let me see if I can, fam. These men are idiots. Yeah, they're useless.

They just fall from the highest heights. Yeah, they're fully useless.

To be fair, so are humans, fam. We fall daily. To be fair? We fall daily. I think, I was going to say, I think the thing with us, the reason why it's different is because we can comprehend what's right and wrong. But then again, pandas, all animals probably can comprehend what's right and wrong. Oh, yeah. But obviously I'm not a panda, so I don't know. It's true. I'm assuming, so. It's true. Anyway, you said you had a scenario. Yes, fucking, I forgot about that. It's more of a, it is a scenario slash what would you do kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, remember,

and months ago I was reading this confession box thing where someone sent it was on Instagram and someone sent us a random scenario bro it was more like sexual I remember yeah so wasn't a night out with the girls to get my mind off my ex who had recently cheated on me having a fab light having a fab night drinks were coming the atmosphere was good dancing and generally having a blast one fella caught my eye and I saw him having a look too

As the night went on, looks and smiles were exchanged and towards the end of the night, he approached me and we ended up leaving to get a Maccies. Sounds perfect already, innit? I can see your lips. It sounds perfect already, innit? I can imagine myself in a dance. We are skipping the Maccies. We are skipping the Maccies. I can imagine myself in a dance.

on the dance already. Exchanging looks and pleasantries. Yeah, yeah. You wouldn't be exchanging nothing. You'll hold the eye contact. Bro, I hold eye contact. I love eye contact. I love eye contact. You man, if you could ever see Foo head in a club, yeah? When he's on the prowl. Oh my days. It's concerning. He does not blink when he sees the girl he likes. He does not blink or move or nothing, bro. I love that, bro. Eye contact is, for me, is so sexy, bro. Yeah.

I love it. It makes my blood boil, but in a good way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're staring straight and you're not staring at me, if we're out together and you're staring straight and your face is straight, I already know what you're doing before I look. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're doing. And I could be talking to you and you won't look at me. I won't be looking. I'll be looking through you, bro. I'm looking at a spice. But yeah, anyway. It's too funny. Carry on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to read it off a bit. So as the night went on, looks and smiles were exchanged and towards the end of the night, he approached me and we ended up leaving to get a Maccies.

Was all going well. We ordered some food and he must have complimented me about 10 times, like telling me I was the best looking girl he saw in a club. Proceeding to act shy and cute, I accidentally snorted and just my luck, the biggest booger fell out my nose, flew out of my nose and into his fries. He was so absolutely mortified and it was safe to say we called it a night and he never saw me again. Fam, what would you do if you're the guy?

What do you do? You've secured, you and her have exchanged pleasantries, bro. You've had a cheeky grin, a cheeky smile, a cheeky whine, a cheeky dance. You guys have grabbed a drink. She's peng, bro. How peng is she? Fam, she's peng. She's peng. She's like a nice eight, like you don't know her. So she's a nice eight out of 10. You don't know what she looks like outside of work or whatever. She's a nice eight out of 10 on the night. She's feeling you. You're feeling her, bro.

Like boom, boom, boom. Let's leave early. I'm hungry. She's like, she says, I'm hungry. Let's grab a Mackey's. And you know, you love a Mackey's after a Donya. Hot chips. Hot chips. Yeah, bro. Hot chips and a burger. We're there. We're there. I know we've talked about this many times. We love McDonald's after a dance. She offers you a, let's go McDonald's. I'm hungry, bro. And we're like, you guys dip. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

You man are skipping in McDonald's. What should I get? What should I get? You're having giggles on the automated. You're clicking the automated thing. She's clicking for me. She's clicking for you. She's trying to remove my gherkins and I slap her hand like that. I want my gherkins bro, shut up. I love gherkins bro. She's like, shut up Jase. Shut up Jase. You guys are flowing bro. Yeah. Flowing bro. Chit chatting, chit chatting, chit chatting. I'll be texting you. You'll be like that? You'll be in the show telling me to shut up.

That's too funny because it's so true. So yeah. So you get your food now. You guys are talking, talking. So you bust one. I don't know. You bust a joke that makes her giggle. Yeah. Giggle as you're like. Fam? Snorts into your chip. You're mid like eating like, you know, you're there, you're there. You just see it. Slow-mo. Bang. Lands into the middle of your hot fries. What do you do? Right. What do you do? It's dread. All right, cool.

For me, as I was hearing it, this one's actually kind of like a no-brainer for me. Okay. So if I thought she was paying enough that I would actually want to see her again after today, wouldn't give a fuck. Okay. About the booger ting. Okay. I wouldn't give a single fuck. Okay. Yeah, I literally wouldn't care. That makes sense. But if she's just a ting that I just want to fucking smash. Mm-hmm.

like she's like she's not someone i would ever really go for and i'm no interest in seeing again after the day but she's just got body or something she's got something about that's appealing like fuck me eyes or something she's got something about that i think like i know she slops a nasty tool like this is about to be a and like a disgusting one night bang and then i'm out of there like if i'm thinking i'm already not sleeping here tonight yeah yeah yeah yeah that is all it would take for me to be like dash the chips in her face and walk out

100%. If I thought, I don't even find this girl that attractive, but she just looks like she's nasty. Yeah, she slops the top. She slops the top. Yeah, she slops the top. And then I make a little jokey joke and she laughs and there's snot all over my food. I will launch it in her face and I'll walk out. It's one of them ones where

Bugger goes into the chip But there's also Bugger down her lip Because it's excessive I will kiss my teeth Your mood would change Your boner would subside bro You'll see me back in the shops in 10 You'll see me back in the dance in 10 Looking for a new blood What are you doing here? I'll tell you later Let's do a lap Let's enjoy the night

That is hilarious. Bro, yeah. If she was just a nut, that's all it would take for me to move. That or a fart or something like that. Maybe even a wet burp. Get out of my face. What's a wet burp? Like a sicky burp. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. One that you couldn't do with your mouth closed. I know exactly what you mean. It sounded like a little gargle on the end of it. Get the fuck out of here.

That's all it would take, bro. That's all it would take. With me... That's hilarious. With me, if I don't actually find that girl, like, very attractive, bro, honestly, the smaller things turn me off. Yeah, yeah. If I saw, like, a weird streak of tan on the back of her leg... Done.

Done. I know what you mean. She's wearing heels and I can see like a black heel. Like her foot bomb is... Because she's been walking barefoot. You know she's been walking barefoot. Oh, that's one of my pets, bro. We could be walking down the road and her fucking ankle twists slightly to the left. Fat, fat. Gone. I'm done.

I'm done. Fucking hold yourself together, babes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold yourself together. We've all had a few drinks. Yeah, if it's just a slanting, anything can put me off. Anything can put me off. I just don't know when it's going to happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what it's going to happen. I can look at the back of her head and just see like a little clump. I'm out. Um...

out bro anything could put me off okay let's say it wasn't a booger thing let's say it wasn't it wasn't as obvious as a booger and for example you saw like a heel back you clearly can tell she's been walking barefoot how would you leave the situation your scenario you're both in McDonald's you're both ordering food everything is going well there's no booger you're having a great conversation and just one of the small things put me off one of the small things put you off how are you leaving

How are you patterning it so you can go? Because obviously now you're not sexually frustrated by her. Yeah, and I'm thinking I could probably get back in the dance if I leave now. Have another lap, have another round. I would probably, because I don't want to lie. I don't want to say, oh, just fucking leave out. Because I'm too scared to do that. I don't know what's going to come after. I would probably, knowing me, pretend that you've called me. True.

You would bail me. Oh, I'd bail you. I'd bail you. I'd bail you in my pocket. And then I'd be like, hello? And you'd be like, what do you want, fam? What? Sorry, bro, one sec. What do you mean? Who? Chicken nuggets. Fat and no ice. Fat and no ice. No ice. Yeah. Yeah, but not the normal barbecue, the smoky one. The 20p one. 20p. They're going to ask for 20p, but just say it with confidence and they might give it to you for free. Hang on, fam. A man's in a McDonald's. He's there. He's at the counter. Ha ha.

Yo fam hang on I'm still here I'm still here I'm still here Yeah yeah Yeah can we do nine instead of six Alright Say it let's say it Say bet yeah Um Yeah take my card It's fine Um bro honestly Are you alone? You're not alone Keep the receipt Um Bro you know what Ah shit Um I'm just trying to think Because I'm with Kelly Um Bro I know I know I know I know Don't move don't move You know what don't move don't move don't move Um

Bro, it's not far. It's not far. I'll tell you what. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to call you back in two minutes. Yeah, I'm going to call you back in two minutes. Babe, I've got to go. I'm literally going to be back in five. Yeah. If you're having trouble, trouble, you're not going to be able to keep up in these hills. Stay here. Enjoy your meal. I'll have mine. Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, look at you. You're painting. Painting. Painting. Painting. Make her smile before she did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trust me, I'm going to be back. Painting. Look at you. Scared. You little kniving motherfucker. You little tart. I'll be back.

fam i'll dip and i'll never return you'll never see her again 100 i'm never returning oh that's hilarious well thought though but that's hilarious that's hilarious brother i love that what are you doing fam i don't know if she's paying with the booger thing if she's paying oh so the booger scenario we're going back okay and then we'll transform it i don't know it depends on how she plays it off

Because obviously we both know this booger thing's happened. It also depends on whether one, she tries to ignore that it happened or she embraces that it happens and we laughed about it. Yeah. Because if she tries to ignore it and we both know what happened, I have to make it known that I'm never going to eat these chips again. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have to let her know that. Big man, did you just see what happened? Like, are we not going to address this? I'm not trying to embarrass you, but you saw this happen. It came out from you. You know? Yeah.

You have to say sign. Yeah. At least a sorry. Let me run you another chippy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. You can't ignore it. You can't get embarrassed. You have to chest this. You have to chest it because we're here now. You need to know your peng. You're peng-er than this booger. Exactly. Don't let the booger beat you. Exactly, bro. So if the booger beats her and she doesn't embrace the situation, I'm going to be like, what's going on? Big babes, you just fucking snorted in my chips. You ever run me another one?

Or I need to bounce because this isn't on. This isn't on. But if she rolls up to me and embraces him like, oh my fucking days, I am so sorry, blah, blah, blah. She just bursts out laughing. She was pissing herself. Pissing herself laughing. If she's banging and then she snorts on my tits and starts howling like, fuck now, I'm sorry. I'm more, I'm more, I'm more gas. I don't even want to fuck tonight. I want to cuddle. I want to get to know you. This is bae. Because you're Vance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.

Oh, you told the kids. How do we meet? Funny story, guys. Funny. I thought it was a smash thing. And she snorted on my chip. She snorted on my chip. Snorted on my chip. But here you are. Yeah, I never wanted anyone else ever again. Bro. So it has to be one of them things. It depends on how she reacts to the situation. 100%. So if she embraces it and we laugh about it, I'm going to keep the night moving with her.

If she tries to make it seem as if it never happened, or be like, oh no, it wasn't me, it was you kind of thing, like a reverse role play thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dashing the chips and dipping. No excuse. Because I have no reason to give her. I couldn't care less. You know me sometimes, I couldn't care less. You'll walk out, fam. I'll walk away. She'll be talking and you just won't look back. I'm a fam? She'll bop toilets, she'll never see me again. She will never see me again. Oh God.

Because we've not exchanged numbers at this point. We've just bought McDonald's. She'll never see me again. It's done. Throwing her dirty heel back. She'll never see me again. Oh, yeah. For me, bro. Yeah. It's literally a case of if she's banging, banging, she owns it.

bro we're cool we're still going back to yard after 100 bro but if you if you try and lie to me or if you let this yeah if you let the shame of this not defeat you yeah you're done you're done out here bro you're done here bro yeah 100 and yeah to me even to be fair if and but that's if she's paying if she's just a bank that's why i said seven eight she has to be paid yeah it's just a bank thing i don't care if she owns it i don't care what happens i'm gone it depends fam to me if the

Figures naughty Yeah I know I know for you I know for you With his finger licking Chicken type ting Yeah yeah yeah I don't know I know for you I know you'll put up with a lot Fam I'll go to the toilet And grab her a tissue

not me bro i'll dash my chips like babes i need to get you a t-shirt because this isn't running yeah let's clean up and let's dip yeah yeah yeah no not me jay yeah i know it doesn't take i'm shallow when it comes to my one night stands i'm shallow fam it doesn't take you much to leave it doesn't take anything i know what you mean i'll lose a bone out that i know what you mean oh it's done but then again i don't like especially if i know

This can potentially lead to, like, great sex. And if I think she's either 7 out of 10 banging or physique-wise, she's just meat for me. Like, she's lunch for me, you know? And it's reciprocated. Like, I'm lunch for her. Yeah. If it's that kind of sexual vibe, it will take a lot for it to ruin my mojo. A lot. But that depends. For me, for me to look at... Because that's the thing. Like, for it to just be a bang ting, the way I'm talking, I'm not even looking at her, like...

None of that. Because I'm not eating pom. I'm not doing nothing. Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm just talking about she is just like foundation level, just hot enough to bang. Okay. And I was just trying to pattern the end of the night smash. That's it. If I'm looking at a thing like, this is lunch? I'm looking for a great time? Then yeah. You want to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happily. Happily. But then again...

obviously we've had two sips but at the end of that mcdonald's now you've probably had bag of drinks your jd's are like true your your mindset is different true and when we're drunk bro yeah our tools speak for themselves true my tool might not give a fuck do you know what i mean my tool might not give speaks for themselves bro my tool my tool probably thinking i wish you snotted on me

Some nasty nasty. Some nasty. She's a nasty. My drunk mind's crazy as well. My drunk mind's crazy. With hard tool and drunk head, she'll snot and I'll be like, oh, she a nasty, nasty. She's a nasty bitch. Nasty bitch. Come here. You filthy little slag. Come here. Where's your apartment, babe? How far are we, man? Come on. Let's scram these chips and dip because I'm blosky. Oh, that's hilarious, bro.

nah that's too funny man fuck me oh okay cool that's going um for me i've got one's got we had a few people sending one's gotta go oh i forgot they're tame they're hella tame but they're like yeah they're they're just it's just a one-off thing okay but it's just nice it's just i liked it um okay cool so this one i'll go with this one one's gotta go jim this is an interesting one fine dining

gym fine dining clubs or holidays that's tough yeah it's all over the shop that's tough that's that's different levels of enjoyment for me that dopamine is different for each one yeah exactly so gym fine dining clubs and holidays jim i mean i think right what forever fuck

I love fine dining because obviously what I do, I appreciate great service. I appreciate good food. I understand what it takes to provide this level of service. You know what I mean? But I love going out. I've not been out, obviously, I've not had a great night out since Amsterdam, which was February 2020. Yeah.

I've not been February 20. I've not been out since then. I think I'm going to go out this weekend, actually. Is it? I think so. Because the way my shift pattern patterns, I think I'm out tonight. Oh, I say tonight. I think I'm out this weekend. I think I'm out this weekend. So we'll see. I hope I'm not, but I am. But I would have, it can never be holidays. I love going away, even though I don't go away that often. I still embrace it. It can never be gym because gym is life. Gym is solidarity. You know, gym is everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It might have to be fine dining. As much as I know it brings to the table, brings to my table, I can't get rid of clubs, bro. Yeah, I know what you mean. I can't get rid of gym and I can't get rid of holidays. I know what you mean. It would have to be the fine dining. What about you? That's a good one. It is good. That made me think. For me, it would have to be either fine dining or holidays. And I love holidays. Okay, so why holidays? Because I haven't been on holiday...

in ages now i know i neither have i but i know the feeling of going away especially with people that you love to be around you know i miss the feeling i do miss it so imagine never having that again exactly um but like say we're going out tonight yeah and i know the food is fine

And I'm giddy. Yeah, okay. I'm giddy for it. Okay, I know what you mean. I don't want to ever not have this feeling ever again. Oh, you've made me think a lot more now. Purely because a fine dining experience can happen week in, week out. Whereas a holiday will never happen week in, week out. Yeah, it's once a year. It's probably like three, four. I say three, four times a year. Maybe like one or two times a year. You know, depending on your social status, your financial status.

you don't go on holiday week in week out. Whereas you can have a good fine dining experience week in week out. It's true. But then again, holidays are week plus. Fine dining is two hours. I think for me, it still has to be fine dining. Yeah. I think, I think in the end I will pick fine dining to go. Um, I'll miss it. But yeah, holidays bro. When like, that's the thing right now. I care, but I don't care. But if we had something booked, um,

I'll be gassed oh yeah as soon as something's booked yeah we also have booked right now that I know it's going to be a banging holiday yeah gas yeah yeah yeah yeah I know what you mean I know exactly what you mean oh and I'll be gassed every day that we're there bro I'll be gassed every day and tired on the last oh 100% knackered on the last day I had a great time in Amsterdam where we went yeah and that was that was normal that was like a light holiday it was great um

Marbella had a whale of a time. Miami, whale of a time. That was a long time ago. Very long time. Miami was nine years ago. Nine years ago, yeah. Oh, that's embarrassing. But yeah, all the holidays we've been on, I've had a great time. Yeah. Great time. Same, same, same. I wake up excited. It doesn't even matter if I'm tired. Yeah. Ibiza. Ibiza was great, bro. That was fun. Ibiza was great. I was shattered every day.

I was shattered every single day. On the last day? The last day in Ushuaia? My knees wanted to break, bro. Bro. I couldn't stand up anymore. Lewis is lucky. I love him. I did that all for him, bro, because I didn't want to be there anymore. I was so tired. Oh, there were so many paintings in Ushuaia. There was one painting. She was by herself standing next to me. I think I remember. Wedge Hill's tees were just flamboyant.

oh she was so beautiful but yeah yeah that night was oh tiring for me i was exhausted bro exhausted hungry i remember we were hungry went to where's that american spot afterwards yeah yeah that was bad that was my favorite part the whole night that's the sign of my age boy yeah yeah the bow party was trash

I felt through You man don't understand yeah So we went on a boat We went on a boat party I think it was It was boat party Dennis Shwaya right It was the same day was it not Yeah it was the same day Worst day of my life I was The thing is Just sorry to cut you off Before we get into it I was promised a nap Between the two Were you I was promised a nap From someone Either both you man Or one of you man Promised me a nap I told you how tired I was I was promised a nap Between the two And then two two Look all voucher ting Yeah yeah And they're like Let's go now

I was so tired. That's hilarious. I wanted to cry. Bro. When we decided that we weren't sleeping in between those two things, I wanted, in my head, it was like, cool, boat party finishes, like the whole time I'm on the boat, I was so tired, fam. And I'm thinking, right, I can handle this. And I'm hanging as well. Yeah. I'm thinking, right, boat party finishes at like six. Get back to the apartment for like seven.

sleep until like 10 at least and then we can be out by 11 yeah yeah ashwaya till three four five i don't care i don't care anymore bro finish the ting at six check the time so we need to be in before seven yeah we have to go straight there ashwaya was empty when we got there but that was the early birding that's the early birding free free entry and it was like a hundred quid if you wanted to get in like a normal time yeah i can see why it's 100 quid it's fucking nice in there but

Bro. Bro. Yeah, you're throwing up, Ting. Bro, so yeah. Boat party, right? We went on a boat party during the day before we went to Ushuaia. And we've probably spoken about this before. It was the same day where that chick had the tampon coming out of her ting. And I tried to tell her, babes,

So for those who haven't seen it, I can't remember what episode it was. So we were on a boat party. First of all, when you think about a boat party in Ibiza, you think, big man, I'm going to be on a yacht. We all thought we were going to be on a yacht. There's going to be a pool on the yacht. There's going to be bitches. I thought me and Martin Garrix were going to be here. Bro, the DJ is going to be lavish. There's going to be volleyball. There's going to be all sorts. There's going to be all sorts on this yacht. I thought there was going to be a pool in the middle of everything. Fam, fam, fam.

It was the smallest, dingiest, shittest ting. It was the shittest ting I've ever been on. It was the shittest ting I've ever been on. I was like, fuck my life. We already signed up for it. Let's go on. We went on this ting now.

So like I said, this was the same day that there was, I think, two, either Geordie Yates or, I think they were Geordie. I think they were Geordie. Two of them. They weren't that good looking for me, but. No, they were toads, bro. They weren't. And then one of them had a tampon in because a string was running down her leg. It was just so embarrassing. She's in a bikini, fam. She was in a bikini, a black bikini, all black bikini. Makes sense now because she was on a period. And he had a string running down her leg.

And I saw it. And I think I told you, man. I was like, I have to tell her. I have to tell her. So I went up to her. Obviously, music's loud. We're in the ocean. There's a, there's different ambience. And I wrapped my hand around her neck to whisper in her ear. She thought I was moving to her. She was giddy. She was down. She wrapped her hand around my neck. I was like, babes, I need to let you know. The string is hanging now. The string is hanging now. We can all see it. We can all see it. She gasped. She's like, there.

She told her girl, I'm dipped to the toilet. Dipped to the toilet. If I was her, I'd jump off the boat. That's shame. I couldn't show my face on deck again. At that point, now she had realised everyone had seen it. Everyone had seen it. Big man, I'm not showing my face on the port ever again. I'm leaping off the boat. I'm swimming back to shore. Needless to say, after that happened, fam, the boat was rocking.

I realized on that day I get seasickness because broski, I hadn't really drank that much. We hadn't really eaten that much that day. We had nothing to eat that day. This was our last, this was our second to last day. So we were all exhausted, right?

It was already a ship boat. I wasn't, we weren't down. It was two floors. We were on the ground floor and everyone was doing like liquid activities upstairs. I could hear the mic man and everyone going crazy. I was, I'm sitting downstairs cause I'm not here for this anymore. As soon as I stepped on the boat, I already knew I'm not having fun. So I'm not even going to pretend. I'm not going to pretend. The boat was rocking. We were far into the sea as well. So we couldn't tell man to go back. Then man, we're doing jet skis and whatnot. I was like, nah, man, I'm sweating. Fam, fam,

And the toilet was busy. Every man was going to that one toilet. Every man was bopping into that one. As soon as I saw it free, scurried in there, fam. I threw the fuck out.

up when i got back if you man could see the sweat you were so that was running down my face honest to god i thought someone had just dashed you in the water that's exactly what you said you said big man you look like you've just come back from jet skiing because i was soaked you were dripping wet man humans can't sweat like that i perspire sometimes you were sweating through your head i couldn't i physically couldn't believe it bro worst

Worst afternoon of the worst day of my life. And then we went to Ushuaia and my knees were killing me that day. Oh my days. I've never wanted to sleep so bad in my life. I wish we came to the... I wish we all came together as men.

At the beginning of the boat party, before we took off and said, guys, let's get off. This ain't it. This ain't it. I know we've paid our money, but we all know what's best. Let's get off. Let's go back to bed. Eat kip and go ashwaya at 6, 7. Oh, have a nice day at the hotel. Maybe another little dip. Some pre-drinks at Yard. And then we'll hit ashwaya. Oh.

That we should, we didn't think. We should have taken our wristbands and fucked off. Fucked off, yeah. Oh, we didn't think because there was only one afternoon we chilled in the hotel and had a dip. And that's when we saw like those three girls at our neighbors. Do you remember? Yeah.

Yeah, I remember the pool was warm. The pool was warm and we had like, we had a couple decent neighbours that we were talking to. You were talking to? I was talking to. I don't talk to people like that, Jay. I was happy for you, but I wasn't talking to anyone. But yeah, I remember we had a good afternoon one time. So I was like, why didn't we do that again? And we had that Italian spot next door. Even though we were in Spain, there was like an Italian joint next to us that served a banging, I will never forget how banging a Bolognese was.

That Bolognese didn't make sense. You ordered Bolognese and I think Lewis ordered Carbonara. I can't remember what you ordered. I think you ordered a Carbonara. And I remember thinking the Brit in me was like, there's no way I'm ordering Italian food in Ibiza. In Spain?

- The Briton, you're so stubborn. - The Briton is like, there's no way I'm ordering that 'cause I don't know what the fuck that's gonna taste like. And you were saying it's banging. He was like, this carbonara's banging. I think I ordered a burger and chips. - You must have. - I keep it basic. When I'm on a date, unless we're in that level of cuisine. If we're in China, I'll order Chinese, bro. If we're somewhere, like an Italian restaurant in Israel, bro, burger and chips or pizza, something flat, something basic.

Because I just, I fear for my life in them kind of things. I'm not going to lie to you. The bolognese didn't make sense. Yeah, that's cool. It was banging. I'm glad. I'll never forget. I'm glad. I'm glad. It makes no sense. I'm glad. I'm glad. I remember I ordered a lasagna and ayia napa. Worst mistake of my life. Really? Worst mistake of my life. That's probably the reason why you didn't go. I was hesitant to do it then. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And I did it and I wanted to dash it. Hesitant. It was sludge. Yeah.

it was absolute sludge and then i remember the girl i was with at the time she was like send it back and i'm like i can't send it there's nothing wrong with it it's just grim yeah like it's just grim for me you can tell it's not undercooked it's not like that this is the way you can tell it came out exactly as they wanted it to come out yeah yeah yeah this is exactly how they wanted it to be so if i send it back what am i supposed to do yeah because they because then like i don't like when people are like

I'll send it back and just order something else. Oh, I don't like that. That's your fault. If you don't like it, it's your fault. If there's something wrong with it, send it back and I'll send you a new one that doesn't have that thing wrong with it. Replacement as opposed to an exchange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My girl was telling me, oh, send it back and just order a steak instead. I was like, that's a piss take. That's a piss take. I get it. Because I understand. Yeah, I was like, I'll hold this L. It's my fault. I didn't want to order a design and for some crazy reason I ordered it.

I don't even order lasagna in England. I know what you mean. I've never ordered a lasagna. You were feeling flamboyant. You were feeling like the sun was hitting you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ordered lasagna at sunset on some poxy date in Ayia Napa. Flipping hell, bro. It was horrible. So yeah, and the man came out vexed. These foreign men don't like when you don't eat their food, G. Yeah, they don't. There's no etiquette for them. There's no etiquette for them. Chef came out and said, what's wrong with it? I said, I just don't like it. He's like, what's wrong with it? I said, fam, I don't... You just look...

I was 19. I remember my skinny little arms. I don't know. I said, I don't know. Don't leave me alone. That's hilarious. I said, it's fine. There's nothing wrong with it. I'm just not hungry. Girls, women, if you're on a date or having food with another woman or with a woman and as a man, you don't like the food, the woman is going off at the restaurant. 100%. Especially if you go toilet or something. It's their fault. It's a fam. They want the best for you. Doesn't matter how it happens.

they'll ruin your night getting the best service possible for you women love doing that we appreciate you doing that for us as well but it's like sometimes just leave it just leave it stop but we know you mean well yeah they want the best for you it's not on they treat weight and stuff like shit getting you what you deserve

We're here for a reason. Let them do it. So send it back and get a steak. That's a piss steak. It's not even in the same field of Maine. It's nothing the same. That's a lasagna or steak. Wow. Oh, bro. Right. Just to wrap. Yeah. I've got a final request. Pause. Need to piss again. You need your prostate checked is what you need to. Right. So final request. Yeah. Hey guys, I've got a situation.

I've just completed 18 months of celibacy. Wow. Bro. Is it a female, by the way? I was about to ask, is it a male or female? First year was very good and healing. I reconnected with my- I can imagine. Bro, I bet. I reconnected with my body and realized some negative patterns. The last six months, I've remembered what I'm missing. I bet you have. Fuck.

It's a female, you said? Female. Her clit must have been tingling at anything. She could see a man just walking down the street. Yeah, tight jeans were a no-go, G. Fuck. So after 18 months, would you wait for someone, stroke date for a bit? Mm-hmm.

Bit of commitment. Okay. Would you wait for someone, date, stroke, bit of commitment, or go straight in for the kill? I think I already know the answer, but I want another opinion. I don't want to ruin my progress, but also it's a human need. I hear that. I hear both. Worth noting, I have a free house coming up in the next few weeks, so there's lots of temptation. Bro. Bro. Knowing me. Right.

Let's say I have completed 18 months of celibacy. Yeah, yeah. The first few months or weeks as it is,

of the celibacy would be hell for me oh yeah hell i'm assuming she's not like masturbating or anything i don't know i'm gonna assume she's not i'm gonna assume she's not yeah because i feel like she wants to take the celibacy to a whole nother yeah the thing is as well to be fair if that's what you're doing then you should just wrap all of it all of it off you know there's no point in not fucking but fingering yourself yeah we're not fucking but wanking off yeah so i'm assuming she's not foreplaying herself whatsoever

So if she's reached the 18 month mark, that's a, like a year, a year, a month alone is too long for me. But if I've reached an 18 month mark, I'm thinking, okay, let me actually, because at this point I feel like I've changed as a human being because I've found myself. I'm a, I'm a, I'm in a different space mentally, physically, everything. Like we said, the guy that did the no fapting on, um,

our patreon episode he went for how long a few months it was i think i want to say he did like 100 days yeah something stupid like a few months yeah and he said he was a better person for it like physically mentally blah blah blah and i'm thinking if i've reached that stage of 18 months i already know i'm going to be a different person so i can only i can only assume i'd want to

keep it up and then maybe wait for the right person but the food had i am today answering this question today not having done the 18 months today oh i'm fucking this first opportunity i get yeah you know so it all depends on it all depends on the mindset because i know for a fact that if you ask me today uh i've got three yard all week next week or whatever let's run from let's run some things through and have fun

I'm going to have fun, you know, bro. If I've been on the celibacy thing, I don't know. I feel like if I've been on that celibacy thing and I was ready to go, I'd be like, you know, you know, in like movies and stuff where they, they like,

someone gets like captured and tortured and stuff and then the first bit they just can't handle it anymore to the point where they just snap yeah and they're just like laser focused and then they'll just kill someone with like their one hand and just bash them and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah and they can just like see bullets and shit yeah every life is different bro i feel like the first few months i'll be scratching my eyes out yeah and then after a while i'll just be laser focused yeah and then you see the world differently bro see the world differently and like i feel like

the time that I'm ready to smash someone, I need to inform police. I need to inform someone what's going down. She needs to sign some kind of contract. Yes. Yes. Some consent form. Because if I let the beast out, I don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, because it needs to be a ting that likes dick because she's about to get... She's going to get more than she ever asked for. Bro? Bro? She's going to be walking out, walking out with a fucking hand on her leg, bro. Yeah, I understand completely. Like, I'm trying to drag her around the aisle by her ankles. Yeah.

Like, it's going to be long for her. It's long for her. Step over and more. Bro, it's long for her. I know exactly what you mean. And then when you finish, it's just like, you can see blue again. You can see colour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything was black and white at one point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what I think. But I would definitely go in for the kill. Go in for the kill. Because I reckon, for me, I reckon it would be, when she said, oh, I'll look at the date or something like that. I think...

it would be such a distraction. Like the fact that I haven't banged anyone in 18 months. If I'm like looking to date someone, stuff like that, bro, if I'm seeing some soft skin or something, I'm thinking... All I want to do is smash. Bro, let's get these three dates out of the way. Let's go. That's all I can think about. So I'll go straight in for the kill. Just clear my head. And then I can start looking to date. You'd ruin her. I know for a fact I wouldn't lie. Because obviously we've not wanked nothing, right? 18 months. I...

I'd be so livid because I know I'd bust so quick, but also within that five minutes, 10 minutes region, I would absolutely destroy her. Yeah, it'd be a lifetime of banging. I would eat Pum like I've never eaten Pum before. Oh, bro, like I'm a starved refugee. Bro, I would want to eat her from the inside out. Yuck. But I know. You know what I'm saying though? I'd be in there for time before I stick it in. Bro. Because I've missed it.

I'll be yamming edamame beans out of the batty hole fam anything popping them in my mouth anything bro anything and everything 18 months bro that's the to be fair that's the perfect time if someone wanted to like experiment with me just like eat a batty finger with me whatever whatever fam after 18 months off do what you want to me after 18 months off you know do what you want to me bro because I wanna know

I don't care how it happens. I just want to know. I don't care how we get there, G. Obviously, because you know what it feels like when you know, and obviously you know what it feels like when I know, like my optimum climax. So let's say, because it's been 18 months and they do do the finger up the body for you, and the nut is wilder than you've ever imagined. Heroin. It's crack cocaine on steroids, on heroin. It's like, wow. Would you then, after that first experimentation for that 10 minutes or whatever-

Would you then be down to do that again? Or would you leave it? Because you've done it, you've tried it. You can say you've ticked it off the box. You're not going to try again. What would you do? Oh, nah fam. She'll walk in and my face will be on the bed. My ass will be six feet in the air. We're going again. Fam? Let's do that again. Arched. Six feet in the air. Like a yacht. Milk me. Milk me.

I can already It's so horrible But I can already imagine it You said you're You're six feet in She's sucking you up from the back Bro My face will be flat I'll be on my tippy toes Nah Stilettos on Everything fam Nah That is hilarious Oh Yeah 100% bro If it was spectacular like that Sexy spec Nah bro Oh Face plant the bed I know exactly what you mean Yap me

Well, I hope, I feel like we've, did we even answer the question? Go for it. Yep. Basically. Yeah. Go for it. Yeah. Go for it. Get it out of the system and then you can date someone. You need to. You need to. Yeah. If you go on that first date, my G. You're distracted. He's coming back to yard. You're banging him. Especially because you say you've got a free yard for a few weeks. Yo, all you're going to want to do is fuck. Nando's will spiral out of control. All you're going to want to do is fuck. Forget the meal.

Best of luck. Best of luck, man. Guys, thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning in. Make sure you like, subscribe, comment, all of that good stuff. The merch as well, flying off the shelf. Don't forget season three, summer merch. Check that in the DMs. Patreon. In the DMs. It's the first time I've never, ever said Patreon. Oh shit. Yeah. Patreon. Patreon.com forward slash Shits and Gigs. Jump in. Enjoy episode every Thursday. Catch you on the next one. Run us.

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