Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
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Crapopolis, and so many more. - That's right guys. If you're looking for your favorite animated shows, there's only one destination you need to remember. - Hulu Anim Mayhem, your animation destination now streaming on Hulu. - It would turn into a shanking match. - Yeah, yeah. A shanking match. - Bro, because she'll twist the tables on me. She's like, "Is this what you wanted?" - This was your idea. - This was your idea.
Right guys, we're back and you already know how we like to start the show. Mm-hmm. No flipping F about. We go straight into the nitty gritty. Pull those patties to the side and dive right in. I wasn't ready. Dive right in. Come on. Question of the week was, what's something you only do when you're home alone? Oh, interesting. Very interesting. The first one off the bat. Admit that I was wrong and overreacted.
Wow. I admit I was wrong and overreacted. By yourself. Fuck that. That's jokes. That's jokes. All right, bet. I cook and watch movies with my pretend boyfriend having full-blown conversations too. Hashtag delusional. That's concerning. Wow. I cook and watch movies with my pretend boyfriend. That's concerning. The cooking thing is spinning to me, babe. Pass me the salt. Just chill.
Babe, I need help. Babe, babe, babe. Oh my days. No, don't fill up on bread. What about the mains? Oh, that's jokes. Repeatedly look through cupboards and fridges expecting something different every time. 100% that's me. I think everyone, I think every human's done that. Bro. Every human's done that. Eat food from the pan in my boxes. That was me in uni. Uni facts. Yeah. Those sofa cushions. Exactly.
- Sofa cushion. - Yeah, they got burnt. That's why I have to rest my pot. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - I have to rest my pot though. - Yeah, tuna pasta, just there straight out of the pot. Like a fucking tramp. - Facts. I can't be asked to wash a plate and a pot. - Bro, there's no need. - There is no need. - It's just me here. - It's just me and a fork. That's all I've got. - I miss those days. I really do miss those days. - It was so easy. - Facts. - So easy, a lot less responsibility. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I was just calm. - I'm just doing what I want. - Facts.
and zero money to do it. Yeah. But all the free shit, I did whatever I wanted. Facts. I argue with Alexa in an accent foreign to mine. I can imagine that's like five minutes of entertainment before you get stupid. That's so pointless.
This one's disgusting. I eat, you're gonna hate this one. - Oh, go on. - I eat grated cheese straight out the bag. - That's not a thing. That's not a thing. That's disgusting. - I actually saw like three people write that. I was thinking. - Three people wrote, I eat grated cheese. - Yeah, that's a common, it's way too common. - Yeah, yeah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. - Like 100,000 people viewed this and replied to this. That's too common. Three people said, right, that is too common. Damn. - Eat grated cheese fresh out the bag.
- Why? - Yeah, fuck knows why. I hate grated cheese. Do you remember when I used to have a phobia of grated cheese? - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's disgusting. It's disgusting. - That's why you always, I'll never forget, you told me at uni, you always buy a block cheese. - Yeah, till day bro, I'm not buying no grated cheese. Someone grated that. - A machine grated it bro. - A great machine grated it, but now I know also they put agents on it to stop it sticking together, which means it doesn't melt either. It doesn't melt properly. So when you have, if you put grated cheese on something and put it in the oven, when it's,
Like it never melts or blends It's all this liney dirty shit It's not good I block cheese people Interesting Alright next Unbutton my pants when I want to eat Fair I get £30 worth of KFC And sit there and eat it in peace I can't stand it When she stares at me
What's it called? How many pieces? - 30 pounds worth. - 30 pounds worth? - Yeah. - Not like, I'm talking about fiscal. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Not like weight. - Like great British pounds? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - 30 pounds worth of KFC, just eat it. - That's a lot of KFC. - I can't stand when she sits there and stares at me. 'Cause I'm just a fat mess. - I'm a mess. I wanna eat it in peace. - That reminds me of like the whale. Do you remember when she used to bring him the bucket of KFC and he'd back it. He would back it. - He'd say, let me just have the skin. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let me smell the skin. - And he would start choking on it.
She was like, chew your food, bro. He couldn't help it. Chew your food. Man was inhaling the ting. He was massive. Yeah, he was massive. Wow, he was massive. Wow. He looked more like a seal than a whale. They should have definitely called it the seal. Like, especially when he stood up or tried to stand up. Now seals like they elongate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It looked like a seal. It's crazy.
All right, what's something you do? What's something you only do when you're home alone? Watch anime undisturbed. Because when she's around, it's always top boy. Fair. Solo anime is vibey, by the way. It's so just a binge. I binge, bro. I'm in my own space. I'm locked in when I'm watching anime. Hours and hours and hours of it. Facts. I watched the whole season of King of Asherah.
Easy, back to back. Mad. Back to back. Mad, say less. Say less. It must have been blissful. It was juicy. God. All right. Run up the stairs on all fours. I used to do that as a youth. Yeah, same. Fucking hell. Swinging in the air. On all fours, you know. This chick wrote, I look at my pussy in the mirror. Just inspecting, making sure everything's nice down there. Damn. Fucking hell.
Practice my reaction for when my imaginary boyfriend proposes to me. Okay, what's going on? That's disgusting.
Replay arguments that I know I should have won. High Sight is 2020. - That's me. - Yeah. - I do that. - That's me too. - That's me. I do that in the car. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 'Cause you can't, sometimes you just can't think in a heat of the moment. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the heat of the moment, the synapses are blocked. - Yeah, facts, facts, facts, facts, facts. It's so jarring. - Yeah, and then when I'm alone, I'm like, oh, why didn't I say that, bro? - Why didn't I say that? Disconnected with this, and that point doesn't even make sense. - Do you know why you're stupid? Do you actually know what you're done, bro? Let me tell you, sit down and let me tell you why you're actually thick.
That's me. It's so annoying. It's so annoying. All right. I've got a few more. What's something you only do when you're home alone? Cheat, obviously. Wowzers. Jokes. This chick wrote, practice butt cheek isolation for twerking and back shots.
She's doing homework. - No, yeah, that's, jeez. - Yeah, that's a case study. - After rated. - After rated. - After rated. - Cheek isolation. - The butt cheek isolation? - Yeah. - Yeah, damn. - That's a Megastallion thing. - Damn. - I pick my dog up and sing to her as if it was about my girl. Times are rough right now. - Jesus Christ. - That's peak. That's very peak. I eat all the snacks I hide from my children and husband. Fuck.
On my unknown number, I call my friends and tell them I'm their man's side chick. What? Do you? Multiple. I call my friends and tell them I'm their man's side chick. That's fucking nuts. You must be bored. Does she say how joking is me or she just keeps doing it?
- Fuck! I'm their man's side chick. - Bro, that's crazy. - Yeah, what a fucking bitch. - That's crazy. - What a bitch. - I'd masturbate like three times and later tell my husband I'm not in the mood.
- That's peak. - Yeah. - That's peak. - I'm not gonna lie, my younger years have done that. - That's peak. - There's been times where I'd have like a girlfriend that's coming over later, but I'm in the house bored. - Yeah, you need some. - And I fap like three times. - Yeah, I'm done for the day. - Yeah, and when she rolls through, I'm just like, obviously not. I'm red raw down there. How could you even think about sex at a time like this? Fuck, I'm done, bro.
She has no idea. - Yeah, she has no idea. I've been going to town all day. - Oh, I've been fapping. Yeah, not today, babe. Not today. All right, last one. Sweetened me. What's something you only do when you're home alone? I play "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis and fucking sing, bro. - Damn, fair play. - Damn. - Speaking of fucking singing, there is a song I am well and truly addicted. I've listened to this song 300 times a day for the last six days.
It's called Treasure in the Hills by Leon Thomas. You, man? Never heard it. Play this song on full volume. Obviously, I'm not going to play it now, but you're welcome. Treasure on the Hills. Treasure in the Hills? I think it's Treasure in the Hills. I'm going to add it to mine. Treasure in the Hills. Ooh!
Treasure in the hills. Okay. R&B type. Yeah. R&B indie type, John. Okay. Bro. Okay. It's juicy. Okay. It's juicy. Let me add it to Q. Yeah. I've been screaming at the top of my lungs. Say less. What do I do? Okay. When I'm in the house alone, fap like a man possessed. Fax. Who doesn't? I do the argumenting.
- Facts. - I win arguments by myself. - Facts. - I win arguments by myself. I practice dance moves. - Oh, I think that's my ADHD. I do that regardless. - If you're not alone or not? - No, alone or not, I do that regardless. Like I could be going from the sofa to the toilet. I'd stand up, walk a few steps and mini rock for no reason. - Yeah, fam, to be fair, the other day I went from the oven to the fridge
and I did, you know this one. - I can't do that to save my life, but I know exactly what you're talking about. - I've been practicing that bitch. - I can't do that to save my life. - The secret is you have to start slow. - Oh yeah, I've been seeing this. - You have to start really, really slow. - And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've been practicing that bitch. From fridge to oven, from oven to fridge. But I can't do, I can do right foot step back, left foot wiggle. I can't do the vice versa. I just can't do it. - Foot step back, left foot wiggle.
I'm not ambidextrous like that. I can't do the other side, bro. But the flooring means everything. Yeah, of course, of course. Wow. I tried to do it on some sticky floor the other day. I need to twist my ankle. That's crazy. But yeah, that's why I practice dance moves. And I crump a lot. When I'm by myself, I crump a lot. And then... Do you remember tartan?
- Jesus, yeah, yeah. - That was mad. I had a routine down when I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, fingers, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That was the one, yeah! - You have to breathe it back in. - That's hilarious. - That was embarrassing. - Yeah, I had that down, bro. I had like an 11 second routine. - Yeah, I remember. - Yeah, I was trying to impress everyone. - You were doing it.
- I was at Northern Crosses on my shit. - Oh, I remember bro. - Wow, wow, gas. That's so pathetic. Yeah, boy. - It's like cramping, wow. - Yeah. - If the right song comes on, it's long. Just all you need is one foot stump and it sends shock waves through your whole body. It just sends shock waves and you can't stop bro. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Through your whole body, it's jokes. - Sometimes I love being alone.
Sometimes I love being alone. - You just do wild shit. Dumb shit. - Stupid shit. I remember back in uni, I used to just relax my hair 'cause it was Sunday. Do you remember? I used to just relax the fuck out of my hair. - I actually don't remember. - 'Cause you made my shit wavy. - I actually don't remember. - You don't remember? - Nah. - I used to relax the fuck out of my hair. - Oh, I swear. - Yeah, I used to make my bitch wavy as fuck. - Fair, makes sense. - It was nuts. - Fair, fair, fair, fair. - Anyway, one time I got so bored, I relaxed it and tried to do a little comb over ting. - No, you never. - Yeah, I got, I don't understand.
- No, you never. Uni? - Yeah, I had a part in here and combed like this side, this side, and then this side down there. Yeah, I look like, I look like Malcolm X. - The funny thing is, because I know you didn't have a beard in uni, I can see it. - Bro, baby face, comb over to uni. - Malcolm X! You don't understand how funny that is, bro. That visual. What do you mean, our circular glasses, that it's a wrap?
- That's too funny. - Yeah bro, I don't fucking mug of it. Yeah, Jesus, I was bored. Yeah, fuck, that's so funny. - What do I do when I'm home alone? I, apart from the usual like fapping or whatever, I just bored out my mind.
I lay on the sofa and like when I'm eating snacks, I'm at my worst. - Really? - Yeah, I'm like a pig. Eating on the sofa alone. 'Cause obviously I've got a beard. Popcorn, skittles, them things falls into my beard. - I can see that. - No one can see that. When it falls on your chest,
And it just rolls down your stomach. You're like, oh yeah, I'm an animal. I'm an actual animal. I've had sessions, snack sessions, where I've just been going, going, going, going. Bro, daddy will stand up and just smush it on my ass. There's like melted chocolate and crumbs and smushed jelly beans under my ass. And I'm like, what happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did we get here? What happened? It rolled all down me and I just wiggled it.
I'm sick. Oh, it is embarrassing. Yeah. It's why no one can see this. It's embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hella disgusting. In the comments below, guys, let us know what you guys do at home when you're alone. Yeah, what we're doing at home alone. Facts. But anyway, guys, welcome back. Thank you for joining us today. Facts. If you know what's good for you, head on over to patreon.com forward slash shits and gigs and catch up on three...
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and it's a good deed for the day. Thanks. So please do and do that. And our beloved Remski is not in the building today. He's gallivanting on holiday. So there will be no top five today. Unfortunately, guys, sorry. Someone DM me the other day and they were like, James, I love you, man. But when are you going to tell Rem he's got a fan club of Tings?
- What? - And I was like, why is this responsibility falling on me? - Fat, what? - Rem reads plenty of comments from damn self. Why do I need to stop Rem in his tracks and tell him? Tell him you're fat, why are you DMing me? - I hate when I get DMs and like, oh, tell James this, this, this. Like, what are we talking about here? What are we actually talking about here? - Bro, the amount of DMs I get to say, tell Fiat to stop ignoring me.
Tell him to stop ignoring me. I know he's with you. Them ones are the worst. I know he's with you. Tell him to stop fucking ignoring me. - I know he's with you. - Oh, you lot have audacity and I don't even know the word, gall at the same time. - Bro. - It's crazy. - Audacity and gall is exactly right.
Oh, God. Couldn't believe it. I know he's next to you. Yeah, bro. I know he's there. Tell him to stop fucking ignoring me. I don't know you. Bro. Yeah. It's crazy. Anyway. It is crazy. Right. I'm going to kick us off with a thread. All right, hit me. If you don't mind. I never. And believe it or not, this thread was sent in to me by our lovely manager.
- Well, let's go. - Yeah, man. - Let's go. - Title three is called Boy Math. - I knew it was gonna be that. - You got it. - I've got something similar. - Yeah, Boy Math might have to be a running theme. - Yeah. - It made me laugh. Right, this is so factual, bro. Boy Math is wanting zero kids, but having zero condoms on hand, 100%. - That's so factual. - Yeah. - It's unbelievable. - That's why pull out game exists. - Facts. - And sometimes it doesn't exist. - It's a fact. - And I still don't want the ute. I still don't want that ute.
- Oh God, that's facts. - Boy math is how five foot 10 measures six foot. - Yeah, that's boy math to be fair. - Yeah. But you haven't got choice though. - Yeah, yeah, we haven't. - That's involuntary boy math. You leave us no choice. I've never once said I was six foot. I wouldn't dare. Because I'm not, daddy's too broad. Do you know what I mean? I'm too broad and too thick.
And I don't look six foot. Even if I was six foot, people would challenge me. So I would never in a million years- - So disrespectful as well. So disrespectful as well. You are so disrespectful. - How many people, when we post the pictures together say, "There's no way James is taller than Fiat." Every single time they see it, they're like, "This is lens magic." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They're like, "He's a bottom boy." - Yeah, he's a liar and a bottom boy. - He's a liar and he's a bottom boy. Get off your toes.
- Right. - I could never ever see a picture and find you on your tippy toes. I don't think you understand what that would do to my nature. I'd be so shell shocked. - All I'm gonna say is don't be.
If you see a picture of me on my tippy toes, don't be shell shocked. Because sometimes I don't, like, I haven't got a choice. I've never, I don't think I've actually done it in a picture. I guarantee you I've never done it in a picture. But I have definitely stood on my tiptoes in front of a baddie in heels who's taller or at least eye level. Yeah.
I've leave her like lent on a bar or something. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I don't know what my next steps are. - Yeah. - 'Cause if she wants to vacate the area, I don't know what to do. - Yeah, it's a hilting. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Your price is- - It's disgusting. - Hit me. - Boy Math is thinking the answer to did you come is yes. I need a running tally of how many times I've been lied to because in my head is zero. Do you know what I mean?
In my reality is zero. - Yeah, and you can't face the real reality. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Especially in the moment. - Because I'm recollecting, there's been times where, because the girls I've been with in the past have actually been like fairly open. Like I know you didn't know, so let's not play games. - Well, to be fair, if I knew,
I know you did a nut so we never have to have a conversation. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, there was no moment in there where we could be confused about whether you nutted or not. - Yeah, facts, facts. - There's never that. - Facts. - But there has been definite occasions in my life, not many, couple, where we're specifically aiming for said nut
And I'm like, we've been going and she's locked in, locked in. And we're going, going, going, going, going. And she's in the general area. She's in a penny box and she's trying to cook. And I'm like, I'm six strokes out. It's now or never. And then-
She nuts. And I'm a bit like, did you though? Yeah. I'm not so sure. It was all a bit too convenient because I had no choice. Yeah. Yeah. And you might picked up on it and for charging it. Yeah.
Charging it. We're faking it today. Yeah, fuck. I can think of like two occasions where I thought, hmm, suspicious. Hmm, fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to say it's happened to me, but for the life of me, I can't recall of a recent incidence or one that like sticks out. But for sure, I...
It's not something I even want to get my brain to dive into, but I know bitches have faked it before. You just know. You know what? You just know. Yeah. You know? But ignorance is bliss. Facts. That's why I don't want my brain to even digest such information. I don't need my brain to digest that information, but I know bitches have faked it before. Yeah. It just is what it is. So I've never faked it. I faked it. I can't. I just don't see how you can fake it. I just stop. I just say I can't come. I can't fake not. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to do that. So I just, I faked it like two, three times.
Where I'm just like- - What, inside or are you pulling out? - Inside. - Okay, I was gonna say if you're pulling out, how are you- - No, I've pulled out before as well, actually. - And then how are you faking it? - I just, not into my hand, apparently. - Jokes. And if you're inside, surely she can feel that you've not knotted. - It's not up to me. - Fair. - 'Cause it's a power play. 'Cause it's like, are you gonna confront me? I didn't think so.
Are you gonna confront me about this? 'Cause now you're embarrassing both of us. - Damn. - So it's either I tell the truth and you're the only one embarrassed or let me lie and if you stay silent, no one's embarrassed or if you confront me, we're both embarrassed. So let's just leave it. But yeah, I faked it like, what? Probably more than two, three times. - I don't think I've ever faked it. - Where like, yeah, I just couldn't come and then my mind was like, bro, this ain't happening. And then I'm thinking,
My now, because I've acknowledged that it's not happening, I'm losing wood at a drastic rate. Yeah. So I need to, I need to rein it in now. I need to pull the plug on this because in my head, it's a better option to fake it than it is for me. Because I'm not now flipping the narrative that I can't keep a hard dick. That's not the narrative we're going with. Okay. Okay. Okay. So it's like, I either pretend to nut and hope for the best, or I tell her I can't nut, break her heart,
insecurity level goes through the roof or I just let my shit go soft and she thinks daddy can't keep a hard dick. And that's the option we're definitely not going for. So I always end up pretending. - Okay, fair enough. Makes sense. - Yeah. - Makes sense. - But yeah, you're a savage. I'm not surprised you just say, I can't not. - Yeah, you're a real one to be fair. Boy Math is putting on a jersey with another grown man's name on it every Sunday while mocking the beehive.
- Fair. - Fair. - Wow. - Wow. - Fair. - Wow, unlocked, fair. - Fair. - Wow. - I remember when I was young, like 11, my background was Tupac on my phone. My screensaver on my phone was Tupac. - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. - And my uncle, I was at my uncle's house. - I'm already sweet, I don't know why. - Fam? - Tupac sent me. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Tupac. There was a marijuana leaf behind him. - Some of the choices of words you use, bro.
Bro, it was two pack, marijuana leaf behind him. And I obviously just said like thug life under it or something like that. I was gassed. I thought I was road. I was at my uncle's house in France.
And he saw it and he said, and obviously Tupac stays topless. He said, "Why have you got a grown man's breasts on your phone?" I was like, "That's Tupac, man. Come on, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not killing but I'm pushing." You know what it is, man. He said, "That's a naked man on your phone." I said, "Yo, yo, yo, no, no, no, no. It's not like that." Uncle, uncle, uncle stops us off. He said, "Brother,
- That's a naked man on your phone. What are you doing? I was like, it's just two bikers. I don't care who it is. Get this man's breasts off your phone. - Oh, wow. - I found. - He's all like an adult. - Yeah, yeah. - I said, wow. Wow. He's spitting facts. - Facts. - I said, there's a naked man on your phone. - Your world changed. Your world changed. - All of a sudden the weed didn't make a difference.
The marijuana leaf is the funniest bar and I don't know why. Oh, bro. Fuck, it's so funny. Boy Math is them wanting a prenup and they only make 45k. Damn. That's tough. Soz. Boy Math is opening up your marriage so you can fuck around then get mad because your wife is getting slammed while you severely overestimate your market value. That's every man that's ever lived.
The only dons that are successfully doing up open relationship are like just celebrities. Oh, facts. Facts. Like top tier one celebrities. Yeah. NFL player. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, what we playing at? Facts. Facts. Your wife's getting ran through. The thought of that? Yeah. Bro, I'm telling you. Rocks me to my core. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, there is nothing I...
Could do Like to Like to To mitigate The fucking pain That would send me through I just couldn't Obviously I spoke it Spoke about it Bare times before Um
What's his name? Aubrey Marcus. I think it's Aubrey Marcus. Head of Onnit Supplements or whatever. Okay. Onnit Nutrition. I can't remember what they're called. Okay. Yeah, he tells a story on a podcast about how he was in an open relationship. And the first time his wife stepped out to get clapped or his girlfriend or whatever, he said he spent the whole night crying and throwing up. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think I remember the story. I can't remember his name. Crying and throwing up. I don't think you understand what I'm saying. Crying is a big man, you know? Fuck.
crying and throwing up while his girl was out getting completely smacked to pieces. Fuck. Are you even deep in what I'm saying? Fuck. I can't. I can't live through that. Yeah, man them things so selfishly when they free up open relationship bars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's just not a reality where it works for me. Yeah. Yeah, facts. I can't know this information. I can never know this information.
Crying and throwing up. - Crying and throwing up. - I'd have to change the locks. She can't come back to me. - Yeah, you can't come back. 'Cause I can't see you rosy-cheeked. - Happy. - Disheveled. - Rosy-cheeked. - Facts. Harold Merckx a little bit, yeah. - I'll fight you. - Different scent or fresh fragrance 'cause she's been Merckx. She's had a shower. - Oh, God. - She's clean. She's freshened up. - Yeah, you also can't come in and come straight in the shower. Shower at his.
- Actually don't because if he's got different shower gel, I'm just gonna fuck with the whole, just don't, yeah, don't come back. Honestly, don't come back. Don't ever, ever come back. - Yeah, that will rock me to my core. - And you're gonna come in and kiss me and say you love me. You don't. - You don't love me. - Yeah, yeah. - You love the dick you just got. - Facts. Loved that. - Yeah, yeah. - Didn't you? You loved that. - It would turn into a shanking match. - Yeah, yeah. A shanking match. - Bro.
- Bro, because she'll twist the tables on me. She's like, "Is this what you wanted?" - This was your idea, Big Mac! - This was your idea! - And I haven't fucked at all! I know whose idea it was! - Yeah, it's facts. My DM has been quiet since I've said this out loud. Since God says yes. Since he said yes, nothing's been fruitful. Nothing's been fruitful! I don't want you out in the streets anymore. Close the whole relationship.
- Nothing's been fruitful for me. - It's impossible. - Oh God. - I'll stab myself. - Bro, it will turn into a shanking war. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. She'll come home to find me doing the wildest shit.
- Bro. - Just repainting walls. - Bro, 'cause I need to get my mind off stuff. - I'm redecorating because love doesn't live here. - Facts, I need something new to look at. - Oh God, right. - Jesus Christ. - Boy Math is having a 70 inch TV, but no dining table. I'm not even joking. My yard came with a dining table. If it didn't, I promise you I'm not buying one. And I'll buy the biggest TV I can find. - Bro, facts, mine, every yard I've moved into has come with a dining table and my TV's massive.
That's hilarious. That is hilarious. Wow. Boy Math is raising three pit bulls instead of one child. Facts. Facts. Boy Math is being afraid of gold diggers when you don't have a headboard. Listen to me.
Listen to me, bro. In our third yard in uni, I didn't have a headboard. And that bitch was on wheels. Every time, bro, every time I had a ting over and would want to watch a movie, I would prop the pillow up against this fucking plastered wall. Oh, yeah. I'd lean and the tall ting would slide down. Oh.
- Oh no. - I've never felt so broke. - Oh no, that's embarrassing. - Bro. - That is embarrassing. - I've never felt so broke. - I'm sorry G. - The ting would slide every time. - I'm sorry G. - And my pillow would fall behind the bed. So I'd have to, oh bro, the whole ting was long. I fucking hated it. - That is absolutely buzz, sorry G. - Oh God. Right, that's me.
All right. Boy Math is having like four baby mamas, but only caring for the child whose mama you with. But only caring for the child whose mama you with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, yeah. Makes sense. It does make sense after a while. Yeah. Boy Math, man who struggles to please one girlfriend, but wants a threesome. Ooh. Okay. Okay. Hmm.
Boy Math is getting your heart broken once in grade school, then seeking revenge on every girl you date afterwards. Damn. Okay. Okay. All right, bet. Yeah, Boy Math is interesting. I'm trying to get a Girl Math one going. Yeah, there's a bit of both in here, but I'm going to save that for next week. All right, bet, bet, bet, bet. That's juicy. I'm here for it. This is the new thing. This could be the new thing. Boy Math, Girl Math. Boy Math, Girl Math. Say less. All right, bet. Say less. Cool. So I'm here to talk about the highly requested...
Married at first sight. Oh, yeah. UK version. Let me set up for this bitch. People, yeah, people been reaching out telling me to watch this ting. And I've got stuff to say. So I stayed up late last night. I'm super tired today because I stayed up late last night.
watching this foolishness. Yeah. I've not even got through all the weddings yet. So obviously, we all know the premise. Two people getting married. They've never met before. And they just want to see how it patterns. Right. So...
The running theme this season, bro, is insecurity. Okay. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm hearing. The running theme this year is insecurity so far. So I'm on like episode three or four. Okay. And the running theme is insecurity, bro. Okay. No one knows who fancies who. Oh, okay. No one knows, bro. I'm looking at the cast now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one knows who fancies who. So I'm going to focus on three couples today. One. So there's a chick on here called Jay. Jay has one arm.
Fam, it's important to the story. Jay has one arm. I'm looking at her right now. And she was shook that Donnie was not going to check for her because of his arm. She was terrified. And fair play to her, bro. Fair fucking play to her. She was stressed. This is a paid advertisement for BetterHelp. Bro. Talk to me. Real quick, ask me what my self-care non-negotiables are. What? Grounding. Grounding.
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Betterhelp.com/gigspod today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com/gigspod. - Tiff about the fear of rejection 'cause of this arm. Bro, even her like sister and her brother, she was back in her dressing room trying to like rationalize the thing. I'll be like, "Oh, well maybe he won't notice." The sister jumped in and said, "Jay's gonna notice."
He's going to fucking notice. 100%. Get out of your head now. Yeah, yeah. So that's what you're hoping for? Yeah. Get out of your head now. It's the first thing he's going to notice. Bro, it's the first thing he's going to see. Yeah. So just leave that. I know you want to get comfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But drop that illusion. Yeah. Let's think better tactics than that. So anyway, she pulled up. Her man's called Luke. He's cool. Sales guy. Essex guy. Bear Essex. He's down for her. Okay. Down for her. Love that. And he kept...
like insisting how banging she is to him. - Okay, reassuring her. - Reassuring, reassuring. At first, she just wasn't having it. She literally wasn't having it. And then every time he'd be like, "Oh, she's banging, she's banging. She's exactly what I asked for. She's banging, she's banging." And then everyone would be like, "Oh, what about the arm though?" He's like, "I don't give a fuck about no arm. She's banging, she's banging." - Well, other couples is like, "Why I going for the arm?" - Not couples, no.
- I was gonna say. - Like her sister and her family and people and like around like, doesn't it bother you? Doesn't it bother you? And even her like, doesn't it bother you? He's like, I don't give a shit. He's like, I'm not gonna lie. When you bop down the ting, I said, oh. I was shocked. And he said, who wouldn't be? - Yeah, yeah, facts. The first time I've seen you. - You can't anticipate that. But it doesn't, I don't care. So they went on the honeymoon.
And after all of this, because before they clapped, they went on like a little cocktail thing. When I say this brother was flirting, flirting, bro. Was she on it? She seemed like she just didn't believe him. That's my idea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She just seemed like it. And then like, you could tell she was feeling like, he's just begging it now. He's begging it. But when I say Donnie was flirting, and I can see why, because you forget that they know they're in front of cameras. Mm.
Because we can't see the cameras. We just think, oh, that's Raul. But they're in front of the cameras. So you could tell she might be thinking like he's literally playing up for the cameras. And then fam, as soon as they went back to the room, my Donnie clapped. Clapped. The next morning, she was like, oh, he fancies me. Oh, say less. Oh, he fancies me. Say less. I'm gassed. Say less. Gang, gang, gang. Yeah, it was gang. It was gang. Gang, gang, gang.
Next level of insecurity. Thomas is insecure. So now we're flipping on the guy. Thomas is insecure, bro. So he married Rosalyn. He's a posh you. Okay. Very posh you. So they got married and he's adamant. No one fancies him, let alone like his wife. No one fancies him. So,
He was saying about how his ex bullied the fuck out of him. Oh. Like she would like, he'd be driving and she'd take a picture of like a side profile and she'd be like, big man, you need a nose job. Come on. The love of my life. And he was going on about like, oh bro, like she would tell me I'm too ugly. I'm too skinny. I'm too hairy. I'm too this. And then he just doesn't trust chicks anymore. Fuck bro. He just doesn't trust them. Yeah. So he gets married to her.
Obviously it's awkward It's always awkward And then On their honeymoon She's like I'm not trying to Push you But like I need something And he's like Let's just try cuddles And I said Let's not force it
He said, let's calm down. Let's not force it. - Cuddle. - Fam? She's like, big man, it can be a friendly cuddle if you want. Just a cuddle. I need some. - Skin, yeah, I need skin. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Tactile. - And he's like, I said, Rosaline, I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not just out here cuddling strangers. She says, strangers? I'm your wife.
I hate that they use that bar. I'm your wife. We just got married. Facts. Four hours ago. Facts, bro. I'm out here cuddling strangers. And then she kept pushing it, kept pushing it, kept pushing it. And then she was like, big man, I'm not lying to you anymore. I need something. A cuddle, bro. Let's just try a cuddle. And he was like, I'm not going to lie. You're just not giving me the impression that you fancy me. And she was like, what?
And he was like, I have mad insecurity about this kind of stuff. And I just don't deem myself fanciful. So unless you're giving me
an example that you fancy me, I'm just not gonna think that you fancy me. And she said, big man, out of two of us, who's moving to who? I've been begging you for a little bit of contact for three days now. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And you have the audacity to tell me that you don't think I fancy you. - Yeah, that I'm gonna need a better son. - Yeah, I'm begging you for anything. - Yeah. - And then like your answer to that is like, you don't think I fancy you, are you cracked?
And he said, fam, he said, raw, boy math, raw. He said, raw, facts. Fam, he said, it's actually facts, you have been making me. He said, you know what? Wow, you actually have been making me. I didn't deep it. I just think you didn't fancy me. She said, wow, this guy's an idiot. He's a child. Child is the word. That's exactly what I thought. I've married a child. I've married a child, yeah. Yeah, yeah. He doesn't get it. He said, raw, raw, raw. All right, cuddles are on.
Cuddles are up. Yeah. Cool. So that's that one. Cool. Who's giving me the insecurities next? Oh, my God. Okay. This is an interesting one, right? So next, we've got Nathaniel and Ella. I was waiting for you to say Ella. I saw murmurs. Ouch. I saw murmurs. It's the first time I've seen a picture. Yeah. I saw murmurs. Right. So Nathaniel and Ella. Mm-hmm.
Interesting case Do you know what's interesting It's actually interesting So I'm not up to date Okay So I didn't deet this Just slight pausing From the From the From the content for a while Let's get personal This whole like Situation that we're in now Where the show is growing And all this kind of stuff And people specifically look out For our commentary on certain things Okay Is scary Okay Because Things are happening now Where like
Clips are taken Where like We're talking about something Or someone And then it gets Back to them Like Someone told me that Like
Central C had seen the video about me talking about I got shamed by Central C in the, in Bista Village or whatever it was. And then like other people are like, oh, this person's seen this. And I might say something. We spoke about the Gymshark event and then like someone's clipping it and send it to the Brer and all this kind of stuff. And it's going around, it's doing the rounds and all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, raw, like you say stuff and people actually, it gets back to the person you're talking about. The funny thing about this one is I only watched it last night. And as I'm watching it,
i'm looking at the the cast and the couples and all the stuff and i'm thinking this nathaniel looks familiar he's in our dms right now oh really he's been in our dms for a day or two okay and i haven't opened it yeah and there's like i went on i was like
I swear to God. Went in the DMs and he's in our DMs and he's posted like an article from the mirror or something like that. And I didn't want any spoilers. So I just assumed it was about the show. I didn't open it. So I was like, let me catch up and then I'll open this thing because I'll be livid if I open it and there's a spoiler that I haven't seen yet. But I was thinking, raw. Like Donnie's preempting that we're going to talk about it.
I haven't even seen it. - Yeah, yeah, wow. - And Donnie's in the DM preempting. - Oh wow. - That we're gonna talk about his stuff. - Wow. - And I was like, damn. - That's a lot. That's a lot. - I felt pressure. - Yeah, that's a lot. - I felt pressure. - I can imagine. - I felt pressure. - I can imagine. - I was like, bro, okay. I can't just say whatever I want now. - That's a lot. - Daddy's gotta get that tongue. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Pause.
Fours indeed. Right. That's a lot. Anyway. Yeah, interesting stuff. Nathaniel and Ella. So Nathaniel, mixed race geezer from Birmingham. He sounds like he's from Birmingham. No, he's from Mani. He's from Mani? According to this. He does not sound like he's from Mani. According to this, he's from Mani. That's surprising to me. He sounds Brom-y as fuck. Anyway, Nathaniel and Ella. Yeah. So I'm not going to lie. Yeah.
I feel like Nathaniel's cooking up a bit of drama on purpose. Okay. It's interesting. Okay. Let me give you the backstory. So from what I've seen so far, I don't know what article he's posted to me. Okay. I don't know what's going on. Okay. And I've heard the spoilers on TikTok and I've been staying away from it. I'll catch up tonight. But anyway, from what I've seen so far, wedding banging. So Ella's trans. Mm-hmm.
And when I say, fam, you would not guess. She said that there's, she's like, it's actually dread. Her story was actually dread. She was saying that like how,
how she was like one of the highest percentage people swiped on Tinder. I swiped right on Tinder. Right's the right one, right? - Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right is right. - Right is right. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, right is all right. Left is wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Left you get left, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right, yeah. - Come on. - All right, come on. So she was like high percentage of people that swipe right, swipe right, swipe right, swipe right. And she was saying that she was linking guys all the time. And then like someone finds out she's trans and be like,
Charging it, not on it. Others would find out she's trans and be like, I'm down, but- Shut the fuck up. Yeah. That's exactly the bar. Yeah. I'm down, but this stays between us. Yeah. So she was like, this is long. My whole life is long. Yeah. So when they sat down for the ting-
Sorry, when they got married, he was all over her. Gassed, this, that, you're paying, this, this, this, this, and this. Now, I feel like both of them are playing a secret little game. Okay. Because they said on there already, the producers or the commentator or whatever, the narrator was like, Nathaniel has been informed. He doesn't know anything else about his wife. Mm-hmm.
But he's been informed that she's trans. Prior to the marriage? Prior to the marriage. He doesn't know anything else about her, but he has been informed that she's trans. And he was down because he's pansexual. So basically he said, I like boys. I like girls. I like anyone who makes me feel...
Like I'm attracted to you. Okay. So like looks calm. Okay. Being pretty, handsome, whatever, calm. Okay. It's all about how you make me feel. Okay. So interesting matchup. Yeah. Very interesting matchup. Okay. So he'd already been told that she was trans. So when she met him on the day and there was a couple other examples where she was doing too much. So on the bachelorette party on the Hindu, whatever, um,
Someone mentioned family and she was like, oh my God, don't get me started on family. And talk about how much her mom and dad love her and her nan and all these kind of things. But when I say she wasn't crying, but she had the tissue and she was making, I didn't see a tear, bro. She was like,
Making up a big, big drama. I didn't see a tear. And I was like, hmm, interesting. Hmm, interesting. So fast forward wedding day. He's all over her. Their lips in gang, gang, gang. I'm not going to say, I'm going to lie. She said a bar. She said a bar. She said a bar. I was like, oh,
- When they do the vows, all the ministers have been like, "Oh, you can now like kiss your husband, kiss your bride, or just give him a peck on the cheek, 'cause obviously you don't know each other." Everyone else was like, all the other couples were like, "Peck on the cheek, or do you want a lips, or just peck on the cheek?" And a lot of them were like, "Yeah, peck on the cheek," or like, "No, give me a little kiss." Fam, they said, "Kiss or peck on the cheek?" And the family was like, "It's up to you." She said, "What do you think?"
Fam? She said, what do you think? Lips. They lips. I said, raw. They're banging tonight. They're banging tonight. Anyway. So fast forward to the honeymoon.
No, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. So they're there and she said, I'm enjoying myself, but I have to sit him down and tell him the truth. She sits him down again, starts crying. And she's like, I have to tell you. Tears or no tears? A little bit of tears. Okay. A little bit of tears. She starts crying, getting flustered. He's like, what's going on? He looks concerned. And she's like, oh God, I have to get it out. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm. And he's like, she's like, I'm trans. And he was like,
- I know. - He didn't say I know, but I think I was waiting for him to be like, yeah, I know. But he might've thought like, oh, maybe the producers want me to play. Like I didn't know. We already knew that he knew. She was like, I'm trans. And he was like, it's calm. She was like, really? And he's like, yeah, it's calm. And then I was thinking, what is this? What's this fake drama? - Was it shown?
Like, was it shown to you prior that he knew that she was trans prior to the marriage? Was it shown to the public? That's what I'm saying. The narrator said it. He brought both their pictures up and was like, Nathaniel, under Ella's consent, Nathaniel's been told that she's trans. So we know that he knows and we know that she knows that he knows. So what, Guan? That's what I'm saying. I was like, what's this play play stuff? Okay, makes sense. So I was like, interesting. Let's dive in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They got their honeymoon to Mexico. I assumed they were banging the whole time. Oh, that's why. After that wedding day lips, she was like, bro, he hasn't touched me since we got here. All this wedding vibes has gone down and I need to know...
So she brought him to the side and was like, brother, do you fancy me or not? And he was like, look, I told you. It's all about how people make me feel. Yada, yada, yada. Like, I want to be your friend first before I get sexually involved in all that stuff. She was like, but I'm asking you, do you think I'm peng or not? And he was like, peng is peng is peng. I don't even know if I like you as a person. And that's what matters to me. Like, before I bang you, I have to like you as a human being. Okay.
And she was like, well, why are you not thinking you like me as a human being? And he said, fam, I'm not going to lie to you. Every time we're by ourselves, you're quiet, you're confiding, you're doing all this stuff. As soon as these ones are in here, you're shouting, you're dramatic, you're crying, you're this. And he's like, I'm not here for it.
She's two different people. She said, swear, I'm two different people. Big man, you're a showman. He said, what?
Yeah, she said, you're a fucking showman. And he was like, you're tapped. He was like, family was like, don't you dare. Don't you dare. She's like, you're a showman, brother. I'm calling it how it is. Did she give reasons or was she just saying stuff? She said, if you think I'm playing for the cameras, you're completely different. He was like, I've given you everything. I've given you everything and I don't you dare. She's like, I'm calling it how I see it. He said, fuck this. You're twisting shit for these men again. You're a liar. Walked into the room. She said, you're a fucking prick.
He screamed from the bedroom. Don't you dare. Don't you dare, Masa. Don't belittle yourself like that. Oh, rah. I said rah. The whole thing was rah. Rah. So there's a little bit of drama going on between them two. Okay. And I don't understand. And also, she tried to pull him to the side the next day and was like, look, I'm sorry I called you a prick. I'm sorry I'm all this. And he kind of
exasperated the situation from jump. Like say he's still livid, which some people are. But again, I was thinking, hmm.
How real is this? So we're going to put a pin in Nathaniela. Okay. And we stood her up for the final dinner. Oh, he stood the fuck up. Oh, rah. Yeah. It was mad. Oh, rah. Okay. Yeah. She was there chilling by herself. Cleavage. Ah, she was wearing one of them long shirts. Nothing else. It was crazy. Just left her there. Damn.
So yeah, I'm intrigued. - I was expecting more from them considering you told me from the jump. 'Cause I already knew she was trans before you said that. 'Cause that was one of the things I was like, "Oh shit, this is what I've heard about."
But when you told me he was pansexual, I was thinking, ooh, this could bang. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this was a complete 180. Oh, you thought they were trying to trick me? Yeah, no, I'm saying this whole story that you just said is a complete 180 to what I thought was going to be like. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. When you said I heard murmurs, you thought they were just going to trick an unsuspecting breath? Yeah, fam, because obviously I only saw that apparently in this new cast that there's going to be a trans woman. Oh, okay. And that's all I heard. Oh, that's all you heard. I was thinking, wrong.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause how are they gonna like pattern this? 'Cause it's called Married at First Sight. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do you know what I mean? How are they gonna pattern it? So yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's mad. Next couple, 'cause I still haven't done all the weddings yet. - Yeah. - Okay, cool. So next one, I'm a quick one. Arthur and Laura. Arthur's Polish. Laura came in and said, "I want a Chelsea boy. I want posh, money." And that's what I'm here for. Arthur is a tennis coach.
Origin from Poland. Good English, but like not a Chelsea boy. Okay. Got his vows from the internet. Okay. She was livid. Okay. She was livid. But then again, what do you write? Facts. He was like, I don't know what to write. I don't know you. Yeah, facts. At the end of the thing, he read out to his boys like, these are the vows. And at the end, it said like, you're my everything. I love you.
His brother said, get that out there now. Yeah, get out there. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Do you not think that's right? Like, I believe in love at first sight. He was like, well, how about this? If you look at her and you love her at first sight, then say, I love you. If you don't, don't say, I love you. Let's just leave that bit out. He was like, all right, say less, say less, say less. He's reading it, reading it, reading it. He got to the end. He looked at her. He looked at his brother. I said, I love you. He said,
He looked at her, looked at his brother and was like, I love you. His brother was like, oh, brother. When he said, I love you, she said, oh, she said, what? Anyway, so they've been going, going, going. She found out about the internet thing. Okay. So her bridesmaids tattletaled on him. Okay. They said, I've just heard he got this thing from the internet. Okay. She said, say less. She's, this is how you know women are secretly evil. She waited all the way to their honeymoon.
- To bring it up. - To bring it up. They were having a bath together. And then she did the whole long window. She didn't come out and be like, look, this is what I heard. Is it true or not? She did the whole like, it's just funny that your vows, they just seem so heartfelt. Were they heartfelt? And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, hmm. It's just really weird because it like,
One would just like, one could potentially say that you got them from the internet. The internet? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - When I say he reached for champagne. - He couldn't be bothered. - Man, he's just there like. - Man said, yeah, he charged. He said, yeah, I did stuff. And then they had a little, she was like, big man, I'm not on that. I'm not on that. And you're a liar. She exasperated the thing. So anyway.
She wasn't feeling him, wasn't feeling him, wasn't feeling him. She's like, this guy's not for me, bro. He's not what I asked for. He doesn't look like what I want. Doesn't act like what I want. And he's doing things like getting stuff on the internet. It's all crazy. I'm not on it. They had a tennis court on their thing. So he said, we're going to go play some tennis today. When she saw him play tennis, fam, she bit her lip. Yeah, she likes the sports. Fam, she said, fuck. Watching a man do what he's good at? Sexy. Bet. Sexy.
Sexy. Tables have turned. Let's go. And she's got one of them kind of like...
I can't explain it, but she's kind of sexy. She's kind of bad. I'm not going to lie. She's kind of bad. Okay, say less. And then, yeah, they got back that night. He gave her a massage. Stayed exclusively on the cheeks. It was juicy. So now he's won her over. Oh, and at the last dinner, he said, I know you were really pissed off. I'm trying my best to be like an authentic person. Yada, yada, yada. She was like, cool, cool, cool. He's like, sorry. I woke up this morning and I thought,
what would make Laura happy? Like what would actually make her happy? She was like, cool. What did you come up with? I rewrote those vows. Fam. She said, swear. Okay. It was G. Okay. And the vows were lit. Okay. So then man, yeah, we're going to see stuff. Okay. So we're going to see stuff. I can't wait. Okay. Say less. Right. And last one I'm going to stop on is George's
Yeah, I saw that name. I was thinking, why is it called? Yeah, it's French. It's French. Oh, George and Peggy. Peggy. Let me find Peggy. All right. I'm listening. When I say Peggy and her family are manipulators. So this is where we started off. Yeah. Yeah. George came in immediate waist man.
immediate waist man bro he came in and was like bro listen yeah i'm tired of this playboy bachelor lovey living life large fucking lifestyle i'm ready to settle down yeah like he's basically moving like i've just been clapping too many cheeks too regular yeah and i can't find love i've got money i've
And I've got charisma and I'm banging. - Let me provide for you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Run me a wife because too many, the streets want me too bad. And everyone's like, shut up, bro. And then they're all talking like, oh, his boys are all talking like, what kind of wife do you want? And man just said, fam, tits. I'm looking for tits. He said, Matt said, if she's part of the EBT committee, I don't think this is gonna pattern. - Wow, fam.
I said raw. You're a national television. Live TV. What are you doing, my guy? Oh, yeah. Yeah. If she's part of the EBT committee. I don't want none of that. Yeah, I don't want a piece of it. Damn. So...
They get married. She's walking down the aisle. Donnie turns around. His face lights up. And then they pulled him aside afterwards. After they said the vows, he's like, good Lord, like you're stunning. You're divine. You're everything. And then like- He's got a French accent? No, no, no. But he spits French when he wants. Okay. He's got completely English accent. Okay. So they said to the producer, like, what do you think? What do you think? And I said, ooh. Wow. We're good. Wow. Yeah. Piece of shit. Yeah, this is a game team. Yeah, it's all a game. It's literally a game team. It's all a game, bro. Yeah. So anyway-
We leave that. He goes back and her sister pulls him to the side. I was like, right, it's my little sister. Like, I don't know you from Adam. Like, I need to find out some stuff. Like, let me talk. She led him into a false insecurity and just shank and twisted him. Fam, he's sitting there talking to her like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of his boys walks past and he goes like that to one of his boys. Bear in mind, this is a wedding day. This is a party. He goes like that to one of his boys. She was like, well, that's a bad start. Don't be winking at other people when I'm talking to you. Pay attention to me.
He said, raw. He said, what's all this hostility? No, no, no. This is my wedding day. I can't have that kind of chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my wedding day. What's all this hostility? Yeah. So he was like, I bet. Like, well, go on. What do you want to say? So she's like, I want to make sure that like,
You're comfortable, like this is good for her. Like I'm so protective of her. Like what are you gonna do for her? And he's like, we're gonna have like, this is the start of an amazing adventure. Like we're gonna have a great time. And she was like, it's not about a great time though, is it? This is marriage. It's not all about having a great time. He said, bro, bro. - Chill, this is day one. - Yeah, what's all this stuff, man? I'm saying this is the beginning of a great adventure. It's our life. It's gonna be fun. I know it's not all about fun, but I'm just the first thing out my mouth is, yeah, we're gonna have some fun. She said, all right, bet, scenario.
You've never met her before. Obviously, do you think she's good looking? He's like, I think she's stunning. She said, bet. So what happens tonight? First night of your marriage, what happens? Man said, she takes the lead. Like, I'm not going to pressure her. I'm not going to recommend. I'm not going to suggest. She takes the lead. Sister's like, what? That's my sister. You don't know her. So what? Like, if she's on it, you're just going to do it. And man said,
She takes the lead, bro. She's an adult. Yeah. She's 32. She's an adult. She's an adult, bro. She takes the lead. That's what I'm saying. And he was like, nah, she was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I'm done with this. She walked off back to the camera and said, I hate, I don't like this guy, bro. I'm not on it. Fuck the sister. Fuck the sister. Fuck the sister. And I saw a spoiler that I'm living about. Fuck Peggy too. Ha.
She tricked Donnie as well with the same tactics. They're on a honeymoon now. And she said, oh, when a lot of people look at me, they assume that I do like basically like adult content. Okay. And they always think like adult content. I can make loads of money from doing adult content. Like if I said I wanted to do adult content, we're like, what would you say? And man said, I think you should do whatever makes you happy. She said, would you have a problem? He's like, I wouldn't have a problem with that. If you want to do that, then you should do it. She said, raw.
Raw. My husband, you know, saying that I should basically do porn. Oh my God.
- Oh my God. - Is that what you're telling me? - Don't load me into this false sense of security. We're having an honest conversation. - I'm having an honest conversation. He said, "I just want you to do whatever makes you happy." That's what I'm trying to say. She said, "Nah, brother, nah, brother, nah, brother. There's no way I've gone on this journey, like left my family and friends for you to be telling me that your cool with me posted up nude online." Like, what is that, bro? What is that? - My days. - He said, "I just want you to do what you want, bro." She was like, "What I want to do is get the fuck out of here."
And I said, nah, I'm not dealing with stuff like that. I look at all the producers' cameras and roll my eyes. Yeah, I'd roll my eyes. I'd have to charge the ting from there. Oh, facts. But anyway, I'm going to pause it there. I've been chatting long enough. It's getting juicy. It sounds like a schedule. I'm intrigued. I'm locked in. I'm intrigued. That's one of your five couples out of how many? Ten? There's a lot. I'm locked in. There's a lot to come. I'm locked in. All right, bet. Cool, cool, cool, cool. All right, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So...
You might already know, I've taken a break on just talking about United clearly because our form hasn't been the best in a very, very, very long time. So the last time I spoke is when we lost to Arsenal 3-1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And this was just before the international break. Yes. And I was thinking, okay, we need...
This break has come at a perfect time because we just need some time to compose ourselves. Like, we are United, but we're not playing like we're United. It's not making sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So our next game, after that 3-1 loss away, was at home against Brighton. Brighton's not an easy team. Whatever anyone wants to say, Brighton are probably one of the most underrated teams going in the past couple of years. And they're very good. But the way these men played against us at home... Yes!
I just didn't understand why United were playing the way they were playing. Long story short, we lost 3-1. Long story short, we lost 3-1. That was two weeks ago. And the peak thing is we were losing 3-0 and we had to bring on Hannibal. Hannibal is like someone from the reserves youth team. I was waking his way up.
And he banged in a goal. Yeah. And I was thinking, why does it have to resort to this for us to... Do you know what I'm saying? Why should it resort to this for us to at least have a goal, have some involvement or encouragement or some form of positive attitude to try and do something? Yeah. Because the rest of the week in, week out players, apart from maybe two or three, were playing sluggish, bro. Absolutely sluggish. And it's like...
This is not the United I know. This is not the United I know. And I know this is not what Eric Ten Hag wants. We just know. We just know that. I was like, cool. Charge at home. Charge. Do you know the fucking peakest thing about it? Prior to that game, we hadn't lost a game at home in like a season and a bit. The last game we lost at home was against Brighton. But I was going to say. First game of the season. Last season. Brighton 2-1.
And they scored all three goals because there was an own goal from them. Oh, wow. Yeah. I will never forget that game. And I will never forget the 4-0 after that as well with Brentford the week fucking after. But anyway, anyway, then we roll into our first Champions League game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had Bayern Munich away Allianz Arena, Germany. Tough venue, tough team, tough crowd. And you're thinking, let's see what we got. Champions League game, we need to re-up and bounce back from the two 3-1 losses we've just had. Mm-hmm.
We didn't play the best. We lost 4-3. But the thing is, if you score three goals away in a Champions League game, you'd be thinking, I'm leaving with some. I'm leaving with some. We just, again, they were winning 2-0. Then we scored 1-2-1. And as soon as we scored, they scored straight away, 3-1. And then we scored again and they scored again. It's like, we couldn't hold onto anything anymore.
Every time we scored one, we were like, okay, let's go in, let's go, let's go. And then the defense will be left wide open. The defense was just, it's the defense in the midfield was so poor over the past month. It's clearly hurt us so much. And we had injuries and we had new people that come on that hadn't started yet.
So we finally played another game yesterday, but by the time this comes out, it was last week. We played Crystal Palace in the Carabao Cup, our first game of that cup competition, and we played at home. He changed, I think, five or six players. He played all the youngsters, well, a lot of the youngsters, and he played...
who is a defensive midfielder who we signed from Fiorentina, who we've tried to start from the beginning of the season, but he's been injured, but he only started the other day. He had his full debut the other day. And we played the best football we've played all season. And we won 3-0. And that was like...
It shouldn't have to take one. Yes, we changed players that we had people in the midfield that were back. We had different players and blah, blah, blah. But it shouldn't have to take this change up of the team for us to play like we want to play football. Like these men were running, like say we were 2-0 down and we needed to win the game back. That's how much, that's how good we were playing. You know what I mean? And it was just so frustrating to see. Don't get me wrong. It was...
It was somewhat, it was bittersweet because I loved the fact we were playing well. I loved the fact that we were winning. But I know for a fact he's not going to play this squad on Saturday. Because funny enough, we've got Crystal Palace again in the Premier League this Saturday. But we just played them in the Carabao Cup. And in cup competitions, you tend to alter your squad just to give everyone a rotation. But it's food for thought for the actual starting XI, the regular starting XI to be like, listen, we need to work off this momentum. Tell a lie, we won against...
We won against, who did we win 1-0 against? Burnley. That was before this 3-0 victory. Burnley are bottom of the league. Bottom of the league, they're newly promoted. I think they've got one point and we struggled to beat them. We were away, I mean, the goal was amazing, don't get me wrong, but we struggled to beat them. And it was like,
wow, this is eye-opening football. So I'm happy we needed that three nil for the confidence, the morale, the fans, everything. So I'm in a good place now, but it's still, we're still average. We're still so average. So I'm hoping by the time this comes out, the match will be done, but I'm hoping Saturday against Crystal Palace, we do what we need to do. - All right, BertJ, I keep saying it, bro, I'm locking in. I wanna be here with you. Even if I don't commentate, I wanna be here with you.
I'm gonna jump on, flipping. - Match of the day. - Yeah, now TV even. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Now TV, I'm gonna jump on and then yeah, I'm there. - Okay, but. - I'm gonna jump on, now TV, pattern it, watch it, and then I'm just gonna wait. - Cool. - I'm gonna wait. I think it'll be juicy if I just don't say anything. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then I'm gonna wait and just hear. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I wanna hear. But anyway, I'm gonna have to charge the episode there. - Yeah, yeah. - Thank you guys for listening. - Thanks. - Thank you guys for watching. We appreciate you. - Always. - And as always, love, love, love. - Gang, gang, gang.
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