Throwback Thursday: Jessi Lawless - Born Lawless
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Let's talk about our favorite fall scents. I love marshmallows. I love the smell of s'mores. I love the smell of dark chocolate. I love the smell of rain on a dreary autumn night. Not a pumpkin spice latte fan, though. Sorry, ladies. But you want to know what's not on this list? B.O., let's face it.

Summer isn't the only time we get body odor. We can get just as smelly under our favorite fall sweaters. That's why I'm excited to tell you about Lume's whole body deodorant for pits, privates, and beyond. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. Use code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, baby, at LumeDeodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-R-O-M-E.

O-D-O-R-A-N-T dot com. You guys already know I've been preaching to you for months now. I absolutely love Lume products and now that I'm on tour under pressure 24-7, what do I got with me? A whole case full of Lume. You bet your buttons. Lume's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant,

Cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack.

Use code bunny XO, B-U-N-N-I-E XO for 15% off your first purchase at lumideodorant.com. That's code bunny XO, B-U-N-N-I-E XO at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com.

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All right, gentlemen, coming to main stage next, this is Bunny. Get up there. She's got a tornado of titties coming your way. Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J. Fox. So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars. Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, I have one of my favorite TikTokers here.

Jesse Lawless, I'm so happy that you have came on this podcast and sat down with me today. I'm like so excited to dive into your story because I get to see you online and like you're just like so positive, always making me laugh, always coming up with these like quotes and shit that you have and yeah.

I just love it. So I'm really excited to just dive deep into your story. How are you? I'm good. Yeah. It's great to see you. Thanks for having me here. Are you good though? Cause you had, let's just, you know, let's rip the bandaid off and let's just like dive into it. So you, you had a like, okay, we had booked you a flight to come here.

And then fucking hurricane, whatever is happening now. Nicole, I think. Oh my God. It even has a name. So it's going to be a bad one. It's over. It was one. It was just, it was a one. We don't even count it until it's a three. Oh, okay. That's such a Floridian thing. We don't count it till it's destruction. Yeah. Okay. So anyways, you guys thought that,

it was going to be worse and they ended up like closing down the fucking airports and then right or something like that um well anytime winds reach a certain speed they close down the airports because take off you know you don't want your airplane flying sideways yeah no never a soul plane like how they do on soul plane right yeah no yeah never want to do that so anytime the winds reach a certain speed we just don't even count flights

Yeah. So you ended up having to drive. I did. You and Divinity, right? Right. That's how I say her name. Is that her real name? That's her real name. That is really pretty. Her mom is creative. Aw. Well, you can see that in her daughter, too. Yeah, she's a really sweet, creative woman. Aw, I love that. So you and Divinity had to take a road trip. And 12 hours in a car with somebody can lead to...

Who knows? So what happened with you guys on your way here? We had, I wasn't going to even have the discussion because I was just, I really wanted to keep this weekend as peaceful as possible. But one conversation led to the next and I was like, I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to bring this up. I didn't want to talk about this. And that conversation led to the end. Aww.

Um, has this been a long time coming or like, yeah. Cause you guys seem so cute on the internet, but internet can fool you. Oh no. What was going on? Can we talk about it? Yeah, we can talk about it. I mean, it wasn't all bad, you know, I appreciate and I'm really grateful for what she brought to my life cause she really did. She amplified a lot of things. She did a lot for my style for sure. And, um, I appreciate everything that she brought into my life, but, um,

I found that I have more scars from holding onto things that weren't for me than, you know, wounds from letting go, letting go. It can be really hard, but it's so much better for you in the long run. And I felt like, honestly, I was just fucking with somebody else's soulmate. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's real. How long were you guys together for?

I think that we made it like a little over four months officially. Oh, okay. It was a whirlwind. Yeah. Kind of like a love bombing thing. Oh, man. It happened really fast. She told me that she thought that I was going to be her wife on day two. And I just, I didn't believe in fairy tales. And she convinced me.

She convinced me. Sometimes we need that hope. It's always nice to kind of believe in a fairy tale every once in a while. It was a fun little ride for sure. What happened though? So you guys are driving and you're just like, look, this isn't working or? We just have a very different approach to things. We actually were discussing a hair situation that she has. She's a colorist and I'm a barber. So we talk about hair things a lot. And I've been an instructor and I'm a master colorist and I've

I've done it all, you know? So, um, in situations like that, she'll ask me, what do you think about this? And I'm brutally honest. You know, when, when you ask me a question about business, you get business, Jesse, and there's no sugarcoating. And I know that I can be a little harsh, but I think that that's, that's what's made me grow. So that's what I give people. Right. You know, well, I think that's, you appreciate a lot of people appreciate brutal honesty. I do.

She didn't really like, you know, my response. And I had some things to say about the fact that she didn't like my response. And I don't want to get into too much detail because I would never want to paint her in a bad light. I still have respect for her and for the relationship that we had. Absolutely. We're just built different. You know, I'm the type of person that...

As soon as you say, Jesse, I think you're being selfish. I'm like, okay, time to look in the mirror. Let's evaluate the situation. I'll call my closest friends sometimes, not often, because most of the time I rely on myself. Yeah. I'm like, all right, let's see here. What have I done? And if I see it, I'm like, you're right. You know, I'm real quick to admit what I fucked up. Right. So I just. Accountability is huge. It really is. It's a really big deal to me. And I think that that was one of the.

that broke the camel's back. Right. Just a series of issues. And you know what's cool, though, is that you're only four months in, which is four months with somebody is always cherished. But you were able to spot it early on and didn't let it linger for like years.

Right. And it's hard because, man, we really do have a very significant connection. And I've never been with anyone that could keep up with me on the business side of things. And, you know, she's got a mad hustle like that girl works. She really does. And I respected that tremendously. Hell yeah. You know, we're both content creators. We're both hairstylists. We very much understand each other. But there's...

there's an upside down right to all that and it's it's as good as it is the good was the bad was just we just didn't we were all in water we were really really well in water when's her birthday she's a leo august 14th okay and aren't you a leo i'm an aquarius oh you're an aquarius i have an aquarius that's awesome so aquarius that's crazy because aquarius and leo are actually like soulmate signs

Maybe she just has a lot of growing to do. You have a lot of growing to do. And if it's meant to be, you guys will come back together. I won't close the door on anything. If we could not be oil and water, if we could find a way to coexist, I would love that. Well, Leos are very, because I was married to one, are very fucking emotional. And Aquarius, we are not. I can't.

Cut it off, baby. You know, you know, I try to be sensitive enough to say, all right, let's acknowledge your hurt or your anger or whatever it is that's got you in whatever emotional state you're in. And I'll be there for you. Let's talk about it. Go ahead and unpack it if you need, you know, someone to talk to. But let's wrap it up.

You know, let's not stay here. Let's not dwell. Let's not take our emotions and wrap them around us and turn ourselves into an emotional fucking burrito. Absolutely. I 100% agree with you. Let's wrap it up. That describes my fucking life. If I even start feeling a little bit of emotion, I'm just like, okay, let's move on. You know, like, let's not sit in it. Let's fucking go. Well, you know, you guys, I...

I really hope that you guys can figure it out. Cause I think you guys are super cute. And if not, guess what? There's going to be mad bitches who are excited that Jesse Lawless is fucking single. Now you heard it first on dumb blonde podcast. That's right, baby. All right. So let's take it back. Jesse, where did you grow up?

A tiny little town outside of Birmingham in Alabama. Okay, I didn't know that about you. I looked it up. I googled it not long ago, and I think that according to the last census report, the town population is like 350. Holy shitballs. Yeah, smaller than most people's graduating class. That's crazy. I couldn't imagine. That's a small, small, small town. Talk about everybody knows everybody. Oh, everybody's probably related. Yeah.

And so, I mean, is that wrong to say? No, no, no, it's not. Not an Alabama joke, I swear. No, roll tide. Listen, I lived right down the street from an inbred family. I'm not kidding. That's real life shit. They lived about a mile and a half from where I grew up, and everybody knew. Everybody knew. And it just existed. They just let it roll. Yeah. It's just like, they didn't hurt nobody. Yeah.

I know, right? They're happy, they're peaceful, whatever. I'm really glad my mom went to Florida to find someone to breed with. So I'm for sure that my parents aren't related. I love that. So was it, were you raised by a single mom or did you have mom and dad or how'd that go? My dad didn't even know I existed until I was 14. Wow. So, I mean, I felt like the stork dropped me off, honestly. My mom's this just gorgeous, beautiful,

She's got a lot of Native American in her. You know, she's got a nice tan skin, dark hair. And I was just this goofy ass looking, big tooth, redheaded...

you a redhead? Oh, I'm a ginger as fuck. Oh, I love it. That's awesome. So I just, I was just goofy ass looking little kid running around playing in the dirt while my mom's like laying out in the front yard in her bikini and all my friends were making jokes that they want to bang my mom. So that was awesome. But, uh, it's always cool having a hot mom. It kind of was. Kind of, kind of not, kind of. She was a preacher.

Oh, so there's counterbalance. Wow. So was she a preacher from the time you were born or was that something she evolved into? I have these crazy like little glimpse memories of just some crazy shit, you know, in my mom's

She would probably lose her fucking shit if she heard me mention this. Oh, no. Well, mom, don't listen to the podcast. Mom, turn it off right now. Right now. But I remember seeing like tarot cards. Oh, okay. And black candles and her and her friends. Well, she's Native American. That's part of her. Or has a Native American in her. That's part of her culture too. So...

Next thing you know, we're in church. I grew up in church. I was in church every single time the doors were open. Oh, yeah, me too. Sunday morning, middle of the day Sunday. Wednesday. For prayer meeting, Sunday night, Wednesday. And if there was a revival, then it was over. I was sleeping on a church pew until possibly 1 a.m. That's crazy. If the preacher was done by then. Wow. So it was an interesting situation with my mom. So as a single mom...

were you guys, was she struggling or wish did she always, was she always able to kind of paint a shot, a picture? I was, uh,

A handful, if you can believe that. An Aquarius baby? Never. Aquarius ginger baby? Yeah, exactly. I was an absolute lunatic. I think we're just born rebels. Yeah. We literally are born to fuck shit up. I was literally born lawless. Yes. It is not just a name. It is a way of life. I can't believe that's her real last name, Mimi. That is absolutely my real last name. That's crazy, right? Yeah, when I went to go book her flights, I forgot to tell you that. I think that's fucking cool as shit. Oh, shit.

Yeah. Yeah. I love it. So I don't know if it's a blessing and a curse. Yeah. You know, I have no fear. I'm an absolute adrenaline junkie. I got a need for speed. If it's got a motor, I want to drive it. I love it. And my mom's just like this.

I mean, I don't want to use the word prissy because she wasn't just a prissy woman. She was just womanly, like woman, just a woman. She was very womanly. Feminine. She was just in her divine feminine. Yes, she would exude femininity. Her nails. I always remember her beautiful hands. My mom has beautiful hands. She has beautiful nails. She did her makeup just to the nines. She always looked top-notch. We were poor as fucking dirt. But my mom always looked top-notch. I love that. And she kept me looking...

Good, too. You know, I wasn't running around in rags. It was mostly hand-me-downs and thrift store clothes, but she made me look good. Yeah, that doesn't matter if you have a $5 shirt or a fucking...

shirt, you're going to make it look good no matter what. I prefer the $5 shirts. She had a way and she still has a way. My mom's still alive. I don't know why I'm talking about her. I was just about to ask if she passed. Well, based on, you know, the mother of my childhood versus my mom now, they're different. Okay, we'll get into that for sure. They're kind of like two different people there.

So it was just you and your mom growing up. Did you ever have stepdad, anything like that? Nothing? I've got to give her mad respect for the fact that she never dated. There were no men in the house ever. Not one time. She tried to, she did her best to protect me for sure. I love that. Go mom. Yeah. She, that's, I mean, I can't thank her enough. Yeah, for sure. Um, so when did you guys start getting heavy into church? Um,

Well, when I was, I think I was five, five or six. It was right in that period of time. I remember my mom, this is after the tarot card stuff that I remember. She doesn't mess with any of that anymore. It's the devil. Yeah, yeah. Well, she probably had something happen. She got real sick. She almost died. Her white blood cell count was through the roof. And I spent a large portion of my childhood in hospitals because...

I thought my mom was dying. You know, she had a hospital bed and everything. I hardly ever saw her actually walk. And, you know, I remember her and my aunt. What was she diagnosed? I think the cancer research just wasn't far enough along at that point. But her white blood cell count was through the roof, which is a pretty good indication of something. Leukemia. That was...

what they're now thinking that she had at that point. So this is probably the craziest part of my entire story. Let's talk about our favorite fall scents. I love marshmallows. I love the smell of s'mores. I love the smell of dark chocolate. I love the smell of rain on a dreary autumn night. Not a pumpkin spice latte fan though. Sorry, ladies.

But you want to know what's not on this list? B.O. Let's face it, summer isn't the only time we get body odor. We can get just as smelly under our favorite fall sweaters. That's why I'm excited to tell you about Lume's Whole Body Deodorant for pits, privates, and beyond. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. Use code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, baby.

at LumeDeodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. You guys already know I've been preaching to you for months now. I absolutely love Lume products. And now that I'm on tour under pressure 24 seven, what do I got with me? A whole case full of Lume, you bet your buttons. Lume starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant,

Cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack.

Use code bunny XO B-U-N-N-I-E XO for 15% off your first purchase at Lumi deodorant.com. That's code bunny XO B-U-N-N-I-E XO at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. All right, guys, you're always asking about my skincare regimen and I'm

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It also has organic sesame seed oil, which contains powerhouses vitamins A and E and essential fatty acids, oleic acid, palmitic acid, stearic acid, and linoic acid that keep skin moisturized and healthy. Say hello to clean spa quality skincare essentials that deliver a moisture rich glow. My followers will get 15% off their first order when you use code BUNNY15.

B-U-N-N-I-E 15 at checkout. That's 15% off your first order at oakessentials.com. O-A-K-E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L-S.com. Promo code bunny15. Go ahead, treat yourself, girl. Get your best radiant skin this fall with Oak Essentials. My aunt, you know, sat me down with my mom and said, you know, your mom is going to have to go on a trip and...

You'll see her again eventually, but this is going to be a long trip. So you're going to come live with us. And I was like, I didn't get it. How old were you? Like five or six. Oh. So this happened young? Very young, yeah. So we thought she was going. We thought that was it to the point where they were getting ready to get me set up and squared away. So...

I got a crazy aunt, like real crazy. She's his mom's sister? His mom's sister. Yeah, this isn't the aunt that I was going to go live with. This is the other aunt that's now passed away. She died in a trailer full of cats.

Oh. Naked. So, yeah. She went out with a bang. She did indeed. She really did. But when she wasn't in a mental institution, she was deep throat in a bottle. I think vodka was her thing. I don't know. Quit me. And those were both your mom's sisters? No. The one sister I was going to stay with, she was cool. Right. Family woman, got a husband and kids, just really settled down. Typical Alabama white picket fence life. Right. And then my aunt Karen was, she was a crazy one. So was she just like a best friend or?

No, she was my mom's sister. She was your mom's sister. She was Zipper Blood's sister. She had several siblings. But she talked my mom into going to this church meeting thing. She said, this man's got healing hands. He's known to heal people. You got to come. Is this after she was sick? This is while she was sick. While she was sick, okay. And, I mean, she even told my Aunt Karen. She was like, Karen, I can barely walk. Karen was like, I don't care who will carry you in the church. Hmm.

made a real big deal out of it. I'll never forget it. It was the most powerful moment in my entire life because I thought I was losing my mom. It was all starting to come together for me. It's got to be traumatic at five or six years old. That's she was everything. I didn't have a dad, so I didn't have nothing else. That's your mama, man. We went to this church situation. His name was Jesse to plan us. I don't know if you ever heard of him. He's a very famous in the whole Christian thing. Um,

He called her out. He walked down the aisle. He said, Lord's going to heal you tonight. And he, I got chills. He got her up. He said, in the name of Jesus, you stand up right now. And she stood up. That was one of the first times I ever saw my mom stand up all by herself. Oh my God. Calls her out in the middle of the aisle. I swear to you, Bunny, this is 100% true. I love that. Puts his hands on her, starts praying and ah-sh-la-la-la. Yeah, speaking in tongues. Right, right, right. And next thing you know, she falls out.

I'm like, he killed her. That's it. Oh, no. Well, that's it. It's over. And, you know, a couple minutes later, she got up and started running up and down the aisles of the church. Holy shit.

Shit. Yeah. That's like shit you only fucking hear about like, you know, like the Benny Hens and all that stuff. You know, I grew up with all that stuff around me too when my dad decided to stop being a rock star and wanted to go fucking full fledged Bible thumper. So that's like stuff that you just like see on TV, but you actually got to see that with your own eyes. It was crazy shit I've ever seen in my life. Does that make you a believer now? It did for a long time and I was really cemented in my belief because I'm like,

God showed me a miracle it would be like the worst form of blasphemy to just ignore him after this like he literally showed me a miracle but I gotta it's hard for me that's a the Christianity thing is a real hard subject for me because it was forced upon me same you know so much throughout my life and

I'm gay, obviously. I don't know if you guys knew that. I didn't know. I had no idea. I know. I know. It's weird. Don't tell nobody. We'll get into that. Did you always know that you were gay? I did. Okay. So you were just born and just liked women. I didn't know what it meant. I just knew that I was not interested in the boys at all. Yeah. And I just, I felt really uncomfortable, but excited when I looked at girls. Right, right, right. So that was a, that was an issue.

For me and my mom. So after mom gets healed, she goes home and everything? She threw all of her medicine away. Really? And she divorced her husband. She did. You know what? She was married to a man. Okay. Okay.

For the first part. Like, I don't even remember. Like, I just, there was a dude. Right. And she was married to him. And then she divorced him when she got better. So, I mean, my memories are a little sketchy. You know, pre-six years old. You were young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she left him and then we went and moved in with my grandparents. They were both sick. She took care of both of them until they died. Wow. So, she literally went to this church service, was healed, came home, threw out all of her stuff, went to church.

Kick dude to the curb. You guys moved in with the grandparents. How old are you? How long do you guys stay with them? Until they died. She's still, we still own the house. Okay. My grandfather left it to her and his will. And then when I was in the military, she gave it to me. But then she divorced after, after I moved out at 18, she married another man who she divorced and, and she was going to come back and live with me. Um,

in the house and I was like, I'm going to go back to Florida. You can have it. You're good. I love her very much, but we cannot live together. Gotcha. So teenage Jesse, talk to me. I would have eaten a cat turd if you told me to get me high. Holy.

whole so you were an addict oh big time I never knew that you know it's that's a hard one for me I don't know if you'd say I was an addict so that's the Aquarius in you yeah that's the Aquarius in you I always try to tell everybody I don't know if I was an addict because I really had anxiety but I fucking overtook my medicine you know

Oh, no. I did as many drugs as I could get my hands on. Yeah. But it was more of just like a partier type? It was a partier and attention. Okay. I was an attention whore. I'm not going to lie. So you weren't like addicted to anything? I was addicted to attention. Okay. And the more fucked up I got, the more attention, you know, I got. At that point, I hadn't figured out what to do good. Right. I had no outlets. I had no way to, I hadn't figured out how to do good yet. You know, I just hadn't found that in me. When did this start?

I mean, the first time I smoked weed, I think I was like 10 or 11. Oh, wow. On a trampoline. Oh, my God. Who had the weed? I was being babysat by... It's always the fucking babysitters. Always the babysitters doing some weird shit. I think my mom and my babysitter sister had gone to a church service, and I talked her into letting me stay home. And I went over to her sister's, her friend's house, whose little sister watched us.

Me and the girl's two kids. Okay. So she had weed and smoked it on a trampoline. I jumped so high I didn't think I was coming down. Oh, for real. Yeah, it was crazy. I've never been able to get that high again. Oh, no. Dude, I remember the first time I got high, it was...

we were driving to this fucking arcade called Mary Kay's. And the whole time I was so fucking high, I thought we were going to Marie Callender's. So when we pulled up to a fucking arcade, I was like, where the fuck is Marie Callender's? I'm fucking starving. So, okay, you were rebellious. You started, you smoked weed. What did that go into? What kind of other drugs were you doing? Well, I mean, for a long time, it was mostly just weed. When I'd

Probably when I was 12 or 13. You know, 13, I started eating pills. Mm-hmm.

And that was like, I was just like, tick, tacks, just pills. I didn't care what kind it was. Will it get me high? I'm going to eat it. I can't believe I'm alive, honestly. That's crazy. Yeah. That is such a young age to be just popping pills. By the time I was 15 or 16, that's when, you know, like I said, I would have eaten a cat turd if you told me to get me high. Two if it was good. Were you still going to school and like getting good grades or how was that working out for you? Oh man. Um,

I got kicked out of high school the second week of my 10th grade year. Oh, for what? It was an accident. First of all, I know. Um, assault and battery upon a board employee. Oh no. I was in a fight on the bus and, um,

Oh, gotcha. The bus driver, like, we had knocked the shit out of each other. And one's over here on this side of the bus and one's over there on that side of the bus. And we're coming back at each other. Here comes a bus driver. And I went to cold cock the shit out of this girl. And next thing you know, I knocked the fucking bus driver out. Oh, no.

- Oh no. - They kicked me out of the whole school system. - That's a fucking accident. You didn't deserve that. - I had a little bit of a reputation at that point. I'd already gotten into a lot of trouble for fighting. - Me too. - Got picked on a lot. - Me too. I got jumped and then I fucking started beating the fuck out of everybody. - And that's it. And when you knock somebody the fuck out, people stop fucking with you. That is the highest level of fuck around and find out. - Yeah, no, that's exactly what happened to me. I got bullied so I became the bully. And literally, but the thing was, I wasn't a bully that went looking for fights.

I would fucking finish it though. Like you're not going to talk to me crazy. Yeah. Like for real, like fuck around and find out exactly like you said. Um, so you're getting in trouble. Where's mom at during all this? How is she like, she's losing it. You know, she's just like trying to keep control of her damn kid. Um, we were, we were really poor because my mom didn't work. And what she told me is like, I can't keep a job cause you're always in trouble. Um,

I got to give that to her. You know, I guess that makes sense. Right. But yeah, I was... Hell on wheels. Absolutely. I really was. And I'm not proud of that. You know, my...

My rough past has created a person who I really do love today. I love, I love myself. I think that, you know, I've grown tremendously from where I came from, but, uh, yeah, I put my poor mom through hell. That's part of your story though. Part of your journey. Um, so I heard you say that you went to the military. How old were you when you went to the military? I actually enlisted when I was 21. Okay. Um,

Did you graduate? Sorry, not to mean to cut you off. No, I didn't. I got kid. I went to private school for just a few months. I convinced my mom to let me quit and go get my GED. Oh, so, and I was like, mom, just let me, just let me quit. Please stop. Don't make me go to this private school. And she, she eventually was like, fine, but you have to go to the community college and take GED classes. Okay.

So I agreed to that. And when I was supposed to go take those classes, I went and got fucked up with my friends instead. But I killed the GED. Right. Like I passed it with flying colors. Love it. Funny story. Two of my friends that I went to high school with their senior year, they were like fucking Jesse Lawless got kicked out like two years ago, went and took the GED and she's, she ain't got to go to school. Let's do that. We're going to do that. Both of them failed.

twice. That's crazy. I actually passed my, and I am not a test taker. I am the worst test taker ever in the world. I passed mine the first time too. Nice. I got kicked out for fighting. They wouldn't let me, I got kicked out of private schools. I got kicked out of church for beating girls up. Oh shit. I mean, it was crazy. I got kicked, finally got kicked out of Las Vegas high school.

and had to take my GED, went the first time and fucking nailed it. Nice. So yeah, no, I totally, I respect that. Respect. Respect, back at you. So you went to the military. What was behind that decision? When I was 17, I had ran away from home and I'd been gone for a couple of months. And it was the first time that I considered actually like using intravenous drugs. Hmm.

And I watched my buddy do it and you know, they did the whole thing and yeah. And I watched him and it freaked me out and man, I was in a just, just beat down trailer park in Alabama. And there was this guy in the trailer next to us. And I mean, I never should have been there. He's a nice enough guy. I mean, he's cool or whatever. Um,

So I got kind of freaked out by the situation and he had drugs. So I went over to his trailer and did his drugs without having to shoot him up. And I just woke up the next morning and I was like, what movie is this? And he was like, that's the news. And I was like,

what and about that time the second plane hit the second tower oh my gosh and i was like holy fucking shit he was like you want some of this tylox and i was like sure and i called my mom i was like hey mom uh i want to go to the to the army and i'll tell you where i'm at if you promise to take me to the recruiter station she's like there's no fucking way no she didn't say fucking because she's a woman of god at that point she's like there's no way yeah and i was like well i ain't gonna tell you where i'm at then and she was like listen

Just tell me where you're at. I promise I'll take you to the recruiter station. My mom's a woman of her word. She would never make a promise she wouldn't keep. I was like, all right. I told her where I was at. And she took me to the recruiter station. They made me take an ASVAB.

And I nailed it. What's ASVAB? It's the test that you take to determine how smart you are for the military. Wow. What job you can take, you know, what job you can do. And I took the ASVAB and they were like, your daughter has a lot of opportunity in the army. And my mom said, I promised because they wanted her to sign release forms because I was only 17. And she said, I promised to take you to the recruiter station. I did not promise to sign anything.

Oh, she didn't want to lose you. I was fucking furious. I was probably one of the biggest fits I ever threw. She didn't think you were serious is what happened. I was. I don't know why not. I never showed her any reason not to believe me when I said when anytime I say I'm going to do something, I've done it. Yeah, yeah. It's got to be an Aquarius. Longstanding reputation for that. Yeah, that's crazy. She didn't want to lose you. That or she might have been scared that she wouldn't have got you back, you know? Right. Well, you know, it was.

The towers got hit that day. I decided to go enlist in the army the day that everybody realized we were about to go to war. She was like, she's a fucking crazy person. I'm not letting her do this shit. So how were you? Did you have girlfriends and stuff during high school? Did your mom know that you were gay? I came out to her probably when I was like 15 or so. I wrote her a letter and she cried and looked up and asked God what she did wrong. Oh.

So that was awesome. She didn't approve it also. I mean, any girls that I was involved with, it was usually like secret. You know, I was everybody's secret little fling back then. Nobody wanted to admit to... Well, our age, yeah. People were not... I was banging my neighbor, my next door neighbor with socks in my pocket, giving her hickeys on her neck, dude. Like I've always liked... It's crazy because like I love dudes. I love men. I love feeling, you know, just penetration. But...

I've always loved women too. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always made out with girls. Like that's always been my thing. It's like, it's weird. It's like, once you know, you know, but in our generation of growing up, that shit was hidden. Like nobody talked about it. Nobody talked about the little girls playing house and shit. Yeah. I was a lot of, uh, teenage girls, little secret when I was a teenager. How'd that make you feel? It sucked. You know, I felt like I was, they were ashamed. Mm.

Of me, but it was at that. We're in the South. We're in a tiny town in Alabama. You know what I'm saying? I don't know how they didn't know it was as fucking tiny as that town was. I mean, everybody knew that I was gay. No, no, no. I mean, like, even, like, the little girls hooking up, you know? Like, I just don't know how nobody knew. They were too afraid of anybody finding out. We were pretty quiet about it. I mean, a lot of the interactions that I had with girls were, like, my friends. Mm-hmm.

And we'd sleep in the same bed together. And then something would happen in the middle of the night. And then we just pretend like it never happened. Right. Gotcha. And then we just kept spending the night with each other, pretending like it wasn't happening. Right. Oh, poor Jesse. Just looking for love and just wanting to be loved. Plenty of girls out there that say that they hooked up with me that did not. So it's even, it's a balance. Oh yeah. I bet they're wishing they spoke up now for sure. We'll get to that part though. Um, okay. So you and your mom wouldn't sign the paperwork. What happens next? Um,

Um, I did more drugs.

You know, I just went on a rampage. What do you, well, what void do you think you were filling with the drugs? You still think it was for attention? I didn't think that I was, I didn't like my life. I just didn't like my life. And I think honestly, I was just trying to slowly off myself. Oh, um, I can't think of, I just hated it. I hated everything about my life. You know, there was a lot of fucked up things that happened in my childhood that just kind of fucked me up. Honestly. Can we talk about some of them?

there's some bad doctors out there you know i don't want to go into too much detail about it but there was my mom spent a lot of time you know in the hospitals and stuff and

she had a physician that just got a little bit too fucking comfortable with me. He ended up being my babysitter for a little while. Oh, no. I had a really, really cool babysitter that kind of saved me from him. She was my hero. She's my favorite person. And then she died of a brain aneurysm. So the only person I ever felt was a hero to me, I lost. Right. So I just...

And you had this fucking gross old man touching you or molesting you. Yeah, it was pretty bad. I'm so sorry that happened to you. You know, I don't reflect back on that. Did your mom know that that was going on? I told her, you know, later. Not too much later. I mean, it was right after she was better. You know, I didn't want to tell my mom that because she was sick and I just...

You just don't want to add to the pain that's already going on. When she got better, I told her because he was still babysitting me. So I told her and she didn't believe me. So you felt like you weren't protected. Right. So, but, um, you know, losing my babysitter, Becky, the one who saved me from, from him. Um, that was, I think that was probably one of the things that. How did she save you?

She literally saved me. I called her from his apartment and I was like, will you please come over here?

His name was Dr. Don. I don't give a fuck. Yeah. I don't even know if he's still alive now. Oh, if he is, I hope somebody fucking gets it. I feel like evil lives forever. It's crazy. He was pretty old then. Yeah. He was probably in his like late fifties at least. Oh, then hopefully he died a slow death. Yeah, hopefully. But, uh, you know, I called her and I was like, Hey, will you please come get me from Dr. Don's apartment? And she came over and he had me sitting in his lap and I was just,

like blink twice for help you know I was giving her that look and she saw it and she grabbed and she was like you know what I'm just gonna take Jesse to my apartment you don't even need to babysit her anymore I'll take over from here and I never had to stay with him again oh that is so sweet I think I was about 10 years old when she died of a brain aneurysm god that's gotta be so I think that might have been you know now that I'm looking back that might have been that me entering into my

into my villain era. Right. No, definitely. I knew there had to have been something that triggered it because, you know, I know we're born rebels, but the drug use, you were numbing something, you know, something sort of was hurting you or something. I think I just didn't want to be here in any way that I could. Rightfully so. If you think about it, Jesse, you were getting molested.

The one person that actually protected you that wasn't your mom fucking came and saved you and then she passes away. Like that's fucking brutal, man. Like you got to realize that that's very traumatic and that's something that you've gone through and it's affected your life. You know, I like to try to, you know, push it away. Yeah. I just push it away. There's no point in thinking about the sad stuff. You know, I get it, but I will give you this advice and I gave the same advice to trashly and

I never dealt with depression until I hit 40 years old and two days after I hit 40 years old, granted. Okay. Like I had 40 years old, January 22nd, January 24th. I was, I had a suicidal depression that I had never dealt with in my life and it was fucking terrible. It was horrific. And all the trauma that I fucking never dealt with, I had for the next, literally I've been on my spiritual journey from 2020 till now and

I'm a completely different human. If you would have met me last year, I was a shell of a human because I had so much anxiety and just so much depression that I was going through and it was a battle, but you have to deal with it sometime in your life because if not, it comes out in other ways. You'll deal with it when you want to. I'm not preaching to you, but...

you'll know when it's time for you to work through it and to when you're going to have to revisit it and stuff like that. And when you do, I have a great therapist who can help you and you can do zoom calls with them and everything. He's great. And I've trust me, I fucking did the dirty work because finding a fucking therapist that actually like you want around you and like to be able to confide in and like in anything like that, it's really hard. You have to date your therapist, you know?

And date in quotations, not really date them. Um, but you know, to find somebody that you trust and that can help you actually really work through shit. So whenever you're ready. So, um, moving on to your military thing, uh, when did you get to go? Did you ever really get to go? After my major drug bender, that's when I decided to do crystal meth. So right after I was. I used to smoke it. Man, I'd snorted, smoke it, whatever. However I could get it in my face, I'd eat it on a burrito. Yeah.

Yeah. But, uh, meth is, I, I overdosed on her brother, dude. I overdone it. Weird uncle. Yeah. Weird uncle. Fucking I overdosed on glass. I did six lines of glass in this nostril, six lines of glass in this nostril. And when I tell you that that was the fucking, uh,

defining moment of my life that something was fucking wrong dude and i still kept doing drugs afterwards but i'll never forget how i felt when i overdosed on glass it was terrible um so you went on this drug bender you fucking are doing meth yeah i i ended up overdosing on pills oh what kind on top of my house and just ate a handful of fucking pills it's like lortabs and oxycontin fucking

Xanax, Perksets, fucking just a handful of pills. - Smorgasbord. - Yeah, I just fucking ate all of them and I was in the hospital for two weeks. - Oh my God, what happened? - I was trying to not be here anymore. - No, I get that. What happened when you took the pills? Did you pass out? - Yeah, I actually, I had the phone, the cordless phone back when we used house phones up there with me. That was like my spot. I hung out on top of my house a lot. - Yeah.

So apparently my cousin called me and she somehow talked me down from on top of the house. And I walked in front door and just collapsed and started seizing out and throwing up. And my mom sent me to the hospital. I called the ambulance and shit. And that was a, that was a defining moment for sure. You know, I kind of, I kind of slowed down a little bit. I was still, I was still doing drugs after that. I went and spent a little bit of time with my dad. Um,

But so you're you met dad when I was 14 14. Okay. I told my mom if she didn't help me find him that I was gonna go find him myself and I ran away enough times at that point. She knew I was not fucking around. Right? Being an adult has its high points like you can eat ice cream for dinner anytime or if you want to stay up all night you can but it's not always fun. You also have to do your taxes and figure out what's for dinner every freaking night. I

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So what was it like meeting your dad for the first time? I'm a clone. Oh, do you guys still have a relationship now? Oh yeah. He's my best friend. Oh, we love dad. Yeah. We love dad. Like I said, I felt like the stork dropped me off, you know? And when I met my dad, I'm a clone. He's this big, tall, broad shouldered, redheaded, very handsome fella. Mom's hot. Dad's hot. Charming. Thank you.

but uh he's very charming like I see where I get it from you know we I really am a replica of this man but um was it easy when you first met him did it just like or was it like an awkward stage after you met him well I was you know I grew up just like this feral child in the woods yeah quite literally right that's where I spent all my time and um

He had built a multi-million dollar seafood company. So he was doing quite well for himself. And he came down and he looked at me. He was sitting in my front yard. We were busting open Dungeness crab. He brought me some seafood. I love seafood. Couldn't afford it. So he brought me some crab and he looked at me. He said, baby, do you realize that you live in poverty? I knew I was poor. I didn't know I was that poor, but I was.

So did your mom just hide you from him or she just never told him she was pregnant? Man, their story. It's crazy. My mom won a bikini contest behind a hotel in Panama City Beach. And my dad, my dad's a successful realtor. Yeah. Real estate. He's been pretty.

pretty high profile developer in Tallahassee. I don't want to say too much about his past, but my dad embodied the bad boy image. He was, he was a gangster a little bit, you know, um, my dad was badass. Um, I don't know where I get it from. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but my mom won a bikini contest out of thousands of women, uh, spring break, 1982, uh, Panama city beach. My mom won the contest and my dad said, I want that one. He got her.

And I was probably conceived that night. Oh, gotcha. So it was a spring break fling, kind of. Yeah, they went to, my dad had some business to attend to in Texas. And he told my mom she couldn't go. And she said, I'm going. He said, you're not going. She said, I'm going. She went. And then he went to handle some things, say that. And he came back and my mom was on the hood of a cop car.

Two men had gotten to a fight at the bar over her because she wanted to go with him to the business meeting. And he said, no, here's some money. Go to the bar. Do your thing. Two guys got into a fight over at the bar and one of them left in the cop car and one of them left in an ambulance. Oh, no. My dad woke her up the next morning and said, you can go anywhere you want, but you can't stay here. Oh. So she said, well, I'm pregnant. He was like, what?

I don't believe you. She, my mom destroyed her inside. She shot herself in the stomach in her early twenties. So all the doctors said that she wouldn't be able to have kids. It was impossible. She told my dad that story. So they didn't use any contraceptives. So, uh, you know, she went to Bakersfield, California and she called him again. She said, Andy, I'm pregnant. And he was like, I don't believe you, but here's some more money. Here's some more money and, um, good luck.

If you ever try to contact me again, you will be speaking to my attorney. She was like, all right, fuck you then. And she raised me until I was 14. And I was like, if you don't help me find him, I'm going to find him. And that brings us to me finding him. So he was receptive and meeting you. Yeah. He, he genuinely didn't believe my mom. Good dude. Though. Finally, you know, like knowing the truth, like, oh shit, I really got a kid. Let me go meet my kid. Right. There is no need for a paternity test. Yeah. I'm literally just a fucking clone. Oh,

We have the exact same crooked teeth on our bottom row. I have my dad's arms and elbows and feet. Like it's weird. The shit we get from our dads. Right. Yeah. It's so weird. He made me a fucking linebacker. Whatever. Yeah.

So he looked at you and he said, baby, do you know that you live in poverty? What happens then? Does he take you guys out of that? He sure did. Oh, yep. He, uh, he got us an apartment in, uh, one of the fanciest neighborhoods in Tallahassee, Florida. It's called Kalarn. Anybody knows Tallahassee, you know, that's a fancy fucking area. Yeah. He got us a place there and he put me in, um, the,

one of the best schools around he took me shopping he got me you know geared up to look like one of the cool kids and finally I just wasn't that you know rough around the edges little poor kid I was one of the cool kids which was and as you know like your appearance your your clothes if I was wearing all Tommy Hilfiger back then they called me Tommy girl that was crazy for me I love

Were you still using drugs when you were in Florida or after you got taken out of Alabama? I don't think I've ever not smoked weed since I was 10 years old. Right. I was still, yeah, I was still dabbling. But nothing like after the overdose and stuff like that? Well, that was before the overdose. Okay, gotcha. So I was in a better place. I saw hope. I saw a different path. I saw potential. Yeah.

So I chilled a little bit, you know. Sometimes hope is all we need, you know. It really was. I was on the basketball team. I was a starting point guard for the varsity team. Like it was a whole new world. Yeah. And then him and my mom. My mom is a wonderful lady, but she is hard to have a conversation with sometimes. Some women just raise their voice real fast. She's one of them women. Quick-tempered.

I don't know if I'd say tempered. She's a very small woman. It's all vocal. It's never physical. She never physically did anything to me. She hollered at me like, hell, though.

She hollered at my dad just a couple too many times. And it was the most dramatic thing you'd ever seen. My mom's standing at the top of the stairs hollering at my dad. My dad's standing at the bottom stairs hollering at my mom. It's raining. It is like downpouring. It looked like a scene from a movie and I'm crying. I'm like, dad, please don't leave. Yeah. You're like, I just got you back. Right. And we were there for like maybe a year. Mm hmm.

Were they dating? Oh, no, not at all. He's remarried. Yeah, he was remarried when I met him. Well, that was nice of his wife to like, you know, because a lot of wives will not fucking...

Well, okay. She's like, no. She was cool. Like, Patty was cool. You know, we got, I could tell she didn't really care for me, though. Right. Just this little wild animal coming into their house. I had no home training at all. Right. But, you know, she stuck it out. She did good. And, you know, I've heard from multiple sources that, you know, my father and Patty never planned on having children.

Until I showed up. Next thing you know, I got a little brother.

So she wasn't going to let me have that spotlight for too long. No, but whatever, you know, I see what she went through and I see how women can be triggered emotionally. And if that's what she needed to feel secure in their relationship, then yeah. Good for her. I'm glad I have my little brother. He's awesome. He's almost as cool as I am. Oh, are you guys close? I wouldn't say like, I mean, yes and no, we don't really get to, he lives in Tallahassee. He's also a realtor. Um, uh,

very successful one at that so he's busy he just proposed to his girlfriend if you're listening bubba congratulations um but yeah he's a he's a great guy we don't get to communicate a lot because he's very busy i'm very busy and we live hours away from each other yeah but you know if he ever called me and said hey let's hang out i would i'd probably come hang out oh i love that so mom and dad are yelling at each other what happens after that moving truck showed up the next day

He was like, all right, you guys got to go. He gave me that trait. I'm real quick to just cut and dry. All right, it's over. Let it go. Just let go. So a moving truck showed up, and I remember him saying, I'm sorry, baby, but I got to put some distance between your mother and me. He sent you guys back to Alabama? Sure did. Oh, gosh. Back to that little shack. No. But, I mean, I can't blame him. My mother's the type of person that could...

make you do things that you wouldn't normally do. I just feel like that our generation of parents, um, didn't realize the trauma that they inflicted on us, you know? And I just feel like there's maybe he could have like put a mediator in between you guys instead of being so, um,

Right. You know, bringing a kid out, giving them the world and then fucking shipping them back. Like, I mean, you know, she's, she sued him for child support after she swore that she wouldn't, you know, he spent a lot of money moving us to Florida and paying the rent on the apartment and everything else. Um, I don't know. I think my mom just thought that like he owed, uh,

Right. I was happy. Yeah. You know, I was good. So she sued him for child support and that pissed him off pretty bad. So,

I was taken care of a little bit better financially. Right. You know, but that was... But still, you didn't have your dad. That sucked. Yeah, like, no amount of money can ever make up for, you know, having your... I still got to go to Florida from time to time and spend time with him. So, I mean, he always kept his foot to the pedal on our relationship. Yeah, that's good. So...

So you're back in Alabama. You're fucking just a wild hyena. Yeah. Back on drugs. And then this is after, this is when the overdose happens. Yeah. Okay. Yep. So you went to the hospital. You spent two weeks in the hospital. Were they holding you for like a mental hold or something? Yep. Okay. Yeah. I was in the ICU for two days. And then after that, you know, straight to the mental facility. Okay.

They thought you were trying to kill yourself or did you tell them you were trying to kill yourself? Um, I told them. Yeah. Cause I'm a genius. Yes. You never realize how much shit you're in until you're in the shit, you know? Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Yeah. I always let my mouth overload. Yeah. So what was that like? Oh,

Oh my God. I mean, just people who were just very emotionally unstable. Right. I actually met a girl. I kind of forgot about that. I met a girl in there. In the mental hospital? I don't remember her name. Oh, okay. But we were writing love letters back and forth to each other. I ended up, when we got out, we stayed in contact. I went over, I don't even remember where it was. I was in Birmingham somewhere. We met up and I kissed her one time. Oh.

I don't even remember her name. It was just like a little mental hospital love affair. Yeah, I love that. She said, I just met up with her and kissed her. Yeah, I did. That was it. I love that. So after you get out of the mental hospital, you're just like, bro, I need to change my life.

I met a girl. Okay. Not the mental hospital girl. Not the mental hospital girl. I met a girl and I'm still doing drugs. But I met this girl and she was, at that point in my life, she was probably the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. And she was married. One of my friends called me and said, Jessie, I met the girl of your dreams and you can't have her. Oh, what a dick. I was like, fuck you. And then I met her and I was like, fuck.

I'd never like... What's your type? Um...

Man, I mean, it depends. I've got kind of different branches of my type. Okay. Um, cause I know every girl right now listening wants to know what Jesse Lawless's type is. Well, I mean, especially now that you just announced your single, those DMs are about to be flooded. I mean, I feel like divinity was a 10. Yeah. No, she was beautiful. Um, I, I, um, is beautiful. Yeah. She's, she's a beautiful girl. Um,

I'd say, I mean, man, divinity is kind of the standard at this point, man. Oh,

I love dark hair. Yeah. I love light eyes. I love tan skin. Yes. I love tattoos. So kind of like your mom, right? The dark hair, like, you know, I, every dude, I've ever said that to me. She's like, you got fucking mommy issues. No, listen, I have daddy and mommy issues. It's okay. We, we love the issues around here, but I, all the dudes that I dated before Jay all looked like my dad, you know? So that sounds fucking weird.

Weird, Bill. Ew. But, you know, Bill's my dad. Oh, yeah. But, like, I love tall, dark-haired musicians. That's my shit. Yeah, I love tiny...

Little tan women. I love that. I've dated a lot of my exes have been biracial or mostly like Chloe was black. Mostly I'm just Dominican. I think her grandmother was mixed. Chloe was the one before Divinity, right? Correct. Okay. I think I might have seen something online about Chloe too. I don't think I've ever seen her, but I think I saw like a comment or something about her and I was just like, huh? But I, you know, I don't get into people's business.

So you met a girl. I did. Who was it? Her name was Shelby.

And she's, you know what? She's one of my absolute best friends to this day. That's so awesome. She broke my fucking heart. Son of a bitch. Isn't that crazy how it works? Like they break your heart and you still give them friendship for the rest of their lives. She's an incredible person. She, she never faltered. Like there, she didn't break up. Like we, she didn't break my heart cause she fucked up. She didn't like cheat on me or do anything like that. I was still fucked up. I was still fucking eating Xanax. Well, she was married, right? She left her husband for me.

me. Wow. You got it like that, Jesse? I believe, I don't know. I think the count's up to five now, women who have left their husbands. Wow. I love that. Oh man, it's rough. She left her husband. We were together for about a year and I just didn't get my shit together. Damn it. You were so young too. I was, I was like 18 years old, you know? Um, I met her,

right on either the day after or like the day before my birthday, my 18th birthday. And we moved to Florida and man, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I ain't even gonna lie. That girl is the best thing that ever happened to me. Um,

That's crazy that you can still say that this long. A hundred percent. Yeah. After her daughter was like two, like just barely two years old at the time. Obviously if you get left for a lesbian, you're going to be bitter as fuck. So the kid's dad, um, who's a total piece of shit. I'm not going to get into that because that's not my business to tell. Right. But, um, he, uh, he was trying to take, he was threatening to take the kid away. Right.

Because in the 90s, that was still... A big deal. Yeah, that was a possibility. Oh, you're a lesbian? We're going to take your fucking kids. You're a bad parent. Yeah. So when he started threatening to take the kid, Shelby couldn't. She was like, I love you, but you're a fucking psychopath and you're putting me in jeopardy.

Like, if they see your behavior. Right. You're going to get my kid taken from me. I understand that. Yeah. I get it. I 100% got it. And I was just. She never got back together with him, did she? She did. Damn it. She did. After we broke up, we, uh, she got back together with him for like six months. Yeah. It might've been like a year or something like that. I didn't really keep up. But, um, yeah, they broke up again and I was like, yeah.

I don't even care if I'm with her or not. I'm just glad that he's not. Yeah, just a douchebag. She was a piece of shit. But she's a wonderful person. And she stayed close to me. You know, if I ever needed anything, she literally drove across the state of Florida one time because I needed her. My car broke down like in Tampa or some shit. And she came and like rescued me. When's her birthday? Today.

October the 10th. Oh, Libra. Aquarius Libra. Nope, I lied. It's the 13th, October 13th. Libra. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, she's incredible. I love her. I love you, Shelby. Ah, Shelby, we love you. So after the breakup, what happens then? Is that when you go off to the military? Um, no, I kind of settled in, you know, and just established myself. She had really taught me

you know, the, the foundation of being an adult, you know, she kind of showed me what she helped me. She older than you? She was 23. Okay. At the time I was, I just turned 18. So she kind of like taught me how to open up a bank account and stuff like that. Um, she made me save money. Yeah. When, when we broke up, she sent me away with like 1200 bucks. Oh, she's like, here, you saved this much money. Cause I would just come home and give her my check and

And she would cash it and, you know, put the money in the drawer. To save it for you. Yeah. She was awesome, man. I love that. So she sent me away, like, I think it was like $1,200 or some shit. And I don't know, man. I think after that, I just tried to, like, be better. Like, I saw I had hope. I had hope again. Yeah.

You know, I had a job. Couldn't get a job in the town I grew up in because you either were, you either owned the coal mines or you worked in the coal mines. Right. Kids can't work in the coal mines. No. So, um, you know, it's a tough job for anybody, much less a fucking child. Right. So, um,

I had a job. I had money. I saw potential. You know, I work harder. I get more money. And that's when everything kind of started to click. But I'd always wanted to be a soldier. I always wanted to be a hero. I just wanted to be somebody's hero. I was obsessed with that. Right, Becca? Right. Like Becky. Becky was for you. Becky was my hero. Mm-hmm.

So I didn't care like what avenue I had to take to be a hero. I just wanted to be a hero and I wanted, I'd really prefer to do it in a really cool uniform. Yeah. Just be a badass. Yeah. I just wanted to embody. Soldiers are badasses, dude. Dude, I fucking lied my ass.

ass off about so much shit when I was a teenager. Like I made things up because I just wanted to sound cool. Right. You know, and at some point I was like, I'm going to stop lying and I'm going to do the cool shit so that I'll stop getting caught in these

embarrassing lies of trying to like portray something that you weren't. Right. So instead of, uh, trying to pretend to be the thing that I wanted to be, I became it. Yeah. So I went in, uh, I mean, I enlisted, I got into another relationship with a woman who left her husband, um,

For me, they were married for 10 years. That is your repertoire. Man, it's really not. She's like, I don't want to be in these love triangles anymore. And Deb, we love Deb. We love her. Deb was after Shelby. I've had these incredible women come into my life and just like take care of me. You know, structure me, teach me. Deb was 30. Wow. And I was 19. And we were together for five years. Wow.

Yeah, she taught me so much. You know, she taught me how to balance my checkbook. She taught me how to put my shoes away instead of just, like, leaving them in the middle of the living room. You know, she's like, I got two kids. I don't need another one. Pick your shit up. Oh, I love that. My mom didn't have money, so she just babied me. Right. I never had to do chores. I never had to do anything. I just had to go to church. Aww.

So Deb was awesome. We love Deb. I think mom might've felt a little guilt too for being sick and you know, I can see that for sure. Yeah. You know, so she probably just wanted you to just have, you already had it hard enough. She didn't want to make it hard for you at home like that. And I got bullied so bad at that stage of my life. I came home crying pretty much every day. Yeah, for sure. Okay. Deb. And then you wanted to go off and you wanted to be somebody else's hero. Explain to us how,

you're, you know, going into the military? Um, I told, I told Deb, I was like, I really, I just, I really feel like I'm supposed to be a soldier. Like I really want to do this. And

I wanted to be a Marine. That was my first choice. And she was like, listen, if you're going to run off to be a bullet catcher, can you not be one of the first bullet catchers? She was like, the Marines are the first one to go. They're in the most danger, you know, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, it depends on your job. Yeah. She wasn't buying it. She was like, um, what about the air force? You know, she really tried to help guide me in my decision. And I wish I would have chosen the air force, honestly, because, um,

the army was kind of a shit show. Yeah. It's all dangerous, right? Like, is there really a safe space when you're in the service? Air force is, I mean, it depends on the job. Yeah. It really depends on the job because there are people in the air force that have a more dangerous job than some people in the Marines. Right. Um, it's just dependent on your MOS. Mm.

Gotcha. I was a 63 Juliet, which is a quartermaster in chemical equipment repair. Wow. So I worked on like the electrical interfaces of like water purification systems and smoke generators, heating and air, you know, washers and dryers. Like I was a glorified Maytag man. Yeah. But I did all the, I was a fancy mechanic. Glorified Maytag man. No. So,

um how long did you serve for I was only in a year okay I um I hurt myself in basic oh but I wouldn't go to sick call because what's sick call it's the I'm hurt help me oh gotcha gotcha you know I don't really like doctors yeah well so rightfully so I uh like you know you gotta you

If you got to get fixed, that's where you go. And I didn't want to go because I knew that my injury could be significant enough for me to be recycled, which means you don't graduate basic. You got to stay back, heal up and do it again. And I was like, fuck that. What kind of injury was it? Hip. Oh, fuck.

Femur, tibia. I had stress fractures. Oh, shit. Like from my hip to my ankle. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I looked like one of them vases that are just crackled. Shit. How did you do that? Carrying too much weight. Just kind of being too gung-ho. I was always the...

front of the pack. I pushed really hard. Yeah. And when I went into basic, I was 117 pounds. When I came out, I was like 155. Just muscle. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, I was pretty frail at first and I just, my body couldn't take it. You know, I pushed too hard. I was more mentally strong than I was physically. Mind over matter. Yeah. So, I mean, but you gave it your all. I did indeed. Did they do honorable discharge? Yeah. I got a general, a lot happened.

Yeah, I finished basic. I got to AIT. I got to AIT and I was all right. Like I was all right enough until we got to phase five. And that's when like you get to wear civilian clothes and go off base and drink. You get some like regular human privileges back. So I really wanted that. And my phase five PT test was coming up and I knew I was hurt. But I also knew that.

I had to take this test. Right. And my drill sergeant was like, lawless. Why are you falling out of formation? I'm like, listen, drill sergeant, my, my, my, my legs hurting real bad. I just, I'm not real sure what it is, but I have my PT test tomorrow. So I don't want to go to sick call. She goes, no private. You got to go to sick call. I was like, please don't make me go to sick call right now. I promise I'll go to sick call tomorrow after my, after I finished my PT test.

You know, you got to get in your class A's and B's, expected and all this stuff and answer questions about America and shit. She was like, you're not going to pass your PT test private. You got to run two miles. I was like, watch me. I ran two miles in 17 flat on pretty much a broke hip. Golly. Yeah, I didn't give a fuck. I was drinking beer. Oh, my God.

You're a fucking animal. So I went to Sitka. I got their x-rays back. They were like, you're fucked up. You can't carry any weight at all. You don't get to even carry your weapon. Like, no way. Like, you're going to shatter it any minute now. Oh, God. You're lucky you didn't. I had already been invited to go airborne and air assault. Yeah. Which are two very prestigious honors to be, you know, 82nd airborne and 101st.

dude, I was so excited about that. Like, I'm like, I'm doing the thing. I'm going to be a badass. And then they were like, my drill sergeant came to me and she was like, private, you can't jump out of an airplane. Oh,

Oh, yeah. You'll fucking hurt yourself even more. So I was supposed to graduate with prestigious honors from AIT, but I failed my test. My last test, I shocked myself doing like the physical test. And my fucking instructor wouldn't let me retake the test. He told everybody else in the class, you can retake the test, but you can't get more than 70%. He would not let me retake. I was cocky. I was an asshole. I understand why he was hard on me.

But even if he would have let me retake the test to get 70%, I would have graduated with honors. I graduated third in my AIT class. And I went to Fort Hood and I was supposed to deploy and they told me to go to Sitco.

Get x-rayed. I didn't. She said I didn't. They told me to go do it again. I still didn't. I'm pretty sure my squad leader just drove me there herself. Yeah, I was just like, we got to figure this out. And the x-rays came back and they were like, I was supposed to deploy like two weeks from that moment. They were like, you can't deploy. I'm like, what the fuck am I here for? What am I doing here? I'm not here to clean up the grease spots off your motor pool floor and pick the fucking weeds out of your flower garden. Get the fuck off me, man. Give me some good shit. Like, send me over there, dude.

And they wasn't. So in true Jesse Lawless fashion, I threw a fit because I was still a fucking child and I got real fucked up and I was spending all my time at a strip club. I met a real pretty girl there. But you're still with Deb, right? No, we broke up. Okay, you and Deb broke up. We broke up when I came out of AIT. Okay, gotcha. So...

I, uh, I got real, you know, I got real involved in the strip club scene. I made some new friends. Yes. Having a blast. Oh my God. And, uh, strip clubs are where it happens. In Texas closes at like 3am. Yeah. Um, formations at five, six, just depending on your, your squad leader. I danced in Austin, uh, at the Palazzo. I think that's what it's called. Sixth street. Yeah. Oh yeah. Austin's dope. But, uh, you know, we, uh,

We parted our faces off quite often and I showed up to formation, you know, 0600. My squad leader was like, hey, Lawless, are you fucked up right now? And I was like, nope. And she was like, hey guys, hey.

Called everybody to attention. We were going to run a mile today, but Private Lawless is fucked up, so we're going to run six. Oh, no. I threw up the whole time. And she told me, if you ever come to my formation again, I promise you, I will take you to the MP station. And I did it again about a week later. Ha, ha, ha.

It's never, it's like you can't tell an Aquarius not to do something. We're going to do it again. And she was not fucking around. I fucked around and I found out and I did 30 days in jail. Oh no. Took me straight to the MP station. I think I, I don't know what I blew, but it was way over the limit. Wow.

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Yeah. So I'm in jail. I got out of general under honorable discharge. They understood like they, they honestly were pretty like lenient with my situation. Cause I was a good soldier. I was a good soldier. I just, I was an asshole. I'm sure they knew. There's a lot of soldiers that are assholes. I'm sure. I told my first sergeant to get in the front leaning rest one time. Oh no. Yeah. That didn't go over well. I was going to say, I couldn't imagine him or her being. I was an article 15. Yeah.

So you get discharged, honorably discharged. And again, thank you for your service. It is Veterans Day today. What happens next? What does Jesse Lawless do next? Goodness, Lord. Oh, I went back to Alabama. I was trying to really reconnect with my mom. You know, she had gotten married. She was doing really well. Her husband was a millionaire. Yeah.

Uh, he owned a coin and jewelry shop, rare collectibles. One thing about mom, she's going to figure it out. Mom has never married, not a millionaire, except for that one guy, Fred, that Fred, he, I, we didn't like Fred. Oh, fuck Fred. I mean, Fred like didn't ever do anything wrong, but I don't know. Fuck Fred. Fuck Fred. Um, but she, Janet always married. Well, good. You know, she always married. Well, um,

But she had gotten married. She was doing real well. I was like, I don't know what I'm about to do. I just got out of the Army. I was planning on being in the Army for like ever. So what do I do now? She's like, well, come work with us at the coin and jewelry shop. So I learned how to appraise diamonds. And I know a lot about...

sports memorabilia. I got to learn a lot about the history of the United States. Some of the items that I held in my hand in that shop were just like mind-blowing. Wow. So that was a really cool experience. Did you manage to stay off drugs or did you ever, yeah? Oh yeah, by that time I was good to go. You're good to go. Good. 100% good to go. By the time I joined the military I was like

okay, I've been a complete fuck off for my whole life. So we're going to do good now. And that's when I decided to not be a whole ass fuck off. Yeah. Right. Just a half. Yeah.

Just a little bit. Just a little sprinkle here and there. The attitude will never get rid of. That's awesome. So you're doing jewelry. You're doing all that. Like, you know, what are some highlights from then until, you know? My mom developed a nonprofit organization. I was her vice president. I still am on the books, but I don't think the company exists anymore. If it does, I'm still the vice president, but we don't know if it's still there. She's certainly not running it. Right. Yeah.

We got hit by an F4 and F5 tornado. It made an X on the town we lived in. I was pretty much in charge of all of the relief effort that my mom had signed us up for. And, I mean, I'm taking motorcycle trailers full of diapers, water, just all the things that you need after a disaster like that. And then my mom just...

left my stepdad I had a um a BMW 325i and she wanted one of those yeah she's like I like Jesse's car yeah and uh Doug was like well you know um we'll we'll look into that and I found one online I was like mom this is a cool car like I did research I looked into the people who were selling it and stuff I was like this is a cool car she told Doug like I want this car

And he didn't want to buy that for her. He wanted to do more research. Doug's a very thorough man, you know. He was an absolute angel. We love Doug. Aw, shout out, Doug. So he did not get her. He bought her an Audi A4. A4? A6? A fancy car. Right. A beautiful Audi. Audis are expensive. Yeah, Audis are nice. And she didn't like it. He bought her the wrong car, so she left him. Mom! Mom!

And now she's going to tell you there's a lot more to that story. That's it. Mom, I listen. I, I'm never going to say anything bad about mom. Cause I think she's awesome for raising you, but mom, what the hell? I mean, she'd come home to like two dozen long stem roses with a little card that would say, I hope you had a good day, miss baby.

We love mom too. Mom's going to get real pissed if she hears me saying I love Doug. So her and Doug never got back together. No, they did not get back together. Damn, mom's stuck to her guns. Janet does not fuck around. Yeah. Well, I wonder where she, that's where you got it from too. Yeah, I got it. From both sides. Both sides. I hadn't, there was no way to avoid it. So let's move forward. When did you get on TikTok? Yeah.

I did not want to be on TikTok. Me either. I fought everything inside me. Me too. Are we not a lot alike? It's crazy, dude. Literally. I fought Mimi. I was like, I am fucking 40 years old. I am not getting on fucking TikTok. So are you like her assistant? Manager. Manager. I love that. That's awesome. So manager and hairdresser. She owns a salon. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah. My assistant at the time was like, you need to be on TikTok. And I was like, no. And they, they,

now at the time they were not they they were it doesn't matter I'm still learning all of this but I should they taught me a lot right it was a hard journey but you know I always try to keep an open mind and I want to I want to respect people as much as I can right um I I don't care what you want to be called I'm going to call you what you want to be called yeah absolutely so um

So they taught me a lot about, you know, that whole thing. But back to TikTok, they were like, you need to be on TikTok. Like, your haircuts are fucking fire and you could easily go viral. Right. And I was like, no. And they were like, again, like, you really need to be on TikTok. And I was like, what?

Maybe you can like download it. I'm not downloading it. You can upload the content for me. You can make a page and you can post videos of my shit. I'm not putting the app on my phone. That's exactly what I told her. I was like, I will be the source of your content. I'll be your muse. I'm not doing it. Right. And they were like, all right, fine.

just like a couple weeks. They've been managing my TikTok. It's doing pretty well. I think I had gone to like 5 or 6,000 in just like a couple of weeks. And I got banned on Facebook for posting a picture of Mark Zuckerberg in a Hitler costume.

right it was basically like a picture of hitler and then they just like super important post yeah took my whole fucking page down and that's what i use for all my hair networking facebook is hometown right you know um so i was pretty much small town famous just for like the shit that i did with hair right um yeah facebook doesn't fuck with me either i'm always in trouble with them so as soon as my shit came down i was i couldn't get my page back i come to micah and i'm like

So what's up with this TikTok thing? And they were like, you actually have a viral video right now and you're about to hit 10K followers. And I was like,

wow, that I didn't, I didn't even realize the potential of TikTok. I was like, wow, 10,000 followers. Yeah. I'm famous. No, I was the same way. I literally, um, I think didn't my Instagram get taken down? And then that's when I was like, so what's up with fucking TikTok? And then I went over there and I start browsing and I was like,

I forgot what got me addicted, but I think I had like a hundred thousand followers or something. Like for some reason it's always followers are, have been easy for me to get. And so when I saw that, I was like, holy shit. Cause it's taken me fucking nine years on fucking Instagram to even reach almost a million, you know, like it's just two different platforms. You over here. You're right, baby. It's like it's on logs.

So I remember I saw that and I was like, holy shit. And then I just got looped into the fucking wormhole, dude. Yeah. I never was like a scroller or like a watcher. You know, they were like, you're going viral right now. And somebody said something about my dreads. And so, I mean, I don't understand the PC of TikTok at this point. I had only been on Facebook and in real life where people just...

don't say that shit to your fucking face. No, it's crazy. Keyboard fucking warriors, man. It's crazy. So somebody said something about my dress and I clapped back, but like very gracefully. Right. You know, I was like, don't you think that we have enough shit, enough division in our country? Like everybody's mad at everybody for everything. Like, do you really need to, is this, is my hair okay?

That big of an issue? That big of a deal? It's my hair. It's my hair. You ain't got to wear it. It's not yours. It's mine. Not making anybody else do it. What the fuck? But the way I approached it, I was like, hey, I hope that you find a place to...

put your energy into that's more productive than, you know, talking shit about my hair on Tik TOK. Yeah. And everybody was like, Oh my God, she just burned the shit out of this fucker. And she barely cussed. Yeah. And then that's what I did. That's how I clap back. I never cussed at him. I'm always just like, and then one thing led to another and people, every time somebody would say something snarky or something rude, I would just kind of bend them over my knee and spank them on the button virtually. Yeah. You know? And, um,

People loved that. Yeah. I used to be very opinionated. Right. So that we kind of mentioned it to you whenever you first came in. When you came onto the scene on TikTok, you were more of a political. I didn't mean to be. Right. But do you think that maybe because being in the, you know, in the service, maybe that is why?

Where it came from or no? Nobody knew I was in the army. Oh, okay. Gotcha. I made a video basically saying like, cause I, it was gay pride month and this is the first thing I got canceled for. I mean, cancel like five fucking times. You know what? It's just like I told Kelsey when she came on, nobody ever really gets fucking canceled. Right. Literally. You might get like, you're in trouble for like fucking a month or two and then it just fucking blows over. Right. So, um,

What was I saying? You were talking about this was the first time you got canceled. Yeah. So I made a video basically saying like, I see all these gay pride videos coming across my page and I'm like, why are all these people whining? What's going on right now? Like what, is there something I don't know? Like, did I miss something on the news? And so I made a video. I was like, listen guys, we have lit the white house up with rainbow colors. We can get married now.

In pretty much every state, I'm pretty sure at this point, there's nowhere that we can't get married. There's nowhere where our love is not recognized. I fought...

for equality. I fought to be able to walk down the street holding my girlfriend's hand and not get like a milkshake thrown at me or somebody trying to fucking fight me. I didn't mean to. I steal wives, motherfucker. I did not need to be celebrated. You know, and I kind of said that. I was like, we fought this battle. We fought this battle in the 90s. Yeah. Like Andrew Shepard, you know, like we've done this. Like why?

Why is everybody so upset? And I said at the end of it, I was like, at the end of the day, like you can have your rainbows and glitter. My pride flags, red, white and blue. Everybody lost their fucking minds, but they did. I don't even think they knew at that point that I was a veteran. Right. You know, and I was a lot more proud of the little bit of service that I did. You know, I was proud of what the army taught me. I didn't get to go over to the sandbox. But what you said wasn't bad. Right.

They lost their fucking minds, man. And I said it a couple more times and then I started being inflammatory. Right. I started seeing, I got, it got the best of me. I started seeing the views go up and I was like, I'm just going to poke at these motherfuckers. Right. And it was a mistake. Right. It was a mistake. Um, they're just, they're literally a fucking hornet's nest. They're waiting to attack anybody. A hundred percent. If it's not you, it's the next person. Like they just want to be pissed off about something.

So that kind of brought me into political TikTok and you know, people started asking. I don't ever want to be on political TikTok. They're scary. I was deep in there for a second and I didn't, I was there before I knew it. Right. And it was just because I was a lesbian who was, you know, pro second amendment, um, very fuck around and find out, like, I don't fucking care about your feelings. Let's not wrap ourselves up in an emotional burrito. Let's fucking do shit. Yeah. You know? Um,

And I guess the conservative community really liked that. Yeah. It was appealing. Oh, you're everything. They would love to have represent them because it makes them look better. Exactly. You know, and at this point, like, I know gun-toting liberals...

that I get along with quite nicely. And I know some pussy ass fucking conservatives. And that's not necessarily say that the whole party are those two things. Cause that's very opposite from the stereotype, but I don't fucking care who you voted for. I don't care who you love or what you got in your pants or what you're going to have in your pants next week. I don't fucking care. Are you good to the elderly, the disabled, the,

and waitresses who wait on you for your food. Like just how do you treat people in general? I'm going to say something about that. That was my first red flag with divinity. Oh, I'm a big tipper. Yeah. I take a lot of pride in that. I think that especially after the pandemic and everything, these, uh,

these servers are out here. Bartenders are busting their ass. Even if you're a fucking barista at a coffee shop, like you're doing everything you can to survive. We tipped our Instacart driver $200 the other day. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Cause they were homeless. Oh my God. I wanted to give her a thousand, but we couldn't get her fucking cash app. Damn. I know I felt so bad, but I tipped this one Instacart chick in fucking when we were in Denver. She was like,

She fucking went through great lengths to bring me just bottles of water and I tipped her like fucking 300 bucks. That's awesome. I just feel like, you know, they're in the service industry, but divinity isn't a good tipper or she just doesn't treat you. She called me on it. She was like, why are you such a big, you need to stop spending so much money tipping these people. Like you just give them like a dollar and move on. Oh no. You know? And I was like,

Like we got into it. Yeah. Like that was my first big red flag. I was like, I can't be with somebody who has a problem with me trying to bless other people. Cause that's my whole thing. Yes. That's my whole,

fucking thing i love blessing people i love knowing that i was the reason why you smiled today even if it's because i contributed to your life financially right yeah that's a big red flag somebody who doesn't want you to i when i first got with jay he used to give away money all the time too and i would just be like babe you know it's your money do whatever you want to do with it but like you know you don't have to do that and then now i come i'm i'm just like him i just want to fucking help everybody around me that's in my circle and anybody that we can help

So yeah, I mean, maybe divinity wasn't raised that way. I think it's also taught to maybe or no, I don't know. I got no idea. I'm trying to think of an excuse for. I know. I feel bad. So after you finally get away from political TikTok, do you start still growing on TikTok? Like tell me how TikTok has changed your life. All right. So my page came down. My first page was at 350. We all lost our fucking first pages. Yeah.

And then I made another one. And a couple weeks after that, I think I hit like 85K. It came down. And I made another one. It's still sitting at like 98K. Never went anywhere. Yeah. We had my first podcast page did that.

really literally sat and would not get views wouldn't get nothing dude and it's just sitting at a hundred thousand yeah like if you look at the analytics on the my other page there's not even a for you analytic oh shit they're like this bitch does not get any for you time nothing like literally it was all like it wasn't even there yeah like there wasn't even like a zero percent right nothing yeah so um i was like all right well

Fuck it. Let's make a new one. And this page that I just made went from zero to a million in six weeks. Wow. So this is a new page that you have. Brand new page. Wow. Yeah. I was wondering where you went. It was actually four weeks because I got, I caught a permanent ban and I hired a fucking lawyer. Shout out to Braun law for getting my fucking page back. She got my shit back.

And, uh, and I hit it. It was altogether four weeks, not including the two week ban, including it six. Wow. That's crazy. I didn't know lawyers could get pages back, but now that we know that that's always amazing. She's a badass. Yeah. If I ever need them, I'm going to be, you need her. I'm going to be hitting you up for sure. I get scared all the time. They fucking took my main page in June saying that I was underage.

What? Yeah, saying that I'm 13. Do I look like I'm fucking 13? Like flattered. I mean, maybe a little bit. Stop it. I was like flattered, but no. Give me my fucking page back. So literally, I raised so much fucking hell. They gave me my page back within six hours. Wow. Yeah, I was very, very lucky. Are you not verified on TikTok? Oh, TikTok. Well, I have...

in People Magazine, Jay and I have tons of articles on the internet. The podcast is huge, over a million downloads a month. Fucking, they will not verify me. And I think it's because I'm a sex worker. Literally, even though that's not, I don't even represent any part of my sex work on fucking TikTok. I have my whole other brand. I have two brands. I have,

porn star bunny and then I have fucking this you know business bunny and I think that that stigma just follows me no matter what when they start diving deep I have articles that talk about you know former escort took her implants out and stuff like that so I think that that has followed me and they won't fucking verify me they're very against sex workers fuck them I know well

but you know what can you do hopefully they'll verify me soon we're gonna we just keep resubmitting we're just like hey maybe one day somebody will fucking verify me my backup page just hit a million so i'm just like bro how what more do i gotta do right whose dick do i gotta suck around here okay like come on just fucking verify my page so what has tiktok done to change your life like are you a full-time creator now are you still do hair i'm still doing hair okay um i

I'm trying to like, if I can get like a thousand subscriptions, cause you know, they got the live subscriptions. I just told everybody, I'm like, when I hit a thousand live subscriptions, I'm going to quit my job and I'm just going to travel around and do hair for free. But I can't do hair for free if I don't have income otherwise. Right. And I'm pretty close. I'm getting pretty close, but, um, not to a thousand subscribers, but being able to find a, a route, right. You know, to have income, um,

other than my hair career. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, so, um, that's the goal. I'm actually, uh,

Recently, one of my bigger brand deals, it was just supposed to be a brand deal. And the next thing you know, I'm part owner of a coffee company. Yay. Oh, is that the coffee you brought? Yes. Oh, very cool. So tell us about that. Savage Dip Coffee. It's premium fucking shit. Like when they hit me up on Cameo, because that's how they found me. They were like, hey, make this video. Like they did like the whole paid business advertisement video. It was like 350 bucks or something. I was like, I'm gonna make this one good. And I read all the things they wanted me to say. And I was like...

I'm not going to say that. I've never drink your coffee. I don't even know what your shit tastes like. Right. So I said something really short and sweet and they were like, we love that. I'm sorry for telling you your job. I was like, glad you like it. So I ended up like getting really close with the owner. Like he's almost like a fucking brother to me at this point. But he, um,

He was like, you know, we wanted to offer you a brand deal. We talked, I told him about the things that I was doing. Um, I just moved a young man from Louisiana to Florida to try to give him a better life. And they were like, we love what you do. We love the charity that you do. Um, we would actually like to make you a better offer. And they offered me equity in the company. So, um, I've been busting my ass for him. Uh, girl, you're going to be drinking coffee every day on tech talk. Well, I'm doing a lot of behind the scenes work too. You know, I'm,

Working with anybody that I can in my community to carry Savage Tip Coffee. One of my best friends just opened a gun range and he's carrying it. They're selling it retail and also serving it and it's getting great reviews so far. Love. It's like grown in volcanic soil at like 1,500 to 2,000 meters. Like it's pretty fancy coffee.

Nice. We're going to give it a taste, too. I have to drink, like, minimal coffee because I have really bad anxiety. But Mimi's a coffee drinker. She'll fucking drink the shit out of some coffee. So I'll definitely take a sip of hers and let you know what I think about it. Hell yeah. I'm excited. That's really cool. She gets fucking coffee deals. I get fucking sex doll deals. Like, what the hell is going on? I can never...

get fucking cool shit. It's always fucking just weird shit. Maybe we can work out a coffee deal. There you go. There you go. I'm telling you, man, it's just always fucking weird shit. But I literally turn down every offer that I get. I don't know why. I'm just that person. Like if I don't fucking believe in something, I will not represent it. I've said a hundred times.

I still got a little bit of cocky in me, I guess. But I've turned down more brand deals than most people have been offered. Yeah. Because I won't do it if I don't believe in it. Right. Yeah. Same. I literally have emails every day and I'm just like, delete, delete, delete. Like, I just can't do it.

So what do you think 2023 is going to bring for Jesse Lawless? Now that you're single, ready to mingle, you got a fucking coffee brand, you're fucking, you know, doing your thug thizzle on fucking TikTok. The sky's the limit. You know, I've, I've always had a lot of confidence. And everything that I've ever said that I was going to do has happened. I said that I was going to make a million dollars this year.

It's the year's not over yet. We still got a little bit of time left. Keep speaking it in your life. Keep living your life like you've already made that million dollars. That's it. It's a funny story. After the breakup and everything, I went to the mall and this just caught my eye. Because if I ever did decide to

become part of the Institute of marriage. This is what I would want. This is, this would be, you know, so is that a wedding ring that you bought? No, it's, it was a $40 costume jewelry ring that was in one of those little things in the mall. But I'm like, you know what? I'm married to my goddamn self now. Yeah. I'm the bitch I'm working for. I'm the bitch that I'm taking care of. And at the end of the day, when you, when you don't have anybody else, you got yourself. So, um, and the institution of marriage isn't bad. If you find somebody who's as free as you,

Because Jay and I are both... We do not want to be tied down. Like, that's not our thing. And fucking... We make it work, dude. And you end up just being married to your fucking homie. Like, your best friend. That's what I want. Yeah. And that's really what it is. People get so hung up on the romance and the passion and all that shit. No. I want a fucking BFF. And the other shit comes...

after that you know I'm committing to six months single do it I'm gonna hold you to it do it do it I'm I'm doing it like if anybody wants to hang out I see you start slipping I'm gonna be like I'm gonna repost I'm committing to six months single and I'm gonna stitch it every time Jesse I'm just here to remind you yeah I uh I really need to when when I got out of my last relationship I was really focused on

on focusing on me yeah and man you know I just felt like passing up the opportunity to see where it went with divinity would have been a disservice to myself I mean she's fine as fuck I know dude I couldn't resist I literally could not resist yeah spell on me so um

I'm just going to try to stay as far away from women. Yes. There you go. Just do not fucking go anywhere where there's going to be a bunch of divinities. Right. Yeah, I know. Hot girls beware. I love it. Well, Jesse, thank you for coming on the podcast. I really appreciate you being here. It was my pleasure. Thank you so much for having me. It was a blast. Of course. Why don't you shout out your socials where everybody can find you?

um jesse.lawless on tiktok and jesse underscore lawless on instagram i'm on facebook um it's just jesse lawless the i is what gets everybody's jesse with a i j-e-s-s-i lawless i'm also on twitter i don't do a whole lot over there but follow me anyways maybe i'll be more active are you ever gonna do an onlyfans

I have one. You do shout that out, baby. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to subscribe. I didn't know that. Yeah. The link is in my Instagram bio. Okay. Be careful. They will delete you for that on Instagram. Absolutely. No shit. Yep. Link tree, any sort of link in the bio, um,

Like you need to get what I'll teach you about all this when we get off. But yeah, for sure. All right. Well, I'm going to go see, uh, Jesse's tiddly winks whenever we get off of here. You want to see all my tattoos? Yeah. Do you do nude on there? Oh yeah. Okay. I ain't showing nobody my butthole, but.

but you can see my boobs. I love it. I mean, you have a nice rack too. They really are. Yeah. Honestly, I feel like every fucking lesbian I've ran into has the nicest tits I've ever seen. It's stupid. Like the tits that God gave me are just like, I got porn star tits all day long. So I'm like, man, I might as well make some money off of this shit. I believe it. My friend Rochi is, hold on. My husband's calling real quick and all. Babe, I was just telling Jesse Lawless about Rochi's tits. He brings his gat to him.

Big old titties. Dude, I remember I made her pull her. And they were like the beautiful pink nipples too. I was just like, it was in love. I love it. I love you so much. Maybe we're wrapping up this last interview and I'll call you. Yo, what up Jay? Hey, when you gonna come get a haircut or I'll just come here. She said she wants to be your barber. Come on. I need to cut. I'm looking for a plumber.

Let's go. All right. Love you, baby. Bye. Yeah. So Roachie has really nice tits. It sounds like you just described my tits. Yeah. I'm telling you, man. Fucking. You guys have some. They're a solid D. That your tits are? Nice. Can we see them? You want to show them? I'll show them to you. Right here? Don't tell nobody I showed them to you, though. I mean, can we censor them out for Patreon? You got to edit that part out. We will. We'll edit them out. Don't let nobody know I showed you my tits. Well, it's going to be on Patreon, but it's going to be censored. Fuck it. Okay. I love it. You're going to censor my tits?

I love it. I love it. Let's see it. Now your OF is about to go off, dude, but we will censor your tits. Let me see these fucking knockers. Hold on. We are looking at Jesse Lawless's tits right now. Look at her cute little body. Look at those fucking tits.

titties. Those are porn star titties. Those are beautiful. And your skin is so pretty. It's like, you're like twilight vampire white and your nipples. I'm describing this for everybody at home. And your nipples are like a perfect, like rosy pink.

I love that. They're beautiful. You guys, you guys have to fucking subscribe to her only fans because they are definitely worth being seen. Jesse, thank you so much for coming, baby. You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a blast. I appreciate you so much and I love your story and I can't wait for everybody to hear it because you got a really dope story. So thank you. Love that. Thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde. I will see you guys next week. Bye.