Saraya: Born Fighter
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I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have propaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of this.

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I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses, actually. Gotta go back. Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast, Dunblanc. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. Let's do this.

What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have the ultimate badass in the house. I'm so happy to have you here, Soraya. Yeah, thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here, dude. I love your TikToks. I love you, mostly. I love you, too.

But you're very, very entertaining. You're a very good person. You and Jill, you're both just like amazing people. We love you. Me and Ronnie. Ronnie, I know you're going to be watching this too. He loves watching you as well. Just radiate just love and like happiness. And that's such a good quality and so rare these days because people just aren't like that, dude.

Oh my dad would kick my ass. Honestly I feel like it was mostly to do with like my job as well like you you get accustomed to try and be like as nice as you possibly can with everybody crew you know you because I've seen people be fucking assholes dude. Yeah. Just evil to people and it fucking breaks my heart but I remember one time and this is just a fan story it's not about like people in general but like a fan story I traveled like all night and we had to go to Europe and I end up in England and

And my dad had met me outside the hotel, right? But there was a ton of fans there. And I just was like a little tired, a little frustrated. And that was the one time I've ever snapped at anybody. And I was like, just let me go to fucking sleep. You know, and my dad cussed me out in front of everybody. He was just like, don't ever fucking speak to people like that ever. Because that's what they remember, right? People can never, like, people will remember...

They won't remember conversations or what you did or whatever, but they'll remember how you made them feel, how they made you feel. Yeah. So I always, and I remember that from Emma Bunton back in the day.

- You bitch. - Who's that button? - You know, baby from Baby Spice? - Oh my God, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let me tell you about that one. - She was rude. - She made it up to me recently, it's fine. But yeah, I was really young. - She was like the nice one, wasn't she supposed to be like the nice one? - Oh, so they say. Yeah, no, I was really young. This was in the early '90s, right? And my parents were doing this TV show called "The Big Breakfast" in England and they were just showing off wrestling moves or whatever.

And they brought me along and they go up to Emma Bunton and they were just like, "My daughter is a big fan of you. Can she get a picture?" And she looked at me and said, "No." And they took pictures of everyone else, right? And I remember that. I remember how that made me feel. And I was like, I remember it to this day. I'm in my thirties now, I remember it. But then I ended up tweeting at her one day, nothing malicious. I was like, "I now understand

Why? Like it can be, you can just have a bad moment, a bad day or whatever the case. But she hit me up and she apologized. And I was like, you don't have to apologize. I understand. But it made me feel like in a child was instantly like,

fixed from that one interaction. I completely understand that because the same thing happened when I met Jewel. Yeah. And exactly what you just said, I've said numerous times when I tell this story is like, I met Jewel. We were walking, I was in the Palms in Vegas in the middle of the night and she was walking by herself, you know, just trying to go to her room. We walked by each other and I'm like, Oh my God, Jewel, you know, cause I'm a kid and I'm just like, it's fucking Jewel, you know? And I'm like, can we take a picture? And she goes,

one right here, right now. Oh no. And I was like, fuck it. I don't even want a picture. I didn't even take the picture. But then I understood as you get into the entertainment industry, there's sometimes that you just fucking are having a moment and you don't want to fucking talk to people. Exactly. It could be very overstimulating. Like, and you, you deal with people constantly, whether it be fans or just people behind the scenes or people bring their families or whatever the case may be, or just whatever.

production people or whatever. And you can already do so much. Like I have a social battery, but I try and not like show people, you know, that if I'm exhausted or tired or whatever, I just save it for when I get home. Cause that's just how my dad was like, that's how you have to be. You know, you're an entertainment baby. Yeah. So speaking of that, I hear you talk about your dad a lot. You guys are so close. You guys had that movie come out fighting with your family.

Yeah, it came out five years ago. Yeah, five years ago. Is it Fighting With My Family? Yep. Yeah. Jay and I watched it again the other night because I was like, I need to dust up on it because we actually saw it when it first came out. Yeah. Because, you know, we support you guys, but also Jay and The Rock are friends. Yeah. So we went and saw it. And I remember the movie was so touching. And then the other night we watched it with our kid and we were all like bawling. Oh, this is bad.

runny cry too no literally it's such a good movie thank you yeah so you guys if you guys haven't seen serea's life story go watch fighting with my with my family yeah and it's actually toned down yeah so from how my parents actually are because it was my next question yeah yeah they're batshit crazy like you know they showed little aspects what was growing up with them like

like tell me about your childhood yeah so start there yeah yeah my childhood uh was it was actually quite difficult as as a child because my family were away a lot and we didn't have much growing up and that's the way that my dad would like get money is he would you know he created his wrestling company waw still going today but he would constantly be traveling for wrestling and he wouldn't be earning that much like 20 pounds which is like

40 bucks maybe like every like every day and then my mom would have to scam to get money i don't know how she did this dude but she would walk into a bank not have a bank account and walk out with money i don't know how she did it but she did it but um did we never figured out how mom was doing that no no and then we went to uh to get clothes and stuff like i mean we'd eat food around the grocery stores you know and then to get clothes we would even go to the cheaper shops and

But then we'd walk in and I remember this one time my mom's like, go up the escalators, put it in your trousers or whatever it was or my shirt or whatever it is, then come back down, right? Do it as you come back down. So I was like, okay. And then I got busted, you know, because I was young. But my mom started crying, just being like,

I'm like, I can't believe she would do this. And I'm like, mom, but she was just like, you know, we're getting away with this, you know? And then I ended up getting banned from Primark, which is the store in England. But she was just always trying to get us the best of everything. And that would obviously come with, you know, felonies and

She was a hustler. She was. And like, she was fiercely protective too. Like I remember this one time I got beat up by a crackhead. I was 13 years old. What the fuck happened? I don't know. Honestly, I was with my friend and we got in like a little argument, you know, as kids.

And then she runs to this crackhead's house and then she comes out and beats the shit out of me. I'm talking like I was covered in bruises. She beat the shit out of me. My mom and dad went around. They were wrestling in like the Isle of Wight where you have to take a ferry to get to. Was it like her mom or? No, it's like a family friend. Oh, shucks.

A regular at her mom's pub. I don't know. But like, but she beat the shit out of me. And it turned out that she was what we call a grass, like a rat for the cops. Oh, wow. So my mom, she left the wrestling show, took a ferry, went all the way back to Norwich where we're from, knew where this lady's flat was, apartment, kicked in the door, beat the shit out of her, pulled a knife and shoved it up her nose. And she was like, I dare you to sneeze, bitch. Like that, right? I fucking love mom. Oh, she's batshit.

fucking crazy she pulls out her phone and calls the police right in front of my mum and my mum's just like well so she like beats the shit out of her grabs the phone goes outside sits on the curb and she was like you better get eggs I'm gonna fucking kill her she shoves the knife fucking stabs herself in the ankle oh no

She gets arrested, but eventually she gets let go because the lady ultimately beat the shit out of a child. Yeah, that's wild. But my mom would terrorize after that. Oh, I bet. She was like, do you smell a fucking rat around here? And she would, oh man. And then this lady got off because obviously she was a stooge for the cops. But it's just, growing up with my family, I felt very protected. Always. It was like a family where my dad grew up in...

you know, he was, grew up with gangsters. He was in prison with one of the Craze brothers in Norwich. And then he would be called, sorry, he would be called Patty the Bat. So we always grew up around like kind of violent men, but they were all so sweet. Just like gentle teddy bears. Gentle teddy bears. You would never know, but they would always take care of me and my dad would always take care of me, but it was just hard because they weren't around as much. And then they always felt like,

they would have to save people too so we would get a influx of people going in and out of our house constantly and and i mean i've never told anyone this but like i mean it's gonna be my book i'm writing a book coming up and i saw you're writing a book too which i'm very excited about but um

Ultimately, you know, you have so many people come through the door. One of them is not going to be a very nice guy, right? So like, yeah, so they were so they always wanted to save people. But in the middle of that, I got affected by it a little bit.

So it's really hard for me to like, and me and my brother only just started talking about it now, we're in our thirties, we only just was like, that's not okay. - What happened? - And it's not their fault. So there's this guy, I will say his name, his name is Carl, and he went under Carl Ramirez, and he,

his dad, um, which my parents had no idea was in prison because he was a pedophile. Right. And then his mother didn't want nothing to do with him. And so my family took him in and he was a problem kid. Like he was like 18 or something like that. And so at nighttime, my mom used to, um, do this thing, uh, where we'd act out stories, right. We would do like, uh,

the Red Riding Hood and Three Bears or Snow White or whatever it is and we would like act it out before going to sleep. She didn't just read, she acted it out. Anyway, after a while she would get busy and she would send Carl up to do it. But me and Zach, my brother Zach used to share a room and it was so difficult because then he

he was a pedophile. So he would, um, instead of acting this out, he would do like inappropriate things to me and to my brother. And my brother is such a fricking angel and I'll never forget it. Is it Zach or another brother? Okay. Zach. So he was on like the opposite side to me. And anytime that, um,

Carl would start trying to do stuff to me. He would tell him to come to his bed because he was so protective of me. Broke my heart every time. That gave me chills. Gosh, he'd be like, Carl, come over here. And it wasn't my parents' fault. It's not their fault. They had no idea. They were just trying to save this kid. And this kid was like an angel to them. They didn't have any reason not to trust him. And it's only recently that we had this conversation with my parents and my mom.

when she was younger, she wasn't believed by her family and she made it like her mission to know that she believed me, you know? She was like, I know this, I believe you 100%, if you need me, I'm so sorry. And I'm like, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. It sucks, but it's not your fault. So yeah, we went through that. I'm telling you, this is, I'm about to spill all the book right now, but we went through that and then we went through- And I'm not laughing at that. I'm laughing at what you just said. I'm about to spill everything. No.

But then after that, he finally like got kicked out the house. Mom and dad didn't kick him out for that because they didn't know. They kicked him out because he was stealing from them. And Zach never told. Zach never told him. Yeah, Zach. That's got to be heavy on Zach too. Oh, yeah. He ended up in a wheelchair at one point because of his body just broke down from a lot of stress. Oh.

Oh my gosh. He's fine now. Good. But like he went through a stage where he couldn't handle the weight of it anymore and it really messed him up big time. And so we ended up speaking to my mom and dad about it and that's how me and Zach started talking about it. Oh my gosh. And yeah, we got through it, which is great. But like...

I love that your family was there for you. Oh, they're amazing. I love my family. They're so, they're amazing. You guys do all seem super close. So you have you, Zach, and is there other brothers? Yes, there's Roy, my oldest brother. There's Asa, who is in a hospital. He has paranoid schizophrenia, psychopathic tendencies, autism, like everything. He has like an alphabet of what's wrong with him. But he's like,

and he loves me so much. And all he wants to do is move over here with me and I wish he could. And then you have my oldest sister, Nikki. Okay. And then you have adoptive brother, Isaac, who passed away. But yeah, we have like a big family. Yeah. And again, they're all very sweet, very protective. Like, I hope you get to meet them one day. Yeah, I would love to. I'm very lucky with how I, you know, thanks for doing it.

and bringing me into this world with this family yeah if they're anything like you i would love to meet them they're even better i'm telling you they're just they're good people so you guys you grew up in a wrestling family like they you were like born into it yes let's talk about that so when were you do you ever feel like you actually got an opportunity to do something else or did you just know that this would make your parents happy and this is the route that you wanted to go

So I always say I've been wrestling since I was a fetus because my mom just had Zach not too long before me, popped him out. And then like a couple months later, she got knocked up again and didn't realize. So she was wrestling and she was like, she was seven months pregnant, but she was so small and she was still getting periods. I tell people that happens. Like even when you're pregnant, you can still have periods. Yeah, absolutely. But to be seven months and still wrestling, that's wild. She's tiny, didn't have any clue, right? It's all in the mind, she says, because...

She got like gorilla press, which is pressed over your shoulders and thrown from the, in the ring to the outside. Right. She gets caught by this, uh, tray, uh, this wrestler who's now a trainer for WWE called Robbie Brookside. And, um, then she had to go to hospital. She was like, I'm not feeling too well. And she was like thrown up. She was just like, I feel awful. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me.

And then he was like, I don't know whether this is good news or bad news, but you're actually pregnant. And then instantly my mom was like, my belly just started growing. Like she felt like her belly was growing. So she was like, of course, like I was seven months in. So I'm like, I gotta have this baby. But she was really excited about it because she realized it was a little girl and she's always wanted to call her little girl Soraya.

And where she got the name was the 80s. She was at a Slayer concert. Misheard it for Soraya because she was tripping on acid and was like, this would be the perfect name for my kids. Does she also wrestle under that name too? Yes, she does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the movie, they lie and say that, you know, it was her wrestling name. Like she came up with it for a wrestling name. I was named after her wrestling name, but I was born first before she named herself that.

But yeah, it's off to Slayer technically, but... Well, that's a pretty fucking rock and roll story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, well done. Yeah, I love my name, so it's great. Yeah, it's different. It's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She killed it. I was like, thank gosh. But yeah, she's a... What was I saying? Oh, yeah. So...

yeah what the fuck was i saying you were just talking about how your mom ended up having you like right after zach named you serea oh yeah tripping acid at a slayer concert yeah yeah that's it and then so um yeah she had me and then you know the whole family want you to wrestle that's how my dad is he's like very like wrestling orientated and being a family business and i was kind of stubborn with it i was like no i want to work with animals because i love animals so much i'm like i want to be a vet i want to do zoology i want to do all these different things

things and I kind of fought against it until you know and I was always in the ring messing around and training so I already knew what you know wrestling is

And then my dad was short on a girl one day. And he was like, Ray, you're going to have to get in there, you know. How old were you? 13. Okay. Yeah. And so I was like, okay. And then my brother again, Zach, who's my hero, he said, I'll dress as the Pink Power Ranger, wear a mask, so then you feel comfortable wrestling. And so I wrestled him. We love Zach. He's amazing, you guys. What the hell? My brother is an absolute frigging diamond. And so I'm very, very lucky to have him. Yeah.

And so he wrestled me, I got knocked out. It was amazing. Like, and the three people that were in the crowd got their world rocked. So I like, I had like the biggest adrenaline rush, you know? And I was like, man, I like, this is why people love wrestling so much. And I, again, I try to fight it, but then I started wrestling when I was 13 and I,

Then I started sending out resumes to all these different wrestling companies. So I was like, I want to be in the WWE. I want to be a diva. I want to, you know, cause these women are beautiful and they're bad ass. I was like, I want to do that. I want to be like Lita. Like that's who I loved so much, you know? And I got turned down a lot cause I was a girl.

not because of my age like people didn't really care back then about age or anything like that but um this one company was like irish whip wrestling they said we don't hire women they're not good enough kind of thing and i was like you'll regret that one day yeah you're gonna fucking regret that so i started traveling by the time i was 14 i was going to norway switzerland turkey i was wrestling all over the place my dad would be like where are you going this weekend i'll be like spain

You know, I was really excited. And I'd go by myself. Yeah. And I'd go do all these wrestling companies. Yeah. That's amazing at such a young age that you were just like ready to rock. Oh, yeah. I knew what I wanted. That's the thing. I didn't take school as seriously as I should have. Like I finished high school. I didn't do anything after that. And I finished high school with awful grades. Like it wasn't, I didn't do fantastic. But I was so obsessed with becoming a wrestler and becoming a WWE diva that I was like, I

I don't care. Yeah. I would tell people now to stay in school because you always want to have that backup of being a smarty pants. You always want to stay in school, but I feel like nowadays with how you can just make a career out of anything, you know, as long as you go to school, just so you learn how to have that consistency and responsibility, um,

I think it's okay. I'm not telling you to go flunk or anything like that. No, no, no. Stay in school. It's cool to stay in school. But, you know, also know that there's other avenues that you can take too. Yeah, it's a lot easier to make a living these days with like social media and stuff like that. Yeah, we didn't have that luck back then.

back then yeah like you know I was like man it was yeah the we didn't have phones or social media or anything back then so it was like way more difficult to try and get our names out there and try to be spotted and stuff but you had to really fucking like make a name for yourself yeah to ever get noticed back then and it was really hard to get into the wwe2 at the time because

I looked a little bit more different. I mean, now I feel like I look a little bit more similar with my boobs and stuff like that. But back then I was very emo. You still stand out. Yeah. You still stand out a lot. Everyone is more, thank you, but everyone I feel like is more, has more of an edgier look now, which is, which is cool. It's like, you know,

It's cool to see because back again when I started with WWE, the reason why I got signed is because I looked so different to how everybody else was. Like everyone was just, I mean, they look like you, a fantastic, beautiful bombshell. Just stunning. Yeah, just stunning. And I got told like, you know, when I first did the tryout there that, you know, essentially I wasn't pretty enough to be there by one of the coaches.

talent recruiters he's not there anymore thank god he got let go yeah good but I was just like do you feel like you influenced um people to be able to be a little bit more edgier in that sure yeah to some to some I feel like a lot a lot of women kind of just were a little bit more afraid to dress like that or be like that because they felt like they had to be a cookie cutter yeah yeah they had to be a certain way for the queen elizabeth's yeah exactly you know just these

beautiful like just gorgeous models you know what I mean like they were they were stunning like I would see like women like Eve or Kelly Kelly when I first got there like on my tryout and I was like oh my gosh I'm blown away like this woman is gorgeous even in her rollers you know I'm just like she just looks so stunning and there's me who barely brush her fucking hair still can't you know and still beautiful but uh I would uh yeah I felt very insecure when I first got there hmm

I was really insecure and I felt like I had to try and be the way they were. So I dyed my hair. I got a tan. So that part of the movie is true. Yeah, but I did that on my first tryout. That wasn't actually when I got there, right? Gotcha. So I did that on my first tryout. I was like, this is how I got to be, right? So I got the tan. I took my piercings out. I took my gauges out. My hair was lighter. I wore color, which was like,

I look awful in color, let me tell you. That's how I am. When they try to put me in color, like my stylist, I'm like, no, give me black, please. Black just looks so good on... It speaks. Yeah. It can be classy. It can be chilly. It's just perfect color, right? Dress it up, dress it down, whatever. Exactly, yeah. So...

Being an adult has its high points. Like you can eat ice cream for dinner anytime or if you want to stay up all night, you can. But it's not always fun. You also have to do your taxes and figure out what's for dinner every freaking night.

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Yeah, I... Well, let's rewind really quick to... So you put in all these applications. Yep. And then one of them finally got accepted. Yes. And it was the WWE. Yeah, so, like, I got the ball rolling with the independents, which is the non-WWE, you know. So it's the smaller shows that which had, like, maybe 100 people if we're lucky, you know. And so I wanted to get a name for myself on the independents and let WWE hear my name. Mm-hmm.

you know? And so, um, there's this guy rest in peace. He was my dad's friend called Drew McDonald and he was a talent scout for WWE. And he would always tell me, I'm not going to give you a trial unless you actually, you know, work for it, you know? And I appreciate that so much. It wasn't like handed to me with him. And even if he got me to try out WWE would ultimately have the decision on whether I stay there or not, you know?

know and so like I oh my gosh he came to so many of my matches and every time he's like not good enough not good enough not good enough and I was like do you feel like he was doing that to push you yeah because he knew what the WWE was gonna want exactly yeah and so like um it was a little frustrating as I was a kid though so I'm like why like now you know but it took me a few years you know to get the ball rolling and like when I was

I, he finally was like, all right, I think you're ready. And I think it's cause I actually turned 18 and that's the age you have to be. Oh, gotcha. But also it was the drizzling shits when I watched matches back when I was a kid, I was like fucking hell. People saw me back then. My gosh, just awful. And so, um, he gave me the tryout. I did the first tryout and gosh, it was like,

It was bad. It was me and this other lady called Lisa Fury, who, again, just was so stunning. Like, had the body of a goddess, you know? And it was just me, like, again, like... You guys do have banging bodies, man. You fucking chicks in the WWE. I'm like, come on. You should see some of these women now, man. I'm like, they really take care of themselves. Wild. Built, like, Wonder Woman, dude. I was like, wow. Like, Rhea Ripley and Jade and just... I'm like, wow. Like, incredible. Yeah. But, um...

Yeah, so we had to do, we had to go to Raw and SmackDown, which is two WWE shows. And then SmackDown is when you have to do like these matches. And like, so I had to wrestle this girl in front of everybody, all the wrestlers, like who got signed. So I'm talking Randy Orton, Edge, like Big Show, you know, Goldust, like all these massive legendary wrestlers all just sitting around the ring watching us. And I'm like,

I'm going to shit my pants. Like this is the worst fucking thing ever. And so I get in there and I make the girl bleed. I bust her in the face and she starts bleeding. And I'm just like, I'm fucked. Like, of course I'm not going to hire a girl that's making people bleed. You know, it was an accident. It was an accident. Yeah. Cause I love Lisa. We did the independence together. We've had matches together and yeah, it was,

that's a hot, she took it like a champ and she was like, it's okay. You know, it happens. It's wrestling. There was one thing in the movie that I did catch was that you guys say it's not fake. It's fixed. It's fixed. Yeah. Yeah. So it's frustrating when people are just like, well, it's fake, but yeah,

I mean, we all have injuries all the time. It's like a, it's like live action stunt, you know, like, uh, you, you go, it's like watching a movie and it's like live and you see all these stunt people doing crazy things. Someone's going to get hurt eventually. And so of course, you know, everyone's not stupid. They know like how the matches are formatted and how they're laid out and who's going to win or whatever it is.

But it hurts and it's not – it fucks your body up. Like, you can't walk properly, you know. Like, you're constantly tired. Your body's just hurting. And, like, you know, and it's hard not to get addicted to stuff, you know. That's how I end up ultimately getting addicted to drugs and alcohol because it was very hard for me to sleep because I was just in so much pain and with all the travel and stuff like that. When did you start your, you know, popping pills and stuff like that? It was –

I was very lucky enough that I wasn't getting injured a lot, but like the... Okay, so it happened when I started hanging out with certain friends in like an area because I wasn't very...

I was always so busy, so I didn't have many friends. And I've never had many friends when I was growing up. Like, I was always, like, work-orientated. And I just felt like I was very socially awkward, so it was hard for me to hang out with people. I got a lot better now, though. I feel like I'm pretty good at talking to people now. Yeah, now you're a sweetie boy. But, yeah, so...

I always end up talking and then I get like ADHD brain. When did your addiction start? No, you're good. I got you. I ended up like making some friends with like an ex-boyfriend I had. I met like one of his friend's girlfriends and then her friend introduced me to her friends. And then I ended up in this girl group. Right. And I loved it because I felt like I didn't have a childhood and I didn't get to experience things with like a girl group. And like, you know, it was just, I felt really cool. How old were you?

Um, like 21. Okay. Yeah. So you were already wrestling. Yeah. I was already wrestling, you know, and I was, I was keeping it together and I had AJ with me at the time. And so AJ was straight edge and she like was like my mentor, but then she left WWE and I was like, Oh, and then I realized how much she had like protected me in that way.

So then I was like, I would travel with her and all that kind of stuff. But then I started making friends with just the wrong people and I'd want to go out drinking every night. I want to go out partying. And then I just felt really cool. And everyone wanted to hang out with me for the wrong reasons, you know? And so, and I would always be willing to pick up the tab and all that kind of stuff. And I felt good about it because I could. I grew up with not a lot of money, you know? And so I felt like, yeah, like I feel like a big boss bitch. Like I knew this, but it's like the wrong boss bitch you want to be, you know? And so like...

You know, I started getting introduced to like Coke. And so I was like... This was back when you could actually do lines of Coke and not have to worry about dying with fentanyl in it. Exactly. Oh my God, fentanyl. I'm so happy I don't have that now. It like makes me so paranoid. It's scary. It's scary. It's one of like...

I think it is the leading cause of death in America. It's really sad. It's really sad. And it doesn't take a lot for you to die. You can just be right next to it and ingest like, you know, fumes of it and die. It's really scary. So, but back then it wasn't cut with that. It was cut with like baby laxative. Yeah, exactly. I used to shit my brains out every time I would do lines of coke. Let me tell you. I don't know why people think fucking cocaine is a glamorous drug because everybody has skid marks. I'm tired.

right now everybody is shitting their drawers and has skid marks i don't care who you are yeah it's bad it's really fucking bad it's really she gets it telling you she gets it yeah it's really fucking bad but yeah so we're all shitting our pants back then but we're all so high as a fucking guy

just having a fucking great time oh yeah we're wilding out so yeah we would do a lot of that and i would take like a bump and it would just be to sober up yeah i mean because you want to keep drinking well you get so low and then you'd have to like get yourself high oh yeah yeah and so like i would constantly be doing that and then it would like build up to more and more and more and then i'd be extremely fucking paranoid of everybody i think everyone's got their cameras out and everyone's looking at me you know and it just it got me really paranoid and then i started getting um

my neck injuries and stuff like that and um I started getting Percocets and let's circle back real quick because during this time were you dating somebody where I think I had read somewhere that you were in an abusive relationship was this around the same time yeah so um I try not to talk about him too much okay we don't have to touch no no it's okay it's okay like I I reference a lot about

a person that I was with. It's just frustrating because you just want to leave that in the past and it's like it's not... And you continue to be that person with the next person. But it's like I just try not to talk about him. But it's like I always feel like if you weren't such a shit human to me, I wouldn't have to tell the truth about you. Exactly. It's like that's what I don't understand about especially being in abusive relationships. They try to control the narrative. Yes. If they can't control you, they try and fucking spin it to make you look like the bad guy. And you're just like...

Listen, if we're in this relationship at first, yeah, I'm going to fucking fight you back, bitch. Because I'm much more stronger in the beginning of our relationship. But then you start breaking someone down to the point where you stop fighting back and you become very submissive to it. And then you're in this bubble where it's so hard to get out of. And you don't realize you're stuck in this bubble either because they make you think like you're safe with them. And no one else likes you. No one else will help you. Your family hates you. Just...

you're alone and you don't realize that. I had a conversation with him the other day on the phone and, um, just even him tell he invalidated the abuse said completely that it never happened, that I'm making it up or whatever. And I found myself just sitting there listening to him because I knew fighting back to him with him was not going to get anywhere. And it's crazy that you get beat down so much in that situation that you learn how to just kind of become just

submissive rock almost cold like very cold yeah just like whatever you want to say dude and it's and it is crazy because you know you look at women like you and you're so strong-minded and i felt like i was very strong-minded too so you don't think you'll ever be in that situation right and then they manage to weasel away and they end up like you know yeah they find a vulnerability and they prey on that yeah yeah and it's really really difficult so that's why

Like, even now, like, they just... Their ego won't let them be the bad guy. I was...

with someone that wasn't good for me like mentally physically wasn't a good person for me yeah but then also I was surrounded by people that weren't good for me so it's like I always say for people like because I did therapy I was speaking to like three therapists a week three different therapists and one was for drugs and alcohol one was just for my mental health and then this the third one was the one where you just lay down and they push on your pressure points and like acupuncture and stuff like that that's wonderful I love that right but it really helped me yeah so I did that um

And it really, it took me a long time because PTSD, I tell people all the time, it will never go away. It just gets less frequent. And again, it really helps with the community that you surround yourself with as well, because you need those people to uplift you, elevate you, encourage you. That's why I bring my friend Shelby over there because she's such a wonderful person. I actually know Shelby from Vegas. I know, she told me. I was like, well, it's so small. It's crazy.

Crazy, right? Crazy. We both banged the same wiener, I think, or something. She told me. And we will not give that dude any fucking clout ever. But it's like, it's so important to have community. Like, you know, you have the loving lady

there that's always you know oh yeah these are my i love they're my writers yeah and i like i i have my small group too you know and it's it's just so important it's so important so yeah i went through that stage where i didn't have a good around the same time while you were doing drugs was this that that's when that relationship was going on or okay yeah bad relationship bad people bad community bad place that i was living bad mentally physically everywhere it just wasn't a good time for me

Were you excelling in your career at that time? So I was starting to, and then everything kind of just happened at once in that year and a half. So like, again, bad people around me. And then these tapes got released on me. And so this was when I was 19, right? And again, in England, I didn't have male relationships like that. You know, I had a couple of boyfriends, which was just like very short lived. I was, you know, but...

When I first got over here, I was very lonely. And so like, and I was young and very, you know, you get easily influenced when you're young. Listen, I've done some shit on camera. Yeah. And it's always like an older man that fucking weasels their way in, you know, just fucking. And always like, you know, I get,

I get weirded out when I see guys that get pervy over 19 years old. I remember being 19. It grosses me out. It's fucking weird. I cannot stand it. If there's a huge age gap between people too, I think it's so fucking weird. Fucking weird. Yeah, I don't like it. It's weird. And it's the same with women too. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care what fucking gender you are. It's fucking weird to be dating someone super young. Yeah. So, you know, I was... Although I do say if...

jay and i ever break up i will have a cabana boy just fanning me and feeding me grapes just like a 26 year old 30 year old cabana boy just feeding me grapes it's a solid age not 19. yeah exactly so uh yeah so i was easily influenced by this guy and um and he was giving me the attention that i wanted like at 19 and i wasn't so used to this older man like you know

and you don't realize you're used to these old men because when you're younger these older men are still doing that when you're like 16 14 you know what i mean but when you're younger too you think oh my god he's an older guy he's paying attention to me this is so cool he probably thinks i'm so grown up yeah so like mature not realizing that he's a real perv yeah

So I was like talking to this guy that was working with me too. And so he gave me like this attention and it made me feel good. He made me feel like a million dollars, you know? And then we started like being together and then he started being like, I want to pictures and I want to do videos and all that kind of stuff. And I didn't want to do it. Like I was very like,

scared to do that kind of stuff. And like, I was like, well, I feel like I have to drink to do that, you know, to like Dutch courage kind of thing. Yeah. And so I was like, okay. And you just want to make him happy. So you're just like, okay, yeah, let's give it a while, you know? Yeah. And you know, the other guy that was in the video again, he's a sweetheart. He doesn't, he had like no idea that I felt like that, you know? And he's, he's a good guy. And, um, and he also gets shit too, of course, but he's still in the WWE again. Good guy. Um,

But this guy was like an evil fucking genius. You know what I mean? Like he's like the mental like, you know, manipulation for a child as a child. Yeah, absolutely. And so like he was like, yeah, send me pictures and do all these things. And I'm like, OK, yeah, whatever makes you happy. Like, this is so cool. You know, and so I do it and stuff like that. And he saved them all.

And then we did like the video, which I was like, fuck. Like even at that point, I felt so gross and dirty in it. And I'm like, and that's, I'm not judging anybody that does that. It's normal. Like if you want to do that, that's fucking normal. But if somebody, if you're doing it to like make somebody happy, of course it's going to make you feel. Exactly.

a certain way. Because you don't really want to do it. Yeah. Girls that are doing porn, half of them want to do it. Exactly. You know, so yeah, I understand what you're saying. Yeah, again, yeah, I just don't want people to think I'm judging them if they do want to do that. Fucking do it. You live your life. Yeah. I'm happy for you, right? Absolutely. But then, yeah, I just didn't and I felt like I was being taken advantage of for being so young and

And so, yeah, I did it. And then like, I never thought I'd see the light, like that would never see the light of day. Cause again, that's so many years ago, that's like 13 years ago, whatever. And so, um, yeah, around that time, you know, I just had my first neck injury. I was doing drugs. I was, I had Percocets from my neck injury. And so what caused the neck injury?

it's just wear and tear but i got kicked in the i got kicked and i took a bump on the ground and then i felt like a pop and then at first i felt like no one really believed me i was like my neck is hurting but i was already starting to look like a mess so i understand why people didn't believe me too much but i never complained about injuries ever

So then like it started really hurt. And I remember I couldn't even pick up a cup and then like it would just fall out my hands. I was so weak and I couldn't sleep at night. And it was so painful that I just kept doing drugs because it helped me sleep. And so I went and got an MRI done and then they were like, okay, yeah, you need to have surgery. So I have six screws altogether, but that was the first three screws on my fusion. And so I had that. And then so I was away from work for a year and a half.

On top of that, I popped two drug tests back to back with WWE too and they announced it publicly. One was like on my birthday and then one was like when I came back the second time. I was like, fuck. And then from Coke. And then I tried to lie.

And I tweeted out that it wasn't, it was prescription pills and that they're only doing that to me because I'm not big on the roster like some of the men are. I just didn't want my dad to be disappointed in me. That's all I cared about is my dad's gonna be so upset because like, you know, addictions run in our family. I didn't want to be like the circle continued, you know? And so that was the only thing I cared about was like upset my dad.

And so like he was sticking up for me online, you know, and being like, you can't leave her alone. We love dad. That is so sweet. He's always got my back. But yeah, but then WWE came out with like, you know, a statement that said, is that she coke? She's lying. Oh, fuck. That was no love right there. I was like, fuck. You know, I was cold, but I understood because they were getting a lot of shit because of what I said. And I was just, and also probably, probably trying to give you tough love too. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

And they helped me a lot. They really did. They were constantly trying to call me and be like, come to the office. Like, just say you need help and we will be there for you. And they never stopped. They were constantly like on the phone with me, trying to text me. And I cut everybody out. My family, everybody. No one could get a hold of me. I would constantly change my phone all the time. Just because you were so deep in addiction? Yeah, and just the person that I was with, the people I surrounded myself with. I was just...

I was, I shut everybody out. And so, and my friend Renee, who's also was in WWE and now in AW with me, she came around one time. I let her in. The only person I let in my house at the time. And she was just terrified for me because I got really skinny. I have a picture. I have to send you the picture so you can show people. But I was really, really small. It was very like, you know how people's face kind of just goes. Yeah. Like very sunken. I looked very, just very sad. God, anytime I was addicted to drugs, I always got fat. Oh, lucky. Fuck.

I was always jealous of people like you. I'm like, how do they get skinny doing drugs? I'm over here just eating fucking dominoes trying to feel better. Oh no, I wouldn't eat. I feel like with coke, it won't let me eat. Yeah. But then poker sets did want to make me eat. I was on coke too much. So it was just like, yeah.

So yeah, I did all that. And then it's all on the internet for everybody to see. My relationship at the time was on the internet for everybody to see. Like, you know, I just was a fucking mess and I was so embarrassed. And then, so when the tapes came out, that was it. Fucking, I, I tried to kill myself on FaceTime to my mom. Like I started trying to chew on pills and shit like that. And then, instantly regret it. Fucking spat it out. Cause I was like, I, I, I just felt bad.

At the time, I was really embarrassed. So low. Yeah. Like, you know, I would cut myself. It was just silly. It was... I just... I never thought I'd be the one to do that kind of stuff to myself, too. And I would never do it again. But, like, I just hit... You were just hurting so bad. I was hurt. Yeah, I was in a really bad spot. And, like... And, I mean, you also have to think, like, what happened to you as a child also did affect some of your actions as...

as you got older and that was a lot of shit that you were holding in so I think that in a way it was kind of like your inner child was rebelling exactly I just felt like my childhood was kind of taken away from me whether it be from that guy or the fact that I was so wrapped up in wrestling or whatever that I just

I didn't enjoy myself as a child. And when I was in school, I got bullied. You know, we talked about earlier, it was good having that family, but in school it was rough, you know? And my mom actually went missing for six months when I was a kid too. And when I was in school, people would bully me for that. And I remember I got kicked out because I beat the shit out of this girl because she said something about my mom. And so when she was on the toilet, she was taking a shit. But I kicked in the door and I was swinging on her with the fucking trousers down to her ankles and stuff like that. I love how violent you are. I was spitting on her. I was like, you fucking piece of shit.

and then why did mom disappear for six months she just she had a mental breakdown so my mom when she was younger she was also abused by her stepdad and she was also gang raped and so she went for a really tough time and her family ditched her they didn't believe her and my dad did though he was just like come here you know and he took care of her and um but she had a really really tough time getting over that and she uh

I don't think that's something you'll ever get over. No, you don't. I think it kind of takes a piece of you and you just... It just learns to feel different. Yeah. And she had like an eating disorder along with it. So whenever she, you know, she's feeling bad, all the weight just drops off. She stops eating completely and she gets so sick that she can barely walk around. You know? So...

Yeah. I feel like I, in a way I kind of take off to my home. So just rebelling and going through that whole thing. What, what was the light at the end of the tunnel up for you? What was the final straw that, you know, those tapes came out, you said you tried to commit suicide on FaceTime with your mom and, and thank God it didn't work. But in that moment that you're thinking about taking your life, was that the moment that you were like, I've got something's got to give, I have to change.

Actually, no, it wasn't that moment. I was still really low. I remember just like falling asleep on FaceTime to my mom and she's just sobbing. Yes. But my, you know, it took a while still to get over that. But I remember going into a grocery store, right? And my hair was matted. Like I had a huge mat in the back of my hair because the extensions I hadn't had changed. Like the glue on

ones oh god yeah oh it was bad you know like the tick tocks you see where a woman has to like it was that bad it was so bad i ended up cutting out myself oh no you had dreads baby oh it was like yeah it was like the size of my head but i had in the back of my head and i was trying to cover it with a cap you know and again really skinny i was in the liquor aisle and this little girl came past and she just thought i was this wonder woman superhero like she was just

she hadn't read the internet. She's too young. You know, she just looks at me as Paige at the time, you know, and she thought I was just the coolest thing since sliced bread. And like, I realized at that moment, because I always thought that role models were perfect, right? But they're not. Role model is not perfect. The thing that makes you a role model is the fact that you fuck up, but you know, you end up

getting out of it and going on the other side and like you know taking ownership of that and kind of helping people get through those kind of things you know absolutely that gave me goosebumps yeah it's so real you're a mom role model you've been through so much shit in your your life i know because i i fucking i mean i love you i think you're amazing and you're very inspiring same i feel the same about you you've just gone through so much fucking shit do we have girl crushes on you this is what's happening right now um but you're you're incredible and you're a role model i appreciate right you're you're one of

you're a bad bitch. And I look at you and I'm so inspired by you because we have very similar stories and it's just, you inspire me. So I look at this little girl and she's looking up at me not knowing anything that's going on in the world, but she just thinks I'm the coolest thing ever. And it kind of makes me think about that. And I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

And then, you know, paired with waking up one day with the person you don't want to be with and the switch kind of flip on there being like, what the fuck am I doing? And everything just starts like falling into place. It was so weird. It all happened like very suddenly. Like everything was just like flip, flip, flip. It was like an epiphany. Yeah. I'm like, what the fuck is happening? So I woke up one day like that and then I called WWE and they bought my flight and took me back to Florida and I moved in with my friend Duran Raquel and they...

took care of me and I got back into training training again and then I start wrestling again and it was like this big moment and then bam my neck gets kicked and I have to retire so I get to that point though and I'm so much stronger mentally that everyone was really worried like oh my god she's gonna fucking freak out again but I was at such a good stage in my life at that point coming out of it I was like I'm never gonna hit that rock bottom again

You know, I'm never going to be that person again. You learned your lesson. Yeah. That's the most important part, I think, of fucking up is it's okay to fuck up, but learn your fucking lesson. And don't fucking let yourself become that person again. Exactly. That's such a, like, key point that we need to point out for kids, especially if they're listening, although you shouldn't be listening to my podcast. But it's okay to fuck up, too. It's not what you learn from it. And, like, I say to people all the time, I don't regret anything that I went through, and I wouldn't change anything that I went through. Same.

because I felt like we were picked. I'm not a religious person, but I feel like, you know, the universe kind of picked us to go through it because we're strong enough to get on the other side and help people with it. I'm like, I went through this so I can help you. Like I go recently, I went to the women's shelter, you know, and I try and like, I love speaking to the women and they made me realize like as well, one of them, this was a couple of years ago,

she was like we're not victims we're survivors and I never thought about it like that and I was like fuck you're so right yeah I love that no it's real yeah it's real absolutely survivors and so like now I use that I'm like this one woman told me like she wasn't a victim she was a survivor and I was just like I fucking that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard

I think it's beautiful. And I always tell everybody that like, I never want to be looked at as a victim. I want you to look at what I did after I went through some shit. Don't look at what the shit I went through. That's just a blip on the radar, but look at what I did after. So you have, you know, you, you go back to WWE, you're kicking ass, you're sober. You broke up with fucking, by the way, I, I, I Googled that dude and he looks like a fucking clown. Okay. I was like, this is a weird thing.

thing I don't know what happened I don't yeah I was blinded by the fucking pills yeah something happened because the university all the time I'm like all right calm down like you and him fit so when did Ronnie come into the picture so he come in years before that actually so I was actually with a boy at the time he was like my boyfriend at the time um I was young I was like 21 so I went to like a

a festival and um I was filming total divas at the time which is a reality show that I was on and like I see across the park and like there's all the buses you know how it is backstage at a festival all the buses and stuff and then this band and Bobby Shabensky who's the owner of Black Craft and he's one of my favorite people in the world he's like my brother but he's also Ronnie's best friend right so I was talking to Bobby and then I just see Ronnie in the background I'm like who the

fuck is that right so i've never been blown away by someone ever like i've never looked at a guy and been like wow like then like like now ever like ronnie is the only person where i've looked at i've been like blown away by just how he looks right and his energy i was just like wow he's so fucking handsome right so he starts walking towards me right and it felt like there was like doves flying a fucking smoke machine fireworks his hair is blowing in the fucking wind yeah it's like oh

Fuck, good morning, you know? And so, like, I get, like, introduced to him and I'm trying to, like, keep it, my composure a little bit. I didn't know who he was. Once Bobby told me, I was like, oh, shit, I listened to Escape the Fate back in the day when he was in that band, you know? Yeah. And, but...

i didn't know that was him like i was never good at like ban people's faces or anything like that right like the music but i realized it wasn't i was like holy that's i listened to your music back in the day you know and then i started listening to fall in reverse because of him you know and i was like man he's got a good voice he's sexy he's like got this masculine energy about him like very protective energy about him and i just yeah did he remind you of your dad

They're very similar. They're very similar. It's weird. And I know it's weird to say that, but like women go after men. Like Jay is the spitting image of my father. Like it's wild. Yeah. And they're both born on the fourth too. Like it's crazy. Oh, him and him and jelly at both Sagittarius is too. Right. Yeah. I like the fire. Yeah. I like to play with fire. Yeah. I'm fine too. Yeah, baby. I love that. All my friends growing up were Leo's. Leo women are my jam.

Oh, and yeah, Leo's and Sagittarius is compatible too. So I was like, Oh yeah, they're soulmate signs. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, well, that works out. Perfect. Good. So, um, but I just, yeah, I fell in love with him and I was absolutely fucking obsessed with this guy. Um, but I never let him know that.

you know and so like we became really good friends and nothing ever happened like that and so we had met up one time when we're both like kind of drinkers and stuff like that and hung out or whatever but i wasn't in the right place to do anything other than what we did that night you know and then he was the same way we just weren't ready for each other then yeah and i'm thankful for that because if we would have been together then it would have been a fucking shit show you know so we um

Right person, wrong time. Exactly, yeah. And so, like, we were best friends for a long time. And then when I got out of that relationship, at first, he was, I was like, I'm fucking in love with you pretty much, you know. And he would, I remember him writing on my Instagram. And this is how, like, we got in contact again because I stopped talking to everyone, like I said, right? And he commented on my Instagram, hope you're well. And I was like, ah! Like, I was like.

you're like he's sliding my dms here we go gosh i fucking like it's just always been ronnie it's always been him there's no no question about it like i've been with other guys you know and it's just never been the right guy like ronnie is my right guy you guys do make sense when you look at each other like you guys look like each other's person yeah i fucking i love him i love everything about him like you know i just love him i even if he talks shit on the internet i felt

I fucking love you. You know, like, I don't care. Like, I don't care. I just love how outspoken he is. But you know how he is not online, you know? So I think that people can come to you and be like, oh, how can you be with a man who's this and transphobic and blah, blah, blah. I'm just like, he's not those things, though. He's not. And you know that. So it's like when people say that to you, you're just like, okay, you only get to see

piece of him yeah you get what he's trying to do online and he leads into like the heelish character you know when it comes to he likes to lean into it like the grinch yeah yeah like a bad guy he's like everyone he's a bad guy you know it's like yeah i mean it works for him you know yeah and so like we um he wrote that and i go to bobby because i had moved to pittsburgh for just a little short time because me and i know it was i was there for one day okay i'm like i've been to pennsylvania on tour and it's fucking dreary shit hole yeah i was like i'm fucking depressed

I stayed in that house one day and I was like, I can't be here. So I went back to Florida, even though Florida is like a little bit of a shithole. It's a sweaty, sweaty shithole. The weirdest shit happens in Florida. It's fucking weird, dude. Like every time we do like weird stories that we find on the internet, it's always in fucking Florida. It's fucking weird. But they got the cream of the crop out there. Yeah. Probably the reason why I moved out there is like you're too good for Florida. Yeah. You're fucking right. You're right about that, bud.

So he had commented on that and then I told Bobby to link us up via text again. So then we started texting and at first he said, "I want you to be able to get over what you went through." First he was like, "I'll be there for you as a friend. I just don't wanna rush into anything like that." And so I did and I had a rebound for a second and just living life again like a normal person. I just wanted to be normal. But I was always still texting him, who is my buddy or whatever.

And then eventually I was just like, maybe I should stay single, like just for a little bit, just so I don't have to, you know, worry about whatever. But then he texted me. He's like, no, I'm going to fight for you. And I was like, oh, so horny. I was like, fine. Like we're fine. We're together. This is absolutely fine. And then like...

It was like, I have my dog Lobster at the time, you know. How does a dog get the name Lobster? Okay, so I love friends so much. And Phoebe's like, he's her lobster. Okay, gotcha. And so I'm like, he's my lobster. So I call him Lobster. And so, you know, Ronnie was like in Florida on tour, just doing the, what tour is he doing? Like the, just a small, smaller tour, like an acoustic tour.

And Willard was there and he, I got my friend Joey, he grabbed all my stuff, drove it to, actually he was in Atlanta. He drove it to Atlanta where the bus was and then we just took all my stuff and went to California and never looked back. And so we've been together ever since. And I love him so much. Like I love him. We've been together for nearly, well, it's going to be five and a half years. So it's a long time for us. This is a long relationship we've ever been in. And he's the reason why

I'm sober. He's the reason why I'm a lot fair. I'm not saying he's the whole reason because I have to be want to do that too. I feel like you guys have balanced each other out. Sure. I feel like you guys have both been really good influences on each other. And that's,

A true testament of a relationship because when Jay and I first got together, we were both fucking hell on wheels too. Yeah. And we came together and both made each other better people and that's what you and Ronnie have done and that is a testament of a real relationship. Thank you. That you guys both can like be each other's yin and yang. Yeah. Actually, Jelly was talking to us about...

you know, on the set of this other thing. And he was just talking about you. Oh. And he was just like, you know, he was complimenting Ronnie and I saying that we're very similar to you guys. But I look at you and I'm like,

You fucking saved Jelly. You know, like, you really did. Like, and Ronnie and I talk about this all the time. Like, yes, like, we help balance each other out and, like, help each other in that way. But you took a guy, you know, that was playing in front of, like, what, 50 people living on couches and all that kind of stuff. And then you fucking took him and, you know, kid and everything. And you just, like, fucking embraced that dude. And, like, you were kind of the one that was supporting him for a long time. And that's pretty... Well, that's fucking incredible for...

like you're a badass bitch i appreciate that but i always like to clear the record and say that my husband is a hustler and he would have figured it out himself he also helped me a lot when i listen i came into that fucking relationship guns a blazing i had fucking baggage from getting my ass kicked from my previous relationship i had fucking childhood trauma i didn't know how to have a real fucking relationship especially when you argue you have to try and figure out how to

communicate. When we first got together, the first three years of our relationship was toxic AF. Like it was bad. And I mean, I was on drugs. I was fucking popping pills. I was snorting Coke. Jay was drinking lean and fucking drinking every night. Like it was wild. But you know, when you find that person that grounds you, you want to be

better. You want to break generational cycles and curses and shit that you've been through with that person. And I think, and I always say it, the biggest flex of a relationship is you guys healing together. And I feel like that's what you and Ronnie have done. Oh, for sure. For sure. Cause like at first it was really hard for both of us communicate. Ronnie wasn't in like a real, like long, long relationship since like high school. Yeah. So it was really hard for him to communicate, especially because he, he wasn't very good at,

with women at first. Sagittarius men love women, but they hate being told what to do. Yes. And they do not want to, they do not want to answer to anybody. Yes. So you have to find a groove around that. You have to make them think that everything is their idea. Yeah. You're like, Greg,

Yeah, but Rodney had a rough, you know, childhood too. Like his mother just didn't want him, you know, completely ditched him. And so he had like a really bad relationship with women because he felt like women would always leave him, you know, so he never really tried. And so like, but with me and him, I mean, yeah, like you said, I feel like we bounce each other out. Like I give him like, you know,

time to like vocalize you know how he feels and stuff and vice versa I mean we do have our times where we're just like fuck you that's relationships yeah and I like that we do that because it's like this passion you know we care about each other yeah like people who don't it's always fun to make up

It is fun to make up. Yeah. And he's so sweet when he does make up too. Like he will like, he's not scared to apologize. That's for sure. And I appreciate that so much. Like he'll come and he hugged me and he'll apologize. He knows he's in the wrong way. But that's how my husband is too. I'm a little harder to apologize than mostly.

Oh, I won't. I will not. My husband will tell me that all the time. He'll be like, you bitch, I'll come to you and I'll apologize 10 times. He's like, I think in the whole eight years we've been together, you've apologized to me twice. It's hard for us. I don't know what it is because we're always right. I mean, come on. I'm just kidding. Yeah. I'll, I'll apologize in different ways. You know, like I won't come to you. Like I will now. Cause finally we're just at that point where I'm just be like, all right, I'm sorry. I was PMSing. I was being a bitch. But before I would like, you know, you may get up to him in other ways. Give him an extra blow job or,

Yeah, exactly. Something like that. It's always like, Ronnie's always worried about me when I'm on my period because that's when I get like a shorter fuse with stuff. I just feel like I have endo, right? So I'm fucking in pain, dude. Do you have PMDD? Have you ever looked into that? It's premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

And it was something that I had because I have endometriosis also. And it intensifies your PMS. Like I would be a raging fucking lunatic before. And what I had to do was go and get my blood checked and find out my vitamin levels and my hormone levels and stuff like that.

And then they put you on like supplements, you know, like vitamins and stuff like that. And they level it out and you feel so much better, dude. You know what? I've gone to so many gynecologists and like people like I have to try and find someone that specializes in endometriosis. You need a holistic. Well, you need a holistic doctor. I have one out here. And if you guys end up moving out here, which are we allowed to say? You guys are looking to move to Nashville, which is exciting. Yeah.

But if you do, I have a nurse practitioner that does all of this. And her name's Dani. She's been on the podcast. Everybody loves her. And she will, I'm telling you, girl, I don't even get PMS like that anymore. Maybe like one day I'll have like a little where I'm just like on edge, but nothing. Like I used to get it like a whole week before. Me too. Dude, it was so bad. And you know, it's like you can always tell when it's going to be a bad one depending on your mood.

you know oh yeah oh no it's like literally like the theater faces like happy Ronnie says the same thing really your face changes when I know your periods come in your face completely changes yeah and I'm like I just can't help it like I'm in so much pain and it's not just physical it's like mental too yeah like I like you know I I can be very secure at times but also I can be very insecure yeah like when I'm on my period that's women too in general it's women in general yeah but like he already knows because like I'll be secure all month and then be like do you

of me like I stuck it really emotional I'm like who's that you know like I just like I'm very like yeah I did the same thing I did the same thing so if you guys do come out here I'll give you Danny's number but even if you guys don't come out here look into eastern medicine because western medicine just wants to put you on like hormones and throw pills at it I don't want to do that eastern medicine wants to get to the root of the fucking problem and figure out what it is so yeah I've

Anytime you have questions about that shit, just hit me up and I got you, girl. I will. Because everyone... Yeah, they do try and put you on pills. And I'm so sober that I don't even take like ibuprofen or anything like that. I just... That's awesome. Well, I can't... I have like drug fucking paranoia now. I feel like I won't drink a bottle of water if the fucking lid doesn't crack or if I don't bring it myself. Like I... It's weird. Ever since I got sober, I have like a weird OCD thing now too. Yeah. It happens though. It happens. And like my brother was like that growing up actually. He would always...

weird that he would test it out on me though he's just like hey it cracks up but it can if something he goes you drink it in case it's poisoned and i'm like oh you want me to go first yeah fuck but um i know what you mean like if i don't hear a crack or anything like i get so grossed out if i know that this is my bottle right yeah there's someone else's bottle on the table i can't touch it anymore i'm the same way it fucking grosses me i leave bottle bottles of water everywhere dude oh

Is it sobriety that does that? Maybe. Maybe. I just get really grossed out because I'm like, so I don't know. Someone else could have drank out of it. That or it's just too close your energy. Yes. It's weird. It could have fucking hopped into my bottle. No, I get it. Oh, gosh. Okay. I'm glad that you think the same way because I get so grossed out. Dude, I'm the same way. Put your bottle near my bottle. I'll even like write

like write it but then again yeah if it's too close i'm like no i can't do it now you ruined it i feel better now i feel like i'm not that crazy it might be a sobriety thing everybody makes fun of me on fucking tiktok because i talk about my ocd and how weird i am with shit like i don't shake people's hands i'll hug you but i'm not gonna shake your hand like there's so many things and they're like you're fucking weird i'm like no i'm sober yeah like that's what happens when you get sober like you get like extra clean yeah yeah because i was shitting my pants for so long

doing fucking eight balls of cocaine and fucking smoking newports i don't you know i just fucking smoking too my god i was fucking like ripping some cigs dude bro just stinky ass breath stinky fingers smelling like a fucking pack of cigs i cured myself one night i did i did an eight ball of cocaine with my homies and fucking i smoked two packs of fucking newports

I woke up in the morning. My fingers were brown. My tongue felt like it had hair on it. I couldn't get it off. Like my lips were stained yellow. And I was like, this is fucking gross. Yeah. Like something's got to give like, look at you. You fucking schlub mess. Yeah.

Disgusting. Completely disgusting. Ronnie's really grossed out by cigarettes. Oh, I don't like him either now. Yeah. He got me onto vaping when we first started dating and then he just threw them out and was like, no more. None of this. You know, and I was like, that's fine. But I'm like, fuck. You're like, can I get a fucking warning now? What am I supposed to do? No, eat. Like, there we go. Well, let's talk about your comeback now. So you're sober. You're in a great relationship. Yeah. And you ended up having surgery for your second neck injury, correct? Yes. Yes. And...

you got cleared to fly. Are you not freaked out? - So, okay. So I got my surgery for my neck over five years ago. Oh, I'm sorry. I retired from my neck over five years ago. I got my surgery like a year into it because I couldn't wrestle anymore. So I wanted to just like wait for my next surgery. Cause I'm like, why am I wrestling? You know?

So I got my neck surgery and so Ronnie was there, such a sweetheart. He paid for like a jet to get me home and stuff like that so I didn't have to like worry about anybody around my neck and stuff. It was really sweet. And so, and then, yeah, again, got told I'd never wrestle again. And then I was kind of sitting at home because WWE was just like, well, you're not wrestling and then the pandemic is happening and all these things. So I was sitting at home for years.

and it just felt like I hate doing nothing yeah like it's so it feels like childhood trauma yeah I feel like around yeah it gives me it gives me anxiety it kind of makes me feel like a bum you know and I just like I you have to have a goal yeah that's like that gives you a purpose Dwayne said that he was like you always want to be humble and hungry you know humble because you want people to work with you but hungry because you don't want to get complacent and they just felt like I was in the same spot and I wasn't you know going to you it was just really annoying so like I

I just felt like a bum. And so Ronnie was trying his best. Like during the pandemic, he did, I'm not a vampire revamped. And I was in his music video. So he was beautiful. You're like the ultimate vampire dream. He was so, you know what? Ronnie was like, we were just watching what Jensen was putting together, like the concept. And then he looks at me and he was like, this, this is for you. And I was like, really? And I didn't believe that you'd want me to actually be part of it.

And then the time come and it was really sweet. Like he was, and that was a time where I was wearing a lot of makeup all the time. And so he was like, you need like hardly any makeup. Your head's going to be like ringlets and stuff. And I was like, oh God. But he made me feel really beautiful. So it was really sweet. Well, you looked beautiful. Thanks. I felt good in that. I was like, yeah. And I was like, you know what? It was casting a shadow on my butt chin a little bit. I was like, can we, can you help me out with that fucking crevice on my face?

A little bit too deep. You look like a fucking porcelain doll. I remember I watched the video and I was like, good fucking God, man. They killed it. It's just like the way they fucking edited it.

you look like that in person stop give yourself some credit do you find it hard to say compliments i hate it yeah that's why i'm always like you want to make out yeah i make jokes like that too yeah i can't do it yeah i'm so awkward at taking compliments i'm the worst but you need to it's okay to say thank you because somebody thinks you're beautiful because you are that's what the therapist would say too she was like you have to accept it like if someone's saying compliments to you like you don't have to make a joke just be like

Thank you. Even if it makes you cringe inside. Yeah, it does. It makes me like my heart. My thing is, is I appreciate that. Thank you. I appreciate that. I say I appreciate that too. I say that a lot. I'm like, I appreciate that. Yeah, I say that a lot. So yeah, it was really hard for me to take compliments. And everyone was very like receptive for that video too. And they were just, it was really sweet. Sun exposure ages your skin and increases risk of skin cancer. You already knew this.

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Sign up today. So he did that for me during then. And then I started Twitch. And then I became like the biggest female streamer on there for subscriptions. Like people would just...

we had a ball. We're having the time of our life. You know, we're creating. I remember that era. Oh, it was fucking fun. The sound bites from him on TikTok are still fun. He's fucking batshit crazy. We were having a fucking wild time, dude. And he had his stream room and he made like our bedroom look like a fucking evil lair, you know, like it was just like 30 monitors everywhere. And he's having the time of his life. And then I had the other room, you know, and so we were just having a good time. It got us through the pandemic and stuff. And then,

WWE tried to take a part of my Twitch money and I said no because I was just like you know you're making me sit at home I'm not doing anything other if I was actually working and participating then sure you can take a percentage but you can't take that from me right now so I kind of had a fucking meltdown with it and I went on my Twitch and I did like a whole video and it was posted everywhere and and it was just like WWE is trying to take my my Twitch money you know

and then they didn't bother me with it anymore. And then my contract was coming to the end. So they quickly got my green card situated, which thank gosh, they got that done for me. That was very sweet of them. But ultimately I didn't re-sign with them and they don't, they didn't want to re-sign with me at the time. And so I was like, all right. And I was so scared because the whole time I've been over in America, I've kind of, I've had that stability of that check every week. And even if I'm doing outside stuff, I still had that check every week that made me feel like, you know,

So I kind of had a meltdown to Roni. Like, what are we going to do? He's like, you're going to be fine. Everyone's going to be fine. That's how Jay is with me. Every time I have a freaking meltdown, it's you're going to be okay. You're like, how are you so calm? Meltdown with me. Like, freak out, please. Like, you know, but it helps. You know, it does. Even in that moment, I'm like, stop being so fucking positive. Yeah. But yeah, so he was like, everyone's going to be okay. Like, we'll figure it out. And then we're moving into another house, which he had paid for for us.

because he was like don't give me any money i'll pay for this house and then you know when you start getting money then we can figure it out right so ronnie kind of took the reins on like financials even though i'd save money it's just that check had gone and i was paranoid because i didn't want you grew up in a family we don't have a lot of money you feel like that's it i'm gonna be homeless i'm a money hoarder yeah yeah i hoard money too i'm like ronnie says that i'm a little i could be a little stingy but my husband calls me cheap all the fucking time i'm like i'm not cheap i'm

Frugal. There's a huge fucking difference, dude. Yeah. And so like, yeah, I would run it. Ronnie's a little bit more like doesn't care, you know? Oh, same. My husband fucking is just old fucking best friend Bob over there. Oh, fucking splurge and spin. And like, it's nothing. I was fucking crazy.

clothes he's just like yeah and if you want something he gets it and I like I admire that I'm like I wish I could be that I wish I could do that too but I cannot like I can it's just instilled in me not to do that can't do it and so I'm like everything can be gone tomorrow that's why I keep it so like yeah so when it comes to like that I was like okay thank you like he really saved me from like having a meltdown there and I just really appreciated it

appreciative of him for doing that. But then I started getting a call from AEW and then WWE called me at the same time, right? So Hunter came back. This is like two months into it.

We were packing to move into a new house. Hunter is texting me being like, I would love to get on the phone with you. And I was like, okay. Hunter's Triple H from WWE. And so he calls me and he was like, why did you leave? And I'm like, I didn't. Like my contract ran its course and you guys didn't re-sign me. And he was like, well, I feel like we could still get a lot of money out of you. Like what's the deal? And I was like, yeah, me too. He's like, I see you blowing up online again. Please come back. And so he was like, yeah.

He was like, you know, we can do GM role, like a general manager role. Like I wasn't cleared to wrestle at that point yet. Right. Like I was still like never knowing if I would wrestle ever again. And so we did the, you know, we had the call and he was like, I'll give you a call like with money, like, you know,

an offer at some point. So I was like, okay. But then I started getting a call from AEW and I started getting a call from Chris Jericho and... Right. I was going to say, so what is the difference between WWE and AEW for people who don't know? So it's like the two biggest wrestling companies and now like it was ultimately only the WWE where you could be successful in wrestling. But now there's an alternative which is AEW which isn't as big as WWE but it's really fucking close. Right. Like we're doing like the big arenas, you know, we're doing like

we have an amazing show. We're like, we're filling it out. We have amazing wrestlers. There's just another option for people that want to make it in wrestling. There's another platform, which is awesome. It's like, so WWE is on USA and then, um, AW is on TNT and TBS. Hmm.

So it's just a different platform for people, which is awesome. Like we, like it's nice to see alternatives. Like it's not just one spot. Different owners? Yes. Okay. So you have what it was Vince, not anymore, but it's Nick Khan and Triple H and Stephanie McMahon. And now it's under TKO, which is, owns UFC too. So they're like a combined brand now. And then Tony Khan, who is the owner of, yeah,

I should know this, the Jacksonville Jaguars and Fulham football club. And then he also has a W2. So, um, yeah, so two different owners and, um, it gets competitive at times and there's like very tribalistic fans and it's fine, but yeah, listen, wrestling fans are a different fucking dude. Let me tell you, sister, it was rough coming to a WFS because WWE fans can be like hardcore and then a W fans love their homegrown talent. Yeah. So coming over, like,

I would think they would fucking welcome you with open arms. So they were great the first week, right? So I... So Tony calls me and then I'm like, okay. And then he offers me freedom, which is something that is really, really great for me because I want to be able to do stuff outside of wrestling. And with WWE, you can't do that. You have to ask for permission. And then nine times out of ten, it's a no, right? And I wanted to keep my name. I wanted to be Sarray. I want to build my brand as Sarray, you know, instead of just Paige. What was the defining moment in that? So it's just...

what would me wanted to be called Soraya. I got so used to during the pandemic to be going as Soraya that I actually began to like it. And at first I never let anyone call me Soraya. I felt like it was very personal for me. And that was the one thing in my life that was like not public knowledge, you know? And so like when the movie came out, people started realizing my name was Soraya. So it was kind of hard not to hide the fact that my name was that.

And so, yeah, and then I started going to Soraya on Twitch and changed my social medias to Soraya and stuff like that. And so, yeah, I end up liking that. It felt like I was in control of my own, like...

what's the word my my own um just fucking destiny exactly like my own life you know my own products like it was everything it was mine yeah and i was so used to being controlled by a certain thing that you know i don't want to be controlled anymore by anybody right yeah and so having serea it felt like i was taking back control a little bit so when he said that we'll keep serea you can use ronnie's music you know and and

we'll do something with your brother eventually, you know, it was, and you can have this freedom. And it just was fucking angels. Come on. I'm telling you. I was like, this is what I wanted. It was too good to be true. Good to be true. And then everyone in that company was texting me to try and get me to go over there too. And I was like, okay. So we kept it like a secret from everybody though.

and even Hunter at the time. And I remember I was about to walk out at AEW and I had text Hunter being like, "I'm really sorry. Thank you for everything you've done for me, but I'm going to go to AEW because of XYZ."

and I remember seeing a text pop up and I just gave my phone to Zach my makeup artist I was like I can't read it because I felt like a guilt yeah because like you know WWE did so much for me and I do love them I really do and I don't have anything bad to say against Hunter and stuff like that so yeah you know they helped me they built my brand essentially you know and so like uh they're like a family you literally grew up with them I grew up with them yeah and so like I just felt like a guilty but at the same time I'm like you guys let me go though

So I didn't leave like, see you later. I'm ditching my contract. No, you guys let it run out. And that's...

That's it, right? So then I walk out and the crowd just fucking erupts. Like it was loud. I saw, I watched it. I watched your first walkout and it was wild. It was bonkers. And I was like, how do I do this? And I was so nervous. I hadn't been in a wrestling ring in over five years. And I was terrified. I was like, all these people, like, and I didn't know how to act anymore. I was like, what do I do? So I'm just like walking around and then I lose. I'm like, the girls are supposed to be in a certain place. And they told me they were going to be in that place. But I'm looking somewhere else like, where are you?

Like, look around. Oh, shit. You know, I just didn't know what I was doing. Everyone was really great. Like, it got really good views, really good reaction. It was really good. And then the next week, I did a promo, which is talking in the ring. And again, they don't give you creative in AEW. They don't give you something that you say. Like, in WWE, they either give you bullet points or they give you a script, right? And it helps guide you. Yeah. His...

They don't just like freestyling. Yeah. And I'm like, I don't even know why I'm here because like, I'm not cleared yet. I don't know if I'm going to wrestle. I don't know whether I'm going to be doing anything. So I don't know what I'm going to say on this microphone right now.

And I was so nervous and I used to be a good talker, right? I was very confident on the mic, but I hadn't been in front of a crowd that big in like five years. And you're sober. And I'm sober. Yeah. And so there was nothing to like shield me or help me or like comfort me into that. And so I start talking, I fuck it up. And then I instantly just say, I'm really sorry, everybody. I'm just really nervous. Like, I don't know how to do this anymore, you know? And I just was very like honest with them.

But my God, they fucking tore my ass up afterwards. I was like, oh, and I was just like, I regret coming back to wrestling. I hate it. Everyone's, it was really bad, dude. I cried. I was just like rookie mistake by even looking at social media after you do something, first of all. So I just delete it off my phone these days after I do something. I'm like, no, I'm not going to look at it. It's a good idea. I should start doing that.

It's easier just to delete it. Me and Ronnie both do that. But I was crying and I was sobbing. I was just like, I made a mistake coming back to wrestling. Like, you know, and I realized like,

Fuck them. It's just tribalistic fans, like making fun of me. And like, you know, I go to the opposite company that they want me to go to and I do a hiccup and like, you know, and they're instantly just like, see, she's the shits. We didn't want her anyway. And like, she's a piece of shit. She's a husband. She's this. And it was just fucking awful porn star. They call me all these fucking, just everything under the sun. And it was just really, it made me really fucking sad. And so after a while, you know, I just decided, okay, I'm just going to fucking delete this off my phone. I'm not going to respond.

read into it and then I got the opportunity to do an in-ring promo with Brit and

and I was talking to John Moxley which is another wrestler there Renee's husband Renee Renee's one of my best friends but um he helped me with the promo and he was like you have to be real like don't think of being a character he was like you're Soraya now so just speak about experiences and stuff like that and so when I got in the ring I talked about my fucking I'm yelling at her being like you didn't go through what I went through I went through these tapes I went through addictions I went through this and I just fucking was like it felt like

therapy in the ring but it was so passionate and everyone was just like holy shit and they fucking loved it and I felt like I kind of took my power back a little bit with that promo and it made me feel good that's your testimony though too and how cool is that that you actually are not using a storyline this is your real fucking life this is my life yeah and so like yeah I don't have to pretend you know like I'm really speaking from the soul here like this is me and so it really helped me after that and then you know I got teamed with like Ruby and Toni Storm and I fucking loved them

them sweet angel babies but

They made me feel comfortable again. And now I'm having a lot of fun. And now I do not give a fuck what they say. I don't care if you think I'm being the shits in the ring. If you think I'm being shits on the microphone, I don't care if you think I'm being the shits. I'm having the fucking time of my life. And that's all that matters. I feel like wrestling fans though, that's like how they are. Like one week, they're going to love you. The next week, they're going to fucking hate you. Like it's just so quick. That's how it is. That's how it is on social media in general. Some, some weeks you're on fire. Some weeks you're, you are the fire, the dumpster fire. What the fuck did I do?

this week like oh girl dude i gave up asking what i do anymore i literally just breathe the get mad so yeah i see myself trending and i'm like what the am i training for now and it's either me or ronnie the reason why i'm trending because again we're like a package deal so he'll be going on his on his you know social media rants or whatever

but like we said earlier with ronnie like yeah i'll never stop him from voicing his opinion that's not that's not my place yeah you know and some things we're not gonna 100 agree on but i'm never gonna be like you're a bad but like no yeah and people think he's this then yeah they think he's transphobic and all that kind of thing but i know he's not yeah i know he's not like he's for sure he doesn't hate trans people in any way shape or form

He just views things a certain way. And if you go against what people think on the internet, then they instantly like, you're a phobic this, phobic that. And you're just like, no, I'm not. Everybody wants you to think the same way. They want us to be like robots. And it's wild. It's weird. I said on a podcast, I think it was, I said he's...

I was calling him a bitch, but I was trying to be politically correct about somebody I was talking about. And I said, oh, he sounds like he's embracing his feminine side. Yeah. I got called homophobic for a year now. That's so weird. But how does that... Don't gay men embrace their feminine side? I didn't even know the dude was gay.

Yeah. You know? So that was why, that was the cherry on top. I found out he was gay afterwards and I was just like, oh. But even that's not homophobic. Like, why would they take it like that? I got called a transphobic because fucking all these people, man. Yeah. Don't get me started with these people. But I was under like one of Ronnie's videos. I like, I'll clap back at people, but if you come for my man, you're fucking dead.

You're done. See, I'm the same way. Don't come for my husband if you don't want to fucking deal with me. Yeah, exactly. I'm sure people probably, I'm probably the Ronnie in the relationship online because Jay fucking hates social media. So he never really comes out. I never see him doing anything like crazy. Yeah, ever. But I'm always the one. I love you though. You do it in a good way though. You do it in a classy way. I appreciate it. Sometimes. There's a couple times I'll get under a picture and be like, listen, you fucking ass.

Yeah, I'm the same way. Like that, but that's for Ronnie. I'm just like, listen, you fucking piece of shit. They call me transphobic because I said, why are we labeling everybody? Like if you're a trans woman, fine, I'll call you a woman. If you're a cis woman, I'm just going to call you a woman. I'm not going to label people because you're marginalizing everybody. You want to be a woman? I'll call you a woman. Yeah, but it's like, why does everybody want to be in a box?

- That's what I mean. - You're fighting to be out of the box that you were put in your entire life, but you're putting yourself back into a box by labeling yourself. - Exactly, and that's the only thing I said was like, I don't wanna label people. Like, I don't wanna be called sis. I'm not gonna call you trans because then I'm just reminding people that you weren't born a woman. - I can't keep up with all this shit. - And everyone's got different names. - It's a new thing every week too. And I'm not talking shit. I'm just saying like, all the labels, it blows my mind. I can't do it. - Someone called themselves Bone Brittle the other day.

What the fuck is wrong with her? What is that? Bone braille? Bone brittle. Bone brittle. Yeah. What does that mean? It said...

It's a gender thing. And now that she's a species, it's fucking insane. I'm not laughing at that person. I'm laughing at, I don't understand what bone brittle means. I don't either. It was their gender pronouns that they chose. But I'm just like, when do we draw the line here? Like, I don't understand. Like, I'm not going to call you bone brittle. I'll call you they. If you want to be called they, I'll call you they. I'm not going to call you bone brittle.

I'm not going to call you a cat. I'm not going to encourage that. Right. But like, I, I don't, I'm not transphobic for saying that. I don't think we should have labels. That's ridiculous. Like, I don't think I should be called a sis. I don't think you should be called trans. I think we should just be called woman. Just call it a day. I think trans is like not allowed to be used anymore. Right. I'm not positive, but.

I think you're not even allowed to use the word trans anymore. But they say you have to still use cis. So I'm just like, why are we doing that? That's the confusing part. It's wild because Gabby Tuft came on the podcast and she doesn't even use labels. No, she's amazing. I love Gabby. I just saw her. She's amazing. I love her so much. She's making her comeback too, right? Yeah, so she came to AEW a couple of days ago. And oh my gosh, she's just...

She has such a great like soul. Yeah. Yeah. She has star power too. Like when she walks into a place, you know, she's there. You know what I mean? Like she has such a great energy with her. She's so humble and sweet. Yes. Like I don't think she realizes how cool she is. Yeah. She's super cool. Like she, and she's so like positive all the time. And like she posted a picture of us and I said to her, I was like, I'm really sorry if there's response from people on the internet, that's going to call me transphobic or whatever it is. She was like, I could not give a shit.

I was like, they can't make me change my mind about you. I know you're not. Yeah. I know you're my friend. Like there's no, there's no, yeah. It's always people who have never met you in real life that have the most to say. Always. If you, if some, I can't form an opinion on somebody until I have actually in their energy. Thank you. You know, I don't understand people who are like, oh, she's this and she's that. And I'm like, have you ever shook her hand? Have you ever hugged her? Yeah. You know, like. At a conversation. Yeah. At all.

you know apart from looking at pictures online you just judge people that's how I am too like someone will ask me like if they go to like work away well how's this person I'm like I'm not gonna tell you because it's not my business to like I formed like a certain relationship and it might be different with you yeah figure it out for yourself yeah you figure it out like I'm not gonna be caught being like fucking piece of shit like I'm not gonna do that yeah I'm like fuck that you can figure it out yourself you know but yeah people people just judge us on anything they just think that I'm

some fucking transphobic fucking surgery filled fucking, you know, piece of shit. Yeah. Let's touch base on that really quick. I did see that you're always getting accused of having plastic surgery on your face. And I want to say when I was younger, I looked a lot different too. And people always try to say I've had surgery on my face when I've only had fillers. I've only had a few like fillers under my eyes, my lips and like,

Yeah. Around, I'm trying to think if I am Botox. Yeah. And people will be like, Oh, she's had full on surgery. First of all, why wouldn't we admit it? But two people grow up and grow into their adult faces. Yeah. Baby weight. Yeah. Or when you're drinking, you kind of hold onto that like water. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And then you look a certain way because you're not taking care of yourself and all that kind of stuff. But now I do, now I do take care of myself and now I make sure that my skin looks better. Make sure I drink water. Make sure I don't drink alcohol. Like do these drugs.

but also I had my lips done over five years ago I went to town on them back then but then I stopped and now like they get smaller but they never go away unless you get them like melted or dissolved dissolved and I'm kind of scared of that it hurts yeah I was gonna say you had it done right yes I did it last year and I was like first of all

I had like no lips after I... Remember when I did it? It was like all teeth. Okay. And I was like, I'm never doing... I don't know. Once you have your lips plumped up and then you get them dissolved, it is... To look in the mirror at yourself with no lips, you're like, holy fucking shit. Holy teeth. Yeah. It's like you don't have any lips. So I was like, pump these suckers back up, dude, but do it right. Yeah. No, I just...

I chose not to keep on doing it. I was just like, because I went a little too crazy where I look like a psychopath. I'm just like, okay, like, it's all lips. You know what I mean? Like, it looks terrifying. So I stopped doing it. And so, you know, you have like the little particles that's still in there because I did a lot.

They're not as big as they used to be though. But people think I got my cheeks down. I'm like, my mom has great cheekbones, dude. Like I don't, like I get it from my mom, right? And then I get Botox. For sure, I get Botox. I don't get it here. I get it here, across here, right here. You know, the usual spots. But that's all I do. People think I've had my nose down, my cheeks down. I'm like, thank you. But no, I haven't. No. I appreciate it. I saw that you had to deal with that too. And I was like, good Lord, people will do anything to fucking just pick a woman apart.

But they don't realize that makeup too. Oh, I love it. Oh, dude. You could change your whole fucking bone structure. Zach can make me look like I'm not fucking breathing. Yeah, I mean, like I have no fucking nostrils. Like it's gone. But like people don't realize the art that goes into makeup. Oh, yeah. Like you can make you look like you have tiny eyes, big eyes, like fucking like, you know, even more chiseled. It's an illusion. It's literally an optical illusion. Yeah. And it's mostly men, you know, that don't realize. Oh.

Always. That look like fucking human thumbs. Every time you go look at somebody's profile talking shit, they look like a thumb. Like, it's just crazy. Everybody though. I always say that. You never see a decent looking person talking shit. Ever. It's always fucking algos. Yeah. I'm like, you're just projecting because you're a fucking hideous. Yeah. You know? And like, so...

it's again i don't take offense to it unless i'm on my period and then it's like i'm not i can get surgery i've had my tits done twice yeah you know and that's a nice rack by the way solid rack i actually saw my doctor on the fucking plane and he didn't remember me oh you son of a bitch you're like he's like i only recognize you by your tits you're so i did your chest and i was like yeah

It was a long time ago, but you did them like twice. And I, you know, when you first get them done, I felt like they weren't big enough. So then I did them again, like six months later. And then now I'm like, maybe I'll go a little bit smaller. I just can never be happy with stuff. This episode is sponsored by auto trader credit scores, down payments, interest rates,

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No, I had my boobs done and I went way too big when they gave me the Twilight shot. I went in and I was like, pump them up, dog.

dog. And he, I really grabbed him. Like I was fucked up. I was like, pump him up. And he fucking takes me in the emergency room. And I'm talking about, I came out with the biggest fucking Kazanga's dude. They grew to be like a size E. Like it was, they were huge dude. And I had them, I had my implants taken out. Yeah. I was like, fuck this. You don't have any implants. I have nothing in. They did a little lift and like, you know, took the implants out. You've got great boobs. No, I love you. I appreciate you. I'm scared if I take them out, they're just going to be like skinned.

It's wild how much the human body fucking kind of knows what to do. Like they fluff back up. That's good. Yeah, it's wild. I might do that. Listen, when I'm 60 and my titties are fucking like runny eggs, I might fucking get my tits done again. You never know. Just roll them back up again.

Like fruit roll-ups. Yeah. Well, Soraya, what... Okay, so you guys are planning on moving to Nashville. What can we expect in the future from you? Yeah, so I was talking about my book coming out. So we're figuring out a date for that. But it's finally got done, which is a lot of work, as you know. Yay. Like, pen to paper. Yeah. And you don't realize, like, you forget shit all the time. And then you're like, wait, let's go back to that. It's really, like...

it's wild process. So you've been writing it for the past like year? Yeah, yeah. And now we finally got it done and now I got the photos done for the cover. Like everything's kind of, yeah. Oh, how exciting. Yeah, so that's really cool. And then, you know, me and Ronnie do have some fun things collaboratively coming up in a few months. So fingers crossed on that because it's really exciting. I'll tell you after the podcast.

Are you going to be singing on a falling in reverse? No, no, no. He tries. He tries. I have a phobia with singing. Really? Yeah. I have a phobia with singing. Why? I'm terrified of it. He got me in the studio one time and he was trying to get me to sing. And I had like this full, like body shake, sweating. And I'm like, it fucking terrifies me because I would do it when I drink. Karaoke was my jam. I love that shit. Oh man. But get me doing it sober. Yeah. No, thank you. But he got me to do it. He managed to get me to, and he was like, this is,

it's good and then he like recorded it I think Shelby heard it too he recorded it on like some backing track or whatever oh no no no I sang Run Up That Hill that was it and uh he started showing everybody and I was like were you fucking strong you're like gonna kill me dude but yeah he was very excited for me I love that what is the name of your book do you have the name yet we do yeah I might as well just say it yeah it's gonna be called Hell in Boots aww cause I'm always in Doc Martens like and I wrestle in Doc Martens and growing up I always wore Docs so it's like do they sponsor you

Huh? Do they sponsor you? No, they should though. Yeah. What the fuck? The fuck? My little ass kickers and you're still not freaking sponsoring me? Literally. And you've been wearing them for years too. Yeah. I love Doc Martens. We need to work on that. I mean, they're a bitch to break in. I'm going to be honest with you. That's what Mimi says. She wears them all the time too. And she's like, dude, my fucking feet hurt so bad. So I wrestle and all my gearbox got stolen from work. Like someone stole all my stuff and I had my broken in Doc Martens in it and I had to wrestle like the next week.

dude i went to dog martin for him and for a week i was trying to break him in and i was in so much pain i had blisters all the way up here i was crying anyway sponsor me because i really enjoy your shoe but they're a bitch dude they fucking hurt i've never i haven't gotten into the dog martins just because of that like i'm a puss when it comes to anything on my feet like i don't give me a blister don't give me a splinter nothing like i have baby feet i can't wear them yeah i feel like

women who can wear red bottoms have skinny feet and i have feet like fred flintstone me too so like spread out like close them up sister close them up yeah like i like i can't they're too wide i know what he's talking about um yeah with these renee actually told me that the best way to do them is to have like a pad that you stick to the back of your have you done that does it work for you mine sometimes slips off so i started using um they're called boot socks

Oh. It's a pad in the sock. Okay. When you walk, it's not moving around. Does it work? Oh. Okay, okay. I'll give it a whirl. Why don't you guys just buy a bigger size? Does that give you more blisters too? Yeah. And then they're quite heavy too. They're not like... Yeah. They're the most comfortable boots you'll ever wear.

Oh, I fucking love him. Yeah. It sounds like fucking torture. It's like your feet have to bleed. They have to fucking blister. Like, fuck that. I'm good. I was my manager the other day. Actually, he was like, I'm surprised your feet aren't fucked up because like I was I was doing the shoot for my book cover and like, you know, they're trying to get me in these shoes or whatever. And he was just like, I'm actually quite surprised by your feet.

because you wrestle in Doc Martens and stuff like that. And you have pretty feet? They're not bad. I don't like them. I feel like I've got like hammerhead toes or something like that. I take off my mom's. Her toes are fucked up. They're throwing up West Side and shit. Yeah, oh, my sister roasts my fucking toes all the time. A little too bad. Ronnie has pretty feet and I don't like feet. And I was like, you have nice feet. What happened to me? Yeah.

What the fuck? My husband has the most soft feet ever and mine have like calluses and I have to like get out the fucking thing to shave them all the time. You're touching them with your feet and he's just like, ow, you know. Yeah, I feel like guys have the sweetest feet. I don't know how they fucking... Eyebrows, eyelashes. Yeah, fuck them. Naturally good skin. Tired of them. And they age good. Let's leave them. They all fucking age good. Let's run off together. Let's do it. Yeah.

Yeah. Shelby, you too. Bye, Tyler. Yeah. Bye, Tyler. Yeah. So do you have a drop date for your book? Not yet. We're figuring it out. Okay. But soon. But yeah. And then every week on TBS or TNT for Collision. But yeah, they can watch me every week.

But yeah, it's going to be an exciting year, so I can't wait. But there's so many projects where you can't be like, I can't say anything, but there's exciting shit coming up, I promise you. So make sure you pay attention. We'll tell everybody where to follow you so that they can keep up with you if they're not already following you. Yes. Okay, so Saraya on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok. It's just S-A-R-A-Y-A. That's it.

And that's it. Go follow and watch the show, babies. Yeah. Thank you for coming on the podcast. You make it so easy. Oh, I appreciate you. I usually hate them. Some people come on the podcast and don't say anything. And you fucking were just...

It was great. I don't stop talking. I'm sorry. No, I love it. I'm like, no, please. I love that. I hate having to try to pull shit out of people. And I just love how warm and welcoming you are. I really appreciate that. I love you. Let's go make out right now. Excuse me.

Yeah, I know. But usually people would like, sorry, I know I'm still continuing. No, you're good. But sometimes people ask me the same questions over and over and over again. And you just, it's just a breath of fresh air. So I thank you so much. Oh, I appreciate that so much. Well, I can't wait to hear and see and watch and just everything. And,

Are you and Ronnie going to get married or what's happening? Oh, gosh. You know what? I'm one of those people that doesn't want to force it. I only want to be married once. Yeah. And I want to be married to him. Like he's my he's my end goal here, you know. So I just whenever he's comfortable. Yeah. And I don't push it again. I'm not being like tick tock in my head. I'm like tick tock. But like I would never. Like my biological clock is ticking. Even my mom's asking. She was not about like wedding. She was like, you want to have like a baby? Like are you just going to be an animal mom?

the whole time and I'm like well it's very difficult for me to have a baby I got I actually nearly died one time we're going into another fucking story I'm sorry you're trying to clock out no you're good you're good Ronnie was on tour and it was like his last day tour thankfully and he was like a stone throw away so he just had to get like a 40 minute flight and and

I didn't realize at the time that I was like even pregnant, but I started bleeding out because I was having an ectopic pregnancy. Oh my gosh. I've had two. It's terrifying. It's the most painful thing in the fucking world. Oh my gosh. We had cameras in the house, but I wasn't answering Ronnie because I was throwing up too. I was like projectile phobia. I was crawling on the floor. You know, it's fucking painful. And then I also had a cyst. So it was even more fucking painful. Yeah.

So then I just like, he calls that ambulance for me. They come. I had crawled out the door and closed the door, but when you close the door, it locks. So then I had to like, they had to carry me all the way around to go for the doggy flap because they were scared of Lobster, who's a pit bull. So I had to climb for the fucking doggy flap to unlock the door so I can get all my belongings. And like they had left like something, something was in there. Right. But, um,

They took me to the hospital nearby and then a trainee doctor, I didn't know she was a trainee doctor, but like I'm covered in blood and they're trying to clean me up and stuff like that. You know, they're giving me morphine. And then she's just like, I'm like, what's going on? She's like, you have an ectopic pregnancy. And I'm like, am I going to die? And she pretty much just confirms that I'm going to die. Right. So I'm just like, and I start calling Ronnie. I'm like, why would she tell you that you're going to die? It's okay to cry. And I'm like,

So I start fucking panicking and I'm calling Ronnie. Ronnie's sobbing. He doesn't cry, but he's sobbing. He gets on the plane, gets to the house, drives over, right? He comes running in and he's fucking sobbing his ass, right?

And he's like, I'm so sorry. He's like apologizing to me. And I'm just like, I don't know what to do. Like, this is it. This is the end of me. Like, see you later. But then like, I'm not laughing at you. I'm just laughing at you. Like, this is the end of me. See you later. Yeah. And then my doctor actually comes in. She was in a surgery. So she comes in later on. And then she was just like, and I tell her and I was like, she was like, I don't know why she said that to you. She's not supposed to give you any kind of, you know, information. She's a trainee doctor. She's supposed to be here just to keep an eye on you. Yeah, like what the fuck, lady? Yeah, but she was like, you're safe. You're fine.

we're gonna get you into surgery right now we'll get it all fixed did they remove your tube everything like they fixed everything for me which is great and then they removed the cyst too like it's

It's good. I was saved. And Ronnie, he couldn't sleep over, but he was right next to us. So he came early the next day, put me in a wheelchair. I'm like, Ram yellow. I haven't even paid the bill yet, you know. But he was just like, he just wanted to get me home and he took care of me. So, yeah. So my mom was asking about like, when are we going to have kids? And I was like, I don't know, mom, I'm pretty terrified. So I'm going to freeze my eggs. Yeah.

And maybe go to like the surrogate room. Yeah. Or whatever it is. But Ronnie already has a child, Willow. And I'm pretty happy with being a stepmama, you know. You know, you have your daughter too, you know. Yeah, absolutely. And it's really nice when you have, you know, a kid that really likes you too. Absolutely. Willow's awesome. When we have her here, she's like...

really she wants to be around me all the time which is nice she probably thinks you're cool as fuck yeah she was like you know when when you and my dad get married because she'll say it to him she'd be like uh she was like when are you gonna get married it's been like five years you know she's like i want to be a flower girl dad oh she loves it she wants like like a sister she wants like you know it's really sweet she's a really good kid

Jay and I tried to do the infertility thing, the fertility thing. And I went in for a test and I forget the name of the test, but it's where you go in and they shoot stuff in your tubes to find out if they're

That is the most painful test I've ever been through. And I went by myself and they're like, this is worse than child labor. And they tell me this after, cause I'm like, I'm hurting. And like, I'm walking to the car and I'm just in so much pain. And I told my husband, I was like, I love you, but unless you really want to have kids, like let's go the surrogate route. I was like, I don't think I can put my body through any more shit. It's been through some shit. And she's just like, no ma'am, you know? So like,

And that's fine. It's okay. You can do it. Surrogate. You can adopt. Like there's so many other fucking avenues that you can do. And that's kind of like how, how I want to do it too. Like I, I don't, I don't know if I'm comfortable enough to carry, but I would, I would love to have a kid. I feel like, you know, I'd be a good, good mom. Yeah. I think you'll be an amazing mom.

mom you are an amazing mom but you don't have to compliment me every time I compliment you I'm like no but you you stop saying anything about me yeah no I'm really bad like that you have a lot of love to give and you know I think that it's all gonna happen you're living your fairy tale right now so it's just all unfolding in front of our eyes thank you yeah well thank you for coming on yeah I know

well thank you for coming on the podcast and please come and check in with me you know every year every couple years and just come back and let me know what's up absolutely thank you i appreciate you thank you guys for listening to another episode of dumb blonde i will see you guys next week bye