Melissa Etheridge: I'm Not Broken
01:24:21 Share

I love a great deal as much as the next gal, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. No hoops, no BS. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with

purchase of a three month plan. I called them on it. Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for $15 a month. The longest part of the process was the time I spent on hold waiting to break up with my old provider. Other than that, going with Mint Mobile was easy purchase, easy activation and easy use website baby. To get started,

go to mintmobile.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. There, you'll see that right now, all three month plans are only $15 a month, including the unlimited plan. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's

largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just 15 buckaroos a month, go to mintmobile.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. That's mintmobile.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month and

at mentmobile.com slash bunny. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Ment Mobile for details.

Let's talk about our favorite fall scents. I love marshmallows. I love the smell of s'mores. I love the smell of dark chocolate. I love the smell of rain on a dreary autumn night. Not a pumpkin spice latte fan, though. Sorry, ladies. But you want to know what's not on this list? B.O., let's face it.

Summer isn't the only time we get body odor. We can get just as smelly under our favorite fall sweaters. That's why I'm excited to tell you about Lume's whole body deodorant for pits, privates, and beyond. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. Use code BUNNIEXO. B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, baby. Absolutely.

loomideodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. You guys already know I've been preaching to you for months now. I absolutely love Lume products. And now that I'm on tour under pressure 24 seven, what do I got with me? A whole case full of Lume, you bet your buttons. Lume starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant,

Cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack.

Use code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeodorant.com. That's code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Hey guys, I need to ask you a question.

I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have Popaganda. We have more shows that we're adding and...

And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Not only that, we have four tiers that caters to everybody's budget and everybody gets the podcast. There's no more excuses. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Stop missing out. We have built a huge community over there, guys. I'm talking about hundreds of thousands of people over there. We even have

Live chats, live chats that I actually am talking in every single night. Last but not least, we give away gifts every freaking month. I'm talking like signed stuff from Jay and I, lives. You just never know what kind of surprise you're gonna get. It's like a Cracker Jack box. I love the community that we've built over there at Patreon. If you are already a Patreon member,

I freaking love you, dude. Thank you so much. You guys are my babies for life, my writers. If I could, I would literally make out with each and every one of you. I love you guys so much. And that's a lot of kisses, actually. Gotta go, bye.

Is this thing on? What's up, babies? Today, we have a rock and roll angel in the house. And I am so honored to have Ms. Melissa Etheridge in the house, baby. Yay. How are you doing? I am fantastic. Dude, I never thought, this is like a dream come true. I just have to tell you, I don't think you realize how many nights I took my clothes off to your music. I

I'm telling you, man. Yes. When I was in the strip club, you were my jam on the stage, baby. My crew used to go. We'd do a show if we had a night off. They would go to the strip clubs, and it would bum them out so much. Every time my songs came on, they'd be like, the boss is watching us. No.

I love that. We just went to a strip club literally two weeks ago, and we went to go see male weenie boys. That's what we call them. Yeah. Some guy comes out to a jelly roll song. I was like, son of a bitch. I know. She totally kills everything. I was like, my lady boner is gone. Lady boner is gone, dude. No, but for real. Because I stripped in the early 2000s. So, I mean, you were on fire. Thank you. I've had fun in some strip clubs before.

hearing my songs. I bet. Oh my gosh. I could only imagine the type of attention you got. I had, there's so much I want to talk to you about. And I, it's like, I don't even know where to start. So let's kind of start with your childhood. I know that you wrote a book, um,

you know, regarding like an autobiography regarding your childhood and growing up and stuff like that. But for the listeners at home who haven't gotten to read that book yet, let's kind of deep dive a little bit into where you came from and what made you who you are. Oh, yeah.

Okay. I feel like everybody's childhood kind of puts them on a trajectory of where they're going to go in life. Absolutely. And that's where you get acceptance and appreciation, no matter what happened in your childhood, that it really made who you are today. And that's myself. I grew up in the Midwest. I grew up in Kansas. I grew up in Leavenworth, Kansas, which was a...

town in Leavenworth, but a very small town anywhere in the world. And it had a prison there, and that's what we're kind of famous for. It actually had five prisons there. I always loved music. I don't remember not ever loving music. My sister was older than me. She played records. My parents played a lot of records. I had the... I grew up in the 60s and 70s, so I had...

the great radio and the great rock and roll. And we had a station in Kansas City. We could hear it in Leavenworth. That used to play everything. It would play country music. I could hear Tammy Wynette. Then I could hear Marvin Gaye. Then I could hear Led Zeppelin. Then I could hear some pop song. And it was truly top 40 radio from everywhere. So I just had all this influx of great music. Loved it. My father brought a guitar home when I was...

No, I was eight. My sister was 12. He brought it home for her. And I was like, but, you know, I love the Archies. I used to pretend I was Reggie. And, you know, and they finally let me play, even though they said I was too young and my fingers would bleed. And they did bleed, but I kept playing at eight years old. And then when I was 11, I went to a talent show in the plaza, sang ballads.

actually a song that I had written, a very folksy kind of song. Did you always write music? I did. Just from the start? You picked up a guitar and started writing music? I understood, to me, from the music I'd heard, from the Bob Dylans to the Paul Simons to Joni Mitchells, these artists that I was getting in my childhood that...

If you wanted to reach people with your music, you became the whole thing. You wrote songs about your life. That's just how I understood it. I feel like that's a real musician, though. You know, like the people that you grew up on, that I grew up on also, they were real musicians. Like they poured their heart out through their pens. Yeah, that's how I understood it. And when I was hearing a song...

I was like, yes, that's where I wanted to go. And so I always started writing. And my first songs were very childish and very, you know, copying what I had heard and what was out there. But I loved it. And through this talent show, I was in a variety show. And we performed in prisons and no folks homes and stuff like that. But through that, I got with a band. There was just a country band in town called Black.

Chuck Hammersmith and the Wranglers, you know, and I sang Tammy Wynette songs. How old were you? 12. Oh my goodness. 12, 13. And then from 12 to 17, I played in real bands. I went from that to a band in Kansas City where I fronted it with like four guys and

They taught me how to play the organ, the keyboards. They taught me how to play drums. Wow. Just because I was just, you know, hey, how do you do that? And I was that age, you know, I was 14, 15, 16. And I sang all, you know, the pop songs. And I made money every weekend. I had my first car that I bought at 14. That's insane. I mean, I wasn't...

wealthy, but I, you know, I was, I had my own money as a child. But you had that drive to just, I loved it. Where do you think that drive came from? Because I have heard you be very vocal about your relationship with your mother. Yeah. Can we dive into that a little bit? Where did dad stand in that situation? And then also we have some uncomfortable stuff with the sister too. Oh yeah. So sorry. Please let everyone know that's the dog. Okay. I, uh, I, I,

I grew up in the Midwest in the 60s and 70s and I was a child in the 60s. Right. And it's so hard to explain now what it was like back then and especially in the Midwest. My parents, they grew up in, my father grew up in poverty. He grew up as a migrant farmer. His father was an alcoholic and, you know, he pictures of him as a child with, you know, it looks like the dirt, you know, the dust bowl. That was my father's life. Wow.

And he had someone help him in his high school. He was very athletic. And so they got him a scholarship to a college. And that was the only reason he got out of that. And he became a teacher and a high school coach. Yeah. And he was a, he was that guy. He was supremely nice. He cared about people. He was fun. He taught me how to, you know, hit a ball and run around. And, and my mother, she,

She grew up in, well, her father was an insurance salesman kind of guy. So she wasn't poverty, but she was lower income, trying to be more. And she went to college because that's where you find husbands. No. Met my father. Ladies and gentlemen, that's where you find husbands. Yeah, right. Exactly. Back in the 50s, that's what you did. Yeah. But she was extremely intelligent and loved books, loved...

was sort of trapped in this life and at... She didn't know how to raise children. But when I was three, she got a job as a secretary and in the 60s quickly became... Like, remember the movie Hidden Figures? The women that... It's these women that actually did all the work in early computing. Oh, wow. And they would run the computers and...

And she did it for the Army. There was an Army base right there in Leavenworth. And then the generals would take all the credit and pay her half what anybody else's. It was just, she became very bitter. That's amazing. I'm so sorry. No, she became very bitter. She would drink at night.

She became bitter? Yeah. Just for... Because her intelligence that she was trying to get out there, she would work for the army in war games and scenarios. And they would kind of probably put her down and... Yes, and they would take her... She's not a very healthy environment. Yeah, just...

Back then, women didn't work and they weren't the smart ones. So the men had to take all the credit. I also feel that people who have higher intellect like that, for some reason, they always try to mask in other ways. Like it's almost like their intelligence is just too much for them to carry. Yeah. My husband's sister is like that. And they don't have any fun in life. And she just didn't.

And, you know, now as a grown-up and a mother myself, I'm like, oh, she did the best she could. But at the time, as a child, you take it personally. You think, oh, she doesn't love me because I'm not lovable. You internalize that. Yeah, and so I internalize that, as did my older sister, and she did it in a different way. She lashed out. She was the bad child. She was and just was always in trouble and angry at the world and did everything.

take it out on me and took it out in different ways, physically, sexually, just all for a couple years when I was looking for, you know, acceptance and love of some kind. Were those things happening to her? This I don't know. You know, I asked her once, I did after I grew up, I said, you know, is this something that happened to you? And she said that she did. She said when she was five years old that the boy across the street was

But she said, but I don't think of it as abuse because I liked it. And I think she took that on for the rest of her life sort of and became very, you know. That's powerful in a weird way, you know, because it was kind of like she turned her pain into...

you know, that helped her deal with it. Very different lives. And yeah. And she's, how do you, how is your relationship with your sister now? Because going through physical and sexual abuse with a, you know, a sister, it's like, how is that bond? Were you guys able to be able to look past that or has it always? No, I was, um, I enabled for a while. I mean, I love my family and, and the,

You might know, when you make a lot of money all of a sudden, it becomes very weird with your family. I've had to cut motherfuckers off left and right. I'm just telling you. Because you want to make people happy. And back then, I thought, oh, well, if I provide this, then they'll...

they'll do this and and they never do it does it just doesn't you can't do it for anyone else it it takes away their desire anyway but uh my sister tried that and and I had to cut everything off and I did and nowadays I think I saw I hadn't seen her like 17 years and I saw her I I her daughter and I are very close I I helped her daughter out and um and I'll just see her and she

Hey, she's just a cranky old lady now as far as I know. So she embodied your mom kind of a little bit. That's exactly what happens. You might have taken on your dad and she took on your mom. That's exactly. It's crazy. Yeah. No, I get it. I have two sisters that I don't communicate with. I actually just started taking care of my older sister again, just paid for like surgery for her. She's done me so wrong. And it's like, I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop. Like you're being sweet now, but I can only imagine.

what you're going to try to sell to the tabloids next, you know? It's crazy, isn't it? Yeah, no, it's wild that we even have to deal with stuff like that. Moving on from that situation, you started playing in bars when you were 12 years old. What in the hell? Like, I know it was a different era back then. I feel like the era of like the, I wasn't around the seventies, but the eighties, the nineties, and even the two thousands were

was such a fucking cool time. Like, right? Compared to now, I feel like everybody's offended about everything. Like, you can't fucking say anything. Like, I just feel like back then was just like such a more lax era, I guess you could say. It was more magical, it almost felt like, you know? There was a lot of magic. Yes, sometimes I look back and my wife will laugh when I say, you know, I was playing a prison and I showed her a picture of

the whole act that went in there with me. I sang, but we had dancers and comedians and

you know, acrobat people, you know, and they were all in completely inappropriate outfits in the 60s, right? Going into a prison. Right. So that was that. Now the bars, my father would go with me every single time. I was never without my father. So dad was like a constant figure in your life. Constant. That's amazing. He didn't drink. He would go, he would sit there with a Coke and just, and he would listen and then he would help me carry my equipment out. And he was...

I think he liked it because we would go every Friday and Saturday night, every weekend. And I think the marriage was maybe a little... Because she was having a hard time. And it was a very peaceful time for him and I. We would really enjoy each other's company and just...

And he would go sit and listen. And he wasn't one that, like, critiqued me. And he didn't also, wow, you're really good or anything like that. He just did it. He just knew it was something that made you happy. Absolutely. And he just supported it. Yeah, he did. That's amazing. That's really cool. With that situation that was going on with your mom, too, just circling back to that, how did you not...

internalize your mom's anger and pain? Like how did you avoid that? Do you think your relationship with your father helped you to not internalize it? Hmm. Cause I know how it is to be around people with depression and sometimes it's very easy to soak up their energy too. Yeah. Well, I got out of there as fast as I could. Okay. When I was 18, like I graduated high school and

and I went to college for a minute. You went to Berkeley College, right? Not just anybody can get into Berkeley College, by the way. Well, it's true. That's true back then. But I didn't go for very long. I only went for a few months because I wanted to sing and play. And I'd already been playing and making music, so I just found a restaurant that had a lounge in it that I could go play and I could make money and work on my dream. I really was not...

kind of girl that was sitting there. A studious. It was not a studious musician. No. I feel like musicians, you have to be creative. You can't just be put, as there are some who can do that, but the majority, you're creative. You can't be like stifled by a classroom. No, it was great. The minute they would tell me you have to do this note has to come after that. I'm like, it does not. It's music. What are you saying? There has to do this. But that was a, it was more of a jazz based thing. And that's a whole different mindset.

But even to get accepted into Berklee, like that's a huge feat. That just goes to show what kind of musician you are though, because like I think they said that it's like a 54% acceptance rate to even get into there now. Wow, that's amazing. That's great.

Back then it wasn't like that. It was brand new, but you know, it's all good. And it is a very good school. And I actually got an honorary doctorate from them. So it really pisses the rest of my family off. I love it. The wild child gets the doctorate. I love that. The black sheep turns into the goat. There you go. There you go. I've never heard that. That's why I love it. I stole it. It was a meme.

It was a meme and I was like, I relate. So I just stole it. How did you define your sound? Because you have such a raspy, just bluesy, just your voice is just so amazing. Well, I sang from the, from the time I was 13. Yeah. Did you have that bluesiness and that rasp even at 13? Well, I,

I played in country bands first, even though I didn't, that wasn't my first choice of music. I listened a lot, a lot to it. I, you know, your classic stuff. Um, but I would sing all those songs and they're all very throaty, very full, you know, the Tammy, why not? And even Linda Ronstadt, that sort of singing like that. And I'd listened to Gladys Knight. I'd listened to Aretha and I'm like, you got to sing from, from here. And, um,

I guess I've always sort of had this voice because I do remember the choir teacher I also went to

I'd go play in the bars and then I'd go to church on Sunday. I love that. That's what we do. Rock and roll angel, baby. There you go. But I would sing in the choir and she used to put me in the very back because she'd say I had the weirdest voice. Oh. So it's kind of, it's a good thing now. It's good. I'm very grateful for my voice. I bet she fucking ate shit when she saw you winning Grammys. There's been a few of those. I've got many of those. I'm good there. But it's just something that has developed over

And I've worked on it, and it's sort of a week. It sounds like I drink a lot of whiskey and smoke a bunch of cigarettes. I love it. I write like that. I've written songs, and I'm smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey, but I don't. Yeah. I never did. Did you maintain your sobriety even all through childhood and teenage? Alcohol was never a problem with me. One, because I saw my mom. Right. And I saw my father, who didn't drink, and I said, I want to be like Dad. I just, that's...

I tend to think that children go where it's warm, you know, and that was warm. And I'd play at 13, 14, 15, and I'd see these people get drunk, and I'm like, well, that's stupid. And nothing attractive about it. It held nothing attractive. I'd see people get all sloppy and stuff at the end of the night. And fights, oh, my God, you know, beer bottles thrown and hiding behind the organs so the chairs don't get chipped. You know, I saw a lot.

I could only imagine at such a young age and the bars back then were just crazy. Yes. They were not very politically correct. Oh no, there's nothing like that about there. But again, I always felt safe. My father was there every single night. I love that. We love dad. Is dad still alive? No, I lost dad at 30. It was really, really difficult. Oh my God. I just lost my dad in May. So I can only imagine how that goes.

Yeah, it's brutal. But they're always here. Yeah. He's been there 30 years. He's been there. For sure. I've never seen more fucking butterflies. I'm like, Bill, I get the damn point. Okay.

I got it. I got it, Dad. I know you're here. Do you love mysteries? Have you ever dreamt about being a detective? Now you can. Step into the role of June Journey and help her uncover the mystery of her sister's murder in this hidden object mystery game that puts your detective skills to the test. Search for hidden objects from the parlors of New York to the sidewalks of Paris.

Set out on a journey through the glamorous Roaring Twenties. Customize your very own luxurious estate island. Build your very own island estate with expansive gardens and beautiful buildings. Collect scraps of information to fill your photo album and learn more about each character. Mystery, danger, and romance. Where will each new chapter take you? Discover your inner detective when you download June's Journey for free today on iOS and Android.

Let's talk about our favorite fall scents. I love marshmallows. I love the smell of s'mores. I love the smell of dark chocolate. I love the smell of rain on a dreary autumn night. Not a pumpkin spice latte fan, though. Sorry, ladies.

But you want to know what's not on this list? B.O. Let's face it, summer isn't the only time we get body odor. We can get just as smelly under our favorite fall sweaters. That's why I'm excited to tell you about Lume's Whole Body Deodorant for pits, privates, and beyond. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. Use code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, baby, at Lume.

at LumeDeodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. You guys already know I've been preaching to you for months now. I absolutely love Lume products. And now that I'm on tour under pressure 24-7, what do I got with me? A whole case full of Lume. You bet your buttons. Lume's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant,

Cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack.

Use code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, for 15% off your first purchase at LumeDeodorant.com. That's code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. So moving on from Berkeley, how old are you then when you start venturing out and you got your first...

record deal when? Because I know you dropped your first album in 1988. When was the space in between there that you got signed? So I finally, I went back to Kansas after Boston, made enough money, played at a restaurant, Granada Royale Hometown, played in the lounge, made enough money, buy a car, got a car, drove to Los Angeles in 1982. So I was 21 years old.

And L.A. in the 80s was magnificent. It was great. Tell me about it. It was magnificent. Tell me about it. Because I got to grow up with the Hollywood, too, in the 80s and the 90s. And it was like so, you know, as a child, seeing that. It was a drama queen's thing.

It was theater. It was, we're going to wear our hair so weird. We're going to try to do everything weird and against until it became the style, you know, until everyone's doing it. You know, I remember. That's where they got the nickname Holly weird. Yes. You know, we, we, we would shave the side of our heads and, you know, cause I went in with the lesbian crowd, you know, the gay crowd, the deep, deep,

You know, and we're just we're just the weirdest ones ever. You know, we're we were the first ones to go to the Salvation Armies and get the vintage clothing and stuff like that. You know, no, that was back when you could walk in and find amazing. Yeah, that you'd think, why would someone throw this away? So we we were living that. And I loved it. And I got really deeply into the whole lesbian world because I ended up.

Playing lesbian bars. So you played like the gay circuit? Oh, yeah. There wasn't even a gay circuit back then. Because I know in Vegas they had one. There was like a whole little circuit that you could go and just... They called it the Fruit Loop. But it was like... They said it in the most endearing way, you know? Of course. So I didn't know if Hollywood had one of those too. No, we didn't have a Fruit Loop. But we had a lot of fruits and nuts. But no, these were just like...

The bars, one was in Long Beach. I love Long Beach. Yeah, and it had just opened. But I ended up playing a place in Pasadena and Long Beach and

And hardly ever in L.A. because there wasn't a live music scene. But I had created these. They weren't looking for work. I actually was there on a date and saw a piano in the corner and said, hey, do you have music? They said, no, that came with the steakhouse that used to be here. But you want to play it? So they let me. I created these jobs because there was nobody making money in Hollywood. Everyone was playing for free. Wow. And so I played for...

Four years in these bars and I thought how am I ever going to be signed in a lesbian bar? No one's ever going to see me but slowly the wife who was a soccer coach and

The girls brought her in, you got to hear this girl. And then the wife tells the husband who's a manager, a music manager, managed bread and whatever. He comes down, he's like, well, and this is 1983. And he sticks with me for, well, we ended up working together for 30 years. But he said, look, I don't know what's happening, but I believe you have a great talent. I think you can do this. And he even said, he goes, stay in the lesbian bars forever.

I will bring the people to you. You're making money, right? You're making a living. You can pay your rent. And every single record company over those four years came out to see me. Wow. And they would go, like Warner Brothers brought out all the tables and there'd be, I don't know whether it was because they were surrounded by lesbians or what it was, but they would always then say, oh, we don't hear a hit. And they never knew. And it wasn't until 1984.

1986. 1986, I'm playing in Long Beach.

And a producer guy who had tried to get me a deal with A&M knew Chris Blackwell. Chris Blackwell owned Island Records. He discovered Bob Marley. He brought Bob Marley to the world. He was from Jamaica. He was this eccentric, rich son of the Blackwell soups or something and Jamaican. And he brought U2, Robert Palmer. He was just a great music guy. And he walked into the bar.

heard four songs and said, I don't know why you're not signed and signed me right there. Just boom, just like literally on a napkin, you know, you literally paved your own way. Like you did it your way and you brought your, your energy was so pure and so magnetic that you brought all of these straight people into lesbian bars to come and see you. That's amazing.

It's fun because I've run into some of the people that came out and said no, and they were like, oh, well, we made a mistake. It was really nice to see these old white gray-haired guys saying, oh, well, we made a mistake. When did you know that you were lesbian? Like that you just were not into men? Or was it something that you were...

you know, you have crushes on your kindergarten teacher, but you know, who doesn't as a kid, I think sexuality is a, you know, Miss Lanuti had a great ass. Come on. I still remember her name. Yeah. Yeah. Mine was Mrs. Rice. Anyway. So there we go. You know, and you as a child, but then when the hormone stuff starts kicking in and my friends are, you know, looking at Bobby and Jimmy and I'm looking at my friends and going, you know, and it's,

I see it today where kids know that there's more and they are just natural in themselves. And I, God, if I'd have had that as a child, but as a child, you're like, okay, this is the way everyone's going, but I'm looking this way. Well,

that's okay, you know, and you just kind of go along and it, I would get crushes on girls and it would, you know, you just want to stand next to them. I'm sure it's what guys go through, you know, it's just like, I just, I don't know what to do. I don't think of it as I'm gay. I just, and it wasn't until I was 16, you know, that best friend and

And that sleepover and... Yep. There you go. I know. I had one of those, too. Our daughter, actually, she... You know, they have so many terminologies now, and I don't want to get into that. But she actually leans more towards being a lesbian also. And we are so... I'm like, please.

Please do. I am so accepting of it. Our oldest engagement party night, marrying a lovely woman. We couldn't be happier. See, I want Bailey to do that. Yeah, that's our Bailey. Our daughter's name is Bailey. Oh my God, that's amazing. Yes, I did know that. If you just let it go. Yeah, just let them be. Because they get their heart broke. They get their heart broke.

Either way, you know, they're going to have relationships and you just hold their hands through it. And then they find, man, but you know when they find that one, they just, bing, they just light up. It just, yeah, it just works. Yeah, I hope that happens for our Bailey too. So moving forward, you get signed by Island Records. Island Records, yeah. Yes, you get signed by Island Records. Take me on that journey. Like, so you got signed in 86, you said? 86, okay. Okay.

And then Chris Blackwell goes back into the universe of music and I don't see him and I'm like, okay, I'm supposed to make a record. I've never made a record. You're like, well, okay, thanks for signing me. I know exactly what I do now. How were record deals back then? Cause I know they're so different now. Like what did they like offer you? Like, am I allowed to ask that? Yeah. Let me see if I can remember the first one. Cause I'm fascinated with the inner workings of how that is. Cause I mean, you've seen the music industry change so much. Oh,

I sold 25 million albums and Island Records still say I owe them money.

Yeah. Wow. That's how bad the record company, but they've forgiven it at this point. It's like, Oh, stop it. What do you mean? The record deals back then were crazy. No, it's you. You didn't even your lawyers would just go, you know, because they didn't have to sign you. They did. There was so much music. They weren't like they were doing you a favor and you knew that you knew that you had to get through this door or you would, it, there was, you're pretty much,

signing, not, I don't want to say signing your life away, but you're signing your, the rights to yourself just so that you can do. For a while. So that company will blow you up and take all the money from it, but you will get the fame. Yes. And that's,

I kind of realized that. And I had a good manager who told me, who said, look, you know, it's not about your records. Don't even think about that because that really doesn't exist. It's about your publishing because you write that I can make the money from the publishing. That's when you see an artist, uh,

who doesn't write their own stuff, who doesn't really like to perform, they're not gonna be around for a while because performing is your bread and butter. And that I started, you know, I'd already been playing these bars and clubs. Then I made a record and I went out and played more bars and clubs.

And then it just grew from there. And I wouldn't, I would not trade that for the world for the first, my first album came out in 1988 and I played everywhere. I played Europe and Australia and all these places because the, the first album did well. So you traveled everywhere after you dropped your album. I'm going to look at my notes real quick because there was something really cool that I realized with these albums that you dropped. So you dropped, you

you know, May 2nd, 1988, you dropped, um, your first album and then you had a hit, bring me some water that was nominated for a Grammy. But then you go on to drop two more albums. Another album gets nominated for Grammys, right? And then you win a Grammy award. Yeah. That's insane. And your first three albums that you, you get a Grammy award. Like that's insane. Yeah.

That really surprised me because it wasn't, I didn't even get, a lot of people think I won for Best New Artist, but I didn't get that. I wasn't even nominated for that. It was back when they had a category called Best Female Rock Vocal. They don't have that anymore. They should, though. I know. But first, I was nominated. I was nominated each year.

I've been nominated 17 times. That's crazy. But still, that's crazy. It was great because my career really went from here to huge. I went from selling 60,000 albums to like almost a million after the Grammys because the Grammys had that large of a reach. And it was because, not because I was nominated, but because I performed. Wow.

And it was a very special year. This was 1989. And Tracy Chapman performed. Sinead O'Connor performed. Oh, my goodness. I performed. My manager actually strong-armed the producers into letting, they wanted to mash all our songs up. And he said, are you kidding? This is such a strong year for women. You've got to let them have their thing. And they let us each sing our songs by ourselves. And it was really powerful Grammys. That's amazing. I didn't win, but I performed.

It's all right. You were there, baby. You had your foot in the door. We actually just got to see Tracy Chapman at the Grammys perform with Luke Holmes. And I was like, I was, that was the highlight of my night was to get to see her perform because, you know, it's such a rarity these days. What a beautiful song. Oh, just so good. I was just like, I was so thankful to be there in that moment because it was just really magical. I loved it. So take me on your first tour. Like what...

I remember whenever I hopped on tour with Jay in 2016, you know, it was, he, he, he wasn't signed or anything like that. And we would work our asses off. I'm talking like we would go to like every little bar there would be people with, there would be 20 people in a bar and he would perform like it was, you know, his fucking, it was like an arena full of people. What was your first tour like? Because you said you got to go everywhere and like got to go out of the country and stuff like that. Was it wild? Yeah.

It was wild because it was all different. In America, I was getting played on rock and roll. So I was doing the rock and roll circuit. I was playing the bars and clubs. It was 200 to 500 people. If I had 500, that was a lot. I remember in Colorado, in Boulder, Colorado, they had a great radio station there called...

KBCO. Yeah. And so they were playing my songs a lot. So this was my biggest crowd. It was 500 people. And then I started opening for Bruce Hornsby. And that's a great thing for a brand new artist to get on a larger thing so I could open for them. And so all of a sudden I was playing to, you know,

Well, they were half-empty halls when I started, but I could play those last couple numbers, and people would be... There'd be 3,000 people in the... So I'd learn that. Then I'd go over to Europe, where my song was doing well, and I'd play 1,000-seat rock... Have you gone to Europe? Not yet. We're going. Wait. Europe is so much fun, because they all stand. It's all general admission. And...

And they all clap on time. It's not that, you know, Americans, we're all like, you know, one, two, man, these, they're, and they clap all four and it's, and they all jump up and down. And it is so much fun. They love their music. They love rock and roll. Yeah. So that was fun. So I just started and I didn't stop for eight years and it just grew to theaters and

And then before I knew it, my fourth album had come out. Yes, I am. All of a sudden, it was mainstream. That's the one that put you in mainstream. Yeah, that was mainstream. So now I'm playing arenas and stadiums. That was the one I stripped to.

Yes. It's a good one. That was my shit. Believe me, when I start that song, the audience is, they're all in it. I'm surprised. Well, the clothes do come off. I can only imagine how many titties you've seen to that song. Sorry, wifey. No, she loves it. No, she loves it. She knows. She loves it. She's the most...

It's good. I'm going to stop talking. I can't wait. We're going to get into how you guys met and everything, too. So I want to know all of that. So you're out here touring. You dropped this record. You're mainstream. I mean, you're at the height of your career. You sang at Brad and Jen's wedding. Well, they were friends, yes. I mean, who could just say that Brad Pitt's their friend? That's just crazy to me. I met him before...

What was crazy was Hollywood in the late 80s, early 90s was... We didn't know. We didn't know when I'm sitting around with now Academy Award nominees and winners. And a friend of mine, Catherine Keener, she...

She was an actress and she said, oh, I have this friend that I just did this movie with. His name's Brad. It's his birthday. Will you call him? He's a big fan of yours. You know, I'm like, okay, this is before Thelma and Louise. This is before anything. Oh, back when he was really hot. Oh, yeah. Nice. Oh, no. You would know. The minute I met him, I was like, well, look at you. And he was from Missouri. I love that. He was from Missouri. She said, look at you.

I know. I would because I'm like, he's just beautiful. We used to have like swimming pool. I had a real fun swimming pool. And I had like a basketball hoop on the swimming pool. And we all used to gather. And I mean, this is like River Phoenix. And you're just really beautiful. God, I can go on and on. How was your relationship with River? I feel like he did not get...

enough time here. No, no, not at all. No, it was incredibly sad when he passed away. And it was, and, and, you know, they, yes, they had been, you know, there was always drugs in, in Hollywood, but it wasn't a mainstream thing back then. We, they drank a lot and we'd smoke pot, but you know, that was about it. And when it was the cough syrup with,

something else he had taken and it was so sad and Joaquin, it just, you know, died in his arms. It was just really, really sad time. And just, but it was a beautiful time in Hollywood with a lot of people that had no idea. I mean, Ellen DeGeneres and, you know, we're all hanging out in my pool. When I was saying Brad's... Did you and Ellen ever hook up? Did me and Ellen? Yeah. No, that's, that would be gay. That's true. I love that. Do you understand what I mean? I get it. Okay. Yeah.

That is hilarious. Gotcha. So you like, you like the femmes, you like feminine women. Yes, ma'am. Okay. She's like, yes. Do you like straight women? Is that the thing? Well, that was a problem. Yeah. That was a problem. And I got over that. You like to turn them out. Yeah.

Wow, you are, you understand my world. Well, I am you, you are me. That's exactly what my first 10 albums, you know. I love that. That is another thing is you've always stayed so true to yourself in the music. Like when you would talk about relationships, it was she, it wasn't he. Whereas like even Elton John, when he first was in the music scene, he had to sing about having a wife and Rocketman, you know, like that.

I told them, you don't have a wife, sir. I know. I told them, I said, I'm not going to. Well, they said, well, as long as you don't flag wave. I don't know what that means. But what that meant then, I was like, OK, whatever. But I said, I'm not going to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm not going to go to red carpets and find a boyfriend. I'm doing air quotes, you know, and no, I just I wouldn't do that. And I always wrote very universal quotes.

language, you know, that you can turn it any way you want. But boy, did women know that I was singing about women. They're like, oh, nobody writes like that about a man. Do you think that that's why your album, the fourth one, I forget what it's called. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. Do you think that's why it did...

it resonated so well with the masses because you were just being true to who you were and people actually accepted it, which during a time when people weren't that accepting back then. No, this, it was, the gay community was strong here. And I, and I met a lot of people in the,

In the community, a lot of the ones who were fighting for our rights, these leaders. And we were right in the middle of the AIDS epidemic and our friends and everyone was dying. And we were like, if we don't stand up and say something, everyone's just going to be fine that we die. So there was a big, strong political feeling about being...

a famous person and actually saying you were gay. It was, you know, we, they had outed a few and, you know, in bad ways. Yeah. Which that's horrible. Yeah. It was really awful because you know, it would end careers and it would end, you'd lose your job and all this sort of stuff. And I, I,

I never was closeted, really, because if you knew me at all, if you met me, I'd introduce you to my girlfriend. There was a line, it was a serious don't ask, don't tell in the early 90s of, we won't ask you if you're gay, and you just don't talk about it, okay? And so finally, it was the election of Bill Clinton and Al Gore, and it really signified a time of change in America, because we had had...

God, 12 years of conservative Reagan and Bush, and it was awful. Bill got in there and just started humping everybody. Sex came back, man. Right, it did. Yes, it was. It did. And it...

We felt that. And it was that night that I was like, yeah, I'm a lesbian. And it was in the newspapers the next day. Were you scared? No. Take me on that moment where you were just ready. I was ready. I was done pretending. Hiding. Yeah, I was done. People were starting to ask me. This was already my fourth album. People were starting to ask me the personal questions. Who did you write this about? And someone actually did an article where they said...

They changed all the pronouns to my boyfriend. And I was like, good God, people are going to read this and think, and know, well, she's gay. Why is she saying that? And they'll think I lied, and that made me crazy. So my plan was to come out on Arsenio Hall because he was the cool, he was very cool. He was one late night host that would let me talk, and I was ready to when the album came out a few months later. But in the meantime, I did the inauguration, and I came out just,

It was just the perfect, it was divine timing. So then as the, there was no social media, so this is not something that went poof. Right. But slowly, as I did my, you know, my tour press, and you do pre-interviews with the city you're going to, city by city, they would start asking me questions. And for years.

three years, all I talked about was being gay because nobody would answer, nobody had answered these questions before. And it was just all brand new. So I think it actually helped. Open doors. But helped my career by me coming out. I got extra publicity and people were curious. I,

I know I've heard plenty of stories of, oh, my mother never let me bring your albums into the house. You were the devil or whatever. I know. So there was a bit of a dampening. But who knows? I think...

I have a blessed career. Absolutely. But I also feel like in a way you open doors for other artists after you. I hope so. That were, you know, that are in the lifestyle and. I listened to Chapel Roan. Yay. And I'm like. We love Chapel. We want Chapel on the podcast. Oh, hell yeah. I'm like, damn, if I could have written that, if I could have, you know, good luck, babe. That's, that's just, you know, go, go ahead. It's going to,

you're gonna have to stop the world to stop this feeling, you know, and

All the songs she writes, I'm like, oh, yeah, you go, girl. You guys need to do something together. I would love to. She has named me as an influence because she comes from the Midwest also and coming out and stuff. So I know she has an appreciation. So, yeah, you see her, you let her know. Chapel? Anytime, anywhere. We need you and Melissa Etheridge to do a collaboration, Miss Thing, okay? We need that to happen ASAP.

I would, I would love that. And you know what? That would actually go insanely viral because chapel and you together. Oh my God. And your, their voices together. Come on. A rock and roll pony club, rock and roll, pink pony club chapel. We need you, baby. We're saying it right here, right here, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, she said I'm ready. So moving on from all this fame, hanging out with... By the way, how is Jennifer Anderson? Are you guys still friends? Sonobello loves Dumb Blonde listeners so much that they just made you friends and family. You're now included in their Friends and Family Fall Savings Event. This is a rare event. You'll enjoy the same special savings that Sonobello doctors, nurses, and staff, friends, and family receive. But appointments are limited, so you need to schedule now.

I let you guys know when I get stuff done. You guys know me. I had it done right before the Grammys and it smoothed my hips for my dress. And let me tell you, I will do it again and again. Sono Bella doctors are masters in micro laser fat removal, wherever your problem areas, tummy, sides, thighs, and arms. It's your choice.

Starve yourself and hit the gym every day or lose the fat in a day at Sono Bello. Do this for you and save big during Sono Bello's Friends and Family Fall Savings Event. Schedule your free consultation now at sonobello.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E.

That's sono.com slash funny. Being an adult has its high points. Like you can eat ice cream for dinner anytime or if you want to stay up all night, you can. But it's not always fun. You also have to do your taxes and figure out what's for dinner every freaking night.

I hate it. And make doctor's appointments. And for that one, there is ZocDoc, the healthcare app that makes adulting that much easier. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to enter.

instantly book an appointment. That's amazing. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than 100,000 healthcare providers across every specialty at your fingertips. From mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare, and much more. Plus, ZocDoc appointments happen immediately.

fast typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking you can even score same-day appointments you guys know I absolutely hate going to the doctor so if I can get a tele doctor I'm all for it I use them you should too you guys know I have anxiety so I absolutely love the comfort of being able to be in my own home and do it from an app it's absolutely seamless

So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E, to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bunny. ZocDoc.com slash bunny. I haven't talked to her in years, but the last time I saw her, she is... Did you get her in the divorce?

Did you stay with Brad or did you stay with Jen? Because I feel like everybody had to choose at that time. It was really something. I lost contact with Brad. It's not that I...

we chose or anything. It was just this, it was so hard for everybody because that was a really strong sort of kind of Hollywood thing. It still is. They will not, it's freaking 20 something years later and they just don't leave it alone. That's crazy. I know it's nuts. So I haven't seen, we, because we, it's like any friendships and you know, your twenties and whatever you think things change and you grow and you have children and you go away. And, but, um, I have seen her more than I have Brad.

But she is a beautiful, incredible, delightful human being. I could never say anything. She's an Aquarius. Oh, see? Yeah. No, she's a wonderful, wonderful human being. Oh, I love that. I can't wait to meet her. Oh, yeah, she's great. So moving on from all of this, when do the children come into play? When do you start deciding to have children? Because I know I had heard you say that you didn't want to.

want to have kids. And that's where I have been my entire life. And I'm almost 45. And I finally decided with my husband in this last year, I'm like, I would like a little bit of us running around, you know? And for the longest time, I felt the same way that you did. What changed that for you? I don't know that it changed. I'm really surprised that I have children. But what it was was my partner at the time.

Again, growing up in the 60s, 70s, even early 80s, it wasn't an option. That was one of the reasons it was so sad to families is, oh, you'll never have children, that sort of thing. And my childhood wasn't so awesome that I thought, oh, I want to bring a child in. And my mothering

mirror was not I had didn't have much mothering or nurturing I didn't know what I would be like as a mom so in 95 when my partner was like I think I want to have kids and I was like oh this this is very interesting and of course I was like wow I don't know what I'll be like but if you want to have them all be the guy and I'll go work and I'll bring the money home and you raise the kids right you know something like that in my head and and then my daughter was born and I'm like oh

oh wow, this is amazing. And instantly fell in love and realized that I was a dad mom. I mothered like my father and have always been like that. But you're also a generational curse breaker. And I think that you had your dad as a role model, absolutely. But your mom showed you everything you didn't want to be in a mom. So you broke those curses. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. I was like, no.

I may not have ever heard I love you, but you're going to hear it every day. Every time you leave a room, I'm going to tell you I love you. And in our family, whenever someone goes from one room to the other, it's like I love you. It really stays. I love that. And my children do not ever worry or think that I don't love them at all in any way. Can we talk about how iconic it is that two of your kids, David Crosby, Yeah.

Do we call him the sperm donor? What do we refer to him as? Bailey calls him her bio dad. Gotcha. Yeah. Okay. Because the reason that we chose him, because when my partner said she wanted to have children...

She had been adopted and she didn't like that she didn't know who her real parents were. So she wanted her children to know who their father was. I love that though. I totally agree with that. And I respected that 100%. I was like, okay, but this person...

I don't want them to be a father, a figure in their life. I want them to be able to go, that's where I came from, but this is the parent that raised me. And that was really important. One of the reasons that we didn't go with Brad Pitt, who was a very good friend at the time. Was that an option?

That would have been amazing. I know. Believe me, Bailey's like, Brad Pitt could have been my father. Are you insane? But Brad wanted children really bad. Could you imagine those genes? Good Lord. I know. So he was only – it wasn't – anyway. Yeah. So I run into David Crosby, and him and his wife had just used IVF and different things to –

to conceive their child. And so they were very grateful. And Jan, his wife said, well, what about David? And I thought, that's perfect. He's a musician. He, he, and he's has children. He's iconic. He's like, doesn't Crosby, Stills and everything. And, and he's, you know, beautiful. And I mean,

mean people didn't see the beauty that I did in him sometimes Bailey looks like him oh my gosh the cheeks it's crazy insane yeah yeah she definitely has his cheeks and so I saw her face I was like holy yeah it's crazy isn't it and he looked kind of like me too so I like that yeah I love that's as close as I could get and he was a wonderful he was always there but never never inserted himself into their life at all like

I love that. Like a parent. This is kind of a personal question and we can cut this out, but this is kind of like what I want to know because we're planning on using a surrogate. And if we can't use my eggs, we're going to be using donor eggs. How was it bonding with the children, you know, with them not having that DNA? How was that? And we can cut this out if you want to. Oh, no, no, no, no, not at all. Because I just want to respect boundaries. But how was that bonding? Let me tell you the...

My children are of me. They do not have a drop of my blood in them or DNA or whatever that is, but their souls, their spirit. You will find when you have this baby that when they are older, that they will look like you because...

They have learned to smile and move their facial movements like you because you will have been smiling at them from the moment they were born. So all of my children have my smile. Aww. I just got goosebumps.

And that's so, there is never, there's not a moment's thought unless someone asks me that I don't think that these children, that I would step in front of a train, I would, you know, there is no doubt that

And it does not come into play ever. I love it. That's how I feel about Bailey. She's not mine biologically, but even people are like, she has your mannerisms. She acts like you. They will laugh like you. All of that. There is not. I don't know physically that would be the only thing, but the features, the spirit, how they look to you, you will be mother. You will always be the only mother. Yeah.

I love it. That makes me so happy. I just wanted to ask that question because, you know, thinking about using donor eggs, you kind of like, you're just like, what if I have, you know, an issue bonding with this baby? But I mean, I don't think I would because I bonded with Jay's daughter. You know, we've had full custody of her for eight years. She's my child. Like, I will go to war for this child. There you go. Yeah. And that's just the way it is. That's there's not it's there's nothing to do with.

DNA. Yeah. Thank you. I call this my meat suit. Yeah. That's it. It is our meat suit. Yeah. Totally. I say that to everybody. Can we move on to your son Beckett? Yes. He was also, cause you have four children total, correct? You have twins and then you have Bailey and Beckett. Okay. So we're going to move on to Beckett. Beckett is also you with your ex-wife and David Crosby's bio dad. What is,

Being in the scene that you're in and being around drugs and stuff like that and seeing how substance abuse affected your childhood, how was that whenever your son fell into that? Oh, it was so hard. You'll notice that some children, the wind is always blowing in their face. It's just harder.

In all ways. And you see it's a lot of what they believe and how they perceive the world. And it is never up to us to change anyone's perception. Only they can do that. So when he... And it was young. It was 12, 13. I could see his...

pushing against teachers and and you know the first thing you do as a parent is oh this is my fault it's because he's from a broken home it's because of you know and you who knows this is this child and and and his mountain and we did everything we could we you know i i put him in you know outward bound classes you know sort of thing and and he would be okay and then

And he started getting into snowboarding at 15, 16, 17. He was back in school, but it was hard to stay in school. I was trying to do different tutoring for him. And he just got really, really good at snowboarding. I knew he was smoking pot. I knew he was getting cocaine down the street from the rich kids. And you're just trying to hold it together in a way, thinking it'll pass. And he loved...

snowboarding and he's the Aspen team starts looking at him and he goes to train with them in Aspen and he takes a big jump and he falls and breaks his foot in two places and then they gave him Vicodin for the pain which

His whole dreams were broken, so his whole soul was broken. And he never recovered from it. He never got out from the opioids. The opioids became street opioids, heroin. And last thing, when he was 21, he was during the pandemic, and it was fentanyl. It was over. Boom. I couldn't imagine the heartbreak of getting that phone call and just having to deal with that. By the time you get the phone call,

You're expecting it. You're, you, I already went through the, okay, I'm, it's either, you know, I'm going to make myself sick now. I can't do this anymore. I can't save him. I can't, you know, I've gone through the giving him something to help him and do this to taking everything away. So he's homeless to, you know, you do everything and there's nothing and there's nothing and they just keep sinking down and then it's gone and there's, it's,

There's a little bit of a relief, like, okay, he's finally out of pain. And there's some peace, and you're not worried every time your phone lights up, you know. And so it was very hard for the last couple years. And so when you send the welfare check, because I hadn't heard from him in four days, and I used to hear from him every single day. And four days, and you just know, and you finally send the police, and they say, yeah, he's dead. Oh, my goodness. But you move on. You do. And he would not want me to...

punish myself or feel guilty for some choices he made. He would, he wants me to be happy. He's in a place where he's out of pain and

It's okay. I don't need to punish myself for any of that. That was in his soul contract. I believe that. I believe in soul contracts. Not everybody does, but I do believe that before we come here, we want to learn certain types of lessons. And that was his exit strategy. And I really truly feel like people that die from overdoses, maybe they might've gotten off the path, but that

all in all was part of their soul contract. It's going back to the mother. That's what it has been described to me that heroin takes you back to that place, the feeling of the womb and they want to go back and they want to

I've never heard that. Yeah, it feels like that. Wow. That is amazing and crazy all at the same time. Amazing in life. It's deep. That's very deep. Thank you for talking about that, by the way. Oh, it's not a problem. I think it helps because I know there's hundreds and thousands of families who are suffering with it today, right now. Absolutely. And if I can help someone feel better today,

get over, you're not sink into despair themselves, you know, then, then that's good. Yes. Testimonies, testimonies are powerful. And I feel like it also helps people realize like, cause you know, you're doing this docuseries, which we'll talk about in a second. Um,

I think it will shed light on why you're going so hard. I mean, you've been performing in prison since you were 12 too. So, I mean, it's just kind of like how your life has come full circle. But before we talk about that, can we talk about how you are a breast cancer survivor? Yeah. That is amazing. And I think I heard a story of the morning of the Grammys, you had radiation and had no hair, and then you still went and performed at the Grammys. Yeah. You're a soldier. You're a warrior woman. I am.

I just, I'm not ready to give up. It's not an option right now. It never has been. And this was 2004. I'm actually 20 years cancer-free this year. So yay. Yeah. And this was after my first divorce. This was a very lost time in my life. I had had the big success and there's nothing more...

that's going to freak you out than actually all your dreams coming true because you're going to realize it doesn't solve all your problems. You know, it's like, Oh, I thought this would be, you know, the end. I did it. There you go. It's great. I'll be fine now from it. That's not life. Life is, is up and down. And, and I, I,

I didn't have a relationship with myself. I was very sad. I was, you know, here I had become a mother and then instantly we divorced. And now I'm a single mother and I just feel like I let the world down. And it's just a really weird time. Mm-hmm.

And I was eating like crap. It was the end of the 90s, early 2000s, where everyone thought they had to be pencil thin. And so I tortured myself. You know, it's just all this stuff that we would do until my body just said, look, I can't do it anymore. And there was a tumor on my breast, my left breast. And right before that, just months before that, I had a unintentional

heroic dose of cannabis. Oh, yeah. It's one of those. Oh, let's, you know, let's have, oh, that's a real good cookie. Oh, this is good. You know, and you eat three. That was so poetic. Yes. That's what it was. And it's one of those where your mind opens up. You meet God. You meet God. And I saw God and I understood that.

What life was. And I came back changed. And then a few months later, I get cancer. And I'm like, wow, this is crazy. Because I didn't fear death anymore. And I'm on this sort of spiritual path now. And so the cancer just... That's why it happened. It put it into Uber drive, right? It just super... Everything changed. I changed. It was magnificent. And I've been on this high ever since. And life is...

So I'm so grateful for breast cancer. And I went through it, got two surgeries. It was stage three. They told me I was always going to... And I don't believe any of that. I believe that I understood what gave me the cancer. And if I can make joy a priority in my life, if I can eat the things that bring me joy, make me feel good and...

do the things and make the choices for myself that I will be able to live a healthy, happy life. And it's been 20 years and I think I can brag about it now. Yes, ma'am. You can. You earned that right. You earned those stripes. I am a firm believer and I preach this on the podcast. I know they're so tired of hearing it, but what the mind feels, the body will follow. 100%. The body is in reaction to the mind. Like I said, meat soup. Total meat soup. And

I know instantly, I can tell it's like, oh, this hurts, that hurts. Oh, that's because, you know, you get things and it's, wow, I've been feeling very closed down. I've been, you know, of course my back's going to start hurting. I don't feel supported. You know, just all of that stuff. And it makes our bodies make sense. When you have the belief that, oh, something might happen to me, I might get cancer out of nowhere. I might get heart disease out of nowhere. Yeah.

That's not how it works. It's stress. What you fear you'll feed. Yes, thank you. You know it all. No, for sure. You're on that journey. Well, I had to. I got sober. And I saw the dark night and went on my spiritual journey. And I'm telling you, I just got misdiagnosed with an aneurysm last month.

And I told myself, like, I thought I was going to pass out when I got the news. It said it was on my carotid artery and my mom actually had one and almost died. So I felt like I was going to pass out. Anyways, long story short, because this isn't about me, but it's just...

I didn't believe it. I was like, this is not, and if I do, and if I do have it, I'm going to have surgery and it's going to be fine or whatever. I was getting a CAT scan. I heard the loudest voice in my head and it said, it's not an aneurysm. Went to two neurosurgeons, turned out that I have two identical blood vessels on both sides of my carotid arteries. That's just my part of my DNA. Yeah.

So I was just like, praise Jesus. It's a miracle. But you have to literally just, no matter what, I think our life lesson is to learn how to have faith. You cannot control everything. And you have to just, sometimes you have to say, you know what, God? Whatever your will is going to be or whatever higher power you believe in. It's just whatever your will is, let it happen. And that has been...

the most exciting 20 years of my life have been the last. When you stop trying to make your happiness dependent on other people or other things, when you can find your happiness inside yourself and you're in charge of it, oh, that's so powerful.

That's so powerful. And that's, that's, that's the path. That's, that's where you want to walk. That's the good stuff. It gets really good. And you start changing the world like you have. Absolutely. You too though. When we first met you at music cares, I just, I told my husband, I was like, I love this woman. I was like, she has such amazing energy. You just have angel energy and you can tell when people are good humans, you know? And my husband just adores you. Like he's like, I can't believe Melissa Etheridge is my friend.

He's just so excited. Like, he just can't believe it. Him and you and Bon Jovi just blow his mind. The fact that you guys, that he can call you guys friends. He's just like, this is amazing to me. He's special, too. And you know that. You know that. And he's got that big, wonderful heart. And, of course, as his friend, I do, I think about him a lot. And I know what a weird space he's in.

it can be. And I tell him and I would tell you to man, call me just, Oh, I'm going to call you now. Please do. Yeah. I'm going to give you my number. Cause I don't trust him to give it to you. Yeah. No. So moving on, how did we meet wifey? Cause I, I stumbled upon a really cool, well, it was awesome to me cause I'm into astrology and all that stuff. You guys have the same fricking birthday. Like how, like why,

Only two Geminis would find love in each other. I mean, I think that's hilarious because you guys are either exactly alike or you guys are opposite ends of the spectrum. Are you guys exactly both? Yeah. Yeah.

All right, guys, you're always asking about my skincare regimen and I eat, sleep, live and breathe Oak Essentials. This is everything I use on my face from their moisture rich balm moisturizer to the do body oil mist to the all over body moisturizer. I have every product right now on my tour bus in my cabinet. I could take a picture and send it to you.

This stuff right here works. My skin is like glass and flawless because of it. I am absolutely obsessed with this skincare line. I 100% use it. I 100% endorse it. What gives the Dew Body Oil those rich results are the clean ingredients inside like organic safflower seed oil filled with fatty acids like linoleic acid.

Acid that helps diminish the appearance of dry skin barrage seed oil single richest source of gamma linoleic acid shown to significantly improve the health and appearance of skin tissue as well as effectively reduce the appear of redness and inflammation I promise you guys, you know I love love love skincare and this is my absolute favorite all of the ingredients that they have in these is just so nourishing for your body I

It also has organic sesame seed oil, which contains powerhouses vitamins A and E and essential fatty acids, oleic acid, palmitic acid, stearic acid, and linoic acid that keep skin moisturized and healthy. Say hello to clean spa quality skincare essentials that deliver a moisture rich glow. My followers will get 15% off their first order when you use code BUNNY15.

B-U-N-N-I-E 15 at checkout. That's 15% off your first order at oakessentials.com. O-A-K-E-S-S-E-N-T-I-A-L-S.com. Promo code BUNNY15. Go ahead, treat yourself, girl. Get your best radiant skin this fall with Oak Essentials. Explaining football to the friend who's just there for the nachos? Hard.

Tailgating from home like a pro with snacks and drinks everyone will love? An easy win. And with Instacart helping deliver the Snack Time MVPs to your door, you're ready for the game in as fast as 30 minutes. So you never miss a play or lose your seat on the couch or have to go head-to-head for the last chicken wing. Shop Game Day Faves on Instacart and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three grocery orders. Offer valid for a limited time. Other fees and terms apply. So we'll start with...

I met her 22, three years ago. I've 23, 2001. So 23 years ago, she is a, um, television creator, writer, producer. Yay. She was mama. She was, yeah. Boss mama, big time. She was the showrunner for the 70 show, that 70 show. Oh, awesome. And, uh,

Went on, she's created Nurse Jackie and she's a pioneering woman. That's amazing. I love that. I love that. Nurse Jackie was huge, dude. That's amazing. And the first thing to ever really deal with, you know, opioid abuse. First show that ever talked about it. So she called me in because she was doing a new show called The 80s Show.

And she called me in because she liked my work and respected me and thought I would be... It was a character that ran a music store. And she just really wanted to base the show on a strong... So I came in, met her. Instantly, it was like...

They offered me the part and I was touring and the money didn't you know and I was like oh god I can't do it, but I really liked her and this is back in the early 2000s before they had reality shows right like reality shows were about to come in and I remember sitting at a table because we said we want let's do something together, you know, and and she saw how very interesting my life was and

and was like, man, if we could just have a couple cameras around your life, I was like, that's weird. And then the Osbournes came out right after. We were like, oh my God, they took that idea. But it was in the ether. So we were best friends. She became my best friend because we were so much alike. And we loved each other.

Yeah. Humongous. Who's the team? She's a Packers fan. Okay. Green Bay Packers. Gotcha. She grew up, she was born in Wisconsin, grew up in Illinois, but remained a Packer fan. Gotcha. I grew up in Kansas, so I'm a Kansas City Chiefs fan and I am enjoying life very much these last few years. Oh, for sure. My husband thinks they're going to go to the Super Bowl this year. Well, of course. I think your husband and I.

She'd go to the Super Bowl. Let's do it. We can all go. Oh, my God. That'd be amazing. It's in Vegas. Is it? No, it's not. It's in New Orleans. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was in Vegas last year. Yeah, yeah. It's in New Orleans. Yeah. So we were best friends. She helped me through cancer as my friend. She...

Saw me through the hard times in my relationship again my second marriage She knew all my children my children loved and adored her especially my oldest When I went through my spiritual change she was one of the only one that would listen to me and was interested and understood and we were extremely close as best friends then when my marriage fell apart and

She was working on Nurse Jackie in New York and she was selling her house. And I was like, well, come stay with me. You know, my wife's gone and I have no housekeeper and I have four children and I'm a single mom. And so she came and stayed and she,

The thought had crossed her mind that maybe we might take a step further. I was like, I suck at relationships. I'm horrible. I'm never going to be in a relationship again. And no, but be my friend and help me. And for months, she would get up with me. She would make the lunches for all four kids. She would help me with the breakfast. That's a good one. And every night after they went to bed, we'd sit and talk. And just our relationship was just like this. And then one day...

The little ones were running around. The two-year-olds were running around. And we had changed some things in the kitchen. And I was like, where are the sippy cups? And she looks at me and she goes, well, dear. And I went, because it went inside. And you know, all of a sudden, that was the click of...

Man, I'm finally having the relationship with a person, this home relationship that I always wanted, that I could count on someone who I knew could help me with my children, all these things. And I find her attractive. Oh, shit. Oh, no, what am I going to do now? And I didn't want to mess up our friendship. But she was like, she just... Did you love her?

Oh, yeah. And I didn't know just how deeply. Because I was in my own relationships and drama and whatnot. But yeah, I guess...

Yeah. And it has never, because soon we found out our differences, which were very good, and worked together. And the sexual part of the relationship has been better than I've ever had in my life. Fire! I had no idea. I had no idea. And it's been, how many years have we been together? 10, 15? Maybe 10.

Oh, my goodness. I forget when you get to a point. Yeah. But they didn't let us get married until 10 years ago, so we're married 10 years. I love that. Isn't it amazing when you find that person? It just happens. And I think it happened because I finally got myself into a place of, because I used to believe, oh, I had to have that beautiful, straight-looking, smart, not smart, but beautiful and straight face.

Because those were things I didn't feel and I felt I needed that. And I would fall in love with the look and just hope they fit later. And that was no way to do it. Disaster. And finally, I've had this solid relationship with a person and I'm like, oh, I can fall in love with that. You can fall in love with a soul. With a soul. That's how it is with my husband. Like, I just love his soul. And I love myself. Mm-hmm.

Enough. Yes. To see that, no, no, it's about me being happy. This person makes me so happy. To be together that long and to still feel that way, what is your guys' secret? If you could give anybody relationship advice, what's one key thing? I say this because we say it to each other all the time because we understand it. You have to love yourself as much as

You want the other person to love you? You have to take care of yourself as much as you want to take care of your partner and you You know and you want them to take care of you you have to there are certain things that It's it's not about the other person doesn't fill you up. You have to fill you up and then that joy

All this happiness. We can't save our partners. We have to be a light in ourselves. She went through a health thing a couple years ago. And I knew it's like, okay, I can't get sick enough to make her well.

I have to be well. I have to be enjoying my career. I have to be loving where I'm going so that I can be a light so that she can be inspired by that. That's what we do. We inspire each other. She inspires me. Oh, my God, there's so many times I fall down a deep hole and she's like, are you crazy? You silly girl. She doesn't go down there with me. She stays up. Because we fill ourselves up.

We are there for the other one. That's powerful. I love that. That's amazing. That's so real too. Because I feel like people get lost in each other when they get into it. Well, they think that's love. Right. We were raised with that. We were raised with...

that said, you have to take care of me. Yes. You know, if you do this, I'll die. And we think that we have to be something for somebody else to be okay. Boy, you have to change that because that will make you sick. No, that's how Jay and I are. We love each other immensely, but we also make sure that we each have our own separate things to where it's like,

We're each other's rocks in different ways. You know, it's like if he falls down, I lift him up. If I fall down, he lifts me up. And that's really the way you have to do it. You have to be steadfast in yourself to be able to, you know, maintain a relationship for a long time. We've only been together eight years. You guys have us way beat. Still, 18.

Good. I mean, yeah, listen, I don't know how we've made it this long. I always tell everybody, they're like, congratulations on eight years. I'm like, I think you need to congratulate him on surviving. Yeah. And you know what? We do it every day and we just, we just,

Learn more every single day. This is a practice. We're supposed to get it wrong. Yeah. And there's not even, you can't get it wrong because you can always do it more. And you learn. There's always the next moment. You live and you learn. And I really truly believe friendship is a huge basis for any relationship. Because my husband and I are friends before we're lovers. That's exactly us. And we always say, or she'll say to me, she goes,

Gosh, I love your girlfriend now. No. You know, because, you know, she used to, anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. You know, I'm not going to explain the joke. Gotcha. Okay. Moving on from the love story, let's talk about this docuseries. Oh, man. Yes. Growing up in Leavenworth, Kansas.

Actually, when I was seven years old, Johnny Cash came to the prison that was three blocks from my house. I could see it from the backyard. Wow. Yes. Federal Penitentiary. It was a big part of Leavenworth. It's just... It was part of my childhood. And there it was. And he came and none of us got to see him. Nobody but the prisoners. And I thought...

prisons must be a place of fine entertainment, you know? I want to do that! So I started with that as a child. Then later when I did go in with some variety groups and these crazy things that I did go in to entertain, I saw everyday people. They're all in the same clothes. And you know, you could tell that they were here and they weren't incredibly happy.

But I saw people who were fed by entertainment and joy and music and how much it did. And they were so enthusiastic for anything they saw. I would sing and it was the first time an audience was like, yes, you know, 100 people, 200 people to a 12 year old, you know. Yeah. Wow. That's just insane, though, that they even allowed a 12 year old in a prison. I.

I know. Believe me, you don't know how insane it is. It's crazy, but it really happened. And it was, I went into the women's prison, which was the first time I saw, I was like, looked at the audience. I thought, I thought this was the women's prison. It's the first time I saw women, masculine women, you know, and it kind of blew my mind and, and then went into the state penitentiary. I went into the army penitentiaries there, played in every single one of those. And, and, um,

Have always in the back of my mind thought of it. As a matter of fact, in the early 90s, I was friends with Tammy Wynette. She was a beautiful woman. And we both had a desire to go play at a women's penitentiary. And we were talking to HBO about going to one in Virginia that was run by women. And it was a women's penitentiary. And then she got sick and died. And so I had almost done it in the 90s. So it's always been in my mind that I wanted to go back into a prison. Well, now my life goes on.

I lose my son. I become very involved with, um, finding alternatives to pain reduction and to opioid addiction. And, um,

I go and I finally get the opportunity, Paramount Plus, MTV say, yeah, we'll do this. And Sun Records, they paid for the album. I've got a live album now out on Sun Records, which I've never had a live album. And I'm so thrilled about it. And the concert was the Topeka Correctional Facility finally found the warden, a female warden who she's so good at.

that she's now in charge of all the wardens of Kansas. Wow. Yeah, she has been promoted. She's so good because she understands that...

that their punishment is their freedoms taken away. It's not up to her to punish them more in the prison. That's so amazing. It's rehabilitating them and getting them out. So she says yes. When we come ask, can we do a concert? She's like, yes. I say, how long? She goes, how long do you want? I say, I'm going to curse. And they're going to get really excited because that's what I do to an audience is bring people up. And she's like, go ahead. I'm like, okay, here we go. And it changed my life.

And because so many of those women are in there because of crimes committed to feed their drug addiction, I related. And I got to tell you, there's a moment when I'm on stage and I'm talking to the crowd, these women who have lost their freedom. They are in there. They are working hard to try to get their lives together. And, you know, joy is hard to find. And I start telling them about my son and how I had lost him.

And the outpouring of empathy and caring, every one of them put the little hearts over their heads. I was like this wave of empathy from an audience that surely has had so much happening, they don't even see their children. And it really showed me that people are people and we all have the same makeups and we all have our own times that we got to go through our stuff.

But there they were, just being empathetic and delightful. And it really, I can't wait for you to really sit down with it. Oh, we are. We're going to, we told you we have a 14-hour track. We're going to watch it. And it's available on... Paramount+. Paramount+, okay. And it's called I'm Not Broken. Where did you come up with that title? Well, there's a couple things. In the movie, I write them a song. Right. And I met them. I...

really felt like I didn't want to write a song that was like feeling sorry for them, any, you know, sad, you know, oh, the green, green grass of home or something. I didn't want to make them sad. Right, right. Right? You know? And I'm like, I want to lift them up. I want them to see what power they have and that where they are did not define, you know, where they're going. Yeah. And so I wanted a rock and roll song. I wanted a song that we could do a call and response to, you know, and just lift people up.

And I was like, what are the things I want to say? I want to say I'm a burning woman. So the name of the song is I'm a burning woman. And I was with a friend of ours, a director, Amy Tinkham. She directed my Broadway show.

And she had just been like researching Bob Marley because she did his show in Vegas. And she had been to this mountaintop with this reggae Rastafarian man and take her to the priest. And the priest just looks at her and says, you're not broken. And it just healed her. She was like, oh, you know, didn't know that that was a belief. And she came home and when she said, I'm not broken, I was like, that's it.

That's it. That's exactly what I want to say. So the chorus is, I'm a burning woman. I'm not broken. I'm a burning woman. I am worth it. You know, and that's what I wanted to leave with them. So the Paramount, and we all agreed that the name of the thing would be, I'm not broken. You're not broken. You're just learning. Have you ever stopped to think that that song is kind of like an affirmation? Oh, yeah.

All of my songs are 100% affirmation for myself. No, it is, there's just as much healing going on for me as there was in the crowd. And that song, I love singing it every night. Even if people don't know it, I get, it's the only song I've ever cursed in. Yeah. You know, I, ooh. I love that. You know, so I tell the audience, I said, I know, get spicy. There's some strong language in this.

And I just, you know, singing it and...

Just bring it. And it's just, it's definitely an affirmation. I'm not broken and I am worth it. And I sing that to myself every single night. I love that. And you guys have to check it out. It's on Paramount+. Please do. We're going to watch it while we're driving from LA to El Paso in the next few days. So I can't wait. I'll text you because I'll have your number. That's right. I'll be like, hi, Melissa. I watched it. This is your new BFF. Yay. We'll have a group text. We'll have a group chat. You're not going to get rid of us now. We're going to be all. Oh.

I love it. And let's talk about, you have a tour and an album dropping and then I'll let you out. I'll let you out of here. Cause I've kept you for so long. No, the live album is I'm not broken. It's the live album. It's a double album set, just like in the seventies. Yes. Like Peter Frampton. It's, it's this concert. It's got the hits on it, but it's also has some deep tracks that I really wanted to bring to the women about, you know, transformation and, and, and fear and darkness and these things. And, um,

The tour I'm on, I'm always on tour because that's what I love to do. I like my husband. You guys just live in a bus. I can do that. That's my husband too. If it wasn't for my children, might not. Because my wife comes with me and we're like, yeah, it's what it's all about. I love that. Me too. I have my own bus though. Smart. I was like, you're not putting me on a bus with 11 dudes. Not happening. Okay. Well, there's four, five dudes on our, no, four dudes on our bus and us too. So it's okay. I have a small band. I love it. Yeah.

Yeah, so we're going out, doing some dates on my own. I've just got about six weeks left, I think, and then some dates with Jewel. But this summer I did some dates with the Indigo Girls, and they were great.

They were great. Oh, that's awesome. Really great. I didn't know they were still together. Yeah. They've, they've, yeah, we're all coming together. It's a big like nineties fest. And I think we're going to do some more. I think we're going to do. Yeah. What was it? Lilith fair. Do you remember that? What do you, what do you think? I want to know your definition of what Lilith fair was. I went one year and I forget who was playing cause I was so fucked up. But my definition of Lilith fair was like,

Just a bunch of powerful women who got to go and bring other women together. And like, that's why we went because it was so, I've always been like woman power, you know? I never played Lilith Farrah. That's another thing. But I do, I do think there's another, like,

all female powerful something coming yeah it needs to come back around and we need to have powerhouses like you stevie nicks like yeah just everybody just go and fucking perform i'll be there yeah i might show my titties because i'll be super excited you know it's going to be all women there anyways come on yeah i think maybe we need to design that let's do it let's set it up all right

Melissa, thank you so much for coming. And just being able to sit down with you for this past hour and a half has been just a blessing. My pleasure. You are a delightful woman, and I am just...

blessed to be in your presence. Oh, I listen. You guys all want to make out because we can. I'm not going to wipe the end of this too. So you guys, I got to let you go because Bailey is getting married. You are heading out to... She's at her engagement party, which is a thing they do nowadays. Yes, I guess. I never had an engagement party, but okay. It's going to be so... How cool is that to have you as a mother-in-law though?

She puts up with it. You know, kids are kids. No matter how famous you are, no matter who you are, what you do, you can still let them down. You can still not perfect. No, I get it. I totally get it. We got our daughter at home, and sometimes she's like, I'm just, you know, can you guys just turn it off? I'm like, what do you mean? I know.

Yeah. We're good. We're fine. Everything's great. Aw. Well, thank you guys again for being here. And I'm so happy I got to meet Wifey too. Oh, yeah. And thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of Dumb Blonde. I'll see you guys next week. Bye.

Let's talk about our favorite fall scents. I love marshmallows. I love the smell of s'mores. I love the smell of dark chocolate. I love the smell of rain on a dreary autumn night. Not a pumpkin spice latte fan though. Sorry ladies.

But you want to know what's not on this list? B.O. Let's face it, summer isn't the only time we get body odor. We can get just as smelly under our favorite fall sweaters. That's why I'm excited to tell you about Lume's Whole Body Deodorant for pits, privates, and beyond. As a special offer, new customers get 15% off all Lume products with our exclusive code. Use code BUNNIEXO, B-U-N-N-I-E-X-O, baby.

at LumeDeodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. You guys already know I've been preaching to you for months now. I absolutely love Lume products. And now that I'm on tour under pressure 24 seven, what do I got with me? A whole case full of Lume, you bet your buttons. Lume starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant,

Cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack.

Use code bunny XO, B-U-N-N-I-E XO for 15% off your first purchase at lumideodorant.com. That's code bunny XO, B-U-N-N-I-E XO at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com.