Brittany Furlan Lee: Comedy Queen
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Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. Let's do this.

What's up you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today I have one of my favorite humans on social media. I have been following this woman for such a long time. We've talked and it has finally come to fruition.

Brittany, is it Furlan? Furlan. I never want to pronounce it the wrong way. That's okay. Everyone says it differently. Brittany Furlan, baby. What's up? What's up, dude? I'm so happy to be here. Dude, you are just like a warm hug. Your energy is always so sweet. Thanks. Even when people are attacking you, you're so fucking nice. Sometimes I want to be like, leave my girl alone, you know, and like go crazy. But for some reason, I just, you know, I just always want to give you the biggest hug. Oh, thanks, Bonnie.

It's so funny because we're meeting in person for the first time. But you know how you meet someone and you just feel cozy? Like you're a cozy person. Oh, you want to climb inside of me? Yeah. I want to give you a big hug. No, I'm like, it's crazy. Like you're just like, you know how it's not. Well, for me, I'm always nervous around people. Yeah. Just everyone. Yeah. Well, yeah. You don't know what to expect.

I'm very uncomfortable all the time almost so like when you meet someone that you're like okay I can just chill like it's nice I can let my tits hang out yeah you're that person you're that person I just take my top off yeah that's what I strive for yeah exactly it's to get you naked you're a comfort person I'm dead they're gonna have to pay more on the patreon for that yeah for sure it wouldn't be the first time we've had some titties flop out on the podcast though yeah who took the

their titties out. I know Jesse Lawless off the top took her and she had some she's a full lesbian gorgeous tits. Wow. I feel like every fucking lesbian has the nicest tits. Wow. She's with Jenny Jameson. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy.

Jenna might be coming on the podcast. We're waiting to see. But yeah, she might be coming on the podcast. Yeah, that's crazy, man. Yeah, I know. I hate that because like I would pull my tits out. My husband would be like, uh. But you know, I hate it because people are always like, your tits are fake. That's like the worst. Because they're real though. Yeah, they're real. 100%. I actually wear sports bra.

Because I don't like my tits. You got a beautiful set of knockers. I've seen them in bikinis. Thank you. I mean, it's like, I flashed at the Motley Show because my husband wasn't getting, he always asked people to like, you know, and he wasn't getting any. So I flashed there and I was just like, yeah, whatever. His crowd finally got too old to start clapping their titties. Yeah, they're like, no,

We don't really want to do that. So my husband's like, you come out and flash your tits. I could care less. Might as well show them while they're nice. Yeah, for sure. Not going to be nice forever. Listen, I have my butthole on the Internet. So listen, listen, I love listen, I'm going to go to a Motley Crue show just to see Britney's titties. I'm dead. Well, I don't know if I'll show them again, but I can show you later. All right. And I'll let you feel them, too, if you want to prove that there's no implant in here. I hate that.

Really? People are constantly, like I've done filler and stuff in my face. I'm always very honest. Same. I've been very transparent about it because I never want anyone to feel less than, you know, I never want anyone to look at me and go like. Or like unrealistic expectations. Exactly. Like I will always be honest. I get laser, you know, I do filler here and there, Botox, but I've never touched my body below my neck ever. I love that. So it's just like weird when people are just like, they just have to like. Yeah.

Yeah. And give it to you. And it's like they want you to fucking draw blood just proving that. Yeah. Proving. And then once you do prove it, they still don't believe you. Like, yeah, I have to argue with the Internet about my age. People, people tell me I'm like, I'm 44. And people are like, no, you're not. Google says you're 29. Right. And I'm like, I'm not. Trust me. I would go with 29. I'm like, yeah, I'm

Like, why would I say I'm 44? I'd say maybe 34 or 36, but yeah, not 29. But yeah, that's just how the internet is. I'd be pumped about that. I'd be like, well, yeah, that is true. Google said it. I'm 29, bitch. Yeah, I'm a fucking eternal vampire until one day I wake up and I'm just fucking old and haggard. Every year it's 29. They're like, it's still 29. Literally.

Yeah, literally. That's what I always say. I'm dead. So I wanted to just kind of deep dive into finding out more about you. Of course. Like, I Googled you last night, and I was like, this girl has lived a full life. I'm tired. She's like, bitch, I'm tired. You know, I tell my husband, my husband's 61, and I'm 37, and I am just like, the fact that, like, I'm going to probably live till 60, I'm like, I don't know how people do it. Yeah, like, what do we do? What are we supposed to do? I'm so physically burnt just from...

like being anxious and being in fight or flight my whole life that I'm like, how do I do another 30 years? Like,

I don't even know. Like I'm so exhausted at 37 that I can't even imagine being 60. Like it's crazy. I get that because when I was going through my like suicidal ideation and that's another reason I've always been like super like attracted to you is that you are so open about your mental health journey, which we'll dive into in a little bit. But I think that right now, especially in the times that we live in is so fucking important because like,

try to act like everything's fine all the time. I hate that. And I love the fact that you're like, I am fucking about to get on a flight and I am scared to death and like, you're just so real about it, you know? So I just, I really, really appreciate that. What I was saying is when I was going through my suicidal ideation, I remember looking at Jay and I was like, I don't know how I'm going to live till 50. Yeah.

I don't want to be here till 50. Now I'm kind of like, shit, I might want to hang out till I'm 80, you know, but back when I was feeling like, you know, really depressed, it was really brutal just thinking about having to live another 10 years, you know? I mean, when I was younger and I wasn't on any antidepressants and I grew up, you know, with a mom who has borderline and

my dad worked all the time and I just was really struggling. And I remember I used to want to die all the time. I would pray to God, I don't want to wake up. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to be here anymore. And then finally, when I was 16, um,

I was a cutter. And so I got caught at school cutting. They sent me to the hospital. I got put in inpatient. And then from there, they ended up putting me on an antidepressant. At 16? Yeah. So I've been on the same one since 16. And it's called Effexor XR. It's a gnarly one. Like, basically, it really works, right? So like, I have really bad panic anxiety and

it does a good job to the point like where I'm able to like go on tour with my husband. I'm able to, you know, do things like when I got put on it, they put me on like 150 milligrams. Now I weaned myself down through the years to the starting dose. Wow.

But I've tried to get off of it completely because, you know, my life has changed and your life does change. And that's what I think people need to remember is that, you know, you may be in a season of your life where things are horrible and you won't, you don't want to be here, but that doesn't mean that spring isn't coming. You know, it does. It comes, you know, people sit there and they think this is forever. It's not. Nothing's forever. Good and bad. Right. Right.

So I weaned myself down to the lowest dose of that. And so I've just been on that forever. And it just kind of helps me get through. You know what I mean? And it's hard. It's really hard. Do you take anything to help yourself? I don't. I'm just fucking raw dogging life. I'm not against it, though. I had a Xanax addiction because my anxiety was so bad. That's hard to kick, man. I did it cold turkey. And I have to caution you guys. You cannot...

Quit Xanax cold turkey. I'm just telling you my story and that's how I did it. But I don't know how I fucking didn't end up having seizures because I was on so much of it. But the fact that you made it through that is insane because benzodiazepine like children's Benadryl getting off of it.

That is so fucking crazy. We have that in common. So when I got off of the Effexor for, I only did one year. I was off of Effexor right before Vine started. Yeah. I was off of Effexor for a whole year.

And, you know, and I'm still have this issue with Effexor and I'm sure anyone that has taken it will relate to this as I say, it's almost as hard or if not worse than kicking heroin. Your body, your brain is so addicted to it. I don't even know why they prescribe it. I mean, other than it does work for depression and panic, but the getting off of it is unreal. I got off of it.

the whole year my head i couldn't walk straight i was spinning i felt like vertigo felt like i was gonna throw up gosh i started going to the balance center on las llaniga to help me learn how to walk straight because i would walk like i was on a boat for a year and i would call my doctor and i'd go this effector fucked my brain up man like this fucked me up and he would gaslight me and say no it's not it's not you're fine you're fine and blah and i used to take children's benadryl

all day it's a savior all day and people be like how are you taking that not falling asleep yeah because my nervous system was so wrecked right and so i was taking this children's benadryl all day and then i fought for a whole year i said i'm gonna give it a year if i don't get better then i'm gonna get back on it and i just couldn't do it a year later i was still sick i started doing vine i was getting all these opportunities and i couldn't go to the meetings because i was too just i

Like shaky, confused. It gives you brain fog. Like I think it permanently changed the chemistry of my brain. Right. Yeah. So then I went back on it and.

it all went away. That is insane. So it's kind of fucked. That's what I tell people about getting off Xanax. They're like, well, when did you start feeling better? And I'm like, honestly, probably 2023. And I got sober in 2017. I'm like, it has taken so, and I'm still not a hundred percent, you know, like you, when you have neuro, when you take pills that mess with your neurological system, I don't, it takes forever. I'm so proud of you. Oh, I have

That is really fucking hard, dude. People don't realize. I mean, I would do anything to not be on anything. But I also know that in my family, there's schizophrenia. There's borderline. There's all this stuff. So like if I didn't take it, I'm really putting myself at risk for not being healthy. And like I'm like, you know what? This is a tiny bit. And I try to just give myself grace and just be like, it's not, you know, I don't take benzos. I don't do any of that. So that's the only thing I take.

I've always wanted to ask you, where do you think the trauma started that you have that have such a dysregulated nervous system like that? I know my trauma started when I was fucking probably at the moment of conception, you know, because I do say trauma starts in the womb. So, I mean, I feel like my mom was already my mom was diagnosed schizophrenic. So it's definitely in the family to dad's a narcissist. So, you know, the trauma starts as children. Like, tell me a little bit about your childhood.

Well, I mean, it's like the body keeps the score, right? So that's a really big book. So my mom was pregnant with me and I was born with a really severe birth defect. I was born with clubbed feet. So my feet were bent in completely almost backwards. And at that time, 1986, there wasn't like a really good surgery for that.

So they didn't know if I was ever gonna walk. So immediately upon being born, I'm taken from my mom and I'm put in casts.

heavy casts and they bent my leg straight which was painful and they put these casts on oh my gosh and so I couldn't move I couldn't roll over as a baby and I'm like I can't even imagine just even as a baby obviously I don't remember your nervous system my nervous system immediately as soon as you enter the world you're being thrown in these heavy casts you can't roll over you can't do anything and

And I do have memories of just being really scared all the time. And I don't know why I was just scared. My parents, my mom yelled a lot. Oh, I'm so that yelling. I just like it just would freak me out and throw shit, break stuff. And I just was like, I can't handle this as a kid. I remember. And do you yell as an adult now? No. Yeah. I'm like the same way to meager meek person because of that. Um,

And so I remember laying in my crib and I just remember being really scared all the time. Probably my earliest memory is that my dad felt so bad for me. He used to sleep on the floor next to my crib. And that would be the only thing that made me feel safe. And I couldn't roll over because I had casts on my legs. And I remember my dad would try to army crawl out of the room and I'd go, and then he'd just lay back down. But I do remember just being up all night staring at,

to make sure he wouldn't leave and then I would like sleep during the day and I still have this weird thing with night time now like I'm up all night me too until like 3 or 4 yeah and then I fall asleep like during the day it's so weird my husband's total opposite but yeah so I think that's like kind of how it started was my feet and then you know my mom struggling with the borderline and my parents got divorced really really young and then my dad just raised us by himself where'd mom go well she freaked out in front of the judge and

Oh. Because normally a mother would get custody. Right. And so they were in custody court and my mom, you know, people with borderline, they can only...

Mask it so much right and I think the judge said something she did not like and then boom there went the trigger and the judge saw it Wow, and it was right about when my parents were gonna get 50/50 and then the judge saw that was like nope now you don't get any custody and you can only have visitation with your kids with twos - Had to be too super my aunt and my grandma were supposed to be there. No

Wow. So they really gave it to her. And I also feel really bad for my mom because my mom was a nurse. Mm-hmm.

And so, you know, nurses, like, they don't think that they need help because they're a nurse. You know what I mean? So it's like... I feel like that generation, too. Yeah, too. They just don't want to take anything for it. And, you know, my mom, I have to say now, she takes something and she's doing great. Yay. Shout out, mom. And it's like crazy. Like, if this could have been her when I was younger, it would have been amazing. You know what I mean? But back then, they kind of were just anti that stuff. You know what I mean? Yeah. So she really, like...

you went through it. I mean, she was just tormented by her own brain and it was really hard. So I didn't really see her much. And my dad worked a lot. And so it was like by myself a lot, really bad depression. And then there was cutting and I didn't have a lot of friends. I just have my one friend that I'm still friends with. And when did you start cutting? Um,

Well, I wanted to like die. So I was like not strong enough to like kill myself. So I would just like try and then like I couldn't like kill myself. So it was like really sad. And then... When did that start? Like how old? Like I was probably 15, 14, 15. Yeah. That's when all like your hormones are kicking in. Yeah. And I just remember just feeling like I've always just felt really uncomfortable in life. I always felt like I don't belong. Yeah.

and i would like go to school and like i would make people laugh and like then i'd come home and just be like i'm so sad and it was just weird they say the funniest people are the saddest yeah like i would entertain everybody and then i'd be like okay well the job's done and like you know it was like so suck because like i never wanted anyone else to ever feel sad so i would go in and just make everybody i'd be like the clown you know i got voted like class clown out of the girls and the guys and then i would go home and just be so depressed and feel so empty you know so it was just really hard and

Did cutting make you feel like a sense of relief? Well, you get like endorphins. You do get like a surge of endorphins, you know? So I would get a little bit of that. But also I was just like...

hoping that one day I could fully do it you know what I mean but then I also felt so bad for my dad because I was like my dad was trying so hard he was working so much to support my brother and I and so it was really sad so I will say the medicine did help me but the thing that was the best for me was just getting the fuck out of Pennsylvania yeah getting away from Pennsylvania is kind of dreary anytime we've gone there on tour it's always like just melancholy it's depressing yeah like I I

like as soon as I moved to California when I was 17 as soon as I graduated I moved right to California you're like fuck this I'm leaving bye bye and I just was dad okay with that yes and the whole reason it happened was because my stepmom grew up in California and like we went and visited here on a trip and I was just like I just feel so much better here and I feel so good yeah and like being away from all the drama and you know and I was and I was in theater and I was like loving theater and loving acting and I knew I wanted to do something in entertainment and so I was like I'm gonna go try you know what I mean so

So I just came by myself at 17 and then, like, just worked a bunch of fucking odd jobs and did stand-up and opened mics. And, like, oh, God, it's just, like, such a journey. So let's talk about it. So your first night in L.A., you came here by yourself. Yes. What is...

17 year old Brittany doing well so my dad was like you have to go to college because you can't just go out there with nothing so I enlisted in the easiest college I could find which was fashion school oh nice literally I was like what's the most dumb shit like you know what I mean like our quizzes were like what outfits are cute you know what I mean like this one not that

one right like there's not a wrong answer yeah like it's like not even like what colors they're on the color wheel like it was just so stupid it was a dumb as shit I'm like I can't believe we're paying for this but but I loved it you know and I met some good friends there um

And so I was in fashion school and that was in downtown L.A. in 2006. Yeah. So there was like primetime. There was nothing there, though. Downtown. There was nothing like fucking homeless people and businessmen during the day. Right. No L.A. live yet. There was nothing. Wow. So I used to have to walk through all this craziness to get to school. I lived on 7th and Bixel. Wow. And it was just insane.

sane and I thought like wow this isn't Hollywood I was like this place sucks you know because I lived in downtown LA I'm like fuck all the cool shit you know so I eventually end up moving into a house in the Hollywood Hills with my friends and then that's when it kind of the whole thing begins and I I start doing open mic comedy and I feel like 2006 in LA and Vegas was like

peak times yeah yeah it was like peak times of just it was kind of like i don't want to say innocent but it was like it was and like we had so much fucking fun yeah well you did yeah i did i did not have fun i struggle city dude i was i mean it was like it wasn't i was happy to be out here right way better than being in pennsylvania but i was strong

struggling like financially or just like spiritually all of it I mean I I had to pay my rent was I lived in a three-bedroom house that was gorgeous and 2006 my rent my quarter of the rent was 750 a month so I had to come up with 750 I mean that's nothing these days right yeah we look at that now we're

But no, back then. Back then it was a lot. And so I was super skinny. I was like maybe like 105 pounds. And so I got picked up to be a fit model from my school to the fashion district downtown. So I would have all these like fashion companies that were owned by like all these Asian people. And they would stand around me and speak another language. And they would try clothes on me all day. And they'd be like, oh, no, no, no.

and like then trying outfits on me because they would make the pattern and everything and they like to use live models, right? And so this job was great. I got paid like $200 an hour. Wow. And you'd be there for like four hours like every couple times a week, right? Getting fitted. It was great. And I would stand there but the one rule was that you couldn't gain weight.

Oh my gosh. So I would see girls come in and they measured us every day. They would measure us and make sure like, oh, and then one of the girls would get fat and then they would like whisper to each other and they'd be like, oh, she'd be like, what? What do you mean? Like, get the fuck out because

out cassandra you fat ass like you know what i mean like she like guys they're so cutthroat when a girl would get called into the office we were all like like damn right so i would just see girls coming and going all the time yeah but i would like make them laugh so i think they liked me right yeah i lasted two years there wow which is crazy because i saw a million girls get come and go come and go come and go and then finally they got rid of it how are you not gaining weight where you develop an eating disorder no i was on adderall oh gosh like my roommate

Was on Adderall Yeah And she was like Dude you're really ADHD You should go see the doctor And get on Adderall Because I was This was back then When they would prescribe Anything for anyone At any time And then I went And I And my psychiatrist At the time Because I was on Such a high dose Of the Effexor At that point

because it would make me really tired, but I was still very ADHD. And he's like, you know what? Adderall would be great with this. And he gave it to me. And it actually was great. And I did great. And I only like, you know, I did actually really well on it. And for someone who has anxiety,

I didn't really have anxiety on it and I did really well on the Adderall Effexor combo. Yeah. And then one day in 2015 or no, I'm sorry, 2013, I got a really bad flu and I stopped taking the Adderall, you know, because I was sick. I was like, I'm not going to take Adderall for it. I'm like sick. And then my body just felt so tired and I was like, oh, this is speed. And I was like, I don't want it anymore. Yeah.

And I kicked it and I didn't want it anymore. And my doctors even now have tried to give it to me because I'm tired all the time. Really? And I was like, guys, I can't. I'm too anxious. So I can't take anything. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can barely drink a little bit of caffeine. Oh, coffee. I'll be rocking back and forth. I can't have a coffee. My heart pounds out of my chest. But I try to drink the strawberry refreshers from Starbucks. Those will crack you out. But they only have 45 milligrams of caffeine. And so I ask them to make it with extra water.

yeah and I'll have a little bit of that and that'll be okay yeah but yeah it's I did really well on the like high dose of effector low dose adderall for years but it does it for me I was already thin and then adderall on top of that you just don't eat and then I became obsessed with my weight because of the fit stuff and so I was very skinny yeah it was really bad but yeah no I mean I was surviving you know what I mean right you know I wouldn't say it was a bad time I would just say it was like a more like

me hustling like what was i gonna do you know and i was trying to act and i was trying to do comedy and so it was a crazy time and then that's how i met josh josh adam meyer so we love i was i told him about that the other day they were like we love josh josh is my ex-boyfriend which is so funny yeah it's just crazy how worlds collide yeah he's a sweetie he's a sweetheart such a sweetie he um

So he and I met through stand-up and we dated when we were both really young. I mean, I was probably like 21 maybe. How did you get into stand-up? You just one day was like, you know what? I'm a funny motherfucker. I'm going to go stand in front of a crowd because that's a tough thing to get into. Yeah. Especially for somebody who deals with anxiety the way you do. But I was at that time, I don't know why, it's like I was so driven. Mm-hmm.

And I was, again, on a higher dose of my medication, so I wasn't as scared. And so I would go do the day of open mics. At the comedy store, you can sign up. And the improv, you can sign up. At like 6 o'clock, you get like five minutes, right? And so I would do the open mics at the comedy store. And I remember Tommy, who used to work there as the manager, he doesn't work there anymore,

You know, I never had material. So I would just go up there and riff with the audience, the little audience that was there. Right. And I always had so much fun and was so good at it. And Tommy, who worked there, was like, you got to stay with this. You're so good at this. And he doesn't work there anymore. But then I so then I got I was doing open mic at this place called what was it called? It was on Melrose. I forget the fucking name of it. It was this bar.

and a casting director from E was watching the open mics and she was like you're so funny I want you to come audition for this show on E and I was like this is how it happens baby I'll call my parents I'm like I don't even know you anymore like I'm famous and like you know like and so I end up auditioning for this show it was called Reality Hell on E and it was basically from the creators of Punk where they were doing like a prank show where you would prank people and make them think they were on a

reality show but they weren't right and so i would did a couple seasons of that show and then i ended up doing prank my mom on tlc and so i was doing all these like prank shows and i was dating josh and josh would like show everybody he'd be like look how cool my girlfriend is she's on tv it was so funny but then i stopped doing stand-up because like i was you know doing the show i'm like i already made it this is what all the stand-ups want to do you know what i mean and then those shows went nowhere right right um and then i met my i josh and i ended up breaking up

and I met my boyfriend Randall who's a, was a music video director and I was in a music video and,

And then he bought me my first iPhone and then Vine came out and then... Vine was crazy for you. I remember you on Vine. I was never... I never did the Vine thing, but I had an account and would watch them. I was like one of those weirdos. And I loved you on Vine. We appreciate it. You had like fucking like what? 9 million followers on Vine? Yeah, it was crazy. It was wild. And like it was weird because when I got on there, it was like all these people that I looked up to like James Urbaniak and...

uh what's his name Goldberg and uh fucking uh Simon Rex and yeah you know all these people had all these nasty or what is Simon Dirt Nasty yeah Will Sasso like all these like comedians had really big followings on there and then I started surpassing them and I was like this is crazy and then it started turning into you know brands calling me and being like hey it's Benefit Cosmetics calling can we pay you ten thousand dollars to do a video and I was like yeah I did this video for like free lip

loss like you know what i mean like i'm so glad they offered at first because they were like can we give you like one blush i'd be like yes one blush is fine you know yeah so i ended up then then i ended up that taking off i started getting all these brand deals and then when when when uh talent agencies see you're making money that's when they come they're like little sharks it's like chum in the water oh we signed with i'm signed with wme right oh yeah so i'm with wme yeah i didn't

I love that. And so ICM, CAA and UTA all emailed me in the same week. I wanted to take a meeting and I had my first meeting with ICM and you know, places don't usually do this, but when I was going to leave, they were like, we really want you to be with us. Like sign this paper and blah, blah, blah. And I had a really like shitty manager at the time. And she was like, yeah, you should just do it instead of taking the other two meetings.

And so I ended up signing with ICM. They did absolutely nothing for me. They didn't help me at all. They didn't, they just collected money. So it was just like a nightmare, but you know, it is what it is. Yeah. It's a learning. You live and you learn, but you know,

I feel like the talent agent industry is, like, very different now. They kind of just want you to do all the work. You get the followers. You to make the money. We talk about this all the time. I love you, Sloan, but yes, we agree. Yeah, no, everybody. Like, I mean, they do. They literally... I mean, my husband has these friends that are, like, incredible musicians. Like, their band, their music is un-fucking-real. Yeah. But then...

They try to get signed and the first thing these agencies say are, how many followers do you have? And they're just indie guys. They don't care about Instagram. Which you can blow up nowadays. Social media is such a... If you get on a TikTok or something. Literally. But you gotta get something. Yeah, you gotta get something. And these guys are not into that. And so it's like they end up suffering and not making it. And it's like, you know... So I've just had like bad experiences. You know, I've just...

I went from one to the one to the one and I'm just like, this is just like nobody, nobody wanted to do anything. Everyone wanted to just collect. Kind of mooch, yeah. You also, during this time, I'm going to look at my notes really quick if you see me looking down. You took notes? I love you. Oh yeah. I got notes baby. Holy shit. I feel so bad I had you on ours and I'm all just like, hello. No, you're good. During this time, you got an award, right? Or something like that. Yeah.

You were in a pit bull video. Oh yeah. He's the best. He still follows me. I love, I love that. You are the most followed woman on vine. Yeah. And you, your influence was so big at the time that time magazine and 2015 listed you as the 30 most influential people on the internet. Yeah. With Kim Kardashian and Barack Obama. That's fucking huge. Dude, I cut that shit out. I was going to say, do you have it? I'll never forget it. The issue of time. It was a,

a TV on the front with a reflection in it. Yeah. They made it reflectible so you could see yourself. And it was really cool. And I bought like 30 copies and I sent it to my family and I'm like, guess who's not a failure? Like I'm not a failure. Cause you know, every somebody at home is waiting for you to fail. Everyone's waiting for me to fail. Yeah. They still are waiting. Keep,

I think you've done pretty damn good with that, though. I try. And then, yeah, so amazing stuff happened. I got really, you know, I say it's a blessing because, you know, God, I feel like, you know, not to get religious on your podcast,

No, you can. I love Jesus. I have a lot of faith. I have a lot of faith. And I think that God, I pray all the time. Yeah. And I think God has really come through for me many times. To me, prayer is a form of manifesting. Absolutely. Like you're literally, you're asking the universe and you're asking God like, hey, this is what I need. Your words are spells. So as soon as you put them in the universe,

It gets grabbed, you know? So I, I love, you can get religious as you want on my podcast. Yeah, absolutely. And you're so right about that. You know, I, I pray to God every night. I pray before I eat.

And I just, you know, I feel like God has really come through with for me. And I know a lot of people are like some people don't believe in it, whatever. But it's like it's such a personal experience. I really feel something. So you're so wholesome. Oh, you really are. Like, I would never picture you to be as wholesome as you are. I just really such a sweetie pie. Thanks. I mean, I'm a goofball when I'm, you know, performing or online. But I have a very, like, real serious side, too. And do you feel like there's two different Brittany?

Oh, for sure. One that you present to the world and then one at home? A hundred percent. Yeah. And you probably relate to this too. Oh, absolutely. A lot of people with autism or I don't want to say I have autism. Yeah. But I do say that I. Have autistic traits. I mask where like I perform. Right. And then I come home and I'm like, okay. And I take it off. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's almost like taking off a heavy coat. Yeah. And then I'm like, okay, now I can be me again. You know what I mean? And.

There's just so many other little weird things I do I won't get into. Well, you took the test. I did. I got a 138. So the next step is we have to get diagnosed. I know. So to go get diagnosed, I looked into it because my brother's son is autistic. Right. Excuse me. My brother has some things he's struggling with, and then he was going to get the official test for it as well. And then they were like, it's $2,500. And then I was like, okay, and then what do they do as an adult? Because with children, when my nephew got –

you know, he got diagnosed. Now the government actually will send people to your house to help you work with your autistic child, which is really nice. There's a lot of government programs. That's amazing. So a couple times a week, they send someone over to my brother's house and they teach them how to work with my nephew so that he doesn't get overstimulated. They learn his triggers. They learn, you know,

They say autism is hereditary now is what they're saying. So I definitely think my mom had some things going on because she was super OCD like I am and like, you know, so I would love to. Well, there's so many different versions and I don't really think anyone's normal.

You know, like we all have our own things and quirks. And, you know, I think that there's really high functioning autism with mixed with ADD and all kinds of other things that's harder to diagnose and things like that. You know, I don't think anyone can particularly put people in like a box. Right. Right. Right. Right. There's not one size fits all. Yeah. Like I feel like we all have a little bit of, you know, and it all kind of intertwines, you know, so, um, yeah.

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I was, you know, I dated a really horrible guy who cheated on me with prostitutes and then I went through that. Damn it. Yeah. And then I met my husband on Raya. Aw.

In 2017 Yeah So it's been seven years Aww So what is Raya Because my doctor Reached out to me The other day And she's like Hey I need you As a reference For Raya Your doctor Has you as a reference And I was like I was like What is Raya And she was like Don't worry about it Just can I use you As a reference And I was like Sure I don't care

What is it? So it's like basically like when they first started it, it was like, it's like a celebrity dating app. Well, it's not like that. I don't feel like anymore. I mean, there's a lot of famous people on there still. Like I know Drew Barrymore's on there. A bunch of people are on there playing with it. Drew Barrymore's on Raya. That's awesome. She said she was on something like that. And then, uh,

Yeah, so when I got on, I had no idea. So basically because I had a big following, the creators reached out to me and said, hey, we want to give you an account. They weren't charging for it at the time. You just had to be approved. We need to put Haley on Raya. You had to be approved. You have to be approved. Yeah. So it's kind of a gnarly thing. So they were like, we just want to put you on there. It's a dating app. We know you're single and we think you'd be great. Who's doing the approving? The guys who run the app. Oh, God.

God, that's crazy. I don't know if it's the guys who created it. At first, I think it may have been the guys who created it. And now they have a team. And now they probably have a team. Wow. Wild. So they put me on there. And I remember the first time I opened it, I'm scrolling. And it's like, Joshua Jackson, Elijah Wood, John Mayer. And I can say all this now because I'm never going back on the app. You're usually not allowed to talk about it or they'll take your account away. Well, I'm going on Raya. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Jay will be like, what are you doing? People go on there for just friends. We're like, me.

Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah. Tell us how your relationship's not working out. It's so crazy. So I got on there with all these famous people. I went out with a bunch of them. Maybe like two or three actually. Not really actually. Everyone was really nice. Damn it, I'm tired of these nice guys. I know. Actually, I...

You know, I don't have any with like famous people. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like most of them are pretty. Yeah. Like they're really sweet. Like I did go on a date with Elijah Wood and he was just like so sweet. No, he's very small. Yeah. And I wasn't like attracted to him, but I really liked his personality and he was like so nice. And he has this really cool house that has like a big movie theater and like everything

in the like living area and he was just like so nice and so cool but not like romantic vibes right you know like homie huh like a homie yeah he was just really cool guy and I think he's like I think he has a wife now and a kid and you know whatever I've run into him since then he's just a really sweet person um

Yeah. And so, I mean, everyone that I went out with was pretty cool. I didn't, I didn't like click with anyone because I am so particular. You know what I mean? People are always like, oh, you're just with Tommy for his money. I went out with so many other people that I could have been with for their money if that was the case. But I was making so much money on Vine. People have no idea. No, I bet. Like I have money. You were like one of the first people

to monetize that platform, right? Or to even monetize social media. Exactly. Like, I'm like, that I did not need and I still don't need, you know, I still always, you know, I do my jewelry and I do my own thing still because the necklace you have on is from your jewelry line. I made my necklaces. Yeah. What is it? It's called Lovely Jewelry. And it's just kind of something fun to like do with my hands and not be on my phone. Yeah. So I love that. I want to start crocheting. Yeah, it's amazing. I swear to God. It looks hard. I'll let you know how it goes. Okay, let me know how it goes.

You're like, I did one stitch and I hated it. I do. I want to crochet. I forgot to tell you. I've dived into this. I'm going to try to do this in March when I take every March off. So I'm going to try to learn how to crochet during March. Yeah, you just turn into a full-on grandma. Next time I do your podcast, you're just covered in like a fucking... I'm going to make you a blanket, bitch. You're just knitting during the whole podcast. Uh-huh. Yep. Rocking in your chair with a cat in your lap. With my bifocals on. Literally. In a Bible. Just like full-on. I'm like, wow, Bunny's taking a turn. Well, one extreme to the other. Yes. Yes. So...

No, so I do the jewelry and I always try to make my own money. I actually don't like to spend any of my husband's money because- The same way. Because I, my grandma told me this quote when I was younger and she said, if you give them the power to feed you, you give them the power to starve you. Yeah. And that shit hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like-

like ah you know what I mean like I gotta always have my own shit you know plus like I'm I have a fear of abandonment all the time so I'm always like I gotta make sure I'm okay you're always afraid the carpet's gonna get yanked out from underneath you always no I'm the same way we were checking into the the hotel here and they're like well miss D Ford I just want to let you know your card is on file and it has your name on it are you okay with that and I go yeah I run my own ship

I said, I don't ask my husband for anything. You know, I was, I just thought it was crazy that they would ask me that. Like how many wives do they have are like, no, put my husband's card on file. Yeah. That was crazy. No shame in that. I wish I could be that person. So like easy going. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my husband's very nice. I mean, he gives me a card and he, you know, I don't ever have to, I'm not for want, but you know, it's my own personal thing that I'm like, no, I want to make

my own because then he probably loves that about you too because men men test women too yeah he does love that about me yeah especially because this is the weird thing like when it's their birthday or Christmas and

You're going to go buy something with their own money? I'm like, what? No, that's so weird. That would make me so sad. You know what I mean? Here, you bought this for yourself. Happy birthday. You know what I mean? Here's my pussy. It's all I got to offer. Exactly. I'm not talking shit about women. No, I mean, if that's your bag, that's your bag. It's fine. It's fine. It's just not. I'm not comfortable with it. So I just, I've kind of just done my own thing. So 2017, you're swiping on Raya. Yeah.

We match and it's so funny because he is just so funny. Tommy's just like a very, like, just no, you know how guys try to be cool and like not text you? Right. As soon as we match, he's like, hi! And it's like 30 messages and he's like, what's up? How are you? Like, wanna hang out? Listen to this new song. Check it out. Did you listen to it yet? Like, it was so funny. It was like, brr.

like and like normally girls would be like that's a red flag but for me i'm like oh like he's so fun and i was like he's a puppy yeah and he was just so nice and i was so tired of people that played games or guys that would like you like if you want to talk to me talk to me like yeah you text them back and then they wait three days to respond and you're like but then they like are still engaging and they're trying to be cool and i'm just like whatever so he was not like that guys don't do that that shit's don't do it the girls like it's cool to care yeah it's cool to

- He cared, that's a good, yeah, that's a good saying. It is cool to care. So he cared and he was very persistent and he invited me to Pride, which is so fitting, and we met up at Pride and we just fucking held hands and like never let go. And we started hanging out every single day.

And, you know, I've told this story before. He was like dating Carmen Electra. And then we got together and he just, boom, just dropped everybody. You guys were searching for each other. Yeah. You guys really needed each other. I feel like that's how Jay and I were. Like when you meet that person, you just know.

And it's like there's no questions asked. No words have to be spoken. It's like you literally link up and you never leave each other. It's like comfortable. Yeah, safe. And safe. And I don't feel comfortable with like a lot of people. So the fact that like when I first hung out with him, I felt instantly very cozy. I was like, this is a weird thing. Like I'm not used to this, you know. I'm so used to being so –

worried and I was just so comfortable and we just hit it off right away I think I moved in after like three weeks no and we got engaged after six months and then yeah Jay and I got married a month after hanging out with each other amazing and everybody's like you guys are not gonna make it and here we are eight years later same seven yeah yeah yeah so we were a year after you you were 2016 it's so wild dude isn't it yeah no I love that

for you though that you guys found each other's safe space I'm so happy like I really am like it's just so nice to not be in that world anymore because LA is like bleak for dating man we were just talking about this at dinner last night I feel bad for anybody who has to date in this fucking environment whoo

God bless. So the girl we went to dinner with last night, should I tell her story? Said that she went on a date with some guy. He's like, Hey, I'm making steaks. Come on over. And then they, he goes, she goes over there. She's like, all right, cool. I didn't really want to go anyways, but I went, cause I was like, you know, whatever. And he opens the door and I was like, Hey, where's your steak? And she's like,

you told me you were cooking steaks and he's like, all right, well I have one. So, you know, come on in. So he started, he cooks the steak. He's like, Hey, you want a bite? And when it's done cooking and gives her one bite and then throws the fork away and proceeds to eat the steak right in front of her. I was like, if that is what dating is like, I don't fucking want it, dude. He said, I'm cooking steaks. And then asked her where her steak was fucking BYOB steak hanging out. Like what the fuck? BYOS. BYOS. Bring your own steak.

Well, I'm sorry. You can have a little nibble of mine. That's crazy. No, for sure. Yeah, I can imagine. Yeah, Brittany. Brittany, my we do the podcast. This is the worst Brittany Schmidt comedian. She's. Yeah, we're going to talk about. So funny. And she's single and the stories. Oh, oh, and she likes NBA players. Oh, my gosh. She likes. That's like a glutton for punishment right there. But she's tough as a girl. Like she can take some shit. But I'm like, dude.

she's got like some crazy shit that goes on and I'm just like, oh my God, I can't. I couldn't handle it. No, I wouldn't want to do it. I always say if Jay and I don't make it, I'm literally going to be like Cher. I'll be 76 years old dating fucking little 25, 26 year olds just so there's no like,

emotional commitment. Like everybody knows what it is. They love older women too. Like not that we're older, but I mean older than them. You know what I mean? Like young guys. Well, they've got mommy issues. Yeah. Like I meet young guys. I'll be at the grocery store. Young guys are always like, hi. And I'm like, get away from me, child. Like, what are you doing? Why are you staring at me like that? You know what I mean? Looking at you like you're a steak. Yeah. I'm like, chill, bro. It's kind of crazy. So let's circle back to you and Tommy, you know, just hooking up, getting together and

The media attention. Oh boy. That you guys got. What was that like in the beginning for you? Like you're, I feel like, and we talked about this a little bit off camera is like,

The internet is just so cruel. Yeah. And it's, I don't want to say having to live in a shadow of his former relationship, but pretty much like the internet will not let him move on and live happily ever after with you. Never. How do you, how do you feel about that? How do you deal with that? Like, where did we start with that? I mean, it's so heartbreaking because it's like, I've been with my husband for,

I think longer than any of the relationships except for Heather. I think he was with Heather for eight years. You're friends with Heather too, right? That's amazing. I mean, that's the thing is like, if people are nice to me, I am nice to them. If they are not nice to me, I am not nice to them. And like, you know, you see a lot of what's on the media, but you don't know what's happened in

real life. Right. So people make their judgments like oh this person's so sweet and this person's this and this person's that and I'm like like you don't people don't realize what is really happening. You know they are fed what says what media wants to want. Yeah. It's a machine people personally you don't know the way they've treated people and things like that and it's it's not what people think it's very different. And I

you know, there's a lot I can say and there's a lot I can't say, obviously, because there's kids and Tommy's relationship with his kids. But do you get along with the boys? I do. I like the boys. Yeah. I mean, and Tommy had a crazy drinking problem and I had never been around someone that had a crazy drinking problem when you guys first got together. Yeah. So I didn't know like how bad this was. And I, you know, we were we would

be together and you'd be drinking all day but he was still kind of like pretty he was pretty regular you know what I mean because he was such an alcoholic he could he could drink like a whole liter of Tito's and be talking to you oh my goodness it's pretty scary but like for me like I'd never been around how's his liver he's great now oh good yeah now he's great then not so much so you know he was

was doing that and you know it caused a lot of contention because the kids were living with us at the time and you know he didn't want to go out in the living room because they were there with their friends and so he'd be like babe can you go get me a drink and I and I'm like I'm so a sober person I really don't I haven't had a drink in like 10 years like I don't like it and he would want me to drink with him but I'd already been sober pretty much before that and so I wasn't into drinking I wouldn't drink with him you know what I mean and

And so I would go to the kitchen and I would fill his glass with mostly water. And then I'd pour like a little bit of vodka in because I was like, man, he's already had like way too many drinks. So I would just put mostly water, but just enough so he could, you know, taste it. And then when he would go to bed at night, I would dump half the vodka out and I'd fill the bottle with water and I'd like shake it so that hopefully it wouldn't

freeze because vodka doesn't freeze right so i had to make sure like and then he would get mad sometimes because it would be frozen he'd be like you put water in it again you know what i mean but the boys didn't know i was doing all this so they would like see me going to the kitchen and they'd be like think i'm making him drinks and enabling him and so then they started to hate me and you know then that was when that whole thing happened with brandon like the intervention the punching all this stuff it was horrible and then

I talked to Tommy's manager. He is a manager that really loves him. And I told him, I was like, we got to get this guy sober. Like, this is crazy. You know, like he's killing himself. And so we convinced Tommy somehow to go to rehab. And yeah, and the day of he didn't want to go. And then Nikki Sixx came over and helped me put his ass in the car and took him over to rehab. And he was there for 45 days and he did really great. And since then he's been doing really great. He's fallen off.

the wagon like twice but it was like really short stints you know expected yeah he's not from Tommy Lee he's not perfect I mean he's a massive alcoholic and to go from that much of an alcoholic to nothing that you know it was a lot it was a lot and then you know you have to when you become sober living with all those feelings and all these things that he hasn't felt in so long and

You know, it took him a while, but now I feel like he's finally, like, really found his zen. You know, he doesn't even really talk about drinking. He'll, like, make a joke here and there, but it's like, and that's what I think is so fucked is, like, people will be like, oh, he's all coked out or whatever. Like, no, Tommy is sober. Tommy does not use drugs. Like, stop fucking spreading shit about people. He fucking clips bonsai trees. Yeah, he's hyper. He's ADHD. He's a 17-year-old, like, man, you know, 61-year-old man.

He's a child. He's like a very young personality. Yeah. Because he got famous at 17. And so he's kind of always stayed like very childlike. Yeah. And that's what's sweet about him is that he's like a little like kid. Mm-hmm.

You know, big kid. But so, yeah. So, I mean, it's like I'm just so proud of him because now he's really found his peace. Proud of you both. Yeah. I mean, we're doing it's just so nice. And we just we're just trying to live our life and not be pulled into, you know, the bullshit, man. Like, it's just crazy. Yeah. I saw what you were having to go through when the Pam and Tommy documentary draw or not documentary, but the show. Oh, the who and the Hulu thing. Yeah. Well, that's like funny because like.

So I start dating Tommy and Seth Rogen follows me. And I remember him watching. He would watch my stories and I would post with Tommy. And then all of a sudden, like a couple months later, it's like Seth Rogen's producing a Pam and Tommy series. Like completely out of nowhere. And I was like, God, I hope I didn't give him the idea. I'm pretty sure he DM'd me. I have to check and was like, oh my God, is that Tommy Lee or something like that? Because he was shocked. Yeah.

um but i have to check but he was following he follows me and he was following me then and like saw i would see him see it you know and i'm like that's weird and then he now is producing would produce that show and like that you know tommy had nothing to do with that right neither neither of them did and so you know people would say oh tommy gave it his blessing but not really only reason tommy ended up in any way involved was because um

God, who's the guy who played him? Now I'm like having a fucking Sebastian Stan. So Sebastian is friends with Fred Durst. Gotcha. Because they did a movie together. Fred Durst is the director. And so Fred called Tommy and was like, Sebastian really wants to meet you. He totally understands if you don't want to meet him, you know, it's whatever, but he really wants to meet you. And so Tommy was like, okay, I'll meet him. Tommy's just so nice. You know what I mean? Tommy's just a nice guy. And so we went out to dinner with Sebastian, of course got papped.

And then everyone was like, Tommy's supporting it. And it was like, it wasn't even Tommy supporting it. It was literally Tommy just being nice to a guy who's friends with Fred. And like, Sebastian actually is such a nice guy. And it's not like, you know what I mean? An actor's just taking a job. You know, you can't hate the actor. You know what I mean? Like, you're just like, they're trying to make money. So, you know, people spun out about that. And we're like, oh, well, why are you mad? Not mad about this, but you're mad about that. And I'm like...

Nobody's like... What are you talking about? We were friends. We were just being nice to Sebastian. It's crazy that they can come up with so many assumptions off one picture. I'm so exhausted. Can we address the TikTok that kind of caused so much chaos? It was so stupid on my part. But it wasn't even a bad TikTok. It was a joke. I could kind of understand where you were coming from because you do get attacked so much online. But it was like a joke. It wasn't even to be like... That was more like because...

What had happened is as soon as that documentary came out, immediately within hours, people were flooding my page going, you're interrupting true love. They need to be back together. Meanwhile, I've already been with my husband for five years, you know, longer than the whole relationship. And I'm like, this is just so insane. And I remember like,

You know, I don't have great mental health. And so part of me, whenever anything makes me uncomfortable, my first thought is like, let's make a joke. Same. I laugh at the most inappropriate shit all the time. And I don't think sometimes before I act. And I was just like, this is funny.

And so I just did it. And even Tommy was like, it's funny, whatever. Yeah. And then I posted it and I was like, oh God, this is going to get taken the wrong way. And of course it did. And then, so I just took it down right away. It was more just like an intrusive thought, like acting on like an intrusive thought. And then it was somebody already screenshotted it and sent it to the daily mail. I literally posted it for like three seconds and then people spun it. The internet is like that telephone game, you know, like something. And then by the time it gets to like the phone,

It's like a total different story. It's like a 20th person. It's like, you know, yeah. It's just crazy. So I was just like, you know what? I just need to shut the fuck up at this point. And I'm just like... I'm so like... Now I'm just... You know, I'm just used to it now. Yeah. It's like I get constantly still get it. Have you... And I'm probably going to get it forever. Have you ever reached out to Pam or has she reached out to you to just kind of like be like just an olive branch? No. I think it just...

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Brandon and Tommy's alcoholism she blamed me in a public diary oh and said Brittany's the reason Tommy is drinking so much and that she's an alcoholic and he needs someone to behave bad with gotcha this has since been removed from her like online open journal thing but it was on there and I remember being really hurt by that never got an apology for that you know even though I'm like I don't even drink what are we talking about like this is crazy and I think it's on like somewhere and then the quote

Of course, everyone is like, yeah, I could see Britney. She's an alcoholic drug addict. And I'm like, I'm like scared of everything, like let alone fucking getting wasted. And so I was really hurt by that. And then also it was just like, you know, the texting Tommy here and there and being like, yeah, like, hey, like pictures of yourself, whatever. So it was just like annoying. And it was more just like, oh, like this is not a good vibe.

Whereas with Heather, like, Heather would text both of us. Yeah. And be like, do you guys want to, like, come over? Do you want to hang out? Blah, blah, blah. Just, like, a totally different vibe. Yeah. And it was a very friendly, like, welcoming vibe. And so, you know, I wish her the best. Yeah. I really do. I hope, because it's sad. Like, I really, I can't imagine, like, being so in love with someone still and, like,

not being with them and then being with someone else like that must really hurt you know what I mean like fuck the pain like that must really fucking hurt and it's really sad probably and like you know for her sake she's beautiful she's you know still looks great and I hope she meets someone else and falls in love I really do because that the pain of wanting something is

Like, I love my husband. I'm not going anywhere. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, unless, God forbid, some freak accident happens, you know? No, nothing's gonna happen. But, like, I just, like, man, like, I... And I...

And I almost like I was upset at first. Now I'm just like I'm more like I feel bad. And I'm like that must suck, you know, to like really care for someone so much still and not be with them, you know. So I have sympathy. Absolutely. You know, I try to put myself now. That's very mature though. I try. I try to put myself in other people's shoes. Like is it my favorite thing? No. But like it's like, you know, like I think like a lot of women who –

Get it are people that have a baby mama that is still in love with their husband You know what I mean? And I think they get it, but I think if you don't have that you don't get it You know what I mean?

Jay has two baby mamas. One I can get along with amazingly. She's a great woman. And the other one is a fucking nightmare. So there's just... It just depends. Like, it's just, you know, that's just life. You're going to get on... There's some people and some people not. I mean, you know, and that doesn't mean that, you know, they're a bad person. It's just that...

you know, it's not, it's not the vibe. And, and we've, you know, I've always been, you know, the thing is same thing as you is like, I've always wanted to be friends with everybody. Cause that's how I am. But it was like from the get go, it was immediately like made very clear to me that that was not, you know, that was not the vibe. So I was like, okay, cool. Um, you know, I didn't know my place. Um, but also like, this is my husband. So that was the hardest thing too, is like going through all that and having people be like, it's none of your business. And I'm like,

That was just none of my business. This is literally my husband that I, like, worked really hard with to, like, get healthy and, like, we're, like, so happy and just want to be, like, just be able to be happy and have everyone stop making shows and TV movies and Hallmark and fucking whatever else, you know what I mean? And have people come on my page and tell me that, like,

you know, whatever, you know? Do you feel like you're not allowed to ever have an opinion too whenever it comes to that? Yeah, I can't say shit. Everything, I'm always the bad guy. I'm probably going to get hate for this. I think you're being very honest and I think you're being very open and I think that's fair. Yeah, I mean, it is what it is. You're allowed to have...

and not have to push them down. And you haven't said anything that is, I think everything you've said is so like grown and mature. Yeah. I mean, I just, I get it. We're all hurting from something. We're all trying to live our lives and get along the best we can. And that's all we can do. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You know, I'm not perfect. I've definitely, you know, I already struggle with my mental health. And so I've said and done things where I'm like, God, Brittany, like fucking think sometimes before you speak, you know, but what can you do? Nobody gives us a handbook on life. No. And how we're supposed to react to certain things. And people don't realize when you're not in the spotlight and you're not getting hundreds of thousands of shit thrown at you every fucking day. Like you'll, you'll never understand it. The people that are trolling you,

literally have zero followers. And I don't mean that to be, to insult anybody, but you don't know what it feels like to live in shoes of people who are online and have to, you know, who have opened ourselves up to that. So, yeah. Yeah. I think it's frustrating. Yeah.

to like see stories made up about you. - Oh, girl. - Like that one's like, that one blows my mind. - Yeah. - A really big gossip column online and they wrote something like when the documentary came out, like, oh, well don't feel bad for Brittany because all she does is complain about her husband anyway. And I was like, what? - You're like, when? - And I wrote to the girl who runs the page 'cause she published it.

And the girl was like, oh, it's someone from your yoga class that sent this in. And I'm like, bitch, I don't do yoga. Yeah. Like, I don't even walk fast. Yeah. Like, let alone, I don't exercise. Like, I don't even fucking touch my toes. You know what I'm saying? She's like, I am not limber. And I said to her, I said, I don't do yoga. I said, I don't even have a yoga class. I'd appreciate it if you took it down. And she didn't.

You can't. They just want to have fake shit out there. I've learned that lesson. I learned that lesson actually this month. It started last year when I started getting dragged on TikTok for having a podcast with people who come and tell their side of the story. The only reason people hate me is because of this podcast.

Literally. Which is insane. It's wild, right? And this year, somebody... I didn't learn my lesson last year, so the universe sent me the same lesson this year with another bitch who fucking tried to paint this picture of me being this terrible human. When I reached out to her, like, hey, girl...

this is the truth. This is what's going on. If you do this, this is what's going to happen. Like I just try to keep it real and keep it with everybody twisted my words, twisted screenshots, posted them, made a video. Her and this other girl tried, didn't, didn't put everything in there though. They only put what fucking made their narrative. And I didn't respond.

for once in my life, I was like, you know what? God bless. I don't give a fuck. Think what you want. People are going to fucking make up whatever they want. Yeah. You know, and it's like, you can't reason with those people because your narrative doesn't make them money or get them attention. Nope. So they want, they have to paint their own narrative. It's so crazy, dude, how people spin shit. And I didn't even hear anything about that. So this bitch can't even be that popular. Oh no, she's not. I never heard anything about it. That was like when the whole thing happened with Trisha Paytas, who like,

I don't have anything against Trisha Paytas. I'm friends with Jason, who she was seeing at the time, and they dressed up as my husband and...

his ex for Halloween or a bunch of pictures or something. And then they tagged him and in every picture. And my husband saw it and he wasn't sober at the time and he made like a rude comment. And then I did never said anything to her, but she had also on Twitter been like, why is Brittany Furlan with Tommy Lee? That's so weird. And then when I responded to her, she was like, oh no girl, I totally stan it. And I was like, okay.

Anyway, so then I actually wrote her a DM and I think I still have them where I said I was so sorry about that. You know, he's struggling with alcoholism, whatever. I sent her a message. I'm pretty sure I probably still have them, but.

I was so nice and she was like, uh-uh, I'm making a YouTube video about it and you're going like da-da-da-da-da. Trisha did? Yeah, no matter how much I was nice, she was like, uh-uh, da-da-da-da-da. And I was like, okay, cool. Well, I've said my piece and I apologize if we hurt you in any way, but it ended up becoming a huge thing. And I'm just like, everybody just...

yeah it's just a thing for like i i'm not used to that like if we're gonna have a situation let's fucking come to talk to each other like grown-ass women and let's move on from it like i literally can't stand when everybody wants to go to the fucking internet no like there you don't have to fucking post every is your life that boring that you have to just take screenshots that i fucking wrote and fucking post them online of me literally explaining a situation to you i wish she would have posted what it

we wrote, but she didn't, of course. But anyway. Yeah, I was talking about my person. Yeah, you're that person, of course. But yeah, no, I get it. But like, honestly, like, I'm just like, bygones be bygones. People grow, people change, you know, like, I don't have any, whatever. I don't want beef with anybody. I think Trisha,

you know since she had her baby and is married and actually found like real happiness in her safe space I feel like I've seen a lot of growth from her I don't know her she seems really happy yeah so that's great and I think that makes a huge difference with how people treat other people if you aren't happy in your life at that moment and I think her and Jason had like a really fucked

up relationship. I don't know the details and I don't even care to get into it. But I think when you're going through that and you're just fucking hurting, you're just, your normal reaction is hurt people, hurt people. Yeah. And I know she struggles with her mental health. I mean, it was more on Jason because Jason and I have known each other forever.

Yeah. Like, you know, through comedy. And like, I was just kind of like, really, Jason? Like, really? Yeah. Like, I don't deal with this enough. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. Like, it's just exhausting. But then I also, like, it's a growing thing for me where I have to learn that I can't control it. Yeah. I just got to let people do what they're going to do. You know, I can't be mad at everybody that wants to fucking, ugh, whatever. I just don't like when people pretend to be my friend. Yeah. And then they do that stuff. That's hurtful. I'm just like, okay.

Like, I'm fucking done, guys. Like, I don't know, like, what more you want to fucking do. Yeah, you beat the dead horse. It's exhausting. Yeah. Can we move on to Tommy's bonsais? Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, my God. He loves bonsai trees. It saves his life. Yeah. He's just so zen. I mean, he's probably got, like, 200. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. People are like, oh, Tommy's on cocaine. Like, every time I see a post of him, they're like, oh, look at him. Like, he's on drugs or whatever. I'm like, no, this dude is literally sitting there fucking...

like Mr. Miyagi just fucking clipping his little trees. It probably helps his ADD. Mm-hmm.

Do you do it with him? I know I asked you this earlier. Hell no. I am way too impatient. I mean, I do my jewelry. Yeah. Like, I'll go in my room and do my necklaces and he'll be out there doing his bonsais. Or sometimes, like, I'll lay out in tan while he's bonsai-ing. Yeah. And I will sometimes just, like, sit with him and talk to him while he does it. But, you know, he's just, like, a different guy, you know? He's no drama. He's just very peaceful. He just wants to do his trees. He just wants to have a happy life. He doesn't want to deal with anything. He doesn't want to deal with anyone. Yeah.

He just wants to be peaceful, you know? It's just us and our dogs, our little wiener dogs. And we are so in love with them. And we just have our happy little safe vibe, happy vibe. We cook dinner together every night. We sit and have dinner together every night. And, you know, life is good, man. I'm so grateful. I love it.

I love it. I really am. And I'm so grateful for his sobriety and his commitment to his sobriety and his health. That's a different level of intimacy is when you get sober together. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was already not, you know, I was already on the, I was already on that path. Right. Having him also. Mm-hmm.

is amazing. And you know, now he's going to try to quit smoking. Wow. I mean, he's like cigarettes. Yeah. He's been smoking cigarettes his whole life. Wow. And he really doesn't want to anymore, you know, but it's like, I think when acupuncture, my dad got off smoking, um, marble reds by getting acupuncture where they put a wire in your ear. And anytime he would get a craving, he would hit this pressure point and it would take the craving away. Stop.

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Yeah. Like this man is so healthy. He's going to be here forever. Like it's kind of crazy because people are like, oh, his organs must be so fucked up and all this shit. But we went and did those body scans, right? Oh, with Doc Amen. No, no, no. I did the brain scan with Doc Amen. How do you feel like that was? Is it a scam? You know, I really like Dr. Amen. I don't really know the science behind it or what it sees. But it was almost like I sat with him and I kind of told him everything.

That I'd been through. And then he told me what I had. I think it would have been cooler if like I had the brain scan. Didn't tell him anything. And then he told me. Right. You know. A little bit the opposite. I was going to do it. But then I read a bunch of reviews. And you know. I'm not. Yeah. Knocking it at all. But I just. Listen. I don't know. I think he's a nice guy. And I think he does care about helping people. I don't know enough about the technology. But I did think it was cool. Because it did show me my brain. But I wasn't sure exactly. Yeah.

you know he explained like you know these parts lit up meant trauma and that kind of thing but I'd already told him like I had trauma so I was kind of not sure if it was it's kind of like a psychic when you go to a psychic and tell a psychic everything yeah they're like oh who's Mike and you're like I just told you about him dude I gave you his last name too you can't even remember it what the fuck yeah yeah so I mean I don't know but I do think he does really care about people and I do think that you know he tries to help people and so I always like love that um

So I don't know. But then we did do a full body scan. And mine is like a mess. And like I have a cyst in the middle of my brain. I have polycystic. I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome. So I do PCOS too, Haley. Oh, guys, you both do.

Do you take metformin or nothing? Yeah, and you need their metformin. It made me so sick. Yeah, it makes you crazy. It made me so sick. And so I just barely eat. Have you ever had your hormones checked? Oh, yeah. So I have technically don't really show PCOS on my hormones, but then when they did my MRI, they saw it everywhere. Yeah, so they did it. My ovaries both are full of cysts. And, you know, I've thought about getting a hysterectomy, but then that comes with its own...

Menopause. And so I already have such anxiety that I was like, fuck. And then you can get a partial and it's like kind of complicated. But I have a bleeding disorder. So I'm like, God, what if I die on the table? Then it would be not worth it. So I get paranoid. But anyway, so mine was a mess. His literally was perfect. Like I was like, no,

Nothing wrong with the liver Nothing wrong I have cysts in my liver I feel like you son of a bitch I'm like this motherfucker Cysts in my liver Cysts in my breast Cysts in my ovaries I'm so cysty I have early onset spine disease Which is probably from my breast Where is this body scan? I want to go get one done So this is called Prenuvo Okay So it's like $2,500 And you get a full body MRI And they tell you everything that's wrong with you How long do they have to Do you have to stay in there for? Just one hour And you watch Netflix Okay

It's so close. They put Netflix. I know if you're claustrophobic. I am so claustrophobic. But it's open on both ends. Yeah. And there's a tech in there with you and you have a little thing in your hand that if you get uncomfortable, you squeeze it. Because I'm like that too. Yeah. This is it. Prenuvo. And you get a full report. Wow. Of everything. Like literally from your head to your tippy toes. Wow. So they found everything in me. You know, the spine disease. I have...

The cyst in my ovaries, the cyst in my breast, a cyst in the middle of my brain. God, I'm trying to think. I had fluid in my cul-de-sac. Did they give you any options for like healing this stuff? So I went to my doctor, who I love, Dr. Imrani, and he basically told me like,

You know, well, he had me do no gluten, no dairy for like a year and all my cysts went away. I believe that. But I love it too much to like do no gluten and no dairy. Like, bitch, I was eating like... That's what I do. I was...

I'm no sugar, no gluten, no dairy. How do you fucking eat, dude? I eat the same... I, like, eat the same thing every day. That's it. And so we were on tour. And I did it for a year and I had no cysts. And I didn't feel any different, though. That was the thing. I only had no cysts, but I didn't feel any better. Right. And so I...

ended up being like fuck it I'm just eating whatever I want again and all the cysts are back but I don't feel any different cysts or no cysts you know it's kind of weird like I still have really painful periods I still have like really bad endo like you know so it kind of is what it is and you know my doctor's like you don't really need to worry about it it's like benign shit like he had my breast cyst checked they're just cysts you know my liver cysts are just cysts it's just cysts so they're not going to do anything the only one I have to watch is like the one in my brain if it grows it can cause

neurological issues like I need more of those. Ah!

It's like already happening right now. You never know. It could like do the complete fucking opposite. At this point, like what do we have to lose? Let's roll the dice, right? I could just fucking not. I should be like, are you okay? I'm fine. No, but apparently like that's the only thing I really have to look out for. And then the spine disease. So I try to wear, I tried it. My dad's always time. He's going to yell at me. Put your shoulders back. So like my boobs are so heavy. They pull my spine.

spine forward when i had my boobs done that was the same way the implants were so heavy you still have big boobs these are my real ones i had my you're like a d still yeah i had my implants taken out but yeah that's exactly i would hunch over too and i still do that now because i'm so used to having those i had those fucking kazongas for like 13 years so you got a nice rack i'm a fucking 34 triple d they're nice i'm gonna show you when we're done i can't wait they're crazy i can't wait hurt

I mean, and then I thought about, I do. And I've thought about a breast reduction, but my husband's like, don't you dare. You're going to have that crazy scar. And like, they're so pretty. Not if you go to a microsurgeon. Really? They'll be able to do it like super, super thin. Really? I always feel like I had one girlfriend of mine who she, they took the nipple off and then they took, and then they put it back on and it looks crazy. Yeah. Someone chewed on the nipples.

and sewed them back on. Like, someone ate the pepperoni and then fucking put it back on. I'm like, what the fuck? It's like a kid's pizza. Yeah. I'm like, what is that? She had those beautiful nipples and then now they look like they fucking, you know, Frankensteined her back together. I was like, ah! Oh, fuck. We hate that. Shit, dude. Yeah, so I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do. Yours look great. I love you. She had the explant. Yes, I did. That's pretty good for you because that causes its own issues. Yeah, well, my fucking, I had one, I had a lobster claw size

scar tissue because my implant folded so it was a whole thing but it was because I was having such bad anxiety like I did everything I could to clean my body out and just try to fucking heal you know you look great I love you and you like got good energy you're good yeah dude you did a really good job you walked in here and I'm like I can tell and she's like I don't eat sugar I'm like how do you live like I'm over here like chugging my

I'm like, I need it or I'm going to start shaking. Oh, I appreciate you so much. That's crazy. Brittany, I can sit here and talk to you all night long. I feel bad because we did your podcast before this. And I mean, I could just literally sit here and just...

pick your brain all day long but i'm really looking forward to us hanging out and chilling because i adore you we gotta get tommy and jay together yeah they would love each other yeah we have to get them together because i have a feeling that jay's so childlike too yeah they have the same fucking energy they just play video games together literally i'm dead we're just sitting there does tommy play yeah oh my god i we gotta link them on the game then he plays the golf like top golf

Jay does the what does he play Call of Duty yeah so he's always doing it they love that shit oh my god these guys but god bless them we're lucky to have them they're good guys definitely well they got good women too amen yeah they got good pickers yeah thank you for coming on the podcast and come back every anytime you want to check in if you have anything you want to promote or anything like that yeah I mean we have our podcast this is the worst with me and Brittany Schmidt and we talk about all the worst things that have

ever happened to us and anyone else you can write in and tell us your worst stories and I do the jewelry which is just lovely jewelry on Instagram lovely with two E's yeah yeah and then I'm doing stand up I post dates just like randomly I'm not like on tour right now but I've been doing LA so if you're in LA which I'm so proud of you for doing that for getting back into it yeah it's therapy for sure yeah thanks for having me thank you so much thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde I'll see you guys next week bye