Chapters
Shownotes Transcript
When I think of summer smells, I think of sunscreen, salty beach air, barbecue on the grill, and unfortunately, body odor. Well, not this summer. Thanks to Lume, whole body deodorant, BO will no longer be an unwelcome guest at my summer plans. Their pH optimized formula is clinically proven to block odor all year long.
all day and it's not just for underarms it's for everywhere we get odor pits privates feet under boobs you name it so no matter how hot it gets you can still smell fresh and feel confident from head to freaking toe baby ready to make this your freshest summer ever as a special offer new customers get 15% off
all Lume products with our exclusive code and link. Use code bunnyxo at lume deodorant.com. That's l-u-m-e-d-e-o-d-o-r-a-n-t.com. You guys already know I'm a Lume girl. I have to have it, especially when we're on tour, high paced shows, back to back, running around, armpits, sweating,
butthole marinating, just piddle juice pouring from all the holes. You guys already know that Lume is my go-to. Lume's starter pack is perfection for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. Again, as a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all
all Lume products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals 40% off their starter pack. Use code BUNNYXO for 15% off your first purchase at lumedeodorant.com. That's code BUNNYXO at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. I love a great deal as much as the next gal, but...
I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. No hoops, no BS. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with purchase of a three month plan, I called them on it. Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for $15 a month. The longest part of the process was the time I spent on hold waiting to break up with my old provider. Other than
that, going with Mint Mobile was easy purchase, easy activation, and easy use website, baby. To get started, go to mintmobile.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. There, you'll see that right now, all three month plans are only $15 a month, including the unlimited plan. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's
largest 5G network. You can use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and bring your phone number along with all your existing contacts. To get this new customer offer and your new three-month premium wireless plan for just 15 buckaroos a month, go to mintmobile.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. That's mintmobile.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month and
at mentmobile.com slash bunny. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Ment Mobile for details.
what's up guys don't forget to sub to patreon so that you can see the visuals because not only do we have episodes of the podcast we have exclusive content that nobody else sees on any other apps behind the scenes photo shoots and we're dropping a whole bunch of surprising stuff this year so if you guys don't want to miss out and you want to be the first to know go over to our patreon www.dumbblondunrated.com love ya
Is this thing on? Bonnie, who used to be a former sex worker, now hosts the podcast Dumb Blonde. Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? We are back, baby. We are in the Nashville studio. It is...
2020
was it 2020 2020 and we did the um i took over we did bailey takeover oh okay that was that one last time you sat on the couch though when was the last time you were on the couch oh wow that would have been earlier than that i was gonna say because that was when we were in the old house yeah that was house studio your first first season was the last time i was was it the first season holy shit so you were like what seven
No. Eight or nine? Eight or nine. Maybe ten. Maybe. It was right around when Sunshine After the Rain came out. So yeah. It was right around when? Sunshine After the Rain. Yep. So nine. God, I'm old. Jesus Christ. You are getting up there in years, kid. We are. We are. Miss 45. What'd you say? I said, so are you, Miss 45? Hey, baby. And I could still hang with the 20-year-olds. Mm-hmm.
Listen, I can't wait until you're 40 when you're 45 because I'm going to be like, hey, remember when you used to give me shit? Remember how young I used to look at 45? I hope you give me so much shit too. Oh, I will for sure. It's going to be great. Absolutely will. Speaking of, your Sweet 16 is coming up. It is. And I don't know if you guys have ever watched my Sweet 16. My super Sweet 16. On YouTube.
It's an old TV show. So for a lot of, I guess the millennials probably wouldn't know. Yeah. Um, it's a show that was on MTV and it's these kids that get followed and they have, it's their 16th birthday and they throw these extravagant parties and stuff like that. And,
And Bailey, for the longest time, has been like, I don't want a big party for my Sweet 16. And I'm like, well, you only turned 16 once. And I'm like, go watch this show and then get back to me. I've been watching. I've done binge. I think I've seen every season. There's more gas than there are girls, which I found really interesting. Yeah, for sure. It's been really entertaining, to be honest. It's my new show. Why would the boys care? It's my show right now. Yeah. Why would the boys care about Sweet 16? There's this one girl who threw her Sweet 16 in a zoo. And I was like, really? Yeah.
You want to smell like a zoo on your sweet 16? I have concerns. Yeah. Sincere ones. Yeah. That is weird. The fact that there's more dudes, too. It's crazy. Yeah. Most of them were straight. It's even wilder to me. So, I think...
We're going to have you talked into doing a big sweet 16. Listen, I may not seem like it, but I hate like we're the same way. And like that aspect of like, we don't like attention. We don't like the idea of something being centered around us. So it's like the idea of throwing like a come to Bailey sweet 16 has seemed weird to me.
But it's an invitation. But I've been viewing it as like a, just like I'm throwing a party. Yeah. Instead of like, it's my party. It's like, I'm throwing a party. Come. Yeah. Who do you think you want to perform at your sweet 16? We're having, we keep having this debate and I really don't know if I want anyone to perform. Bailey told me that she doesn't want anybody to perform. I don't. What are you going to have? Just a DJ the whole night?
Yes. And you don't want like somebody to just pop out and surprise everybody and everybody go to school and be like, holy shit, Bailey had so-and-so pop a better sweet 16. Just so. We're going to pull the Bailey. We're going to pull the I'm Bailey and I'm Jelly Rolls daughter card. Like that just feels so awkward. And what did I tell you? If there's any time to pull the I'm Jelly Rolls daughter, it's on your sweet 16. You deserve to do that. Dude, you could have anybody. What if you had like.
Who's your favorite rapper? Oh, God. Absolutely not. Cardi B? B. Terrible. It's the Migos. What if Cardi B just popped out? It's the Migos. One of them's dead. I don't think that'd work out very well. Who are they? Who are they? The Migos? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. We already talked about this yesterday. Yeah, the Migos and then who else? I love the Migos. I don't know. I don't listen. A lot like J. Cole. I listen to a lot of older. Yeah. But I thought Cardi and Nicki were like your fans too. I mean, love them. Yeah. But like...
you know, she's like the Migos. It's the ad libs. It is. It's the ad libs. I really, I really do listen to a lot of like J Cole and that more like modern day R and B hip hop styles. No, you listen to old school shit. I do. I really do. You make fun of my playlist. I think it's great. It's crazy. She'll listen to like shit from like 95. I do. I listened. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like new rap. I can't stand mumble rap. Yeah. So it's like,
I can't do the money bag or you'll got it just I can't you're not telling a story yeah a young you'll got it I like music that's telling a story yeah I get that for sure um you would probably like um join our Lucas then because he has I've heard about him I thought he was a country guy though no daddy's doing a song with him actually I don't even know if we're allowed to say that but I don't know
It's one of the best songs. One of the best songs. Actually, I'm sorry. One of the best melodies my husband has ever sang is on this Joyner Lucas song that's coming out. So I love that. Yeah, it's fire. Oh, it's fire. God, if I could play it for you guys. It's insane. Yeah, no, it's like goosebumps and just like, oh, I can't wait for that. Yeah. His voice is just so beautiful.
Yeah, so anyways, I'm really excited about your sweet 16. It's going to be my time to shine. It's going to be my time to shine. Literally way more. We're doing a disco cowgirl. Disco cowgirl, baby. Red carpet. Pink and rhinestones. Red carpet. Can it be pink? Yeah, you can do a pink carpet. Or what if we could find a rhinestone carpet? That would be even better. Rhinestone pink.
Yeah, we'll figure it out. But I mean, if we're really going to do this, I need you to get your list over to me. I've got it, brother man. I keep hearing this, but I don't see them. It's all on paper. But also, we both know I can't just hand you a list. And you're like, well, what is this? You can't read my handwriting. Yeah. I need a, what do we call it? A point. PowerPoint. PowerPoint presentation. I love my PowerPoint presentations. I do. They're pretty thorough. Thanks. Yeah. Got a few. Love. They're great. Absolutely. Period.
So, gosh, I don't even know where to start with you, child. So much has happened since last time we've been on this podcast. Thanks.
And I was very hesitant with having you come on, was I not? No, we've both been hesitant about it, frankly. Yeah, I was very, I just, you know, one, being on such a big platform, you're opening yourself up to people having fucking opinions on shit that they have no idea what they have an opinion on, you know?
And two, you're my little baby. So it's like, I just want to protect you. Yeah, for sure. And I want to protect you. And I also want to do what's right as your parental figure. I never want you to feel like I'm exploiting your story. We've talked about it so many times. And you pretty much were like, mom, I want to tell my story. It's time. Yeah, for sure.
It's time. Yeah. It's been a good almost six years since anybody's really heard anything from me. Yeah. And you deserve to tell your story because I really feel like if a kid your age is watching this, they will be able to be like, damn, Bailey's been through some shit. And if she can do it, I can do it. You know?
All right. So where do we start? Where do we begin? God. Okay. So last time you were here, um, 10, let's go back to 10. Go back five and a half years. Yeah. So like the past five and a half years in your own words, what would you describe? Like how would you even begin to tell listeners what they've missed out on? Just chaos here. I mean, not necessarily negative chaos. I don't think chaos is necessarily a bad thing, but
Both positive and negative chaos has ensued in the last six years. A lot of trying to find yourself and growing up with parents who are in the spotlight. You're in the spotlight. A lot of trauma. It's been great. A lot of trauma, yeah. And when we do talk about the trauma, it's...
I want everybody to know that it's Bailey telling her story. She's not bad mouthing anybody. She's literally telling you what she's been through and what's happened. This is true. So I think there might be a little bad mouthing, but you're allowed to bad. I'll keep it to a minimum. Yeah. I try to always take the high road with it. But I mean, after this last situation, it's very hard for me to take the high road. But I still don't.
bad mouth her i'm just like what the fuck is wrong with her like what is your problem do you have a soul is my question right like where i don't know she's a window you know like where where um so 10 years old was mom still in jail 10 years old to be honest i have no remember like no recollect so fast forward 2020 quarantine i think mom what mom got out
um mom got out in 2019 but um saying mom to her sounds weird felicia got out into really uncomfortable skinwalk alicia skinwalk alicia oh i love it um i got out in 2019 went into rci sober living and then 2020 i guess somehow decided to pop back in and was like hey i'm mom you're my kid let's do this and i was like cool whatever and
She popped up two days before my 12th birthday, May 20th, 2020. Quarantined a cantina, which was horrendous. But...
And I guess we just kind of started like building a relationship from there. Her sister was out. Everything was kind of chill, actually. I think that was the best they've ever been. That was great. No, that was really like they had, that was when they got their apartment after mom got out of RCI. Which for everybody who doesn't know what RCI is, what is it? RCI is, I don't know exactly what it stands for, but it's basically just like a sober living facility from people from in middle Tennessee that
Just a bunch of girls that are sober, out of jail, out of rehab, whatever, living together. And weekly drug tests, figuring it out. Have curfews. Basically, like, being in a dorm but sober is the best way I think I can describe it. Yeah. And she was really...
stepping up to the plate no for sure yeah no she was doing the mom thing it was pretty cool yeah it was awesome pretty rare so i was like this is all and we have always jay and i have always tried to no matter how we personally feel or like how scared we are for the situation we always try to let it just be natural with you and we're always honest with you no matter what's going on always we're always honest like we don't try to hide anything from her so this was a
very organic with you and your mom like you guys it was really like you guys were healing together for a minute it was great no like we really had a thing going on um about 2020 end of 2021 is when she got back with sha chyanna's baby daddy for everybody who we love my fave um
Which you were not for. Which I was not for. For good reason. Which was? Which I ended up being right. Everybody kept telling me. Everybody was like...
You know, we can't hold their past against them. Let's give them a chance. They're both in new places. Whatever. And I tried. Oh, I tried. But I was right. So... You were afraid that they were going to fall back into bad habits. Yeah. And Cheyenne did not. We'll give her credit. Yeah, Cheyenne's been kicking ass, man. She slaps. We're so proud of her. We love Cheyenne. Yeah. We love Cheyenne's girlfriend. And they're my favorite humans on this planet. Literally. But... So, yeah. They got back together and...
I think we were all scared, but definitely me. I was just like, I don't like this. And I made that very clear. I don't like y'all together. This is just my childhood all over again. It was triggering your trauma. Yeah. I was like, I'm not here for this.
But so let's so let's pause right there really quick for people who don't know your story. Oh, gosh. You know, that's what made me think, because a lot of people might not know your entire story. So let's talk about the first one and then we'll we'll catch back up. But let's talk about, you know, from birth to when we got full custody. OK, just a little recap so that some people, you know, who don't know what's going on.
All right. Well, I was born May 22nd, 2008 to Felicia Beckwith and Jason Defford. And he's going to hate me for saying Defford. And they were not together. Dad was in jail. Yeah, I feel like I should know that. Yeah, my dad was in jail.
and Felicia was doing her own thing she was with shy um living with her parents my grandparents so shy has been around since before so she's been around since before I was born um like when my mom was pregnant with me um I guess things were fine for the first couple years three years that I don't like remember because you know y'all you don't I haven't I didn't get my full like cognitive memory until about five um bits and pieces come back of like I remember like when I met my dad and then like
It's weird to say. One of them, my father. And, like, stuff about, like, my susu who was there when she passed when I was four. But very little. Kindergarten year, I guess, is when it started to decline with mom and Chai. You know, addiction and stuff. And then...
I guess around sixth, first grade was when it just like went gone. It was getting really bad to like where your mom wasn't able to like take you to school. You didn't have, you know, like let's just dive in a little bit like to the house, you know, like you. The house was horrendous. Yeah, it was like.
Like nightmares. Like I still to this day. Yeah, it was bad. I remember the first time your daddy took me there that you had to have been like what seven years old about seven. Yeah, your daddy took me there and my first memory of Bailey is her cooking dinner for her little two cousins can her aunt Candace's kids and
And I think you were like... Who I was literally raising. Like, literally raising these two children. So you gotta imagine Bailey's, you know, six, seven years old and she's momming these two younger cousins, you know, two, three years before I even came in the picture. Mm-hmm.
And so you were standing on like a stool making these kids. I forgot. I don't know if it was like butters and noodles and butter or peanut butter. I can't remember. It was something. But it was just like it broke my heart because I looked around and this house was completely trashed.
Bailey had no bed she was sleeping in a chair and usually because when my cousins moved in I started sleeping on the floor because I didn't want my two younger cousins not to have like an actual like space yeah so I gave my cousin Michael the chair and then Lily had the couch and
yeah middle of power the neglect in the house was just horrific it was really bad honestly outrageous yeah like no kids deserve to to go with what through what they went through having two addicts you know as parents so yeah that's how bad their addiction was getting and that's what i'm trying to paint the picture it wasn't like they were just popping a pill here and there like it was like it was yeah god it was terrible um so this is all happening um
bunch of people like my um my great grandparents my great great grandparents great great whatever they start dying and that's when it like progressed like even worse because i guess they were just really close with especially with sha um and then eight yeah right after i turned eight 2016 um
Around that time was when it got to the point where they weren't like being able to pay the bills because they're spending all their money on drugs. So it's like the lots kept going out and the water kept going out and we own the house with there wasn't rent, but all these like things get turning off. I remember my dad, I was seeing my dad every other weekend at this point.
Which we've all discussed. I hated, hated my father for the first like nine years of my life. But why? In therapy, we've learned. We've learned that there were two reasons. Right. One of them was because of my mom. Because she hated my father. And I was like, oh, well, it's my mom. And my mom hates him. So I hate him. And also she bad mouthed him. And also constantly. Yeah. It's a given. And as a kid, you're going to protect your mom. Yeah, it's your mom. Like of course you're going to listen to her. Whatever she says. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
And then the other reason that we've discovered, I hated the women my dad was with. Because...
he does not choose great women no at all i've seen some one time he and then he popped out with a kid and the same time he popped out with a kid he got married and i was like this is the bullshit to be honest what are you doing right now you're having a woman you're having a child with this one yeah and you're married to this one who i thought was 20 i thought you were 21 yeah i love you discussed this i really did i love you i remember i looked at my grandparents when we met i was sitting in the backseat of their van there in front
We met up at the Burger King or whatever. And I was like, she's young. Like she's not old enough to be like my mom. And they were like,
I don't know. Your poor grandparents. They always just tried to stay out of it. They literally always just tried to stay out of it. They were just like, I don't know, man. They were literally terrified. Yeah. I was like, no, like she's a baby. Like that's scary. And then I remember like being, meeting you. It was hilarious. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Remember that next time you try to razz me about my age. You are still old.
Okay, so moving on. When the bills... We were trying to help pay the bills and we would send them money for bills and it would get spent on drugs. Every time. And so finally I got tired of it and was just like...
this is a revolving door. Like they're not going to get better unless we, you know, speak up and say something. So that's when, you know, Jay was like, we went over to the house. Yeah. We saw the house and Jay was just like, we have to get custody of her. Like she can't live like this anymore. And we went to court and go ahead. And then,
I guess there was that in-between stage of like me not being y'all's but me not being mom so there was a weird space I went live with Aunt Jade for a little while and then I guess y'all get married Aunt Jade is Shy's sister and we love Aunt Jade shout out Aunt Jade we love Aunt Jade um but she had just had her kids she just got married and I moved in with her for six-ish months
Little less. Four? Five? Whatever. A couple months until y'all got the condo. Yeah, so when we got... We didn't think we were going to be able to get custody at all. We did not think that it was going to go that way. So we went to court thinking like, okay, if we get custody of her, then we'll get a place to live. Then we'll get a place, yeah. Not realizing that you have, you know...
a call girl and a drug dealer yeah like trying to work right now trying to rent places in nashville was so hard like we got turned down left and right so that's another reason especially with dad's charges and everything that just wasn't yeah so that was one of the reasons why she had to go live with her aunt jade was because um we didn't have a stable place and we didn't want to keep moving her around and we wanted her to be able to go to school and be around you know family as much as possible until we could get a spot so
So, yeah. And I think we were in the middle of tour too. It was also, it was the right in the middle of the addiction skills or it was not. Yeah. We were not having a great old time. Yeah. It was crazy. Um, and then February we moved to Vegas. I was there for a couple months. I've blocked out most of my Vegas memory because, um,
We went to Vegas because daddy had just had enough of Nashville and was like, I just want to change. And I want to get Bailey out of this mess so that she can start healing. And we really thought it was going to be like helpful, you know, because when you're in that situation, you don't know, you know, and it wasn't reflecting. It was not helpful for anybody. I repeat, not helpful. God. As parents were scrambling, like what, like, like let's put her in a different environment.
like yeah and it's like completely holding no grudges it happened but like holy shit that was rough yeah yeah for sure it was a lot it was a lot to take on at such a young age yeah and it was so like that yeah it was just like one day it's like hey over there at jade the next day you're gonna go move with your dad who you can't stand and his new wife who's a literal
teenager in my mind so what are we doing right now yeah what is this yeah for sure gosh um so we ended up moving back home from vegas to nashville and then that's when we got the condo i believe no we got the condo before oh okay so we did it was condo vegas and then we got that house in that neighborhood that little neighborhood mckay's mill mckay's mill okay yeah mckay's mill okay
- Yeah. - Yeah. - And that was when I went to Clovercroft Elementary School. - Clovercroft. - Clovercroft. - Moving on up. - Which I absolutely hated.
Well, we tried to get you out of the hood and into the suburbs. So when I try to fight a bunch of people, fourth grade Bailey was angry. Fourth grade Bailey has been angry. Bailey's been an angry hamper for a couple of years. For a while. Bailey's still a little angry, but it's part of my, I think it's part of my personality. Absolutely. Well, I think it's part of your trauma. I'm always going to bring in a little elf. We're working through it. You're doing really good with it. But yeah.
your mom was a wall at this point yeah we don't know where mama is we have no idea where my mama is yeah shy's back she's chilling yeah but she dipped again because her dad died yeah fair pass kind of yeah um and then came back so all is well in that world but mom's like we don't know where mom is yeah and this went on for a few years right years yeah years completely gone we talked a few times over the phone in vegas
um well because wasn't she still in jail she was in jail yeah anytime she's in jail felicia does great poor yeah literally she'll communicate yeah she'll communicate she's the best mom ever like they've got ipads in jail it's a whole thing going on right now yeah um but wait what'd you say so now they've got ipads in jail yeah they've got a whole fucking thing i can't even believe that i don't even know what's happening yeah my god um but um
So, yeah, mom's AWOL until sixth grade, 12th birthday. She pops back up. I feel like she comes around on the birthdays. Every time. And I'm like, can you please stop? And this is after you had written Sunshine After the Rain. Yes, this is post. And Tears Could Talk. I feel like she pops up whenever...
I'm healing. Yeah. I didn't want to say it like that. Best way to put it, when I'm actually doing half decent, she's like, what can I fuck up in her head now? Yeah, yeah. On today's episode.
of let's traumatize bailey next mood coming soon um let's talk about tears can talk and sunshine after the rain so those songs you wrote yourself i did how old were you they slay since i have three and i was nine tears could talk i was 10 almost 11 um i was i remember i hate them both now so oh they're so good they're like iconic when you brought me that verse i remember when you first brought me that verse to uh i think it's tears could talk i was
I was like, you wrote this? And you were like, yeah. And I was like, holy shit. And right then I knew. I was like, this kid's a fucking songwriter, dude. Like, to be 10 years old and have... And write that is kind of crazy, to be honest. It was wild. And looking back, like, now, like, being almost 16, like, actually really writing now, I look back at that and I'm like, oh, my God, there's so much I could have done better. Yeah. But it's like, I'm also trying to give myself credit because I was 10. So it's like, can't be too harsh on a 10-year-old baby.
You smashed it out the park. It was really good. Sunshine after the rain, too. That was a bad. You're such a baby in those videos. Such a baby. The videos. The voice is hellacious. Like all my like all my I miss her. Bring her back.
her back she was so sweet what happened i know i tell everybody i'm like wait till your kid's 13 oh i know you keep saying it and i'm like thanks mom i love you we're about to make 16 hell just because of that watch oh please no 15 was enough 15 was enough i agree we're good
Okay so we're getting back to where we're now Now we're active Well remember I had you pause Okay so mom is coming back into the life At 12 Her and Shia got back 13 they got back together Mom was sober out of jail Super sober Now we're picking up where we left off We're picking up
november 2021 oh god she remembers oh i remember let me tell you something about this i've got receipts this is baby einstein dude she remembers fucking everything everything for i remember we moved to vegas on february 26th of 2017 i've got weird dates i don't know why so i'm great in history class yeah um but so yeah mom and shai get back together and i'm like this is disgusting okay but sure and i give it a chance everything's fine um
Flash forward to 2022. 2022. It's March. Oh, God. This is horrendous. Good times. So. So seventh, eighth grade Bailey had a really smart. Seventh grade Bailey had a really smart eighth grade Bailey had a really smart idea post post breakup with my first like real girlfriend, I guess.
which was to have a secret Snapchat account and do some absolutely horrendous things on said secret Snapchat account. I wasn't even going to talk about that, but if you want to, you can. Oh, I'm talking about it. Oh, it's hilarious. I was talking about mom and shy, but if you want to talk about it, we can. Oh, but now years later, I think it's funny. Okay. Oh, it's hilarious. So she had a little wild face. She rebelled a little early, morally. Yeah. And that happened, and then...
That was when me and mom's relationship got tedious. So her and Shia started having problems. Yes. And your mom wanted to move out. And when Felicia wants something, she's very...
And she would call me every day and like wanted to be my friend. And the crazy thing is, is with Felicia, I've always, no matter how I've felt about her personally, have always put Bailey first and tried to be as cool with Felicia as possible. Yeah, always. And, um,
you know, she's coming to me and she's talking to me about like shy and her just aren't getting along. And, you know, she wants to be such a good mom to Bailey. And she knows that. And that was, and that was later in July. Oh, okay. After the summer. Okay. I was talking about moving in to, Oh, moving into shots. No moving in. That was in July. Oh, okay. All right, go ahead. So in March she moved in with shy. Okay. Got her and Candace and Candace's kids. Yeah. So they have a very, um, codependent, codependent relationship.
Narcissistic, toxic relationships. So they cannot, like her sister's always with her and we love Candace. She's such a nightmare and really one of my favorite people. We love Candace. She's a beautiful disaster. She really is. We love Candace. I just feel like Candace does better when she's not with your mom. She really does. She does great. Cause my mother, Skinwalk Leisha, has a way. I gotta tell you guys why we say, tell them why we say Skinwalk Leisha. Yeah.
we were talking about her recently bailey goes i was like swear to god she doesn't have a heart she's like a skinwalker and mom just pop goes skinwalk lisha i was like this is great so now we cannot let it go no it's literally like it just stuck it stuck and now it's it i remember we told my dad that and he was like he didn't get it he was like what like skinwalk lisha
How do you not think this is hysterical? And I want you guys to know the reason why we are laughing at this is because once we get to the real serious shit, you're going to understand that if we don't laugh, we're going to cry. We're going to cry. So literally, you might as well just make light. Yeah, this is I don't know how I'm going to say this like appropriately. Really? Once we we're almost there, too. How do we how do I say that? I mean, you just how do we word this? Your testimony. I mean, so long story short, flash forward. It's May.
um oh wait she moved in with she was in with shy okay yeah they're cool for the first like two months yeah um my mom had been like drinking again but not like drinking again which we knew which we knew she'd have a glass of wine or she'd have a margarita at a mexican restaurant but let's be real here you told your mom when she when you knew she was having drinks you guys had like a big argument we did have we had a huge argument about it yeah
And that was in about March. Because you're like, why? Why were you upset? When I think of summer smells, I think of sunscreen, salty beach air, barbecue on the grill, and unfortunately, body odor. Well, not this summer. Thanks to Lume, whole body deodorant, BO will no longer be an unwelcome guest at my summer plans. Their pH optimized formula is clinically proven to block odor automatically.
all day and it's not just for underarms it's for everywhere we get odor pits privates feet under boobs you name it so no matter how hot it gets you can still smell fresh and feel confident from head to freaking toe baby ready to make this your freshest summer ever as a special offer new customers get 15% off
all Lume products with our exclusive code and link. Use code bunnyxo at lumedeodorant.com. That's L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. You guys already know I'm a Lume girl. I have to have it, especially when we're on tour, high paced shows, back to back, running around, armpits, sweating,
butthole marinating, just piddle juice pouring from all the holes. You guys already know that Lume is my go-to. Lume's starter pack is perfection for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. Again, as a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all
all Lume products with our exclusive code and if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack that equals 40% off their starter pack use code bunnyxo for 15% off your first purchase at lumedeodorant.com that's code bunnyxo at l-u-m-e-d-e-o-d-o-r-a-n-t.com
Sun exposure ages your skin and increases risk of skin cancer. You already knew this. What you may not know is UV rays can deplete collagen, leaving your skin paper thin and potentially susceptible to skin cancer. So while doctors recommend sunblock to protect top layers of the skin, it is essential to protect your collagen. And a great way to do this is with a new super collagen booster called Radiance. While
others offer only one type of collagen, Radiance is clinically advanced with five types of collagens. And five different types of collagens is how Radiance can guarantee younger looking skin, fewer lines and wrinkles, as well as stronger hair and nails. Or you get your money back. It's a win-win situation. Bottom line, enjoy your summer. But remember, your sunscreen and super boost your collagen with Radiance. Get 15% off your first order at
brickhousenutrition.com promo code bunny b-u-n-n-i-e that's brickhousenutrition.com promo code bunny b-u-n-n-i-e i was i think i was upset because it was like it was scary i was like this is triggering going to be your pathway yeah like this is gonna lead you back into everything and she was like no no i trusted her which is my mistake always my mother is trusting her um but
We had this huge argument and she finally just convinced me it's okay. And I'm like, cool. Looking back on it, you manipulative bitch. Really? But, it's fine. Let's be nice. These are all things I've said to her, so it's okay. I know, I know, I know. We're being, you want to be nice to Felicia? Is that what I'm about to say? No, I know, but I'm just, we have to, with the name calling, we have to be. Oh, she's fine. I know. Oh. So, it's May. And...
her and shy are starting to get you can tell they're starting to like pull i turned 14 and i go spend this i decided i'm gonna go spend like basically the summer with shy mom because they're living together and i'm like i may as well see how this catch up on lost time yeah catch up on life you know um and my cousins are there and like they're my favorite people and it's like i just it's like this is cool like my whole family's together one place sick um so i go there and i'm spending the summer and things are
starting to get a little rocky towards like the beginning of june but like they aren't bad um
i'm smoking a lot of weed which we did not know which they did not know no my mom knew right her mom which is how this starts yeah her mom actually provided her with the weed a lot yeah also had you doing what else oh oh we're getting there okay oh it's great well i had you drinking had me drinking a lot at this point yeah yeah yeah by june we would have been drinking together because i remember we got really drunk and pride together
That shit infuriates me. It's so hard to hear. I know. New things. It's not easy to say either. No, it just, to me, it's like a mom should, it's okay to be a friend too, but at the same time, it's like, why do you want your kid to go down the same path as you? No, it's crazy. It's wild. To be honest. I always say that Felicia is so jealous of Bailey that she tries to sabotage her greatness. Yeah.
and what your potential is she knows that i can be everything she isn't yes and wasn't so it's like how do i make this not happen yes and we're not talking shit once you guys hear and we're like okay see has happened you're gonna understand where i'm coming from no for sure um so yeah we start drinking together everything's and i'm like okay like this isn't whatever you're just cool mom you let me drink it let me smoke weed like this is cool um and then it gets wild and by july um we were due
Which is wild for me to say at 15. I just frame went straight. Nobody knew except my mother who was manipulated and convinced me to do. And giving her bags. Giving me like for my Christmas present. Yeah. And so wild. Right. So infuriating. I think what broke my heart was listening to you tell the story of the first time that you
Why don't you fill that? Oh, yeah, we're doing that? No? Okay, that's great. It was 4th of July, and we had left my Mimi's for her big 4th of July thing that she does every year. And she was like, my cousins were sleeping in the backseat. She's like, hey, we're going to make a stop. And I'm like, what kind of stop, Felicia? What are we doing? And I was so drunk. I don't know. Jello shots were wild, okay? And we're in the car, and I'm like...
the kind of drunk where I just don't even like I can't even feel what's around me so I'm just like okay whatever let's just stop somewhere she's like yeah we're stopping by my dealer and I was like that's a bomb to drop what she was like yeah and I was like let's stop at the gas station I need a drink like I need like a red bull because like I'm spinning she's like cool so we stop at the gas station we get a red bull and like I think I got like a snack or something and I remember we we get into a fight in the gas station bathroom because I was like we're stopping by your dealer and
I was like do you mean for my weed because that's not a problem but what do you mean your fucking dealer and that's when she told me she's like yeah I have a new but it's recreational blah blah blah blah blah and I'm like what the fuck and I remember freaking out and then she like talked me down and she's like it's okay like you know it's just like a recreational
isn't a bad drug as long as it's used right it was like she's like you know the same way that weed isn't like a bad drug same thing it's just different blah blah blah and i'm 14 this is my mother who i really trust and who i've built a really good relationship with at this point and i'm like okay whatever mom just don't let it get bad again i won't i promise i got you okay cool whatever um
And then we go, we go to her dealer and then we stop at this dollar general empty parking lot. It's like two or three in the morning at this point. Cheyenne's staying with Mimi that night. So it's just going to be me and mom at the house. We're in the dollar general. She's like, or like an ace or like whatever she's doing. And she looks at me, she's like, will you try it? And I'm like, 14 years old. No. What the fuck do you mean? Will I try it? I'm drunk as shit right now.
I didn't even know. I was like, the first time I do something like this, I don't want it to be. In a dollar general parking lot. Parking lot. Also drunk. Yeah. Like, I've just, I've heard horror stories. I have horror stories now about people that have gotten drunk and done and like lost their shit, you know? Yeah. So whatever. And I ended up doing it because she's, like I said, manipulative. And just kind of, she did her, she did the mom thing.
And it's weird to say did the mom thing, but like, it's the best way I can put it. Like in terms of like how persuasive she was, how convincing it was. Right. Um, it's not a mom thing. It's not a mom thing, but it's like, that's the, that's, it's my mom thing. Right. Right. That's a norm for you. So it's like, it's my mom. It's like, whatever. Um, she did the Felicia thing and it worked. Um,
And then over the span of these couple of months that I really don't have a lot of recollection of because I was so fucked up all of the time. Yeah. Whether it was weed or I was drinking or I was vaping or snorting Valiums or Xanax or whatever I was doing, like.
I was just, I was never sober for a good eight month period starting in June. And it was crazy because we knew that like Bailey was being an asshole. Like when she would come home. Cause I was super, like, I was very good at keeping it. Like, well, y'all cannot know. Your mom made you feel like that also though, is what has come out in therapy. Exactly. You know, she made you feel like,
You choose daddy and bunny over me. And you know, this is our little secret. And like, I never wanted her to feel that way because like every time it would get brought up, like we'd get into a fight one day, we'd be high as shit. We get into a fight and I would always tell her like, you know what? I'm going to go tell mom. I'm going to go call bunny right now. And I'll tell her she'd lose her shit on me. And then she'd start crying. And every time I just feel bad. And it's like, I don't want my mom to hate me. Yeah. And it's like, if I say, or to anybody about any of this, if I tried to quit, she's going to hate me. Yeah. I remember we got into an argument in like,
October, November. And it was... That was around the time... November was around the time that I started doing like almost every day. During this time... Let's pause really quick. During this time, Felicia had finagled me enough...
to say hey i want to move out of shy's house can you guys move us to franklin and of course jay and i being like oh my god felicia wants to be a mom hell yeah so we got live in the school district i can stay and ride the bus to her house it was gonna be great yeah so we got this house for them in franklin which is a suburb out here by where we live and it was right up the street from us and you know we paid half the rent there we paid the bills there we made sure that they were
Like this was an ideal situation for us because we're thinking. It should have been great. Right. And we're thinking, oh my God, she wants to be a mom. Like this is so cool. Not knowing that she is fucking traumatized
traumatizing the fuck out of her kid man yeah and like Bailey would come home and like I would could tell some things were a little off but I just always try to give her her space that's one thing with Bailey I do always try to do and I'm not tooting my own horn but I had a stepmom who was up my fucking ass all the time and with Bailey I just am like she'll come to me when she wants yeah and I shut down like yeah I'll even say that like
you wouldn't have been able to know because I wasn't making eye contact with you enough for you to see. Yeah. Or like I was, I was gone. Yeah. Really? Like we had no idea. Presley didn't even know. Like my best friend in the entire universe who knows everything about me.
didn't know her mom closed her off so much from all of her friends like it was like you were living like almost a double life with your mom and then you would come home with us and you would go to church with your church friends which that even started leaking into your church friends yeah that whole situation insane right so november you're doing all the time all the time and remember we got to an argument about it
And I told her, I was like, I got to quit. Like, I've got midterms coming up. Like, this is my freshman year of high school. Like, I've got midterms. I got to get my shit together. And in the meantime, her sister's doing fentanyl in front of you. Literally. I know. And every time, I feel like it's still your first time hearing it. I get it. It's so hard to hear that because it's just, it makes me want to beat people up. I try. You don't deserve that. You know? Like, that is...
mind-boggling and infuriating it infuriates me so much though because what if that shit had fentanyl in it what if she killed her own daughter you know like would she have any remorse like this is where all gloves are off with felicia is that it's like eight years we have given you eight fucking years i have we have had custody of you now for eight years more longer than your mom did you know and it's like
When does the motherly instinct kick in? I don't understand. I don't think it does. I don't think she has one. Yeah. That's the difference between her and I. Absolutely mind boggling. The shit that she's done. To be honest. This last was raw. But I think that the, I think literally, I think at least in my culture, especially in my generation, I've noticed that has been normalized in some, I don't know why in some weird way it has been normalized as this party drug. And the way I did it is not normalized. Yeah.
doing it before English class is not normalized. Doing with your mother is not normalized, but not, not implying that it should at all, but it is so out of the realm of possibilities for so many people to think. Especially a kid who, you know, who is as privileged as you. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm trying to find like a nice way to say it. It's like, if that's not the drug I have to do, if I'm going to do drugs, you know what I mean? That's why it's so important. I mean, it's also important because it was my mom's drug of choice. Yeah. Which,
How the actual fuck can that be somebody's drug of choice? Well, because your mom, you guys listen, I laugh when I get uncomfortable. Same. And I'm laughing at her reactions. I'm not laughing at her mom. I'm laughing at my insensitivity to the situation. Yeah. And I think we laugh during trauma all the time, but.
Your mom was also using heroin. She's a heavy heroin user. Your mom was shooting up heroin, doing speedballs. So, you know, to be that low on heroin, you would need to bring yourself up that, you know, her mom was heavy, heavy, heavy heroin use. Now, I don't know what she's doing, you know, but yeah, but crazy. So the story gets a little bit crazier as we continue on. Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. Mom up and takes off. Yeah, mom dips. So this is... So I got like completely sober in February. Wasn't drinking, wasn't smoking weed, wasn't... No pills. I wasn't even vaping. Nothing. Out of the ballpark. And... By herself because we still don't know anything that's going on. Y'all have no idea what's happening. I literally just was like, I gotta get my shit together. And...
whatever so i did and in march when mom found out that i was done i was getting sober she and that was after i think on on-site too it was higher entire thing and on-site and then after that that's when i was like oh maybe i shouldn't do this anymore well bailey starting to feel sick bailey went through a really bad depressive era yeah and we did an emergency um
What do they call it? Intensive. Intensive workshop. Yes. Workshop at this place called Onsite, which is out here in Nashville. It's amazing. And I really feel like as much as none of us wanted to do it, we needed to do it.
and I also think that it helped Bailey learn you know a few things like because you were so against therapy you were like I fucking hate therapy I'm not doing it blah blah blah and I think that going to that session is what made me want to get sober actually is what really is what really happened because I wasn't sober that entire weekend that we did that and then I was like
okay maybe I could have gotten more out of that yeah it's kind of like I guess how I thought about it because I was like it looked like you and dad got a lot from it and I was like oh I guess that could have been cool if I was like here yeah you know what I mean it just and I hadn't realized how much shit I had missed and it's like I'm 14 years old I have lost all of my relationship with people
maybe i should get it together and i did for a while well it started you know doing that dark era too you went you know you went through a whole bunch of shit with your friends there was a lot of drama going on you had started a little bit angry a little bit of lying about certain things that was later that was post gotcha okay um so that was when um
So I got... Everything was great in March. I got baptized and I got saved and baptized in April, which still stand by even after everything I did. Yeah. But... We're so proud of you for that. Thanks. But... So I got with this girl I was dating in April and everything was just like going great. Come May...
um my then girlfriend tried to kill herself i don't know if i can say kill herself did your mom take off by then mom yeah mom left in march when she found out i was getting sober yeah she got mad at me left mom took off as kind of like a punishment yeah she was mad at me because how dare you not with me anymore i'm gonna leave okay bye thank you have a great day
So she left. Yeah, she left and we don't know. We think she went to Kingsport, but we have no idea. But we have really no idea what she was doing. Stopped calling, stopped communicating. Refused to talk to me until May. Yeah. Didn't talk to me until May.
pops it for my birthday again again i'm like why why do you keep doing this to me brother man i've never realized how much she pops up on your birthday birthday bitch if you try to pop up on this birthday please do i'll kill her we're ready it's a threat you know what i mean for sure at this point it's like don't start none won't be none literally don't even look at me you know um and because she's always had that like i don't know why it's always been her thing to be like i'm your mother i gave birth to you
It's a narcissism in her. I don't care if you gave birth to me. You didn't have to. Yeah. I don't know why we're holding this over my head. The fuck? I didn't ask to be here, babe. Like, what are you doing with us? We're so glad you're here. Glad I'm here. Also glad I'm here, too, finally. It took me years to be happy to be here, but I'm happy to be here. So Bailey's girlfriend tried to off herself. Yeah, tried to... And then...
So that just like sent me spiraling. Cause I was like, well, there's this and then there's mom. And now I'm like, I don't know what to do with anything really ever. Um, you're holding this all in. You're not talking. Nobody knows about any of this. Literally. I've like the most silent I've ever been. Um, and then that was when it got like dark. Um,
and I was still like smoking a lot and doing whatever, but wasn't doing it anymore because my mom wasn't around. So it's like, I didn't, why would I have access to it? Didn't have access. Didn't have need. Didn't whatever. Um, mom comes back for my birthday and then that sends me even like worse into like this pit I was in. And that created some interesting behaviors and actions of mine that are absolutely horrendous of me, to be honest. Um,
I did some things. I said some things. And had a really terrible, terrible summer. Yeah. And, like, it got dark. I think we know that. But had the best group of friends I'd ever had. Had great false relationships with people. And in September, when all of this happened,
Came out. Came to light. Yeah. She's talking about just some lies that she told. Yeah. We don't have to go in depth about it. We don't got to get into detail about. A bunch of lies that she had told that, you know, were super harmful. Super dark. Super wild. Yeah. All came to light that she was not telling the truth. Yeah. And the reason for these like extreme lengths was because I, can I say suicidal or not? I don't, I don't know what.
What's a cancel culture like right now? No, you're good. I was very suicidal. And I needed like an out. Because I've always been like a very like guilty person about that. Been suicidal for years. Like we... A lot of this came to like... Came to light in therapy recently. Has been like... Apparently, threatened to kill myself since like eight. So, you know. Bailey told me when she was like...
seven or eight years old she's like I'm gonna go kill myself I said okay well how are you gonna do it because that's always what I always need to know how serious she is and she's like I'm gonna walk out into the snow and freeze to death and I was like okay kid let me know how that goes yeah literally real conversation literal conversation we had um but it had it had gotten bad and
So I needed like an out, a way to like make people in my life hate me. So it's like I had an excuse to like make, I don't want people to feel bad about me killing myself. So it's like if y'all hate me, that it's chill, right? Y'all hate me, y'all really don't want me here. I'll just peace out myself. Get out of y'all's hair. And all of this happens in September. Everything comes to light and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is my way out. Like finally, it took y'all long enough for this to come out. Like seriously, it's been a long couple of months lying, you know?
um and then tried to kill myself which is great and then went to utah well let's sit in that for a moment so we you and i had actually gotten into we had it out loki yeah we i think it was our first argument we ever had true like
are only intense. Yeah. Cause I, we don't yell at each other and we don't, we don't like, neither of us like to yell. Yeah. At all. We've had like our like moments where we're both like, okay, get the fuck away from me. We'll deal with this later. Yeah, for sure. Like we've never had it out. And that night. Yeah. We had it out. Well, I had gotten phone calls from parents and had learned a bunch of stuff that was going on and,
It was my kind of like, what the fuck is going on, Bailey moment. Wake up call moment. Yeah. For both of us. Yeah. And it was just like, I was so... It's so hard to talk about without getting emotional. But I was so...
scared for her and i was so mad that she could even go to these links that i was just like what are you doing you know like what the fuck is wrong with you not knowing everything else that's happening until later and i remember i remember i i've honestly cut out a lot of that argument in my mind just because it's like i don't want to remember us that way yeah because that was rough but um i do remember
something got said and i just said oh well you'll never hate me as much as i hate myself and i don't think either of us realized how deep that went until later yeah and it was like oh well that makes sense now yeah like okay yeah yeah sure but so that night i sent bailey to her room and she took a bunch of pills
that i did not know she had that she did not know i had i don't think i knew i had them either to be honest i think i just found them in her drawer and um the next day she came down and she's like mom i gotta tell you something and i was like what's up and she's like i tried to kill myself and i was like huh yeah i was like you're like are you fucking what i said say that again she said i tried to kill myself and i said well how did you do it
And she told me that she took the pills, and I just looked at her, and I said, Bailey, we have to treat this as a cry for help. And I think in that moment, it just crushed. And it's not about me. It's about Bailey's feelings. But it just crushed me because I was just like,
She was just upstairs. Like what if she had really gone through with it? You know, like what if it had worked? That's what I'm saying. What if like it had really gone through and like she had gone through and it had worked like a bottle of like, what if I took that bottle of pills and didn't throw up? Yeah. So your daddy and I had to make the decision of like, this is a nine one one help call and we need to do something. And it was the hardest decision. I think Jay and I have ever had to make together as a couple because
And I knew that my parents had put me in a mental hospital when I was a teenager, when I was 14. And I know what happened to me in that mental hospital. And I just know that...
Bailey's issues run deeper than a medication and being in a fucking straight jacket or whatever they do, you know, nowadays. And I'm not making light of straight. I'm not making, no, there are people who are in straight jackets and then I saw it with my own eyes, but that's fucking traumatizing. And I was just like, we can't traumatize me. You know, we were like, do we put her in a mental hospital? Um,
and then hold her for 10 days and do, you know, we put her on medication, which, you know, we're so against.
And I'm like, no, this is trauma. This is hurt. This is pain. Like she needs somewhere to go that she know nothing can get to her. Nothing can bother her. And we didn't even, and it's crazy that you even knew that it was that deep rooted. Cause you didn't know what it was deep rooted in. You just knew it was like, well, there's some childhood shit, but I mean, obviously there has to be more. Well, no, I mean, I,
I've seen all the pain that you've gone through. And I knew that it was, this is not something that you throw a pill at. This is something that this is, you need to rip the bandaid open and you've got to really start healing. So daddy and I worked with onsite who are just the most amazing people in the world like that. If you guys ever have any,
Any sort of trauma you need to deal with, any sort of, you know, you need to go to therapy, like month long course. They do all that stuff. These people are great. Fucking amazing. Incredible people. Like they really care about your program. They do. I discovered in this journey with you that the children's mental health crisis, there is such a void.
And nobody wants to help you. Depressing. Nobody wants to help these babies. To be honest, the statistics are depressing. Oh, and I want to... Dude, I definitely want to start getting more involved with children's mental health and stuff like that after going through this. But I learned that there's really not a lot of options for kids. It's either you put them in a mental hospital or you fucking...
deal with it at home and it's like that doesn't help and neither really seem like healthy options they're not healthy for anybody at all for sure because that's teaching you how to just kind of like suck it up and get over it yeah how do we move on yeah you need tools we need to move through not on so tell us where you went kid I went
And before y'all get scared. Yeah. It's not like the ones on TikTok. Yeah. Or the one that Paris Hilton went to or anything like that. But I went to wilderness therapy. Yeah. And listen, y'all.
thrived in wilderness therapy this kid I fucking love the mountains you guys this kid thrived I'm talking like I it was probably the happiest I had ever seen you when we went we were allowed to go visit you after how long um it was eight weeks eight weeks so you went for how long to this I went for almost nine because I left the week after y'all came yeah I was like get me out of here yeah I got you
So we ended up finding this wilderness camp that is fucking amazing and they treat trauma and you know, it's more like hands-on and you're out in the fucking wilderness and you're like, you're with other kids and you're like healing together and you guys are just learning. Nothing can, it's not like a fucking military base or anything like that. It's not like you guys like it. Like I look back, like I think back on like some of the memories, like sometimes those really pop up and I'm like, that was a fever dream. Yeah. Like that's insane. Like I did so much like,
real work and came out the other end so much happier, like, on, like, a spiritual and emotional intellectual level. Yeah. But, like, I also had a ball. Like, I learned how to, like, make fires out of, like, trees and, like,
Like I could crack apples open with my bare hands. Dude, we went to go see her. I ate so much dirt. So messy. And like, you know me, I'm an OCD freak. I'm like, kid, they don't have you showering out here. And you're like, mom, I'm in the wilderness. And I'm like, where do you see a shower? She sat down and she fucking like cracks an apple. And I'm just like, oh, okay.
I was like, it was like, it was like true Beverly Hills. I don't know if you guys have ever seen that movie, but the fucking mom is like this bougie ass bitch. And she's out in the middle of the wilderness. Like, uh, that was me. No, I remember she was like, I have to pee, but like, I don't want to pee.
Yeah, we had to go pee in a bush. Like it was wild. That was my laugh. And you know, it was great. But it was in that first. So we, I didn't find out about the stuff with Felicia until her therapist tells me about four weeks in. Because I told my therapist, I was like, so this happened. Yeah.
yeah and you know Bailey I will give it to this kid man she went there like we were completely honest we didn't just wake her up one day and say hey you're going yeah it wasn't gooned or anything yeah no we said hey look this is what we're doing we're trying to find something you know so Bailey was like when do I leave I was like get the fuck out of here yeah she was like I am ready to fucking go heal I'm ready to fucking just this is my journey that yeah I was also like I felt like I was just like it's that weird thing where it's like
I was sitting alone with the person who tried to kill me. And that's like a really like dark paradox to be stuck in until you can finally like get out of it. So it's like, it was just, it was just me. Yeah. And I was like, what the fuck? Like, I don't,
know what I'm sitting in the room that I tried to kill myself in with just the person who tried to kill me. Yeah. Like I have to like I was just ready. I was like because I came to a point where it was like I had three options in life in general and I've always given myself three options and I was finally hit the fork in the road. It was either I can kill myself opt out. I can continue being the shitty human I am and
And doing all the things I'm doing and doing drugs and lying and hurting people and hurting myself and end up dead or in jail. Or I can get it together and heal and really do the work and be the person I've always dreamt I could be. And option A didn't work. I tried. And I was like, there's no point trying again. I'm a logical human. Whatever. It doesn't make sense. And B was like, that doesn't make sense if that's only going to lead me to A. So...
Got to heal. Got to get it together. And if we're going to do it, we got to do it now. We got to do it right because I'm ready. And you did it. You went there. I really did. You did the fucking work, kid. I did the thing. We're so proud of you, man. Thanks. So, yeah, her therapist fucking told me about this and I literally just lost it. I started crying on the phone. I was so mad. There were so many fucking emotions. And, you know, of course, the first thing I want to do is find Felicia and fucking rip her up by her fucking hands.
ear and shaker and be like what the fuck is wrong with you but then it's like another part of me wanted to run to Bailey like why didn't you tell us you know like why why did you hold this in because you never have to like Jay and I have really tried to create a space at home of like we don't care what you did just tell us before anybody else can or like you know talk to us and I think as parents we were like damn this was going on right under our nose and we didn't even fucking know it you know and
And so when we got to go out there and visit you, you had that sparkle back in your eye and you were just, even though you were in the middle of nowhere and didn't want to be there, you still did the work and you fucking, you know, you sat, we sat down, we had some sessions and you read everything and told us everything that had happened. And there were tears and, you know, anger and love and just, and you know, overall it was,
The best thing I think that could have happened in that situation. Yeah. I think that we definitely did the best thing for me and for us and for all of our futures. Honestly, for sure. Being an adult has its high points. Like you can eat ice cream for dinner anytime, or if you want to stay up all night, you can, but it's not always fun. You also have to do your taxes and figure out what's for dinner every freaking night. I mean,
I hate it. And make doctor's appointments. And for that one, there is ZocDoc, the healthcare app that makes adulting that much easier. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors. Choose the right one for your needs and click to enter.
instantly book an appointment. That's amazing. We're talking about in-network appointments with more than a hundred thousand healthcare providers across every specialty at your fingertips. From mental health to dental health, eye care to skincare, and much more. Plus ZocDoc appointments happen fast. Typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking, you can even score same day up
appointments you guys know I absolutely hate going to the doctor so if I can get a tele doctor I'm all for it I use them you should too you guys know I have anxiety so I absolutely love the comfort of being able to be in my own home and do it from an app it's absolutely seamless
So stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash bunny, B-U-N-N-I-E, to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash bunny. ZocDoc.com slash bunny. This podcast is brought to you by eHarmony. The
the dating app to find someone you can be yourself with. Why doesn't eHarmony allow copy and paste in first messages? Because you are unique, and your conversations should reflect that. eHarmony wants you to find someone who will get you. How are you going to know who gets you if people send you the same generic conversation starters they message everyone else? Conversations that actually help you get to know each other. Imagine that. Get who gets you on eHarmony.
Sign up today. If a kid's listening to this right now and they're going through something like that, like with a mom that's coming in and out of their life and hurting them all the time or battling drugs and stuff like that, what would you tell them? What have you learned? I've learned so much. It's hard to like
put in a list but like i think if there was anything i would tell somebody listening to this now that's battling problems with parents or addiction or mental health problems or suicidal ideation like whatever it is under the radar all the things we've all dealt with um i would tell that kid not to cop out no not worth it whether it works or it doesn't it's not worth it mine didn't work
And sitting here now, what, four months later? Yeah, four months later. I'm so happy it didn't work. And I remember waking up the day after my suicide attempt, looking back at everything and looking back at all these years of everything, all the pain I'd been through. I was so angry at God, at myself, at the world, that why couldn't this have worked? Why couldn't I have gotten out? I just want to get out. And I would have...
I would have never forgiven myself for not being able to forgive myself. Because at the end of the day, I was a child. And I was thrown into so many situations I should not have been in. And at the end of the day, I'm a human who put myself in situations I shouldn't have put myself in. And I didn't need to put myself in. And I did things I shouldn't have done. And things happened to me that shouldn't have happened to me. But I can't hold a grudge against the world. And I can't hold a grudge against myself. Because...
At the end of the day, doing that is going to make you spend your entire life in a box. And you really have three choices. You die, you fuck up and you die, or you heal and you grow. And what I didn't know then when I made that choice to heal and grow was that, or when I made the choice to try to die, was that that third option, that third row leads to so many other paths. Now I get to choose what I want to do for the rest of my life.
I can do this or I can write songs or I can be a doctor. I can work in the FBI or I can be a public speaker. I can heal. I can continue to learn more about myself. I can learn about others. I can teach. I can care now. And it's only the only reason I can care about other people is because I learned how to care about me. So at the end of the day, take the hard route.
don't cop out don't cop out don't cop out yeah i love that i think that's amazing and you know you're still in therapy we all it's it keeps going yeah the thing about that road is it doesn't end yeah the two the other two they end they end quickly yeah frankly but like that third row it keeps going and that third road keeps going that's why they're so it that's why it just opens to a whole world that if you cop out you'll never know exists yeah
I think it's worth it to just know it's there to do whatever you want with it. And it's not easy too. When you came back, you had to, you had like an adjustment period. Oh, I did get back to sleep outside. Yeah.
rough to be honest guys she had an adjustment period where you know it's not like everything's fucking you know perfect it's not yeah at all but you're choosing to live yeah and it's every like every day like i'm still your life like i still wake up and i still have days where i'm like i don't want to wake up today to be honest but it's still like
that's being human that's being human yeah it's being a person i'm like that every day yeah it's part of it i'm like i don't want to fucking be here today to be honest i'm like i don't want to get out of bed can i just like take a nap for the day we'll deal with it tomorrow i would love that if your daddy wasn't at home all the time i would probably lay in bed yeah literally at least for like a week i'd be like just lay there and then i'd bed rot and then i'd get up and fucking make myself do something literally but um but yeah like we like i still have those days and i think that's just on a human level and on a mental health level of like
days that I don't want to be here and every day I still like I make that choice to be like okay well friendly neighborhood reminder not being here didn't work for you very well so what you gotta do when you're like damn it you're right okay
So where it stands with your mom is we don't... Well, we know where she is. We know where she is. Because she got in trouble again. But her lies caught up to her. Mm-hmm. But there's no communication still. No. And there won't be. Which we'll talk about that. And you know I tell you this... We always have this conversation. And I'm very...
Very strict on my stance in it. I'm a very emotional person, but I lead with logic. And that's something I learned about myself. Capricorn moon.
because her gemini son is crazy crazy um something i learned about myself through this whole like process has been i'm a very black and white person yeah like i like i don't believe in the middle mind or the integration of emotion and logic it doesn't comprehend in my brain so i'm such a math person um but like i've learned from my mother that there is no healing for her um she is
frankly, I believe my mother is soulless. And I don't say that about many people. But I don't think there is healing for her because I don't think she ever wants it. Maybe she will one day. And you know what? If she does, good for her. I hope she does it. And I hope she has a great life. And I hope she figures it out. And I hope she does it for her. But I'm not an option in her life anymore and she's not one of mine. And I'm very...
cut and dry on that now with any with everybody and i respect your boundaries i just always tell you that you know if your mom does get her shit together and can actually fucking be a mom and not be a fucking weirdo just because i've forgiven myself doesn't mean i'll forgive her and i do think that one day i will because i think that's not the right thing to do for her but the right thing to do for me i don't deserve to hold that for the rest of my life yeah i don't deserve to hold the
And I'll forgive her, but it's one of those things that you don't forget. Yeah. And I can forgive her without trusting her. I think that's something that people forget a lot is like you can forgive somebody without forgetting, without moving on, without rebuilding. Forgiveness doesn't mean to, oh, well, I forgive you for that. Let's restart. Yeah. Forgiving just means I forgive you for that. I forgive you for me. I forgive you for me. Literally. Yeah.
I'm not forgiving her for her for shit. What do we do now? Where do we go from here? Where do we go? Honestly, I'm still figuring that out. We got spring break coming up. We got spring break coming up, which I'm super excited about. We're still trying to decide where to do it. We literally don't even know where we're going yet, but whatever. We got spring break and I've got the ACT.
um my sweet 16 sweet 16 coming up which we'll probably video the sweet 16 for patreon or something oh my god if we don't film it like my super sweet 16 i'm not doing it okay then we will we'll do it for sure that will get me to do it we have to do it like my super sweet 16 bro
I don't know. I'm writing a lot back in the music thing, I guess. So hopefully I'll see some of that soon. Yeah. I don't know. I've got a cool thing going on over here, actually. I know. I'm proud of you. You're a fucking thriving kid and you're doing good. And you did just lose your grandmother literally last week. Yeah, that's really depressing. We're not going to talk about that. I know. We won't. We won't talk about it. But I mean, you're literally...
Like just buried her a couple of days ago. Literally just went to the funeral two days ago. Um, yeah. God, it really has been that Jesus. I'm just ignoring it. Yeah. I'm still in denial. Still in that part of grieving. Yeah. Um, but you're thriving kid and you're fucking, I think that you are at the example that kids need, you know, teenagers need right now because, um,
it's fucked up out there i would not want to be a teenager right now in this time and age you don't really but at the same time it is so fun yeah no to be honest we're having a blast it's like we're having a literal like like the mental health crisis with teenagers right now is disgusting and it makes me want to do everything in my power i can and i'm trying i'm gonna keep trying and like this is my first step towards continuing to help this movement of teenage mental health yeah but
It's also a great time to be a teenager right now because none of us care about politics. Yeah. None of us care about religion and we're all just kind of doing our own thing. Everybody's just trying to figure it out. These are going to be some of the best times of your life, but I can't wait till you go to college. Oh, I know. You're so excited. Yeah.
We're running a frat together. I keep telling Bailey, we're going to go join a frat together. I told you, I said, we can do it just together. You can't do it by yourself. I'm going to be Van Wilder. I'll be like the fucking old lady who never graduated college, but throwing the dopest fucking parties that everybody talks about. No, it's going to be great. We're going to live in the dorm together. That's where I'll go find my little cabana boys. It'll be good. Cabana boys. That's rough. You know, I don't think there's cabana boys in Texas. Oh,
Oh, yeah. We're going back to Texas. Are we going to Texas? We're going to Texas. I thought we were going to Florida. I haven't decided. I'm deciding between you up in Texas A&M. Okay. All right. Respect. I do love Texas A&M. A&M will be fire. I love it.
Well, thank you for coming on the podcast, kid. It's been nice catching up with you after all these fucking years. After all these years. Gosh. I'm sure there were some questions, comments, concerns. Oh, for sure. But I feel like we've answered most of them. Yeah. If there are questions, you guys just put them in this podcast below in the comments. And then when we do a Q&A, maybe I'll bring Bailey on. Maybe we'll do a Q&A or something. Yeah. It'll be good. I love you. I love you. And I'm so proud of you. And your daddy's so proud of you. And Mimi's so proud of you. I am.
We are all just so proud of you, kid. Proud of us. We're doing it together. I mean, we really couldn't do without each other. We all go crazy. Teamwork makes the dream work. And we, we put the fun in dysfunction. We do. Yeah. And I think what's cool about our family is we don't try to hide the shit we've been through, man. At all. You know, like we didn't do this. We didn't talk about it when it was happening in real time because we
We were, you know, I don't think we really knew what was happening. Well, it's not even that, but it's like our family needed that moment. Exactly. You know, to like be like, what's going on and get our head around it. Now we're out, you know, we're out of it. So we're just like, man, God, glad we made it through that. The grass is greener, you know? Yeah, for sure. We found out the hard way, but the grass is greener. For sure. Well, I love you, kiddo. I love you. I love you so much.
All right. Let's go do this fucking Grammy fitting. Grammy fitting. Food. Oh, my God. I need to. We are manifesting that daddy is going to win his first Grammy. He is going to win the Grammy. Daddy is going to win his first Grammy. And we're going to look great. And we're going to cry. Oh, my God. We're going to cry so much. We're going to cry so hard. So bad. Oh, my God. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. Well, Haley's doing her makeup, so it won't move. So we'll be good. Legendary. That'll be awesome. All right. You want to tell everybody bye? Bye, y'all. Love you. Love you.
