Auntie Amanda: Unfiltered
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All right, gentlemen, coming to main stage next, this is Bunny. Get up there. She's got a tornado of titties coming your way. Get those dollar bills ready. She's got an ass that shakes like Michael J. Fox. So get up there and throw, throw, throw them dollars. Dude, that is fucking iconic. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of Dumb Blonde. Today, we have America's favorite auntie. Oh, my God. I can't believe I made it here. Dude, you almost didn't make it here, though, right? No. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

I'm lucky I have my fingernails left. I was like digging. What happened? I almost broke my friend's hand on the way here. Tell everybody what happened. Oh, all right. So we hit turbulence on the first of all, on the way. I don't do roller coasters and the entire time felt like I was on a roller coaster from hell. Right. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. So we're going up. We hit turbulence. I legit have a meltdown. Grab my friend's hand. Scream. I screamed at the top of my lungs. That reminds me of that scene from what is it? Bridesmaids where she's like freaking out. Did you ever see that? She had to take the boy. How am I here at a party? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. And I needed to be so bad in that moment.

Dude, I embarrassed the shit out of my... Well, I embarrassed the shit out of you, but not me. Okay.

I feel like we have no shame. People with those with anxiety, we just we don't give a fuck. In that moment, it's about us and we don't care because we just we want to regulate. I'll do whatever it takes just to feel normal. Right. Please help me. Exactly. So I turn to my left. Well, actually, no, I took my seatbelt off, jumped over my friend to the to the aisle. And I look over to these three girls who are casually just eating potato chips and they're looking at me and I'm like, how are you eating this?

nobody cares that we're almost like no we almost died just now and I'm sitting here I'm shaking and the flight attendant go walked over he's like oh my God are you okay oh rude no he's no no no like it was lovingly okay it was very sweet gotcha and he starts laughing hysterical he goes babe you're good you're fine and then every so often he he would walk past and go

But he made you feel better in that moment. That's good. No, it was cool. My hands were sweaty. I had pools of sweat in my sandals. It was not good. It was not good. But we got through it and I'm here. Hello. Hi. How are you? Dude, I...

somebody who deals with anxiety, I 100% completely understand panic attacks. I can't, I literally carry, my purse looks like a fucking first aid kit. Like I have fucking EpiPens in there. I don't even have allergies like that. Like I have bottles of fucking Benadryl. I got Xanax in case I really need it. Fucking like, it's just, it's literally, I get it. So I understand, but I'm happy you're here. I'm happy to be here. It's so wild. I know it's crazy. Right. Let me tell you something. Yeah.

You're even more beautiful in person. I love you. You're beautiful. I was just telling you that. She walked in and I was like, holy shitballs. We might need to make some OF content. Hey! Get motherfuckers really talking. There you go.

They'd love that. That would be the ultimate collab. You are beautiful, mama. And I'm so happy that you're here because I've been wanting to hear your story for a really long time. I think the first time that I ever knew who you were, you actually shared one of JNI's

posts where I was like dancing on him and we were getting so much hate it was crazy but you were just so sweet and I remembered that and I was like that was so nice of her like she didn't even have to do that no but I didn't know you were getting hate on that post yeah oh yeah you just said it yeah see I didn't know I didn't know that that's not why you shared it I thought you shared it because of that no I don't but that's the thing like I live in my own bubble yeah so when people are

I don't notice the bad things right away in people. Right. So that's maybe it's my rose colored glasses. Yeah. That's just how I always viewed the world, you know? Yeah. I wasn't taught to look.

For the negative and things. Yeah. You know what it is? I spent most of my life like in a really dark place. Yeah. I would love to talk about that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to. In a really dark place. And I come from a lot of toxicity. You know, I was raised around a lot of toxicity. Where were you? Where are you from? Oh, I'm from Staten Island. Born and raised. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So originally my my mother is from Puerto Rico. OK. Yeah.

So is my father, but he's not present in my life. She moved here, I think when she was 12 or 13. She's one of four. And they moved to the Bronx, Southside Bronx. She graduated from Southside Bronx High School. And they came to Staten Island and they moved to...

West. No, I'm sorry. New Brighton, where my grandmother lives, lived and stuff. So I didn't really come from much. Right. Humble beginnings. Yeah, absolutely. My mom, you know, we were on welfare. My mom didn't graduate.

She's not a high school graduate. Neither one of my parents were high school graduate. Did she have babies young? Oh, yeah. My mom was a teen mom. Yeah. So she had my brother at 16, me at 18. And she definitely she struggled, man. I watched that lady. Was dad not present from the beginning or was he around and just kind of half in half out? He wasn't a constant person.

Yeah.

After she broke up with my biological father, I was like maybe eight months old. She moved back home with my grandmother and she struggled. She tried to, she found herself. But one thing about my mother, she always made ends meet. Always made ends meet for me and my brother. We stan a strong queen. Yeah, absolutely. And it's like hard for me to talk about her. Aw, you just love her. It's okay. Oh, God.

You got to feel things. They say, I learned in therapy that they say that when you still cry about things, it's because they still hurt you. You know, and they said when you're finally through something, whenever it doesn't bring tears to your eyes. Yeah. I'm, I'm working through it. I'm definitely working through it. I'm a new mom. Frightening.

but you're crushing it yeah no and my son's amazing we'll get to that yeah he's incredible we'll get to that trying to get through this no you're good take a deep breath take your you're not we're not in a rush i want you to feel what you need to feel yeah you know this is what i was nervous about talking about this the trulies are on the way yeah so she did what she had to do to make ends meet um

She met my stepfather when I was like one. Do we have any? Can we give her a paper towel memes? I'm so sorry. It's all right. Like one and a half. I need to start keeping tissues over there. Yeah. The amount of people who cry on this couch. Yeah. So. And. Thank you memes. So that to me, my stepfather is my dad, you know? Yeah. Typical Italian Guido. No. City job. Yeah.

Talks like this, you know, very Brooklyn accent. I feel like I'm going to start talking like this by the end of the fucking interview. I'm going to be like, where's my coffee, Mimi? People always pick fun at the accent. No, I love it. My father's from New York. He's from Queens. Yeah. OK, so you get it. Yeah. Yeah.

So where was I now with this? You were talking about your stepfather and you lit up like a Christmas tree talking about your stepdad, which makes me happy. So that means that he must have been a really positive influence in your life. And it was confusing growing up because the thing is that their relationship was so toxic, but they loved each other so much.

Probably twin flames. Absolutely fire. Fire. When things were amazing, things were amazing. And when they were bad, they were horrendous. So I grew up around a lot of domestic violence. A lot of instability. Absolutely. You're okay. Just feel it. You're good. I never talked about this out loud. It's good though. You need to.

I didn't realize how much shit I was carrying. This is what I told Trashly when she came on the podcast was, I never dealt with depression until I hit 40 years old. Love Trashly. Isn't she amazing? She's so sweet. I never dealt with depression until I hit 40 years old. And it's because I didn't talk about things out loud because I was tough. You're not going to make me cry. You're not going to get this wall to come down. And your secrets keep you sick.

Oh, you know, and it comes out in other ways. Like I'm very, I'm a very violent individual. People would never know that about me, Mimi's face. She's like, yes, but people would never know that about me, but that's because I was raised in such chaos like you and so much anger. It just comes out in other ways, you know? So it's really good to get it out and it's really good to talk about it. So coming from that, that's what I was saying. When I would go to school, like I'm

Wasn't allowed to talk about any of that stuff. I feel like that was our parents' generation. You don't talk about it. They didn't talk about mental health. They didn't talk about fucking problems. Everything got swept under the rug. Anytime I would tell my mom how I was feeling, she would tell me. No, you don't feel like that. You don't feel like that. Mental illness doesn't run in our family.

Amanda, that's because you're bored. Go clean your room. Like, you know, like that kind of stuff. And that hurts as a child because you're not being heard. Yeah. Yeah. But I think feelings aren't validated. Now looking back, I think my mom, it's funny because like those core memories of her, she's my age now, you know? So I try to mirror it and I look back and I'm like, she was just speaking that all her behaviors toward me, but it was fear. Yeah.

She just didn't know how to express it, I guess. Do you think maybe she was trying to protect you? Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. She didn't want me to be... I know that she meant well looking back. And I'm starting to see that now for a long time. I resented her. Yeah. And I do. I love her to death. But she's just... I feel like I can never fix our bond again. There's just too much...

That was done, like, after my parents... My parents separated when I was 19. Mom and the stepdad. Yeah. Okay. And that rocked my world. That was the only home that you knew. And even though it wasn't, like, healthy to be in, it was still mine. Like, I still had my own room, like...

And everybody saw us looking out because I remember my parents separated. So many people were shocked. Nobody knew what was going on behind closed doors. And I was so confused because I love my stepdad so much. And he never put his hands on me, never raised his voice. Like he would just talk to me. He would talk to me like in...

My mom was so quick with the hands all the time, you know. So I. You felt like he validated your feelings. Yeah. Or helped me understand. Right. And I I want to instill those core values of getting my point across to my son. You know, like that's what I think of. Like he would say to me, don't make the same mistakes I make. I make. He's like, I know I'm not.

the best man and I have a bad temper and I don't mean the things that I do. And, um, it's just crazy. It's crazy that I had to like hide that. Like I, so many times I would walk into school, like in the night before my parents were up, like arguing till six o'clock in the morning, you know, or my, him throwing my mom out and my mom having to sleep in the car. Like,

just crazy but they come from two toxic childhoods so they couldn't break the cycle i guess and i promised myself watching my mom go through that because when my parents separated she was on her ass we had nowhere to go we moved in with a friend that she worked with and from there my mother just changed you know we were we were friends for that little time like from like eight when i was like 18 19 to like maybe 22-ish

She was my friend, you know? That scary person that I used to fear all the time, that she would give me a look and send chills down my spine. I thought, maybe this is like, okay, they're not together anymore, but maybe I can have the mom I always wanted. Maybe I can get her to appreciate me, see me, you know? I know that feeling. I just got goosebumps because I'm going through the same thing with my mom, except right now. Yeah, I know. I just always wanted to...

You just wanted a mom. You just wanted somebody to love you and tell you it's going to be okay and wrap their arms around you. Not get screamed at, not get slapped. Like I get it. I grew up with a very abusive stepmother. So I understand what it's like. And then my mom is a drug addict, you know? So, and she's never been in my life until I just inherited custody over fucking three months ago, you know, four months ago. So I get it. You know, you just long for that.

relationship and you see your friends have it yeah you know it's the worst feeling when you see everybody else fucking having cool relationships with their parents even now like around fucking holidays yeah around holidays i'm like i'm so lonely like i'm with my in-laws and like they're amazing and i used to be so jealous of my husband because i feel like he did he

doesn't appreciate them you know it's always like that isn't it always like that the kids who have the fucking like the together home fucking are always like oh you know like they would never not that I'm you know like you I want you to switch with me for a day right and just see how it feels right I get it like it's so lonely you know yeah that what I feel like is I could be in a room full of people tons of people having the best time

And I feel so alone. Because that's not one person in there remembers me from my childhood. You still have those bonds. Like, they watch you grow up. Right. It's just different. Yeah. It's just so different. And now, being a mom, like, I look back and, like, my mother wasn't in the delivery room. Aw. But that was me. I did that. So, from 18 to 22, you guys were like, aw.

I'm sorry. It's okay. You're okay. You're okay. Oh, I got to collect myself. I'm a mess. You don't have to apologize for having feelings. I think it makes you more human to have feelings. And I'm checking on your trulys right now. Oh, it's okay. Hold on one second. Oh, I got to stop crying. They are on the way. The person just checked out. So we should be good. And I'll keep an eye on that right here.

No, I think you're a fucking human. You're not a robot. I know. It just, I've never talked about this out loud to anybody but my therapist. No. And you know what? I even cried more paying the cold pay on the way out every week. So...

that's how i feel with my therapist i'm like god i don't even wear makeup i literally wake up and get on zoom with my therapist now because i know i'm just going to be ugly like it's like i just got to get through and just be ugly no trust me it's scary in the morning but um no uh so 18 to 22 you and your mom were close oh yes like what what do you think made that bond happen was it because she didn't have her she started using drugs oh

Oh, okay. Were you using at the time too? No, absolutely not. Well, I don't know. Some moms and daughters. No, I've spilled weed here and there, but I was never brave enough to dunk my toes in that. Right. Yeah. Like you. I was fucking snorting eight balls off strippers' buttholes. But you know, that's your journey, mama. Yeah. That made you strong. No, but I admire people who didn't fall down that hole. You know, like I think it's amazing. I was just a wimp though. I was a wussy with that shit. No, I admire it. Yeah.

Please. I'm afraid of sitting in the dark by myself because I'm afraid I'm going to see a spirit. I get that too. I totally understand that also. I'm not, I'm not, I was never cool enough for that. So she started using drugs. What was she doing? Like just, I, one time I found like a, um, a baggie cause we will, I said we will have a baggie, you know, somewhere. And I don't really, I don't really want to talk about it. No worries.

I guess she was like going in my room, like trying to look for a shirt or something. And a little baggie, you know, snow fell on the floor. And it's not mine. Right. I picked it up and I knocked on the door and I'm like, what is this? And she flipped out. She was embarrassed. Right. She flipped out. I asked my roommate at the time that the woman that we were living with, like, did you know about this? And yeah.

I think my mom was just vulnerable and she let the wrong people in her life. She's also working through a lot of trauma. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. She just, for any people, anyone that would show her love or acceptance, she just clung to. And I understand that now. I didn't get it then. Yeah. I didn't get it then. So what was the breaking point with you and your mom's relationship? Why did, why did you cut it off and why? When Sandy hit, I lost everything. Hmm.

Were you guys still living together? Yeah. She ran off, though, to Florida. And I remember calling her. I had nowhere to go. And I was living out of my car. I had a Mazda at the time. Red Mazda. And, yeah, it was fucking dark. Like, I went through a lot of shit. So I was living out of my car. I call her up, and I'm like, Ma, you got to come back. You got to come back. And she's like, Amanda. Yeah.

You're 22 years old, 23 years old. At that time, I had just met Joey around 20. Yeah, I just met him. So this whole thing was like fresh, you know, right? I know where to go.

And I was we were just talking so I wasn't going to ask him for help, you know, so you're talking about the hurricane, right? Yeah. Hurricane Sandy. Okay, I lost everything. The only thing that didn't I didn't lose was my car for some reason. Wow. Yeah, but the water went all the way up to the second floor and destroyed everything. I had no clothes. I had nothing. I had nothing. Um,

Luckily, I had a few little pennies saved here and there. It got me through like two weeks and I was able to find an apartment and I stood with my brother too for a little bit. So you do have siblings? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have one older brother and then I have like half siblings from my biological dad. Gotcha. Yeah. So I was able to stay with my brother. He had his own place at the time and I stood with him for a little bit and I bounced to my stepfather's house. Okay.

And that didn't end well. Him and I bumped heads. I ended up having a complete nervous breakdown and ended up totaling that car. I think I skipped a step, though, with my mom. So the reason why I cut her off is because she's like, you're 22 years old. Go live your life already. Why are you worried about me? And I was worried about because the guy that she ran off with was not OK. You know, he's passed away now.

But he ended up overdosing somewhere. I'm just happy that my mom wasn't with him. Wow. But, you know, she, I guess she got caught in it, whatever it was that she was doing. Right. At the time she got caught in it, you know, and she was with a guy. She felt love. Whatever the situation was, she didn't come back. So there I was literally on my ass with nothing. And I had to, I was shattered. My world was ruined.

and she let you down one absolutely one last time and i was like you know what i'm never gonna let anybody make me feel like this i remember that like i need them and i oh i had that feeling i was i remember feeling so angry and betrayed like i was down for you like you know no matter what i loved you unconditionally no matter

How many times you punched me in my face or ripped chunks out of my head? I still was fucking down for you. And I was like, I'm never going to allow somebody to disappoint me like this ever again. Picked my shit up. I was like, you know what, Amanda? If you have to stay in your car for a little bit, stay in your car, whatever. I remember my brother calling me. I was like, yo, do you need me to come and help you clean out your shit out of your house? Because I know it's hard to get down there. And at that time, there was dumping grounds. People were...

emptying out all that house because all the sewage everything was filthy so my so I was like Jose I don't even know where to start I don't even know where to start

Within minutes, him, his friends, everyone came down to help me. My brother was like, we're not going to do this. You're not going to do this. You're not going to fall apart like this. He's like, get your shit together. He's like, where's that big mouth bitch that I know? We love Jose. Yeah. He's like, he's like, who the fuck is this? He's like, I don't even know. What is this? What are you doing here? Yeah. I'm like, mommy won't come back. He's like, he's like, OK. And?

She's disappointed us all the time. This is not new. I'm like, okay. He's like, let's go. You can't fall apart like this. You're 22 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Right. You out of your mind. So...

Sure enough, I stood with him for two weeks. I stood with my stepfather for two weeks because I felt bad. I felt like I was being a burden on my brother. Like, I don't know. Because he was a single guy, you know? I was like, you don't need your sister being here. Well, and I think you're used to just having your independence too with your mom. You know, like you guys were girls. It's hard living under a brother's thumb. I saw his stuff. I just, you know. Yeah.

She said, I saw stuff. Yeah, like, no, I'm good. Yeah. Questions with towels were questionable. Oh, no. Guys are gross. Single dudes are disgusting. I just, I just, I'm good on that. So, you know, I stood with my stepdad for a little bit. That didn't end well at all because after the whole Sandy thing happened, my mom running away or whatever it is that she fucking did, I...

Had my first panic attack, totaled my car on the way to my job, which I don't work there anymore. But that place was a whole nother story. My boss is cursing me out because I'm late on the phone and I destroyed, smashed my car. I don't even know how I made it out of that because I was like an accordion in between two cars. Oh, my goodness. Wow. Yeah.

And I don't even know what happened. Next thing I know, I'm in an ambulance and they're saying at the hospital that I had a full blown panic attack. And that was my first and my blood pressure. I randomly had high blood pressure out of nowhere. So that condition was fun. I had to go to cardiologists.

I had like these brain test things to make sure it wasn't like seizures or anything like that. My father couldn't handle it between the car accident, everything. He's like, I can't, he's like, I'm in a place right now where I'm trying to get my mental health together. Right. Because the shit, the shit fucked me up too. Right. Yeah.

He's like, your mother put me through shit. He's like, and now I'm going through shit with the kid, too. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I can't do this, Amanda. You got to go. Oh, you got to go. I was like, are you kidding me? You're kicking me out. He's like, I'm not with your mother anymore. You're not my problem. Oh, that's hurtful.

I was like, okay, that's twice. Twice. So what I did was I completely cut them off. Was that the right thing to do? Probably not, but it's the way I protected myself. You protected your peace, yeah. And then every so often, like, I would try to reach out, try to fix it, and it would just backfire. Backfire. Like, and then when I got pregnant...

So let's rewind real quick. So all this is going on. Where's Joey in the midst of all this? We were just talking at the time, but he's seen me try to fix it, so I'm getting there. Okay. I'm getting there. It's still new. Gotcha. Gotcha.

So I ended up getting my own place, you know, and I was living out of my car for a little bit. Nobody knew I would go like into McDonald's, brush my teeth, like do like the Puerto Rican showers in the kitchen, in the bathroom sinks, you know, make sure the doors were locked. I

I did what I had to do. I did what I had to do. So I saved up enough money to get my own place. It was a cute little place. You know, like one of those side, like it was attached to a semi, like the side door. So I can go out right on the little patio that I have, have my little cup of coffee. Like it was my own little sanctuary. Yeah. Where were you working? Oh, I worked at this little doctor's office. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm a medical assistant. Okay. So...

that was fun at least you have it was urology I worked in your wow at least you have the work ethic though I feel like girls like us that come from such chaotic backgrounds you either go to work at the moment I had my working papers 14 years old my parents made me get a job at fat burger okay that was my first job fat burger I worked at Perkins is that a restaurant yeah okay it's like the green the green yeah okay I know exactly what you're talking about yeah so I started out as a host

this. Yeah. And I was a waitress. I did all that too. Yeah. I worked at Chili's. I worked at Shoney's. Oh, see? Yeah. But I feel like girls like us, you either go one of two ways. You either just completely give up and just don't know how to function or you go into super hyper vigilant independence and survival. Survival. Yeah. I didn't want to repeat my, my

my miss my mother's mistakes i didn't want to be a disappointment for someone else right absolutely yeah so i had to put myself back together whether you were trying to break generational curses even when you didn't realize it i didn't know at the time yeah i definitely didn't know i was just trying to survive like i just i i just wanted to be find peace i'm still at that point like i just want peace right i just want peace like peace is priceless and i think a lot of people

don't realize how how much it means to have peace in your heart you know there's so many angry fucking just miserable humans in the world and they're okay with being but my heart breaks for them unwell you know my heart breaks for them yeah we'll get to that yeah it's sad but

I'm sorry. I'm like sidetracking. No, you're good. That's my, that's my, that's my job is to keep everybody on track. I'm trying not to cry again. I'm like a cry baby. Hold on. Let me check. Hold on one second. I know it's okay. Stop. No, I got you. So, um, that's when I decided like, um, you know, all right, maybe let me give this a shot. All right. Cause after I got married, I'm like, okay, me, like I started seeing Joey and how he is with his family. And like, there's such amazing, beautiful people. And like,

seeing the bond that he has with his parents I was like you know what maybe maybe I can rekindle this you know maybe I maybe there's somewhere I can fix it I can try and be present for both parents number one they constantly talk shit about each other so that and I know it is like it's like just fucking get along you guys are you like my mom would be mad that I was talking to my dad and my mom would be like how could you talk to him after everything he did to me I'm like mom but you you stood there but you stood throughout the

You made it me? You made it me? You stood there. You stood long. What am I supposed to pretend he doesn't exist? Right. Like it's my fucking dad. You know, that's all I know. He's my father. Yeah. He's my father. That's my dad. You expect me not to say, what do you like? What about all the shit you did to me? Yeah. And you know what?

Granted, I was not the best child because I don't want to paint this picture like they're these horrible parents. I wasn't the best child either. Well, you are a product of your environment. Absolutely. Absolutely. Like I would, I was 15 years old with fake 21 year old IDs going into Avalon in Manhattan. Well, not Avalon, but I was fake ID'd up and drinking in clubs at 15. I left home at 14. So you kind of get, yeah, you understand, you know, so, uh,

How long did you and Joey date for before you guys hopped into marriage? Were you guys together for a long time or did it just happen like... We were together for a good...

Four years, I believe, before we got married. Or three years, something like that. I'm bad with timing. So I wouldn't say three years. We were together. We broke up for six months in between that. So when we first started dating, we were dating for six months, and then we broke up for a full year. And then we dated other people, and we ended up just coming back to each other.

you know, it just didn't feel right. Yeah. Did you, um, just to rewind real quick, did you, um, deal with the eating disorder growing up or did that come after? I'm getting to that. Okay. Awesome. I'm getting to that. So, um, that's part of like the, my mom also had an eating disorder. So I feel like,

That's the only thing I control and it kind of... It helps me kind of feel close to her. It's something you guys shared. It's a trauma, a shared trauma. Oh, yeah. And even like living together, I think...

when it was just me and her, it was whenever all the bullshit between her and my dad were over, we bonded. We were wearing each other's clothes and we were like the same weight. It would be on the scale, off the scale, on the scale, off the scale. And we validated each other too. It was so unhealthy. So it's just best if we're not

It's just we're not good together. Right. Was it anorexia, bulimia? Anorexia, for sure. Anorexia, for sure. I feel like everybody in our era is either bulimic or anorexia or a little bit of both. It was just also the time, too. The models back then were fucking rail thin. It was just crazy. Everything in that whole era of growing up was just eating. Well, my mother would tell me if you ever got fat, I would slap you.

Like she would look at other like moms with their daughters and, you know, if the daughters were overweight, she would turn to me and make a comment. You know, but I don't think, I think that she was projecting. Right. You know, she's definitely projecting. I just wanted to touch base on that because I know that you're very vocal about that. Oh, 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Yeah.

So you and Joey dated for four years. Yeah, so... Oh, yeah, so then...

And then we got married in Vegas. That's awesome. We didn't elope, though. It was planned. Oh, that's my hometown. The Valley of Fire. You know, the canyons. Yeah. What time of year was this? Because it's fucking hot as fuck out there. Oh, yeah. So we got married June 24th. And it was very hot, but it's dry heat. Right. And I had a pixie cut. I didn't give a shit what my hair looked like. Right. Because I had no hair. Right. I looked like Annie Lennox. It was fabulous. I love Annie. Me too. She's an icon, dude. Yeah, I love her.

her and I had red hair it was bright bright red I love that yeah and I had this plain little dress like no jewels no nothing just a short little white cocktail dress Joey was dressed in linen from head to toe oh it was wonderful yeah it was beautiful and then after that we went to Hard Rock Hotel and had margaritas at the pool party yeah it was amazing you know Hard Rock's not there anymore I know

I think virgins, right? Took it over. I was just telling her about that. That's like, that's my hometown. That's where I grew up. So when I go back and I'm just, that makes a lot of sense. Yeah. That,

It just clicks for me. That makes so much. Cause you know what it is? I frequent there. Well, before my son, I, before I had my son, Joey and I used to go to two, three, four times a year. I'm a frequent at the, well, I was a frequent at the crazy horse. Oh yeah. Okay. The crazy horse two or crazy horse three. Crazy horse three. Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, Oh, I love me a good stripper. Yeah.

Yeah. I love strippers too. I was one for fucking 11 years. One of them even taught me how to fold the dollar, like how to fold the bills. Yeah. She goes, no, you got to do it like this. Yeah. Strippers are some of the coolest bitches you'll ever meet. There's an occasional fucking scallywag. But other than that, they're all about their money. And they're all about women. One time I had my drink to a strip. I'm like, listen, I'm going to go to the bathroom. She just sat there in her baby tassels. Like, all right. And she's like, I'll get back at you.

That is sweet. I love it. Listen, I would never judge anybody who's making their bank, making their coin. Yeah. Mommy, you're happy doing what you're doing? Yeah. You feel confident? You get up on that stage. I love it. Yeah. I wish I had that. I don't have that. Yeah.

But you'd be the rock star that you are. I love that. I danced for a really long time, but I danced in the era where it wasn't cool to be a stripper. So I went through a lot of hell for that. I think it's so powerful. Yeah, it is. It is. Literally, you take your power back. A lot of women who are sexually abused become sex workers, and that's our form of taking our power back is, you know, saying fuck you to the man, literally. Yeah. Like, you know, you abused me when I was little. Well, guess what? I'm going to abuse you now. So...

Yeah, I totally, totally rock that shtick. So let's get back to you and Joe. You guys got married. You guys fucking... Oh, we traveled. We traveled for a while. How long have you guys been married for now? We're together a full total of 12 years. Married for...

Eight or seven. I'm really bad with timing. 12 years is admirable. Yeah. Nobody fucking stays together anymore. So I think that's really cool. It wasn't always easy. Yeah. Oh, no. I put him through shit because of all the trauma. Like I took out so much. Let me tell you something. That man has so much fucking patience. So much patience. He's seen things that...

People would have fucking packed up their shit and like, no, bitch, you got too many fucking problems. He really loves you. That's your person. Your person is going to fucking be with you through the good, the bad and the ugly. Absolutely. I wouldn't want to be with somebody who just wants to be with me when everything's fucking great. He's seen it all. He's seen it all from my mom leaving me high and dry. Like throughout all of that, we were talking and the only thing I lied to him about was staying in my car.

which I don't know if he hears this. Sorry, babe. Yeah, so that's the only thing I have. Well, that's your pride, though. You don't want to tell somebody that you were... Oh, yeah, I was embarrassed. I mean, I'm not embarrassed of it now because it happens and I'm not the only one that's ever... It happens. Everyone has a story. Absolutely. Everyone has a story. It's just how you let it affect you and how you...

project onto the world and how you use it to help people absolutely yeah absolutely so i didn't have a child till i was 30 we waited we traveled i went to mexico i feel like you did everything right i tried like you really did i tried i wanted to not be anything like my mother right and

And I fought tooth and nail to make sure that that never happened. I'm proud of you. Thank you. You did really good. Thank you. Just listening to your story, that makes me so proud of you because you could have really gone a totally different path. Yeah. I mean, the journey wasn't perfect, though. Of course. I had slip ups here and there. But I tried my hardest to be not a nice person, but just a good person. You know? And I'm...

I think throughout the whole time too, I'm such like, I'm so hard on myself. I can give you advice. I can give you the best advice, but I can never take my own. You know, it's tough. It's tough. And I'm still, I'm still learning and navigating this shit every day. Just when I think I have life down pat, it comes in like, no, you don't hold my beer. Yeah. Like fucking curve ball. Trust me. Yeah. So I became whatever. So I became a mom and that's like a whole,

rigmarole of like fears that I didn't even know existed because now my heart exists outside my body and it's like whoa holy shit you just created a human being that you can't live without and now you're gonna send him out into the world yeah

Now, then I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety. And I got delusional. And I was afraid to leave my house with him because I thought all these crazy things were going to happen. Hmm.

Were you ever diagnosed with anything before then? No. Generalized anxiety after I had my son. Poor baby. Mimi actually went through a terrible postpartum with her son also. I feel like women need to talk more about that. Yeah. It happened after I was done breastfeeding. That's tough. That is a lot of stuff to go through in such a short amount of time. You know, it's heavy. Yeah.

I want to get up and hug you. I just feel, I normally don't get up. I try to let my guests feel, but I just want to come get you. You're doing so good. I'm so proud of you. You're doing so good. Your sword is really going to touch somebody and help somebody because you're really so strong.

Thank you for letting me come here. This is amazing. Dude, I'm so happy you're here. I know it's hard, but I just, you know, I want you to know I'm really fucking proud of you. So throughout that whole thing, we're at the hospital. My boss comes to visit me, who she's fucking amazing. I didn't have my mom, so I called her one day, and I was like, really? I was at the hospital, and I was waiting for the discharge or, you know, to get discharged.

And I was like, I don't think I can do this. And coming, driving back and forth, we crossed a bridge all the time. And I was there at the hospital by myself. Joey went to work. And I was like, what if I just, I contemplated on it, you know. It would be quick. It would be easy, you know, because I'm not fit for this. Like, I can't do this. I think this is my breaking point. You contemplated driving off of the bridge? No, just pulling over and going.

You know, I thought about it. And then I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I immediately withdrew. I'm like, no, no, no. What the fuck are you doing? No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. Because then who's going to take care of this baby? Nobody's fit for this part other than you. God put this here for a reason. Right. He chose you to be his mom for a reason. So you were contemplating jumping off the bridge when you were driving over it. And you were just feeling so overwhelmed in that moment. Absolutely. Because I just wanted to...

not feel anything yeah it was a lot I mean it's like I and I also I'm like when do I get a break like I just want to go home and enjoy my baby like why like why are you doing this to me and you're dealing with all the fucking postpartum emotions and yeah and it's just like I don't I'm like I'm I was like literally talking to God in my head and I'm like all right you gave me the the shit with the parents I get it like okay but like enough already right I

right I get it life is hard like I've had enough I don't want any more yeah I appreciate it I'm here okay I get it I have faith I've learned my lesson I don't need any more that's what I felt so I'm thinking like who can talk some sense into me nobody other than my boss because she will tell it like how it is right she comes she came to visit me she's like she's like but you got this you got this you've been through worse

You've been through worse. She's like, you got this. You can't run away from this. She's like, didn't your mom run away from you? And that clicked. I'm like, no, this is enough. I'm not going to be weak from here. Absolutely not. And when I was staying at the hospital, I wasn't eating. That's the only thing that like... You could control. Yeah. Because I was feeling so much that feeling empty in my stomach was...

Felt good. Felt good. You were almost, it's like a form of self-harm. Oh, yeah, absolutely. But I felt powerful. And it was a delusional powerful because I was just, my son didn't deserve that version of me. He didn't deserve that portion of me. So when I got home, I had him...

And I forgot how I found TikTok. Yeah. I forgot. So this is really kind of recent that this is all unfolding. Oh, yeah. When did you have him? He's only three. He's a peanut. So he's a baby baby. I don't know why I thought he was like six for some reason. That's why I was like freaking out to be here. Like this is my first time away from him. I never...

And I'm on the plane. I'm like, I'm going to die. And my kids at home. No, you need that though. You need that mama time. I know this is really good. I'm dunking my toes in the water. You got this mama. Yeah. And you're going to go home with like a set of fresh eyes and be so reset. I feel better already. Yeah. You're for sure good. You're gifted bitch. I love you. You're like a high nine.

No, no, no, no. I heard that plenty of times. I'm just so happy that you guys trust me with your stories. Like literally that's what I'm here for is to just show people the human behind the screen. You know, you want to have something even more wild. Is that OK? Let me just before I skip all over because you're good. So I forgot how I found Tick Tock. I think one of my girlfriends actually was probably Jen.

She's scrolling, scrolling at work and she's doing all these things. She's like, look at this dance. Look at, look

look at it and she talks about her son because we're like mom friends you know our kids play together so um she's like wait look at this dance look at that and blah blah blah i'm like what the hell is this it goes down let me get let me give me your phone give me your phone you don't have tick tock get the out of here that's how mimi was with tick tock i refused i was like i am not dancing yeah i'm not getting on tick tock but it made me happy right right right right it was your outlet fun i'm like oh and then i came across who who was it

Janelle Rona. And she was eating bell peppers and cream cheese. And it brought me back to a safe. I have like, you know, I have these. It's so stupid. I have safe foods. Well, I had had because of recovery is you never goes away. Oh, no, I know. Yeah. I to this day have a hard time eating bread. Yeah. Yeah. So my safe foods were egg salad in bell peppers with hearts covered in hot sauce.

And I'm like, Oh, you know what? You do love your sauces. I love watching you eat. Cause you will just, I don't give a shit. I accumulate calories and sauce alone. I love it though, because I was so restricted. My step-mom wouldn't let me have sauces. I was never allowed to have sauces. So watching you is kind of like satisfying for me because I grew up the opposite way where I wasn't allowed to. So when I watch you, I'm like, that is so satisfying. I feel like when I'm eating, like it's, I don't,

I try to battle this thought because the thoughts never go away. They just become whispers. Yeah. If that makes any sense. Totally. So I feel like I'm doing something naughty.

I love that. No, I love it. Now every time you pour sauce, I'm like, oh, you naughty girl. Yeah, yeah. Do it, baby, do it. Yeah, I feel like I'm being banned, you know? I love it. So I'm like, oh, I can do this. You know what? Her putting cream cheese on bell peppers and the bagel seasoning and, you know, she's in the medical field and she's beautiful. And I'm like, oh, you know what? This girl's crushing it. She brought peace to me. I'm like, you know what? I want to do that for somebody. Mm.

You know, maybe I can... I didn't think it would land here, though. I was doing, like, the little dances. I'm like, I can't dance. Okay, I can talk, though. I can talk. So, and I would make my little iced coffees in the morning and, you know, talk to... I felt... It made me feel like I wasn't alone during that time. Right. I was just...

It was a creative outlet for you. Yeah. Yeah. And it was a space of my own outside of my marriage, outside of being a mom, outside of, you know, being a medical assistant, outside of being a friend. It was just something for me. Yeah. You know, like this was and my friends were making fun of me. Look at this girl. Like, what do you do? You're doing another tick tock.

How did you come up with the name Auntie Amanda? Oh, my followers started calling me that. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. Also, I do have six nieces and, well, I have three nephews, three nieces. Oh, wow. So six all together. So I am a real auntie. Yeah. You know, but people in the comments would be like, because I would do like the come eat with me, you know, and I would, you know, I'm unbothered.

my Chinese food or whatever it is that I was eating and I would just talk about you know things from my childhood memories you know the first time I got made fun of in class or like you know just funny little stories here and there it was comforting for me also it kept me accountable for eating every single day showing up

You know, that was my way of showing up. I think that's really beautiful for people to know that, though. Like, not only are you trying to help people, but just having a TikTok, like people are always like, oh, creators are so full of themselves, not realizing that there really is a story behind what's going on. Like you're trying to help your own eating disorder by showing up every day and eating on camera. And people don't even know that that's going on. No, no, that's really beautiful. Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

And, but I didn't think that it would touch so many people as the thing, you know, I know it's funny. Like when I go places and women come up to me, sometimes a lot of the times older than me and like, I'm taken back. And they're like, I, you know, you got me through, you know, I lost my husband or, you know, I was recently had a surgery and your, your videos, I watched them, you know,

you know, in the recovery bed and it gave me something to look forward to because I can always come to your page and I know you post, you know, you're trying Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Like I can live vicariously through you, you know, when I'm going through dark times and I can't be present for myself. Right. You know? Mm-hmm.

It's it. I, I, I love that. I can, that my stupidity can be a sense of somebody's comfort. It's relatable. Yeah. We're all fucking, we all have a little bit of stupidity in us. And I just, yeah, exactly. And I just,

Once they deemed me the Auntie Amanda, I was like, what am I going to do with this character now? Just be myself, I guess? But I started to develop this, I do these POVs, point of views, where I talk to the camera as if I'm talking to my niece, my nephew, or a friend, or somebody that I'm comforting. I try to be that person that I wanted as a child.

That's awesome. That just gave me goosebumps. It's crazy because you and Mama Tott really do help so many people, you know, and it's because you guys had so much trauma as children that you just said it perfect that you show up on camera as somebody that you wanted as a child.

Or the friend that I needed during those times and I didn't have it. That's what I try to emulate when I'm recording. You know, people are like, oh, it's funny because my friends in my real life will be like, oh, you know, how do you do this? And I'm like, no, no, you don't understand. This is not, I'm not acting. This is one shot. If I don't get it, then I got them on to the next idea. I don't, this is not well calculated. That's probably what gets me in a lot of trouble sometimes too. Right. Sometimes.

Maybe some of my stuff would be like less offensive. I feel like you could wear... It's like I tell people because people are always calling me names for how I dress and stuff like that. Oh, me too, girl. I could wear a fucking turtleneck and somebody's still going to call me a whore. It doesn't matter. Like every... Somebody's going to be pissed off about something. Yeah. That's what I told my husband. I told my husband the same thing. Yeah. I told my husband the same thing because he...

He's very protective. Of course. And I get that. And this is, he's older. This is, you know. How much older is Joey than you? We're 10 years apart. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, so, you know, it's different. The internet was different for him back then. Yeah. He didn't, you know, I think. It was more safe. They had AOL chat rooms back then. Yeah, me too. That was my era also. How old's Joey? Is he 42? 42.

I'm 42. Really? He's 44. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was my era. AOL chat rooms and all that shit. See, I was MySpace. Yeah, me too. I did MySpace too. You did? Yeah. I was doll parts on MySpace. Oh, I love that. Yeah. That's hot. I've always, one thing about me is I've always morphed with the times, you know? So that's how I've always kept my following is just to always morph with the times. We love an adaptive queen.

Yeah. Hello. Hold on. Let me get my accent. Hello. Is that good? My auntie Amanda accent. Yeah.

So, dude, how many followers do you have? Like four point four point three and growing. That's a lot of motherfuckers that you're responsible to entertain every day. It's not easy. Right. That's my next question. I get chewed up and spit out some days. I'm like, whoa, we all do. These people are just it's the other day. I you it was so crazy that you had posted that because literally on my backup account, I was like, the trolls are fucking rampant today. Like it was like

I don't know if it's because CERN was turned on or whatever the fuck happened. I think school just ended. Yeah, it was crazy. I was like, what is happening? So I have my backup account too. But on my backup account, I have literally so many different... I have a different following than I do on my main account. So my main account is like, you know, I get trolls all the time too, but it's like my safe place. And then I go over to my fucking backup account and it's like, holy shit. Like, who are you? What the fuck just happened? Yeah.

So when you posted that, like, God, are the trolls in full force today? I was like, yes. Yes, they are. How does that make you feel every day, too? I know we talk about the good, but we're also going to have to talk, you know, just touch on the bad, too. It's okay. We're allowed. Yeah, of course. It's like a part of the territory. My thing is, is these people are just so annoying.

They want to rip people apart. It doesn't matter if it's you. I get called a liar. Everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie. My accent's fake. If I do a video and the tone of my voice is slightly different, they're like, oh, you're faking it. It's fake. And it's like...

At this point, I just like... You're from fucking New York. Like, how is your accent fake? Your mother is from the Bronx. I know. But I don't say... I didn't... This is... Nobody knows my story. Wow. I've never sat down and like did this. Wow. You're the first. You pop my cherry, bitch. Yeah. Ooh. No.

I like it. Don't listen. I get excited. Don't talk dirty to me because that is right up my alley. I get so excited. No, but no, this is I've never told my story. So nobody knows that. You know, I just hope that after your story does come out, people can start to realize that you're really you're just you're not out here trying to fucking hurt anybody. You're trying to heal people and you're trying to heal yourself, you know?

Do the trolls ever get to you? Does it ever bother you? It used to. Yeah. I know. I feel. Because I never understood why. Right. You know. Like why are you so fucking hateful? Yeah. But at this point it's like.

I'm just reading words. I don't know their faces. So it doesn't hold any like, I can't respect it. If you can't say it from your chest, if you don't have a fucking profile pic or a fucking somewhat of a little bit of how many, how many profiles do you need to make? Like how many times have I got to block you? Okay. I get it. You don't like me. Okay, good. I'm still going to post every fucking day. Yeah. What do you want from me? Yeah. All right.

All right. You think I'm a liar. Cool. All right. I don't even know how that website is even in business because it is so toxic. I don't, I listen twice. Right. Right. Twice. I'm like, Oh, this is scary. It is scary. Yeah. It is scary that, you know, what scares me is the fact that people are struggling mentally. Like I was just about to say that it breaks my heart and it,

It's mental illness over there. And everybody battles with mental illness. I'm not pointing fingers. I battle with mental illness. No, no. It's not a joke. But this is a cesspool of people who are...

projecting their issues onto other people instead of trying to heal. They're literally trying to just tear people apart. Yeah. But I like the ones that like, they're like, you know, I've had people apologize. Yeah. You know, I'm so sorry. I was in a dark place. Like, you know, I don't know why I did. And I,

I would be like, it's cool. You're still welcome here. Yeah. You're still welcome here. I get comments all the time. There was a time I couldn't stand you and I know I feel bad. I'm like, listen, I'm not for everybody. Yeah. I'm not everybody's cup of tea. But then again, I don't fucking like tea anyway. Yeah. I'd rather be the shot of whiskey. Yeah. You know, I'd rather be a truly, you know, like I said,

I love it all. I get it. No, but I just feel like, you know, as creators, we open ourselves up so much to everybody online that... They feel entitled almost. Exactly. And it's like, we don't, you have to forget, like, yes, you know me, but I don't know you. So...

There has to be like some kind of... Yeah. Like common... I'm a real person. I'm not a doormat or like an inanimate object that doesn't... Like I'm a real person. And then when you fight back, like I've had a couple of times where I've kind of like gotten... I've done too. I've had my fish. Gotten sassy. Yeah, yeah. And then they get mad.

get mad it's like they don't want to talk about poking the bear but then when the bear finally fucking growls it's like oh what was me I you know I can't believe she said that and it's just like no motherfucker like you have literally been fucking stalking me for fucking six months I finally clap back and now all of a sudden you're the victim yeah oh yeah and like oh gosh please I've been accused of so much shit

Isn't it crazy when you read stuff about yourself that you didn't even know? There's so much hate. There's just so much hate in this world that I would feel like a horrible human adding to it. Right. And the thing is too, like... I think that they found their place of belonging.

Like they've never belonged to a group. So they're creating it. So they created this safe space of hatred. And even though it's toxic, they still feel like they belong to something because they never belong to anything outside of it. Right. You know, and that's why it's just so toxic and so bad. And I just, like I said, I don't understand how the website's even up. It's just crazy to me. Like, how is that legal to just have people on there fucking just with...

wrong accusations, attacking children, posting pics of children's faces and stuff on there that I've seen. Like, it's crazy. I've never seen that. Yeah, I have. Like, like I said, I've, I've, I've.

twice yeah you know i didn't know that the page existed until like another influencer i've never read your page i follow one that's like um i don't even want to give it clout i'm not even going to say the name on there but um i follow one that's like all tiktok because i just always want to know if i ever come across there you know so i know what's going on um and they're just crazy like it doesn't matter who it is on tiktok they just talk shit about every fucking body that's on the app but let them

Oh, no, I know. Yeah, I love that. No, I know. But my point is that there's just so much hatred in the world and that it just shouldn't be like that, you know? That's what I think about that. Let's talk about the fart controversy that you just went through. Oh, my God. I can't believe that. I never knew a fart would bother somebody so much and so many people. I don't understand. Like, this is not new. I've done this on my platform before. Right. Like...

there was a video I did last year. I'm coming out of work. I'm in my scrubs and I was holding in a fart during my shift and I knew it was going to be loud and I knew it was going to be deadly because I had tacos the night before. Right. Yeah. So, and I think I even, like, I was doing the taco boats and bell peppers and stuff. Yeah. So, I was holding it and holding it and holding it and I'm like, how funny would it be? Like, I can't be the only one that does this so I'm going to record it. So, here I am in my car and I'm like, oh, like,

like I you know I'm like guys I'm so glad to be out of work I was holding this in for so long like and I just you know and then but that video got hits and people like oh my

oh my God, this is funny. And they were sharing their stories. Like one time this. I mean, everybody farts. One time I did that and one time, and I crack up reading the comments. I'm like, oh my God, see this is, but it brings people laughter. Other people read those comments and they're like, oh, you know, they have a good laugh about it. It's fun. It brings people together. Absolutely. I have the, I have the humor of a 12 year old boy. Right. That will never change. Okay. I'm 34. That will never change. I was just telling her on the way here, I am forever 16 in my brain. Yeah. I love when I meet like,

22 year old people and they're still like well mature and like I wish I had that but I'm just such trash oh like I love it like I love trash yeah I love I'm trash too I love it I love it but I also love the queens that can keep their we love the composed queens too we don't judge we don't we love a multi-faceted queen yes we're very accepting yeah yeah I love that for us so

But, oh my God. So then I came across Jill, Jill Foods or Jill Eats. I can't remember, but she's from Long Island. Wonderful woman, like has a beautiful family and she does fart content. I got to go look her up. I don't even know who she is. She's hilarious. She's so funny, but harmless fun. And she's like, she does, she does like food tasting and stuff like that. She's just funny. Yeah.

um but she gets ripped to shreds a lot i'm like you know what i feel bad like i can let me join in on this yeah so i um she friend we i think i friend requested her we followed each other back i we talked and i'm like listen i'm gonna do what some of your videos like is that okay you know she's like yeah it would be an honor you're amazing i'm like

stop that. I'm a regular person. I think, you know, just she's from, she's from Long Island. I wanted to show support, you know? So, um,

I do edit some of her videos and then I did a video of mine but like it didn't really have I that wasn't my intention to start that whole drama like I genuinely really had to fight and it just slipped out I was bending over and I just woke up I was making a cup of coffee and I was like oh well and I'm not gonna stop the video just because I fight like whatever right

So I was like, and I even said sorry on the video. I'm like, oh, sorry. Next thing I know, I'm getting tagged to high heaven, like later on throughout the day. And this is a woman that I follow. And I really enjoyed her content is the thing. I didn't understand where all this was coming from. And she would comment like certain things like about my weight because her and I are the same height. And I don't care. I'll say my weight openly. It took me a while to own it. So I'm going to own it. I'm 135. Okay, I'm 4'11".

Yeah, it's fine. Not big at all. No, but for somebody with an eating disorder, that's hard. Right. No, I get that. But if anybody could shame you for that, that's crazy. I sent you the picture of how thin I was. You saw it for yourself. I was 98 to 110 pounds between there.

Right. When I first started my content, if you go to my very first video, you see I'm a pencil stick then. Yeah. So I remember like she would make like weird comments. So this was like a long time coming and I never addressed, I never said anything like I'm like, cause sometimes I could take things wrong and I can, I act out of emotion. I know how I am. No, I get it. I'm very aware of, right. You know? So I'm like, no, maybe I'm being dramatic. It's just, you can read texts differently. Right. Like it's, you know, yeah, absolutely. Then when she did that video, I'm like,

Oh, Miss Thing wants to get spicy. Okay. No hate, no nothing. No, I have no hard feelings at all. I think the whole thing is hilarious. Have you ever had other creators come for you too? Oh, God. Really? I had the whole internet come after me. Not just over the fart thing, but just other things. Other things. No, I mean like other fellow creators. I feel like us as creators, we should never be coming for each other. But you know what? I'm guilty of it.

I'm guilty of it. Calling people out. Yeah. I mean, I don't like it anymore because I see what it feels like. Right. And it's a lesson learned. It's a lesson learned. It's a lesson learned. But at least you're a woman enough to admit that. Absolutely. I'm not perfect. I fucked up a lot. I think that's amazing. In the past two and a half years I've been on this platform, I fucked up a whole lot. Well, we're all learning how to navigate. This got thrown to me. I have no... You know, I was... I come from low class...

New Brighton, like no money, no nothing. Like this was thrown to me. This was thrown into my lap. But you know what? For as long as I have it, I'm going to ride this bitch till the wheels fall off. Absolutely. You know, so...

we were blessed with a platform for a reason and i guess i don't know why but i'm gonna because you're a good human and you deserve it and this is your break this is where god is like you know what i've put you through so much shit you've been through so much shit here's a reward for fucking you doing the right thing i mean like yes we are all fucked up we've all had to figure out things but you really did things like the right way like growing up and you know

always held a job and you know dated for four years didn't have kids right away like you really did the right thing what kind of opportunities do you feel like tick tock has given you god i've spoken to people that i only dreamt of having conversations with i don't want to name drop no you don't have to like that but um

people that I've watched on YouTube, like back when YouTube dropped, these influencers follow me. They know who I am now. And I'm like, you don't understand. You guys got me through times when I felt alone. Like I would just watch like makeup videos because it brought me peace. Yeah. And I would watch them as I was, you know, not mimicking what they do because I can't do makeup for shit. And I own that too. So that's why I have a makeup artist. Yeah.

She was not here today. So, but yeah, no, trust me. I wish I could do what those bitches do, man. It's art. It's literally art. And they're so beautiful. And I failed art class. So I can't, there's no fucking way I can do it. They are so beautiful. Yeah, they're so beautiful.

They do shit I've never even seen before. But there's like certain makeups and primers. Like you could, you can't mix certain, there's oil base and water base I learned. I didn't even know that. Thank you, Mikayla. I love her. I love her. She's so cute, right? So is she from New York too? Because I know the accent. She's from Boston. Okay, gotcha. Yeah, she's from Boston. Yeah. But I've spoken to people that I would never even dream of meeting.

First of all, I talk to people and I'm like, how do you even know I exist? Are you kidding? You watch me? I mean, four million fucking people. A lot of people know you exist. But it doesn't feel like it. Yeah, so when I'm out and about and people come up to me and some of these women are shaking, giving me hugs, crying, and I'm like...

It's not... I don't think it'll ever sit in. Yeah. No, I get that. I was talking to another influencer via FaceTime and I was just, you know, we're having a conversation, blah, blah, blah. And she's like, I don't think you really get it, do you? You're like, you're... Bitch, you're the shit. And I'm like...

to me, my shit smells just like everyone else. Right. I'm just a regular person, you know, with a platform, but I'm a regular person. I still work my regular job. So you do still work? Yeah. My life didn't, I didn't allow it to change me. Right. I didn't allow it to change who I was. I'm not going to all of a sudden have manners and start chewing with my mouth closed because I got a blue check mark next to my name or

Speaking of, how the fuck did you get verified on TikTok? Because I have so much shit to get verified. I'm verified on Instagram. I'm verified everywhere. I want to get verified on Instagram. I'm dying. We might need to trade notes because I need to figure out how to get verified on TikTok because it is crazy. I definitely got you.

you yeah I got you on the Instagram thing so we'll just swap yeah yeah absolutely I got you that's not that's easy peasy stuff I got you so where are you hoping you know what's in store for Auntie Amanda for the next year like where are you hoping this takes you what do you want to do with I literally don't know I take it day by day I'm not a planner yeah

I'm not like even this podcast, right? I've texted you on the web. Like I gave you a month in advance because I know you, you know, you have a beautiful staff and stuff, but like, and I know that you're busy. Jelly rolls busy, you know, and the fact that I'm even, yeah, I'm the fact that I'm even like his, I'm talking to his wife is insanity. Oh, daddy would have been here, but he is at a boy's party. No, I don't, I don't, I wouldn't even know how to act if he was here. I'd probably be singing save me. Yeah.

It wouldn't be the first person who's done that. Sorry, that song hits home for me. Oh, let me tell you something. When I realized that you followed me...

I was like, what? I love you. As soon as you shared that. And then I think there was like a little bit of controversy because, you know, like when you're looking for sounds, the Chucky sound when you're looking for sounds. Yeah. So I had seen a video that you did and I was like, oh, I could do that. But I'm gonna put my own twist on it with the Chucky costume, stuff like that. So I didn't think anything of it. So what? Your fucking army came for me. I didn't know that. I don't appreciate that. I don't know. It's

okay no because listen I know my I know my I know they're down for me but I don't condone in that no it's fine it all worked out because I really was just like bro I was not I'm sure you wore it better trust me no no no not at all and it wasn't even about that but I was like oh this is cute okay I'll just put my own spin on it you know because that's what we all do on TikTok but that's TikTok hello TikTok was musically they're like you need to tag Nancy Amanda and Nancy Amanda was the original and blah blah blah and I was just like oh my I was like I didn't

No, like calm down. Everybody calm down. Like people get so upset. Like you need to tag the original person. And I was just like, bro, I learned my lesson. Okay. Sorry. I will never do it again. Yeah. So like when I did Demps' kick the other day, I tagged her. I was like, thank you for letting me borrow your kick for five seconds. I did a kick when I showed up these boots and people like, oh yeah, she's trying to be Demps. Yeah. Demps and I are friends. You know, we're all friends behind the scenes. Right. Like we all conversate. We're here to entertain. Yeah. But there's a whole nother...

wall where we all talk to each other. We're all aware and we all share what you guys say about us. Yeah, no, for sure. So I was just so happy that you and I could connect and I'm so happy that you came on the podcast and people are actually going to get to hear your story. Like that is what makes me nervous.

No, but why? It's such a beautiful story. Thank you. It's more room for judgment and criticism. Fuck them. It's like I told Jay, dude, the other day when she was on the podcast, I am Jay. It was like, no matter what we do, we're going to fucking get talked shit about. So it's like, let's fucking live our lives for the people who don't talk shit about us. You know, I'm numb to it now. Yeah. I mean, you have to. I laugh and joke about it because it's that's that's this is.

You know, you're an influencer too. I can, it feels normal to joke. We have to joke about these things. If we don't, I mean, you can't take life too serious. None of us get out alive anyways. Right. So it's like, what the fuck are we all so upset about right now? You know, like we're living our lives. We're fucking bringing smiles to people's faces every day and

For me, I don't know how it is for you, but for me, the hate is just like the 1%. Yeah, that's exactly how it is for me too. Now, I don't like when people come for my husband, you know? Oh, I know. We were talking about this earlier. Like, you guys can come for me all day long. I don't give a fuck. I'll turn it into money. I'll make it content, whatever. I still make some things about my husband, um...

content too but like when you come from my daughter or you come from my uh husband that's when the gloves come off like i seriously can't fucking stand that like kids should always be off limits period like they're i don't know what fucking era these motherfuckers grew up in but none of them are gangster you know like kids should always be off yeah family members but i just what i don't get is like what is the outcome of it yeah just misery

All right. Because I'm like, I'm still going to show up every day. Yeah, absolutely. You're not going to scare me off the platform. You know, like you can't scare me off the platform. I've already been dragged. I've been dragged by a lot of fucking creators. Yeah. No, it's OK. No, it's all right. I hate that. It made me tough. Yeah. It taught me about social media because there was a whole nother.

side to this that I'd never saw before wow and now I'm like wow these now everything that I've ever watched other influencers go through like emotionally crying on the on the kitchen floor that's another thing yeah come on she even like she dragged me no fucking way yeah really the election

Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. She dragged me to high heaven. That's crazy. Because Trisha of all people and shout out Trisha. I love you. You know, I love you bitch. Um, Trisha of all people. She blocked me. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. She's supposed to be coming on the podcast after she has the baby. We'll, we'll have to talk about that. Yeah. She blocked me.

me and Trisha I still love you us queens have to support each other man it doesn't are we all supposed to have the same opinion listen I it was I was I was like honored almost but I feel like she is queen but I feel like she has been drugged so much in her life and she also battles with mental illness I know that to inflict no I know listen you know I'm a little fishy

Well, I was a little fishy before she blocked me, but I'm a fishy, you know? No. I've been watching, I watched her since 2008. Yeah. I just feel like we, we're not, just because we all don't have the same opinion doesn't mean that we shouldn't not like each other. We don't, neither one, not, none of us in this room will ever experience life through the same,

perspective ever because we all live different stories absolutely we don't we don't different morals different lifestyles we will never walk the same path either even though you and i are that's the beautiful thing about life right we took two different paths and we still ended up here together absolutely right how wild is full circle yeah no it's crazy so um

Who am I to sit and tell you based on everything you've ever been through in your life that you're wrong for your beliefs? Absolutely. I don't know what nobody nobody knows what's right and what's wrong in life. We just go through it hoping that we're doing the best that we can. Absolutely. So who the fuck am I to sit here and shove my beliefs down people's throat? You don't believe what I believe in? Cool.

Cool. But we can still be friends. But I still love you. Exactly. But we can still be friends. We don't have to block each other. We don't have to have any animosity. I feel like if everybody has the same opinion, how fucking boring is that? Yeah.

people come at me all the time and they're like I can't believe you're gonna have so-and-so on your podcast and I can't believe that you protect this person and I can't believe that you and I'm like if you're my girl you're my girl I don't care if you've fucked up I don't care what you did in your past yeah I don't care you know as long as you're not out fucking hurting babies and shit that's what I don't like too like when people are like ew auntie Amanda you support so-and-so I'm like no we're not gonna do that here

Exactly We're not gonna do that here Yeah No You know why? Because I'm not perfect None of us are And I'm sure Because you're sitting You're You know You're not under a magnifying glass Or under a microscope So it's easy to point out People's flaws When you're not under the microscope Yep

Absolutely. You know, so no, we're not going to do that. You know why? Because I've fucked up a thousand times. Yeah, I get it. I love women and I love powerful women. I love women who have a story. I love women who cry and are vulnerable in front of the world. I love women who have been through some shit. You know, I don't want somebody with pretty heart, a pretty face. I want somebody with a pretty heart. You know what I'm saying? So that's what I always tell people. And I preach this on my platform. You don't have to be a nice person. You don't.

You know why? I actually don't trust like the nicey nice and they, they come, they, they, yeah, they shower you in the beginning. No, immediately. I'm like, no, I want somebody who's going to be like, listen, you're doing a lot right now. Yeah. And I love you. You just want somebody who's real. Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I surround myself with people.

people that aren't afraid to tell me when to pull it back. Yeah. Yeah. You can't be surrounded by yes men. Literally Mimi's on my ass all the time. I'm always in trouble. I love that. I'm always in fucking trouble. She's like, you can't say that. I'm like, why? That's what I need. Yeah. That's, that's who I surround myself with people that will aren't afraid to be themselves that don't care about being themselves at

at all that don't I love people that don't bring up social my social media too I cling to those people yeah people you what you don't know who I am hi okay cool I want to talk to you oh yeah the waitress yesterday we went to bar taco she's like I'm sorry I don't know who you are I'm like you don't have to I'm a nobody don't worry about it

I'm on an app. It's silly. Don't worry about it. How are you doing? How's your day? You know, ask Mimi. I would rather like when Demp said last night that you guys were going to broad. Sorry, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. It's all right. You're meeting up with Demps after here to collab. And I'm supposed to collab with you guys. But everybody knows I have severe anxiety. But also you guys are going to Broadway on a Saturday night, which is fucking. I don't know what that's like.

Yeah. Oh, you deserve to have this Broadway experience. And I'm so happy that you get to experience with Dempsey because I mean, who else to experience Broadway with than Dempsey?

But as soon as she said that, I was like, I'm not fucking going down there. I'm going to get mauled by everybody. Like I have to go down there with security. And I even told Dempsey that I'm there. I'm like shaking. Oh yeah. No, like it's, it's a lot. It's a lot. And I even told Mimi, I was like, they're going to Broadway. I was like, I cannot do that. I would rather go to a fucking plate, a hole in the wall where nobody knows anything so that we can like enjoy each other.

I won't even go out with my husband anymore because when we go out, it just... Flies on shit. It turns into a meet and greet, you know? And we don't get to spend quality time with each other. And that's fine. That is not me. Listen, I'm not even a singer. I don't even have any talent and I understand. No, but that's not me complaining. We love the people that come up to us. No, but sometimes you don't want it. Right. Sometimes you want to...

feel like a nobody well exactly and that's what you were saying is that you went you know the waitress last night didn't know who you were I love that I love that because I wanted a break for a minute like how you doing let's talk about like you know she's a mom she had a 14 year old daughter I'm like how was her prom and like do they do proms she's like yeah yeah you know everything's great she you know she was so sweet yeah no I love that do you ever eat there

Have we eaten at Bar Taco? I'm not sure. I try to avoid anywhere downtown at all costs. I only go down there if my husband has a show. This is on 12th Ave. That's near Broadway. Is it? That's near-ish Broadway. All right. I'm still learning here. Yeah, no. So I literally live probably about fucking six minutes away from here. Okay. So I...

I'm in my own little bubble. You know what? Good for you. You deserve it. But I'm excited for you guys. Are you guys going to go out tonight and explore Broadway and like get the whole fucking... Do you drink? Are you like a drinker or just stick to like... What is Truly anyways? It's like... I don't know what it is, but it's good. Is it a malt liquor? Malt liquor. Is that what it is? It's a malt liquor. I didn't... You know what? I just took... I just...

I just got what you just did there. Yeah. It took me a minute. I'm like, I told you I am going to have an accent by the time you leave here. Um, I, you guys have got to go out on Broadway. You guys got to, if you get drunk, get drunk. I mean, you have to experience it. When I first moved here seven years ago, my husband would take me down there. Here's the thing. I did all that drunk partying. Yeah. So at such a young age, that getting sloppy like that is not fun for me.

No, I hate the next morning. Oh, the next morning. I'm calling up my cousin and my cousin's a nurse practitioner. She's like, I'm like, listen, can you set up one of those banana bags? Yes. Yes. If you guys need one. Oh, shit. My guy's out of town. But there is a place downtown. I forget the name of it. But if you guys do need one in the morning, I'll let you know the name of the place. She's like, you're going to need one in the morning.

in the morning i'm nervous well to get through broadway you're gonna have to drink yeah like i i couldn't imagine dealing now no don't be scared embrace it it's just it's literally you guys are gonna get so much good content and just can you say scared again scared

Scared. Scared? Scared. Scared. Is that what I said? Yeah. It's cute because she pronounces her R's and I'm so envious. My jaw is so lazy. I try to force it and it looks sad. Because of your accent? Yeah. I love it though. Like I'm like marshmallow. I love it. I could like listen to you talk all day. I used to be like that with my husband too and now I don't even hear his accent because I've been around him for so long. Oh yeah. When he talks he has an accent. That's right. It's heavy. Yeah. I forgot. He has a hillbilly from way back. Yeah. He's like he's

Just so funny when you hear him talk. He has a story too and it's beautiful. Oh, yeah. No, daddy's amazing. It's such a beautiful story. I know. I wish you guys could even met him. I'm so proud of him. Good. Me too. I'm so proud of my husband. Yeah. I tell everybody, my husband is literally the closest thing to a walking angel on earth. I see it. Does not have a bad intention. Doesn't matter if somebody's fucking mean to him or fucking fucks him over. Like, I'm the complete opposite. Me too. I'm so petty Betty and I wish I would stop. I'm the worst. Me too. But I'm like...

I'm like, but that doesn't apply to me. Let me be the garbage person that I am. Right. My husband gets so mad at me sometimes because I'll, I react before I think. Me too. And he is like, he will think and never react. And I'm like, how do you,

I'm not teaching me. Yeah, no. Well, a little bit. But the thing is, is he he's dealt with his trauma differently, you know, so he is the opposite of us because of what he's been through. So but he's my husband is just little angel baby. You guys will get to meet him. You'll get to meet him. We'll have shows in New York, too. What part of New York are you in? Staten Island. So Staten

Yeah, we'll probably have shows out there. But if you're like in Jersey or something, I can make it. Yeah, we'll go. Well, the Shinedown, he's touring with Shinedown. So we start that tour in... When does that start, Mimi? August? September? I don't fucking know. I never know what we're doing until like a week before. Yeah, I'm the same. I literally live life on a whim. I think we do have some New York dates. I'll have to look. But listen to this. Up until...

Two days ago, she didn't know. We didn't know. I didn't remember times. I didn't know addresses. I know. I'm scrambling last minute. Joe's like, babe, where are you leaving out of? I'm like, I think LaGuardia. He's like, what time's your flight? I'm like, I have no idea. But you know what? I'll look. I'll check tomorrow. Dim's text me. She's like, what time is she going on the podcast? I'm like, I told her what time. She's like, she said she didn't know. I was like, I'll hit her right now and let her know.

I was like, in case you forget, I'm the worst. I am. I'm the worst. I don't answer text messages back right away. Like I'm the worst. I literally just, I'm like a little, I just float through life. Like, yeah, sometimes it's best. Sometimes that's best because I'm so OCD. I'm very type A personality. So everything I have is too. So we balance each other out. My husband's just like you. I just like that.

Yeah. He flow. And I'm like, how, how do you not have a fucking plan? And he's like, how do you have 10 plans? He's like, I don't understand. I don't have time for that. Yeah. My,

My husband's like that. He's like, babe, when we go on vacation, he's like, okay. He has the whole itinerary. I love Joey. When's Joey's birthday? He's a Scorpio. Oh, okay. November 1st. 1978. Right on the Scorpio. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's a true. He's a Scorpio through and through. How'd you tie a Scorpio man down? That hootenanny must be amazing. Because Scorpio...

Scorpio men do not settle down. So that's awesome. Listen, I have a lot of rage. Yeah, baby. I love it. That is right up my alley. I love that. Well, I'm so happy that you came on the podcast, mama. And I just thank you again for trusting me with your story. And I cannot wait. Thank you for even acknowledging my existence. I'm like still going away. I can't believe like, I can't

believe this I'm here oh dude I this is just the first of many podcasts I know once this story gets out there's gonna be so many other podcasts who want you on so you have a really amazing story did you even know all that stuff about her her friend is here by the way oh yeah yeah no that's why she's here I can't listen she's she's also seen a lot too even though we're friends three years she's seen a lot she's been in my house you know she's been around my son you know and she's

No, I get it. Mimi and I have been in each other's lives for, what, four years? There's a lot of shit. She's told me to stop my shit. Good. You know? That's a good friend. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, no, I have... That's one thing. I have... Knock on whatever this is. I have... Wood. Wood brick. Fake brick. I feel like, you know when you're little and your mom makes you, like, the...

During Christmas time Those red things Yes And those pretents Via places I feel like that's It looks great on camera But for the humidity Has been making it bend So we're like I'm not judging I want this for my house They actually have The gray stuff And it's really cool Yeah I know This is awesome Because I want my friends To come over And draw my

Have him sign your wall and stuff. Yeah, that's fucking badass. I love that. Well, I'm excited to see how Broadway treats you. And you have to come back. I want you to start being a reoccurring guest on the podcast. So like once a year, I'll just bring you back and we'll just check in and see what's going on. But I still want to make chicken cutlets for you. I would love to do that. You have a kitchen here?

here. Yeah, we do. Or I could fly to, I can always fly to New York. We're always looking for an excuse to get the fuck out of town. And she's never been to New York. We've actually been talking about it. But Staten Island doesn't have anything to offer other than the dump. No, I'm just kidding. It's all right, but we can come see you and then I can take her, you know, down to Brooklyn. Yeah. And we can go to all

take that would be awesome i love that yeah we could definitely make a new york trip it would be awesome fun either way either way yeah either way we're gonna get down yeah we're gonna make it work mama yes why don't you shout out all your socials where people can find you at oh okay so um

Wow. This is like fancy. I love this. So it's Auntie Amanda Lee. That's TikTok. Right. And then I think it's an underscore after my name. And then it's Instagram Auntie Amanda Lee also. And do you have a YouTube? You should fucking make a YouTube of all the fucking foods and shit that you make.

I know my manager's on my ass about that. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's another... I want to shout out Tori, too. Yeah. That bitch always puts me in check. Yay. She's like, no, we're not doing that. Who's Tori? She's my manager. Oh, awesome. Yeah, she's phenomenal. I love her. Yay. Does she get new brand deals and stuff like that? No, I get brand deals, you know. So I've only been working with her maybe a month. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, I never had a manager because I didn't know that I was...

that people do that. This is my manager right there. But I didn't know. Like, somebody was like, you don't have a, you did all of this by yourself? That's amazing. She's like, you've booked, you've accomplished a lot alone. I'm like, I didn't know that

You don't get that. I don't understand this. Like when you're... You're just wired to go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, this is still a hobby for me. Aw. But you're loving it and you're passionate about it too. Oh, yeah. I adore it. I love it. I love that I get to make people happy. Yeah. You know? That's the biggest part. That's my drive. That and my family, you know, providing for them. And...

My husband, you know, he works and stuff too, but it's, I've never had anything. I come from nothing. Like I've never had anything to call my own. She's like, I'm not letting this shit go. This is mine. This is mine for me. Yeah. I love that. I completely understand that too, because that's, I've had to separate myself from my husband. I have been absolutely,

about not being like, I'll do jelly and bunny stuff, but I am still a whole entity outside of my husband. You're not just somebody's wife. Exactly. And I never wanted to just be somebody's wife. So I couldn't understand you

more than you could even imagine, dude. Yeah. Yeah. This is the first thing. I don't know why he gave this to me. I'm Sky Daddy up above. We love Sky Daddy. We love Sky Daddy. I don't know why he gave this to me, but I'm going to be grateful about it. I'm not going to throw it away. I can't walk away from this. I think you're fucking crushing it. Thank you. And I love everything that you've accomplished and I can't wait to see everything else that you're going to accomplish. You stole my heart with the Christmas story leg, by the way. That's my favorite.

favorite favorite oh yeah no i love this i'm obsessed i had a small one and it burnt out and joey's like get rid of it it's horrible looking i'll have to get you one i'll send you one no you don't have to do that yeah no i will it'll be a christmas story you watch that movie you know it's from that okay of course because i talked to some of my friends that have never even seen that movie yeah no totally you'll shoot your eye out yeah no i totally know

That's exactly why I got it. I remember whenever we started the podcast, I was like, I need a lamp. And I was like, I don't want just any lamp. No, you need that lamp. It's got to be a Christmas story lamp. You need that. Yeah. You need that as a bunny lamp. And we had to like search for it too and had to wait like a long ass time just to get it. So. Really? She's my Betty. I love her. I, I, what did I find?

find mine bed bed to be on but it's a little shit one yeah i think i got this off amazon don't quote me i could be wrong but um i'll definitely get you one so i'll have to have you text me your address and i'll have one sent to you you're crazy girl you're crazy i love it well i adore you and again thank you for coming on yes thank you for having me i appreciate you thank you and thank you guys for tuning in to another episode of dumb blonde i will see you guys next week bye