Ask, Tell, Confess: Poo Choppers and Shroom Pee-ers
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I want to know why in the hell are you not on Patreon? I don't think you guys even realize how much content we have on Patreon. Let me break it down for you. We have the Bunny XO Show. We have Meet the D-Fords. We have Popaganda. We have more shows that we're adding. And not to mention, we have the visuals of the podcast. Head over to www.patreon.com backslash dumb blonde podcast and sign up. Ask, tell, confess.

Hello, friends. Welcome to Ask, Tell, Confess. How many? Eight seconds. I tried to add a little razzle dazzle. I like it. It is cold outside. Well, I can tell you guys I don't have pneumonia anymore. No, you're clear.

I was so scared that I was going to sound like a fucking 85 year old smoker for the rest of my life. I was like, God, I'm not going to have my sultry hot voice back. I was scared. Did you get the, did you have laryngitis too? Or was it just pneumonia?

Well, I got misdiagnosed. All right. This seems to be the theme for this year for me. And I went to the doctor. I'm like, I have walking pneumonia. Something's wrong. And he's like, well, it sounds like you might have laryngitis. And I'm like, OK, whatever. Takes me to get a chest X-ray. He's like, you're fine. There's nothing wrong with you. I didn't believe him. So I kept taking my Z-Pak. And then we had the head of cardiology. She's so fucking awesome. Her name's Dr. She's amazing.

She came to the house and listened to my lungs and she was like, oh honey, you are severely infected with pneumonia. And I was like, holy shit. But I didn't know because I was like, why didn't it show up in the x-ray? And she was like, probably because when you have pneumonia sometimes and you're dehydrated, it will not show up on x-rays and it won't make a crackle sound. And then I got two bags of IVs and the fluids pushed the mucus and stuff up

into my lungs and that's why you could hear it. So that was something I learned that I wanted to pass on with you guys. I never knew that. That's crazy because remember when I almost fucking died of sepsis? Yes. I had a chest x-ray. Yeah. I had gone to the doctor two days prior to being hospitalized and told I was...

perfectly fine. Just go home and rest. Yeah. But it could have been the dehydration. Yeah. There's just, I just think the lesson here and for all of us is listen to your body. If you think it's something at, well, hold on, not for the hypochondriacs out there. Cause I'm a hypochondriac too. But if you, you just, I know when I have pneumonia, I've gotten it so many times that at this point I just fucking can diagnose myself. So just listen to your body.

Get what you need. Be your own advocate. Absolutely. All right. You guys ready to. You guys ready? Yeah. Did we coordinate this? Because. You guys look. Gay. Gay.

It's all right. Haley showed up on Thanksgiving wearing the same fucking outfit as me. We both had Harley Davidson fucking sweatshirts on and leggings. Yeah. I mean, it was, she said one of us is going to change and it's not going to be me. Luckily you brought three outfit changes. Yeah. Yeah. That wasn't even my final outfit. Haley's always got a fucking change out of clothes somewhere. I still have my tour clothes in my car. That's why. Dude. Speaking of tour clothes, I have been unpacking every, how did I have that much shit? Um,

On the bus. I am still trying to put clothes away. I don't have enough room. I'm going to have to build a closet here at the studio. You have a closet here. You have multiple closets here. I do.

But you know what? I was thinking about having a room just made into a closet. Oh, that room down the road? Racked up, you know? The room down the hall down there. That's right. I just said locked up. So we're just, we're fucking, we're about a thousand. We're about a thousand today. All right. Good one. When you buy from my merch online, just know you're buying from Shopify. They've been there for me ever since I started my merch company. And that was a while ago. So we are like family at this point.

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wrote in the DMs. So you know it's good whenever it's in the DMs. It goes down in the DMs, ladies and gentlemen. And if you guys want to be a part of Ask, Tell, Confess, you need to sign up on our Patreon because they have a ball with us every week. And the only way to get your Ask, Tell, or Confess read is to be a part of the Patreon community.

Said, oh my God, this applies to your tell. Oh wait, she wants to be anonymous. So bleep her name, please. Sorry. Bleep her name. She said, because it's so embarrassing. You took mine. So one time me and this guy were having sex and he literally was probably one of the best guys I've been with. Well, he decided to take a couple hits of shrooms and party it up for July 4th that year.

What in the actual fuck?

Ew. Ew. I know. That's rough. That's rough. Okay, so listen. I've been on shrooms before and...

You would know if you're peeing. That's why I'm a little confused because shrooms aren't like... It's not a crate. It's a hallucinogenic and you get high, but it's not like you're so fucked up out of your mind you don't know what you're doing. I got high on shrooms one time in the middle of the fucking Utah forest in a cabin, snowed in, and fucking I made a five-course meal. Okay.

to keep me from going in. You know how like you go into a hole sometimes whenever you're on shrooms? Well, I felt myself kind of going in that hole. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to keep myself busy. Let me tell you something. Don't ever fucking cook steak while you're on mushrooms. I could see every pore. Ooh.

It was moving. No. Like, it was the craziest shit I've ever seen. Nobody was hungry. When you're on shrooms, you're not fucking hungry. But I cooked it just to keep myself busy. And then my two friends that I was there with, Grace, rest in peace, love her, my best friend Grace, and her boyfriend, were in the front yard banging. So I was left by myself in this cabin. And then I thought I was Little John and Michael Jackson dancing in the snow. It was a great time. But anyways...

Okay. I still, if I could cook a five course meal, I would know if I was peeing, you know? So it's like, it was he on something else. Cause I don't feel like that was just, yeah, he probably was on something else. Like pills, maybe, maybe like Xanax or something like that. Or he was drinking with it or like literally anything, you know, like that was,

Yeah, if he was drinking alcohol on the shrooms, I could see him not knowing what he was doing. Yeah, that's correct. Also, what do you do in that kind of situation? Now you gotta flush yourself out. I think I'd rather be peed on than peed inside of. No, that's crazy because that's all toxic shit going inside of you. And whatever he was on is now inside of you, you know? I mean, that happens with cum too, though. Did you know that?

So if a guy comes inside of you and it's not a condom and it actually goes in your body, there is a small, small, small percentage of whatever he has in his body, testosterone, fucking if he's on pills, if he's taking antibiotics, anything like that comes out in like nano micro. I don't know the terminology, but that gets into your system somehow.

research it ladies well we're so in so but that's what they it's not all not only a sex a soul exchange with somebody it's literally like you're swapping i mean i get that like now that like it makes sense like i don't know why i didn't think of it before like

You know? When my husband is taking like a lot of B12, when my husband is taking like a lot of B12 or a lot of vitamins, or he's had a steroid shot because he's sick or something like that, and we like bang and he, you know, fucking the next night I can't sleep. It takes like a full 24 hours to hit me, and I'm so sensitive that I can feel it. I tell him all the time. I'm like, what are you on right now? Because I'm blowjob it is, you know?

Well, is it the same that if like... I was going to say, if it... I mean, if you swallow, yeah. But it's not shooting into you, is what... You know what I'm saying? Yeah, because you can't spit that out. I'm a spitter. I'm spitting right now. I mean, I'll swallow every now and then, but right now my body's too sensitive. I'm a hawk to a... In the fucking spittoon can right next to my bed. Don't tell me you fucking swallow every time. No, no. I just like...

I'm like, come on. Here we are. Listen, when you've been married for 10 years, you earn the right to spit. Okay. Fucking I have swallowed it. I've swallowed enough loads back on them. No. Well, I mean, it just depends. It depends. It might go back on. It's while you're doing it, you know? Okay. You use it as lubrication type. Okay. Yeah. What do you do? You just take a load to the face. No, I swallow.

You're just a graveyard of dead babies. Yeah. I guess. You're just a graveyard of dead babies. Aren't we all?

Oh my god. Okay. Yeah, so that was a pretty gross one. What do you guys got for me? I got one. Let me hear. This is also anonymous in the DMs. Have you guys heard of LAL? LAL is laser-assisted lipo, and the results from LAL are incredible. I've been looking at before and afters from Sona Bello, and these women look incredible. LAL.

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So, I dated a guy in college. I was at his place and I had to take a shit. I go in, do my thing, and there is a plastic knife on the end of a string hanging on the side of the toilet. What the fuck? I finish up. I come out and I ask the guy, what's up with that fucking weirdly placed knife? His roommate...

His roommate takes shit so big he has to chop them into smaller poops. I'm jealous. She goes, he's a poo chef. Okay, first of all, what is this man's diet? I need it. I'm jealous. But they use the same knife over and over. I mean, there's so many questions I have.

How do you discover that you need to chop your turds? What toilet doesn't... I guess it kept getting stuck. What is he eating? Is it solid? Like, it just won't break in half when you flush? I guess so. Just giant logs, and he has to cut them into smaller poops. Timber. But, like, also... Jaime, why did you disagree with that? Yep. I mean, I've never had that issue, but I have heard men talk about...

They call it a big fish. Stop. When it doesn't flush and it kind of S's halfway into the water, halfway out of the water. Yeah, you got to chop it up. Have you chopped up your poop? I wish I could have one come out of the water. I didn't even know this was a plant. Have you had one come out of the water? I had a colonoscopy. Jealous.

What'd you have a colonoscopy for? I got precancerous cells. Oh, I never knew that. When? How long ago? Like two years ago. And it makes you have a big shit? Well, the colonoscopy literally empties your body to the point that there is nothing, not even water left in your body. So like you go through this cleanse for 24 hours prior to it. Yeah. And you have to like drink these like big things and it literally will empty everything.

and we should all get colonoscopies where do we get that mixture is that the one that gets like the hard poop that's like stuck up in you no does it hurt you literally have nothing left does it good what it is though does it hurt i'll lose 10 pounds you're like shitting for 12 hours straight

let's do it let's do it i couldn't leave the house i love you literally have to take a whole day off before and then like you shit all the way up until you get there like you're still shitting water because like whatever you're drinking is literally sliding right through you and coming out how do you not die from like dehydration well you're like it's combined with like shit ton of gatorade i mean you are chugging gatorade with it and you only can have a certain color because you can't have like

any dyes in your diet during that. Oh my gosh. You go have the colonoscopy. And so it made you shit a fucking behemoth? Yeah. It literally pushed everything out of me. Oh my gosh. So are we good on the precancerous cells? I just have to keep going. I was supposed to get a checkup this year. I haven't gone. I still gotta go. I didn't

what the fuck is wrong with you i'm gonna go stay on top of this shit man i see how weird your friend is over here i'm trying to get my liver fucking levels listen ladies not to take this away not to take this away no not liver fucking uh what is it uh iron i'm trying to get my iron levels fucking iron out not to take this away from you mimi but let's make it about me really quick um

Just got my blood work done. Ladies, please go get your ferritin levels checked. Your what? Your ferritin levels. I am a certified real vampire now. Your ferritin level is supposed to be at 100. That's your iron storage. So you have an iron that's in your body, and then you have iron storage. So if that iron that's in your body gets depleted, it counts on these reserves. Your iron storage is supposed to be 100. Mine is at an 8. Okay.

- The fuck? - Yes. So many women do not know to get their ferritin levels checked. Do not just get your iron levels checked. Request. Say, "I want to know my ferritin levels. You need to do that and you need to do that." It is so important because there's so many things that affect the body with that. You guys wonder why I've been freezing all the time? - Literally, I was gonna say, you're so cold now.

the time i know my husband is like i literally lived in a meat locker with you for eight years and now all of a sudden he's like it's i can't breathe i've never seen you put the heat on now ever and it's just because i don't have any fucking my iron's low i'm literally anemic right now yeah i was gonna say your iron is depleted too so now it's like gone into the reserve no not yet so my iron's not depleted my iron is at 108 right now which isn't bad but i mean

That can change with anything. But you don't have a reserve. I don't have a reserve. So I'm trying to get that up. So I'm starting to take like liver organs and stuff like that because I don't want to take iron supplements make me sick. I can't take them. I also got the Mary Ruth's. I haven't tried it yet. I'll let you guys know. Not sponsored. Just saying. I've seen really good reviews about it. Yeah. They have another thing called like I think it's like mega food or something like that that you can buy off Amazon and it's got great reviews but I can't take it because it has fucking brown rice in it. Oh no.

Yeah, so I have to do the fucking the liver organ organ meats thing and I just took my first one yesterday Tasha took one too. It made me I took like this much it made me so fucking hot I was like had to take my shirt off while I was working out and stuff like yeah, what does it do? It's well, so what happens when your your iron levels are low in your body? It's you don't have good circulation so

when you're feeding and i've been eating out of cast iron again which i've never done ever so when you're feeding your body iron you're getting circulation back and your body's like holy shit and i'm working out so i was like sweating and like it was crazy it was a different thing please go get that checked and please get your pre-cancerous things checked because yeah i gotta take a couple days off and go shit my brains out please do it because i'll do it together oh we should all get colonoscopies i would like just the drink i don't want anybody going up my butthole

whole camera up there ah does it hurt did i put you to sleep i'm asleep okay yeah you're you complete anesthesia yeah does it hurt when you wake up like is your ass hurting no

i love being put to sleep so i'll do it it scares me that's crazy if you have like polyps in there they cut them off like they had found a couple pull-ups and then they sent them off for testing my grandpa just had yeah i haven't gotten a facelift because i'm scared to go under it scares me so much i don't need one it's that's the closest thing to death

literally you're literally fucking peaceful the best sleep i've ever gotten i could probably do my own anesthesia i've been put under so many times in my life starting at like kindergarten was my first surgery damn same same kindergarten was my first first surgery yeah that's crazy i have an update guys okay grandma with parkinson's

I have an update. No fucking way. I have an update. Oh my God. She said, I heard you. I heard you. Okay. Okay. I realized I made it short and simple without too much. Yeah. So his dad is not married. He is single. My boyfriend and I were out at a holiday work party while we were gone. My partner's dad was over at his grandma's house.

I walked in and knocked on the door, but it was locked. So I walked away and took the dog outside. So it's his grandma? She said his, but I think that was a mistype. Because the last story I read, it was like... He's walking off his own grandma? No, so I think that was a mistype. Shit! And the thunder rolls and lightning strikes. She said she took the dog for a walk.

And as I was walking by her back door bedroom, she was whacking him off. She is 90% all there all the time and fully knew what she was doing. All right. Okay. But I have a question. What about the 10%?

Yeah. Does she, does she have episodes? Was that an episode? She said, I have no idea if that was the first time or one of many. How do you know she's fully knows what she's doing though?

That's what she said. She's 90% of the time fully there. Right. She said, I have not told a single soul because I know that either one, no one would believe me. Oh, we believe you. And I adore his family and I could never hurt them in that way. You would make up. Yeah. You don't make that up. Um, so he is married.

He's not. Oh, he's single. Yeah. He's single. He's not married. Okay. I guess as long as they're not related, is grandma married? Grandma widow? What's happening? No, I don't think she's married. No. Well, then I guess they're not doing anything wrong to each their own. Yeah. I can't knock it. So like, as long as it wasn't, let me go back. As long as it's consensual. As long as it's not my grandma, I'm good. Listen, man, if you're fucking 90s,

If you're fucking 95 and you're still able to get somebody's dick hard, go fucking for it, granny.

Behind the bright lights and adrenaline of pro sports is an equally exciting world of negotiations and deal-making. That's what we cover each week on our podcast, The Deal. I'm Alex Rodriguez, former baseball player turned business executive. And I'm Jason Kelly, chief correspondent for Bloomberg Originals. Over the next couple months, we'll hear from all-stars like Jay Williams. I want to be an owner one day. Billie Jean King. Learn the business. And so many more. Listen to The Deal wherever you get your podcasts.

I want to make sure that this wasn't his mom. I actually aim to be that grandma. Okay. Wack it off, younger dudes. Okay. I saw my boyfriend's dad getting a handjob from my man's grandma. Boyfriend's dad, man's grandma. Is that his mom? His dad's mother-in-law.

Dad's mother-in-law. Okay, so they're not related. No. Okay. Is it in-law? I bet you they, I'm just speculating. I feel like they banged when they were younger. God, maybe. Ew. I feel like this wasn't a one-time incident. Yeah, no, definitely not. Definitely not. This isn't the first time, honey. Nope, definitely not. They probably had a hot mother-in-law when they first got together or something. Maybe they're like soulmates and they just can't be together because they're just born in two different timelines. Yeah.

I'm trying to look at it in a romantic way, okay? You know, I'm not trying to judge. I'm not judging. So anyways, this Friday, what are we doing, guys? Vision fucking boards. Vision boards, baby. You know what I love is that we started this tradition years ago. I've been making vision boards for my entire adulthood pretty much, but I got

I got to share it with my friends. And at first they were not excited about it. They didn't know what to expect. They didn't love it. They thought I was weird. And now years later, we, they actually asked me, Hey, I said, yeah, she's like, Hey, when are we going to make a vision board? So of course, you know, you guys will document it for you, for you and tell you guys how we do it. But if you guys want to make a vision board at home, this is what we do. I'm just going to give you like a quick rundown, but then you can also watch the video that I post on Tik TOK. Um,

All I do for a vision board, some people write it down, some people put it in a journal, some people put it in their phone. I like to do it the old school way. I get poster board, I'll buy magazines and I cut out what I want and I put it all on the front and then on the back I write out my goals for that year. It's super simple and then you hide it in a closet or you can keep it out and keep it in front of you so that you're always reminded about it and you just pretty much

Put it in the air because your tongue is a wand and words are spells. And I swear. Yeah. Don't do that. That's sick. And you just do. She did the old grandpa fucking tongue action, dude. Yeah. Yeah. It was sick. Oh, yeah. I'm excited. I'm so excited. You have no idea. So Friday at three, we're doing vision. I text everyone. I know where mine is.

So you do? I do too. I was looking over mine yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. I lost mine. I gotta go look for it. I had to move between the two. I did too. You're the fucking worst. I did too and I packed it in its own bag. I have a whole family. Whatever. Anyways. Ladies and gentlemen, go make your fucking vision boards this year because 2025 is your year to just manifest, baby. It's a manifesto type of year. It's been five years since COVID, guys.

Okay. All right. And on that note, we're going to want, want, want. That was a womp. That was a womp. Where did that come from? I just realized 25, 2020. Okay. You know, it's great. I went in quarantine 24. Now you're almost 30. That's I'll be 30 next. I love it. I'm telling you, getting older is fun.

Getting older is fun. 30, flirty. I was so scared of 30s. 30s are so much cooler than 20s. Wait till you hit your 40s, ladies. You won't give a shit about anything. It's so nice. Oh, it is great. It's like being in your 20s, but responsible and having money. I didn't have a lot of money until I was almost 40. So here we are. I'm living my best life now, though, babies. All right. We're out of here. Love you guys. Bye.