S1 EP6. Why Am I Single?
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Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice. I am your host, Allie Yost, and I am so grateful to be back with you guys. Happy Friday, everybody. I am just so stoked about today's episode because I

I do feel like this episode is going to be something that a lot of us can relate to, whether it is a season that you used to feel like you were in, whether it's a season you're in right now. But let's talk about it because I do believe that it can be hard to keep your faith in a season like this. So let's talk about singleness.

And what that can look like walking in your faith and keeping faith in the greater plan and knowing that God has our back, right? Because I know that it can be really hard to keep that faith. I think at least most of us would want at the end of the day is to feel loved and to give love and to ultimately be in a relationship, a healthy and happy relationship that is centered in God and to

Honestly, sometimes it's hard. I think it's really hard for our generation as well because there are just so many temptations. There are so many more temptations that I do believe that our generation

you know, generation is now experiencing with social media and stuff that even our parents and grandparents never had to, you know, face. I think social media has made it a lot harder for people to stay faithful because there are just too many things at our fingertips.

And I think in a lot of ways, it's probably been really discouraging for us who have stayed faithful and truly just want like a healthy relationship. It's discouraging, you know, to see how many people, you see all these stats. Like, I think I was I was on the phone with my parents the other day and they were like, you know, Ali, I'm like, how is this supposed to encourage me, you guys?

But they were like, you know, Allie, it says that, you know, men starting at the age of, I don't even know, like 19 years old to like,

29 or something 60% of them are single and it's not necessarily that it's because they can't help that they're single it's like they don't they don't want to be in relationships like they want to be single 60% more than half of the men in our generation are single and they're content with that it really is a little scary and I think we can all relate and say that

that it is hard to keep our faith. So what I'm doing today is I'm shedding light to singleness because I am actively speaking from a perspective of singleness.

I am single. I've been single. And I think any time that I've gone through in my life, whether it was singleness or whether I was in a relationship that was really unhealthy and I wasn't happy in, I always found myself asking God, like, why can't I just find someone and be happy? Like, why can't I just be in a healthy relationship?

And honestly, I will just speak for myself right now. I think the biggest thing that God is teaching me is how to rely on him and only him. I was so quick to ask God for this man that I need in my life, but I wouldn't be quick to strengthening my relationship with him.

As in God, like I wouldn't be quick to relying on him and feeling fulfilled with him, you know? And I think sometimes God puts us in these waiting periods to show us that the love that we're lacking in others, we can get in him and so much more and then some, you know? And I think that obviously I'm in a season in my life now where I'm finally like,

experiencing that and I do find myself being more and more content with being single because of how full my cup is in him and that was something that I never did before.

And so, at least for me, I just feel like God has been teaching me a serious lesson in relying on him first, seeking validation from God first, seeking love from God first. Like everything that we want in a romantic relationship is

can happen and can be fulfilled. But at the end of the day, we are all humans and people are going to disappoint you. People are not going to show up for you every single time. And I think that is the biggest lesson that God teaches us in our seasons of loneliness is like,

I can fulfill everything you need emotionally, spiritually. Like I can fill all those cups for you and even more, like more than you could ever imagine. And I want you to see that first before relying on another human to fill all those cups. Another perspective that I think is really important to remember, and I feel like I'm kind of pulling this from my daily devotional that I've been doing. I have two daily devotionals.

One is just like a personal one and one is Prayers for My Future Husband. It's a 90-day devotional and I got it off Amazon. It's linked on my Instagram under my links highlight. It's also linked on my Amazon storefront if you would like to look at it or try it. It's incredible. It's incredible. Actually, honestly, the first portion of it is all very reflective. Like you're really reflecting on like yourself and

and what you can bring to the table in a marriage. And then now I'm in the part where I'm like genuinely actually also praying for my husband. It's actually so incredible. I would encourage anybody to read it. I don't even think you necessarily have to be single. I think that this is something that's so valuable even if you are newly married, engaged, single like me. Like I really think anyone could read it. It's so good that it is unrealistic.

And honestly, not healthy to put all the weight of your expectations and all the weight of like all these cups that you need filled to put on your partner. Like, obviously, we look to our partners to fill our cups.

But at the end of the day, who can truly fill all of our cups when it comes to our self-worth, reassurance, love, value, all of those things we have to find in God first. Because naturally, your husband or your wife is a human. And if we rely on them and only them,

Is this making sense, y'all? If we rely on them and only them, that truly is just also not fair for them. A lot of us could be feeling this season of singleness because God is truly growing us.

to rely on him first so that even when we do get into these relationships and these marriages that mindset is so solid that we can have a healthy marriage with somebody and we don't put all of those expectations and weight on their shoulders you know the other thing that i want to say is this is also coming from experience i have found so many blessings in being single being single is actually such a blessing

And I know that we can sit here and we can groan and feel envious of other people who are in happy relationships. Trust me, I find myself doing that often too. I'm not perfect, but I really do believe that there are so many blessings in singleness that we are just not paying attention to. Like we are paying attention way too much in the things that we don't have. So I saw this little snippet of a podcast episode that Maddie Pru was on and, um,

I saw this because she posted this small clip from it on her Instagram, right? So I'm scrolling on Instagram and I see her reel. I click on it. I end up watching it. And the entire message was just so powerful that it stuck with me ever since. And she shared that she was speaking with a mentor and

who was telling her at the time when she was single, that there is so much power in your season of singleness. And at the time she was like, okay, well, that's easy for you to say because, you know, this mentor that she was speaking to was married and had kids. But the more that she really thought about it and she felt God speaking to her, she mentioned that while she kind of had this moment where she felt God speaking to her, it was while she was reading 1 Corinthians 7. It is when Paul is saying that the unmarried have unmarried

undivided devotion to Jesus. If you really think about it, that is so beautiful. Like this is the time in our lives where we truly, aside from work, aside from personal obligations, you know, but like we truly have all the time.

to give Jesus our undivided attention. We can grow our relationship with him. Rather than if we were married and we had a husband and we had kids to tend to, like there's gonna be less opportunity and less flexibility, less opportunity to give God our undivided attention. And I was like, she's so right. Like that is so right. And I do believe that if we are in a season of singleness,

We truly have all the time to make the most of it and like fulfill whatever it is that your heart desires. Root yourself deeper in Jesus. Spend time with him. Now, the other half of this that I want to touch on is how to keep faith in God forever.

through the singleness. Like, I really think that that is the biggest thing that we obviously struggle with is like keeping our faith and trusting God because obviously I've said this many times, but we all have a timeline in our heads of where we think we're supposed to be. And I'm sitting here as a full 28 year old

single, no children, no boyfriend, not even a boyfriend, no husband. Like I would have fully expected that I'd be married by now, 100%. And how many of my, I'm speaking for a lot of us. I'm sure you are sitting at an age where you're even older than you thought you would be when you mapped it out in your head at the age of 15 years old. Then you were like, I'm going to be married. I'm going to be engaged. I'm gonna have children by this age. I'm going to,

You know, and it's just, that's just not our plan. And what's that say? I don't know. I've heard this before. It was like, if you want to tell God a funny joke, tell him your plan. Like we can think that we know what we need.

But at the end of the day, God knows. He knows best. We also need to remember that he is not just a God of our own lives, but he is like the God that created the universe and the stars in the sky and the mountains. And he is a God of such creation that you don't think that he's already got it mapped out and perfectly aligned in your life to meet your partner.

Now that's just silly. Like, can we just all remember who he is? I really do believe that God, and we've all heard this, but I believe that he will give us what we need when we least expect it and when we're no longer looking for it. Like, when you are so steadfast and

and so like eyes on the prize on Jesus and you are strengthening your relationship with him. You're going to church, you're joining groups, you have hobbies, you're reading books, you're educating yourself, you're exercising, you are eating good. Like you are truly just investing in you. You're gonna be so invested in yourself

That you're not going to forget, but like it's not going to be on the forefront of your mind to find your husband. He's going to drop into your life out of nowhere. You're going to be so busy working on yourself that you're going to go, oh, oh my gosh, wait a minute.

This is like happening. And can I just also remind y'all that God does want you to be happy? Can I remind you that? I know that it doesn't feel it sometimes, but my gosh, he is a loving God. He is a loving father and he wants you to be happy. He wants you to have that fairy tale love like butterflies in your stomach, obsessed in love, head over heels. He wants that for you. But it's just a matter of staying obedient to him.

saying, okay, God, you're right. You got it. I'm done. I'm done being a control freak. I am done acting like I know what's best for me. It's way more painful to put all of these expectations on my life just to be disappointed.

God, I'm giving it to you. I am giving it to you. You know what you're doing. I'm going to focus on myself. I'm going to do my calling. I'm going to follow this path that you have me down. I'm confused. I don't know where it's going, but I'm going to do it because you're God and I trust you and I know you love me. And I know that that's easier said than done, but that's what I'm going to remind you guys of Jeremiah 29 11. Oh my gosh. Am I quoting scripture? Is she memorizing scripture? Uh,

No, I'm not actually. That has been hung in my room for years. I think my mom bought me that and it's been in my room. But I do love it and I agree with it regardless, okay? And as a reminder, for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. He literally promises us over and over again in the Bible that

He's going to prosper us and give us a future. He wants happiness for you. And the thing that God has shown us over and over again in our lives and even in other people's lives is he always keeps his promises and he always comes through. Even when it feels like he's late, even when it feels like we've been waiting years or we have waited years, he is not late.

And that does not mean that it is too late. You know, I was just having a conversation with one of my girlfriends earlier today where we were talking about singleness. And she asked me, she was like, how have you been feeling, by the way? Like, how are you doing? You know, because I had my hopes up for a couple guys and, you know, it just doesn't work out. They don't come through. They ghost. They whatever else.

And I was like, you know what? I found so much peace in it. Like I really have, you know, and I kind of told her like everything I told you guys where it's like there's such a blessing in singleness. And, you know, we have so much time to just devote our entire selves to God and like the things that we're called to do and like just just.

better ourselves and flourish and grow and you know what she's like I don't I want whoever my person to be I want to be so close to God I want to be so close to Jesus that the only way he can find me is through him like the only way that my man can find me is through God and I was like yup you better preach it sister yup

She's like, I don't want to grow further away from God to find him. I want my husband to find me. And the only place he finds me is through Jesus. And honestly, I really believe that that is God's strategy for all of us. Another like POV that my mom has always told me, you have no idea where your partner is at in their life right now. Like you may feel like you are ready. You're, you're

full-rounded human you know you've got all of your morals in in check and you have this great strong relationship with God and you're independent and you're stable financially and you know you're providing and you're a great friend and you're a great neighbor and whatever right like you're like I'm

ready. I'm freaking ready. Hello? You have no idea where your partner is at right now, though. Who's to say that your future husband still has some things that he needs to work on with God and grow in before he can come into the relationship and give you the type of husband you deserve? Come on. No, my mom's right, though. My mom is right. I was like,

You know what? Maybe it's not all about us. Maybe it's not all about you. And it also could be all about God preparing your person to also be the best version of themselves coming into this relationship. I'm not saying a perfect version, but the version that you deserve and the version that

that will survive this relationship. Like, because ultimately a marriage is also a lot of work. And I think that God knows that. And we all know that and acknowledge that, that marriage is hard and you're going to go through seasons and you're going to go through hardships. You're going to go through pain. You're going to go through grief and you're going to have to navigate that together. And if you don't come into the relationship with a solid foundation in God, then

and a solid foundation of, you know, just pure support and love for each other, it's going to be really hard for that relationship to last. So as much as we want to just rush into everything, you have no idea how God could be still preparing your future spouse for you. And again, I know that we like to think that we're like ready for that right now, but you really just actually don't know. You don't know how ready you are.

I thought I was ready to be married, like literally, like I said, I don't know, two, three years ago. And now that I've seen what God has done for me and the journey that I have gone through and the growth that I have made as an individual, even in the past year, even six months. Okay. I look back on a version of the, even back in April and I'm like, I'm

So different like the Holy Spirit has been working on me all but that version of me really thought I was ready for a serious relationship And if I'm being honest with myself and I'm being honest with her knowing who she was and knowing who I am now I was not ready. I was not ready to be in a serious relationship I think that I was in a place where if I had gotten into a serious relationship I would not have prioritized God my roots were not deep in him enough and

I was not grounded enough in God. I probably would have dropped Jesus like a hot potato the minute I met a man, which is terrible, which is terrible. And also, Allie's not mature yet. We're not giving her her husband yet because if she's just so easy to forget about her faith and start hyper-focusing on a man, she's not ready. I want my faith, no matter what, in my relationship with Jesus to always come first.

And I do believe that that is the lesson that God is teaching all of us. I'm not saying that you guys aren't deep in your faith. You know, I don't know where your walk is in your faith with God. But I do believe that we can always grow deeper in him. There are blessings in the waiting. There's another Bible verse that I loved.

while I was reading Matthew. I've told you guys how much I love the book of Matthew. I lit that up in highlighter, but this has stuck with me ever since I read it. It is Matthew 634 and it reads, therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own. And I do believe that that is obviously a verse that could apply to most of our worries and emotions. Just worrying about the future in general is

And I think it is such an important verse to remember because just like Jeremiah 29 11, it is God reminding us that he's got it. He's got it. He has everything under control and he truly, truly loves us so much and so deeply that he wants us to embrace the day that we're living right now. There is such a blessing in the now.

And there is nothing that the enemy would love more than for you to not embrace it and enjoy it for what it is. He wants to waste your life because he knows that there is joy on the other side of worry and anxiety. There is peace on the other side of anxiety and worry. And he does not want you to experience that. He doesn't want you to live in the moment.

If he can take your now away from you and rob your today from you through anxiety and worrying about the what-ifs and the things that haven't happened yet, he'll do it. Oh, he'll do it. And we are all guilty of allowing him to do that. We are all guilty of wasting our time on worrying about the things that haven't even happened.

worrying about whether we're ever going to meet our person one day. So also just, I want you guys to keep the perspective of like, don't let the devil win. Don't let him take your today. And as much as we like to think 10, 15 years into the future, even next week, whatever, it really does take away the experience of your life right now. If I'm speaking to some single ladies in this episode, I'm speaking to myself, I'm preaching to all of us.

But let's truly just embrace the season that God has us in right now and trust that he is taking care of us. He has us by our right hand. He's holding our hands through it. You're going to have those things one day. You're going to have a family. You're going to have a spouse. You're going to have all the things that you dream of, whether it's the picket fence or

Whatever, girly. Whatever it is that you want, you're going to have because God blesses the righteous. God will make sure that you get everything that you want in your life.

As long as you stay faithful to him and obedient to him. That is literally the only exchange he wants. He wants your heart. He wants your faith. And he wants your loyalty. I've said it before, but like, that's it. That's it. That's all he wants. And he will make sure that everything good comes into your life. This might also be a test of your faith and your patience in him. And then we can all use that Spongebob audio on TikTok. Y'all know the one I'm talking about.

I just used it the other day because I was like, I was like, I can't wait until the day that I can actually, I said, what did I say? I said, the same day I get engaged is the same day I can finally use this audio and do the trend with the rest of y'all. Like, I just want to do the trend with the rest of you guys because there's this trend. Let me just get it. Where is it? I just want to do that. I just

with the rock on my finger. But y'all, we'll all be there. We'll get to it when God has it ready for us. How about that? So we're keeping the faith. Hey, I love you guys. I hope that this was encouraging. And thank you for tuning in for another episode of Christ with Coffee on Ice.

This podcast has been blowing my mind. It has been exploding. I am speaking from a version of an alley where actually we haven't even gone live yet. So I can't even imagine by the time this episode goes live where we're even at with numbers. But like y'all, we haven't even officially launched the podcast yet.

And it's insane. The feedback, the numbers, like nuts. I hope you guys have a blessed weekend and a blessed rest of your week until the next time we talk. But until then, I love you guys. I'll see you next time.

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