49: The Christmas Cryptid Grab Bag | Red Thread
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- Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! It's the time for good tidings and season jolly. And what better way than to sit around with my Red Thread family and, you know, share in the festivities and, oh my God, what is that? What is that noise? Oh my God, it couldn't be! It's the Grinch! - I was gonna do a lot of theatrics, but we've been here before. Come on, let's go. - I'll swap seats, I'll swap seats. For violence, Grinch.

I'm a violent man. No, you're not a man at all, in fact. You're a Grinch. You moron. Very mean.

Hello, welcome to Red Thread Holiday Edition. I'm joined here by my Real Boys co-host, co-anchor, The Grinch. He's the one that does all of the Real Boys episodes with me. Caleb and Isaiah are not here today. They're still... I indisposed of them. Yeah, you got rid of them because you love the attention. Grinch. Yes. Very Grinchy of you. This week...

We are taking a look at Christmas Cryptids.

A Christmas cryptid grab bag episode. We're going to go down memory lane to the time when myself, Santa, and the Grinch here were kicking it back old school. Talking about our contemporary colleagues. Yes, yes. The ones that don't get much attention these days, unlike us. I'm somewhat of an expert. I don't know if the Grinch is even like a cryptid, really. You're just like a Dr. Seuss creation. I am a force of nature. Yes. You can take off the mask now, Grinch. It's my real face. Okay. Okay.

What's the real mask? My face or the mask? Just take the mask off, please. That was fucking hot. It is so hot. Americans. Intern. There's no one there.

Yeah, it's hot here in Australia and it feels awful to be in these suits. Yeah. So we need to get moving. This is still a holiday episode. We're on holiday where I'm in Japan right now enjoying myself when this comes out. So we pre-recorded these December 15th. Both Isaiah and Caleb aren't here because they're on holidays as well. But I still wanted to get episodes out for you guys. So that's why we're doing this grab bag episode of Cryptid Stuff. And hey, what better time, eh? Yeah. So Cryptid Stuff.

Christmas, hot chocolate, mistletoe, prawns and the beach, if you're Australian, anyway, and a half-goat, half-demon monster creature. Christmas is filled with cryptids as it has a rich religious and cultural background. Of course it does. Everyone loves Christmas.

These cryptids draw a lot of influence from paganism and Greek mythology leading to a myriad of different appearances and stories attached to them. Most are used to warn and teach children to be on their best behavior throughout the year or they may face the consequences of these terrifying creatures. Were you ever told any stories growing up about like Christmas creatures taking you away? All I got was like the naughty list. The naughty list. I got the naughty list. I got told...

You know what? No, actually, I got told that I would be dragged away by the reindeer one time. That doesn't sound like... That just sounds like a threat. No, I think that was just my dad being like, fuck off. Okay. Yeah, like, I know, like, in the early, you know...

Early times of humanity, it was used to intimidate children into behaving. Being a good little boy. Yeah, but I never got shit like that. I never got told that there was a monster down the street who would take me away at any given time. No, because I feel like that would just give children anxiety. It's just not really... Children are just weaker today. Yeah. The threat of Krampus. It's too much for them. Way too much. Way too terrifying.

Yeah, so just the naughty list. Like if you're naughty, you will get no presents. That's how materialistic we've become. Yeah, I got told if I was naughty, I wouldn't get anything. Any presents. Which is funny because like you go back to old times and they're told if you misbehave, you'll literally be killed and your whole family will be killed and everything. Your whole village will be killed if you go outside. Yeah, the whole village will be haunted for the rest of your days. Something absolutely terrifying and horrible. Meanwhile... The wheat won't grow and the woods will be haunted. And meanwhile, us...

Us living in the golden age are told you won't get a new PlayStation for Christmas. But mommy, I want to play Fortnite. Yeah. How horrible. So having been around for a long time, many of these stories have had significant impact on pop culture showing just how popular and widespread these cryptids are. So let's sit around the fireplace. Editor put a fireplace picture there or something. Get into the Christmas spirit and begin with possibly the most popular Christmas story.

Who could it be? Who is it? It's the Grinch from Dr. Seuss. Fuck. The mask is gone. The mask is gone. No, it's Krampus. Of course it's Krampus. Is Krampus the most popular? Yeah, it is. Absolutely. Like in terms of historical stories and shit. Yeah. Yeah, okay. He's got the longest history behind him. He's been working hard for a long time. Yeah, that little fucking devil. And he's an important character to both you and I.

Because we, it goes way back three weeks ago. Three weeks ago. When we went and saw. God, what a different time. Red one with The Rock and Krampus. Krampus was in there. Yeah. And when he, Krampus came on screen, I knew. I knew what I wanted to do this Christmas for a red thread. I was like, we got to do a deep dive on this guy. Krampus schlapt. We got to figure out what his whole deal is. So, Krampus, do you want to take it? Yeah. Well, I'd love Krampus to take me. All my kids, they're annoying.

So when you think of Christmas cryptids, the one that usually comes to mind is Krampus. Krampus usually appears as a giant bipedal goat man who has black or brown fur and a long ox tail with long pointed ears and goat horns. He's really got like a little bit of every cryptid going on him, doesn't he? I feel like that's a common trait in cryptids is like they're an amalgamation of a bunch of other cryptids or creatures. Yeah. Like the most horrifying thing to the human idea.

of like other creatures is if you combine them all. I think it's awesome. Nothing's really changed. We've got SCP now where someone will read someone else's and be like, yeah, but what if we just add on this? Yeah. What if we just combine them? Then it's twice as scary, right? Yeah. I mean, the Greeks had, was it the Greeks with like the chimera? Yeah. Chimera. Yeah. Yeah. Which is like snake tail, lion head, shit like that. Yeah.

He's also shown, often, with an exaggerated long blood-red tongue that extends past its chin. That is fucking long. That is scary. Yeah. It's hooked, too. It's got like a pointy hook in this depiction. Yeah, the picture I'm looking at there, it's like...

A scythe. Jesus, that's a terrifying picture. We're going to put this up on screen, but for audio listeners, it's Krampus bending over a small child with a blue sailor's outfit on. There's a good little girl hanging out eating fruit, but then he's abducting the little boy and shoving him into a wicker basket. Yeah, what are the chains there? The kids. Oh, yeah. There's prison chains below him. Yeah. Terrifying picture. He's quite the looker.

Well, yeah, in this one he's got a goatee or a beard as he usually does and he sometimes has snake-like yellow eyes and sharp claws are featured on his hands and feet or hooves. I know he's normally, so the defining feat is that he has one black goat's hoof and then a malformed human leg foot. Yeah, we see that in the depiction again. Yeah.

It's one's like a hoof. Well, look, we've got an explanation for this photo. Krampus is said to carry chains with bells that he constantly rattles to unsettle and instill fear in whoever hears it. That'd work. Yeah, that would work for me. If he was cracking a whip like Indiana Jones every now and then. Boy, that'd be good. He also carries branches or a whip used to hit naughty children. And if they were particularly bad, he had a sack or basket over his shoulder. He would carry them away and wear two.

Krampusland? Krampusland. Yeah, fair enough. I know he was like a traditionally a birch, like a white birch tree, like stick that he just hit kids with. Why was it white? Like a white birch tree? Just what was available at the time? I'd assume so. I'm not really sure the specifics of that. Yeah, so he just hit kids with trees. Yeah, I mean, like I was telling you before, all I knew about Krampus is that he exists because having Saint Nick, well, the...

the popular thing is having him follow Saint Nick around because Saint Nick can't beat the kids. He's too nice. He's a saint. Yeah. So the whole idea is like Saint Nicholas or me, Santa Claus is the good guy. And then good cop, bad cop. Cramp. Yeah, exactly. Krampus goes around delivering sweet justice with those whips and good cop, cannibal cop. Yeah. I'm going to need to pull down my mustache here to have a little bit of a drink.

Depending on the source, Krampus is known to take the children away to kill them, eat them, or take them to hell. What? Does he have like a contract with Satan? Yeah, he's a contracted worker. He's a contractor. Fuck it, Al. He must be expensive. Is it the same hell? Is there only one hell? How many hells are there? Does Krampus have his own hell? He's contracted out to Satan, Asmodeus, Baphomet.

Yeah, so on Christmas Eve or on Saint Nicholas Day, he'll just take them to hell. Oh, so it's like, only those days are the days where he can take them to hell. Those are his, yeah, it's like he's looking after hell those days while Satan's on vacation. Krampus is described as the complete antithesis of Santa, even sometimes called the "Auntie Santa". That's "Auntie", not "Auntie", like middle-aged wino mum Santa. Yeah.

Crown place has its root in many different cultures, even inspired by many different creatures throughout history. Also the, oh yeah, I know about these, the Perkton, Straggle, Satyrs, and fauns of Greek and Roman mythology. I know the last two. Do you know what the Perkton and Straggly are? So those are sort of, uh,

Essentially similar things to Krampus, but Krampus ended up being like the most popular offshoot. They had their own little niches, but Krampus was the one that got most popular. Well, Satyrs and Thorns aren't necessarily... Well, Satyrs are kind of evil coded, but Thorns are meant to be like innocent, right? Yeah, those two are like similar for their depiction, whereas Perked and Straggly and Krampus are all like kind of same, different coins. Like antagonists? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, this has resulted through all his various versions in him having a variety of different depictions, stories, and rituals. But Jackson, if you want to take it away, we can dive into how Krampus came to be. When a mummy Krampus and a daddy Krampus love each other very much. The exact origins of Krampus are hard to nail down, but he is believed to have spawned

Just fucking appeared one day. Spawned in Central Europe. Yeah, in Central Europe. Particularly in the Alpine regions of Austria and Germany, with some influence in the surrounding areas, such as Hungary. What were they doing up there? That was so bad that they needed Krampus? Some, like, Warhammer 40k. They were just so depraved that it just spawned. Yeah, he's like, I have a job to do. You're all going to hell. I'm taking you down to hell. Self-employed. Yeah, I feel like what I was saying before, it was...

It was probably created to keep children in line and also keep them inside. Because those are all wintry places. It was so much easier back then when you live in a little wood hut and there are cold trees outside. You're like, just shut the fuck up and behave. All of the woods. Yeah, no, that's right. That's probably it. There's like...

Those white trees everywhere, whatever you said. So they're like, look, if you get in trouble, there's a guy coming and he's grabbing one of those tree branches and he's going to beat the shit out of you and then take you to hell. Yeah, I'd be pretty scared.

The name Krampus comes from the old high German. I expected it to say it comes from the old high elves. The old high elf word. Krampen. Comes from the old high German word krampen, meaning claw, reflecting his clawed beast-like appearance. Well, that's lame. Just claw? What are you, a superhero? It's like Scar from Lion King. Yeah. I mean, there's literally a Marvel supervillain named Claw, so maybe. Claw.

Krampus' roots go all the way back to pre-Christian traditions. And it is-- I can't imagine a time before Christians. Ode to be Roman. And it is thought to have its roots in pagan mythology and ancient winter solstice rituals. These celebrations focused a lot on surviving the harsh winters, and the solstice being the sun's return, bringing in longer days and warmer seasons. Makes sense.

That's basically what I was saying. Not a hard thing to pray for. Some saw Krampus as a symbol of darkness during the winter and rituals could have included banishing him in hopes of longer days and more light and aiming away misfortune. Some also saw Krampus as a guardian of order, making sure that people were moral and that there was social order during festivities.

Yeah, makes sense. Emphasizing that people reflect and behave as the new year approaches. Krampus as a figure is seen as part of the balance of opposites, darkness and light. What is this, Tolkien? This is like, this is some... There's mythology behind this. Yeah, so the balance, he's not behaving as the balance of opposites, darkness and light, death and rebirth, chaos and order. How? He is evil. We have Morgoth over here and then his counterpart is Santa. Yeah.

He is Santa's punishing counterpart, the other side of the scale. Okay, that makes sense. Krampus' depiction during this time was influenced a lot by various nature spirits and deities, and he draws influence from the Greek god Pan, who was the god of the wild shepherds and hunters, and is depicted as a half-man, half-goat with horns, similar to Krampus. We need to really move on from this design of just combining humans with, like, goats and horses and shit. So lazy.

So fucking lazy. You have some feedback notes for the ancient Germans? Yeah, come on Krampus makers, come up with something more interesting. What is it specifically about a goat? Well, there's a lot of them. Yeah, a lot of them just like readily available. Yeah. Think about it. Think about it. Like if you're a farmer in fucking old timey German, you probably only ever see horses, cows and goats. Why don't we have like... You would have no perception of what a lion even is. Why don't we have same like myths about cows?

They're everywhere. I'm sure they do exist. Like half cow. I know there's like cow skulls and stuff in like cowboy literature, but... I don't know. Where are my cow hauntings? Yeah. Cows are just seen as kind of like milk products. Are they like too big and docile to be seen as...

Whereas a goat is small. Goats are pretty scary sometimes. Small enough to be an aggressive enough. Goats are absolutely pretty scary sometimes. Yeah, I guess. I guess. All right. So when Christianity started to spread throughout Europe, the church wanted as many people to join as possible. So they went on a big recruitment spree. They were handing out flyers. They were performing lynchings. Town criers. And forcing people to subscribe to their religion. So they used a practice called syncretism.

syncretism, which is the merging of different religions and cultures into one. Folk traditions in rural areas in Europe were resilient to the church's policies, and since the church had less power in these areas, they allowed these traditions to be incorporated into Christianity. Doesn't that kind of like devalue the entire premise of religion? Like, we believe this thing is absolute, and this thing absolutely happened, that's our faith. And then someone comes along and goes, yeah, but this thing's cool. And then they're like,

This is now part of our religion and our belief. It's essentially saying like our God is all encompassing that like, yeah, you might believe in that thing and have a different name for it, but it is the same guy. It's the same principle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

This is why we see Krampus associated with Saint Nicholas and within Christianity. While not equated with the devil himself, his fur, horns, and chains mirror features of the devil in Christianity. Krampus would be reinterpreted in a Christian context, focusing on his punishing role aligned with Christian ideas of judgment and morality.

After Krampus started being associated with St. Nicholas, it makes it sound like he was hanging out with him after school or something. I want to know how he ended up being associated with St. Nicholas. Yeah. That's weird. Just naturally, I guess through what we were just talking about with Christianity. Yeah, but why St. Nick of all things? Yeah, I don't know.

That is where we start to see more traditions, rituals, and parades with Krampus starting approximately around the 16th century. The most famous being Krampusnacht. Krampusnacht. Meaning Krampus Night being held on the evening of December 5th. Damn, we just missed it. Fuck. During Krampus Night, people would dress as Krampus and or devilish figures roaming the streets of towns fitted with long fur coats, devilish masks, bells, and whips. Some parents would invite the people dressed up into their homes to scare their children. That's a horrible idea. That's a good job.

Yeah, just come into my home and terrify my children for me. Scare my kid, please.

Hoping that they would learn to be on their best behavior or face the consequences, as we've now discovered, is being hit by a branch. And sent to hell. Yeah, well, big difference between the two. The people who dress up also participate in parades while people watch on the sides. This tradition is still done to this day and you can find many recordings of it online. I've seen those recordings. They're really cool. Yeah, it does look pretty festive and cool. Dude, that's real white people culture. We don't have anything like that. What do you mean? In a

In Australia? Yeah. Nah. These celebrations became a fixed part of the country's holiday traditions and Krampus would continue to gain more popularity. In the 19th century, a new tradition would be introduced called Krampuslauf. Krampuslauf. Krampuslauf. Meaning Krampusrun. Krampusrun.

Krampuslaf is held on the same day as Krampusnot, and it is a parade that contains people dressed up as Krampus energetically running through the streets, scaring people. That sounds pretty fun. This just sounds like Fright Night or something. Yeah. The movie world Fright Night? Yeah, yeah. Like, just like a haunted house kind of thing. History is a circle.

And nowadays, this is accompanied by with blaring music, techno music, and dramatic effects like fire are being shown to everyone. This tradition also stands from older rituals where people would wear masks representing spirits and roam the streets during solstice celebrations. The integration of Krampus in this shows how well some people practice, how some pagan practices were able to be merged into Christianity. To this day, Krampus' love is still celebrated

mostly in Austria and Germany. So I guess Krampus has mostly always been like in that region. Yeah. So what happened that I'm aware of is that he was originally very discarded and intentionally pushed away. But as we read before, he was well held up by the local regions and they embraced him. And he ended up being the most popular out of all like the three or four different variations of him that ended up being there. And then I think something with like,

like pre-war or post-war as well. He served in the war? Yeah, I remember there was a certain government that took over in Germany that like really, I'm not saying the Nazis. I mean like specifically there was a... Like a type of, like labor or the liberals. There was like a party that took over that was extremely anti it. I think it was a Christian party that took over at some point in Germany and like basically banished all Krampus activities and worship. Why would they do that?

Because it wasn't Christianity. Well, it is, kind of. Like it's tied into Christian rituals. Yeah, I mean, well, it gets messy throughout the history. They just didn't perceive it as... Yeah, there's like different interpretations. And that's when the war started. Yeah, and then that's when the war started because one person believed and one person didn't in Krampus. Throughout the 1900s, Krampus began to show up in greeting cards shared through the holidays. To those who received it, the greeting cards were pretty frightening. These cards, called Krampuskarten...

would often include poems and greetings like, Jesus, Grube von Krampus. That was fluent German. Can you say it? I don't know how to pronounce that dialect. That's Grube von Krampus, I guess. Okay, so that means greetings from Krampus.

While varying in appearance, like having one human foot and one hoof, Krampus was often shown kidnapping and terrorizing young children, as you can see below. And yep, so this picture here is fucking horrifying. He's sitting on a rocking horse. You mean horrifying, they're having a good time together. No, look, that poor little girl's terrified. He stole her apples, he's got the fucking tree branches in his hand, and he's also like licking her head. It looks like a threatening little ride. I feel like Krampus should be on the sex offender registry, maybe. This next photo kind of looks like a manga. Yeah.

Like someone's drawn some anime of Krampus. What is this? Yeah, what is this? This is another greeting card of Krampus with some horns and he's chained up a few kids. And then he's a little barrel on the back is another little kid. But that one seems to be having a good time. Yeah. I think he's having fun. He's having fun. Well, no, if I zoom in, there's tears there, I see. I wish we got these kind of letters instead of just boring like flowers or whatever on the greeting cards. I'll send you one. Just like boring hallmark things. If we just got like Krampus stuff, that'd be sick.

Yeah. Did you say that? What, Krampus? No.

It had good reviews, apparently. Maybe we should go back and watch it. You should watch it. He's also appeared in Scooby-Doo, American Dad, Regular Show, and many more. Recently, he appeared in the 2024 film Red One, the best movie of the year. Starring The Rock and Chris Evans. But now, let's get into some more obscure. Obscure? Take me back. Christmas cryptids. What do we got next? What the fuck is that? Go for it. What is it? The Kali Kansaros. What the fuck is a Kali Kansaros?

I don't know, it looks cool. The... Oh, it's just a fucking... Goblin. Goat goblin again. It's a goblin. No, that looks like it has bat ears. Yeah, bat ears with a little... Yeah, he's wearing, like, swimming trunks. What is this, Greek? Uh...

Yeah, it's Greek. So the Kallikansaros are small humanoid goblin-like figures. I fucking love goblins. I hate goblins. Throughout all their depictions, goblins are hilarious. I love them. Goblin-like figures that are prominent in Greek folklore, though some versions of the Kallikansaros are described as more tall and grotesque, depending on the region or storyteller.

With hairy bodies, long tails, razor-sharp claws, and glowing red eyes, sometimes even hooves and horns, the Kali Kants are also known as troublemakers, causing chaos and playing tricks. I love troublemakers. In terms of cryptids, if they're just making trouble, they're great. They're good. If they're killing people and taking them to hell and hitting them with sticks, that's bad. Those are the big time. If they're just little goblin trolls, they just steal objects. This is why I like goblins. Yeah, they're cool. Steal a fork.

We're gonna find out that they fucking execute people. Yeah, probably. In some depictions, they're shown to carrying around an axe or a saw with them, adding to their frightening image. They tend to go around ruining food, stealing goods, extinguishing fires. How's that bad? That's good, isn't it? The Kali Khansa rogues are just misinterpreted to be evil because they put out horrible fires. They're the first firefighters. Yeah, what the fuck?

Forcing people to be cold and playing tricks on people at night. On rare occasions, they can act more maliciously and harm people if not warded off. We need a Kali Consource right now to force us to be cold. How do you ward them off?

Kick him. They're goblins. What are they going to do? Punt them? Yeah. Holy shit. I just don't find goblins intimidating. Like a rugby goal kick. Yeah, just straight through the posts. As much force as you can. Probably fucking kick his head off. Look at that short little neck that he's got. It's like a pencil neck. Jesus Christ. It's going to come straight off. He looks kind of inviting. He looks playful. The origins of the Calicanceros.

Let's see. Where could they possibly come from? Who would have come up with this? George Lucas. I wouldn't put it past him. Stories of these little bastards can be found in a variety of countries, including Greece, Turkey, Bulgaria, and many more. Yeah, that checks out. We will focus on its roots, though, here in Greece. I want to know what the Bulgarian version is. Just their neighbors. Yeah, it's probably way more intense. Yeah.

As that is where we get most of its lore from. According to legend, the Kali Kansaros live underground throughout the year, tirelessly soaring at the World Tree. That's not playful! That's not troublemaker! That sounds horrible! They soar through the World Tree, what happens? Does the world explode? Their goal being to destroy it and cause the Earth to collapse. That's way worse than just forcing us to be cold. What the fuck? And putting out fires. However, during the 12 days of Christmas,

From December 25th to January 6th, they emerge from the ground. Do you reckon we don't see them anymore because they try to emerge and then they end up clawing at road pavement? Yeah, they can't get out. They're trapped underground. There's a seven-lane highway above them. Which sounds bad because it gives them more time to collapse the world tree. They're stuck with the world tree. Yeah, fuck that.

Distracted by the human world, they began to cause chaos in this new upper world. While they were gone, the World Tree began to heal itself. A fruitless attempt, as once the Gully Canceros returned, they began to hack at it again, the cycle repeating. Oh my god. Do you think they came up and they caused the collapse of the World Trade Center? Because they got confused. They thought that was the World Tree. You reckon that was them? They saw the tallest building they could find. Bring it down! It's got the same name, kind of. Get rid of it. Oh, those troublemakers.

How'd they learn to fly a Boeing 737?

You can't put the image of what they look like up and then say that. Oh, shit. According to some stories, if a baby is born during the 12 days of Christmas, it is at risk of turning into a Kelly Consoroy when it reaches adulthood. Okay. The only way to ensure that this doesn't happen is to bind the baby in tresses of garlic or straw and to singe the child's toenails. Who comes up with this shit? This sounds illegal.

I mean, that's definitely illegal. To ward off these Christmas goblins, people keep traditionally keep fires burning throughout the 12 days while hanging garlic or basil and displaying religious symbols or even keeping food out to distract them if they come by. Dude, this works so easily in the old day. You put food out to get rid of the goblins and some random like crow would come and steal it. And then when you wake up, the food's gone. So you're like, oh, the goblins have been satiated. Yeah. We will survive another Christmas.

My god. And then like your uncle won't do it and he just dies of a heart attack. Yeah, like dysentery. The goblins got him. Yeah. I would believe in everything. Man, it would be so good back then. It would be exciting. What do I believe in now? Yeah, the joy's gone. Yeah, nothing exists to excite us anymore. Yeah. This is what happens when the world is devoid of goblins. It's all the highways keeping the goblins stuck underground. Tear the highways up and let the goblins out.

So their emergence, though, during these 12 days is symbolic of the chaos that people find themselves in during the darkest days of the year. The time when people believe spirits were more active. Their failure to completely cut down the world tree represents the power of the cycle of life. While its roots are in pagan winter solstice traditions, the story of color canceros were incorporated into Christian customs over time, blending folklore in with new beliefs. What part of Christianity is the goblins?

It's the New Testament. Okay, sorry, I haven't read that one. I'm an Old Testament fella. The Kali Kansaros have also appeared in the popular TV show Grimm, and in the Greek translation of the Harry Potter books, the Gringotts goblins are referred to as Kali Kansaros. Oh, okay. Okay, fair enough. It's used in media today. It just shows how ingrained it is in Greek culture, and it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere.

Well, it does because they can't make it up through the roads anymore. Dude, the world trees, it's got a year. It feels like it sometimes. Yeah. All right. I'll take this one. We're talking about the Yule Cat. I've always heard the term Yule Cat, but I never knew what it was until right now. Yule tidings. Yeah, Yule tidings. The Yule Cat is a giant intimidating creature from Icelandic folklore that is often described as being the size of a house or even larger. Fuck me, that's a big cat. That sounds great. That sounds awesome. Imagine the snuggles with that. Some Totoro stuff.

Okay. I can tell you why I'd be terrified. Imagine the kitty litter on this motherfucker. True. Honestly, until you said spreading fear to villagers, I was like, this is just some cute world building. Like, there's nothing crazy here. Yeah. But yeah.

But yeah, sifting through that kitty litter would be horrifying. Oh my God. I don't know how you'd get terrified of this because you could just be able to smell its piss on the wind from forever away. Yeah. Cat piss is rank. It's the size of a building. That is a stream. Yeah. I have three cats and it's fucking miserable. The cats are great. I love the cats, but Jesus, I wish they would just shit and piss outside. Yeah.

Or use the toilet. I've seen them train cats how to use the toilet and stuff. Like standing up? Yeah. One of my cats refuses to use the kitty litter. I've got like three kitty litter. Which one? Ophelia. Oh, that checks out. Yeah. She will shit literally right outside the door of the kitty litter. Like right next to it. She just won't do it. I think she knows how. She's just making a statement. Yeah. It's so annoying. I fucking hate it. I don't know what to do. I like,

Anyway, this is turning into a rant. That's not necessary. I love cats. Cats are the greatest. Cats are the best. I would still look after this yule cat. I don't think it'd look after you. No, it would eat me immediately. Same with my cats. Yeah. As soon as I... You hear those stories of like as soon as someone dies and they start eating you. Meats back on the menu, boys. This is how I honor them.

Origins of the Yule Cat. The Yule Cat's origins trace back to Icelandic folklore, stories of the creature becoming prominent in the 1800s. It embodies the values of hard work, don't know how, and communal responsibility, particularly in the more rural societies. The Yule Cat story goes that during Christmas, he prowls the night looking through people's houses to see who hasn't received clothes for Christmas before.

What an enterprising young man this cat is. What a kind man. How do you associate clothes with a cat? Well, we'll find out. Receiving clothes during Christmas in Iceland meant that you had worked very hard. And if you didn't receive clothes, then you did not work very hard. Obviously. Yeah.

If the Yule Cat caught you without any new clothes, then he is said to eat you, leaving nothing behind. What if you wake up and the Yule Cat's breaking in because you didn't leave the clothes out on display? Dude, they're in the closet, I swear. I'm wearing them. I'm wearing them. Imagine not getting clothes one Christmas and thinking that your whole life is over. Yeah. Why did anyone give me- Family doesn't give you clothes. Yeah. You're just condemned to death. Societal shunning. Don't get that man clothes. He doesn't deserve it. Holy shit. Yeah.

I am now more thankful of every time my grandmother gave me underwear at Christmas. She kept me alive. I was thinking about this Christmas. Always the lamest present growing up was whenever a family member would give you socks or something, and now I'd kill for socks. I'd kill for them. Yeah. So good. Thanks, Mama. Thank you, sock woman. If you don't get socks this season, fucking Krampus will execute you on the spot. Fuck. Oh!

Okay, I didn't think she was going to come up this episode, but she is going to come up. Another character from the Red One universe. Oh, is it Grilla? Yeah. The Yule Cat is also said to be the pet of the ogre-esque Grilla, who punishes naughty children during Christmas. We didn't see the cat in the movie, though. No, we didn't. Just her 12, 7, 12 kids. Yeah, her ogre children. Ogre spawn.

A lot of the time, the story of the Yule Cat was told to people who worked on farms to encourage them to work hard or they may face the Yule Cat. I feel like it's also encouraging people to like support local clothing stores maybe. Go to your local tailor or a cat will fucking eat you. Propping up that industry maybe. Yeah, I feel like they maybe started it. In Iceland at the time, wool was a major component of the clothing that was made and finishing production before winter was a big priority at the time and everyone was expected to pitch in. That actually does make sense. So it's like

forcing people to like work hard at wool production to help the economy or whatever like bolster bolster the supplies i don't see how a cat comes into it but yeah i don't know the bard that was sitting there with his little quill pen just coming up with i'm a genius oh my god it's just incredible

The story of the Yule Cat represent themes of working hard and being prepared for the winter. It also reflects Iceland's historical reliance on textiles and the community effort required to survive harsh winters. I'm so glad I don't have to survive harsh winters. I have to survive a harsh summer. Yeah. It's worse. Yeah, but like...

We have air conditioning. That's what I mean. Like in modern society. 200 years ago. Imagine trying to like suffer through that. Like what would you do? The winter or the summer? Both. Anything. I'd take winter. I don't think humans were meant to be on this planet. Maybe we were seeded here. Maybe we're the real cryptid all along. Yeah. Maybe that's what other animals think of us. Today in the media, the Yule Cat makes a bunch of appearances. The Bjork song. Oh, Bjork's got a song? Jollock...

Yola Kotorin. I know who Bjork is. I just didn't know she had a song about the Yule Cat. Her song Yola Kotorin is based on the Yule Cat. And in 2023, a film based on the Yule Cat titled You Know, English translation, was released in Iceland.

The Yule Cat is also featured in Christmas greeting cards as well. The Yule Cat remains a fascinating and enduring symbol in Icelandic holiday traditions, featured on greeting cards and in various cultural expressions. I don't really feel like it's a cryptid though, right? The Yule Cat? Yeah. It's on the lesser end of the cryptid iceberg, I'd say. Yeah, maybe. Like it's still like something where people would believe that it exists. So that kind of makes it a cryptid. Yeah. Now this next one, what the fuck is that? Is this the last one?

Yes, it is the last one. Take it away. What is... What? Yeah, get it away from me. The final cryptid of our cryptid grab bag, Christmas cryptid grab bag. We've got the Marie Lloyd. Louid. Louid. Marie Louid.

What the fuck is that? Oh, it's a fucking made up language that makes no- well, all languages are made up, but this one is more made up than the others. Oh, the Welsh? Yeah. Okay, well, I'm not gonna even- I assume it's not pronounced Mari Lloyd then. It's probably like "I-n-f-k-d-n." Probably like George. George. So, a striking and eerie figure in Welsh folklore. Mari is a ghostly house. What? It's a ghostly house.

Okay. We've got a house cryptid right now? What the fuck? That roams through rural Wales during Christmas and New Year's celebrations. Is it a horse, maybe? I think it's meant to say horse. I like the house depiction more than horse. What the fuck? I think it's just a typo. I think it's meant to be horse instead of house. But what's even more confusing is this picture we've got in this document is literally of a man pointing at a house. Admittedly with a giant horse. Yeah, but he's pointing at a house.

Okay. Traditionally, the Murray Lloyd has a horse's skull instead of a face, while its body is covered with a long white sheet that flows in the wind. The creature towers over people, creating a haunting presence as it moves through the night. See, this is actually way more...

terrifying to me than the other ones already. If I heard like the wind through the shutters and I looked out and I saw a giant white sheep. Yeah, horse's head. That'd be terrifying. And it's more creative than just, oh, it's a dude with a goat's hooves. Or a cat that's really big. Yeah. Or a goblin. Or a goblin. The goblin one was kind of cool. Yep.

You know he is nearby because you hear the sound of singing and soft jingling bells. Sometimes you'll even see the Marie Lloyd adorned with a floral headdress upon it. Oh, well, it's got fashion. That's cute. It is. A floral headdress upon its terrifying skull. Fashionable. The origins and the rituals of the Marie Lloyd. Let's see. It can be traced back to pre-Christian Celtic traditions where horses were highly regarded as symbols of fertility, strength, and protection. Why fertility? Massive cocks. Ha!

They shoot ropey loads. Oh, God. Enough of that. I regret asking. Did the Mary Lude do that? Underneath that flowing cloak. Yeah, it's got a giant cock. Some believe that the Mary Lloyd is a continuation of rituals honoring Epona, a Celtic horse. No, that's a horse from Legend of Zelda. Actually. Shut up. Idiot. Dumbass.

I'm talking here. In early Welsh folklore, the Maree Lwyd is thought to be related to medieval wassailing, a tradition where people go door to door singing hoping for presents. Oh, they sing hoping for presents in return. So they're just baking. Yeah.

They're just street buskers. Freeloaders. Street buskers that come to you. This is mainly transformed into Christmas caroling nowadays. I would love Christmas carolers so much more if they knocked on my door and the kids are there ready to sing and like five meters behind them across the road is some fucking flowing horse. Demon, yeah. Do you ever get Christmas carolers over here? I don't. Not once ever. No, never. But imagine that. Like the kids are like, can we sing for you? And there's this horse just non-blinking staring you down. Like I might let them.

How arrogant do you need to be to go around Christmas caroling, thinking that your voice is so good that I should get up and stand at my door and listen to you for three minutes? Actually, the only time I've ever seen Christmas carolers was when I was in Canada last year. They're like just in the public street outside. Well, yeah, public street makes sense. But I'm talking about the people that come around to your house, knock on your door and then sing at your face. I don't even know if that's a real thing, but it's like in movies and stuff. Yeah, that is weird. It's really weird. It is really weird. Like, hey, check this out. Just close the door. Yeah, fuck off. I don't know.

Eat cookies and drink eggnog. The Murray Lloyd's appearance is likely from theatrical customs that would accompany Wesleyan. As Christianity would spread throughout Wales, the Murray Lloyd would be ingratiated into Christian celebrations like many cryptids we have talked about.

The name Marie Lloyd is actually thought to originate after the creature was adapted into Christianity. Some scholars suggest that the name was translated as Holy Mary. Okay, yeah, fair enough. Showing just how well the pagan tradition was Christianized by the 19th century.

The Mary Lloyd was largely forgotten, but it would be revived in the 20th century and it is now celebrated as part of Welsh cultural heritage. You know what? This is even more confusing because the Mary Lloyd sounds like a house. I was going to say a house, like a hotel house or something. A hotel. The Mary Lloyd. Maybe it is a haunted house. Murder on the Mary Lloyd. Sounds like a boat.

Yeah, it does. While the Mary Lloyd has a very haunting appearance, it is usually described as a positive creature. Now I'm confused. Okay. So it roams the country with like a haunting jingle sound following it. It looks horrific, but then it knocks on your door and is like, are you having a good time? Yeah. Maybe that's the Christmas message is don't judge a book by its cover though. Maybe. Don't judge a horse by its cover.

Don't judge a horse by its skull. By its skull. Because it is actually a positive creature and thought to bring good luck and prosperity for the community. I feel like this is just a mainstream media lie and this Mary Lloyd is... The Disney version of the... This Mary Lloyd is down underground helping the goblins with the world tree. It's intended to ward off evil spirits and that might actually work because imagine being the goblin, right? And you...

you climb up out of the ground after a busy shift of hacking at the world tree and the fucking Mary Lloyd's there. You're like, I'm going back to the tree. Yeah. Fuck that.

Especially during the darkest winter months it had ward off evil. Today, people continue to dress up as the Mary Lloyd, traveling around cities or neighborhoods, singing traditional Welsh songs. That'd be pretty cool to see. This sounds awesome. This sounds like the coolest one so far. Yeah. I love the Mary Lloyd. The costume usually consists of a person dressed in a white sheet, holding a horse's skull on a pole and parading through the streets. Yeah, it looks awesome. The photo I'm looking at is actually really cool. This looks awesome, like the festivities and stuff, but if I saw this in like a...

Like a haunting, you know, not abandoned. Some alley. Yeah, or a lonely road out in the woods. Yeah. I'd be terrified. Not so much of a stoic cowboy anymore. Mary Lloyd made an appearance in one of the first episodes of Doctor Who and was the topic of a short BBC documentary. It has also been featured in a variety of different poems, the most famous being the Ballad of the Marie Lloyd from the famous Welsh poet Vernon Watkins.

These appearances contribute to Marie Lloyd's enduring role as a symbol of Welsh folklore, bending its historic roots with modern interpretations. I want to see what a Welsh poetry is. That sounds like the most confusing thing ever. It sounds sick. Yeah. It'd be like the longest words ever, the most confusing words ever for like one sentence. I had a co-worker who was Welsh and when he'd talk it, it sounded so cool. It sounds cool, but it just sounds so confusing as well.

What do you mean? Like I can't make sense of what I'm hearing. Well, because the words don't look like the sound to you. Yeah, that as well as like with things like Japanese or German, I can like kind of see what they're going for. But with Welsh, it's just like, I have no clue. What's your opinion on Russian and Cyrillic then? I haven't really looked into it, honestly. So yeah, fair, fair. Why is it kind of the same?

Well, a lot of letters they've got are just like their own thing. But then they'll also have... Like you'll be doing a translation for back in the days when I'd be trying to translate a sign in DayZ to figure out where the fuck I am. The letter you're reading would literally be like S or R. And then you translate it and it's an A or a D. I'm like, fuck me. How does this work? What is this? But everyone... Yeah, so...

I say this about the Welsh language, but literally every other foreign person I've ever spoken to online has said that English is by far, in a way, the hardest language to learn. Yeah, because it's taken every other language, gone into a back alley and beat the shit out of it. And then just taken and combined it. Yeah. And nothing makes sense. And there's arbitrary rules for different languages. There's so many arbitrary rules. Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. And then Australia just butchered it even more. Queensland specifically. What about Queensland has butchered it?

Bro, go talk to any fucking... Go out on that street right now across to the fuel station and find a dude in a Bintang t-shirt. Talk to him for 30 seconds and you won't understand a word he says if you weren't born in Queensland. No, it's not drugs. It's just the rural Queensland. No, well, yeah, maybe that's...

because I've lived my entire life here. Maybe it's not weird to me. You've lived here your entire life. Yeah, no, I know. It's not weird to me at all. It's homely. But if some dude from America or Germany shows up, I'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, that's just Australian slang in general. I get shit enough for this. All the fucking, you know, the words that we use to describe things like ciggies instead of cigarettes. Ciggy. Darts. Darts, yeah. There's so many dumb shit. Yeah. That's just like slang that's different. I like our slang. It makes sense. It does feel kind of lame.

These were just a few of the dozens of Christmas cryptids from around the world. A common factor among these cryptids is that they have pre-Christian origins and were later blended into Christian Christmas traditions. A lot of these cryptids may seem silly, but their stories were very important for people back then as winter was very harsh and dangerous for people. I feel like this is the same with every single cryptid we've covered on the show really is like they were always used.

At least the more folkloric ones were always used as just a precautionary method to keep children inside. What did Mothman, what was his purpose? Well, his was kind of different. His was like to foretell bridge disasters in advance. Bridge disasters? Yeah, because he was active in...

in the area at the time that one of like the most deadly bridge collapses in American history happened. So if I see a particularly big moth, I know not to go over any bridges. Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's Mothman's agent sent to warn you. What about Goatman? Goatman's just a dick. Oh, okay. He just kills. He's just like a serial killer. Fuck that guy. Again. The stories reflected the struggles of the time and ingrained certain morals in people, like buy clothes. Buy clothes for your friends and family. Buy clothes.

Feed your cat. Feed your cat. Their ability to be ingrained into Christian traditions just shows how important these stories were for some people. And it's no wonder their stories, traditions, and rituals are still celebrated across the world to this day. And probably will for a long time. I don't want to see the day when the goblins and the… Return. No. When they die out for good. I want them down there working on that world tree for as long as possible. Yeah. Do you reckon we have any Australian cryptids? Well, yeah. We got like the bunion. For Christmas. Oh, for Christmas? No. Like what would we have?

Probably like some kind of shrimp on a barbie that doesn't want to die. No, I know there's like those, the lights, I forget the name. Christmas lights? Yeah, the Christmas lights. No. What are you talking about? Out in the Outback. I forget their exact name.

Like gimpy gimpy lights or something. I don't remember. Gimpy gimpy is a type of plant that hurts when you touch it. Yeah. No, I know there's lights that have like a name that's like the same way. Are they like haunted lights? Like someone who... You see them off in the distance in the outback and they're always like...

one of like five colors or something and it's like if you go and follow them like you just never return and because you're getting lost in the desert you're pulling a light in a straight line yeah but they're always like whenever they appear it's always like the worst omen ever oh i want to go see them and they're like when i was reading about it it was equal parts creepy equal parts i really want to see that yeah even though i'd probably never return that sounds like a that doesn't sound like a cryptid that sounds like a creepypasta kind of

Kind of, when I read about it, it sounded a little bit like that. It wouldn't... From my understanding when I was reading it, rationalizing it, it just sounded like...

All sorts of weather events align to create these lights and then you just fucking die. That sounds awesome. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I want to be taken out by the Christmas lights. The Christmas lights. Isn't that crazy? That's kind of like the meme is Australia is such a dangerous place, but apparently it is. We have lights that kill you. We have lights that kill you. We have the bunyip that'll just, I mean, that's our goblin. Yeah, he's kind of goblin. The bunyip is our goblin. Yeah. I don't know. We've got like, obviously like a lot of Aboriginal cultural stories, like the rainbow snake.

We said different words there. Are we talking about the same thing? The rainbow snake. Yeah. Dream serpent? Or is that different? So there's the dream world. Oh, that's right. Which the rainbow serpent is part of. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So a lot of like cultural stories there. But would you... Yeah, I guess that's kind of like cryptography. We had stuff about the moon as well through the aboriginals. Like what? I think someone like...

was a bad little boy and ended up on the moon or the moon was a character itself and would like send people into a rage or something. It's been so long.

But I don't think there's anything Christmas related. Yeah, whenever we see Christmas things, it's always through the context of obviously the Northern Hemisphere. It's always just like, here's someone else's culture and we're just going to join in because it's popular. Well, it's always the same image as well. It's always like snowy, beautiful, like Santa's fat and he's wearing like 10 coats. And I'm wearing this. This is pretty thin. This isn't even thick. And I'm sweating so fucking much right now. Oh, I am like destroyed right now. I am drenched.

So our version of like Santa and fucking Christmas over here is like wearing board shorts and going to the beach. Some Hawaiian board shorts. Yeah, trying not to burn. Santa's always portrayed on like a surfboard and shit like that. Yeah. But yeah, it's so different. We haven't really had the ability to co-opt anything even like through the Christian lens and turn it into... No, because we can't because nothing makes sense in the context of Australia. Nothing makes sense in the context here. We just have animals that want to kill us. There is no joy brought by them. Yeah. Just death.

It's a shame. Which is weird that we don't have a Krampus. Well, he's very furry. I feel like he'd die of heat stroke as soon as he arrived. No, but like an Australian version of Krampus because there's like so many versions we could take. Yeah, true. I don't think we do have one really, do we? No. There is no Christmas theme. I think Santa's only popular here, again, because of like Christian kind of... We have a large Christian population up in Australia, as well as the fact that it's just jammed into...

the spotlight through media and everything, obviously. Yeah, we kind of just heard about Halloween and Christmas and I guess we'll do that. Yeah. Halloween doesn't happen that much. It doesn't really happen here at all. No, not once you're like 12. No, not at all. And Thanksgiving doesn't happen at all because it's an American tradition. Yeah, I don't know what that one's about. Yeah, you give thanks. That's it. Oh, really? Yeah, thanks for the country, I think. They took it from the natives.

Oh, is it like their landing day? It might be like their Australia day. I'm not 100% sure. Yeah, right. I'd assume it's going to be when they landed there and settled. Yeah. And of course, like the whitewashing of history is like they just said, thanks. Thanks for it. Thanks for co-opting this land to us. I don't know. We'll rent it. I don't know. That can be next Thanksgiving. We'll dig deep into the cryptids of Thanksgiving. And I wear a turkey outfit. How do turkeys come into it?

I think they were just a popular food, right? At the time, probably. When they were colonizing. Fair. They taste pretty good. I don't know. I've never really had turkey. They're good. All right. That's going to do it for this episode of Red Thread. Thank you very much for joining us. It's a bit of a shorter one, but... It's not quite as haunting as the last. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know when this comes out.

Not quite as haunting as any of them. Yeah, true. This is more jolly. Jolly and fine-spirited. Thank you very much, Connor, for joining us. Big thank you. Happy to be here. We'll be back soon. We're on break at the moment from December 20th through January 20th in terms of recording new episodes, but we'll still have one more episode coming out. We'll be covering something special coming out soon. Special. But...

Yeah, we'll be on the set again. But we'll also be back, I think, beyond January 20th with Caleb and Isaiah. They'll be back and we'll get back into it. That's when our holiday ends. But we'll still have bonus episodes coming out over the time period. Other than that, official.men to snag yourself.

The Christmas gift of wearing good fashion. Make sure you buy this to give to someone or the Yule Cat's going to come and shit down your chimney. Was it the Yule Cat? Yeah. Yeah, okay. Uh,

Yep, red thread merch over at official.men. Very comfortable. We'll protect you from all forms of cryptids. There's cryptids on it, so that's a good omen. Yeah. Very comfortable. So official.men for that. You can get 15% off with your membership at official.men, which gets you early ad-free access to all of our content, all of our shows across the network. So the official podcast, Criminally Stupid, Red Thread, as well as Real Boys with Connor and myself.

We just finished reviewing the year. We did a little award show. Award show for all the movies. The hits and the misses. Yep. Lots of misses. Quite a few. Yep.

So you can go check that out. Other than that, we'll see you back soon. And for real after the break. Hope you guys had a Merry Christmas and a happy holidays and New Year. Jolly good times. Okay. Bye. Me and the Grinch are going to go have erotic sex. Violent. All right. Bye, guys. Bye. Bye. Bye.