“Anti-Semitism NOT Happening!” Howie Mandel’s MIND BLOWN By Jewish Comedian Ari Shaffir!
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Hey, this is Jimmy. Who's this? Hey, Jimmy. It's President Joe Biden. Hey, Mr. President. I had a feeling you'd be calling in. Oh, you know it, baby. Almost every week I'm calling you and keeping you up to date with special reports. Yeah, almost every week now. Well, let's be honest. We've got to milk this for all it's worth while we can. Yeah.

We're not going to be able to be having these little chats forever, you know. Yep. For one reason or another. Yeah, I know. So we got to bank as much content on YouTube as possible. For posterity. Living cultural documents. Right there with you, Mr. President. What's on your mind?

Jimmy, I just want to say how proud I am of my incredibly creative and ingenious campaign team. They've come up with strategies to appeal to the younger voters that never would have occurred to me. Like what? Check this shit out. So they noticed all the media swarming around the Trump trial. So what they did is they went to where the media already was and staged an event because

Because as we all know, the young people are glued to the Trump trial. They can't get enough of it. So they drew the attention of the media to my surrogates who were especially qualified to speak to the dangers of Donald Trump. Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. I saw this guy. So who was it?

Former Capitol Hill police officers and a very special celebrity handpicked to wow the young people. Tell them who it is. Robert De Niro. Nice. Robert De Niro. He's 80 freaking years old. Can't beat a winner.

I know, he's a spring chicken, that one. The young people can't get enough of Bobby De Niro. Hell, my grandchildren are always quoting Awakenings. Can't get enough of him.

Awakenings, that's from like 1990. Yeah, Awakenings. You know, that's the one where Robin Williams stops Robert De Niro from being retarded by acting like a clown. No, no, no, no, no, sir. I don't think that's... What do you mean, no?

First of all, you can't, that word is not... Patch Adams, too. But you're confusing, yeah, you're confusing Awakenings with Patch Adams. Those are different movies, Mr. President.

Nah, I'm pretty sure they're the same deal. No. Anyway, Bobby went out there and went on an unhinged rant on my behalf. Yeah, I know. We're going to play it later. Yeah, you saw it. Yeah, we're going to play it later in the show. He yelled at Trump supporters like a madman. Yeah, like a psychotic break.

Yeah, it made it seem like my campaign was in really good shape. So I told my team, good job. You know, Donald Trump has repeatedly claimed that this entire prosecution is politically motivated. It has previously been your administration's position to deny this and to stay out of it. By orchestrating this political stunt, don't you think you have basically made Trump's point for him?

Jimmy, as they say, the greatest move you can make against your enemy is to inadvertently prove him right. What? As they say? I've never heard that saying, sir. Ah, damn. I was kind of hoping I was out there somewhere. No. Oh, well, worth a shot. No. Yeah, we fucked that up. I guess nobody thought that one through. I guess not, huh?

I still stand by the move, though. It's for a dual purpose. Oh, what's the dual purpose? To create a spectacle so absurd... It is. ...that it draws attention away from the horrible shit going on in Gaza. Well...

Like clearly, Hail Mary, last ditch effort. Sure, send a Goodfellas guy out into the streets of New York to yell about Donald Trump. That'll fucks him. Yeah, good plan, sir. And I don't get it. Donald Trump is on trial. Yeah. A former president accused of a crime. A bullshit crime. And his numbers don't go down? No, because it's a bullshit crime. And mine don't go up? No. No.

Something's wrong here. These polls, they're not right. No, of course they're right. And people don't care about the Trump trial. I'm sorry to tell you. All they care about is these horrible images that are coming out of Gaza that you're funding. Well, what do you want me to do about it? Well, I'd like you to do more than nothing. How about that? Maybe honor what you said about RAFA being a red line, that you wouldn't provide them with munitions for an attack on RAFA. Do you remember saying that, Mr. President?

Yeah. Well, are they brutally attacking Rafa? Yeah. And are you just doing nothing? You're just sitting there, content to give the world the impression that Israel absolutely owns the United States. Yeah. Do you have anything to say other than yeah?

No. Okay. You know what? I think I'm talking to you. You're such a spineless president. We have more important things to get to than to listen to someone who has basically sold out the entire country to enable a genocide. Your action is despicable, sir. It's how history will remember you, and I hope you have a great day. I said good day. Maybe.

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You come see me on tour in Rutherford, New Jersey, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Ontario, California, Las Vegas, Davenport, Iowa, Chicago, Illinois. We're doing a live panel video show. Special surprise guests on that show. And Grand Rapids, Michigan. Go to JimmyDore.com for a link for tickets. And make sure you go to Jimmy Dore because they don't want to buy it from a second reseller.

Again, we have another millionaire celebrity.

uh actually meets the real world and gets his mind blown just like bill maher happened when he got interviewed by greg gutfeld and uh megan kelly

He was introduced to all kinds of facts he didn't know. Yeah, what is it with these germaphobe misers? They don't know about stuff. So here is... Him and Stern should have masks all the time. Yes. So Howie Mandel is perplexed that Ari Shaffer isn't concerned with anti-Semitism, and Ari even says Iran is great for Jews. Wait a minute, what? Oh, that already pushes buttons. Here we go, watch this. There were three Jews sitting here. Have you felt the... Are you feeling the...

the fucking we're back in the glove dude we're back center of attention again i love it really oh yeah we were a joke before now we're taking seriously who else wants some who else wants some you're seeing the positive in this yeah dude we're fucking attention yeah we're back before we just i'm like joke like i remember the tribe like little light things now people take us seriously seriously go ahead keep pushing the students see when we push back

It's horrible. It's not horrible. It doesn't happen. It's statistically irrelevant. It's repeating the news too much. None of it's really happening. Are you fucking kidding me? I've seen no actual anti-Semitism. Have you? You walked around and people yelled Jew at you or something? I don't go out. Yeah, good point. Great job, Howie. Great job, Howie. So Howie Mandel is convinced that there's anti-Semitism and Jews are in danger all over the country.

He's talking to a Jew who actually goes all over the country. He's talking to my friend Ari, the wandering Jew. Right. Who's been around the earth. Who goes all over the world. Ari disappeared for like, I remember, six months. He was just wandering through Asia. Is that what happened? Yeah, it was crazy. And he came back and just always didn't wear a shirt for some reason. But what I'm saying is the guy's been around.

And so an actual Jew who goes around places is telling him that, no, it's safe. The world is safe for Jews. But to be completely fair here to Howie Mandel, he thinks that all humans are giant walking germs, right? And we should all be avoided, if not eliminated. A big bag of disease, yeah. So is Howard Stern. And Howard Stern, too. They're both germophobes. And they're both on America's Got Talent. I'll tell you a funny thing about him after, though. Okay, hold on.

I yelled you at him this morning. No, no, no, no. I think it's real. I think we've got to take it seriously. I think what you're saying is wrong. No, it's being on the news. Are you familiar with the WhatsApp app that tells you all the robberies? He just admitted he doesn't go out of the house. You said you don't know anything. And you go, I think it's real. And I think you're wrong. So the guy who knows something. Yeah. I mean, just imagine. I want to have a show called Can You Hear Yourself? Why would Ari Shaffer make it up that...

He feels safe everywhere he goes and he's never experienced anti-Semitism. Why would he make that up? Well, I'll tell you what. I know why Howie Mandel has to pretend it's not true. What are you saying to him is because right now the state of Israel, its entire thing hangs on being as afraid as Howie Mandel. That's right. All the time. That's right. You can't power your soul as golem without fear and hate.

- That's right. - So first you need the fear, and then you need the hate from the fear to power your golem to get this genocide done. So Ari don't have that fear, 'cause he's not one of those, "Don't go out there!" - All right, let's listen to the rest. - In your neighborhood. - Citizen. - Citizen app. So before this app, everybody was having a great time in the neighborhood. - So he's talking about that Citizen app. Or it also could be that, what's the one that,

We used to, the app that talks about your neighborhood. Neighborhood. Oh, yeah. Next door? Next door. Yeah, the sex offender registry that, by the way, pops up like American bases around the world. Yes. Level. So he's talking about the Citizen app, which tells everybody about the crime that's happening in their neighborhood. And he makes a great point that before this, everybody was happy, and now everybody's afraid that there's crime everywhere. Yeah, well, OCD people, the little control freaks, like your Howie Mandel. By the way, from Canada. From Canada, eh?

Nothing against Canada. I like Canada. Here we go. And then suddenly all these housewives are like, there's a robbery every 20 minutes. I can't believe everything goes to shit. They're just aware of it suddenly. The small percentages. It's a little bit in colleges you don't go to. It's not there. It's statistically irrelevant. I go all over.

So, uh, there's more to this. Wait, where's the part where he goes, anybody yell Jew at you? Hang on, I think it's coming. College campus? No, I'm not. Go over to USC today. I'm not on a college campus. Nobody I know is. Students are. They're just dumb. No, you're wrong. Oh, you're really wrong. You're really wrong. Bro, if you shut the laptop, you'll never see it. You'll never know it exists. Oh, I believe that you can hide from it. I believe that you can be... Out in the world, never seeing a single thing. It's just a citizen app. It's just another citizen app thing.

They're just pushing this thing and all the Arabs feel attacked and all the blacks feel attacked and all the Asians feel attacked. So there's no anti-Semitism. There's no racism. There's no statistically irrelevant. It's like getting a set over a set. It doesn't, it's not something that's even, it's less than 1.1%. It's, it's, we are less than 1.1% of the population Jews. We're two. No, no, no. Yeah, we are. We are. We are 2%. Yeah. But I think that it's, it's not, we're hated. Sure. By some, I guess deep in the where they don't see us. Do you still have friends in Israel?

That's a no. What is having friends in Israel have to do with anti-Semitism in the United States? Zionism? It has nothing to do. He's talking about his experience. If Jews are safe in America, that's why Israel is unnecessary.

This whole idea we need an ethno-state that's an apartheid state in the Middle East, someone else's land, so that we can feel safe from anti-Semitism is bullshit. And he's proving that. Almost all the lack of safety has been directly caused by

Israel, I just want to point out. Even the vicious attacks such as go back to Poland. Even that guy, and I'm sorry if you had to endure hearing that, but even that really only springs up around problems with Israel. That Israel are instigating. Here we go. Think that long. My mom still lives there. Do you talk to her? I haven't in a bit, no. Why is that relevant? Do you have friends in Israel?

so yeah why is that why is that relevant it's not that was glenn greenwald making that point so here's the here's here's the one i saw on twitter here's the clip i saw on twitter watch this um distract yeah i get that but there come and it's not for howie mandel ari shafir and howie's daughter to kind of get deep about what's happening but i got to tell you that as a jew it is a little scary

And I can't believe that you as a Jew, I don't believe you, that you can keep it out of mind. I would imagine as- Why? Why don't you believe in his reality that he's telling you? Why does he have to feel the same way? You have no thought if you land in-

Fuck world, wherever you are. Like Iran or something? Afghanistan? Yeah. No, but that's always like travel advisories. Like, is it safe for Americans? And then is it safe for Jews? Right. Yeah. That's in certain areas, for sure. Where you got to like worry about that a little more. But London is not one of those places. You can just walk right past the rallies. It doesn't really matter. No one's going to break into your fucking hotel room and try to... So how we...

What Howie is saying is because there are pro-Palestinian rallies and anti-genocide rallies, that those are anti-Jew rallies, which they're not. There's lots of Jews at those rallies. And what he's saying is I walk past those rallies, nothing happens. There's no one out there. There's no one going after the Jews. The exact opposite is happening. The pro-Zionists are attacking peaceful pro-Palestinian protesters. We've seen that.

And he's here to let them know, dude, Howie, get out of your house. Get out of your basement, you germaphobe. I go out there. I walk past these protests. Nothing happens. And here we go. I hate you for being Jewish. Yeah, and Iran. I'm like, how bad are they right now? By the way, Iran, not bad for Jews. They just don't like Zionism. They're actually great for Jews. Misconceptions. That has got to blow his mind. Yeah, he's never heard this. You know, there's...

There's tons of synagogues in Iran. Did you know that? They don't hate Jews. It's Zionists. That's what he just told them. Again, another concept that an out-of-touch millionaire guy can't understand. Well, somebody in Congress passed a law that you have to believe Judaism and Zionism are the same thing. That's an absolute blasphemy to Judaism. They're not the same thing. Judaism and Zionism are not the same thing. There's lots of Jews who aren't Zionists.

Jews? Yeah, they love Jews. They have a long history of Jewish culture there. They do. They just don't like Zionism. Okay. So it's not really a problem. And how he did not know that. He did not know that Jews have been welcomed in Iran forever. He didn't know that. He's like, oh, okay, I knew that. I knew that, a dumb, jagoff comedian. I knew that there are tons of synagogues in Iran. Let me ask Suri. Hey, Suri, how many synagogues are there in Iran?

uh there's a list of synagogues in iran you can go right to uh iran's jews say they feel safe respected and iranians at heart this is this is uh this is from usa today iran's jewish community is the largest in the middle east outside of israel and they feel safe and respected that's the headline in usa today when was that that was um in august 29th 2018. well that's strange that that's that recent when i thought

It's almost like a lie made by the state of Israel to create Howie Mandels in the world. The nation that has called for Israel to be wiped off the face of the earth, the Iranian government allows thousands of Jews to worship in peace and continue their association with the country founded more than 2,500 years ago.

We have all the facilities we need for our rituals and we can say our prayers very freely. We never have any problems. I can't even tell you that in many cases we are more respected than Muslims, said Net Golsh Yishirazi, a 60-year-old rabbi at the Synagogue USA Today visited one morning last month. You saw for yourself, we don't even have any security guards here.

At its peak in the decades before Iran's Islamic Revolution in 1979, 100,000 to 150,000 Jews lived here, according to the Tehran Jewish Committee, a group that lobbies for the interests of Iranian Jews. In the months following the fall of the Mohammad Reza Shah Pahavi, Iran's second and last monarch, many fled for Israel and the United States. It was...

A dispersion precipitated in part by the execution of Habib El Hananian, who was then one of Iran's leading Jewish businessmen and philanthropists. He also headed the Tehran Jewish Committee and had ties to the deposed Shah. He was killed by firing squad after being accused by Iran's agglomerate revolutionaries of spying and fundraising for Israel.

Today, 12,000 to 15,000 Jews remain in Iran, according to the committee. It's a small minority in a nation of 80 million people, but consider, Iran is home to the Middle East's largest Jewish population outside of Israel.

And according to them and other senior members of Iran's Jewish community, they mostly enjoy good relations with Iran's hardline theocratic government, despite perceptions abroad that Iran's Islamic rulers might subject them to harsh treatment. The Muslim majority in Iran has accepted us.

We are respected and trusted for our expertise and fair dealings in business. We never feel threatened. Many years ago, before the royal regime of Pahlavi, by contrast, if it was raining in Iran, Jews were not allowed to go outside of their houses because it was believed that if non-Muslims got wet and touched a Muslim, it would make them dirty. Religion's not crazy. But anyway, there's a little bit more to this. Let's listen. Even that. Have you been? No, but, you know, I have traveler friends. But, like, uh...

Yeah, I mean, sure, there's those places. Middle East, sure, but like, yeah. You don't think there's places in America that you'd be concerned? Where? No, I don't think about it. America? You don't have to think about it. Your face says it. I mean, this one, I have family. Yeah, exactly. So I would have seen it then. So I go out, I travel all the time for work. I'm all over this country. My face is, hey, there's a Jew. You'd think I would have heard one thing in real life.

I'm telling you, I'm out there testing it. It's not there. You already said, I'm out there testing it. Ari has been testing it for many years. For many years. Testing the limits of being a Jew and doing stuff to annoy people. Yes. He's pretty hilarious at it. And yeah, he knows much better than Howie Mandel. But Ari was the one who tweeted, he's glad Kobe's dead.

that's after kobe died he got he got and hollywood tried to cancel him they got losses i remember i texted him i go dude this is don't worry this is going to work out for you and really i thought he got hacked and he goes no every time a famous person dies i say i'm glad that was his thing and he said it took off i was like i guess i'm mistaking for thinking you shouldn't do that so his his agent fired him right they tried to cancel him in hollywood for that i'm like don't worry

I go, this is all gonna come around. You're gonna be fine. - Well, I texted him recently. I was like, now do you see, Ari, how it feels like for some people Kobe Bryant is their Israel and you insulted it? - Okay. - Just online. You just gotta shut that laptop and walk outside. Everything's pretty fucking great.

Oh, it's so hard to be a white guy right now. No, it's not. It's fucking great. Oh, it's so hard to be everywhere I go. Black people want to get killed by cops. No, that's not true. Almost nobody gets actually that happened. It's just like everyone's online getting riled up. This world is great. Wow. Yeah.

I have a black friend who was convinced after George Floyd and after everything, after the media was talking about this, he goes, every white guy wants me dead. And then he was out fishing in Pennsylvania and some old white guy was fishing in a boat and he starts rowing over. He goes, oh fuck, here we go. My friend, Nate Marshall. And he goes, fuck, what's this going to be? And the guy comes over and he's like, can I talk to you boys for a second? And he goes, yeah, what? He goes, you're, you're casting your line way wrong.

You got to like at the top of your, I don't know what he said at the top. Let me show you what he did. He goes, all right, good luck with this. Got a good spot right here. And then he just like faced himself. He was like, oh, fuck. I've been lied to. My reality is not real. It's not. It's just based on this fucking everybody getting riled up. But changing your thought because of one or 30 interactions. Yeah. It's just like everywhere I go. I've not seen it. I've not seen it.

Do you not think there's racism? So how can Ari not agree with the most cloistered person on earth, aside from Walt Disney's frozen head? I mean, how can actually walking around in real life possibly compare to the fever dreams of a millionaire hermit? Come on. Come on. Here's what the chief nerd says. You can see how his brain melting on this one. Yes, you can.

LOL, you mean you trust your own eyes, Ari? How dare you? Hilarious. It's just like watching old. I remember talking to my aunt. I was trying to ask her about China. She's a very smart person, too. Just went on about Trump. It's got nothing to do with being old. This has got to do with people believing the corporate media. Yeah, but that's what I mean by being old. You still watch corporate media and think that it's the right media?

Now, this is my own crazy opinion, but I think it is somehow sucking knowledge out of you. It is. I don't think it's merely not telling you the right thing. It's replacing accurate ideas with inaccurate ideas in your head. I've never seen such stupid... And I'm watching like...

Howie Mandel, who should know better as a guy who's been alive longer, he goes, yeah, I don't go anywhere. He goes, well, I think you're wrong. Why would you say that? Holy shit. ♪

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Hey, Billy, why don't we tell them what we're about, man? So we're here to welcome you to the Madhouse Chronicles. It's a talk show with myself, Billy Morrison. And me, Ozzy Osbourne. This man, Prince of Darkness. And we watch and react to the maddest internet clips. What do we discuss, Ozzy? Drugs, rock and roll, aliens, all that kind of shit.

Drugs, rock and roll, aliens, and all that kinds of shit. Come and join Ozzy and myself. Visit OsborneMediaHouse.com to get special access to... Come on! What do you say? Do you think it's the wildest show on the internet? Donald Trump, they convicted him. And here's what I said about Donald Trump. The proof that this is a political prosecution of Trump and that we are now a banana republic is that George Bush still walks the earth a free man.

along with Dick Cheney, two guys who lied us into an illegal war, killed a million people, and then ordered a torture program worldwide to cover it up. That's what it was actually for.

The torture program was to get people to admit they were working with Saddam Hussein that weren't. So they could have... They wouldn't do that. They didn't want to get actual intelligence. They were actually trying to... You don't torture someone to get information. You torture someone to get them to say something you want them to say. But in the movie...

I know, I know. The guy who was just all over Waterboard. They claimed it was Donald Trump who was going to weaponize the legal system and prosecute his political opponents. But of course, that's exactly what they had in mind all along and what they just accomplished. The bad news for them is that most people of conscience see through this. And even worse news for them is that those people are going to make them pay for it at the ballot box come this November.

The establishment is so stupid and so afraid that they think doing a political prosecution of their number one foe is going to turn people against him. It will have the exact opposite effects. It already is. He is now a martyr and people will vote for him who previously wouldn't have voted for him. Who do you mean, Jim? Well, people like African-Americans and Mexicans who also feel like they got a raw deal from the legal system. I know this is a result of

Why? How do I know this? Because I saw those people say so on MSNBC when MSNBC sent a reporter to the Bronx rally to interview black and brown people. That's what they said. The people who are prosecuting Donald Trump hate him, but what they really hate is democracy and the rule of law even more. That's what this is about. They can't allow people...

The opportunity to vote for Donald Trump again. Same thing with Brexit. They can't. Oh, there's like, oh, this democracy really fucks up our our plans. And so they have to criminalize Donald Trump. They had to criminalize his organization, his political movement, MAGA. They had to criminalize that.

So those people could never participate in democracy again in a meaningful way and they wouldn't have to worry about it. That's what this is about. This is about that Donald Trump somehow got through the system. See, the Democrats have superdelegates to make sure that a Donald Trump never gets through the system.

The Republicans didn't have that because they never figured anybody running in the Republican Party would be anti-establishment or not a friend to the establishment. And Donald Trump is he is a friend to the establishment to hang out with him. He wanted but he filled his cabinet with them. He's like Rodney Dangerfield and Caddyshack. Yeah. It's like, you know, when Donald Trump said he was going to drain the swamp, he did. And guess what he found at the bottom of that swamp?

His cabinet. Yeah. He had Pompeo in there. Mike Pompeo's a great guy. He's a great agent. Bolton, he put Bolton in there. Now he's talking about putting Nikki Haley in his cabinet. He didn't bring jobs back to America. He didn't build that border wall. He also didn't give everybody health care like he said he was going to.

He didn't do anything except he did get a trillion dollar tax cut for billionaires and millionaires. - Not good enough, Jimmy. Not good enough. - And he didn't warmonger the way they wanted. So the big thing that Donald Trump did was I think it was the South Carolina primary debate,

And he said that the war in Iraq was a was a you guys lied us into it. He turned to Jeb Bush and said that was you guys should be apologizing. That was horrible. We shouldn't be there. We should be out of there. I'm not I'm going to take it. And you didn't even get the oil. He said stuff like that. They get the oil. And he his whole thing was he was an anti interventionist.

And they can't have that. The war machine like, no, no, we have we've had a plan for the last 25 years on how to take over the world. Ukraine is part of that. It's called the law of rules. That's right. And not the rule of law. Not the rule of law. So if you know about the project for America, New Americans, it's all about. Oh, it's what? Wesley Clark.

talked about on Democracy Now! when he said after 9-11 he went into the Pentagon and they already had plans drawn up to invade seven different Muslim countries. And they also had a plan for Ukraine way before that. And those are just the top plans. The ones underneath are way worse. This is all about American hegemony. And so Trump was a pebble in that shoe.

And this is what they do to someone who's a pebble in the empire's shoe. This is what they do. They don't they the people all with democracies on the ballot. No dementia is on the ballot.

The mention is definitely on the ballot. Democracy, they're making sure you don't get to vote for someone. They're making sure democracy doesn't happen because they don't like democracy. That's why the United States is in bed with dictators all around the world. We prefer dictators over democracy. And in fact, if you have a democratically elected government, good chance the United States is going to institute a coup like we did in Ukraine.

um so that's really michael and michael tracy makes a good point he says part of what makes this so perverse is it accelerates the rallying around trump as a persecuted martyr figure so people with will indignantly and ignore his actual record like hoaxing his own supporters on ukraine funding he did that uh fellating israel he's doing that and sucking up to every wall street sleazebag oh i'm sorry uh

Only the Democrats could make Donald J. Trump look like Jesus H. Christ. And by the way, Hillary and Billory Clinton are guilty of the exact same crimes.

So the crime, it's hard to even figure out what the crime was. The crime was he paid this stripper who he had sex with or this porn star he had sex with hush money to shut up. And then they didn't log it correctly. Right. Not that they did that because Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton did that all the time. Like, so remember with Paula Jones? Watch this. This is in 1998. Well, we're very pleased we reached a settlement. The president...

does not want to spend one more minute on this matter. The American people have made it very, very clear that they want the president and they want Congress to spend their time on the problems they were elected to solve. And this is a step in that direction. How much did you pay her?

fortunately uh... a new council or miss jones uh... satisfied the conditions which uh... which we had and what does conditions cost you one of which was assuring us in writing

That Mr. Hirschfeld's money was off the table and was no part of any settlement. But how much money did that cost you? And that and some other conditions. So to get her to shut up, how much did it cost you? And as a result, we were able to reach a settlement. What is the settlement, though? The settlement number was $850,000. Oh, $850,000. I don't know how that will be distributed. So they paid...

A woman accusing Bill of sexual misconduct, assault, and all that. $850,000 to go away. If the hypocrisy were any more glaring, AOC would have to legislate for greater skin protection. Am I right? By the way, I don't think Trump even told Michael Cohen to do that. Did you see Michael Cohen's lawyer saying how Michael Cohen took it upon himself to do that? And then stole money? And then Michael Cohen stole $50,000 from Trump. He thought he was going to get a promotion to do that. Also, so...

So the crime they're getting is not that he paid hush money to this person over a sexual scandal. I mean, Donald Trump is that he logged it incorrectly in his campaign finance things, which is not a felony. It's only a felony if Donald Trump does it. I also want to let you know that Congress does this all the time. Congressman paid 17 million dollars of taxpayer money.

for undisclosed hush payments to cover up sexual harassment claims. Meanwhile, candidate Trump allegedly used his own money for a $130,000 hush payment, and he's convicted of 34 felonies for not disclosing that. That's what this is about. Really, the Vatican? Congress paid out... There it is from CNN Politics.

Wait, wasn't someone calling for this to be released? Oh, the Biden's accuser was calling for this to be released. Remember Tara, Tara Reed, Tara Reed was calling because Congress has a secret file. That's right. The money they have to pay. That's right. And so I want here. And if this is about scamming with your, and not logging your payments correctly and your, cause that's what they're saying. This is not that he made the hush money payment, but that he scammed it in his, uh, uh,

campaign finance filings well aaron mate tweets this uh well actually a newsman tweets this the clinton campaign misled the public into believing the president was a secret russian agent being controlled by the kremlin through sexual and financial blackmail and then classified the payment to the foreign spy who created that lie the steel dossier

As legal counsel, well, here it is. The Clinton campaign and the DNC misreported the money that funded the dossier, masking it as legal services and legal and compliance consulting instead of opposition research, which is what it was. So as Aaron Maté says, well, for anybody who cares about trivial things like consistent standards, equal application of the law, et cetera, that's...

So, of course, they have to ban. Again, I'm not a fan of Donald Trump. I just told you at the beginning of this segment. But this is them taking your democracy away. That's what this is. And that's why it's important. And it's sad that people who have a platform...

Don't stand up and say something. There's Thomas Massey will say something. There's a handful of Republicans who will say something. We don't want the democracy taken away. And there's no Democrat who will say something. They're owned. Everybody's owned. Jill Stein isn't going to say something. Cornel West is. They're not going to actually have integrity. Hard to have integrity when you're being blackmailed. They're not going to actually have integrity and stand up and say, if they can do this to Donald Trump, they can do this to me.

If they could do this to Donald Trump, they'll do this to anybody. If they could do this to an ex-president. And the fact that George Bush and Dick Cheney walked the earth free men is complete revelation that this is a political prosecution. You know why Barack Obama didn't prosecute Dick Cheney and George Bush for torture crimes? Because he said all those torture crimes happened in the past. And Barack Obama's looking towards the future. Yeah.

I'm so glad we're not prosecuting past crimes anymore. Apparently, Donald Trump did this crime in the future. Here's what Glenn Greenwald has to say about it. Ultimately, the case is really about nothing other than hush fund, hush payments to a porn star who alleged she had an affair with Donald Trump, even though previously she denied that. And a claim that in the books, in the internal books of the Trump organization, those payments to Michael Cohen, which then went to Stormy Daniels, were misclassified.

So the case itself is just trivial, especially as a felony. And so although I've always been a believer in trying to lift and eliminate this two-tier justice system where political elites and financial elites really are exempt in so many ways, not obviously absolutely, but overwhelmingly, I would be applauding this if I thought that this were fairly applied. The reality is there's only one person in all of the United States who would have been charged with 34 felonies or even one felony

for having done this, and that person's name is Donald Trump. Democrats have been explicit about how they know that their best chance for winning is to ensure that Donald Trump becomes a felon before the election. Just to give you a sense for the absurdity of trying to suggest this was sort of the rule of law being applied equally,

Here for the New York Post in March 2020, and you can, 2022 rather, you can mock and watch the New York Post if you want. The story that they did on Hunter Biden's laptop turned out to be completely true, even though big tech and the media and the CIA all united to say it was Russian disinformation. And the facts that they're describing here are very easily verifiable. The headline is the Clinton campaign, the DNC, was fined by the Federal Election Commission for lying about the Steele dossier payments. Quote, the Federal Election Commission has fined Hillary Clinton. They were fined.

They weren't charged with a felony or not one felony or 34. They were fine. They weren't even charged with a crime. They were just they were made to pay a fine. OK, here we go. 2016 presidential campaign and the Democratic National Committee for lying about how they spent money used to fund the now debunked Steele dossier on former President Donald Trump. The Clinton campaign and the DNC will be forced to pay eight thousand and one hundred and five thousand dollars respectively for mislabeling payments.

that ultimately went to Fusion GPS, the consulting firm that commissioned the dossier according to FEC documents viewed by The Post. The fine stems from a complaint originally filed in 2018 by the Coolidge-Reagan Foundation, which was informed of the outcome on Tuesday. Now, obviously, that seems extremely similar.

to what Trump has been accused of. They wanted those payments to be hidden because they wanted to claim that they weren't the ones funding and instigating this fraudulent Steele dossier. And it turns out they absolutely were. And the intent was obviously to shield Hillary Clinton from damaging revelations, which is exactly the theory that they just convicted Trump on the basis of. So when the Clintons do it, it's not illegal. It's like the mafia. And if it is illegal, you're dead. You're a dead man.

Well, you're going to get depressed, real depressed of how much you disappointed them. And then you might do something and we're really concerned. And they can't even they couldn't even come up with an original crime for Trump. Of course, they just project one that they did themselves. Yeah, of course. Why did it take him so long to impeach Trump? It took him so long to impeach Trump because they had to find a crime he was guilty of that they weren't also complicit in. And they would never stop.

a shipment of arms to a war. And that's what Trump really, that was his crime. He paused a shipment of arms to Ukraine. That was his crime. That's why they impeached him. And just to let you know, here is Jack Dorsey, the former guy who used to run Twitter. And he's going to, you want to talk about election interference?

What about the 100-bite laptop? Remember when they all lied and said that was Russian propaganda, that that wasn't real? They all lied. In fact, Twitter even banned the New York Post's Twitter account over it, even though it was 100% accurate. Again, you don't get in trouble for lying. You get in trouble for telling the truth. And listen to what he had to say. By the way, does Jack Dorsey kind of look like a bad boy John Mulaney? Am I right? Here we go. He looks like he didn't stop doing coke. Yeah, here we go.

Of course, we made a bunch of mistakes, especially around the New York Post and the Hunter Biden laptop story. What? You made a bunch of mistakes? What? A bunch of mistakes?

Or were you intentionally censoring accurate information so you could influence an election? Sounds like just one giant mistake. We made a bunch of mistakes, especially around the New York Post and the Hunter Biden laptop story. You fucking piece of shit. He is a robot, man.

Of course, we made a bunch of mistakes, especially around the New York Post and the Hunter Biden laptop story. You fucking piece of shit. So that's my take on it. Bill and Hillary. Everybody else has done not only the exact same thing Donald Trump did. They did it right out in public. Hillary Clinton falsified her campaign finance thing to lie about funding the steel dossier. She lied to the FBI about it for a year.

It was all made up. The Steele dossier was all made up. It was smear opposition research by the Clinton campaign. It wasn't real. Let me just play this for you. George Carlin had this to say about voting.

Because if it's really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to step in and save the nation and lead the way? We don't have people like that. No, we have them.

But I don't know if you saw, so George is not around anymore. But what I would say back to him is, I don't know if you saw what happened to Russell Brand or Tucker Carlson or my Wikipedia page. Look what they do to anybody who stands up and tells the truth against the establishment. They destroy them as traitors to their country, as rapists. They did the same thing to Julian Assange. The first thing, the first card they pulled was he was a rapist.

Yeah, there's no question about that. Were you afraid that would happen to you and that's why you didn't run? No, there were, it was more family issues for me than anything like that. I got two little kids and stuff, but I think I'm kind of, the reason I was comfortable with it is that, you know, even in your example there, it's like, yeah, but like you and Joe Rogan and Russell Brand, you're all like,

still doing great and they try it's not like working as much anymore and I think I'm at least in a somewhat protected situation where like I don't know I mean Kurt what are you going to do write a letter to Louis J Gomez and try to get me fired um

Well, that's the thing. So they've they've gotten me screwed over in polite society. Right. Like the my all my old friend, most of my old friends now won't touch me with a 10 foot pole. I have new friends. Jimmy, the point is, and Kurt will tell you, I do not run with polite society. Yeah, we go to my friends every year. That's that's where I'm at. Skank Fest. So I get it this year.

Because you had liberal friends in L.A., so that's a whole different situation. The old comedy scene was filled with these people, and they stink. I hate to be like mom, but they weren't your friends. Well, it turns out they weren't my friends. None of them. And the ones who I thought were the...

the smartest and the ones who would speak out the loudest didn't. They talk their tale, especially during COVID. They wouldn't say shit about Russiagate. They won't tell you. Jon Stewart won't tell you the truth about Ukraine, but he'll never. He'll pin a medal on a literal Nazi at Disney World. Sure.

But he won't tell you the truth about the vaccines. In fact, he brought on fourth vaccine liars on his show. And he didn't bring on Dr. Robert Malone or Peter McCullough or Pierre Corey or even someone like me. He brought on no one to tell people the other side nothing. And they'll never tell. I keep telling people, Judge Stewart will never tell his audience the truth about the Ukraine war. Never. He'll never, ever do that. And you don't have to worry about it. Go ahead.

Well, I think, you know, you kind of touched on it all right there. Right. So I, I worked for, um, for CNN for like a year, um, for, uh, or Turner, it was a SE cup show. I was a contributor on, and I think she just hired me. Like, she's like heard like, Oh, he's like a comedian and he talks about politics. He'll be like funny on the show. And I'm like, I'm not funny on shows. I'm only funny on stage. So I'm here to argue about war with you. Um, but, uh,

Anyway, but so getting to know some of the people there. I would hang out in the building. I met Don Lemon. I met Chris Cuomo there. I met like a bunch of these guys, you know, briefly. Like I didn't know him like super well or nothing. Salt of the Earth truth tellers.

Well, yes, that's right. The great journalists of our time. And there's but I there's this thing. There's like an air about people where you can kind of read them pretty quickly. So like I saw things were like a Don Lemon type or someone would walk in the room and be, you know, kind of like just got off the phone with Dick Cheney's chief of staff. And he gave me the inside on this and that. And like they're kind of they're all in love with the fact that.

that they like, Ooh, I just talked to a Senator and I'm like, I know this guy. And the head of the New York times said that blah, blah, blah, blah. And like, and they go to the cocktail parties that like they're in this world. And just as you were talking about, like having to give up your world of like even liberal comedian friends or something is tough. But when you really have like a feeling of status like that, and it's like your self worth, it's almost like this, the only like one in

20 of them have to be actual CIA guys. You know what I mean? The rest of them, the rest of them are all just playing that game where they're just like, I'm not going to say the thing that will get me kicked out of this club. And they're very good at signaling what that thing is. Like you're allowed to go up to this point, but all the things you just named Jimmy, like the,

vax injuries or the truth about the war in ukraine or the truth about the war in gaza or all these liberty or russia gate well that's a great yeah i just i didn't catch the whole thing but that's so cool you guys had an interview about that because that's one of like the crazy forgotten stories of uh of history but all of this stuff right that you know you're not allowed to talk about a lot of people

There, there's a certain personality type where people are built like the way where you're like, I don't care. I'll take all these bullets. I don't care. I believe in what I believe in. Most people don't feel that way. We're pack animals and most people don't want to be isolated from the pack. That's where danger is. That's where you get, you know what I mean? That's where like the societal pull. Yeah. Well, if you think about it, like that's where a predator comes out and gets you. You're safe in numbers. You're vulnerable alone. And so most people,

And I'm sure this is the case with Jon Stewart, too. He knows a lot of this stuff. He knows pretty well, but he's just not going to touch it because like then he loses everything he has. Yeah. Well, once you get molested in the pack, you realize it's not so safe inside. You might fare better. So, Jon, so George Carlin has a little bit more to say. I want to play this country. Everybody's at the mall.

scratching his ass, picking his nose, taking his credit card out of his fanny pack and buying a pair of sneakers with lights in them. I like sneakers with lights in them. I don't know why he's got to come down on those. I saw, did you know in the 50s they invented tires that lit up? Why don't they fucking have those anymore? They have tires that light up. I don't ever see them. You've seen them? Yeah, I've seen them in video games. I haven't seen them in real life. Here we go.

Here we go. Hang on. Because if it's really just the fault of these politicians, then where are all the other bright people of conscience? Where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans ready to do a podcast and save the nation and lead the way? We don't have people like that in this country. Everybody's at the mall.

Scratching his ass, picking his nose, taking his credit card out of his fanny pack and buying a pair of sneakers with lights in them. You don't have moles. You don't have moles anymore. So I have solved this little political dilemma for myself in a very simple way. On election day, I stay home. I don't vote. Fuck them. Fuck them. I don't vote. Two reasons. Two reasons I don't vote. First of all, it's meaningless.

This country was bought and sold and paid for a long time ago. The shit they shuffle around every four years doesn't mean a fucking thing. And secondly, I don't vote because I believe if you... So what are you... What's your response to that? That he doesn't vote and I believe he didn't. Um...

Even though members of the family tried to say that he liked Hillary Clinton, I can't imagine that. But he doesn't – because voting doesn't matter. The people own it. And what do you say to that, Dave? Well, far be it for me to argue with the legend George Carlin.

But yeah, I mean, look, there's certain cases like there are local votes, I think, that really matter. You know what I mean? Like if you could go down and like vote for your sheriff and there might be a really big difference between the two sheriffs running. And so, you know what I mean? Like there are there's some things like that. But if you're talking about voting for president, well, first of all, the majority of the country is it is either like a deep blue or a deep red state. So if you're voting for president,

You know, like I'm in New Jersey. This is going Democrat. So to go vote Democrat would be a waste to go vote Republican would be a waste. It's nothing. But even like you're entering into something where you have what a one one hundred and fifty millionth of a say in it. And what does it take you? What's the time commitment to vote? I guess not much now if you're just mailing in a ballot. So whatever. But.

You know, it's like you could do almost anything else with that time and have done something more productive for society than to vote for one of the major two parties which are identical on all of the issues that matter. They do. They are identical. And that's why. Well, yeah.

You know, that's so there's the swing states. Right. So there's like eight people in eight different states that get to decide who's the actual president and the president that's already been preselected. And the one president that wasn't was Donald Trump. And the reason why is because they don't have superdelegates like they have in the Democratic Party. And if they had superdelegates, believe me, would have got rid of Donald Trump that way. Right.

So that's why I think, you know, Bernie Sanders should have run in the Republican Party in 2020 if he was serious about anything. But he's not serious. I'm always surprised.

To see comedians who still think there's a difference between the two parties and people who think themselves, or there's like Greg Proops, who calls himself the smartest guy in the world, is that maybe the dumbest guy I've ever seen in my life politically. He has a big vocabulary, but you go to his Twitter feed and it still has him with Joe Biden and Kamala Harris as they're committing a genocide. And he's somehow a better person than a right winger. It's just it's.

it's I'm just gobsmacked at how stupid that but of course he's made his whole life through his whole living has come through the establishment he's been embraced by them and so you expected more from a giant of improv I mean that just one example that's just one example and the only reason I feel comfortable calling him out is because he's blocked me on Twitter so he already hates me so who cares right um

But I just can't imagine being that dumb.

that you would think that Joe Biden, who's been the biggest racist politician since he started, has been the enemy to black and brown. I had to tell, I had to school Cornel West about that. And I'll say, you know what? Black and brown people are locked up at higher rates, not because of Donald Trump, but because of Joe Biden. You realize that. Of course he realizes that, but he's never going to say it because that would wreck his position in the ivory tower world he's lived in for the last 45 years. So there's just, I'm just, it's just these...

How do you share my disappointment in, you know, your own profession? I mean, talk about commit comedy and go ahead. Yeah. Well, see, the problem is like really what happened is that and this is I'll put my libertarian angle on this, too. But the thing is that the government has gotten so much bigger.

in the last 20 years I don't think people truly appreciate that we've basically lived through a revolution like the country in the nineteen nineties bears no resemblance to the country today in the government up today bears no resemblance to the government even in the nineteen nineties there was all these things like the Department of Homeland Security didn't exist yes a didn't exist you know the like the Patriot Act didn't exist there are there's so many things like this that we still have a nice corpus

Yeah. Yes. Like, and there were problems. There were lots of problems and there were, we were already going in this direction, but like, as the government's gotten bigger and bigger and bigger politics, you just feel it. It seeps into every part of life more and more and more. Like everything's political sporting events are political.

Children's libraries are political, like everything. And the problem is just that like most people shouldn't talk or give their opinions about politics at all. It's a specialized thing. Most people don't know what the fuck they're talking about. And they just kind of like drink the Kool-Aid of whatever the popular opinion is around them. And it's terrible. I just wish all. So, yes, I'm disappointed with it. But like before you have available in your areas, Kool-Aid, it's probably, you know.

Well, like, Kurt, you know, but you know this. And I just I say this to Kurt just because, like, me and him were in the New York scene for so many years together. And like, so we know a lot of the same people. But, you know, like during the rise of like wokeism and all this shit, there were just so many comedians, like comedians we'd know who would come and like make a point and just say the same, you know, like bullshit point about whatever. And you just be like, you're not even a person who's supposed to have a point. Yeah.

What are you talking about? You're looking at life. Comedy means something and politics means something. They're looking at, I want to get ahead in this thing. My profession is not disappointing me. I like doing comedy. The business was always a big piece of shit. So the assholes that ran the business...

That after after occupy Wall Street it was time to start pushing this this thing cuz I really scared them Yeah, and uh and so you want to suck up to the right company, right? You see that girl I came in with dumb football player He made some trad cat speech and then this this girl who used to be a cheerleader for the same team came back Oh, did you not get PR lessons because that's not how we talk neither of them work for the anymore by the way, so

Like neither one of them work for it. And she's programmed to care about the company. Everybody's programmed to never punch out and always be like your brand. You're not even the cow the brand is on. You're the brand.

Yeah, I think that's true. But look, one of the things that's really been cool about the last few years, and I'm sure you see this too, like, I don't know, I was just thinking about this, but when you said the thing about Cornel West and you were making the point about Joe Biden, who is, it's every bit as bad if you don't know the history of it. I'm telling you, Joe Biden's record on drugs is worse than you could possibly imagine. Like in the 80s, before the crime bill, in the 80s, he partnered up with Strom Thurmond

the segregationist and, and pressured Reagan from his right to, to crack down even more as Ronald Reagan was ramping up the war on drugs. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then they went, look, this is bipartisan support for a crime safety, you know, he's, but so anyway, the point I'm making is that over these last few years,

It is like this crazy litmus test where you get to see who's who. So Cornel West may fail that test, but then did you see when Bill Maher was grilling Killer Mike? So I wanted to... And he's just like, nope, sorry, not doing that for those exact reasons. And then you get to see kind of like who's who and who passes the test. I just want to follow up on your Bill Maher point, was that that was great to see Killer Mike do that because I did not expect that from him because...

So that was great. But the thing that, and he got arrested like a night later. Yeah, that's right. At the Grammys, right? So yeah, he got arrested. So I wonder if those two things are connected. That was them, hey, you better not say that shit again. Anyway, but Bill Maher went on, he's got a book, I guess, and he went on a right-wing tour, went on Gutfeld, he went out with Megyn Kelly.

And he did you see like it was a week or two ago he had Bill Burr on and he told Bill, see, Bill, that's why you shouldn't talk about politics. It's my thing. And Bill said, who the fuck are you? You don't know anything. You act like you're a general. You don't know shit. And when he went on that right wing tour, he got proven that Bill Maher didn't know shit. He thought cops actually got killed on January 6th. He thought he still thinks Russiagate is fucking real.

Well, it's kind of, it was very interesting to me because there's this new kind of, um, like new ecosystem of, you know, like whatever we call all these shows, people still use the word podcast all the time, even though we, none of us have had an iPod in 20 years, but, uh, but whatever these shows are, the ones that are kind of outside of like the, the main corporate world, it's, it's interesting to see Bill Maher start

You know, like instead of just going, say, to the Tonight Show and things like that, you see like he gets to have this air of like, you know, I actually know things. And in order for politics, you have to know things and that, you know. But then when you write, like when he actually starts and sits down and has a conversation with anyone in this world, it's like, oh, you're going to actually get pushed on this. Hey, become a premium member. Go to JimmyDoreComedy.com. Sign up. It's the most affordable premium program in the business. Freak out. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. All the voices performed today are by the one and only, the inimitable Mike McRae. He can be found at MikeMcRae.com. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. That's it for this week. You be the best you can be, and I'll keep being me. Don't freak out. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't freak out. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.

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