Owen Thiele: Threesomes, Facetune & Ozempic
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Call Her Daddy. That is 50% off, Daddy Gang. Unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 50% off at rosettastone.com slash callherdaddy. What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Owen Thiel, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Thank you. Let's talk about your childhood. Wait, actually.

Let's dive in. I'm not kidding. Let's actually dive in. Okay, okay, okay. First of all, we have to explain to everyone what the fuck is going on. Okay, because we have been friends. And then as we've been friends, we decided why the fuck are we not working together? And obviously... Well, that's not what really happened. I think I pressured you into working with me. No, this is not true. Kind of a little. Just admit it. Admit it for the cameras at least. Okay, that would be a lie though because let me tell you something. I will never forget. Obviously, we've hung out and I'm like, he's so funny, he's so funny, he's so funny.

Then we are at a party and you start talking about how you never, like you're always on the phone. You're calling your mom at 3 a.m. And I am hysterically laughing and people are laughing at you, but I'm in the corner. Like, no, no one's laughing. You are laughing. Everyone else is like, Owen, I need to find the video for you. I start filming you at the party. And I'm filming you because I'm thinking you're so funny that I'm like, I need to remember this in the morning. Like, oh, in my mind, you're filming to send to people to be like, this man is seriously needs help. Like take him away. Oh,

no, I'm like, I need to show this to my company because he needs to fucking work with us. You are so funny. You are so talented. And now you are officially launching a show on the annual network. It is like full fucking circle. However, I couldn't remember this morning when the fuck was the first time we met, when the fuck was the first time we met? It was at a,

a party, a young Hollywood party. And yes, and you were sitting at a table. I remember this so distinctly. And I walked up to you because you were sitting with a friend of mine and I walked up to you being like, hi, pretending. Do you ever do that thing with like people that you're obsessed with? Oh, of course. You pretend like you don't know who they are. So I was like, sure. Hi, someone sitting here? Literally.

Literally like, okay, whatever. Sit down next to you. Literally. And then I was like, I remember performing. I remember performing. I do remember that. And I remember being like, why am I at this party? Like, I didn't know anyone. And you made me feel so comfortable. Well, I was performing. I was obsessed with you when I was performing. You were like, I was literally auditioning for the part. I was auditioning for Unwell, obviously. And then the last time we were together, we were at a party and we were playing charades together and we were so fucking bad. And I was peeing my pants though with you. I was horrible. I was so bad. But I can't play charades because I'm...

Okay. Is that the game? Wait, what's the, what's heads up? Heads up. Heads up. Heads up. So I'm playing heads up. Okay. This is what I do in heads up. And you drop the phone and then you go, oops, drop the phone. You see the name. Then you pick it back up and you're like, didn't see that. And then you're like, wait, Ellen DeGeneres comes to you. You're like, wait, bad bunny. And then everyone's like, yeah, I always cheat. Okay.

I'm crying. I always lie too on podcasts. On podcasts especially, I lie. So I might... Are you just going to lie here today? 100%. I'm going to lie 100%. I'm going to lie through this whole podcast. So I was on Love Island season two. You might not have seen it. So I just lie the whole way through. No, I do... Yeah, I cheat and I lie. I know.

My boyfriend watches this and is like, I cheat. And I like, however, you always have good lip gloss. That's so true. Right? I think the first couple times that I've ever seen you in person, I always saw you holding road peptide serum. And you're not even putting it on your lips. You're eating it. No. I squirted it in my mouth. Can I be honest? That's actually how you stay thin.

I'm not kidding. A little bit of road. It does taste good, but I I'm serious. I've asked Haley. I've said, can you eat it? She goes, I think it's fine. I was like, think I know. I was like, I'm alive. I'm standing. You look amazing today. You're not wearing so much. Oh, well, you know, my thing about talking about the OZM pick.

So I am not on Ozempic. I just want to put that out there. I want to make a statement to everyone who cares. To all my fans. To all the people that know me. But I think a lot of people will think you are because you look so good. So just tiny. I'm wasting away. No, I am not on Ozempic, but I did.

purchase Ozempic. Okay. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And so I haven't shot up because I'm afraid of needles. I'm afraid. I'm like, what is Ozempic? What is this white stuff? What is, what is this white cream, creamy liquid you're ingesting? It's like horrible. So anyways, I haven't shot up, but every time I open my fridge, I see the Ozempic. So I'm like, I think I'm on that.

It's a placebo effect. It's emotional Ozempic. I'm coining it. I'm coining it. Emotional Ozempic. Every morning you see it, you're like, oh, I'm skinny legend. 100%. Okay, so Owen, you're on Ozempic, which we love for you. I remember that you posted a picture. First of all, you are doing a television series based loosely on your life?

It's based on my life. It hasn't been picked up yet. So let's knock on wood that Amazon is watching this being like, we need to pick that up. Let me just tell you something. I don't know exactly what it's going to be about, but one of my favorite movies of all time is Cheaper by the Dozen. And when I was scrolling through your Instagram and at the last, you guys go to Owen's Instagram and it is like an Amazon picture of like

potential show about to run of your life. You scroll and there is a family fucking photo of your family and it is giving cheaper by the dozen through and through. There are so many of you. So many. All white. All white. Yeah. And then there's you. Yeah. Can you explain like the feels? Like what is happening? What is your family vibe? Okay, so first of all, my grandma and grandpa have been divorced so many times and remarried. So like

We have a lot of step half. Like, just, there's a crazy family. My grandma's likes to fuck. My grandma gets down. She's actually just passed away. Oh my God.

I love you. She would actually love that. I'm not kidding. She's looking down at me like, I do fuck. Anyways, so she remarried a lot of times and we had a lot of, I have a lot of aunts and uncles. I have like eight aunts and uncles, or nine aunts and uncles. It's insane. I'm sorry. I'm not over your grandma. Can we have a moment for your grandma? Wait, what? Should we do a moment of silence? Yeah. Can I tell you something? Whenever I do a moment of silence, I have to talk through it. Okay. Grandma, let's do a little seance for grandma. Okay, let's do a seance.

grandma i don't know it's your grandma okay i'll start it okay nanny that's what i called her nanny you're fucking iconic you were always so nice to me and you always let me wear your lip gloss she did actually she's obsessed with it she was obsessed with me being gay it's like a thing um you fucked a lot of men and i think you were honestly fluid i think you were queer

And I don't think you ever told me that, but I'm just guessing. So grandma, I love you. I love you, queen. I love you, lesbian queen. No, you're outing your grandma. No, I do think she's fluent.

Really? Yeah. Do you think any of her partners were women? No, a lot of her partners were gay men, which makes sense, right? And then she loved you so much. It was like she felt connected. Oh, my God. Wait, no, not in that way. She's trying to fuck me? Oh, my God. Wait, I just had to – wait, now I'm freaking out. Now I don't feel close to her. I'm like, oh, my God, now I know why you were touching my leg. I'm sweating. Are you sweating? I'm not sweating yet, but I will.

Can I get it down to 67? Wait, what is it now? 69. Oh, my grandma. My grandma's like opening her legs in the air. She's in heaven fucking. 100%. Okay, so we have grandma. She was fucking. She was fucking a lot. Was grandpa a hoe or no? Grandpa wasn't a hoe. Grandpa was like a quiet hoe. Do you know what I mean? Oh, those are kind of the best. No, obviously. He was hot when he was young. He's going to watch this. Absolutely.

He's actually... You're fully objectifying your grandparents. He's also 97 years old. This will be his... He will watch this and we will be taking him to... The hospital. No, we will be burying him. He will watch this and we will be ultimately digging a grave. He's amazing. So, yeah. So, I have a lot of aunts and uncles. But my story is that I was adopted at birth from Houston, Texas. Shout out. So, Beyonce's from Houston, Texas. I...

secretly think that Tina Knowles is my mom. So I think that she gave me up because she was like, I have two stars. I have Solange and Beyonce. I can't have another. That's my theory because if you look at my face, it's very similar to Beyonce's. Very similar. I really see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, no. There is something that's similar. Also, the

aura is just so similar and the voice too get us with the voice get us with a little hello hello hello can I be honest I actually sing oh but I'm not gonna sing right now do it right now no no you piece of shit it's your moment it

Make a wish or not. No, no, no. My make a wish is this. I don't need another thing. Do you know what I mean? I don't need to become a pop star too. Can you guys bring Beyonce in? I do have a surprise for you. I have a surprise for you. Bring her in. No, you're kidding. No, I'm just kidding. Oh my God, your face. No, I'm actually bringing the mom. Tina, she's my mom. I'm not kidding. If I saw her, I would start to cry because I'd be like, I would have a, what's that thing when you, I would have a maternal instinct. Oh wait, she would have a maternal instinct. Her uterus. I don't have a uterus. Okay. Anyways.

So I'm from this big white Jewish family. I was adopted at birth. Yes. These white people picked me up. They were like, I'll be your white saviors. Cut that. And what are you in line of? Like, how many siblings do you have? Zero. I'm an only child. The golden child. But I have so, so, so many cousins. I have like thousands of cousins. I can't even name them.

I have too many but I'm the only child how crazy I think only children are freaks gonna cure cancer and I think they'll also kill your brother you know what I mean they will they they're hiding bodies and they also will do something on they'll also write like the next great American novel I was about to say like were you as a child in your house like bored or like what were you up to because you're an only child because my mom is my best friend but it's

It sounds like, oh, my mom's my best friend. No, no, no. Like, it's different. Like, my boyfriend broke up with me first year of college. Okay. Okay. And my mom comes to New York. I went to NYU. Okay. For a day because I was so emotional from this breakup. Of course. Of course. That I ultimately had to drop out. But my mom came to New York. Okay. Lived in my dorm with me for two weeks and was like, just like, she was like, I need to be your comfort animal. I need to be your spirit animal. Did you have a roommate? No.

No. Oh, well, that's another story. Oh, okay. We'll get there. We're going to go. We're going to go. We're going to start. Okay. Okay. And then we're swarming. Okay. Okay. So where did you grow up here? Here. Yeah. Oh, how sad. Oh, kind of love. Do you meet people from LA? Do you meet LA natives and are like, I hate you? Okay. So I remember when I lived in New York city and

I had a lot of like things online that I was trying to like look up like what is the vibe of LA and a lot of people were like ooh like the people that are from LA are like fucking pieces of shit they're like losers whatever and I was like I don't know then I met Matt my husband and I was like wait I actually shout out and I was like I actually feel like the people that are from LA are way more normal because well not normal is uselessly but normal because in the transplants like we're all just trying hard to like be here and like fit in and everything you guys are try-hards we're the original yes I'm a fucking loser you're

cool. Matt's cool. But now I'm cooler by association because I'm married to a guy that's from the Valley. So wholesome. Wait, where did Matt grow up? Literally the Valley. Like Encino. He went to Campbell Hall. Literally Matt went to Campbell Hall. Bring in Matt. Fly in Matt. Fly in Matt. Ding, ding. Matty. That's amazing. Campbell Hall and wait, is Oakwood young? That's where my mom went to Oakwood. My mom went to Oakwood. Wait, are they in the same grade? Oh my God.

That's literally 50 years younger. Honestly, he is an older man. Okay. Can I spit a fact at you and tell me if this is right? I read recently that your grandpa, the hoe himself, was Marilyn Monroe's agent. Does that make you an epi baby? So, and my grandma, the one who was married to the hoe, is, bless, bless up, was Grace Kelly's bridesmaid.

Like iconic bridesmaids. You're literally an apple baby. But I don't think I'm an apple baby because what else did they do? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Has my grandpa helped me? No. Marilyn's been dead for 50 years. That man has another job and I don't know how long. Trust me. I go to, I begged. You begged. I begged. You're like, come on, grandpa. I was like, before I went to, it was either college or start my career. And I went to my grandpa and I said, what are we going to do? He said, college. He looks at me, he goes, college. Love it.

And you're like, you don't want to like, you know, pay for my apartment and set me up and get me a little. Okay. So you're not a nepo, but it's kind of fun to like pretend. I think, can I be honest? I think I'm a nepo friend. My friends happen to be very talented and famous. So true. So I think that by association, I'm a nepo friend. I'm always asking them, I'm knocking at the door. Will you put me in that? Right. But you're kind of like a social climber. I walk out, I storm out, I leave. Yeah. No, I'm a social climber. A hundred percent. I know.

No, but 100%. I would love to do a PSA being like, I think it's okay to be a social climber. How do you get ahead in life? Sorry. You fucking kidding me? No, but also I will say the people that I've technically social climbed on are like the most amazing. Like I would love, like I would choose them if they were. We're joking. We're joking. If they were peasants. We're joking. But they're not. They're literally like some of the most famous people in the world. It's fine. Okay. Listen to me.

Tell me. Because of your big family. Yes. How did it go introducing like a boyfriend to the family? Like when Jared met your whole family, like did he like them? I had a boyfriend before Jared. Obviously. But in high school. Okay. And is he your second boyfriend? Jared's my second boyfriend. And you've been together for? 10 years. It'll be 10 years this year.

It's so scary. 10 years? 10 years. And you guys, whenever I see you guys, you're so in love. That's so nice. No, it is. You should see us at home. Not like that. We're like, I'm going to sleep in that room tonight. You're going to sleep on the couch? Perfect. Love you. Kiss like this. We touch hands. We don't even kiss anymore. And we're gay. And I feel like in a gay community, there's everyone's...

open and having fun, which I love and I respect, and I just personally can't do. You can't do it. I've had one threesome in my life, and I got so overwhelmed. And honestly, I was like, I'm not even attracted to you. I was looking at him like – I was looking at his pores, his eyebrows. I was like, nice nose. I was like, I can't. So I left Jared in the room, and I went to the bathroom and did my whole skin routine.

So I came out with a face mask on. She's masked. Literally looked at the guy. I said, he come yet? Jared said, not yet. I said, I'll give you guys five. I left. It was great. Came back. He came. He was on the bed. He was like, literally, the guy was cuddled up on the bed. I looked at Jared. I said, he's not sleeping here. Jared said, I was like, Jared.

He heard the whole conversation. He was like, I'll leave. I'll leave. I'll leave. I was like, no, that wasn't about you. That was about my dog. No. Hold on. Owen refucking whined. Mid threesome. Yes. Where did you guys meet this guy? On an app? Oh. Okay. So this is the story. We met him on an app. Okay.

I was on an app called Field for one second. What is Field? Field is like this, I think you're exploring, you're having threesomes, you're into BDSM, you're a brat tamer. I just found this out. Brat tamer. What is a brat tamer? It's like when one person's a brat in bed and one's the brat tamer. Oh. How hot. What are you?

Well, I think I'm always kind of a brat, right? If I'm leaving the room during a threesome, I think I'm pretty much a brat. You're a fucking brat. You're not the tamer. I think I'm a brat. If I was the tamer, who's the brat then? Oh, my God. No, so I, yeah, so I left during the threesome. Okay, so you met. So we met on field. Okay. Okay, but I only used Jared's photos because I was like, no, I was in theater camp. I was, I'm famous. Oh, and

Literally three minutes of a movie. I go, I can't be on this app. You're like, I'm who I am. By the way, Jared, Emma Chamberlain Silas got more comments being like, hey, love your work. I put my face up. No one says anything. You're literally like, Jared, you're nobody. I am like, I'm making

I'm making moves. I'm massive. I'm cute. Look me up. They're going to want to use us to get my connections to get in the industry. Exactly. Jared's literally sitting there. Like, if you go to his Instagram, it's like Sabrina Carpenter, Emma. And you're like, Jared, it's me. It's me they're looking for. So you be the front facing. Okay, so you put Jared's photos up. Also hilarious. I've been pictured with Emma, who I love so dearly, and Sabrina, who I love so dearly, in the back. And Jared's next to me. And everyone's like, Jared, Jared. And I'm like, I'll comment from a fake out. Owen. What?

I'll literally try anything. You have 17 bank accounts. 100%. Oh my God, Owen looks amazing. Rat Tamer 212 says, Owen. I can't use your voice. Owen Fan Club 418 goes, you run your own fan club again. Literally, wearing those jeans again, Owen. Oh.

Change your outfit, girl. No, we met this guy. Okay. Fuck, we're never going to get through a story. He really, I think, thought he was just meeting up with Jared, which ended up being kind of what happened. Good luck. Good luck, babe. No, so he met, he came to the house. We were talking for a second and then it just starts. Well, it was so awkward. Do you drink at all? I was like, no. So I drink, of course, but I didn't drink that night.

So I was like, but I offered him and he said he was sober. So I said, obviously me too. Yeah. Just plain lie. I was like, no, I'm sober. For years. But I lied to him about being sober fully. Of course. And then we sat next to him on the couch and he was sitting in the middle and I was looking at Jared and Jared was looking at me. We were both like, and Jared was like, I was like, no, he thinks it's you. He thinks he's only saw your face. He now thinks he doesn't know what's happening. He doesn't even know you guys are together. He thinks I'm the help. He thinks it's you.

He doesn't know. Yeah, exactly. He's like, who the fuck is this? You two times us? You brought two random freaks here? I'm like, no, I'm the boyfriend of 10 years. Anyway, so I'm sitting with this guy. Then we start making out. Do you initiate or does Jared? I initiate because I'm like, fuck it. Is Jared going to freak out that you're telling this story? Not at all. He's like,

Get it. We call him. He will probably. Okay. Love you, Jared. But it's my story. So he, they, we, I start making out Jared and him start making out. Then I'm like, okay, I'm just going to elevate this. So I like straddle him. Right. Boom. Boom. We're making out horrible kisser. So I'm like, I'm just done. I get, and then I like back up and I do this like cute romantic thing where you like look at someone's face, but I've been in a relationship for so long that I realized you shouldn't do this in a threesome. But I look at his face and I'm like,

You're so cute. Do you know what I mean? Like, so Sex and the City vibe. Meanwhile, in your head, you're like, I literally hate you and you're not cute. A hundred percent. But as I'm saying, you're so cute, I'm looking at his face and I'm like, no, he's cute. He's cute. He's cute. He's cute. So then I'm like, Jared, take over, babe. Jared takes over. They move to the bed. We move to the bedroom. On the way to the bedroom, I peel off. No, Owen! I take a right hand turn into the bathroom. I go, I'll be right in. Peeing. Peeing. I'm so hard. I have to pee.

I'm peeing. I'm like, fuck it. I'm not going to deal with that. That's not for me. So I go, actually, I really wanted to take my skin more seriously. So I was like, and now is actually the time. Is Jared like, babe, get the fuck in here? Or he's just like, oh, and? I actually think Jared was having the fucking time of his life, which is actually a problem. Right.

Which is actually, now that I'm retelling the story, I'm like, well, Jared and I will be broken up by the time this episode airs. You're like mid-scrub looking in and he's not even wondering where you are. You're like, what the fuck, Jared? I'm actually calling it in, saying, all good. He's not responding because he's getting mouth fucked.

Jared's going to have a panic attack. Jared is going to have a panic attack. I'm going to lose all my clients. Your clients are going to like you even more. Don't worry. Yes, it's a good thing. Everyone's like, fuck, are you kidding? Look at Sabrina. She sings about, that's not me espresso. That's not me espresso, honey. So, oh my God, would have been a really fun song to- God, you like turn it up and you're like, oh. You walk in the room and you're like, oh.

I go LA get up I'm straddling him okay anyways so you don't do the threesome no I'm like I'm done with that I don't want to do that and afterwards when you kick him out is Jared like what the fuck happened or he's just like I don't even care Jared says you want to talk about that and I say talk about what and then he of course but he's like talk about what and I'm like yeah what and we look at each other and then he's like night and he crawls into bed we go to bed happy as a clam wake up forgot it happened

And then that man, then I went to, I was invited to one event. I've ever been invited to one event. The one event I was invited to was this gorgeous event in Palm Springs. I'm like, I'm invited. I'm like, holy shit. So you got to go. I'm like, I have to fucking go. So I go, obviously they invite me to Palm Springs one. I have to drive three hours. They're like, it's for Palm Springs locals, but you can come. So I drive three hours. I, I, I'm, I'm sitting there and this guy goes, can I take a photo of you? And I go, yeah. And it's the guy.

Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck. What do you say? Nothing? I look at him. He looks at me. And we both choose to not acknowledge each other. No. To ignore it. So I go, of course you could take a picture. He goes, takes it. And he goes, I think this angle is going to be better. I go, you know my angles. You probably know my angles. Owen. Literally, we ignore it.

And you just move the fuck on. I text Jared being like threesome guys here. Jared's like, what? He's like, so he's like, I want to come. I'm like, again, red flag. You're like, I'm not fucking him. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Just taking photos of me.

Yeah, so that's him. And is that the last threesome that you had? That was the last threesome we had. Jared's angling for another. And how are you feeling? Obviously, I kind of want to do my skin routine. I'm kind of bored. You're like, by threesome, it's like you have sex in the other room and I will be on my shit. Okay, so Jared has never... Jared, I'm his first...

I'm his first of everything. So I really do think I want to be the partner that's like, get it out of your system. And I'm so lucky that I can kind of be there while he's doing it. Do you know what I mean? Because he's not falling in love. Wait, that's what I was going to say. You don't get jealous. No. Not at all. No, I used to. With my ex. I was so jealous. Wait, what changed?

Is there crying? No. You're like, you know, I'm not here. No, I don't know what changed, actually. I think I just am so secure in my relationship now that I'm like, I think if you fuck someone else, you'll still kind of come back. Right. Like, you're fine. Like, you know that, like, what you have is stronger than that. And you also are, like, able to separate the, like, insecurity of him moving on where you're like, no, no, no. I actually want you to have fun and experience other things. But I know our emotional connection. We'll never beat that. And by the way, he...

I think that now. And then I'm like, I'm, he could meet somebody tomorrow and be like, but I think for right now, 10 years, 10 years. Yeah. 10 years. So crazy. Are you interested in marriage or no? You want to just like be in? Of course. Oh, you are. Oh my God. I want your wedding. So,

Can I have your exact wedding? Yeah, I will like literally plan for you. I'm not kidding. I got you. I really want marriage. I'm very like traditional in that way. I'm like, I want to have kids. I want to get married. I want to wear that white gorgeous dress on my aisle. No, I won't wear that. You won't? You would look so cute. So cute. And like a fun princess, like big like. Ball gown. Oof. Okay, so you would. I want a wedding. Okay.

Can we talk about your late night situation? So tell me when Owen and I, like I was saying earlier, when we met, well, no, when we were at a party together, you were talking about how you would always call your mom at night. And I was dying laughing and I thought it was the funniest thing. And so when we had some of our first meetings about like what your show was going to be about, it was not even a question that like you were going to basically do a podcast at nighttime because what you're fucking nocturnal. Okay. So first of all,

I sleep like this isn't a bit. This is not a bit. And I feel like doctors do watch this and doctors are not going to be reaching out to me being like, I think they're fans. They're actually not. They're actually worried about me. Yes. I sleep an hour and a half to two hours a night. Oh, like seriously, three to five is when I sleep. It's three to three to five in the morning. Three a.m. to five a.m. Yeah. And sometimes it's like four thirty and I'm up and I'm like, whoa.

I'm like up I'm like SoulCycle you open girl coming to you like woo riding the bike no one's in there it's 4am I'm up like I'm really up are you tired no I don't get tired what and I don't take naps what

What is wrong? Oh my God. And you are so young and vibrant. What is happening? I think I'm going to age really rapidly. No, no, no. I think it's going to, ultimately the collagen will sink. No, and then the Botox. Of course. And then I'm pulling my face. Someone's holding my face back in Idaho. So what do you do during the night while Jared is sleeping? Oh my God, I call everyone. Okay. I'll talk to everyone. Also, I've made friends in different countries so that I could call people.

So one of my dear friends, who's a 60-year-old woman, is in Peru. Hold on. She's in Peru. So I'm like, hey, Jill. She's like, hey. I'm like, what time is it? She's like, 2 p.m. I'm like, woo! It's 4 a.m. Wait, who is Jill? Jill is this random 60-year-old woman who I've become friends with. How? So her kids went to my high school, and I just became friends with the mom. What is that?

Sounds weird. I feel like you have literally so many random things like that. Well, I'm obsessed with like 60-year-old women. What? 60-year-old women are like my niche. Really? That's the only people going to listen to the podcast. 60-year-old women.

It's giving demographic. 100%. You are pulling in a new demographic for Unwell. The 60-year-old women. Fuck Gen Z. I'm going to turn them on to Harry and Chelsea. They're going to be loving Alex Earl. Oh my God. It's 60-year-old women. No, but I do have friends. Like one of my friends is in Paris. Is she 60? No. No. She's just my age. She's actually my age. But she lives in Paris and I talk to her all night. And your mother? And my mom I call all night. And my mom stays up because...

I'm up, which is so unhealthy. Mom, get help and get sleep. What is a normal conversation at 3 a.m. with your mother like? Well, we're so close and we talk every second of the day that it's kind of just like, she's like, are you in bed? I'm like, yeah, are you? And Jared's next to me, by the way. So you're in bed. Yeah, Jared uses earplugs. So you're rolling calls. Oh, also watching TikTok.

Also, by the way, I'm calling places in different countries. I'm making – I do this thing now. It's my favorite game. It's my favorite game. I will call London. I'll call hotels. I'll call restaurants. I'll call anywhere and be like, hi, I'm coming in tomorrow. Is there – wait, tell me about your menu. I'm just like – talk to me about that. And they'll be like, hi, we can't – we're kind of busy right now. I'm like, you're slammed, right, 6 p.m.?

But this is why the podcast is so genius that you are going to be able to, first of all, let Jared fucking sleep and you're going to be able to go into your other room. You have this new set. You're going to sit down and you can just, you can even roll calls on the podcast. I will. I would listen to you fucking asking what the like option for dessert is at the fucking sushi place in London. A hundred percent. That's what I do. That's literally what I do. And my mom, I think would love to sleep. I think she's actually getting to the point where she's like,

Hey, at 2.30, she says to me now, she's like,

And I'm like, what? She's like, nothing. Nothing. I'm like, she's like, okay. I'm like, good. Yeah. And are your parents still together? Yeah. Is your dad in bed? Yeah. We do the same thing. And he puts on the earplugs? If you cut to both of us, split screen, it's both of us like this. Zoom out. Both are boyfriends and husbands next to us. I think I would have to divorce Matt if he was doing that. Oh, a hundred. You need to marry this man. I need to marry this man. What is the weirdest late night phone call that you have ever made in your life? It's recent. It was recent. Okay. Okay.

This is so weird. What? Okay. So it's not actually not that weird. Okay. Actually it is. Okay. So I was, I'm a really bad driver as everybody who knows me knows. I'm, I, I'm very bad. Okay. Which I feel like is like a gay thing to be like a bad driver. Maybe not. Maybe that's homophobic, but I'm, I'm a horrible driver. Okay. Bad. So I was looking through my contacts and I found a thing that said hit and run Carl.

So I called it. In your phone, you have hit and run Carl. Okay. And you don't remember? So I do remember because he explained it to me. I'm literally friends with him now. We can literally call him. Hit and run Carl. So what happened was I hit him. No, sorry. He hit. Okay. What happened was he hit me. Okay. In your car. Car collision. Car collision. He hits me. Okay. I run. So I get his number. So I guess. Yes. This is a true thing.

So I get his number. How do you get his number? Out of the window. He comes up to my car. He goes, I'm so sorry I hit you. And I go, no worries. Can we exchange numbers? I had a nail appointment. I had to get to it. My car, by the way, I didn't even get out of my car. I didn't get out of my car. Are you like... I didn't see the damage. But I know there's damage because my car is now actually... It's kind of horizontal at this point. It was like it's now not in a lane. So I'm like, hmm, that's weird. So he...

He comes up to my window. He goes, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I go, what's your name? He goes, Carl. Kind of hot, honestly. I was kind of like, Carl, you sure you hit me? I'm like, hit me again. He goes, so I hit you. We need to exchange insurances. And I go, of course. I go, what's your number? He gives me his number. He walks. I go, get your insurance. He walks back to the car. I speed away. My bumper. Oh.

I had to get to my nail appointment. I had to get to Yuka. So I sit down with Yuka. Yuka, of course. You always have nice nails. Well, I just took them off. I used to have acrylics. Took them off. You always have long nails. I've never seen you with short. It's my new thing. Hot. Hot. Okay. Anyways, I was in my acrylic phase. Yeah. Had to go to Yuka. Sitting down with Yuka. Yuka's like, what happened today? I'm like, actually nothing. It's been a boring day. Meanwhile, my car's completely destroyed. It's totaled. In the parking lot. She's looking at the car. She's like, nothing. Nothing.

Nothing happened. Good job. She like thinks I've actually got through brain damage during the collision. So she – so then I forget about him and – He's elated. He's like, I don't have to pay for shit? He's – obviously he's thrilled. This man just won the lottery. He just – well, actually, not really because his car is totaled too. But he just hit this car. I forget about this? Right. You're good. I'm good. Yeah.

I forget if I we put the bumper back on there was still a huge dent but I was like fuck it I was like sometimes it's cute to roll up with a damaged car you're like oh you're relatable I'm like yeah I'm like my car's totaled so up you know what I mean well you're like that cool girl from like the movie totally she gets out and she's like oh and everyone's like oh stunning you know what I mean her hair is blowing for me it's a little different I have like stuff in my teeth I'm like picking it I'm like but you're playing the role you're playing the role anyways

I, where was I? You call him? Oh, so two years later, I call him. Two years? It's been two years. Jesus Christ. I call him and I go, hi. He goes, hi. I go, so I have you on my phone as hit and run Carl. So I just...

I just do want to know what that was about. So I've forgotten this. And he's like, and you're just bored at night. Yes, I'm bored. And he's like, I don't remember. This is a random number. He was like, I don't have your number. Like, he's like, what the, and then I was like, oh my God, Carl, Carl, Carl. And I literally went through a timer warp where I was like, I was literally, I was like, Carl, suddenly I'm in the car again. Carl, Carl, Carl.

Anyways, I'm now realizing that this man has hit my car. So now I'm on the phone asking him for money. So I'm like, and he goes, I live in Mexico City now. No, Owen, I live in Mexico City. I'm not going to give you money for a car that was totaled two years ago. I don't even have that car. And I'm thinking, neither do I actually. I turned in my lease. Oh,

I'm like, but it was, I'm like, I'm like, well, it's probably the damage was like $2,000. So if you could just pay me that. He was like, no, he kept hanging up. I kept recalling. Did you actually think you were going to get the money or just fucking around? I was fucking around, but also at a certain point, I think you actually get into it where I was like, I kind of want the money now. You know what I mean? Jared's asleep next to me. I'm like, uh, he's snoring. I'm like, well, he's, we're going to have to get his nose fixed. I'm like, he's going to have to get some kind of rhinoplasty. I'm like, I'm gonna have to pay for this shit. That 2k will go a long way. Exactly.

So I love Carl. He's actually become a fast friend. Hold on. No. How did he become a fast friend? No, just during the call, he kind of laughed at a few things I said. I laughed at a few things he said. We actually had a spark, honestly. We had a spark. He lives in Mexico City. He's straight. Oh. And I think he's like 60. Another 60-year-old. Wait. Wait. And so do you keep in touch a little bit? No, but I texted him today. What did you say? Hi. And he's like, Owen? Owen?

And then you just like send the Venmo request again. You just keep sending. No, but I need people like this in my life. Like I need these random connections. I'm like weird. Didn't you say, I remember another part of the podcast, we were like, you were going to potentially then interview people because you've done this before on a live Spotify thing, but you were going to interview people that...

quote unquote hate you, but they don't actually hate you. So Carl. So Carl would be a perfect person to interview and like talk this through because it makes no fucking sense. Or my ex trainer who. What? Who absolutely. Wait, your ex trainer, like physical trainer. Okay. So I had a physical trainer. First of all, I just want to say.

I don't know why I was paying for a trainer. Okay. Go to a gym, Owen. Oh, okay. Go to a gym. But if you're not motivated. Which I'm not. Okay, then you need to get a trainer that's like yelling at you to do the things. Exactly. Because you're not self-motivated. Exactly. So I had this ex-trainer. An ex-trainer. I had a trainer who we would set times during the week and I would...

always cancel oh yeah or would you have to pay like a little something so I would make up excuses I would do this do that I wouldn't pay give me an excuse like what kind what are your kind of excuses are they obvious that you're like obviously not no they would be like I got in a car crash they'd be true they could be true yeah but after the third time you say you're in a car crash no Owen well that one actually is believable but everything else I'm like I would be like oh my god the craziest thing just happened I ended on I ended up on a flight to Puerto Vallarta I just I don't know where I am help send help and he'd be like what

And then I would actually text a picture of me kind of going to, but no, I'm joking. So you could, you would interview someone like that. Yeah. I would interview someone like that. He, he, we ended, he ended up cutting ties with me. He was like, I can't work with you anymore. This is a toxic work environment. He said, this is really toxic. And he ultimately said, I can't, he was like, I don't want to watch you.

He was like, you don't work out. He was like, and I was going around being like, I don't want to say his name, but let's say his name is like Rob. Body by whatever. Let's say his name is Rob. I'm like, I'm trained by Rob. Body by Rob. And I was literally like getting fatter by the day because I wasn't working out. And he was like, body not by Rob. Body so not by Rob. No.

So he was like, this is really toxic. Owen! So I would interview him. Do you have any teachers that hated you? What were you like in school? Can we talk about you in school? I was a goody two-shoes in school. You were. Yeah, but I also said what I wanted to say. So I had a French teacher who really... I thought I was amazing at French because I really can get the accent. Oui! So I'm really bad at French to be clear. Oh, okay.

But I thought I was good because I would be like, Monsieur, d'accord. Oui, that's good. D'accord. It's hot. Oui, merci. So all I knew, the only thing I knew how to say was, d'accord, Monsieur. What does that mean? Okay, mister. Oh, you're so annoying. But my teacher was a woman. So she pulled me aside one day and she goes, it's madame. Madame. And I said, madame.

In 2016. I said, we're all, come on, gender. I go, another boomer dealing with gender. I was like, come on. Come on, you're they them. What are you? She was like, a woman. Please, madam. I was like, no.

It's not even a hard word. I couldn't say it. All I could say is, d'accord, monsieur. It also kind of sounds better. It sounds hot. But I would literally write that in my test also. Like, I was a horrible French student. But I would get out of tests by, and I'm not going to do it, so don't ask me, but I used to do a Shakira impersonation. How do you come on Call Her Daddy and say that you used to do a Shakira impression? I can't do it anymore. I've lost it.

I've lost it. That's amazing. Go. I can't do it. Go. I won't look. Go. No, no, no. I'm not kidding. I actually can't do it. Why? I've lost. It's something in my. It's something in you. It's something in me. Can you do any impressions? Like any of them? Come on. No, but you do a really good Jennifer Coolidge. I like her a lot. So I just want. I mean, she's amazing. Has she been on the pod? No, I want her. Let's manifest it right now. Okay. Jennifer Coolidge on the pod. Jennifer Coolidge on the pod.

Why won't she come on? I actually just got a text. She's swimming on the pot. And so is Beyonce's mom is coming over. Wait, Tina Knowles. Okay, so you don't have any impressions. I don't have any. Okay, talk to me about when did you know you liked boys? I'm sorry. I meant when did you... Excuse me? Would anybody watch this and think I'm straight?

That's for you guys. Yeah. Tune in. Comment below. I'm gay. What's the question? Wait. When did you know you liked boys? Oh, Zac Efron. High school musical. High school musical. And what's funny is that I looked at this man who obviously was so attractive. Right. But I liked his soul.

I literally liked his soul. I go, a man who sings and wants to treat Gabriella nice? I go, that's what I want. Literally. He could have been the ugliest toad. And I would have been like, his soul is fucking sweet. His soul. His soul. Yeah. Did you have a crush in school? And were you someone that, if you had a crush in school when you were younger, would you...

be up front about it or were you shy up front oh immediately the crush came i go i have a crush on you no you're that i have a crush on you and then they'd be like what i'd be like yeah i just i think i'm falling in love with you as we speak when was your first kiss i kissed a girl first okay how was it i think she would say it was horrible and i would say like actually amazing was it a kiss or a makeout it was a makeout oh

fun and how did you were like you were like shout out what's her name eden eden eden what a fucking fabulous la name eden eden hankin i was in love with her i was in it was eighth grade i was madly in love with her she was a dancer and i was like i would look at her and be like i want to dance like you i was like how do you do that again do the split iconic me so gay i was like that's hot

everyone's like that's so hot she's so flexible i was like yeah it's really hot she can put her head behind hers she can put her feet behind her head i'm like wow so hot i want to be able to do that literally i was like me tomorrow i'll learn um she is so nice i haven't seen her in years though we love you we love thank you for putting up with holland we do love you okay and then when was your first boy kiss a man named miles jordan what i know wait is that a basketball name is that a basketball player

michael jordan let's cut that hey guys let's cut that hey um everyone in this house hey so i just want to let everyone know that we're obviously cutting what i just said um not the most famous the most famous basketball player in the world even if you don't know basketball 100 you know that miles jordan is a good name though hot so he we made out and i was like i didn't know what i was doing right so i was like

I was like, are you going to stick it in? We're making out. Like literally making out. I think we were at like a formal honestly. And we were making out and I was like, how are you going to do it now? And he was like, what?

he's like no he had been out for months years maybe he was like that's not how it works it's like totally never heard from him again obviously i then but i fell madly in love with him i was in love until i found another person to be in love with and then your first boyfriend how long was that that was about two years i feel like your jaw just clenched what was that like well because that was one of those that was like you'll never forget my first love

I'm still like different. It doesn't mean that you're still in love with them. It's just like, Jared's like, no, we're really done. I'm like, yeah, exactly. Jared comes and breaks up with me. Even when I talk about my first love, it's a different type of like, totally. Whoa. That was because it was your first totally something. And you'll always remember that. And then it does get better, but you'll never forget it. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And I feel like here's the deal. I don't,

We're friends. Yeah. I don't ever see a future with this man. Like, I'm with the person I love. Wait, you're friends with him to this day? Oh, well, I forced him to be friends with me. Owen? Obviously. I'm like, we can't be exes. He's like, well, we can be exes. I'm like, okay, then we need to be friends. He's like, okay. Does he live in LA? No, he lives in New York. Okay, that's healthy. But he's in LA a lot. I actually got coffee with him two days ago. Wait! Does Jared not care? No, doesn't care at all.

I, oh, so, okay. I unfollowed him on Instagram. Why? But I made, because I'm just like, I don't need to see your shit. He has a new boyfriend who seems lovely. Yeah. Go off. Actually, I don't need to see it. But I made Jared follow him.

So now they follow each other. Is he private? Yeah, exactly. He was private. So I made Jared follow him. Now he follows Jared back. They DM. They're totally fine and cordial. And I'm like, this is fucking weird. I'm like, you don't follow him. Jared's like, no. Now you've made me friends with him. You're getting jealous of your current boyfriend talking to your ex-boyfriend. 100%. I'm like, this is so fucking weird. I'm like, what are you going to do? Fuck him? He's like, no, I wasn't. You asked me to follow him. Yeah, you made me do this. Owen. So anyways, I really. How was coffee? It was actually great.

But you're like friends. Yeah. So you go to NYU. Yeah. We need to go all the way back to the beginning of the episode. You casually said that you went to NYU for a month, a week. No. So I was technically enrolled for, I was technically enrolled for like a year. Okay. But I went to classes for a week.

And then what the fuck did you do? Two weeks maybe. Why? What? I was done. I was like this. I'm done now. No, my parents had paid so much fucking money and I'm so disrespectful and ungrateful and I'm a cunt. And I was like, I can't, I'm so obsessed with them and it sounds so, people are going to be like, this is so weird. But I was like, I just don't,

I needed to be home. I was like, I need to be home. Because of your parents? Yeah, and because I just like, New York was like, I was over it. You were like, I don't need to do this. I was there for two weeks. Oh,

No, and my boyfriend had just broken up with me, the one, the first love. So I think I was like emotional and I was like, there was a whirlwind. A lot of my best friends actually went to NYU with me, which was really nice. But I was like, I felt like Carrie Bradshaw where I was like everything. I was like walking and I was like, will he text me or is it just another day down the rabbit hole? You know what I mean? I was literally Carrie Bradshaw. And did he live in New York at the time or no? Who? Your ex-boyfriend. No, he, no.

He lived in Ohio. He went to Oberlin. Shout out. Shout out. So you go back to LA post breakup. What the fuck did you do after you left school? Literally, I wish I knew. I wish I knew. I was sitting there like, what am I doing with my life? I had like so many, like, I just had midlife crises at 2020. Do you wish you had stayed in college? Of course. And so does my dad. And your grandfather. Obviously. Okay, we're going to play a game. Go. I'm going to give you a scenario and I want you to know like how you would respond. Okay.

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Okay, we're going to play a game. Go. I'm going to give you a scenario, and I want you to know how you would respond. Okay. You are at a sleepover. Okay. Well, now I feel like I know who we're contacting, but let's not contact Nanny. Okay. You're at a sleepover, and they pull out the Ouija board. Who are you contacting, and what are you asking them? Wait, I have a really dumb question. What? What's a Ouija board? No. Obviously, I know that. I've fucking seen the movie. Is that the movie? The Ouija? Ouija. Is that what it's called? Ouija. Ouija. I keep saying it like it's going to come to me. Ouija. Anyways.

there is it only dead people yeah let's just say yeah yeah for sure dead people who am i contacting just not nanny not nanny who am i contacting who's dead do you know anyone that's dead honest i don't know that many people that are dead who we're gonna say lucky oh shout out um i keep saying shout out to anything shout out to no one shout out to absolutely no one uh i would come oh no no

okay wait okay i would contact you would contact celebrity that's what i'm trying to figure out like oh i'm yeah i'm like you don't need to contact anyone you're so at peace with your no people on earth i'm not i need to contact this i would i contact the dead i would contact um i would contact i would contact tap william taft william h taft

He's a president. What's worse? You wanting to contact a random president or me not knowing that that was a president?

wait you didn't know that can i be honest why i would contact him i was like he sounds familiar no i know what would contact no but first answer why no no i i taft because he's just iconic and he was like was he hot oh well look him up look him up tell me if he's hot what is it what is his name robert taft william h taft no i swear to god i'm not dumb why he came to my mind because i think we're talking about school

I have seen this man before. I would love to contact him. He'd be fun to talk to. You have a thing for old people. Yeah. Me calling my therapist after this. Why am I sexually attracted? Is he kind of hot? Oh, he's hot. Also, that looks like a recent photo.

I'm not kidding. Wait, pull that back up. I've seen that on Raya. That's recent. That is fully recent. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, when you're that old, it's usually blurry and grainy. It's giving, like... It's giving iPhone X. It's giving pores. I'm not kidding. It's giving portrait mode. That's gorgeous. That's a gorgeous photo, Taft. You're not dead. I'm not contacting you. William! Okay.

Who else? Who would I contact? No, no, no. You were about to say something else. I know. Is this hard? I don't know why this is hard for me. No, I don't care anymore. You did a great answer. Tough. Shout out. If you were, okay, have you had any paranormal experiences? I haven't personally. No. Okay. If you were in a horror movie, do you think you would survive till the end? No. First of all, black people die first. So I die first.

My love, I would be the first to go. No, and here's the deal. This is what I would do. I would reason with the, this, I actually think about this all the time because Jared is always away, so I'm alone. Oh, and are you paranoid? Always. Owen, when Matt's gone, we have to have sleepovers because you don't understand. Please, any day. I am buying everything on the internet. I've had people install things into my house. Like, I am. 100%. Do you sleep with a pan? Oh, wait. Sorry. Me trying to relate. Wait. You sleep.

You sleep with a pan? Of course. That's actually way smarter because you get the swing curvature. I have those things from Amazon that I open all my boxes with that are like little cutters. And I have one. Wait, that's scary. Open. You sleep with a box cutter?

You sleep with a box cover? I do. No, no, no. Because I used to sleep with a knife and then Matt was like, you won't win the fight because you don't know how to stab with a knife. But if you have a box cover, I could hit the carotid artery. Isn't a knife the same thing? Yeah, but I feel like the knife, it's easier to slip back and it could maybe cut my whole hand open. I've thought about all of this. I've also practiced. I do like little Olympics in my room. On Matt? Yeah.

Yeah, we're into that kinky shit, you know? Yeah, totally. You're like, I'm into blood. I'm into blood play. Okay, so you have a pan. I have a pan. I sleep with... I'm obsessed with objects in my bed. I always have objects in my bed. Like what? A pan I'm obsessed with. Pepper spray. I don't sleep with a knife. Yeah, pepper spray is really fun. That's actually really smart. But also... What if they have a gun? But what do you think they're coming to do to you? Because I'm always thinking a little like fondle fondle, kidnap, rape, kill. That's the thing. I think... I don't think they would...

This is so, I don't think they'd want to rape me. We need to talk to your therapist about that. You're hot. They're coming for that D. They're coming for me. No, I want, if you want, cut that.

Cut that. So, okay. So, anyways, I sleep with objects because I'm so paranoid. Okay. So paranoid. But I do think – Paranoid about what? Paranoid about somebody coming in and not knowing I'm there. Like, my fear is that they're not going to know I'm there. They're going to try to rob the place. By the way, we have nothing in the house. So, like, you'd be robbing – you'd be taking me. I'm the most valuable piece. And my pan. Literally. And my one pan that, by the way, we clearly don't cook in the house.

I was about to say. There's pans in the bed. There's pans in the bed, love. So you are just thinking that they're going to kill you accidentally almost. I think they're going to kill me accidentally. And I'm so nervous about us being face to face. My fear is that they're going to be like, ha. And then I'm going to be like, ha. And then they're going to be like, ha. Do you know what I mean? I'm going to be now dead being like, ha. Up with Manny we go. Literally. So I've thought about this so much. And I think I could reason with them. Okay. Okay. So I think what I would say to them is this. Okay. You came in for something. You didn't think it was me.

I take what I take out. No. No. I go, you came in for something. I have, I'll give you whatever you want. And you're so calm. Like, this is out. I'm so calm. I'll give you whatever you want. I'm not going to tell. I can't remember. I lie to them. I go, I have face blindness. When you walk away, I won't be able to remember it. No. So...

totally fine right you're back to your liar days like you can easy swing this even if you're my neighbor I wouldn't tell anyone your secret's safe with me oh and then I'll tell them secrets that my friends have told me so then I'll be like trust me I can trust me my friend Zoe she just told me the best secret in the world and I'll actually tell you right now so you believe me so

So Zoe, when they're literally like, I'm leaving. Okay. So you're like garnering, you're like getting this person to really believe that you don't give a shit. And you're like, I promise I'll keep your secret. So I think that's the way to do it. I think that's why I would survive. But I think in a horror movie, I would have to die first because I think I could almost die before you because I actually think, okay, hold on. Although no, you, you would die before me. Why? No, no, because I am so paranoid. I would kill myself.

yeah i wouldn't know because i do think i have narcissistic tendencies for sure so i would definitely be like only child parents are obsessed with you adopted golden child do you want to hear what happened to me the other night yes oh my god scariest thing in the world why i'm sleeping in my bed is this gonna scare me no oh 3 30 a.m i'm asleep finally finally finally 30 minutes in 30 minutes hitting rem i oh my god rem is happening i'm like whoa i'm asleep like this i'm asleep babe

Suddenly, alarm goes off in the house. Nope. Nope. Nope. I go, no. No. I stand up. I go, no. No. What do you want? Who are you? Who are you? Don't come in here. No.

I go, if you're going to come in here, I have nothing. You're like, my dick is out. Yeah, literally. Literally. I was like, but I'm naked. So come in. So nothing happened. No one moves. I check the alarm. I'm checking. I'm checking. I'm checking. Are you by yourself? I'm by myself. Oh, I'd be done. The door, I'm watching in the alarm, the ring, that the door opens, but no one's there. But the door is locked and open. I get chills. I start crying. I have chills. I have chills. I'm crying. I go...

So then I thought someone's crawling. But then I go, maybe it's a short person. Cut that. I go, someone is clearly in my house. Or it's a ghost. But I didn't even go there. I was just like, someone's in my house. And they have some kind of cloak that they're wearing that they are invisible to the ring cameras. I go out. I take my pan. I go out.

Walk into living room. I called your I face. I'm sure Jared's on set. Shut up. Shut up. Sure. That's it I go church someone's in the house. Sure goes what jerk I know someone's in the house. He goes I I have to go I go Good last time you saw me. Yeah. Yeah I'm holding a pan like this. I look around I go whoever's in here. I have a pan and then I thought gone gone

I check every closet. Nothing. Nothing. No one was in there. No ghost. No little person. No big person. No crawler. I sit in my car because I was like, I can't sit in my house. I sit in my car for two and a half hours, three hours. I look up sunrise LA. It's like 630 AM. I'm like, so I sit in my car until that I'm, I'm wired. I'm like, I so scared. The next day, my mom comes over, looks around the house with me, goes in the corners. She's like, I'll find, we watched the ring camera again. Genuinely the door unlocked and opened.

Please, somebody who deals with ghosts, come to my house. Maybe we should have an episode where we deal with that. Oh, I totally think we should. We do a little paranormal seance. Bring Nanny in. Can you imagine? Owen, I'm not kidding you. I would probably have to move. 100%? Or you have to... Have you changed the lock or something? No. So I've changed the lock.

But I'm going to be honest. I do think that now that they've entered, they're in. They're in. Do you get what I'm saying? They're in. They're in. You're like, but maybe it's a good thing. Think about it. Yeah. Kate, you're on a deserted island. Okay, keep going. You have to post. But I still have to post. You have to post this regardless. In memoriam. You go, he was so, he was, I promise he was funny. He was funny. It was going to be a great show in your dreams, bitch. People are like, that guy got, I'm canceled and dead. Okay, keep going.

Oh my God, that would be so sad. No, I would speak well in your name. Okay, you're stranded on a deserted island and you can only bring three things and one celebrity. Who are you bringing? What are you bringing? I'm bringing road. Just God, you might as well die with good luck. But that makes sense. Yeah, oh, for sure. That's like, also it's edible. Right. So you eat it. So you don't even need food. Of course. Okay, exactly. Road. Road. Okay, this is hard. I'm bringing road. I'm bringing smoked almonds. Yum. I'm dying for them.

Put them in my mouth. Have you ever had smoked almonds? What kind? Just smoked. Doesn't matter. I think I like the sriracha ones. Delish. So good. But not as good as smoked. Have you had smoked? I don't know. No, seriously. I feel like I probably have. No? Aren't they in that little tin? Yes. Yes. I've had all of them. Yum. Oh, they're so good. Literally. Are they bad for you? Take the tin.

Gobble. Are they good? Gobble, gobble. Are they good for you? Bad for you? So I haven't looked into that. Okay. Let's not. So we're bringing the smoked almonds. We're bringing road and we're bringing. A thing called Yoli. What the fuck is. That I'm plugging on this podcast. What is Yoli? That I'm not sponsored by them. What is Yoli? It's an electrolyte drink. Oh. I don't drink water. Okay. So I don't sleep and I don't drink water. Okay. Owen, where, like, how are you alive? It's so bad. It's, I'm not. And you have so much energy. Thanks.

So you're bringing a drink. So I'm bringing Yoli. It's so delish. Because I figure if you're going to have to drink ocean water. Celebrity. Am I going to bring someone to fuck? This is what I'm thinking about. I'm feeling like my answer would be my vibrator. Oh, fuck. Oh, I can use my hand. Oh, for sure. I was going to say we could share. We're not there together. And also. Also, I don't know how that. Oh, I bring a. Anal vibrator. I bring a two in one. Yeah. Totally. And then my iPad.

But I would have pre- Oh, I didn't know you could bring electronics. I would obviously bring my iPhone. Oh my God, had I known you could bring the Apple Store, I would have brought the Apple Store, love. That's so unfair. That's like being like, who would you be? It's like Steve Jobs so he could invent me anything. It's like, that's unfair. You played the game wrong. You ruined the game. I did, I ruined it.

I'm like my iPad, but I knew I was going to be stuck on the island so I could download Love Island. I had 62 episodes I could get me through. And then maybe my dog. Can I bring my dog? Yeah, that's fair. And then celebrity. Oh. I think I would bring... Bill Nye? Why? You would bring Bill Nye? No. Bill Nye, the science guy. Don't you think you could like get us out? Bill, Bill, Bill. Wasn't that the song? That was so good. Bill Nye, the science guy. Bill, Bill.

That's a banger. Why haven't they remixed that? When they would bring into school the thing that... Why haven't they remixed... AG Cook. AG Cook. Put it on TikTok. Charlie. Anyone. Bill Nye the Science. And then it's like Charlie being like, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill. Bill, Bill. Wait, we should do that. Do we know any DJs? I met one in Peru. No, I'm joking. Yeah, seven-year-old woman in Peru. Yeah, exactly. Okay, who are you bringing? I just thought Bill could kind of like get us... Get us through it? Get us out. I think I would bring...

my best friend who happens to be a celebrity, I think I'd bring Emma Chamberlain because she's such a comfort for me. I was supposed to say yes. And then I was like, wait, oh, she would just talk you through it. She would just talk me through. And I was like, Emma's not getting you off the island. No, but she's like, she's like comforting. And she's like, she has great style. And she just like is hot and fun to talk to. Now I change mine. Why would I say that? I want Taylor Swift to just sing to me till we die. I want Taylor Swift.

Imagine she somehow is like, you left your typewriter in my apartment. Straight from the torture poet's apartment. As in the... Wait, that's a great album. Oh, I think everyone slept on it for a second because they were nervous. This happens with every Taylor album. You're like, can you beat the next? Can you beat the last? Like, how do you beat 1989? How do you beat the... And then...

It just... But she's always... It's my favorite. She's always one-upping herself, and it's so funny because you don't think she can. Because I also... You don't think she can? Here's the thing. When I was growing up, I was the biggest Taylor fan. I had the most embarrassing music video of me doing Love Story, and I'm in this awful dress for my cotillion, and I'm walking around Bucks County Community College, and I'm like...

It's a love story. Baby, she said. And then my poor friend Kristen is under a tree being like the acoustic person. I made her always look like boys because we needed like a boy. I totally get it. I did that with everyone. And so we have this awful thing. And so in my mind, I'm like, there's nothing that can be like fearless or love story or our song. Nothing. And then she tops it. And then she tops it. And then she tops it. And then she tops it. She always tops it. And then you get to Torture Poets Departed and everyone was like, ooh, I don't know. I don't know. So what did you think of Midnight's?

I loved Midnight's, but I will say I think Torture Poets Department is one of my favorite. Is it better than Midnight's?

No. Come on. Okay, this is my problem. And I was actually listening. Have you listened to Gracie Abrams' new album, which I'm so obsessed with? And I'm not even heartbroken. Let me just explain this to you. I love Gracie. I love that girl as a person. I think she's an amazing human being. And I also think her music is amazing. Hello. I have never met her. I would love to meet her one day. Introduce us. Get her in here. Gracie, fly on in. She's here. I brought her for you. Gracie, listen to me. I am not heartbroken. I'm married and happy and in love right now. I cannot stop playing that. I cannot...

Wait, which one? Well, how do I begin? So I went through this whole thing where, first of all, obviously, I love you, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. You were the best and you were the worst. It's the biggest sounds. I love you first. I'm obsessed. So good. But all of them are so good. And so I've been listening to all of it and I'm like wanting to have something to cry about. But I'm like, I don't care. I was one of those girls growing up that was like obsessed with like the depressing music. But I went through an alternative stage where I like really like Mayday Parade. So what were you obsessed with? Mayday Parade.

Oh my God. You don't know what Mayday Parade is? Mayday Parade? Mayday Parade? Wait, I don't know what you're saying. Mayday Parade? Can I play this for you? Hold on. No, you have heard the song. Mayday Parade. Owen? Mayday Parade. Listen to this. You've heard the song. Don't cry. Don't cry.

Wonderwall? No. Is that the song? No. My May Day Parade girls, please comment down below. I was obsessed. Katie, don't cry. Oh my God, not me trying to do it. I know. Wait, that was actually stunning. No, no. Wait, also the way you grabbed the mic. You're trying. You're hot. It was so hot. No, listen to me. That's great. You should be awesome. I really should. That's coming. So I've always been obsessed with kind of depressing music. Totally. And even if I'm happy, I find a way to be sad. Oh, same. And...

Gracie and Taylor's albums I'm alternating between. If you literally go on my Spotify right now, it's just those two albums and I can't stop doing it. And I'm like, I'm not even sad. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this. Say it. So we might have to cut it. Okay. But,

Jared who is Sabrina's carpenter stylist yes so I'm the biggest Sabrina Carpenter fan like I pray to her at night um I've always been by the way like since Sue me since like she's so hot I'm obsessed looking at look and her fashion is amazing so shout out Jared it looks amazing shout out um so I heard shut up shut the fuck up is it life-changing you're gonna die

You're going to fully – I hit the mic. You're going to fully die. No, you're going to die. Un-fucking-lievable. I'm just so happy that there's good music coming out. There's all this good music that we – how lucky are we? How lucky are we? Also, I feel fortunate because when I was listening –

Like everything is hitting right now. And I feel like we went through a dry spell right before Taylor came out with new music. And then like Billy, everyone's coming out with, it's insane. Billy, we forgot about Billy. I don't even know how we started. So your pop girls are Billy, Taylor, I'm like, I'm newly obsessed with Gracie. I will say like, I, when I saw this album coming out and Oh, did you see the music video for I love you? I'm sorry. It's so fucking good. Like, so cute. How do we get here? Can you be proud of a pop star? Like, I'm so proud of Taylor Swift.

I'm so proud of Taylor Swift because I feel like she is a very influential person for women and like anyone that has felt like an underdog. And like, of course, I just feel like she does a really good job of making it not about her and making it about like this is well, it is about her, but it's also about us. If that makes sense. Well, yeah, she she also speaks to she's basically like this is my experience. And I know for a fact it's your experience, which is.

And it is my experience. All too well is my experience. Actually, not quite. But you know what I'm saying? Okay, let's move on. Okay, keep going. Okay, you can trade lives with a character in a movie. Who is it and why? Andy McDowell.

That's not her. Who? Can we look up? No. What? Look up. I've never used my phone in an interview. Here I am. Andy McDowell? No, that's an actress, I think. Who are you? What movie? Phineas and Ferb? Phineas and Ferb. Yeah. Candace. Ashley Tisdale. No. I'm obsessed with her. Ashley Tisdale specifically as...

Phineas' sister? Yeah. Candice. I don't know why I know that. Me either. I'm really unwell. How are we here? I would, how to lose a guy in 10 days. Andy Anderson. Andy Anderson. Fuck. Obsessed. When I was younger, I wanted to be Miranda Priestly. Oh, that's iconic. But now, no. Who would you be?

I'm just thinking movies I like. And I'm like, I don't want to be that. Well, that's what I did, by the way. My favorite movie is The Proposal. Oh my God, that's one of the best movies. Is there any better movie? That's one of the best movies. Cheaper by the Dozen? Hilary Duff in Cheaper by the Dozen? I forget Cheaper by the Dozen. I forget it. You know what I would love to be? Go watch it. Lizzie McGuire in the Lizzie McGuire movie. Boom!

Sing to me, Paolo. Sing to me, Paolo. I would love to. Have you ever seen such a beautiful night? And then he comes in and he can't sing. He's like, I could wish the stars. And then remember the other girl's voice is a little bit, it's shining so bright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I see you smiling. Oh my God. And that scene from the movie where she comes out in all the different outfits when she's like trying on the, oh. Oh my God. Of course. When she comes in the ice igloo dress. The igloo dress.

So good. I would love to be her too. Have you ever seen Love is Blind? Of course. Okay. If you were on Love is Blind, what questions are you asking the person behind the wall? Are you the guy that's like trying to get to know like what they actually look like secretly or no? You're like going for love for like. No, I would be going for love. Oh yeah. Cause you like the soul. I like the soul. So I would be like, I would be like, what? Um,

if you if if we called my mom right now what would you want to know about her I'm on the other side and I'm being like what would I ask people I'm like tell me about your childhood trauma let's go back to the very beginning totally totally no I think you need to know that by the way I think you need to know that okay um what if you saw them and you weren't physically attracted to them I think I'd be fine

Really? No, I think I'd be like... You'd push through. I think I would push through for the show. I think I'd be like, I'm madly in love with this guy. It just can't help. Every confessional, I'd be like, the love grows stronger and stronger every single day. There's nothing to even say. I'm so attracted to him. And then obviously behind closed doors, I'm like...

this skincare routine literally i'm like yeah exactly i literally have shinies i'm actually breaking out now at this point because i'm always do over exfoliating because i can't have sex with him and then it's cut to the confessional you're like it's a slow burn that has just been building and i'm waiting for the sexual aspect because i want to be respectful of both of us and you're like acting like you're this religious freak meanwhile you're just like no i don't want to fuck him no but also have you noticed this are there any gay people on love is blind

no but i think that's because you'd have to do like a gay oh like think you would version well actually you could just have gay people in the wait but hold on but then when say we're sitting across from each other and there's a wall and i'm like oh my god it's like tell me about yourself no well i'm not gonna be sitting with you because you're gonna be like you're like you go into your confession you're like so i think the man i just was speaking to isn't into women but i i want to give him a chance then the producers would have to get involved

And just make sure. Right. But I feel like the producers are already involved. I nominate myself first gay client, first gay person on Love is Blind. You are in a relationship. Jared would let you. No, you're going to find your third. Jared and I in a room together finding our third. Wait, that's just a show. That is literally a show. Pitch it. Done. Okay. Who is the most famous person in your phone right now? Probably Hailey Bieber. Oh.

Is she right? Who's the most famous person of yours? Probably Haley or Miley. Oh, can you give me Miley's number? Honestly, airdrop it. You don't understand childhood Alex. Like just like not like just randomly on days, sending her a selfie, like missing you. Like it takes everything to not do it. No, I don't do that. Oh my God. No, no, no. She's, she's my favorite person in the world. I'm so obsessed with Miley. Summer vacation. That's another album. That's on. Oh,

Unbelievable. Anything she releases. Anything. Okay, because I was going to ask you, but I don't think we should do that to Hailey because she's gorgeous and pregnant and she doesn't need your drama. I was thinking, call someone in your phone right now and pretend to have a freak out and be like, I just found something shady on Jared's phone. What do I do? Should we call Emma? She's on a plane.

Who should we call? Who should we call? We want to like pretend you basically call them. I'll do anything. Call them and be like, I'm freaking out right now. I just found. Who would believe you being like, are you going to? You're a good actor. You're an actor. Not good. Be like, I found shady shit on Jared's phone. I'm freaking out. Who should we call? I don't have anyone famous. Who should we call? Let's call. Name someone. Who would be funny with this? Fuck. I wish Emma was not on a plane. Should we try her? Try her. Just see if she answers. It's on speaker.

It's just quiet. I don't know why my phone is quiet. Come on, Emma.

Fuck. Who could we call that you could just like fake? Like, bitch, you have so many famous friends. Who else? What about Shay Mitchell? Yes. But I don't know her. It's going to be weird. She's going to be like this. Okay. Okay. Break up with him. Should we call your mom? My mom won't buy it. She won't? If you're like, mom, I'm freaking out. Like, I found something really shady on Jared's phone. Like, I think he's been like fully having an emotional relationship with someone and I'm like freaking out right now. She won't buy it. She'll be like this. I mean, I have so many random friends. Call a random friend. This may be bad, but who's this?

Oh my God. I just found the scariest thing on Jared's phone. I think he's having a full-fledged relationship, like actually full-fledged relationship with someone else. Wait, what? I think Jared's having a full-fledged relationship. I don't know what to do now. Wait, what did you see? What was it? I saw, I saw a text and, and, and, and, and, and photos and, and, and, and I'm not kidding. He's like, he's, he's saying, he's saying to him, like, I, I, I've been, I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for years. Like, I know. Jared was saying that to the guy? Both, both, both, both, both.

How did you find him? Is he not there? No, he went to work. I just saw his iPad. Sorry, I have COVID. What do I do? I'm actually going to be sick. I know. It's literally horrible.

What do I do? What do I do? What the fuck? I don't know. Do I tell him I saw it? Do I tell him I saw it? Yes, obviously. And do I just say, or do I just move out, move all my stuff out? Couch on the sidewalk. I'll put the couch on the sidewalk. It's not funny. It's not funny. You're going to move him out of the house? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking hilarious.

Well, hilarious. I'm dealing with the... Warranted. Oh, my God. That's, like, literally fucking insane. Okay, wait. Let's think. Is there any, any, any rationale, like... For him to cheat? For him to cheat? No, no, no. No, but, like, for, like, just think about, like, in terms of... She's getting married literally tomorrow. Say I love you, bye. It's her bachelorette. Tell her. Okay, here's the deal. I'm on call her daddy. You've just been pranked. You've just been pranked. Jared's not. Are you kidding me? That was a really good offer. Wait, really? You got the role. Yeah, I'm, like, sick.

I love you so much. She literally is having her bachelorette tomorrow. Oh my God. We, you're getting married. We love you, queen. We love you. Okay. I love you. I'm so grateful. But are you okay? Yeah, I'm totally fine. Love you.

She's getting married. You just ruined her life. A hundred percent. Okay. I will say that is a good friend because you can tell that she loves you guys together and she was trying to be so supportive and not immediately like, fuck him, leave. Totally. She was like, well, is there any reason that you would do that? I was like, and I start listing the reasons. I'm like, I don't sleep. I wake him up in the middle of the night. The fact that you also like move him out, put myself on the couch outside. Okay. That was a good fucking friend. She's a great friend. That was good. Thank you for doing that.

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That you have Ozempic in your fridge? Yeah. That I have Ozempic in my fridge. Would you say, we're getting to Dan, I promise. Would you say that you're good at being an adult? Like, are you adulting? No. What am I talking about? You're absolutely a bad adult. I'm a horrible adult. Are you still on your family's phone plan? Are you on your own? No. No. I'm still on my family's. The way you just said that to me, it's insinuating. You're like, no, of course I have my own thing. No. No. Mommy. No. I'm still on my family's. Yes. I'm still, why would I, why, what?

That's the one thing. Can I give advice to the Caller Daddy fans out there? Universe, Daddy Gang, stay on your parents' phone bill for as long as you fucking can. Are you kidding me? Ride that wave. Ride that wave. That's like the one thing that I think they don't like. That's the one thing that they forget. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, my dad didn't. No, I know. My dad didn't either, but.

But he would jab me a little bit. Finally, I think when I signed my Spotify deal, he was like, you want to pay my bill? You want to pay my bill? I was like, you're in a different place than me, my love. You want to come on my bill? Yeah. I'm like, you'll be paying for me. I'm like, mom, mom, daddy, literally daddy. Literally my original daddy. Hi, daddy. I got your phone bill. Don't worry. Okay. Can you give us a response to the allegations that you're you face to your driver's license photo? Is this true? How did I see this? Yeah, that's online. I face to everything.

Every photo that you see on the internet is Facetuned. Every single one. Stop. What are you going with? Like a little like, um, I'm proud. Sudden kiss one, two. What are the things? I don't know. Isn't there like a thing that you can press like a, wait, oh, face app for Facetune. Oh no, I don't face app. Okay. Face app. I used to do. If you really scroll back. Wow. I'm adding lashes. I'm doing a lot of stuff. It's really fun. I'm like making eyebrows thinner. I was actually before Gabrielle was Owen thinner brow, thin brow.

I'm not kidding. It was like iconic. Okay, so you're FaceTuning. So we'll FaceTune these photos that we put out. Don't worry. Oh, 100. Do you want to FaceTune them or should I? Send to me. I'll FaceTune me. I'll send to you. Do you FaceTune? I used to and then I got caught and then I had to stop. Oh, I see. I'm just like...

Who cares? Who cares? Oh. And by the way, I have one person out there that knows me and that follows me. And that one person that follows me knows that I love Facetune. So their comments are like, go off Facetune. Not like, you Facetune. Because to be fair, I feel like a lot of times that I look better in person and then I'll take a bad photo and I'm like, but that's not how I looked. Like I feel like my glam was cute today. But like it may not look good in photos. And also even more than that, I actually think that if you, I can't post a photo that I don't feel good about.

So true. And I don't feel good about any photos. And I don't feel good about any photo ever. So I need to make myself look different.

okay and then you face up was it you face up or if you face tuned the photo on your license that you posted on the internet or you asked them if you could face I asked them if I could face to the photo they said no so so like the government you mean I was in the DMV and I said I literally said to them can you send me that I will send it right back they said no they said you could take another I said let me take another I took four they were like we have a line I was like are you sure you can't send

there's a quick there's a quick airdrop i was like literally airdrop that it's one sec i'll be right here i was like it's the fastest smooth pull done you're done i'm like lip a little bigger you're done you're done there he's like no no so i had to post a driver's every photo that i send of my driver's license like he's face tuned face 100 like like somebody recently was like you're flying to this send me your driver's license i was like face tuned okay to be fair

I had one of the scariest passport photos that I took when I was 14 years old and I didn't have eyebrows at the time because... Wait, why? Well, I had eyebrows, but you couldn't see them. They were translucent. Okay, before bleach was Alex Cooper, naturally born with just white eyebrows. Couldn't see them. So I had a five head. It was a whole thing. So then when I figured out that I could just tint them, I'm like, oh my God, it looks so much prettier. Like I'm so much...

When I look at younger photos of myself, I'm like, you guys have to understand. People are like, oh my God, your face shape changed. Absolutely. You look amazing. You literally are stunning. Stop. Thank you. You're active. Like if you saw her in person, you got, you would be scared. Okay. Keep going. Stop. So you have to say that. So I had this just a really bad era of my life, whatever. And I have my passport, but my passport, it lasts 10 years. Right. So I'm like 15 at the time that I'm 25. So around my like college days, I was fucking these professional athletes. We were having fun and they would take me to like Mykonos, Cherkasson, Giga.

goes all these places and they would ask me to send them their passport so they could share it with their agent who was booking our stuff and i'm like no they're gonna say no no send me your passport who is that that's how bad it was owen owen i looked like a fucking like

I looked like an awful, awful troll. Oh, OK. My own mother said never show anyone that photo. That's what you know is bad because my mom's like, you're gorgeous. You came out of me horrible. So I would face app before face up. PicMonkey. Do you know PicMonkey? No. PicMonkey is a web browser that you go on to do. And I started to just morph my face. And you know how like the lamination in the passport there you you could see the pulls.

Totally 100% You saw it all You saw the whole thing But the men are so stupid These straight men Had no fucking idea Totally They're like wow Bad photo Right And I was like And I would preface it Being like oh it's such a bad photo But it looked like so much better Because I like completely Face tuned it And then That's what I do When I went for my new passport photo Fully did glam That's You have to

I need to start doing glam. My photo that I send to people, I look like I've made myself look like Michael B. Jordan. I'm like suddenly hot straight, man. You can't get to the airport and they're like, this is not you. No, 100%. It's like insane what I've done to my photo. My new thing is this. I don't carry my ID because I hate my ID photo. I just have a photo of it that I FaceTimed. So even for the bouncers, I'm like, I'm sorry I lost my wallet. This is me. And they're looking at it and they're like, you look so gorgeous. You look like a white woman.

They're like, what the hell's happening there? Why'd you, what the hell? They're like, what did you do to your face? I look completely different. You look like every fucking bitch. No, I look like Lisa Rinna. I'm like, they're like, the hell's happening there? I'm not kidding. I look amazing. You look like Lisa Rinna. I've done the lip. I've done everything in the photo.

You can spike the hair. Of course, spike the hair. I can't do it in real life because I'm too afraid of needles or anything. No, no, no. I'll get you set up. Don't worry. We're going to ruin your face. It's perfect. Okay. As we are finishing. Yeah.

I just had the most fun ever. Wait, I had so much fun. I don't even want to fit. Well, we have to also go downstairs and talk about the other shit. Like we have so much. We have so much to talk about. We have a lot to talk about. We have to dive in. We haven't even started. No, no, no. By the way, this is a pregame. I'm not kidding. I'm coming on next week. So I'm actually doing three color guides. Can you imagine? It's a three bar series. They all unfollow. They unsubscribe. Everyone unsubscribes. But this is the best part, Owen, of in all seriousness, I'm so happy that you joined the network because it is like,

I'm happy that we got to do this because this is just like a tease into who you are. Like you are the funniest person I know. You are so good for podcasting because you can never shut the fuck up just like me. We are right. Like people tell you to shut the fuck up all the time. My family at family dinners is like Alex. Stop talking. Shut the fuck up. My brother's like give me a chance. Question. What about your mother-in-law now?

Do they tell you to shut the fuck up? No. She actually loves how, like, crazy I am. She loves it. My mother-in-law thinks it's, like, so amazing that I'm so kooky. She'll send me videos of myself online and be like, you're so funny in this. Like, oh, my God. Like, let's talk about this at dinner. Like, she's... She loves that I'm kooky. Okay, I'm upset. And because she's insane. She's fun insane. Oh, she's, like, not insane, like, bad insane. No, but she's like... She's like, what's happening? She's like somebody I should call, probably. Oh, you would love Lisa. You are going to meet Lisa. You're going to fucking love Lisa. Wait, I'm calling Lisa to learn. You're calling... She will...

She loves to schmooze. She's like, let's talk all the... Oh my God. Done. I'm calling her. I love it. Anyways. Okay. Your show. In your dreams. Can we talk about it? Yeah, please. What can the Daddy Gang expect? Oh God. Talk about your show just a little bit. I'm so excited. What are you hoping that people come and... Why are you hoping people come and listen? What can we expect? Well, you can expect...

literally what you've seen in this episode, I think you could expect times 10. Yes. Which is so scary. Right, because I'm not going to be there to keep you on the guardrails. Which is really scary. But it's going to be so good. It's scary. I think it should be on like Patreon so people have to pay for it and they can't actually like screenshot. You know what I mean? It's like, we're getting some dangerous shirts right here.

And I think you have so many random good stories from LA that like are so random. Like whenever I'm at dinner with you, you're just like telling random stories that I'm like, you're just giving the tea that everyone wants to know, but it's comedy. That's so nice. You're hilarious. No.

I think it's going to be fun too because your set, I'm obsessed. I just saw like the picture. My set is, well, it feels like my childhood bedroom. Yes. It's my childhood bedroom. I think what people can expect from this is like feeling like you're on a sleepover. Yes. You know, and I feel like now that we're all older, I mean, some people are still young. We're young. Yeah. And we're, I mean, I'm 10. I just actually just turned 11. No, but I think now that we're a little older, I think sleepovers are rare for us. So I think like get into bed.

Get into bed with me. Do you know what I mean? Let's talk. Get into bed. Get into bed. Let's talk. We won't do hand stuff. No. I promise. We'll just talk. We'll just talk. We'll emotionally fuck each other. Yes. No, but I think also there's something really fun about being, because I'm doing this late at night when I can't sleep, I think

we're all loopy at that hour even if you don't realize it yeah so it's just like fun things come out you you it's just like random shit and I love I personally love podcasts that are a bunch of random shit because I want to be listening while I'm like cleaning my closet on a Friday night if I don't go out or a Sunday and I want to like feel like I'm laughing with my

friend and I you're so right about the sleepover aspect because I just went on a to a wedding and I stayed in a house with my three best girlfriends and we were like so you got belly laughing like I had not laughed this hard in so long and we said oh my god it's so different when you have a sleepover versus you just get dinner because the weird shit happens at night 100% right when you leave six also it's like

Why are you brushing your teeth like that? You know what I mean? It's like weird shit like that where you're like, no, no, no. That is weird. That is weird. You find out weird shit and you just get loopy and I'm so excited for you. And you have also so much other shit going on. Tell me about everything. Tell me about everything. Brag. Brag.

Well, I have the Amazon show that knock on wood. Let's like knock on everything. Knock on wood. It's going to happen. It's going to happen. Your life is insane. It's going to happen. Let's pray. It's going to happen. I have that. And I'm on this FX show called Snowflakes. That's really fun. That I think everyone will like. It's about, it's about like Gen Z culture and cancel culture. And it's really fun. Who for your, would you, you wouldn't play yourself in your Amazon series, right? You would. You would. That's so fucking iconic. Fun. Fun.

Fun. Really fun. I mean, here's the deal. Who would you want to play Nana? Or is Nana dead in the plot? Fuck. No, she's not actually. She's, she's there. Um, I would love Jane Fonda. Oh,

Oh, how fun. But this is right. No, it's dream. Dream. Dream. Crazy. No, I know. Jane Fonda. Yeah. Jane Fonda will do my little show. It's like, no, this woman is way bigger for her to fry. Yeah. But you know, Parenthood is one of my favorite shows. When I look back at the show, you have, do you ever watch Parenthood? Oh my God. It's fucking iconic. And they have iconic people in that show. You can get huge people.

We're going to manifest it. Because of you. Because Jane. Because of you. Because Jane. We'll call Jane. We'll call Jane. You call Jane. Maybe she'll listen. I don't know. I think I have that going on. I have this. I have this podcast, which I'm so excited about. There's just little fun things that I think. I'm just so happy if anyone is like being introduced to you today. I think this was like such a good like little starter moment to just kick you off because you are truly like I love podcasts. I really do. But your podcast, I already know, is something that I will always

want to listen to at all different times of the day. And I think sometimes you have those podcasts where like, well, I kind of need to listen to this like on my way to work or it's not, or it's a late night thing. Yours is at all times. And I'm really excited. Well, I hope people feel that way. They will. I know you do. I trust me. They are going to feel that way. Yeah.

Owen I love you this was this was literally my dream no this was my dream we could have gone for five more hours no and we should and we're going but this is my thank you for having me on I love you it was an honor I'm so happy I love you welcome to the family oh my god and also your shirt oh I signed an NDA clearly not I signed an NDA clearly not in case you ask me some questions you were like because I have so much drama in the zeitgeist I have so much drama well because I'm dating Nick Jonas right we cut there cut

Goodbye. I love you. I love you. Dude.

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