#2196 - Greg Fitzsimmons
03:07:10 Share

This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is brought to you by Call of Duty. You know, when a new Call of Duty drops, everyone's trying to find a way to squeeze in those extra hours of gameplay. I get it. Life is busy, but sometimes you just need it.

Hey, Joe, it's the replacer. Yeah, no, you. Hey, I'm going to take it from here so you can enjoy some Call of Duty Black Ops 6. Great. Now, listen up, folks. Life can be chaotic, but you shouldn't have to miss out on the latest Call of Duty just because you've got, I don't know, responsibilities. That's where I come in. I will handle the boring stuff like work, chores, even podcast episodes.

So you can dive right into the fight. Call of Duty Black Ops 6 is out October 25th. So dive in because I've got your back. Remember, I replace you, Blade. It's that simple.

Man, the replacer always gets it done. Seriously though, if you're hooked on Call of Duty, this is your time to jump in. Head over to callofduty.com slash blackop6 to get in the game. Call of Duty Black Ops 6. Pre-order now.

This episode is brought to you by the Farmer's Dog. Dogs are amazing. They're loyal. They're lovable. Just having Marshall around can make my day ten times better. I'm sure you love your dog just as much, and you want to do your best to help them live longer, healthier, happier lives. And a healthy life for your dog starts with healthy food, just like it does for us. There's a reason having a balanced diet is so important. So how do you know if your dog's food is as healthy as

as safe as it can be. Well, Farmer's Dog gives you that peace of mind by making fresh, real food developed by board-certified nutritionists to provide all the nutrients your dog needs. And their food is human-grade, which means it's made to the same quality and safety standards as human food. Very few pet foods are made to this strict standard. And let's be clear, human-grade food doesn't mean the food is fancy. It just means it's safe and healthy. It

It's simple, real food from people who care about what goes into your dog's body. The Farmer's Dog makes it easy to help your dog live a long, healthy life by sending you fresh food that's pre-portioned just for your dog's needs. Because every dog is different.

And I'm not just talking about breeds. From their size to their personality to their health, every dog is unique. Plus, precise portions can help keep your dog at an ideal weight, which is one of the proven predictors of a long life. Look, no one, dog or human, should be eating highly processed foods for every meal. It doesn't matter how old your dog is. It's always a great time to start investing in their health and happiness. So...

Try the Farmer's Dog today. You can get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at thefarmersdog.com slash rogan. Plus, you get free shipping. Just go to thefarmersdog.com slash rogan. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. Offer applicable for new customers only. This episode is brought to you by Kitanica.

Looking for indestructible outdoor gear that can handle anything you can throw at it? Look no further than Kitanica. Sold factory direct at Kitanica.com. They handcraft the toughest jackets, pants, shorts,

fleeces and bags in the industry. Take their unrivaled Mark series jackets constructed with heavy duty thread and loaded with pockets. Wearing a Kitanica jacket makes you feel invincible. Kitanica makes tactical futuristic clothing that is built to last. So if you're into hunting, camping, fishing, contracting, or just love being in the outdoors, Kitanica has got you covered.

Check out Kitanica. That's K-I-T-A-N-I-C-A dot com. Use the code ROGAN10 for 10% off Kitanica site-wide. Joe Rogan Podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan Podcast. Do it. Headphones? Why not? I can't live without the headphones. Every time someone doesn't want to wear headphones, I'm like, okay. We don't have to.

Some people don't want to mess their hair up. We don't have that problem. That's my hat look. It looks good. I like it. I like them paperboy hats. I love those. They're my favorite hats. The reason I do it is because

I started wearing hats because after the show, people would take photos with me with my shaved head and the light would just bounce off my chrome and you couldn't see me in the photo. So I realized that I wore baseball caps, but then when you're on stage, it puts a shadow over your face. Right. Can't see your face. So I started wearing these. Yeah, I love those. I like shaving the head, though. I started during the pandemic. Yeah.

Yeah, you should have done that a long time ago. What's that side hair bullshit? I know. It's nonsense. I feel so much better like this. Also, you have to go to a barber? What? Right. And listen to some stupid stories? Yeah.

Oh, fuck off. Dude, when I was a teenager, there was a place in New York called this. It was called the Stag Brothers. And it was these two Italian brothers and they cut hair and you go in there and they had the reason we all went like our moms would drop us off out front. We go inside and then they had penthouse magazines while you waited.

So you hope that you get to wait for a while. And then they call you and like, you got your little 15-year-old erection. You're trying to hide. Put the cape over me. Cover me. I always felt like barbershops where guys hung out, that's all just for people who don't play pool. That was always my thought. Like, I see what you're doing. Like, you're getting a guy's place where guys can hang out and just talk. Right. But this is not the way to do it.

Because people come in, people you don't know come in, you can't tell some dirty story. You know, you can't, you can't, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like... That seems to be big in the black culture. I mean, obviously there's those movies, Barbershop, but I mean, it really is a place that people hang out. Um,

But now you've got cigar. Do you like hanging out in cigar shops? Yeah, cigar bars are good. I like it. Because it's one of the rare places where you go to a cigar. I used to love that place, the Grand Havana Room in Beverly Hills. It's a great room. People had their own humidors in there? Yeah, I had a humidor for a long time. And you could eat nice meals and smoke a cigar. Because it's a private club. So you could have a steak, some pasta. And you're smoking a cigar at the table and everybody's doing it.

That's awesome. Yeah, it was cool. And it was a cool place. You're like, oh, look at that guy. Because it was in Beverly Hills. Oh, it was a power spot. I remember, like, Michael Rotenberg, remember from Three Arts? Yeah. Dave Becky. He brought me there once, and he had the humidor, and he was just pointing up. He was like, yeah, that guy owns Warner Brothers. Yeah. That dude is an eight-picture deal over in Columbia. Yeah. You know who I saw there once? I was kind of a little starstruck. Remember that dude from...

What is the New York Blues? What was it? That NYPD Blue? Yeah. Remember NYPD Blue? Yeah, yeah. What's the dude's name? No, no, no, no. The first guy. Jerry Orbeck? The first guy. Oh, yeah. Dennis Franz? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. The redheaded guy. Oh, yeah. He ended up quitting to get a movie career that never happened. Fuck, man. I think they tanked that guy. Yeah.

Yes, what the fuck's his name? The guy was good, man! No, he quit because he thought he had a big movie career. But this is the thing- It didn't happen. But you can't do that. What's the guy's name, though? No, not that guy. That's Andy Sipowitz. Or that's the character he played, right? But the other guy. Jesus Christ. This is- David Caruso? Is that his name? No, that's the guy who produced the show, right? Is that his name? David Caruso. It is his name, right?

Maybe. What, doesn't it say the cast down there? Yeah. Yep. Oh, yeah, David Caruso. Oh, it came down hard on him. It came down hard on him. That guy should have been a giant movie star. Yeah. Dude, he was really good on that show. But if you have that thing where you're like, fuck this, I'm quitting, I'm going to be a star.

Bro, they want you to fucking fall flat on your face. They're like, fuck this guy. Yeah. There's like 15 more guys like you in theater school right now. 15 more troubled guys from the inner city. Uh-huh. You know, that have a gritty past and scars on their face. Go fuck yourself. And that's what they did to that guy. Yeah. Also, he's a redhead. Name a lot of redheaded leading men. But he could have been the first one. All the redheads are like, one guy gets cocky. We had our guy. What?

We had our major. We had a shot. We had our fucking guy, man. And instead they started the phrase, the word ginger and took them all down. That was brutal. They were just redheads before that. It was normal to be a redhead. You weren't a freak. No. You were just a person with red hair. No one cared. Now they beat you up. There's literally like bullying if you're a redhead. I was a redhead.

Were you really? When? I was a fucking copper top until I was probably about 11. That's so bizarre. Your hair changed color? Yep. How weird is that? It happened to my kids, too. Both my kids were redheads, and their hair changed when they got older. It's God letting you know I could have fucked you, but I'm going to let you slide. It's like he got me in a headlock, and then he let me out. I'm going to let you go. Yeah, right. Ooh. He gave me a little dick, and then it grew bigger. Oh. I remember having a little dick.

Oh, that was the worst feeling when you were a little kid and, you know, you're just like... Well, you see your dad's dick. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck? I know. What is that thing? What the fuck? And why is it always hard? Yeah.

Men's dicks? Like, when you're a boy, they're terrifying. Like, ugh. Like, see some guy pull out his fucking sausage roll when he's pissing right next to you and you're a little kid. You're like, what the fuck does he do with that thing? Yeah, and his balls are hanging like six inches down. Like Ari's balls or Joey Diaz's balls. Joey Diaz's balls are like grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. Like, what the fuck am I looking at? Those are your balls? Ha ha ha!

His balls look like him. Yeah. Just like cartoonish. Just saggy. Just fucking hilarious. Yeah. His balls are hilarious. Oh, my God. Balls are hilarious. Joey's balls are hilarious. It's amazing that a woman...

Why would they have sex with us? Our penis is awful. Everything about us is gross. Yeah. We're not soft. No. We're not squeezable and lovable. We're not comforting. We're grunting. We have an agenda. Thick, dense, heavy thing on top of you that can kill you and you want it to fuck you. What? Right. Why do they trust us? Trusting us to not kill you? Yeah, I know. Imagine if every woman could kill you.

Yeah. All of them. Every woman that you ever date can literally just strangle you to death. Not a damn thing you could do about it. That's what it's like being a woman. Well, or a gay guy. Well, gay guys can be strong. No, I'm just saying it's weird that there is this accepted power dynamic between a man and a woman when they make love. Because, well, like you said, the woman trusts. But we have two guys. It's kind of like I don't know what it's like.

But I think it might— Tell me what it's like. You know what it's like, son of a bitch. You were just about to tell me what it was like. You were about to break. You know I almost did once, right? How close did you get? I've told this story on my podcast, but I'll give a brief version of it. I went—when I was in college, I was an English major, and I studied like Allen Ginsberg and Kerouac and all these guys that were into homoerotic stuff. A lot of them were gay and—

And then... And even Emerson and Whitman. Like, all that old stuff. It was all gay imagery. And then there was David Bowie. I loved David Bowie. I loved Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger. And these guys were all fucking around with each other. Yeah. And so I was like, all right, this must be kind of something you do. You experiment with this. That's how they get you. That's how they get you. They get a couple mascots. They get the coolest guy in rock and roll. Right? The three coolest guys in rock. Ziggy Stardust. Yeah. And so...

So I was not attracted to men. I never have been. I can appreciate a handsome man. I think you're not hard on the eyes. Thank you. And then I was like, all right, so I guess I'm not going to take it up the ass. Right. Maybe kiss a little bit. No, I didn't want to do that. Suck a cock? Suck a cock. And then I realized, like, I'm going to do it. And when I do it, it's either going to be like, ugh, or it's going to be like.

Oh my God, this is fucking amazing. This is incredible. This is what I've been missing. And so I was drunk one night. I was like a junior in college. And my apartment, remember the Fenway in Boston? Yeah, yeah. The Fenway was like a wooded area. Like every city has a small wooded area.

Where they grow trees for the reason for anonymous gay sex. The brambles in Manhattan. You got Griffith Park in L.A. There's always like a little gay area. So my apartment happened to be, it was on Boylston Street. It was across the street from the Fenway. So I'm stumbling home one night. It's like three in the morning. And I look at the woods and I go, fuck it. I'm going to do it. Wow. So I walk in.

And I'm looking around like, I don't know the protocol. I don't know how it works. And I'm just waiting. And then all of a sudden, it's like fucking leaves are blowing and there's shadows. And then this guy just pops out from behind a tree like a little gay leprechaun. He's like, I'm the guy. I was like, all right, I guess he's the guy. Wow. And he walks over and we look at each other and then he unzips his pants. He pulls out his cock and I'm just looking at it. And then he pulls his balls out. And I look at the balls and I was like,

Nope. No interest. I'm fucking out. That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. And so I got scared because now I'm alone in the woods with a guy with his dick out. And so I just pushed him away from me. Oh, Jesus. And he fell down and then he jumped up and he just sprinted back into the woods with his dick flopping around. I just stumbled out and I was like, well, I guess I can't do that. Ow! Ow!

Ow! He had some poison ivy the next day. What did people used to do when they didn't have covers over their dick and they had to run through the woods? Right. Like, that's a real problem, man. Yeah. Ow! Ow! Ow!

Like, how many... If you have pants on and you run through the woods, your dick gets whacked by twigs and shit, but it's kind of okay. And the vagina's got protection. It's got curtains and walls and blinds and... A girl got kicked in the pussy the other day in a UFC fight. And, uh... Sorry for using the term pussy. Ladies. Uh...

In this term, it's really not a pussy. It's a woman's vagina, right? Yes. Cage fighter. Yes. And they went down and, you know, they stopped the fight and give the person time to recover. And I thought about it. I was like, that's interesting because I guess it's just you can't hit genitals, but there's a giant difference between balls and

And girls can take a pretty good shot to the pussy. Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah, like if they fall and it hurts, just like it hurts your ass bone. Yeah. It hurts if you hurt your dick. That hurts. But the balls. Yeah. That thing, like I was trying to explain to my wife and daughters were asking me what it's like to get kicked in the balls. Yeah.

And I was like, I've been kicked in the balls a hundred times at least. I've been kicked in the ball so many times because I grew up kicking. So I got kicked in the balls by dudes who are really good at kicking. Yeah. There's been many times in my life where I wasn't sure if my dick was going to work anymore. One time I got kicked in the ball so bad that one of my nuts swole up. So my right nut, I think it was my right nut, swole. It was in a tournament. Yeah. I...

I threw a kick and this guy threw a kick under my kick and slammed it into my cup. And this is a guy from the Korean national team. He was really good. He kicked me fucking hard. Yeah. Um,

And they gave me time out. I continued the fight, but I knew it really hurt. I lost the fight. And then as I was driving home, I was with my girlfriend and I was thinking at the time, I was like, I don't know if this thing works anymore. Yeah. Because it was so painful. So I got home and jerked off. And as soon as I jerked off, I'm like, oh, we're good. Yeah. Victory. It works. That was the best orgasm of your life. Yeah.

So that's the weird thing about the cup, isn't it? I've done that. This is how stupid I am. I've done that twice. Another time I got kneed in the dick. I was doing jiu-jitsu and I didn't have a cup on. The last time I trained without a cup on, this guy was passing my guard. It's a standard technique because he wasn't doing it maliciously. You shove your knees through the guard when someone's passing your guard. The guard is the legs. So your legs are wrapped around a person. You're trying to work a submission from the bottom.

And they're trying to pass to get to a better, because in the guard, it's very difficult to submit someone when you're in their guard. You want to get out of their guard, and then it's a more dominant position to submit. So he's trying to pass my guard, so he shoves his knee through, and his knee caught my dick flat. Just like smashed my dick. I'm like, ah, it fucking hurt like hell. But I didn't think anything of it. It was like kind of normal for that stuff to happen when you're training hard with guys who are really good.

And then afterwards I go to the locker room and there's blood in my jock strap. Oh my God. Fuck. So my, my dick is bleeding out my dick hole. So I'm like, okay, what would I do if this was my nose? I was like, I would just go home. It's just a bloody nose. Like, am I being a pussy because it's my dick? It's a bloody dick. Let's just like, we'll give it the night. And if it feels bad tomorrow, we'll go to the doctor. So I get home and I'm like, well, how do I know if it works?

So I jerked off. I jerked off and blood came out with it. No! Yeah. And this is how, because I did it kind of clinical because I want to know. So I did it into the toilet. So I jerked off into the toilet.

While I'm doing it, I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You're so broken. You're such a crazy person. Oh, my God. And then I was like, I think it works. It's all good. Wow. And so the next day, I made sure I didn't get infected. Next day, I was like, just checking, make sure everything's good, didn't hurt. Did you jerk off again? No. I let it go for a couple days, just leave it alone. Yeah. I didn't want it to be sore. But it was fine. It was fine.

It was fine. So some blood vessel burst just like it would burst in your mouth. Yeah. I get fat lips all the time. You know, you're always getting cuts somewhere. Damn. I just treated it like that. But it was scary. I wonder if I hurt that guy's dick in the woods that night. Probably. Branches. Whacked that thing. Ow! Fucking squirrels thinking it's nuts diving at it.

Imagine a fucking gopher just grabbing ahold of your dick. A gopher. They could chew through a tree. You know people have died from gophers before? No. Yes. A lady died recently. She got bit by a gopher. Just bled out. Wow. Bro, they chew through trees. Yeah. And their teeth never stop growing. They have to chew on things to wear their teeth out. Yeah. Otherwise it'll just go right through their fucking face.

Yeah, gophers will fuck. We went upstate. We just had my 25th anniversary this month. Congratulations. Thank you. So we went up to Vermont and upstate New York, me and my wife. It's beautiful up there. Oh, my God. Except for the people. Other than that, it's beautiful. Yeah, we didn't see a lot of them. People are odd. We saw very few people. People that live in those states are odd. We went to a farmer's market. 50 people. Yeah. They're odd.

We were staying in a little town. Some friends of mine moved out there. They kind of retired and decided to take up farming. So they moved out to this farm. In Vermont?

And Vermont. They look like they're from Vermont too, right? They all look like you could pick them out of a lineup. Well, we went to the farmer's market and it really was like, it was like a caricature. It's like, you know, the dudes that look like if you push them, they would just crumble. They have like Birkenstocks on. Everybody looks like Bernie Sanders. Everyone's got tie-dye shirts on and it's just like, good for you guys. You got your spot. Yeah, they got a spot. You can be you right here. You just got to tolerate the winters.

Yeah. If you can tolerate the winters, you're in like the most uber progressive, like, but really kind for the most part. It's like an idyllic sort of environment. Yeah. If you're, there's douchebags everywhere you go. No, and they're like involved with all this communal farming. They're kind people. Yeah. They all pitch in. They help each other out. Like my friends have a bunch of land, so they let these other farmers graze their animals on the land and-

Dude, then we went up into the woods and my friends become an expert on hunting for mushrooms. Oh, Jesus. You ever do that? Those people will get you killed. Oh, yeah. Because there's some that look good and they're not. I know. There's a whole nursing home incident a few years back. Some guy's like, I'm an expert mushroom picker. Got some mushrooms and cooked them up for everybody and they all died. No. Yeah. Some of them will kill you quick.

Yeah, we stuck to the chanterelles. Yeah, those are obvious. Morels are real obvious. Those are great. Then they have these ones called lobster mushrooms that actually look like lobster and they taste like lobster. Really? Yeah, it's freaky. Did you eat them with butter? We sliced them up and sauteed them. We had them with pasta. Wow. Yeah. There it is. Sacramento Bee, in addition to the untimely deaths of Barbara Lopez and Teresa... Try saying that name. Alisyn Newitz...

Four others were sickened after they were given a wild mushroom soup prepared by a caregiver who also consumed the poisonous potage. Caregiver and three elderly residents were hospitalized. Boy, that guy's never cooking for them again. Fuck. You can get...

Really sick from mushrooms. Really sick. Like you could die like quickly from some of them. Some of them are super toxic. When you think about with the death penalty, they can never fucking do it. They zap people and they survive or they shoot them up and they survive. And it's like, give them some fuck. Oh, it happens all the time. Yeah. Really? I thought they all just died. No. A lot of times they fuck up and they have to do a few passes. Isn't it funny that they don't shoot them?

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. There's so many ways to kill somebody effectively. Yeah. You just need a tarp and a shotgun. Yeah. And it's over. And like the old days, the shooting squads, only one person would have live ammunition so that nobody felt the guilt. You'd have like four or five shooters and they didn't tell you whose was the live round. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought it was a couple guys had duds. Yeah, maybe a couple. Yeah, because you need more than one guy. What if that one guy just hits him in the ear like the guy did Trump?

Yeah, I know. Fuck. And the guy's like, what the fuck is going on? You all missed? This is crazy. Maybe the God has spoken. Yeah. God has said, I shouldn't be killed. I say some of these action movies, you see them fucking running around shooting at each other and you go like, wait a minute, this guy was just on a rooftop with a sight and hitting somebody from 300 yards away. And now he can't hit him from he's fucking running down the street and they're missing each other with 20 shots. A lot harder, though.

A lot harder. Yeah. A sniper shot is all just about not having any excess movement. Right. And controlling your breath. Yeah. So when a sniper shoots, they're prone for the most part, meaning they're lined down. So you cut out all the movement. Yeah. Your shoulder's rested. You ever seen like a sniper shoot? Yeah.

Their shoulders rested. You know, they have the stock pressed against their body. And all they're doing is controlling this finger and not flinching and controlling their breathing and keeping that. Because, you know, a lot of these guys can shoot from a mile away now.

Insane. A mile away. And do they factor in gravity on the bullet? They factor in a bunch of different things. A lot of times they're using apps. You can use an app, and you also use an app for the wind. So you want to know which way the wind's blowing and where to hold. And then you have...

a scope that's dialed out, like it's zeroed out at a very specific yardage, whatever it is. So you can just put the crosshair wherever it is. A lot of times if someone's hunting, they would do it like zeroed out at 100 yards. So it effectively would be up or down maybe four inches in 300 yards or 400 yards. Wow. Yeah. So a really fast shooting, flat shooting rifle, you zero them out. So this guy's got to zero this thing out at 100.

Fucking how many thousand yards is a mile? How long is that? What is that in yards? 12 12 so I've heard of guys shooting 1500 yard shots

No shit. Yeah, so there's so much equipment. It has to be so dialed in. I mean, they're citing in these things on ranges, and it's so specific. It's 1700, sorry. It's 1700.

1700, okay. That's so crazy. That's so far away. That's so far away you can barely see it. That's a mile? Yeah. So they're looking through this insane scope on this rifle, and they've got this crosshair on some dude's head that's a mile away, and they go, "Poom!" And then you just wait. Takes a second. Yeah, I think it takes two seconds. How many seconds does it take for, let's say, a 300 Win Mag. 300 Win Mag at 1700 yards.

a standard, like, high-powered rifle round that they would use...

I don't know if that's what they would use for snipers. Those guys are very, the long range guys are very different than any other kind of shooter. Yeah. They're all about the science and the tech and all the stuff that's involved in getting the win. I have a buddy of mine who does long range shooting. He's not a tactical, he's just a gun enthusiast who likes long range shooting. He does competitions. Yeah. And they just shoot steel. And you hear, boom, dink.

It's like quite a long while afterwards. Yeah. So like if you're shooting an animal and it's walking, it's super unethical. Yeah. Because you don't know what that thing's going to do. And the time between you shooting the gun, like with a bow and arrow, you never shoot at a walking animal. Okay. Because they're moving. Right. Or if you do, you have to be a real expert and you would lead. You would like shoot them in the front of the shoulder to get into the vitals as they're walking. But that's like...

That's an added element of, "Woo, anything can happen." How much adjusting do you do when you're shooting a crossbow? As far as wind and distance? Crossbows are a little bit more accurate and they shoot a bolt instead of an arrow. So it's smaller and it's probably because it's smaller, it's not going to have as much effect by wind. It's going to have less to move around, less mass to move around.

They're very fast though. Those bolts are way faster than an arrow. Like an arrow, if you have a really fast bow, your arrow's probably going to go between 300 and 340 feet per second. That's normal. That's normal for like a high speed bow. But for a crossbow, what's the fastest crossbow? I bet it's like 500 plus.

And then you also have a scope on a crossbow and a trigger. It's much more accurate. You could just put that thing on, bang, bang, bang. It's way more accurate at 100 yards. And you can go pop, pop, pop fast? Nah, you can't. No, you'd have to reload it. Oh, you reload each shot? Yeah, you have to reload each shot. There's one guy who invented a thing for a compound bow. It's kind of crazy. It's like...

It's all these arrows stacked in. He's got like this device and you draw it back and you can shoot one arrow after another. 600 feet per second. That's like when you took me shooting. Remember when we went shooting up in the valley at that guy's ranch? Yes. And he had a, it was a shotgun, but he set it up like an AK-47. So you could go, you could shoot a shotgun, but like, pop, pop, pop, pop.

Yeah, terror tactical. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that was the crazy. You're like, you want to shoot tomorrow? I was like, yeah, I figured we're going to some range with a bunch of, you know, yuppies shooting in Izod shirts and flip flops. And I walk out and we drive down. I get off the highway, get to a dirt road, down the dirt road, get to a fucking dirt driveway. I'm like, where the fuck are we going? And we get to this place and it's Ukrainian chicks in yoga shorts and crop tops.

and they are the most badass. They are fucking master shots. Yeah. And we get down there and what was the guy's name that runs it? Yeah, holy shit. He taught Keanu Reeves for all the John Wick movies. He taught Halle Berry when she was in John Wick. He teaches anytime a celebrity needs to learn how to look like

Real assassin yeah, go to that guy. Yeah, he's a multiple-time champion and in those you know when they do those They have a course and you run the course and you know like deep they time unit That guy wins all those fucking really oh, he's a wizard. Yeah. He's like revered for his military gun No, I don't think so hmm. He's just a psycho What about that? What about the women where do they come from I think that's his social media ploy and then I

A lot of those women are real actual competitors. They do those same sort of competitions. They just happen to be tense. Have you ever seen those gun competitions? No. Well, they're fun to watch. See if you can find one of those where they run a course. So they time them and it's all about accuracy and speed. But if you're a hot chick and you can get involved in something that's a primarily male thing, what is the ratio of male gun enthusiasts to female gun enthusiasts? Is it...

seven to three. Oh, way more. I'm being nice. Yeah, you're being very nice. I'm being real nice. So if you're a hot chick in yoga shorts and you're also awesome with a gun, you get a lot of attention. No, one of the biggest social media accounts is this girl who's a super hot, full-figured golfer. Oh, of course. She's huge. Of course, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you can get... If you're hot in that world, you know, a world of like...

dopey men. That's a great ploy. It's a good move. It's like being one of those women that attracts Cher or Bette Midler. That attracts gay guys? That attracts gay guys. That's the best draw. Chelsea Handler. They all get all these gay guys showing up. And they spend money. They got that no children money kicking around in their pockets. Yeah.

No children money is real money. Although now most have children. Do you know that those guys get divorced the least? I love that. That's amazing. The ratio is, correct me if I'm wrong,

uh with male female it's like 50 but it's skewed it's not really 50 what it is is a lot of people are serial divorcees okay so they get married and get divorced get married and get divorced like the amount of people that stay together it's probably higher than 50 but there's a bunch of jennifer lopez's out there up the curve you know there's a bunch of people that get like four or five marriages five six seven marriages

This episode is brought to you by SimpliSafe. I talk a lot about taking care of yourself, you know, working out and eating right. But that also means you should be doing what you can to stay safe. And no one does safe quite like SimpliSafe.

They have some of the best home security systems on the market, and they make it so easy to protect what you care about most, you and your family. With Fast Protect monitoring and Live Guard protection, their agents can respond within five seconds of receiving your alarm. They can even see, speak to, and deter intruders in real time.

I really like that there's no bullshit with their pricing. There's no hidden fees or extra costs. You know exactly what you're paying for. So if you're going to trust anyone with you and your family's safety, trust SimpliSafe. They've been named best home security systems by U.S. News and World Report for five years running. And right now, you can get an exclusive 50% discount on a new system, plus a free indoor security camera with fast protect monitoring just for

Visit simply safe dot-com slash Rogan, but this offer is available for a limited time only So be sure to order today. That's simply safe dot-com slash Rogan There's no safe like simply safe before other minds, right? Yeah Then there's lesbians. That's real high. That's like 70 plus percent of divorced Yeah, 70 plus percent, but then there's gay guys. Oh

Gay guys, I think it's 26% divorce ratio. Oh, shit. Yep, super low. Dude, because you get to hang out with a dude. You get to hang out. I would love to marry you. We would have such a good time. We'd have so much fun. We'd have fun all the time.

It's just I'd chicken out every time it was time to suck your dick. I'd be like, sorry, man. I don't like how that thing looks. You'd be like, shit. Your balls. I should have dressed my balls up nice for Greg. Yeah, gay guys, they're hanging out with guys. I mean, I joked around about it in my special that I wish I was gay. Because if that's what you liked, you're hanging out with a bunch of guys. Sounds fun, as long as they're not annoying. Right. Because an annoying...

An annoying girl is not as annoying as an annoying guy.

Annoying guys can be a real problem. Like aggro annoying guys? Yeah. They're worse than anything. Because you never feel comfortable. You're always in this state of, oh, God. They're always trying to one-up everybody. Something could happen here. Something stupid. This guy could break a bottle and drink from it. There's morons out there. Annoying guys are dangerous. Annoying girls are just usually just annoying. Right.

Just just an annoying human. They don't have that element of this could be dangerous. That's

That's a good point. Yeah. Especially if they're big. Big drunk guys are scary. Yeah. They get those gopher eyes. Their pupils go away. They just look like a fucking zombie. I wonder what the stats are on drunk driving between men and women. I bet it's so much higher with dudes. Just crazy dudes. Because a lot of girls are like, I can fucking do it. I can fucking do it. Yeah. But then men are like, I'm not even drunk, bro. Yeah. Yeah.

My dad used to drunk drive. Crazy. He crashed a car into a tree and died, and they brought him back to life. He was in the emergency room for weeks. Men are four times more drunk driving... Four times more drunk driving-related accidents than women. Drunk male drivers cause 80% of the drunk driving fatalities documented. Holy shit. 81% of people arrested for drunk driving were men. Only 19% were women. How many of those women just had big tits? And they...

Ma'am, we'll take you home. You live by yourself. Yeah, cops have a weakness for drunk women, for sure. Oh, yeah. There's some fucking hilarious body cams out there of girls going out to anything.

Please, please don't arrest me. I'll do anything. Yeah. What was the one where she goes, don't you want to help out a pretty woman? And he goes, well, if I see one, I'll help her out. You never saw that? I didn't see that one. I never know how many of them are real.

These days. Because I think these days there's a lot of people who fake police interactions and they do stuff for clout. They stage things for clout. They'll make a viral video of like a fake fight. People throwing things at each other all for clout.

I like the one with the father and the son. They always do these big, crazy physical stunts where they destroy the living room and have a fight and they scream at each other. But it's so real. I bought it the first two times and I was like, oh, no, they're not fighting this often, this hard. They wouldn't still be living together. Right. But it's so funny. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, you can trick people today. There's a lot of fake stuff going on.

You know? Yeah. A lot of fake. How many war footage videos were out? People go, that's from a video game. Like, what? Well, I guess Faces of Death, a lot of those were fake. Yep. Yeah, a lot of them.

The war footage stuff is crazy because that's how good the video games are. Those video games are so good today that you watch them, especially if you're looking at it on your phone, right? Especially my eyes. My eyes aren't that good. And I'm looking at some fucking jet getting shot down. I'm like, wow, that's crazy. Look at how high res that is. Kudos to the camera guy. I really...

And I'm like, oh, it's a video game, you fucking idiot. Well, how much longer until like, you know, the AI nudes are so fucking real. Oh, yeah. And now they're making AI nude videos, not just stills. Yeah. Well, they can do AI porn for sure. Yeah. I mean, I haven't seen it, but I'm sure it exists because they can do AI scenes with human beings that are indiscernible. You cannot tell. Yeah.

It's gone. The Sora, the newest technology, have you seen it? No. Google that. Bring that one up, Jamie, of the Tokyo Street. So they have this footage that is all just a prompt, right? So they put in a prompt to this AI, like drone footage of Tokyo Street while it's snowing. And this...

Video is entirely fake, and it looks exactly like someone flew a drone over Tokyo. The people are moving in random manners. They're moving at different speeds. They look natural. Look at this. This is all fake, dude. This is even six months old. I think this is newer stuff.

So it's even better than us. So it's even better. Look at that. This is insane. Look how good the texture looks on the snow, like on the... How it varies. Yeah. I mean, look, all the people, the fucking...

It's just wild, man. And this is the stuff that we know about. You know, this is the stuff, I mean, for sure, they have some new version of this that they just haven't released to the public yet. Well, and also how it's affecting the entertainment business. Like, Tyler Perry just was about to build a billion-dollar studio in Atlanta. It's because of that. No, and then he saw that and he canceled the plans. He's like, we don't need 50.

physical production any longer. Yeah, it was an $800 million facility he was putting down. He saw Sora. That's what he saw. Oh, okay. And they realized like, oh, we don't need any of this anymore. They're not going to need actors either. Right. Which is like part of the strike was that they were trying to own the digital rights to a person. Like say if they paid you, you're a background extra. They don't want to have to keep paying extras. So we'll own all their faces. Yeah, they stand...

And they get shot in a green screen from like eight different angles for a half an hour, and then they own them for life. This is newer. This is 11 days old. It says it was posted by OpenAI. Jesus Christ, man. They're all looking at a UFO. This is bananas.

This is completely bananas. Yeah. This is all AI generated. Not to mention the scripts are going to be mostly AI generated. Oh, yeah, 100%. But that's the thing I'm saying about this, that when they're doing this stuff and putting this stuff into a prompt...

It's easy. It's instantaneous. Yeah. And so what they were trying to do with these background... Imagine you're a background guy. You just moved to Hollywood. You want to get work as an actor. So you decide to take a background gig in a movie. You sign this thing off. But then you wind up becoming successful. Yeah.

That's how almost all actors get started. Sure. They start as background people or work on the crew. They get auditions. That's Harrison Ford. He was a fucking carpenter, right? But now they have your likeness for the rest of your life and they can just shove you into movies. Hey, why is Harrison Ford in that fucking movie? Yeah. Oh, well, Harrison Ford was an extra, you know? Yeah. Fuck that. So they don't need to shoot new stuff. They can use old footage of people. Dude, they don't need...

Anything anymore they could do John Wayne movies, but really sophisticated like Tarantino John Wayne movie like they could do that right now Yeah, like someone in AI using this program wait. Maybe not now maybe five months from now can make a John Wayne Tarantino film like make a Western but in the style of Quentin Tarantino with the same type of dialogue uh-huh and

Like that Robert Rodriguez would direct with him. Yeah. And put that together. And they can make it in the style of these guys. They just look at Kill Bill, look at Reservoir Dogs. Okay, we kind of know what he's into. Okay. Bam. And it's moody. It's dark. There's rain dripping from the ceiling. You're looking at the gun before he shoots the guy. The pupils dilate. The fucking, the pores. Guy's got a pockmarked face from acidity.

acne scars, I mean they can do everything man. It looks like a real movie. And a movie is a little easier to do than video. I would think because in a movie you make the background blurry. It's a little softer, yeah. That's a weird thing like we like films where it doesn't look real.

We like a film where when you're talking, everybody in the background is blurry. I don't want to see everybody in the background crystal clear like in real life. The first time I got a high-def TV, it threw me. I was like, this looks fake. Everything looks fake. Yeah, everything was too much in my face. And I think Tarantino still shoots on film.

I think his films are all done on film. I think the problem with video is it's too good. It's too good. Like soap operas. Don't they shoot those on film or on video? They shoot them on video. It's probably cheaper. I'm sure it's video because the editing is so much easier. When you edit film, you have to convert it and then edit it and then you have to convert it back again. I've written on TV shows that were filmed.

And first of all, you can't do as many takes in a row because you have to change the reels on the cameras. Yeah. So you get to get in two or three takes and you got to stop down for five minutes and reload. I'm pretty sure NewsRadio is film.

Yeah, I'm sure it was. Yeah, 90%. And I think Fear Factor was not. Usually multi-camera is when you're in a studio like Everybody Loves Raymond or something like that. That's usually shot digitally. I think they tried to do it digitally, like one episode or something. God, maybe I'm remembering. Maybe it was something else I did. But I remember they were trying to make this transition.

People didn't like the way it looked. There was a video on advertisement the other day with Tom Cruise and someone else, and they were talking about the settings on your television, that if you have the settings on your television set from the factory incorrectly, it can make these brilliant films look too much good.

like video because of whatever funky, you know shit they're doing to make the film the television look clear and crisper Which is great in most things but it's not great when you're watching a film that's been sort of designed to get you to focus on specific things and have a background more blurry right like I remember the first time I saw I've one of the Star Wars films like stuff like

Return of the Jedi or one of those and I saw it on a high resolution big screen TV I was like this looks like dog shit yeah the background was so fake it was like so clearly like a painting of a spaceship in the background it looked so corny but in the movies it looked perfect yeah right

Yeah, I was going to shoot my special on film. I actually was talking to Kodak and getting the reels and it ended up it was going to be three times more expensive to shoot it on film. But think about like live at the Sunset Strip. Oh, yeah. I mean, just it felt like you were in the room. You could smell it and feel it. It's also a time capsule too, though, right?

Yeah. There's something about that where you're like, God, Richard Pryor's like 35 back then. Look at him. You know, look at the crowd. Look at the audience. This is wild. What was it like back then? Imagine being alive back then and sitting in that audience back then. Like, fuck. Right.

Is there any good footage of Lenny Bruce? There's some. A lot of black and white stuff. I would love to see that. Yeah. There's a lot of unfortunate footage. There was him when he was kind of going crazy at the end of his life. He was just reading from transcripts of his trial. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever see those? Yeah, that's bad. They're weird. Yeah. They're weird. Yeah. Because people don't know what they're listening to. Like, why am I listening to this?

He became obsessed with his trial. Uh-huh. Trials. You know, they were just putting that guy in jail for doing something we do every night. Mm-hmm. Which is really crazy. Yeah. Really crazy. Yeah. There we go. From 1965. I'm happy alone, don't you see? I've convinced you. I don't know how I get so dramatic about it. You better off alone, man. I got it.

That's it, I'm gonna get a whole bunch of new suits. You know, I've had the same dumb suit for ten years. You walk in her closet, you can't even breathe. That's it, I'll get a whole bunch of suits. I'll get a chick that likes to hang out, man. I'll get a... I'll have the vodka parties. That's modern. Vodka parties, swing it up, ball it up. I'll get a chick... I'll get a chick who likes to drink. Boy, my wife sure used to look good standing up against the sink. She's the lowest, though. I really put her down, though.

This isn't probably the best example. I don't know why you picked that, but the oldest version of him. I like that fucking suit. Yeah, it is a sharp suit.

That is, and all that shit. You know what's great? The Dustin Hoffman film where he plays him. Oh, yeah. He did a fucking phenomenal job. He did. He did a fucking phenomenal job. Dustin Hoffman nailed it. He nailed it. It's tough to play a comedian when you're not a comedian. There's something you can't put your finger on about the rhythm of it. Well, you know they're faking it. Well, you know who's not bad? Have you seen that show Hacks? No. Jean Smart? No. She's fucking good.

Yeah. She's a great actress, but she pulls it off. Well, the lady who did Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Oh, yeah, yeah. She pulled it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She pulled it off. Yeah. That was Joan Rivers it's based on, basically, right? I don't know. It seems like it's the same time. It seems a little. I think maybe. Yeah. Maybe an influence, but I think it's a pretty unique...

fictional story of someone who's friends with Lenny Bruce? Hacks is definitely based on Joan Rivers. Oh, really? Because she has a whole QVC line and it's a lot of the same stuff. But then the woman that plays, she's got like this writer who's like her, she writes for her and goes on the road with her, played by Lorraine Newman's daughter. Oh, wow. I can't remember her name, but she's fucking great. You know what the best conspiracy theory about Joan Rivers is? What? That she was killed because she outed Michelle Obama for being a man. Oh, God.

Midge Maisel from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was inspired by real life comedian Joan Rivers, sharing similarities in their upbringing, education, and performing at the Gaslight Cafe in New York. She nails it though. Yeah.

Rachel Brosnahan, is that how you say her name? Yeah, she's so talented. She nails it. I think she's won at least two Emmys for that show. Yeah, she nails it. The first season and the second season are amazing. I trailed off in the third season. I bailed off in the third season also. You know what it got? It got very sticky. It got very Jewish sounding.

Almost like a Neil Simon play. I want to see the struggle in her trying to make it because it's kind of crazy that this housewife decides to become a comedian and she's actually really talented and kind of wild and crazy.

But then once she starts making, I'm bored. Yeah. Because now you're in nonsense land. Right, right. Now she's going to be glamorous. She's doing USO tours. Like, shut the fuck up. Yeah. You know who's great in that show is Kevin Pollack. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's really strong. He is great in that. He's one of those guys that just like- He could do anything. For a lot of- You ever see his IMDB page? He's done hundreds of roles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's played bad guys, good guys. Yeah. Yeah.

He's a good comic, too. He is? Yeah, it's hard for people to pull off because...

You gotta really be doing it because if you're not really doing it I know you're not really doing it like if it's not really making the audience laugh like even if you had to do your act and there was a crowd of people that were paid to laugh at your act So you have to do your act they've see you do it over and over and over again take five and they do and they have to ha ha ha ha I'm gonna know you're not connecting with them. I'm gonna know they're not connecting with you You're never really gonna be able to do that

Unless the guy actually does stand-up. Yeah. Like, if Louis C.K. was going to do a movie about a comic, and he would have to, like, do stand-up. And, you know, he used to do that in Louis, right? Yeah. In Louis, at the beginning of the show, he would do a little stand-up. Well, they—he actually did the stand-up, though. That was actual real stand-up. I think Seinfeld, too, did that. He got real audiences. The only way to do it.

If you have a movie and you have a bunch of people that are being paid to sit and be audience members, like the whole dynamic is fucked. Yeah. It's never going to be real. It has to be real.

You'd have to just bring in crowds. Just bring in a bunch of crowds. Like have a comic do it and film it at a theater, film four shows. That's the only way you're going to do it. You have to actually do it this way. And you might have to swap out the crowds because you're doing multiple takes. So just bring in a new one after two hours. Yeah. Well, instead of doing multiple takes, what you would do is you would just film all the stand-up and then splice it into the show or the movie. That's what you would do. That's the only way to do it and make it real.

Tom, remember, what was it, Tom Hanks? Punchline, yeah. It was so bad. Terrible with Sally Fields. Oh, my God. They had lockers at the comedy club. Everybody had their own locker. Remember, we were like, you and I had just started back then. Yeah. Because that was when that was going on. And I remember thinking, God, the difference between real life and these fucking movies is so crazy. But it was also, when they were doing stand-up, it wasn't funny. It wasn't real. Uh-huh. Yeah.

There was nothing. It wasn't locked in, you know? No, and he hadn't. And it's always that same storyline every comic. Which, you know, there's an element of truth to it. But they're starting out. They've got a shtick. And then an older person pulls by and goes, hey, man, you've got to just be yourself. You've got to use your own voice. And then all of a sudden they go up with no script.

But they just are themselves. I mean, they did it in Maisel. But it's true. I mean, it is true to a certain extent, but they just hit it so hard. But she had material in Maisel. Yeah. She had a lot of shit that was on her mind. She had stories, right. Yeah, she wanted to tell those stories that she thought were hilarious. Yeah. That was a little different, but Punchline was just nonsense. Oh, my God. But although I heard a story. You remember Lucian Holt from the comic strip? Look at them all.

Wait there. Oh, that's Taylor... That's the locker room I was showing you. Taylor something. He was super talented. Yeah. He was a super nice guy, too. Yeah. Fuck, what was his last name? He died a few years back. Yeah. Yeah.

Negron? Taylor Negron? That's it. That's it. Funny dude. Very nice guy. Came up to me at the improv one night, and we had a cool conversation. But Lucian Holt brought me to his apartment. Lucian Holt, by the way, he had mixed feelings because anytime you're a club booker, you're going to have a certain number of people that just are not a fan because they didn't get passed. But Lucian was an amazing guy. He was a curator of...

Eddie Murphy of Chris Rock. Like he was the guy that brought people through the strip. Adam Sandler. Yeah. And he brought me to his apartment one time and he had wall to wall videos back when everything was half inch VHS tapes.

walls of everybody's first times. Wow. And so he showed me when Tom Hanks came in for Punchline, he only did stand up for like three nights and he came into this strip and he did it. And I got to be honest, like he came in and he had some written material and he fucking did good. And then someone heckled and he like annihilated them and then got back into the material. I was like, fuck this guy. This is him?

Oh, is that the tape? 1987. Yeah.

You know, you can bet this bald guy is going to get Stallone over like this at some point. You know, I think you're going to have the close-ups. The hand, the eye, the hand, the eye. The first time. Pretty fucking good. Pretty fucking good. With the pauses. Yeah. Timing. The flashback sequence to his son. Poppy, Poppy, over the top. Ha!

See they should have used that in the movie. Exactly. So that was good. Make it look grainy. But no no no no it doesn't have to be grainy but that film him film him actually doing stand-up. Yeah. That's what you should have done. Yeah. So it's not that he sucked because right there he just did it but he was at flip the top nobody knows how to use these goddamn things.

It's amazing how many people, you give them a Calibri lighter and they just... Well, it's like man discovering fire. So if they used that, I would have bought that movie. That would have been a much better movie. How did they not know that? If you're doing a film on stand-up and you're going to have comics, you could have just had them doing stand-up. Actually do stand-up. Just get a comedy club. You say, Tom Hanks is going to perform. It's going to sell out.

And you say, oh, and ladies and gentlemen, you guys are going to be in a movie. Please do not heckle and have a great show. I'm like, oh my God, we're going to be in a movie. This is amazing. You'd be extra excited, all happy. It would be great. It would have been a great movie. Yeah. But maybe, you know, Sally Fields' jokes were terrible in that movie. Awful. I'd like to see her set. You know who wrote all the jokes? Who? Barry Sobel. Did he do it on Purposely Bad? Yeah.

No, I think they gave him like five minutes. I don't know. He was in it. He used to kill it back then. Barry Sobel? Oh, yeah. When I first started coming to the store, he was one of the big names there. Yeah. He was on MTV a lot back then. I remember that was the guy from Punchline. But it was quite a while afterwards, right? So this was like 94, and that movie was like 88. And he was still kind of doing that same kind of character. That was a weird thing about the store in 94. It's like, you know when a wave—

Hits ashore and then pulls back. You see like driftwood and shit. Just get stuck on the beach. That was the story of 94. Yeah. Because Kinnison was this wave and Kinnison and that movement was this wave that washed over comedy in Hollywood.

And then Kenison left the store and then Kenison died in a car accident. Yeah. And then I came to the store like two years later and it was like beach wood. You know, it's like fucking driftwood and bottle caps and shit. Right. It's like,

there was a lot of guys there that should have not been doing standing up anymore they had been doing the same act for 30 years it was weird bodak's guy like i was like this is the comedy store like this is weird and there was 18 people in the crowd and then like dom herrera would go up or someone legit would show up or damon wayans would show up and you go oh there's still some good guys here there's still some good guys here but it was um when kinnison was around it's

Because there was like this vibrant energy to comedy in Hollywood. And I missed that wave. God, I wish I could have seen it. Imagine that Robin Williams popping in. Nuts. Fuck. Going, I hope he doesn't do my material.

Yeah, he was in the crowd one night. I was at the Comedy Cellar, and he was in the crowd. Just sitting, for some reason. He was drunk. He had had a lapse, and he started heckling me, but in a playful way. He wanted to improv and fuck around. So I did. I played with him. I don't know where I got it in me, but I was shitting on him for being Mork from Ork, and he was laughing. He didn't jump up on the stage, which would have been fucking sweet.

And then he hung out after. I met him a few times. Fucking sweetest guy in the world. And not at all how he is on stage. Like very sweet. Yeah, very calm. Very minimal, calm. Very much like interested in you, like ask you questions. Yeah. I met him once at the improv. And I didn't know I was talking to him until like a couple minutes into our conversation. Oh, shit. So I did a show at the improv. Then afterwards I was taking pictures. So I was in the front bar and there's a line of people just taking pictures, saying hi to people.

And this guy comes up and he said, that was really wonderful. I really, really loved this one bit. And he's talking to me about this bit. He's like, that bit, it's like, God, the courage to say that. And I'm like, this is Robin Williams. Like, he's got a big white beard and a hat on. And I didn't realize it. Well, thank you, man. I go, I really appreciate it. And thank you for coming. He goes, yeah, I really wanted to watch your set. It was really fun.

I was like, wow. That's pretty cool. It was cool. But I was like, this is the craziest thing. He didn't introduce himself. I'm Robin Williams. He waited in line. Nobody noticed that he was in line because he had this big beard. A big beard and glasses and a hat on. Yeah. And it took me like... I was like, oh, shit. Super nice guy. Super nice guy. I wish there wasn't that joke stealing thing connected with him. But I think...

In his defense, I think he was kind of crazy. I don't think he remembered he was doing it. I think it was just like, it was sticky. Jokes were sticky to him. And then they came up because he was improvising. Yeah. And I read this article about him. That's a nice, that's a hopeful way. You hope he didn't know he was doing it. It was like, fuck it, I'm doing it anyway. I want to make it. He used to steal so much from Rick Overton that he was getting, he would just call his manager and be like, he did it again. And they just cut him a check.

But it was like, you know, money doesn't cover it. That's your tool belt. That's taking somebody's... It could be the difference between you making it and not making it, right? You can have one bit. Like sometimes for a comic, it's one bit that you base an entire career on. And you have this one bit, and this bit shows you that with the proper focus and a subject where you're really connected to it, you can come up with a banger.

So I can fuck, and you can headline and close with that. And if some guy just does that on TV, they have just hamstringed your act. Like you don't have a closer anymore. And maybe you base other stuff on that bit. Like maybe it's like you point to it at previous times so that the end part is even funnier because it's kind of a callback. Yeah. And I've seen it happen to guys where their career just tanked.

You remember Larry Miller's closing bit on the 10 stages or how many stages of being drunk?

He closed with that shit for years and people demanded it because it was just, it was an act out. So you didn't get sick of seeing it. Right, right. And he honed it over the years. I mean, he's such a craftsman. He's such an exacting performer and such a precise writer. And then I saw some guy doing that bit and I was like, dude. I mean, I hate to bring up Mencia, but like, it was like that thing with Cosby with the football thing. Like, dude, that's like exact performance.

Not only that, it's a legendary bit. Yeah. That's what's crazy. But I think people did things before they understood the internet because they didn't understand that there's going to be real consequences. It's not just some people talking about things. It's a video that shows the bit of...

by Cosby and then your bit back to back. Yeah. You could, there's a thing that happened because of the internet where it wasn't a rumor anymore. It was like, you could just see it right in front of your face and go, oh, there's no way. Well, especially when it's more than one bit and they put a compilation together. Sure. Then it's like, wow. Also, there's a thing that happens with those guys where you see there's a stark contrast between the material they steal and the material they write themselves. Mm-hmm.

Like the material they write themselves, it doesn't make any sense. It's like they're doing a caricature of the guy who was killing with the jokes with that same attitude. But now you have nothing connected to it, but you have all this confidence. But it doesn't make any sense.

And when they get caught, then they have to do their own stuff. And you usually, it's a fucking drop off a cliff. Yeah. It's a drop off a cliff, the difference between the early stuff where they weren't stealing, or they were stealing rather,

and the later stuff where they have to write their own stuff. Well, also when you get guys that aren't just taking, and not just guys, women obviously, who aren't just taking the jokes, but they're taking the persona. Like how many guys did we see being Bill Hicks back in the day? Well, there was a sign in the green room of the punchline in Atlanta, quit trying to be Hicks. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Somebody, the back, the back green room of the punchline Atlanta or yeah, Atlanta was awesome because,

there was a bunch of people that signed the wall. You know, the walls were all signed and it was like, wow, that guy, Mitch Hedberg. And there's a big sign. Someone who wrote, quit trying to be Hicks. That's awesome. Yeah. That was a great club. Atlanta punchline. Perfect club. Perfect old wooden club. Perfect club. And it had, uh, they must've done comedy 30 years there. Oh yeah. They moved to a, they moved to a, it's funny because it's not as big of a place and it's connected to like a diner.

But it still kind of got the magic of the old punchline. Yeah, that's great. Atlanta crowds. We did a nice theater in Atlanta one time. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, that was fun. That was fun as shit. Yeah. Atlanta's great. It's a great comedy place. Yeah. It's...

You know, it sucks they had to lose that original spot, though. That original spot was so perfectly designed. I think it was literally crumbling by the end. Was it? Yeah. Oh, the building was falling apart? I think it was a teardown. Yeah. And I just like, there's something about old clubs where you really can feel the history. Oh, yeah. Like Zaney's. Zaney's in Nashville. Yeah. Yeah. And the Punchline in San Francisco. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You feel it in the walls. Denver Comedy Works. Oh, yeah. I'm there next week. Yeah. You feel it in the walls. Yeah. Yeah.

It's like so many people laughed there so many people have had good times there It's like burned into the building and also I think the the staff you can tell a great club because you go back year after year And it's the same staff. Yeah, you know you got people that you know It's a waitress that she's been working there 20 years, but she's got a day job, but she's like fuck that I'm come I'm still coming in on Friday nights because these are my friends you know and I get to see all the comics that I've loved over the years Yeah the

All those clubs. And then you go to some of these bigger clubs where they're like a chain and the turnover is fast. Yeah. There's a big difference. Yeah. It's also, it's like, you have a regular job at a restaurant or something like that. Yeah. Isn't that boring? Yep. Isn't that boring? When you rather go see comedy, have fun, laugh, everybody's drinking. Uh-huh. It's a festive environment. Yeah. Even if you're not listening to the comic, if someone's killing you in the room and someone's killing, it feels good.

Yeah, yeah. She's got some good energy to it. I know. And it's also, my niece moved out to San Diego and I got her a job as a waitress at the comedy store in La Jolla. Oh, wow. And so she hit the ground running because like, you know, you don't know people and all of a sudden she's working with a staff of people that are all fun as shit and they work together and then they all go out for drinks afterwards and now she's got a real job and she's, yeah, she's still working there one or two nights a week. That comedy store in La Jolla is another one of those places. It's a classic room. Classic room. You can kiss.

Hell in that room. Yeah, I know. Quite a few people have done specials there. Well, I think the store is actually setting out to do a bunch of specials down there. They've got some good people that they've kind of hired to do a production wing of the store. It's a perfect room. Yeah. Perfect room. Yeah. It's actually even better than the O.R.,

because there's less people going in, like there's less noise. Like the OR has the problem with that hallway. That hallway sucks. And it's also not LA. So you've got a little bit of a better cross section of people. Yeah. Yeah. More fun. Yeah. Less pretense. Yeah. Yeah. That's a problem with LA. Everybody in the audience wants to be on stage.

Yeah. Even if they're not funny, they wish they were or they could have been. Maybe that could have been me. Yeah. You know? Where they, it's not like, this is Mike. You know, Mike has a fucking, runs a John Deere factory. He likes to go out with his wife on the weekend and laugh. That's it. Like a normal guy. Yep. Just a human. Yeah. Everybody wants, like that whole town is at least poisoned. Yeah.

by people that want to be famous. Is at least some aspect of it, the radiation from that Chernobyl, is in everything. In everything that everybody does. There's a certain percentage of bullshit that exists in normal conversations in Hollywood that just doesn't exist in the rest of the country. No, I was just in New York last week and all anybody talks about in New York is they talk about politics in a smart way, they talk about culture, they talk about writers and

And then you go back to L.A. and they just all talk about show business. Like even your doctor. Your doctor wants to talk about his famous clients. And he's got headshots on his wall. It's like, you're a fucking doctor. Yeah. I don't care that Leonard Nimoy used to come here. He's dead. You failed. All headshots. All over the wall. Yeah. It's so strange. My shrink said to me one time, he goes...

I was telling him about how I was down. I don't know if you remember this, but I used to do Stern a lot. And Stern, I asked him to write the foreword to my book.

And do you remember this story? I do remember, yeah. Yeah, so he basically ran me through the mill. And it was a bit. It was a radio bit. It wasn't mean-spirited. It was a little mean-spirited. Well, it came off way worse than the reality of it was. Explain it to people that don't know what we're talking about. Well, so I asked him to write the foreword to my book. And then he said on the air, there's a million things I'd rather do than sit down and write this foreword. And I think the intent was he didn't want people coming to him and asking him to do things like this. Or he'd be doing it all the time.

So I asked him to do it and he just starts busting my balls and calling me at home and saying, "I don't wanna do this," and blah, blah, blah. So I go to my shrink and I'm talking about, I have depression. Just let that sit for a second.

And he says to me, he goes, it's so weird. He should have never fucking told me this. He goes, I have a patient that came in and he said he's having a hard time lately. And I said, well, what's going on? And he goes, well, my boss at work is a fucking douche. My wife keeps telling me that I'm not emotional enough. And then there's this guy named Greg Fitzsimmons on the Howard Stern Show and they're just torturing him.

It's just so, and I go, you shouldn't fucking tell me that. Oh my God. He shouldn't have told you that. And now you're walking through the streets thinking everybody stares at you. It's like that fucking loser. Look at him. Yeah. That's the problem with having that kind of a platform. Uh-huh. But, uh, but I'm better now. My depression is never been better. What'd you do different? Um, I got way more disciplined about working out. You can probably see it.

Look at that. Guns. Guns. I'm doing yoga. I'm doing... Well, they say that that is 1.25 times more effective than SSRIs. Yeah. Regular exercise. Yeah. Regular exercise. I meditate. Just meditated before I came here every day. I think that's 90% of what's wrong with people. I know that it's such a meathead perspective.

But I think everybody should do something physical. I think we have requirements. I know you don't want to do it, but I think we have requirements. Just like you have to brush your teeth. Just like you have to eat food. Just like you have to take vitamins. I think we have requirements. I think you have requirements to move or it fucks with your head. Absolutely.

And gym class used to be intense at school. Oh, yeah. You used to have a fucking locker and shower after third period because they just made you run like an army obstacle course and do push-ups and jumping jacks. Bro, we played dodgeball. Yeah, yeah. We grew up with dodgeball, which was crazy. Yeah.

You were whipping balls into people's faces. Your heart was racing. Yeah, dude. And you're chasing people with the ball. And if you catch some kid who fucking stumbles, he's getting it right in the face. Right?

That game was nuts. And it was co-ed and the girls went down fast. Horrible. Yeah. You see the big red welt on the side of the leg? Yeah. The Irish girl with the pale skin gets fucking banged. It was horrible. It was horrible. She got varicose veins on her neck to this day. Yeah, there's some people that were really good at throwing that fucking dodgeball too. That shit was terrifying. Yeah, those kids with the long arms. And they got rid of that.

Yeah. They got rid of that. But dude, we used to run laps. Oh yeah. We used to fucking run laps and then you felt good and you went back to class. I taught my kids, their gym classes weren't shit. They didn't have to do anything. The hardest thing I ever did when I was a kid was wrestling. I did one year of wrestling and it was, but I couldn't do both that and Taekwondo at the same time. It was just too much.

And I had to make a decision. And so I picked Taekwondo mostly because it's easier. Yeah. It was way easier. Right. The training for wrestling was so hard that I would be like, in school, I'd be like, my brain was like half on. Yeah.

I was just thinking, oh my God, we're going to have to run stairs tonight. Oh my God, we're going to have to do live drills. Fucking firemen carry each other up the fucking stadium stairs. There's no tougher training, man. Wrestling is brutal. But my son, he was having trouble when he was in...

I can't know preschool. He was biting kids. He was like crazy. And so the teacher said, there's this place called Marina Taekwondo in Venice. Great program for kids. So he started in preschool and he went all the way through eighth grade. He got his black belt, his junior black belt, and it changed him. Fucking changed him. He became disciplined. It calmed him down. He used to go like three or four days a week. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it sounds crazy, but I think it's a requirement for kids to do something physical and physical.

really would help if you did something scary like a martial art. It's just good for developing your brain and developing your ability to do difficult things. When he got his black belt, I don't know if they always do this, but when he got his black belt, he had to do certain, what do they call them, katas? It depends on katas, the Japanese word. Yeah, he did his katas and then he had to break some boards and then he had to do whatever. And then he had to fight two black belts.

Like at the same time. And he had to go like three rounds at the same time. They fucking sicked him on him. And Mr. Keith Jones, shout out. And it was tough. And he started crying. And Mr. Jones sat him down and he goes, you're going to get back in there. You're going to finish this. And he went in and he wiped his tears and he fucking finished. And then he got his black belt. It was badass. Yeah. How old was he? We started in kindergarten. This would have been in like, I don't know, sixth or seventh grade.

It's kind of crazy to give a kid a black belt. Yeah. Little kids. Yeah. Because it's not real. Yeah. You know, it's like different schools have different requirements and different belief systems when it comes to that. But somewhere along the line...

That's where the term McDojo comes from. Oh. Somewhere along the line, they developed these strip mall karate places. It was in a strip mall. That would... They would graduate children all the way up to black belt. And they would also... They made it real easy for you to do it where you didn't spar.

And they started doing a bunch of stuff to make it less realistic but less attrition so less people quit and so they make more money. And so like some of these schools that have hundreds and hundreds of students, they'd be making bank. And then there was like a place called Fred Valari's.

When I was living in Boston. And Fred Velary's was a karate – it was a chain. They were all over the place. But the people that came out of there, if they had to fight, they'd be – maybe some of them would be good. But it's not the best place to learn. It's a big dojo. Yeah. They taught you karate, but you got to do it in a real place. You got to do it in a fucking real place with real savages. Yeah. That's the only way you're going to get good at it. Right.

You got to get to a real scary place where there's a bunch of people and they're fucking sweating and kicking the bag. And you got to, that's where you got to go.

But I do think there is something to giving a kid a goal. Yes. Like you're going to get your blue belt. Yes. And you train for that. Yes. You're going to get your red belt. Junior black belt's not a bad thing to call it. Yeah. As long as you're calling it a junior black belt. Yeah. It's like you're not a man yet. You don't really have the ability to hurt people. You know, most people don't really have the ability to hurt people until they're like 15, 16, 17. Then you can really hurt people. And it comes quick. It goes from you being a boy, right? When you're 12 years old, you are a boy. Yeah.

When I was 15, I was fighting men. So from 12 to 15. Yeah. So when I was 15, my instructor was crazy. And he would put you in, like you were young teenagers, he would put you in tournaments, in men's tournaments, 18 and over. Wow.

Yeah, just say you're 18. They just put you right in there. Oh my god. It was terrifying terrifying So you go from not being able to hurt people to knocking grown men unconscious and it's in a short period of time It was the first time I knocked a grown man unconscious. I was 16 years old I had kicked this dude knocked him unconscious and I was like, this is crazy. Was that he was snoring? Yes, 100% Yeah, it was full contact

He was snoring. And I was like, this is nuts. And I was 16. Yeah. I was like, this is crazy. So...

That's like a real black. I was a black belt when I was 17. That's but it was a real black belt I was fighting black belts. I can hurt you. You can't really hurt anybody when you're 12 Yeah, but that's what's so nuts in five years you become a fucking machine in five years five years ago I've been here for four years. I've been living here for four years. Nothing's changed. I'm exactly the same person Yeah, but from 12 to 17, you're a different fucking human being. Yeah, and

And also when the fear of being physically hurt is driving you to push yourself to be better. Yes. That's real. Yes. Yeah. Well, it's also you don't have your responsibilities. You have nothing to do. You have hormones for the first time in your life. So you have all this fucking energy and this fucking rawr. And your whole day you can just dedicate to this crazy thing and go around kicking people.

and learning something and getting better at something where everybody else is just listening to Led Zeppelin, smoking cigarettes, and trying to figure out if they're gonna go to college. And you're out there doing something nuts. Yeah, my nephew, Rowan, he grew up in South Africa and he was like, you know, had every letter, ADHD, whatever, he had it all. And he was the number one most, he got the record at his school for the most detentions. They kept track and they like gave him an award.

And then he found rugby. When he was like 14, he started doing rugby hard. And he's a big, thick kid. And he became an animal. And it straightened him out. Right now, he's at Columbia University. He went out for the Green Berets. No, the Navy Seals. Have you seen them? He just missed it. He made it all the way to Hell Week and then got dropped from the program. That's crazy. But because he was in the Navy, they gave him a full ride to Columbia.

They pay him to go to school at Columbia on, I guess it's the GI Bill? Is that what they call it? Probably. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I think putting a kid who's got some... Because you get anger. When you have all these...

Learning disabilities, you get very angry. Oh, yeah. You know, because you're not fitting in. You're not doing as well. You're trying your hardest and you're coming up short. And you get fucking angry and you need something to focus that on. I think all kids need something to focus. Yeah. They just need something. It's too easy to just be lazy and, well, my life is terrible. Because you're not doing anything. You're not getting excited. You do stuff. Like, how many kids were depressed in the 1920s? They were only depressed if they were starving.

They were running around. I think the whole country was depressed. It was the depression. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that was the 30s, yeah. Let's go with the teens. The 30s was the depression, right? So the roaring 20s was before the depression. Everything was going pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. But they were ruthless. Yeah. What we call bullying, it was like normal life. Everybody was...

fucking horrible to each other. Well, because they were recent immigrants and they were fighting for turf. They were fighting for jobs. The Irish and the Italians were fucking fighting each other. They needed food. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't exactly sure they were going to get food. And they had 11 brothers and sisters. So they were fighting at home before they even left the house. Yeah, and good luck getting something that has a vitamin in the winter. Everybody's malnourished. Yeah.

They were horribly malnourished. If you lived in the city in the 1920s and it was fucking 30 below zero out, there's nothing coming in or out. You ain't getting no tomatoes. Like, where are those coming from? You gonna get a horse to drag those from New Jersey? Like, what are you talking about? Yeah. There's no food here. Cabbage. That was your only vegetable. You got canned food. You ate canned food for six months. Yeah.

Back before shipping, just think how nuts it must have been to live in a city before there were any trucks. Yeah. You had the Iceman. Every couple days, an Iceman would come to your house and put it in your box. That's what the Ice House in Pasadena was. Oh, no shit. Yes. Wow. Before the Ice House was a rock and roll, I think it was briefly a rock and roll club, then it became a comedy club. It is the oldest running comedy club in the country. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, the Ice House is the oldest.

And the ice house, before it was any of those things, was a place that would store giant blocks of ice. So you'd go and get a chunk of ice. They would take some ice from fucking Greenland or some shit. They weren't even making it. How did they even keep that thing cold? And they got it to America, the chunks of ice, and they would get it to the cities. You'd get it in July. They'd get you a chunk of ice. How? How?

The Iceman coming. How much loss did they have in ice? Like, how big does ice have to be when you start? And how heavy is that shit to ship it over? Oh, my God. If you got a truck filled with ice, okay, like, what year did they start bringing ice around? Let's find that out. Yeah. Like, what year did that become a thing? Because you know it wasn't a thing. Like, during the Pioneer's days, there wasn't an ice truck that would show up. There's no way to get the fucking ice around.

You know, when those people were trying to make their way across the country, no ice. I'm going to guess 1890. I think it's got to be after trucks. I think it has to be because you got to get it around. You can't just put it on a train. When did trucks start?

1920. I'm watching Peaky Blinders. And as the years go on, their cars get better. Yeah. It's interesting, you know, because it's kind of historically accurate in terms of the cars they were driving at the time. It's really interesting because in the beginning, they just like a bikini top over this shit box, little fucking little rattle machine. And at the end, they have like Bentleys. Yeah. And they close the door and it's luxurious inside. Yeah. You know, but.

I would say trucking, probably early 1900s. What do we got? I want to say like 1910. So what year was the first ICE delivery?

In which country? In America. When did they start delivering ice? Well, Scandinavia. They just fucking walked outside. I think they brought the practice over from England because it says it started in England in the 1600s. Right, right. But I'm saying when were they able to do it in America? Because, you know, even if they do it in England in the 1600s, you probably get a fucking cart dragged by horses from the mountain. Like, how far away is their ice? It sounds like they grabbed it from lakes here.

In America? Yeah. Since it was a major part of the early economy in New England and the United States, we saw fortunes made by people who transported ice and straw pack ships to the southern states and throughout the Caribbean. Oh, so they only did it in the winter? I guess, yeah. You just get it from Canada. Well, now how long do you keep ice? If you have like a Yeti cooler...

You can keep ice for about seven days. Yeah. In the summer. It's pretty amazing. Somebody should write a book about the history of ice. Because those big, thick-ass coolers, like a Yeti cooler that you would take camping, you can get... Those are amazing. Yeah, I got one of those. You can keep ice for seven, eight, nine days, which is nuts. And if you...

If you take a Yeti and you take like a milk jug filled with water and freeze that and put a bunch of them in there, it'll stay cold forever. It'll stay cold for so long. They've got a large block of ice like that. This is from the 70s, but this just says like ice extraction. Oh, this might not be them selling ice. This looks like...

These guys are going to die. Yeah. They got axes on the edge of the water. That does not seem that thick. Take your ice and you put it in an ice box. Ice box used in cafes of Paris in the late 1800s. Wow. Box to store ice. So how did they get the ice to them?

Look at that. First recorded use of refrigeration technology dates back to 1775 B.C. in the Sumerian city of Turquoise. That's why I asked which country, because this goes back further than England. It goes all the way back to, yeah, 17... Same time. I was off by 4,000 years. Well, this is the same story, because that's cuneiform. That's exactly the same story. It's Mesopotamia, the same country. Ice pits. Ice pits from the 7th century B.C.E.,

Wow. Alexander the Great stored snow in pits that they dug for that purpose. Wow. Imported it from the mountains. Straw-covered pits. So they recognized that they could kind of insulate it. And you'd sell it at a snow shop. Wow. Ice that formed the bottom of the pit sold at a higher price than the snow on top. Oh, yeah. More expensive for ice. Because it didn't have piss in it. That's the delineating factor. How many guys pissed in that pit? Yeah.

At least one. Yeah. The French are serving up some chocolate ice cream. Did you mean this to be chocolate? At least one guy pissed in there. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. There's not a chance in hell nobody pissed in there. Right. Not a chance in hell. Do you eat snow? Like when you go out hunting in the- You can eat snow.

I mean, you're going to have a certain amount of pollution depending on where you are. You're eating what's in the air. It's amazing how bad it gets in New York in the winter, how fast. That shit falls and an hour later it's gray. Well, in New York you have a lot of things going on. And one of the things that people don't take into consideration is brake dust. You have a lot of brake dust. So you have all these cars that are constantly doing stop and go traffic. So the brake dust in the air, it's pretty significant. Yeah.

That shit that you get in the inside of your wheels, your car wheels, and you have to clean off, that black stuff, that's brake dust. So that's spraying out from every car in the 405. So when you're riding your bike, I'm being healthy. You're literally breathing in brake dust, you fucking psychopath. You're just...

No filter, taking it right in the face. This looks like, is that Central Park or something close to it? It says it was the first one in the United States, the first ice pit. Ice pit. When was that? 13 feet in diameter and 18 feet deep. Many tines of ice were cut from a nearby river in the winter, transported by wagon to the ice house, deposited into the ice pits. The blocks of ice fused into one giant mass.

Gravel at the bottom of the pit drained water from the melting and the thick stone walls and straw insulation minimized heat loss from the ice house above. Morris claimed he was able to preserve ice from one winter to the following October or November. Wow. That's crazy. So utilizing the 54 degree constant temperature underground, people have been storing ice in caves and pits since at least the Roman times.

That's pretty dope. Oh, look at this. It relied on a natural phenomenon, but also an overwhelming massive ice, good drainage, and the super insulation of the building above the ice pit to provide refrigeration through hot Philadelphia summers. Pretty fucking dope.

16 feet deep and they would just store ice and that's how you get your ice for nine months. That's pretty amazing Yeah, people are pretty goddamn ingenious Mm-hmm, you know human beings ingenuity to figure things out How do we keep this fucking ice when it gets hot as shit out? Imagine if we can keep the ice what do we got to do? Yeah, how about dig a hole? How cold is it down there seems colder down there? And just experimenting how long you can keep ice. Oh

You're putting massive blocks of it from the river and stacking it, and then you're going to sell it. All right. And all these experiments. People are dying. Well, that didn't work. Everybody died. A nice whiskey with a couple of ice cubes in the middle of July. That's worth it. You know, with your friends at the country club. Clink. You know how they get this? I got a guy. Maybe that's why they call it on the rocks, because it's surrounded by rocks in the pit. No. I think it's ice cubes are like rocks, right?

Well, there's a lot of schools of thought on this.

Isn't it funny when you go to some restaurants, they give you a hot rock you cook yourself on? What? Like, ooh, exciting. You never done that? No. No? A hot rock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll give you like a – it'll literally be a hot rock that you can't touch. And then you have little strips of steak and you lay them on the rock. Oh, like a Korean barbecue place. Like Wagyu. They'll do it at sushi places. Yeah. Where they give you a hot rock and you put your little strips of – I love it.

of beef on there and you flip it over. Yeah. Isn't it exciting that you're cooking for yourself? Yeah. And yet it's super expensive. I know. And then they make you clear your own plate and go in the fucking kitchen and wash it. No, they don't. No. You made that part up. But it is funny that it's exotic to cook your own food. Like, can't you do that? Yeah, right, right. Isn't this what I'm here for? Yeah.

Why am I cooking? I remember there was a Seinfeld episode where Kramer was pitching a pizza place where you make your own pizza. And he had a friend invest, and the guy had a restaurant. He went out of business.

Korean barbecue is fun though. Yeah, I like Korean barbecue. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, but you know what you're getting into when you get there It's not one dish that you have to cook for yourself. Yeah whole experience. That's fine Yeah, I know what I'm getting into but if I go to a restaurant you give me a hot rock and like here's your meat That's the hot rock cook it on the rocker. What the fuck are we doing? Hey, but people love it like you I'm kicking myself Flip it now. Yeah, sorry, when do I flip it? Yeah

And then you got to go to the salad bar. I got to walk to get my salad. Well, that's Brazilian steakhouses. That's the sneaky move they have is all you can eat. Everything's all you can eat, but the salad bar is too. So before you eat, you go to the salad bar and you're eating fucking artichoke hearts and cheese and this. And then they come by with as much meat as you possibly can eat.

And then you have a card. You flip it. If it's green on top, they keep coming by with different meat. And when it's red, you tap out. I remember that. We went to one of those places in Vegas. Was it Fogo de Chao? Fogo de Chao. Yeah. That was awesome. Those places are the best. Yeah. Because you just start eating. You don't have to wait for the food. The worst is when you're really hungry and you're in a slow restaurant. You're like, oh, my God, this is killing me. Yeah. But if you go to a place like Fogo de Chao, that food's coming right at you. You could be stuffed in 10 minutes. All different cuts. Yeah.

Yeah, that's when you got to take a little walk. Yeah. I've never seen anybody go harder than Ari at Fogo de Chao. It is insane how much he eats there. Yeah. Insane. And I go, why? He goes, it's a Jewish thing, free food. I go, are you serious? He goes, yeah, it's all I can eat. I can just keep eating. I go, are you kidding? He's like, no, I'm not kidding. I can keep eating. It doesn't cost any more money. Yeah.

That's awesome. He's so funny with it. But he's shameless. Yeah. Shameless. What are the clam chops? Yeah. Bring them over. Yeah. I thought I could keep up with him. I could not keep up with him. I was in South Africa one time, and we were at a game park called Pilanesburg or something. And they had a restaurant next to the game park, and you would go there. And I remember it was called Carnivore. And you go in, and they come over with skewers, but it was like –

You want some giraffe. You want some hippo. You want some buck. Everything. I tried everything. What was giraffe? Giraffe is...

Giraffe's a tough one because they seem to not want to fuck with anybody. They're cool. Your baby could feed them at the zoo. It's the only animal at the zoo. It's a giant fucking animal. It's 50 feet tall. And your two-year-old baby can give it lettuce. And the little tongue comes out, wraps around, and takes the lettuce. And no one's worried about the giraffe doing anything harmful to people. That's a weird one to eat. If I could avoid eating a giraffe, I would like to. Yeah. And...

How are they not dead? I mean, how do they protect themselves? Well, they stomp things, first of all, because they're like a wild horse. It's like a giant antelope thing. What species is a giraffe? Technically, what is it? Is it an antelope? What is it? You know, like a moose is in the deer family. Do you know that? Oh, okay. A moose is the largest of the deer family. It's like elk is in the deer family.

Giraffe is a large African hoofed mammal belonging to the giraffa, genus giraffa, the tallest living terrestrial animal and the largest ruminant on Earth. Traditionally, giraffes have been thought of as one species. Giraffa cameloperalis. Camel. So is a camel related to? It is, right? That's what I remember. I think it is related. Okay.

Is a camel related? Just put in, is a camel related to a giraffe? What do you think? I think they probably are. Yeah. Okay. Giraffa cameloparalis. No. Camelopardalis. Camelopardalis. Oh, fuck that last word. How?

How's that one go? Tipples. Giraffes get part of their Latin name, Camelopardalis, from the long camel-like necks and leopard-like spots, but they are more closely related to okapis rather than camels or leopards. So they're not related to camels? Oh, look at that fucking thing. We've seen those before. It looks like a zebra. Fucked.

deer or something doesn't it like it's like with the bottom half is one animal and the top half is another animal beautiful though I don't know how do you mix with a giraffe because how do you fuck it well you're another giraffe yeah yeah that's why they don't mix do the fucking yeah I don't think anybody fucks the giraffe the giraffe has to do the fucking just decide yeah I'm gonna get down there that's right

You know, trees, like the acacia tree, when giraffes eat them, all the trees that are downwind recognize that a tree upwind is being eaten by giraffes, and so it changes its flavor profile. It starts releasing these phytochemicals that makes it taste like shit. No shit. I guess an antelope is the closest living relative to a giraffe. Okay, so it is an antelope species. The weirdest antelope is the one that we have in America. Yeah.

Because we have a Jurassic animal in America, the pronghorn antelope. It's not like any animal in North America. It's literally an animal that was a part of the giant group of animals that lived in North America like 65,000 years ago. But it's one of the rare ones that's still here because it evolved to get away from a North American cheetah.

Yeah. So it runs way faster than anything. Nothing can catch those things. You ever seen them? No. Pronghorns? They're cool as shit looking. But when you see them when you... That's not a good picture, though. You want a picture of the males. Just pull up pronghorn antelope. The males have these crazy horns and these eyes that can see probably...

almost to the entire back of like behind their ears. They have a crazy range of vision. It's like a deer size. I've seen them in the wild. They're really cool looking. I've seen them in Utah. Really cool looking. But when you see them run...

you realize like, oh, this is not from around here. They run so much faster than anything else. So like mountain lions, coyotes, good luck, bitch. You're not catching that guy. That guy's fucking insanely fast. See if you can find a video of one running. So it says born to race cheetahs.

So there was like 65% of North American megafauna was killed off somewhere around 10,000 years ago. And these motherfuckers made it.

But they're a part of that old group that included, like, the North American lion, North American cheetahs. There was a bunch of crazy shit that was here just, you know, 15,000 years ago. Yeah, right. Crazy shit, dude. There was a lion that lived here that's bigger than the African lion. Like, the biggest lion ever was in North America. Oh, shit. Yeah, we had a crazy big lion here. Wow.

That's pretty wild. But it makes sense, though, right? If you think about all the buffalo, there'd probably be a cat big enough to kill that thing. Yeah. Some giant-ass lion. All right. Way bigger than the African lions. Yeah. I just saw a video on the internet of sloths having sex. How was it? Well, it was as exciting as you would think. It was like, first of all, the mating call, the female was a mile away, and it was like this little...

Like this little noise. And he just perks up. He goes racing down the tree, which takes like a day. And then he has to go through these like croc infested waters. And he just keeps hearing the noise. He keeps going. And he gets the other side and he climbs up the tree. There's another male. They like go to battle. There's like a sloth battle with their three little claws. Whoa. And then the guy gets to the top.

And the female's there, and he gets on top of her, and it's just like one stroke, doot, goosh, done. That was the whole thing. Wow. Like, think about how horny those fuckers are. Like, the average married couple, like, what does it take to get laid? You just got to listen to your wife for a little while. You know, have your day, and just listen, and you're in. And even then, men are like, that's just, it's a lot to ask. But just imagine...

having this strange urge to go where that sound is and not having any reference. Like the first time it happens to you, right? Say you're a sloth, you're two, you get your first hard-on, like, this is crazy. And then you hear...

Yeah. Why do I need to go towards that sound? Like, you don't even know what you're doing. You have no idea why you're going there. Yeah. Right? If the sloth has never been laid before, it has no idea. Yeah. Why am I being drawn to this sound? Why is this smell? It's all just instincts. Mm-hmm. And it's... That's the noise? Yeah. He's like, I'm getting some... Is that all the sloth? Or was that one sound the sloth?

Oh, there it is. Oh, that's pretty loud. Yeah, you hear that. That's the bat signal for Dick. Yeah. And then, but the amazing thing is like, when you think about that, what drives animals, us being animals, to do the things we do? I was thinking about this when I watched this law thing. Like-

All the things that gratify us, that nature has taught us to procreate in order to, you know, whether it's eat, your stomach hurts and the joy of the taste of food. All these things that are built into us as animals that keep us procreating. The fucking. Even like...

Like you got an itch and you take your nails and you scratch it. Well, there was probably a reason because there used to be bugs embedded in your skin or dry skin or like everything that we do is somehow built into rewards and punishments that are unconscious to us. Yeah. You know, and are they going to be able to – can you program that into people eventually? Yeah, 100%. To alter behavior. Yeah.

Not just that, to eliminate all the things that make us human, unfortunately. Like, you want the good with the bad? Yeah.

What do you want? Because the only way to have the good is you've got to appreciate that it's good. And how do you appreciate it? Because you've experienced bad. If you only get good, you get a spoiled rich kid and they're a nightmare. Or you get Joffrey, the king. That's what you get. Yeah. Right? Yeah. No adversity, all the power in the world, terrible for everybody. So it's like you've got to have some down. Yeah.

It's like it's a part of the program. It's part of the program of becoming a better person. Like you have experience, good. And I think even in the world, unfortunately, we have to see evil to recognize that people are capable of evil to really understand what kind of game are we playing here, especially when it comes to like international conflicts, especially ones that don't have any.

day-to-day effect on your life here in America, whether you support them or you don't support them. Like, it's not affecting you, right? But it's somewhere. If you were there, if you were in Yemen and you watched those fucking drones launch hellfire missiles into this wedding party, like, you would recognize, like...

There's a lot going on that's evil. There's good and there's evil and it's real. And there's this weird battle going on with human beings. And I think that battle almost has to take place to motivate people to be better. You think that's where there's war, cyclical war? Yeah.

There's no reason why it should exist today. There's no reason why, as educated as we are in history, that we should be willing as a people, as groups of people, to ever invade other places to steal their resources. There's no way we should be doing that.

At this point, with the kind of communication that human beings have with each other around the world, there should be a way to reasonably communicate and share goods and ideas and compete and take part in each other's commerce. I sell to you. You sell to me. Everybody gets along. This should be totally doable in 2024. Yeah.

The fact that it's not and that no one thinks it's ever going to be is what's terrifying about being a person. Because that's the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing like if one of these fucking assholes, one of these greedy cocksuckers that's under the boot of the military industrial complex decides to push it a little too far and someone decides to shoot a nuke off. And then we're in this new thing where cities could just disappear. Yeah.

You know, it's not just a September 11th where two buildings disappear and a bunch of people died and it's a horrible tragedy. No, no, no. The whole city gone. Boom. One city down. Now, shut the fuck up or we'll bomb all your cities. Now your power doesn't work anymore. Oh, no. Where do you get your ice? Well, you better go back to the old ways and get a fucking ice pit because you don't have electricity anymore.

That's not hard to do. Like someone could take out our electrical grid pretty fucking easy. And these assholes that are in charge of the world in all countries that are still playing this fucking game of,

of maybe we'll kill you all. Yeah, it's like a big game of chicken. And there's no... Like, when we were kids, I don't know if this happened in your school, but, like, we had drills. We had nuclear war drills. Like, it was a day-to-day existential worry that people didn't sleep because of nukes. Those same fucking nukes are tenfold today in terms of the arsenals. And way more people have them. Way more countries have them. And there's way more... When you look at what's going on in the Middle East, like, that is a fucking...

That is going to explode at some point, and it's going to happen fast because there's all these alliances where if one country does it, eight others are going to do it the same day. Peter Thiel was talking about that, that it's the ultimate dilemma when it comes to nuclear power because nuclear power is more efficient than other power, and it's actually greener. It's probably safer for the environment, especially with the kind of nuclear reactors that are capable of building and designing today.

But they didn't realize that if you give someone nuclear power, it's really easy to turn that into nuclear weapons. They thought it was a lot harder than it was, and they did it for India. And he was saying then they realized, like, India got the nuclear weapon. That's like a...

Okay. So now we can't just give everybody nuclear power because then you have everybody has nuclear weapons. And what if it's some fucking warlord who's on amphetamines in the middle of the Congo and he decides he's going to nuke his neighbor? Yeah. People can get crazy. Yeah. Especially if they have a lot of money. They're selling drugs or they're kidnapping people. Whatever they're doing, they got a lot of money and now they have a nuclear weapon.

North Korea, man. Once North Korea has it, it's a fucking... They have it. Do they? Yes. North Korea has nukes. No shit. Oh, they don't have the long-range delivery systems yet. They say they do now. Yeah. Who knows? But there was a famous nuclear bomb that went off that they kind of denied in North Korea a while back.

What was that? They think it might have been an accident. It's hard to tell, you know, because North Korea is pretty tight with their propaganda. But I remember there was some nuclear detonation was detected in the mountains and they were trying to figure out if it was on purpose or if it was an underground thing. Because they do underground nukes too, which is...

Crazy. Yeah. Just may trigger an earthquake, but let's find out. Yeah. Let's just detonate a nuke a mile under the surface of the earth. Fucking psychopaths. Well, we did it in Oklahoma in, I guess it was like maybe the 50s or 60s. Oh, yeah. And they didn't tell people to leave the neighboring towns. And there's all these people. The cancer rates were through the roof. Here it says...

Okay.

In 2013, the CTBTO detected a 4.9 magnitude seismic event, which is about twice as large as the 2006 test. So they just keep making them more powerful. Well, what magnitude was like Hiroshima?

Oh, look at this one. In 2024, South Korea's weather agency estimated that a nuclear weapon blast yield was between 50 and 60 kilotons based on a magnitude 5.6 detection. The South Korea's government initial estimate was 100 kilotons, and the NORSAR Seismology Center estimate was 120 kilotons. It's so crazy that a nut, a crazy person, just some fucking maniac...

dictator has that. Like you can take, oh, you fuck my cousin? Guess what? I'm gonna nuke your town. Or they want a legacy. Hiroshima's only about 15 kilotons. So four times the size. Nagasaki was 25. Holy shit. Isn't it funny that Hiroshima gets all the credit, but meanwhile they got the bitch-ass bomb? That's right. One was an atomic and one was a hydrogen, right? I don't know. Is that the truth? I think so. The little boy...

Is that the big one? Is that the one that was on Hiroshima? So little boy was Hiroshima and fat man was Nagasaki. Wow. Imagine you get your fucking, your instructions. You're a fighter pilot and that's what they tell you. Yeah. That's what you're going to do today. Right. What are we doing? You're going to be the guy. What do you mean? You're going to be the guy that drops the bomb. Yeah. What bomb? We have a nuclear bomb. Yeah.

What does that mean? Like, what does this thing do? Well, you're going to drop it and then you got to get the fuck out of there. Right, right. Because the explosion. And don't look back because it'll rip your eyeballs out. Explosion. That might be my tea mug that you just grabbed. Oh, is it? I think so. I just poured coffee in it. I'm sorry. No, I'm done with it. I thought it was my coffee. I'm on to coffee now.

There's too many mugs. I got confused. I was not seeing my mug because the microphone was like perfectly shielding it. I was like, oh, that must be my mug. There's a great series on Netflix right now about the Cold War. It's like three episodes. But it goes through, you know, just the espionage that went behind it all and, you know, how the nuclear codes got to Russia because was it the couple, the Rosenbergs?

And there was a few people that basically got the information to Russia. And then once that happened, like everything fucking changed. Like after World War II, basically in World War II, we bombed Japan, not because they weren't going to surrender. There was like, this is what this documentary talks about, that there was an end in sight, that they were crawling. They were on their knees. But Russia had sent forces into Japan as a,

As our allies to help, you know, finish the finish the war. We didn't want them getting any of the credit. So we bombed before while Japan was on route. While Russia was on route, we bombed Japan. So once we did that, Russia was like, oh, it's on. Fuck them. We need we need. And they basically just they realigned their whole military, their whole budget. Everything was about getting nukes after that happened.

Those bombs didn't need to be dropped. That's so crazy. Yeah. How complicated is that, too? Because if they don't drop those bombs, we know the bombs exist and no one's dropped them. Do you think it would have been worse if the world didn't see the horrors? You're probably right. Because as they keep getting better and no one's dropped one on anybody yet, and they're talking shit, I'll fucking do it, man. I'll be the first guy. I'll be the first. You know, if Hitler had a nuke, you don't think he would have launched it? Right. 100%. 100%.

He's cranked up on all kinds of fucking drugs. They were shooting animal hormones into him. They were experimenting on him. Oh, that's right. I heard about that. Yeah. This book, Norman Oler. Norman Oler. I've sold your book so many times.

It's a crazy story. He was in here explaining it all. Hitler had this one doctor that he trusted. He didn't trust the SS doctor because there was a lot of people wanting to get rid of Hitler. There was a lot of attempts on his life. And this motherfucker had one doctor that was giving him all the goods. Yeah. And he was just...

out of his mind. Fuck. If you gave that guy a nuke at that time, 100% he's nuking somebody. Of course. 100%. What wouldn't he do? Like, what was he not capable of? Exactly. Exactly. And I think the same thing is true of Kim Jong-un right now. I don't think he, I don't, I don't. He was friends with Trump.

Trump went over, shook his hand. They're pals. Yeah. Seems like you just need a friend. He's friends with Dennis Rodman. Maybe Dennis Rodman can be the official envoy. Maybe if Trump wins, Dennis Rodman becomes the official envoy and we fucking settle things out. Imagine that. Imagine if that was how it all worked out. Yeah. Smooth things over. Yeah. Give the people electricity.

Dude, it's so mysterious when you hear about people that escaped from North Korea and they talk about how you literally it's the thought police you say Jamie something So funny that we're talking about this I said Jamie something this morning that I saw where this guy has one of those crazy satellite dishes in his backyard and he picks up a channel from North Korea, so it's a guy in Ontario and Did I sent a text message? That's not what you sent me. So the wrong link got copied. No way. You said it's like the football

Steps. No, I sent you something before that. No, I didn't. Oh my God. I didn't. You moron. What did I do? Did I save it? God, I thought I sent it to you. I must've accidentally sent somebody else. North Korean guy picks up salad. Yes. It's a Ontario man picks up North Korean television. Fuck. I thought I sent it to you. Fuck.

But he'll find it because it's becoming viral now because it's really nuts. You get to see the propaganda. So this guy just tunes in to this broadcast of North Korea because he's got one of them. Remember when people had those – this is the guy. They had those crazy dishes like that thing in their backyard. Yeah. I remember a guy had that. I thought that guy was a wizard. I'm like, look at him. He's getting TV from Ireland. Yeah.

He's watching snooker on the BBC So this is this dude tunes into the North Korean broadcast like whatever it is with it that they broadcast through North Korea and it's all propaganda and Kim jong-un is like literally people fall down like he's the Beatles like when he shows up he shot a round of golf he shot a 27 holes Look how people freak out. Yeah

Yeah, he shot like nine holes in one, right? Yeah. But also, if you don't react like that, the police see you. Oh, yeah. And they put you in a fucking gulag and they... Yeah. For like five years. Yeah, you're fucked. You better cheer.

Yeah, the power that he has is just absolute. And then if they find out that, you know, you have a relative overseas that's bad-mouthing North Korea, your family gets put into a fucking camp. Yeah, yeah. And not only that, it's a generation after generation thing. Like the children, if you have children in the camp, they're punished as well. Yeah. Yeah.

It's terrible. Shit. Yeah. It's so mysterious, too. But he likes basketball. He does? Maybe Dennis Rodman can choose it all over. Dennis Rodman, yeah. If I had to pick one eloquent NBA star, it would be Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman. Send him over there with a bowling bag filled with mushrooms. Uh-huh. And just those two get together. Yeah. Meet God. Just like he'd fix this thing. He'd fix it. He'd take that nuke like it was a fucking three-point shot. He'd just reach up, stop it.

Well, what he's got to do before anything in that country is let those people be free. Like that is literally like a cult. It's like a cult. Like the power that that one guy has and that government has over their people. Have you ever seen Yeonmi Park talk about her experiences in North Korea? No. Was she on here? Yes. Oh, yeah. I did see that. She escaped North Korea when she was 13. Yeah, that was crazy. It's crazy.

It's crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. Dude, and it's going into China. Like there's, China uses, I don't want to say which supermarket chain because I don't want to malign somebody, but one of the major supermarket chains, they have meat processing plants where they bring, China brings in North Korean slaves. They are kept in barracks with barbed wire fences and they work for 12, 14 hours a day, seven days a week.

And they get they get paid like a hundred bucks a month. And then they come back to China. They come back to North Korea after like four or five years and their families get this little fucking tidbit of money. But they don't have a choice because North Korea picks what they think are the best examples of what North Korea is because they want to look good to China. And they send those people over and they're held. They're worked as slaves for years.

And the American companies are buying food from these plants in China. Jesus Christ. Yeah, there's an article in The New Yorker about it. Well, if we're buying things, I mean, that's one of the weirdest parts about manufacturing going away in America because so many of the things...

That we buy are from mysterious places. Like, when people found out about what was going on at the Foxconn factories that were making iPhones, that they had fences and nets all set up around the roof to keep people from jumping off, because so many people... Suicide nets? Oh, yeah. You never seen it? No. Show those images. It's bananas. So instead of fixing it, they said, you know, let's just make it harder to die. Uh-huh. Like, these people, they just...

They don't want to work here? Does the net, do you bounce off the net back into the factory? Look at those nets. That's to stop suicide. That's how to stop suicide. That's how many people are trying to kill themselves. Because you're working 16 hours a day, you sleep there, they have dormitories. Yeah. And this is why your phone costs X instead of Y. And if we had...

American factories making all these things, you wouldn't have that consideration. You would know, oh, they have to abide by regulations and everybody has to be over-surveying. Well, and this doesn't even factor in the African mines where they're pulling up the— What's the metal they need? The cobalt mines where they send people into these mines that are like a mile deep—

And you maybe make it back up. Maybe you don't. The elevators sometimes stop working. You go down there for like two or three days at a time in the blackness. Yeah. Have you ever seen the video of the Chinese mine collapsing? No. See if you can find that. There's been a few, but there's one really good video of this collapse of this mine. It's fantastic.

Yeah. It's terrifying, dude. Because basically they're – they dug into the whole side of this hill and then it just falls on them. Wow. This massive amount of dirt and land and the smoke and the dust. You're like, oh, my God, how many people are dead, just crushed to death so that you can have an iPhone? Watch this. Look at this. Holy shit, dude. Where is this mine, Jamie? What did it say in the beginning? Mongolia. Mongolia.

Fuck, dude. Fuck. Mines are terrifying. Yeah. You know, you hear noises like... And you're like, get the fuck out of here. Go. Let's get out of here. That was the Irish. We all came over and went into the mines. Well, all the people in Kentucky, right? In the Appalachias. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know why they say those people in Appalachia are more violent? Why? Because they come from herding populations.

I think it was in, was it in Sapiens or whose book was that in? Maybe one of Malcolm Gladwell's books. But it's basically they're saying that the reason why there's more like when they used to have feuds, you know, like the Hatfields and the McCoys, that type of thing. And they would kill those people. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was Sapiens. Yeah. So the idea is that these people who are farmers, well, it's very difficult to steal all your corn. You know, you can't steal all your corn. But you could steal someone's sheep, all their sheep. Yeah.

And so if you're a herder, you have to be on guard constantly of thieves who come in and take all your animals all at once. You have to be super violent to protect your flock. And those guys came over here with that sort of attitude. Huh. Yeah. That's funny because you think of like...

The shepherd is this kind of archetypal figure of this guy who's just kind of laying back with a piece of hayseed in his mouth, chilling out. But now they're warriors. You have to be. Yeah. Because you'll lose all your food. Yeah. Like if your family relies on those sheep, you have 20 sheep and you got to follow them and graze with them. You have to bed down with them. Yeah. If someone comes along and tries to...

That's why cattle rustlers, they would kill them. They would kill horse rustlers. People stole horses and cows. In the Old West, it was one of the worst things you could do. You steal a man's horse, they'll fucking kill you. You steal a car today, you get a slap on the wrist. There's guys out there that have stole 14, 15 cars. Nobody gives a shit. Yeah. You know?

There's this comic. I did Kill Tony last night. This comic came up and he said he's got a Kia and it's been stolen four times this year. I guess Kia has some kind of a defect and you can read about it online, but it's like super easy, like old school hot wiring. You can just grab a Kia. Yeah, I've heard about this. They get stolen a lot. Kia thefts. It's a big deal. I mean, the only downside is once you do it, you've got a Kia. Yeah.

Right. That's the payoff. It's mostly kids, though. Mostly kids doing it? Yeah. For joyrides? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can do it in like 10 seconds. Uh-huh. It's happened all over the country. It's been happening for a few years now. So they take it, go on a joyride, beat the shit out of it? Yeah, they're just driving crazy. Oh, there's nothing more joyful than driving a Kia. Well, I mean, if you don't have a car and you're just trying to have fun, beat the fuck out of this Kia. They're not paying for it. Yeah. That's kind of hilarious. They could just steal Kias. I know. But there's junk.

But they're cheap and they don't break that much. If you just need something to get around, it just sucks that they could steal them so easy. So you're not going to congratulate me?

Bought the Mustang. Oh, that's right. I sent you a picture. That's right. I finally did it. I've been talking to you about it for 15 years. I wanted a Mustang. And I always had kids and college. I get fucking worried about money. I always spent my money on trips. Our family travels a lot. Cars were never a big thing. But yet there was always a teenager that fucking wanted a Mustang. And then finally I just fucking did it. Which one did you get? It's just a Mustang.

Which, what model? The EcoBoost. The EcoBoost, you got the six-cylinder engine? I don't know what it is. How is it? It's fun as shit. Yeah? I took it up into the Malibu Hills or Santa Monica Mountains the other day with my wife.

And you've got those little like serpentining roads and fucking it handles unbelievable. And it's so low to the ground. You turn and you just feel like you're turning with the car. Yeah, you're not used to a car like that. No, no. I was driving a Prius and a Subaru. It was awful. Now I feel alive for the first time. I knew you were going to ask me if it was a fucking GT or something. Yeah, if you're going to get a Mustang, you got to get a V8.

That's a great for Simmons move. Get that eco boost. Baby steps. Baby steps. So now you're hooked? I'm in. Now you're in. Well, now I got a little more money too. Yeah. My kids are out. Yeah, you're fine. Yeah. Spending money now. Spending like a million. It's been a good couple years, but like-

It's all going back. I put a lot of it into this special that I shot at your club, by the way, at the mothership. I heard it's great. It's out today. Oh, did you? Yeah, I heard it's great. Oh, that's nice to hear. The guys who saw it when you filmed it, the scene you killed. Yeah, it was fun. It was, you know, because I was going to do it before the pandemic happened, and then that stalled it out. And then I came back. I shot it at one place.

It meant too much to me to put out a bad version of it, so I edited it for three months and then I just fucking scrapped it entirely. And then when I did, there we go. And then the great Adam Eget said, hey, we'd love to have you. Joe, we'd love to have you do a special here. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me?

And I came in and I didn't have to do shit. I didn't have to like build a backdrop because Brian Simpson, I think, is the only guy that's put a special out from this place. So like that backdrop is beautiful and people haven't seen it much. Yeah. So-

I don't think it matters anyway. Like, how many fucking times have you seen people do stand up from the cellar and you see the brick wall? Yeah. You don't go, oh, that brick wall. I can't even enjoy these jokes. Right, right. Yeah, but at the same time, like, I wanted it to be special. It's been a long time since I put a special out. And this material is like, again, I've been working on it for like eight years. Hmm.

So I wanted it to really pop. And so I bought in 800-pound gorilla. They shoot a lot of the specials. And I spent some money, and I did it right. And I'm fucking psyched about it. Nice. And is it going to be on YouTube? It's on YouTube right now. It comes out today. YouTube is the move, man. Yeah. It's such a good move for getting your stuff out there.

You know, you can get millions of views and everybody can get it. You can get it on your phone. You could share it. That's the thing I love about YouTube is like someone can send it to me, like a link to your thing. I just watch it right away. Right. Which is nuts. Yeah. There's no other platform like that. And it's also you can I love that I can see the comments. You know, I mean, if you put it on Netflix or Comedy Central, I guess there's going to be some conversation on certain places. But YouTube, it's right fucking there.

And you can see how many people are watching it. And, you know, I just don't want my wife and kids to watch the last 10 minutes. That's where I start giving it to the old lady a little bit.

Yeah, tell them to steer clear. Yeah, they don't need to see that. They don't need to see your act. Come on. Stay away from that. That's my business. Yeah. That's for the rest of the world. Yeah. You can see the trips I take you on. That's all you need to care about. Dad's Mustang. That's all you're concerned about. Yeah, now that you're hooked, I'm going to get you into something more crazy. Oh, yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next one. We're going to step you up a little bit. No shit. Yeah.

Yeah, you need to feel like, boom. You need to feel some real excitement. Feel the rumble of the balls. Yeah, real rumble. You need to hear a V8. You need to roll the windows down and rev it in a parking structure. What was that Mustang you drove into the comedy store one night? You had like a 68 Fastback, was it? No. No. That was probably my Corvette. No, you had a Mustang.

No, I definitely didn't. Oh, no, no, no. I had a more modern Mustang. Oh, maybe that's what it was. I had a Shelby GT500. It was like a 2012 convertible. It was great. It was very rumbly. Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. That car was ridiculous. Any gas at all, when you're making a turn, the ass hand kicks out. Any gas at all. It was so overpowered. Yeah.

Didn't have the fattest tires in the world, but god damn it was fun. That was the first one of those cars that I had ever gotten, whereas a modern muscle car... I had had muscle cars before, like the old school ones, but the modern ones are even more fun to drive. Because you can actually drive them. They actually have good brakes. They actually have good suspension. They're designed well. If you get a modern... Mustang has a thing called the Dark Horse. Yeah.

So the Dark Horse is their top-end car that you can get with a manual transmission. It's fucking great. It's like 500 horsepower. It handles really well. See if you can find Mustang Dark Horse.

That's the top of the line before they get into the GT500, which is only automatic. So I think the Dark Horse is the last one that you can get that's got a standard transmission. Right, right. I need that. Yeah. If you have a muscle car, I need that fucking one.

I need that. That's it. That is a sick car, man. That's a sick car. I just love that they're still making cars like this. They're just full-on muscle cars, but with performance suspensions and great brakes now. Look at that fucking exhaust. I know, because that was the rap on old Mustangs is they were fast, but you went into a corner and you got slammed against the side of the car. Look at that thing. Nasty.

Those are fun. I don't know what it is about Mustangs. It's just the American car to me. Yeah. Well, they're fucking incredible, man. And they've been around forever. I have a 68. I have a 68. Like one that looks like Steve McQueen's one from Bullet. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's the one, the 68. The great. It's an American car, like a truly American car. Is it all new guts? Oh, yeah, it's all new. It's for this company Revology makes them. They take it from the ground up. It's basically a 2023 1968 Mustang. Yeah. I mean, even the doors close really well, push buttons start. You feel like you're driving a new car. Yeah. But it sounds right. It feels right. It's like...

Like, it's exciting. Yeah. I know my wife wanted me to get a Tesla, and I was like, I want to feel it. I want to feel that fucking rumble. Tesla's actually faster, though, isn't it? Way faster. My Tesla's my fastest car I own, for sure. By far. Not even close. It's 1.9 seconds, 0 to 60. Damn. That's insanity. Well, it's insanity because then people don't hear you coming, and you're going that much faster. That's true. That's true. But...

It also gets you away from things. Like if you see something about to happen, you could get out of there quicker. You can merge on the highway instantaneously. You never have to worry, am I going fast enough? Like if I merge in this lane, am I cutting this too close? You can just, you're gone. And are the brakes that much better?

No. No, you could get upgraded brakes, though. There's a company called Unplugged that will take it, and they put upgraded brakes. They widen the fenders and put wider tires on it and change the suspension and make it tauter. But the brakes are good. The brakes on – they're not the best brakes on my Tesla. It's not like a Porsche's brakes, like a Porsche with –

Ceramic, carbon ceramic brakes, those are incredible. Like, if you get, like, a really good modern brake setup, you know, six piston, six, you know, front brakes, there's big calipers. Those things can really fucking slow down a car quickly. So the Tesla's not as good as those, but it's good enough. But it's a heavy-ass car, too. They're having a problem with...

Guardrails. I was reading this thing about electric cars. They drove one of those Rivian trucks. It just goes right through those guardrails because it's way heavier than a regular car. Oh, no shit. Yeah, you have to think about that. Yeah, Rivians had a big callback. I think they're okay now, but they called back like every one of them at one point. Oh, for what? Like a year ago.

I can't remember what it was, but... You know what's incredible? Have you seen a Lucid? Lucid Sapphire? No. Lucid Sapphire is... The company's kind of struggling. They're having a hard time selling these things. But I think they have some Saudi Arabian money now, so maybe they're going to be okay. But they have a thing called a Sapphire that's...

One of the most insane electric cars ever built. Wow. It's like a Mercedes, like incredible attention to detail, like incredible interior, luxurious, and zero to 60 is even faster than my car. I think their zero to 60 is something bonkers, like 1.7 seconds. Whoa. Yeah. Scroll back up where it says the acceleration. Here it goes. Okay. 2.2 seconds to 60 miles an hour, quarter mile of 9.28 seconds, which is bananas for a car.

Which, that is so crazy. Yeah. I mean, it's so fast. But it also has incredible, so it says the timer backs this up with more outrageous numbers, 0 to 60 in 1.9 seconds, and then a 9.05 second at 154 miles per hour for the quarter mile, which is bananas. That's so fast. And it handles really well, great brakes. Have you taken the Tesla onto a track? No. No.

But it's a lot more expensive. I think those are like that one, the Sapphire, I think that's like a quarter million dollars. Where is it from? I believe it's an American car. At least it's made in America. I think they make them in Arizona. Insane car, though. $250,000. Yeah. So they're doing cars like that now where it has all these things, but you still have to charge it.

But now Samsung apparently is coming out with a new battery for electric vehicles that they've apparently been working on that can charge in nine minutes, and it has a 600-mile range. I heard about that. Yeah. That's a game changer. Game changer. Yeah. Nine minutes is a game changer. Mm-hmm. That's a game changer. Yeah.

I'm going to plug it in and I'm going to run away because who fucking knows how long the amount of juice that's going into that batteries. Who knows if a gas gets loose or who fucking knows, man. I don't want to be nowhere near those batteries. That scares the shit out of me. I know. You've seen those videos of guys getting in elevators with e-car batteries or e-bike batteries and the batteries explode. Yeah, I've seen that. And they just fly.

And people's houses burn down because if you leave it charged in your garage, it will ignite sometimes. And it blasts fire. It doesn't just light on fire. It blasts fire. It's like it's all condensed in there. And when it goes, it goes like a fucking firebomb.

There's a video of a guy in an elevator. It's horrific He sets it down on the ground and it just like sparks and then just full-on fills the elevator with fire There's nowhere to hide this guy just cooks alive inside that elevator

Imagine that. You're trying to save a few bucks by getting an electric bike and you burn your house down. Also, this is this ridiculous thing that we have where we think that that's eco-friendly. I'm going to be eco-friendly. I'm going to drive my electric bike. That is not eco-friendly. You're using electricity. That electricity probably requires somewhere, somewhere someone's burning something to make that electricity, whether it's coal or-

It could be natural gas. Something's happening where there's a combustion, and that's how you're getting this electricity. What is that putting into the air? You lazy bitch. Just ride your bike like a regular bike rider, you fucking lazy bitch. Oh, don't show me this. That also doesn't even get into what we're talking about with the cobalt mining that has to go into it and the disposal of the batteries, which nobody really understands yet. I changed my mind. Show it to Greg. Good time.

I was saying don't show it to me, but show it to Greg. Greg needs to see this. So this poor dude, he sets it down. Now look. Oh, it's before he even set it down. Bro, it just, yeah, death. Just death. It freaks me out, Jamie. I was looking, they couldn't, someone looked into what this was and there's a lot of stories on what it may have been. I'm not really sure what the story was. I'll tell you what a lug, you know what a lug to your hotel is? You put me up in this beautiful hotel.

And the elevators are always there. That's the difference between a good hotel and a bad hotel. Right, when you have to wait. No matter what floor you're on, you push the button. I swear to God, two seconds, the thing is there. And then I'm in the middle of, I'm on the road for a month right now. I'm home for two days because I'm out promoting the special and doing road work on the weekends in between. So I was like, yesterday I was like, fuck, I got to do some laundry.

And so I look on my Google Maps. Is there a place for drop-off service? Nothing. I would have to drive like 15 minutes in an Uber. So I was like, fuck it. I'll just do the hotel laundry. And it's like a luxury hotel. So I put my clothes into the bag. It was five pairs of socks, five T-shirts, and five pairs of underwear. I came back. It was $105. Yeah.

I was like, fuck, man. You could have bought those. Exactly. Dom O'Reary used to do that. He used to buy fresh underwear and fresh socks everywhere he went. No shit. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, I don't want to wash them. Yeah. That's great. He made good money. He didn't care. If you're going to spend money on something. Just buy new socks, throw them away. Yeah, right, right. And I don't buy expensive socks, you know.

But I had already turned. Again, who's making those socks? That's right. All right. You know the Sheen, is that that clothing company that sells stuff real cheap? I don't know. Ever heard of that? Jamie? Sheen? I was just reading something today about people finding letters, like, please help me. I have dental pain, like that kind of shit. I'm forced to be stuck here. Did Sheen get in trouble for using child labor? Is there something about that?

And what store is selling sheen? I mean, I know. I think it's an online thing. Okay. Because I know sometimes the big ones like Walmart, they get in trouble for some of the places they shop. Well, that's the thing, man. It's like if you're buying something from an American store, you have no idea where it was made and how it was made.

Conspiracy theory claiming Sheen workers sent pleas for help and clothing has tens of millions of views on TikTok. There's no evidence to support this particular theory, despite criticism of Sheen's business model. Yeah, but Google Sheen in trouble for child labor or confirms child labor. There was something about that today. There was something in the news. Child labor. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

This just has two cases. Sheen says it found two cases of child labor in its supply chain last year. So you got to think, right, like they send their stuff to factories to get those factories to make their stuff. If they found two in China, I mean, China, they protect what's going on in these factories. You think, I mean, does this count the North Koreans that are being held? Right.

Well, maybe it's not for this company. The company said it did not find any cases of child labor in Q4 of 2023. That's real specific. Did you look? It started off that it was only found during Q1, Q3 or something earlier in the year. Okay. So in Q4, they weren't doing it anymore? Which is weird because that was the kid's name that they caught doing the child labor.

It should be made in America. You should be able to buy American stuff. And there's not that many companies that are selling things in America, unfortunately. Tom's Shoes. Tom's Shoes? Yeah. Is that what you buy? It's called Tom's. Yeah. They sell you a pair of shoes and they donate a pair to a third world kid that has no shoes. Oh, that's nice. You know, those barefoot kids. Yeah, that's nice. I'm not barefoot anymore. There you go. What are the companies? I guess Patagonia, they're very...

conscious about where they manufacture. I would imagine any of those like rocky mountain climbing people companies like North Face. It'd have to be pretty ecological. I heard REI is not doing good.

What do you mean? The company? Their practices or the company? No, the company is not doing good. Dude, I fucking love that company. Love that place. They got one in Marina Del Rey that's huge. I don't know. I get so excited just walking through the aisles finding cool shit. It's the only place where you buy waterproof matches on a whim. Like, yeah, I might need those. Right, right, right. I need a canteen that I can also take a shit into. I need a 100,000 lumen flashlight in case there's a fucking raccoon in my garbage. Boom, motherfucker. Yeah.

Do you see those flashlights they have? Yeah, yeah. They have crazy flashlights. Yeah, yeah. Like some of those like LED flashlights, they're so powerful. It's bananas how fast.

But we used to have flashlights. They were bullshit. I know. You had that one stupid bulb and that silver reflective area on the outside supposed to amplify the light from this one shitty light bulb. And you had to put in those, like, giant double D batteries that weighed, like, eight pounds to carry it around. I think they all need those now. Well, I think with these really high lumen lights, the LEDs don't draw much electricity. Dude, all my camping stuff is solar. Yeah.

Really? Yeah, my lanterns are all solar. It's great. Oh, wow. And they collapse. It's collapsible. And then it pops up. I think it's a Coleman. It collapses, and then it pops up and then charges. And it's got a nice light. My friend Adam Greentree, he does a lot of these—

solo hunts where he goes into the backcountry for like a month at a time, just him by himself living off the land. And he has this, it's like a tarp you lay out. It's a solar tarp. Like you unfold it. And he uses it to charge his phone, charge his cameras, like anything he wants to charge. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you those boats, those people that

But take a boat from Hawaii to mainland U.S., everything must be solar. You have to have something solar. You have to have at least some kind of backup. If your generator goes down, you're stuck in the middle of the fucking ocean, you can't even send a rescue message. Yeah. Dude, if you told me we're going to send you on a sailboat to Hawaii, I would be like, I'll just die. You could kill me.

Going into storms with 20-foot waves on his sailboat? In the middle of the ocean, dude. In the middle of the ocean. How about that guy that died in Italy? Do you hear that story? That crazy story? So there's this guy who was on trial. He was some billionaire character who was on trial for... I forget what the charges were, but there was a very low probability of him beating the case, and he wound up beating it. And then...

He's on the island of Sicily. He's around Sicily in the ocean. And a water spout out of nowhere hits his boat, sinks him and kills him. I believe killed his daughter and maybe a few other people as well. And then some people swim to safety. But what are the odds that this water spout takes out this one guy's yacht?

Right after this guy gets off on apparently, allegedly ripping off a bunch of very wealthy people. Oh, yeah. Now his co-defendant gets hit by a car. He gets killed too. No shit. Nothing to see here. Not in Sicily. That shit never happens in Sicily. I don't know if the co-defendant got killed in Sicily. The co-defendant might have got killed somewhere else. But I know they're both dead. Damn. Quick. Yeah. It makes you wonder. Like, don't.

Fuck with rich people. Do not. Yeah. Because they can make someone rich to get rid of you. Like, how much do you think you're worth? Like, if someone's worth $80 billion and you rip them off for like $5 billion, you're like, I want this motherfucker dead. Yeah. And you go for a walk on a beach with a guy.

And everybody leaves their cell phones at home. You explain how it's all going to get done. And a water spout just shows up in the middle of the ocean. What are they using? Satellites? What access to fucking killer weather technology do they really have? Yeah. What do they have?

Like, let's assume this is a conspiracy because it might not have been. It might be God. God might have said, fuck this guy. Yeah. Which is horrible because he also said, fuck the guy's daughter and a bunch of people working on the boat. But if God did that, it's pretty crazy. Right. That's one option. One option is it's some strange karma that God just decided it's your time. Another option is just complete coincidence. Just this took place to this guy. He's just on the ocean and shit happens. It's just crazy. Just circumstance and people are going to attribute it to a conspiracy.

The other possibility is that they can do that, that some force in the world has the kind of technology that can direct a storm to a very specific spot, that can create a water spout. Like seeding the clouds or something. Something probably more complicated than that, like some sort of a direct energy weapon.

Like something where they can do something with the ionosphere, do something with lasers. I don't know what the fuck they're using. But some kind of technology that can amplify weather and point it to a very specific place, which is crazy to think. Like imagine if there's a hurricane machine out there.

If we know that, like, Japan starts talking shit, oh, yeah? You want to talk some shit? How about we send a hurricane your way? And you don't even know you can do hurricanes. So if you don't know that we're creating the hurricane, you think you just got hit by a hurricane. Nice. Like, how much control do they have over storms? Or sieges. Like, a siege used to be you surrounded the city and you kept any food from coming in. Now, how about a drought for a year? Right, right. Maybe they can do that.

Well, they know, what does it say? The story says that potentially could have been avoided if the ship had been, I don't want to say treated or cared for correctly because they knew that a storm was coming and they didn't do some things they should have done, including button down all the hatches, lift up the anchor and a few other things were on the list I saw. So they're like, there's an investigation going and they might have manslaughter charges or something. Probable that offenses were committed.

Because of the way that people set the boat up? Yeah, they're not even positive if, like, they could have survived that storm if those things were done. Stop trying to be a party pooper. I'm trying to promote a conspiracy theory over here. So imagine if you do have control of the weather, what would you do? You'd start a storm first. Can't just have this water spout appear out of nowhere. Let's start a fucking storm. Guys out there boating? Okay, let's start a storm.

Can they start a storm? Well, how much control? I mean, I don't know anything about it except like, what do they call it? Cloud seeding? Cloud seeding is real. How much control do we have over the weather now?

Well, cloud seeding is real. They do it in Abu Dhabi once a week. So they have, it rains once a week in Abu Dhabi because they're insanely wealthy, right? And they're like, wouldn't it be nice if it rained? So let's fucking make it rain. So there's chemicals you spray in the clouds and it's something about it changes the weight of the water vapor. But there has to be clouds. Yeah, I think there has to be clouds. But there's kind of always clouds, like some clouds.

In Dubai though recently they had a disaster where they they fucked up and they over amped and they got more rain than they've had in seven years and so there's like supercars like floating down the street like mad flooding because they don't really have the infrastructure to deal with that kind of water like just pouring down. Did you see any of that footage? No. I'm pretty sure this has all been they've all tied this into cloud seeding.

See if that's true. But the footage of the flood is fucking bonkers. So if there's cloud seeding, will there not be fighting between places about who gets to pull the water from the clouds? Because you'll exhaust the air and the water eventually in the in the sky eventually. I wonder if that's true.

I wonder if there's more up there than we think there is. And I wonder what the negative consequences are. Like, does it have an effect on other parts of the world? So the heavy rainfall continues to pound UAE. Several flights canceled. So it was, I had some friends that were over there while this was happening. They said it was nuts. Like, they're just not designed for that. So buildings were leaking. Like, everything was flooded. Yeah.

Like, these buildings are not really set up. Look at all those cars, like, sunk underwater. These buildings, some of them are not really set up. Look at the fucking airport. That's nuts. It's like a swimming pool. They're not set up for this kind of rainfall or any kind of rainfall. They probably did a shit job building them. They didn't weatherproof them. They didn't think it was going to rain. When you're in the desert, sometimes that shit backs up. Yeah, but this is, like, raining for days. So was it because of cloud seeding, does it say? Yeah.

Google that. I'm pretty sure they attribute it to the cloud seeding, which is nuts that they can do that. That's wild. So we can make it rain. Yeah. Yay. So that's kind of simple, though. That's not starting a storm, and it's certainly not directing a storm.

So it makes you wonder, like, okay, that seems pretty straightforward, how they do the cloud seeding. But is there any sort of technology that's even feasible that would allow you to manipulate the weather? So, like, if we understand the conditions in which certain storms emerge...

Like hurricanes. It has to do with the warming of the ocean, like the ocean water. And then a cold front coming in above it. There's a bunch of different factors that happen. Like would it be possible to mimic those conditions or to artificially stimulate those conditions?

Is it even feasible? Like, how would you warm the ocean? That's insane. It's so big. How are you going to do that? Saying this is just a crazy weather event that happened with, like, a low-pressure system not moving right. They had forecasted that it was going to happen. Did they do any cloud seeding, though? There's reports that cloud seeding may have had the thing, but the BBC says they're unable to independently identify whether cloud seeding took place.

Right, because if I was working for the UAE, I'd be like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Cloud seeding. Yeah. Like, you know how much insurance is involved in all this? No, no, no, this just happened. Do you know how much money is lost there? Just think of that. Think of how much repairs, how many cars got drowned. I didn't do it. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Cloud seeding? Yeah. What is this, a science fiction movie, bitch? It's 20 people. That's the Department of Cloud Seeding. We're not cloud seeding. And they fucked up. We're not cloud seeding. We just, it rained. Yeah.

It rained in the middle of the desert. By the way, the BBC, when I think about, because everybody talks about which news sources can you trust, and neither side trusts the other side. BBC kind of feels like the place we can all go, that's pretty good. They're pretty good. Yeah. It's real hard with anything that's a corporation. If you really want to get news, get some unbiased news. There's a thing, what is it called? 1492? Is that what it's called? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Well, it's basically just fact-driven news stories, no editorial bend to it whatsoever. Not owned by a board that's on one side or the other. Exactly. So I get that. Somehow I trust like... BBC's pretty good. Guardian, BBC. But anybody that's got some sort of an agenda, any one way or the other, you know...

Whether it's to minimize one person's activity or maximize another person's, like what are, just tell me what happened. Tell me who did what and what took place and just don't give me any words like far right. Don't say extremist. Don't say any of that stuff. Just tell me what a human being did, what another human, like what started this thing.

Well, that's why I prefer People magazine over us because when I see Ben Affleck with a giant Starbucks cup and it says he's just like us, I'm like, fucking, that's it. That's the real deal. That's facts.

I used to read People Magazine every week. My wife was working at a doctor's office, and I'd say, fucking steal that People Magazine. So nuts. I just love... I don't know why. It's because it's so much... After all the other bullshit news that you're looking at, just to go like, all right, I want to see a country singer who's got a new fucking baby. It's sweet. It's all just super low-frequency information. I used to love those fake ones. Was it...

Which ones were the ones that were talking about Bigfoot and UFOs all the time? Oh, the National Enquirer? No, no, not that one. National Enquirer was like gossipy stuff. Oh, the something. World News. World News Report. Yeah, yeah, that's the one. Those were great. That was the best. They had the worst like Photoshop pictures. And I'm like, give me that. What did you do? What did you do? My father was, you know, my father was in broadcasting and he did a lot of voiceovers. And so one of his accounts was the, it was the National Enquirer.

And his voice would come on every week. All the commercials for National Enquirer would come on. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Give me some. I don't want to cut the story. Sorry. Just let me see some of those. Look at the bat child. Look at that. Look at the bat child found in cave. Hillary Clinton adopts alien baby. Does look like Chelsea a little bit. There's bat child found in cave. Look at that. Bat boy leads cops in three-state chase. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

First photos of heaven. They're amazing. It's amazing. Computer virus spreads to humans. Princess Diana is alive. Batboy signed into New York City. Batboy got a lot of coverage. She must have sold a lot of episodes. Pregnant man gives birth. Look, that was ridiculous back then. Now it's like, of course. Of course he gave birth.

Oh, my God. There's Bigfoot runaway bride. But look at the bride. It's so clearly like a holograph. They didn't even try. It's a drawing. It's Bigfoot with a fucking veil on. Oh, my God. Fat cat owns 23 old ladies. Titanic captain found in lifeboat. Did you see that one? Oh, my God. Oh.

Oh, that's amazing. It's so funny. They were so good. They were so good. Yeah. It was just ridiculous enough. They were like, give me that. Yeah. Give me that. What did you do? You son of a bitch. Bigfoot was huge. It was the onion before the onion was. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There was always Bigfoot stories. A lot of Bigfoot stories.

Oh, Jackie with crippled Kennedy, proving he didn't die in Dallas. He just got crippled. Getting shot in the head will make you crippled on your... It's funny, just circle a blurry photo. That's him. How the fuck do you know that's him?

It's so stupid. They just lied to you. But the lies are so ridiculous, it's like, it's okay. Yeah. Like, some kind of fraud we allow. Like, we allow, like, preachers. Uh-huh. Like, televangelists. Preachers? Yeah. How about fucking religion? Oh, yeah.

How about this new kind of like the Christians are taking over the country and forcing us to put the Ten Commandments on the sides of fucking courthouses and get it taught in schools? Who's doing that? It's a fantasy. Wait a minute. Who's doing that? What, the courthouses? Yeah. Where's that happening? What state is that? Maybe it's Texas. I don't know. Really? Yeah.

Was the Ten Commandments always there? Or are they trying to reintroduce it or are they trying to introduce it? Well, there's different Ten Commandments, first of all. Like there's the Catholic Ten Commandments and then there's the Lutheran Ten Commandments. So I don't even know which one they're using. But is it Alabama? One of the states is forcing them to put the Ten Commandments inside of courthouses. Really?

ACLU sues over Ten Commandments in courthouse, saying biblical text violates religious liberty. And this is from 2001. Now, this is in the last year. Are you sure? You haven't been just on the liberal news report? Positive. Probably get it in Venice. You guys all lie to each other. It's all about homeless people and the Ten Commandments. There's a story about a monument between the Texas State Capitol building and the State Supreme Court building. Oh, it's just a monument? Yeah.

It stood on grounds between Texas State Capitol Building and the State Supreme Court Building. Monument was one of several scattered around the Capitol grounds. Its location did not draw special attention to it. Huh. No, that's not it.

You know what scholars from Israel think the Ten Commandments were? What? Moses and the burning bush, like that whole thing. Yeah. They think it was DMT. They think that the acacia bush is very rich in DMT. Yeah. And they think it's indicative of a psychedelic experience. And this is the, instead of smoking this compound, it's a burning bush. Like this is how you would get that analogy, especially when you're dealing with a story that's told over a thousand years before it's ever written down. Yeah. Yeah.

And it's translated in all these different languages. But if you break it down to what it is, these scholars now believe that it's some sort of a psychedelic experience where he comes back and said, God has given us these rules to live by. In that case, I'm in. I'm in on those Ten Commandments. They came from somewhere real then. Yeah. Well, I think all of it, if you stop and think about it, I always bring this up, but it's a good point. Like in the beginning there was light. Well, isn't that the Big Bang? I mean we believe in that. Like all –

that are studying the origins of the universe believe in the Big Bang. There's new people like, well, not new, like Sir Roger Penrose who has been on the show before who now believes that the Big Bang was the end of another universe and that

It's probably this endless cycle. And it's not as simple as there was nothing and then there was something. That there's always this expansion and contraction and then these cosmic events take place and they birth new universes. They just manifest different types of life forms at different times. That's all completely speculative, right? What they do know is what they can see, right? So what they can see is some sort of...

some sort of a background evidence of this event that took place. They're still arguing about how much time ago it took because the James Webb telescope, they've seen some structures and some galaxies that...

are so far away they shouldn't have been able to form in the amount of time that it took from the current understanding of the Big Bang and some people want to push the Big Bang back 22 billion years now instead of 13 billion years but it could be that that's just as far because it's that's 22 billion years it takes for light to get there to breach us but if it's 100

100 billion years. That shit's never going to get there. We're never going to see it. So if it goes back further and further than that, it's just not available to us. We don't have the ability to see it yet. But we might. Now they can, with the James Webb, they can see far further back. And with new telescopes they invent and new methods of detection, they might be able to realize there's no end to this thing. And there was no beginning. And it just keeps happening.

It's more logical than it not being true. I mean, there's obviously, I mean, all the laws of physics are about the, you know, energy and mass not disappearing. It exists. And there's different wavelengths that all life exists. We're in such a slim, you know, frame of energy that...

And now I feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I know what you're saying, though. Yeah, but it's not logical that there would be just this and not infinity. It's silly. But it's also, even if there wasn't, the universe is so crazy, just what we know.

It is – even if we said, oh, it's only 13.7 billion years old. You don't even know what that means. Just – you know how fucking big that is? And by the way, we're not at the end of it. It's not like we're – like it blew up and we're this far away. We look back. That's what we see. No, it goes that far that way too. So it's fucking immense. Yeah.

Beyond imagination. You could put it into numbers. You could write it down. Billion this, that. It doesn't even register. You can't imagine how long it would take to get there. You can't imagine if you're going to speed of light, something taking 13.7 billion years to arrive at.

It's so big that even if that's it, if that's the whole thing, even if it's finite, even if they define the universe as a structure, it's finite and it is X amount of billion years of light year travel until you reach the end of this structure. Maybe it rotates into itself. Who knows? It's still insane. So the idea that it's not, it doesn't have a boundary, that there's more of them, that there's a multiverse, that there's an infinite number of them. One of the theories is that

In the center of every galaxy, there's a supermassive black hole. And if you go through that supermassive black hole, you will find another universe. Right. With hundreds of billions of galaxies. Each one with a supermassive black hole in the middle of it. Go through that. Hundreds of billions of universes. Like, that it's never-ending and fractal.

Yeah, and also the fact that, you know, we can travel at a certain speed and the fact that there isn't another life force that can go instantaneously through incredible distances. Probably for sure they can. Yeah. I mean, we were talking the other day, I had this guy on, and we were talking about imagine if you were living in the Roman Empire and you showed them a garage door opener.

They'd be like, what the fuck? This is crazy. You're nowhere near that thing. You press a button and it goes up? Yeah. That's nuts. Yeah. It's a radio frequency, something you can't see, feel, or touch? Oh!

We think it's so crazy, but it might be how we travel through space in the future. Just zip to some new spot. It'd be super normal for us. Like, what, are you going to fly there like an idiot with a jet engine? You're going to need stopovers to refuel. Yeah, and you hope you don't get hit by a micrometeorite along the way and you get annihilated. Yeah. You hear about those people that are stuck in the space station? Yeah. Bro, Elon has to go rescue them. Is that what's going to happen? Yeah. Boeing can't get them.

They're having failures with their jets. Apparently, Boeing at one time was talking shit about SpaceX, and now Elon's talking shit to Boeing. Oh, that's great. Because they're going to have to go rescue those people. Yeah. Is Russia or China, is anybody else going to the space station we can catch a ride from? It would be nice. Yeah. That would be nice. I don't know. But I know...

You can't stay up there too long. It's really bad for you. I heard it's like nine months is the forecast right now of how long they can stay up there? Do you know how long they're supposed to be there for? No. Eight days. No. No. And how long are they staying? I heard something like nine months. This is no fewer than 240. The Starliner will amount to no fewer than 240 consecutive days since the space craft. When do they run out of food? When do they run out of food? When do they start eating each other? Bro, when do they run out of food?

How much food do they have up there? How can they have enough food? How is it even possible? What do they do with their shit? They shoot it out into space? Can't do that. What if it lands on somebody? Kill them. That's happened before. Really? Yeah, they dropped it out of planes. Frozen turds have come through people's fucking house roofs. Yeah. Like a brick of shit from the sky. Boom! Imagine you're watching the Super Bowl. Like, this is amazing!

A brick of frozen shit from 180 passengers comes crashing through your kitchen roof. Who do you call for that? Third ride is wisdom. They just can't safely take it back. Why? The helium leaks in several issues with smaller thrusters. It's been docked with the space station. So, like, earlier this week they announced...

that it will undock without a crew in early September and come back to Earth while they wait for their ride sometime in 2025. Oh, my God. In 2025. We are in August right now of 2024 talking about this. Would you want to not just get on the thing and go with it? No. No.

You're going to get left in space. Would you take your chance? I don't know. Oh, you might take a chance. What if you're almost out of food? Right. You might take a chance. You know what's so fucking crazy is that it takes this long. When you think about like, what was it, 1969 when we went to the, when did we go to the moon the first time? Allegedly. Say allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly. Allegedly.

That they basically took with no real computers, with none of the technology we have today. Picture a 1969 fucking Camaro going up into space. They got up to space. And they had a space program that was very accelerated. They did this shit fast because Russia had thrown down the gauntlet. They had already gotten there. We wanted to get on the moon first. Well, we all had Nazi scientists.

Oh, that's right. Yeah. Russia got a bunch and we got a bunch. But dude, they got up there and then somebody hit a wrong button when they, I think, I guess this was, what was the first one? Apollo 13? Yeah. They hit a wrong button on the computer and they went off course and they self-corrected on a fucking onboard computer. Because, you know, if you miss the gravitational pull, you just fucking spin out into space and it's over. And these dudes somehow made it.

With a V8 engine. They just got to the moon. I don't think it was a V8 engine. I think it was an EcoBoost. And then now today, how is it that it still takes us this long to do the same thing that they did 50 years ago? Well, do you know that the Apollo missions were the only time that they ever sent a living thing into deep space and had to come back alive? What? Yeah. Yeah.

They never sent anything into deep space. Like they never sent a monkey to the moon and had to come back alive to see if the people could survive. The first time they did it was with people.

Wow. Yeah. Seems odd. Damn. Seems odd that no mission other than the Apollo missions has ever been past Earth's gravity. Yeah. So the way all of these missions, like the space station mission, they're all like 300 miles, 350 miles, space shuttle missions. Everything's inside 300 miles because it's inside the Van Allen radiation belts. So this is immense band of radiation that covers the Earth that –

I forget how many thousands of miles, but it's outside of where all the space travel is. Yeah. Except the Apollos. They went through it. No problem. And they tried to blow a hole through it once. They actually ignited a nuclear bomb in space. It was Operation Starfish Prime. So they shot a nuke up into space to try to clear a pathway so they could shoot a rocket through it and have no problems. And it made it way more radioactive.

Whoa. It had the opposite effect. Instead of blowing a hole through it, it just supercharged the belt. No shit. Yeah. It was a crazy experiment. The idea that they would shoot a rocket into space and blow up a nuclear bomb. Damn. Yeah. Pull up our operations start- What year was that? Oh. Like pre-satellites? 60?

7, 68, somewhere around then, maybe slightly earlier than that. Okay. Because now you fuck up all the telecommunications if you did that, right? No, no, no. Well, maybe. It depends on where you do it, I guess. But a solar flare could fuck up all of our communications. Yeah. One good blast and all of our satellites are down. Yeah.

Starfish Prime is a high-altitude nuclear test conducted by the... It's just a test, Gregory. A joint effort of the Atomic Energy Commission and the Defense Atomic Support... Oh, 62. It was launched in Johnston Atoll in July 9, 1962. It was the largest nuclear test conducted in outer space and one of five conducted by the U.S. in space. A Thor rocket. Imagine your name on your rocket. Thor. Thor. Thor.

containing a W49 thermonuclear warhead designed at Los Alamos Scientific Laboratory, and a Mach MK2 reentry vehicle was launched from Johnston Atoll in the Pacific Ocean about 900 miles west-southwest of Hawaii. The explosion took place at an altitude of 250 miles. Not that high. No. That's not that high.

That's like right at the border of where I think the belts start. I think the belts start at like around 300, 350, something like that. Starfish test was one of five high-altitude tests grouped together as Operation Fishbowl. I think in Hawaii they had power outages because of it. Wow. But did they have power outages? Does it say they have power outages in Hawaii? Does it say anything? This is all Wikipedia on the thing, right? Yeah.

I believe they did. I think that was one of the issues. After Effects. Okay, here it goes. While some of the energetic beta particles followed the Earth's magnetic field and illuminated the sky, other high-energy electrons became trapped and formed radiation belts around the Earth. The added electrons increased the intensity of the electrons within the natural inner Van Allen radiation belt by several orders of magnitude. There was much uncertainty and debate...

about the composition, magnitude, and potential adverse effects from the trap radiation after the detonation. The weaponiers became quite worried when three satellites in low Earth orbit were disabled. These included the TRAAC and the Transit 4B. The half-life of the energetic electrons was only a few days. At the time, it was not known that solar and cosmic particle fluxes varied by a factor of 10.

and energies could exceed 1 MeV, whatever that means, in the months that followed. These man-made radiation belts eventually caused six or more satellites to fail. As radiation damaged their solar arrays or electronics, including the first commercial relay communications satellite, Telstar. Telstar. Yeah, as well as the United Kingdom's first satellite, TELSTAR.

Detectors on Telstar, TRAAC engine and Aerial 1 were used to measure the distribution of the radiation produced by the tests.

So we fucked up England's satellite. Those guys are out of their fucking mind. That's insane. Hey, fuck it. Let's try this. They're so crazy. Oh, my God. Oh, wait, look at this. Exposure in outer space, the fallout from Starfish Prime was less than other ground tests. Estimate for its health impacts and excess deaths, including from thyroid cancer, are hard to find. But overall excess deaths impact of thousands of above ground tests have likely amounted between 10,000 and 100,000 lives. Whoa.

Just from the tests. That's what killed John Wayne, you know. Oh, is that right? John Wayne and the whole cast of a movie he was on got cancer.

And they did these Westerns out in Nevada. That's what I meant before when I said Oklahoma. I meant Nevada. Yeah. That test went off. Yeah. Nevada had a bunch of them. Yeah. That's why they got gambling. Let's make a deal. The Conqueror, 220 people on the set of The Conqueror. 91 were diagnosed with cancer.

Including both Wayne, who died in 1979 at 72, and his co-star, Susan Hayward, who died in 1975 at 57. Dude, John Wayne looked a lot older than 72 by the end. That was a different time. Yeah. They didn't have no vitamins. They ate mayonnaise. I know. I know. They had no sunblock, no vegetables. They just came out with margarine. Yeah. Margarine was big.

You know, nonstick surfaces on pans were made out of fucking toxins. That was him at the end. 72, look at him. Wow. Rough. Rough time. Dies at 72. The Duke. Well, I'll tell ya. AI. Quentin Tarantino movie. John Wayne. The Last Gunslinger. They say when...

Remember when Brando had the indigenous woman go up and accept his Oscar? And she wasn't really indigenous? Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, she was a con man. Apparently John Wayne went out. They had to physically restrain John Wayne. Oh, he went nutty. Yeah, he went nutty. Yeah, that lady was crazy. Her sister's like, we're not Indian. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That wasn't her name. Yeah, she was like...

Outrage John Wayne had to be restrained by six guards during the Marlon Brando Oscar win. I'll tell you what. Find out that lady, that that lady was not really Native American. Wow. She had made it all up. She came up with a fake name. She got up there with the whole poncho on and everything. The ponytails.

She had the big tails and the braids. It was Halloween at the Oscars. Bro, she was like one of the first people that like stole culture. And she spoke in like a broken English too. Yes, amazing. Yeah. Amazing. That's amazing. Yeah, her sister ratted her out.

I'm pretty sure it was her sister. Well, that's what's, I mean, talk about it. Can you find that story? Pre-internet, like the woman who ended up being a leader for the NAACP and she wasn't black. Oh, Rachel Dolezal. She was Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. You know, back then you couldn't be transracial, but I think that's coming. I think she was ahead of her time. Yeah. I think she was ahead of her time. I think you could probably be trans white and no one will call you on it. Trans white is like, let him be white. That's fine. I identify as white. Okay. Okay.

No one cares. You know? Like, no one gets outraged when a woman turns into a man. You're like, well, probably shouldn't have done that, but good luck to you. Nobody gets mad. Like, you're appropriating male culture. Like, women get mad when men become women and then want to go in the women's room and appropriate women culture and then join women's groups and tell women what to do. And there are biological males who identify as women. Women get real upset. But if, like, a biological woman...

Wants to hang out with the guys. Wants to pretend to be a guy. I want to get on the board. No one's getting threatened. Okay, Frank, join the board. Who cares? The John Lennon thing isn't true. What do you mean it's not true? He didn't rush the stage.

Oh, that's fake? While I'm looking for this thing, I found the story saying that they had to debunk it every few years because it kind of comes back up. Maybe he knew she wasn't really Indian, so he didn't charge his stage. Maybe it's one of them QAnon things. So what is The Lady, though? The story about The Lady. That's what I really wanted to hear about. Because that's kooky. There's a kooky thing that people do where they pretend to be Native American. No one pretends they're Polish. Ha ha ha!

No, I've got Polish roots. Like, no one does that. No one pretends to be Irish. No one says I'm German when you're actually not. Although some people pretend they're not German shortly after the war. Yeah, they moved to Argentina. Yeah, a lot of them.

Yep. Yeah, and Brazil. Communities of Brazil, they speak German. Boys from Brazil. Oh, yeah. The Argentina thing is crazy. Yeah. Like, they had that show Finding Hitler, and they go down there, and there's, like, these people that have, like, photos of SS troops on their wall. That was grandpa. Uh-huh. And they wear lederhosen, and they have fucking Oktoberfest down there. Yeah. Yeah. They all escaped. It's crazy, dude. Yeah. It's crazy. They got out. You get the story?

Yeah, but I'm making sure it's accurate because that was going around in 2022. And then more recently, there was a documentary made and someone hired someone to look into all of this stuff. And that's what I was just reading through to see what they found. Because they might have found something that says that there is some sort of link. Yeah, but I'm pretty sure the gal was, she had some issues and was kind of like making stuff up. Yeah. I'm pretty sure.

That's fun. Yeah. Wild lady. Bet she's fun to hang out with. Yeah. Wants to pretend to be an Indian? Like, okay. A little imagination. Let's go. Let's go camping. Let's see what you really got. Yeah, show me how to start a fire. Go catch a fish. There's two rocks. How do you do it? How do you guys start a fire? Show me how. Yeah, her sisters were saying she was a fraud. Yeah, her sisters ratted her out. Yeah. Pull the story up. I'm trying. It's covered by... Goddamn ad blockers. Yeah.

It's just that thing of people wanting to be something other than what they are is very weird. But the grass is always greener. God, I wish I was a Native American. That'd be so fucking cool. Like you pretend you hear things. Shh.

There she is. Sashene Littlefeather. What a great name. A lot about Native American ancestry sisters claim. It's a fraud. It's disgusting to the heritage of the tribal people, and it's just insulting to my parents. She was a nutty lady. She was pretty, though, too. Yeah, she was gorgeous. That's probably how she tricked Marlon Brando. Oh, yeah. It's probably hot. She rubbed it up against him. He's like, I love Indians. Littlefeather. Why don't you do me a favor?

That guy was out of his fucking mind. Yeah. Got on an island. Became 350 pounds. Yeah. Hung out by himself on an island. Uh-huh.

But that's probably why he was so good. You know, when you talk about, like, original comics, like, he's the original actor. Yeah. You know, Streetcar Named Desire? Watch that movie. Yeah. Like, nobody acted like that back then. Well, it was part of that whole—he went to the Neighborhood Playhouse in New York, and his class at the Neighborhood Playhouse was James Dean, Paul Newman. What was Paul Newman's wife's name?

She was a very famous actress as well. Yeah, I don't remember. There was this one group that started, and it was Stanislavski taught Meisner. Meisner started the Neighborhood Playhouse. And that whole voice in acting that was based on listening and answering and being in the moment, and it was about finding emotional truth and coming from that rather than from the dialogue. You didn't study the dialogue and recite it. You found...

where the emotional truth of where this character was and then you just unleashed it and you and you found the moment in that and that started this whole kind of like realistic acting right because before that they're like say get away from my girl it was all rhythm suck yeah yeah yeah right right right why i oughta yeah they talked so weird back yeah and they talked fake it was like fake

He was the first guy to like, oh, it seems like he's really experiencing that right now. He's really upset. Yeah. Yeah. On the waterfront? On the waterfront was incredible. Yeah. It was great. I could have been a contender. I could have been somebody. Yeah. Instead of a bum. Which is what I am. And everybody was like, whoa, who's this guy? Marlon Brando.

James Dean, same kind of thing. They just broke down on stage, the emotions they had. And Newman, too, in The Hustler. Oh, my God. Incredible. That's amazing. Incredible. That's 1963. That's the year Kennedy was shot, that movie came out.

Oh, no shit. I just rewatched it recently. It's fucking dark, man. It's so good. So good. Jackie Gleason was fucking amazing. First guy ever to play a pool player that you could say, oh, that guy actually played pool. He's the only one. Yeah. He's the only one where I buy it hook, line, and sinker. You watch him play the balls, you're like, that guy can play. Mm-hmm. Yep. But Paul Newman, you're like, hmm. Tom Cruise? You weren't buying Tom Cruise? Rudimentary. Yeah.

He didn't move the ball. Yeah. Anybody can make a straight-in shot if you teach them. It's like, can you move the ball? Yeah. How do you move? It takes so long to be able to stroke a ball, to be able to get draw, stroke, like full table, full-length draw. Yeah. Put English, side spin, adjust for the way it's going to deflect off the other ball, get position on the next shot. That's what I want to see. Mm-hmm.

And you don't see that in movies where a guy's playing pool except for Gleason. When Gleason's making those shots, you're like, that guy can fucking play. He's going into the rack. He's moving the ball around. You're like, that guy's a player. He could run 100 balls. Was that character based on William Moscone? No. Neither one. No. Minnesota Fats used to be called New York Fats. And he changed his name to Minnesota Fats after the movie.

That movie was all about me. Oh, no shit. Yeah, he was a con man. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a hustler, a real hustler. Minnesota Fats was a very good pool player, but not nearly as good as Willie Moscone. Willie Moscone was in The Hustler.

Yeah, that's right. He was one of the guys racking the balls when they had the first big match. But Willie Moscone was like a real world champion pool player. But Minnesota Fats was just a really good player. I heard he was a good gambler. I heard that Willie was a better tournament player and that Fats was a better money player.

Perhaps. Moscone was just a better player, period, all around. He'd beat him in everything that they would ever play in. There's not a chance in hell that... Except there's a game called One Pocket, and that was one of the games that Minnesota Fats was an expert at. And One Pocket is a complicated game where, like...

Do you know how to play it? No. Okay, so if it's a six-pocket table, you have the pocket on the left in the corner, I have the pocket on the right, and you must make all your balls in that pocket. There's 15 balls in a rack, right? When you get to eight balls, you win. That means you won the rack. If I get to eight balls, I win.

And so you can make a spot, too. Like, say, if I'm a better player than you, I say, I'll spot you 10 to 5. You only need to make 5 balls and you win. I need to make 10 balls in my hole and you win. And so it's all about moving balls around. So you want to keep the cue ball in a position where you can't possibly make a ball in that corner. And you want to nudge balls slowly towards your corner. It's all about not making any drastic moves and understanding how to play the game. Super complicated gambler's game.

So a lot of times when people are playing for a lot of money, they like to play this game. Wow. The games take forever. A game might take three hours for one game. Yeah. So if you pot a ball in another pocket, does it stay down? No. If you pot a ball in a side pocket, it comes back up and it gets spotted. If you pot a ball in the other guy's pocket accidentally, that's his ball. Oh.

And then you lose your spot. Dude, we should play that one day. It's boring as shit. Oh, is it? Yeah, you'll go mad. You just take wild shots and then you fuck up and you scatter the rack and then the guy runs out. I'm too ADD for that. I need to be moving the ball around. I like to play position on the next shot and then that to the next shot. But it's a very complicated game that really good players play. Minnesota Fats, the real New York Fats is his real name. He was...

Rudolph Wanderone was his name. He was a really good player at that. That's the gambling game. Yeah. Like to this day, like when guys match up, one of the things that happens, like if there's big tournaments, certain guys will show up where these big tournaments are that are just one pocket players. And they try to entice one of these pros into a game of one pocket. Uh-huh.

And then they'll bet $50,000, $60,000, $100,000. You hear about these things. This is a place called the Derby City Classic. It happens every year. I think it's in Louisville still. But these guys go down there, and it's like a 10-day festival where road players just go down and meet each other. They play in tournaments, and they try to gamble each other. Play like two-day games. Oh, yeah. They do fucking math and stay up for three days in a row, I bet. That's what they used to do. They used to all do amphetamines back in the 70s. They were all real skinny.

Real skinny and wired and couldn't miss a ball. No, that's the thing about pool when you play for a long time in one match is you just lose focus for a second. And then all of a sudden, it's like golf is the same way. You have to go from hyper-focus, totally present, to relaxing, shooting the shit, listening to music, whatever. And then hyper-focus again. Yeah. Yeah. It's a complicated game. Unfortunately, it's not that popular anymore.

You know, it's just video games are too good. It's too easy to entice people into video game land. You mean instead of pool in general? Yeah. If there was nothing but pool, all these young kids would be into playing pool because it's so exciting. My daughter's obsessed with pool. Really? Yeah. So I used to bring her. When she was like 19 and 20, she was into pool, but there's no fucking pool halls on the west side in L.A. And so she had a fake ID. Isn't there a House of Billiards in Santa Monica? Closed. When did it go under? Like three years ago.

So I would bring her. She had a fake ID, and we would go shoot bar pool, and we'd play as a team. And I taught her everything, and we would go in, and it was so funny because we'd play against another couple. It was two guys. And we'd start shooting, and she got pretty good. And you know me. I'm okay. And so we would win some games, and then she would say something like, oh, yeah, my father was saying, and then we'd go, oh, thank God that's your father. We thought it was right.

Some old creep. Some old creep who found some young, talented pool player to take under his wing. But that's what she does. She goes out at night with her friends, and she just, she's like that. That's great. She's like that pool junkie, the one that's all night long hanging around the table. Where does she live now? On the west side. Okay. Yeah. Is there places that you can go to? No pool halls. None? Just bars with tables. God.

I think there's one in like Brentwood, but that's far. But Hollywood Billiards was the place. Yeah, that place was great. There was an original Hollywood Billiards that I went. The first time I went to LA was in 94, but that place got condemned after the earthquake. Oh. So then they moved it to that big place with the parking lot. Yeah. And that place I think was like hard to keep up. I used to shoot with Adam Ferrara over there sometimes. He's a good player. I used to shoot with him in House of Billiards and the one in Studio City. Is that where it's at?

Maybe it's on Studio City. Somewhere in the valley, there was a house of billiards. God damn it. I used to do the Monday Night Tournament there. Oh, really? What is it? Nine Ball Tournament? Yeah. Sherman Oaks. Sherman Oaks, that's right. Yeah, I used to go there with Dom, too. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, I shoot with Dom. He's fun to play with. Yeah, that's how Dom and I became friends. Dom and I did Montreal together in like 93. And then I was at Amsterdam Billiards when it was on the west side. And I showed up and I had my own cue and I was putting my cue together and Dom Herrera walked in. And he goes, oh, hey, Joseph. I go, you play pool? He had his own cue too. I'm like, let's fucking play. And we played for hours. You know who owned that pool hole? David Brenner. David Brenner. Yeah, stand-up comedian. Yeah.

So listen, dude, let's wrap this up because I got to pee. Your special, it's out.

It's called You Know Me. It's on YouTube, and you can go to FitzDawg.com and link to it from that. I got some tour dates coming up at Denver Comedy Works this weekend. FitzDawg.com, calendar's up there. FitzDawg.com, calendar's up there, Tacoma and Tulsa. This coming weekend, you're at the Comedy Works, which is one of the best clubs that's ever existed. It's so much fun. Fucking amazing place. Yeah, yeah. And great history to it, and Wendy's the best. Yeah, Wendy Curtis, shout out. Shout out to Wendy.

All right. Anything else? Instagram? Sunday Papers and FitzDog Radio are the two podcasts and Childish, and you can catch those on my YouTube page as well. All right, my brother. It was good to see you. All right, you too, man. Thanks. Bye, everybody. Bye.