#2186 - Ari Matti
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Okay, we're up now. So what were you guys talking shop about? What was the question you asked Jamie? Well, yeah, Jamie's going to run a train on me. I felt that there was some controversy. There was some tension. There was a little tension. When we had the lovely dinner after your show, we went at it a little bit. And we had a little disagreement about compression technologies, preamps, cloud lifters, you know.

What is your position? Well, my position is, well, okay. Hold on. He's coming from a different place though also. Okay. Yeah, very different. Let's just say financially we're coming from a very different place. But I try to use the Shure SM7B. We actually got

For my podcast, shout out. Here we are. It's Estonian. You're not going to. Well, what did you just shout out? It means it means direct translation is pussy munchers. It's my podcast. Oh, yeah. So is it in Estonian? Wow.

Do you think Spotify will translate it to English? Maybe you'll be the first that goes the opposite way. Bro, if AI translate this podcast, I'm fucked, you know? Oh. Yeah, yeah. Oh, take it down. See, this is the thing. They're going to do that. I know. Spotify is going to do that. But they don't get my charisma and timing down, though. No. Also, sense of humor, sarcasm. And when you translate things to English, you sound like a Nazi. I will be a Nazi.

That's the problem with satire and humor and what is, for lack of a better term, it's called talking shit, okay? And this is what we do on podcasts. This is what we do in the green room. This is what...

and my friends love to do all the time right we do that all the time we say things we don't mean because it's funny we say things are inappropriate because it's funny and it is 100% done with fun

And the problem is today people like to take things and pretend you're saying something when that's not what you're saying. Yeah, there's a funny comedian in Canada. He's an American who moved to Vancouver. He's Dino Archie. He used to say off the record talk. Right. It's shit talk. We're not saying things that we mean. We're saying things that are fun to say.

But what I was going to get to before we did is that the thing that Jamie told me about MSN, well, Tulsi Gabbard was the first person to tell me about it. So I was talking about how great Tulsi Gabbard is about if, you know, you really wanted a great Democratic candidate that was a woman, woman of color, congresswoman for eight years.

Served overseas in a medical unit twice. That's where she got that gray streak in her hair She's like an exemplary human being she likes my kill Tony bits on Instagram so and they tried to say that I was talking about Kamala Harris and

So they edited out of context. Dude, I've seen your edited videos with ads because- Yeah, there's a lot of AI ads that aren't really me. Because Estonia is in Eastern Europe and the Russian bot system in that country. It's crazy, right? Bro, it's crazy. I've seen fake podcasts where there's a guy on your podcast, which never has happened. Right. And the guy has a Shure SM7B. No.

Not this mic stand. Let's be honest. It's some shittier version and the backdrop is similar, but you can tell it's not that podcast. Right. But you can do amazing things now with AI. You know, you could do it with video editing for sure. Like you could just have a guy splice in him being in this chair, me being in that chair. And if you did it right and you spent your time on it, you could make it very convincing. And that's just the beginning, man. There's a podcast with me and Steve Jobs. I never met Steve Jobs.

I think it's 40 minutes long. How long is the podcast with me and Steve Jobs? It's a completely AI-generated podcast. It's just audio. But from what I've heard, you can kind of tell, but it's getting close. It's getting to the point where you're not going to be able to tell. You know, when you hear enough computer-generated sentences...

You're going to catch little glitches in the matrix. You know, it's going to sound a little off. But you can only catch those glitches in the matrix because you're a person who's also around technology, internet, so you kind of see the scam going on. It's not a super visible scam. It's like a, oh, I see it scam. Yeah. So how long is it? 20 minutes. 20 minutes. Okay. So it's just me. Let me hear some of it.

personality. They seem to have a soul in a way. And some people almost get religious about this stuff because it's so powerful and it means so much. Is that good? If a company gets to the point where it's successfully doing a few things, you don't have to try and do everything.

Well, that transition... Well, shit.

the environment that I'm talking in, the environment he's talking in. For sure. So either he's not in the room, which I don't do, I don't do Zoom calls. Those suck. Yeah. Or, you know, that's fake. Yeah. It's only two options. If an audio engineer just tweaked it for two minutes, they could make it sound so much better. Yeah.

- Oh yeah, yeah, you could 100% make it sound like we're in the same room, but they didn't. But this is also like how many months old? - Yeah, that was two years ago. - Oh, crazy. So what they have now is way better. It's way better. It's getting to the point where we're not gonna know.

For sure. We're not going to know what things are, what things are real. What you can generate... I'm sure you've seen the new Unreal Engine, the most complicated video game engine. What is it called? Engine 5? Is that what it's called? It's like, this is spooky. Yeah, for sure. It's so good, it's spooky. It looks like a damn movie, like a real movie. Like in Estonia, the movie industry is moving really well, and the government was financing for a while the building of like...

Like a movie fucking, I don't know, factory or like a whole, you know, like a production studio. Yes. Which could bring more revenue to the country. Great idea. Right. But some, it's been paused now and people are like, why isn't it making? But I know exactly why it's paused. Why? Because they're waiting to see how this AI thing plays out. Yeah. Because let's be honest, green screens and shit, that might be like fax machines, bro. Yeah. It might be like Morse code.

Yeah, exactly. And it happens like this. Well, you saw that Tyler Perry shut down the plans to build this enormous studio. He's going to build an $800 million production studio. And he saw Sora. Tyler Perry. He's the guy who does all those Maeda movies. He's got a bunch of TV series. I thought he's the extreme makeover guy. Move that bus. Remember that guy? That was my shit.

No, he plays a lady in a bunch of famous movies. Yeah, yeah, he's done it. Maeda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, point Maeda. Medea. Medea, that's right, sorry. Point is, obviously super successful dude and has this enormous, this is the Unreal 5 engine. He has this enormous production company that he's about to build and he goes...

He sees Sora and he's like, what? You guys can do this now? You got to see how that plays out. Dude, it's going to play out real strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because what you see already. So this is the video game.

This is hard. This looks pretty good. This is not as convincing as some of the other footage that I saw, the nighttime footage. There's something about daytime footage that looks a little clunky or a little better. Well, there's more reflections. Yeah. I went to Redman's place. This is pretty wild, though. And tried the AI for the first time in my life. Oh, nuts. Ah!

He was saying like he has a second life and they are happy with his girlfriend there and they're like living in a whole nother world there. Well, Red Band's slightly insane. I know, but the way he was describing to me, I imagined it's like the Neo where I put the thing in and I'm happy now.

But it was literally PlayStation 2 graphics. Whenever I want to nerd out about electronics, it's always Red Band. We always talk. We always talk about the newest phones or the newest this or this does that and that does this. He's just a techno nerd. Yeah. He loves that shit. And he's already giving up on this life because he knows VR is here. Dude.

That's such a red band move. Every time I tell him to eat something healthy. You know what? AI is taking over. I'm just going to get my brain teleported. Exactly. That's the ultimate leap, right? Imagine if they get to a point where they say we can download your brain into a computer, but you will cease to exist right here, right now. And you just have to assume that it's whatever consciousness is in your head is your life. And it's not.

Just a faction of that consciousness being in a very particular state in time. That consciousness being attached to this particular biological body in this particular place. Like, what makes you you? And if you take that shit out and stick it in a machine, what kind of horrific existence is that? What's screaming into the abyss, unattached from a body but trapped inside?

Trapped in a newly created computer dimension because you didn't you didn't get to go to heaven because you got trapped in

in a metal box. And maybe that's how the aliens contain souls. Maybe that's how they get them. Matrix was basically that whole... That's the thing. Get you to think that you can download your soul into a computer. Like, wait, I'm going to live forever. Going to download my soul into a computer. And what all you're doing is you're so smart that you're stupid enough to think that technology is capable of

Recreating you as a whole. Not just your consciousness. But what if your fingernails have memories, motherfucker? What if your whole... What if it all is a part of a system and disconnected from that system, your soul is just like...

Just separated from love forever. That was what I really liked in the Matrix franchise. Remember when they got out of the Matrix, they went to Zion? There was that scene where they were fucking, and then there was that scene where they were dancing, and the whole thing... Who's the fucking... Morpheus was explaining that, yeah, you're not feeling the things with your physical body in this Matrix world, you know? You're going through... It's just the synapses are firing in the machine. Mm-hmm.

And I remember, because I was like a teenager when I saw that movie. And I remember that scene when they were fucking. And I was like, oh, shit. See, that's the thing. If you download your brain into a system. And then they came back. The world was shitty. Remember how shitty Zion looked? Terrible. Terrible. No beaches. Like us in 50 years. And then they were eating. Remember that food? Everything the body needs. Remember that pulp? Yeah. But I remember when they did that dancing scene. I remember that, like,

like inspiring a thought where I'm like, huh, maybe even if there is a secondary fucking AI world that comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There'll be rebellion. See, that's what I'm saying. No, no question whatsoever. That's why I love when people go, is AI going to destroy stand-up comedy?

I always love to say that stand-up, luckily, is the art form that can comment on its own demise, kind of. You know? Like, even if AI creates the perfect act, the perfect ha-ha-ha laughs per minute, you're going to be able to comment on how fucked that is. Right. Yeah. 100%. And then, on top of that, what we're really doing is...

Is we're performing for live audiences. So how's AI going to do that? Yeah, absolutely. There's a thing that happens when you see a singer on stage. Someone's got an incredible voice and you see him sing. And that voice just echoes. Or someone like Gary Clark Jr. is playing guitar. Where you're in the room while they're hitting those keys. You're like, God damn!

And then there's the story. It's not even only the technique and the incredible voice. It's also the history of his experience. I remember when I was like 19, I worked at a jazz bar. Didn't know shit about jazz. I don't know shit about music. I don't know how to play. Do you know how to play anything? No, I don't know how to play anything. Literally, I don't know how to draw or play. And like my hands just don't work like that. I tried guitar. It just doesn't happen. Dudes are just...

And they're like, feel that. Nothing, this connection, nothing's happening. Interesting. But I remember working at that bar. There was like...

There's a famous Estonian guy who was performing like an unplugged. He was like a rock star and he was performing an unplugged version on the weekends, you know, and technically he sounded amazing. He was an amazing guitar player, but he was a young guy, maybe only five years older than me. Technically perfect from the traditional training, the school, he had all the things. And for me, that sounds amazing, right?

But then I remember we started having because it was turning. We had blues nights on Tuesdays and the owner would fly out from America like New Orleans. These 65 year old black dudes that live a rough life. You can see from their face, from the way they move. It's been a rough life. And the way they would sing, maybe technically it wouldn't be good.

sound as clean, but what you would feel, because I was bartending, and I would look at the audiences and I would see them also. You feel it. You can't explain. Dude, I don't know. Of course, later, when I got to be friends with some musicians there, they would explain. They would be like, no, no, no. That guy, the other guy was doing the basic ABC, he's doing a whole different shit right now. So it's something that only the people that really know how to play recognize. Like stand-up. But I feel it.

I think that's the case with everything, man. I really do. I think that's the case with everything. Everything. Especially art. I think everything that's a true form of expression. Even like chess. I think games people play. I think it exists in everything.

Because I even remember when there was, remember Pier to Pier before Torrance? It was Pier to Pier. Sure. What did you guys have? Kazaa, iMesh? What did we have? What was that one? Name them. Name them. We had them all. Kazaa, iMesh, LimeWire. What was the one that everybody used? We started off with Napster, and then we went into Kazaa, LimeWire, and Morpheus. Yeah, I remember the Napster days.

Metallica suit Napster you know oh yeah yeah Lars Ulrich was very upset yeah and so was I had Paul Stanley from Kiss on the podcast he was just flat out saying those people are stealing they're stealing money

You know, my position, it was very, I was like, okay, a bomb just went off. And you could either recognize you have a hole in the ship or you can go full steam ahead with the original plan and this motherfucker's going to sink. It's like that cartoon when Tom and Jerry, when he's trying to, the ship is sinking. The moment music becomes a digital piece of information that can be uploaded digitally

To a hard drive the moment that happens it's over so if you don't realize that the war has been lost and devised some sort of Monetization of streaming platform make it simpler quicker faster than anybody else's and Then get it up there quick because like that's they should have done at the moment Napster came out They should have hired like the best coders and said okay

There is no way you're stopping this. The dam broke, water's coming through, and record sales are gone. Record sales just went so quickly. Guys were making millions and millions of dollars from record sales, and then they'd go on tour.

But even live touring was on a down slope because you didn't need to do that that much. Record sales was the bag. Right. That's why Madonna went back on tour. I mean, I don't know this, but that's why. She probably also wanted to say what's up. For sure. Let bitches know. For sure. She's still around. For sure. But there's a lot of bands that went back on tour for that very reason. Uh-huh. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. Yeah. Their revenue dried up. Mm-hmm.

Which is crazy that one of the biggest entertainment businesses in the world lost all of its sales revenue from recordings. I mean, I don't know. It didn't lose all of it. I'm sure some people still buy some of them. But like the drop off must have been crazy. Crazy.

Because it was, remember, it was all like, it was like, you guys had not cassettes. What did you guys have? A-track. We had A-tracks first, and then we had cassettes, and then we had compact discs. Yeah, we only got cassettes. Then it was CDs. CDs.

So the format was always changing. And then it was the Blu-ray and the Microsoft, whatever format they had, battle. So there's always that battle of data. Then for a while, like USBs were tried, you know, when they would sell small USBs. But then just the internet was like physical. It was over. Isn't that crazy? And not only that, it's way better. Imagine if YouTube was just a bunch of disks that you had to get. Yeah.

Dude. How stupid that would be? But then again- That's a good example of how much things have changed is the fact that YouTube exists and that YouTube is not a stack of disks that you have to go to a library or a bookstore to get.

Yeah. YouTube just exists instantaneously. But then again, there was that magic of I feel lucky at least to have that childhood where I remember that my attention was actually not raped by technology that much. But I had to actually look forward to consuming something and work physical exertion to get it go to the DVD thing later.

You would read the back. You would look at the – it would put – there's a more maybe commitment to consumption. I think it's going to be very interesting when we look back on human beings and –

Think we're in the middle of it right now, so we probably don't really Objectively understand how much of an impact it's had on us because it's sort of trickled in slowly with just regular cell phones And then like remember those sidekicks people had the sidekick so you could send texts on it would go sideways remember We like wow that's crazy That was like next level and then blackberries if you were fucking serious if you're really getting some shit done answering some emails Yeah, I'm blackberry

And then when the iPhone came out, the whole game just fucking flipped on its head. And now all of a sudden everyone's connected to everyone everywhere and everyone's anxious and freaking out. And I think that we grew up before that. And I'm older than you by far, so I grew up way before. How old are you now? 32. Yeah, so I'm almost 57. And you're also like those very important years. That's the big transition years because it was a...

a series of factors that happened in my lifetime. Number one, answering machines. Like what the fuck? You could call someone and leave a message and you would come home and your answering machine light would be like a little dog. Like if the red light was going on, like oh, someone loves me, someone loves me. And you'd go listen to your messages. And then it got to a point where you could call your own phone and get your answering machine to play you your messages. That was next level shit, okay? Crazy technology, we couldn't believe it.

You get to see caller ID, who's calling you. And then you get to call them back, star 69, what's up? And then VHS tapes come along. Maybe not even and then. It was kind of along the same soup because it all happened while I was in high school. So while I was in high school, there was probably answering machines before I was in high school, but I was aware of them in high school, then caller ID, and then VHS tapes. All that happened. So now all of a sudden you could just get stuff.

and play it anytime you wanted to. So it changed like watching movies. You could pause it if you had to take a leak.

The whole thing changed. People started watching movies at home. Blockbuster became a giant thing. Nobody would have imagined Blockbuster's going to go bye-bye. Nobody. It was the thing. You go to Blockbuster on Friday night, you see what's the fucking latest movies. Oh, great. There's one left. Yeah, we had like a video planet. It was like the top five most making money fucking companies in the country. They were on an ice cube. They were on an ice cube and a hot piece of tea. That's what I'm always wondering is what is the industry right now that doesn't?

I think there's a lot of them. Oh, a lot. I don't think it's a. I think AI is going to fuck up this system that we have going for us. I think that's why. That's part of the reason why there's a lot of scrambling and clamoring for power right now. Because I think people have a real understanding at the highest level that it's only. We only have so much more time before.

this AI thing becomes one of the most enormous aspects of society and the power consumption that's gonna need is Astronomical it's crazy literally building nuclear power plants for these fucking things and they're going full throttle And we're headed towards whatever this is and no one knows and I think that's one of the reasons why I

governments are trying to crack down on social media and trying to control it and stop people from saying things and in the UK they're arresting people for saying certain things on they're trying to like stop this thing from overwhelming them and you can't it's gonna overwhelm all of us it's not just gonna overwhelm government it's gonna overwhelm civilization and

And it's going to happen in a bunch of stages just like it happened with us where we got caller ID, we got answering machines, we got VHS tapes, then we got computers, then we got online. And then we got 14.4, then we got 56K, and then you start seeing pictures show up. Like they download them nice and slow, and then people got cable. Oh, my God. You get cable internet? Yeah.

So people had cable internet where you could just like... Remember how many pixels porn used to have? Like how low... That was blurry as fuck. I remember I had a point when I was like, mom goes to store and you know how... You ask which store so you know how much time you got in the bank. Right.

And I remember like jacking off and halfway through the video, it's two dudes. I just didn't, the pixels, it was just such shitty quality. That's uncomfortable. It was just very, well. Didn't you know when they were both sucking each other's dicks that something was up? Yeah, when there was a kid. Where is the girl? When is she coming in?

But it was like in a sauna in the dark, and I saw the dudes like a hog hanging. Whoa. But he had a nice butt, and it all looked legit. Did you ever get flashed in a sauna by a dude? We only go naked. You know that, right? Oh, in your country? Of course. And if you have pants on, that's creepy, and that's weird. If you come with pants, we would have an issue. Really? Because it's weird. What are you hiding? What's the thing? My dick. Exactly. What's going on? Dude's just staring at my dick. I'd rather just get my underwear. We all stare at each other's dicks. I've seen... Good luck with that. Like in the green room.

In the green room comedians were talking about how many dicks they've seen in their lifetime and I remember they were saying like numbers. Bro, I've seen 16 to 22,000 dicks. Do you think that's healthy? Yeah.

Yeah, it's normal, you know? Normal shit. Normal shit. Just looking at dicks. And then sometimes I remember in high school we all showered together. There was always one weird kid that would not shower with us and you make fun of him, show me, you know, what's going on? Why didn't you show us your dick? That's weird.

That's funny. And then sometimes the shower would be a bit warm and you would get a little bit of a vein going there. Not good. You get a little bit of a 25%. Not good. And then you're lathering it down. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Trying to just fucking mentally just make it go away. Yeah. Naked dudes in saunas is an odd thing. I only feel comfortable when it's naked. There was a...

I used to be a member of 24 Hour Fitness in Woodland Hills, California. And the guy who was the manager there was this cool guy. I used to talk to him all the time, my friend Eddie. And I used to live there. And he was the former manager of the West Hollywood one. So he said, he goes, bro, the West Hollywood 24 Hour Fitness, he goes, it was basically like a gay hookup spot.

That's all it was. Like, these guys would just go ham. Just get after each other. Oh, yeah. And, like, you'd have to say, hey, don't do that. But it's like you've got guys who want to fuck guys hanging out, all working out together and getting sweaty with, like, guy mentality. You know, like, come on, let's do it here. Like, yeah, and they're doing it there. And there's all guys that are gay there. So they're like, what are you going to do?

And he was like, dude, it was crazy. He goes, I used to have to stop people from fucking in the sauna. The smell in the showers. I'm sure they don't do that anymore, folks. Yeah. I'm sure that's all been cleaned up. But back then, he was telling me it was bananas. I can imagine that 24 Fitness still existing and then this podcast coming out and there's just 800 gay dudes wearing fuck. They're like, Joe Rogan, can you stop saying this is the suck and fuck spot? Make sure it's the right gym. I don't want to...

I don't want to slander anyone. But, um...

There is a 24 Hour Fitness, right? Because I know there's another one. There's another gym like that. And I used to actually work out at a gym that was in a gay neighborhood. I used to have a bit about it. I used to work out at Gold's Gym on Cole. And it was in full-on West Hollywood, like super gay gym. But it was really close to the studio where we filmed news radio. So I just got a membership there. So I'd get off work and I'd go lift. And I'd just go lift with these hungry gay dudes. These dudes were hungry, man.

They're friendly. Nobody fucked with me. Nobody, like, no unwanted attention or anything like that. But I didn't take a lot of showers there. I remember there was an old guy at the gym. It was right in the middle of Santa Monica Boulevard. It's closed now. Oh, good. Okay, good, good, good. It's closed. Okay. So Gold's is the Gold's on Coal is the one I'm talking about. Yeah, that's the one that's not West Hollywood. It's like East Hollywood. Whatever it was, it was good.

But like men, you know, like big, hairy, muscular gay dudes looking for more of that. So it's like, yikes. Men, fucking men. Yeah, it's like a wounded gazelle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, excuse me, pardon me, just want to get to the river. I remember there was an older guy in my gym and that was the first time I also experienced where it's like,

It's an old guy, you know? I could fucking... I'm not threatened. Right. I'm not threatened. But the look he had in his... This episode is brought to you by Kitanica. Looking for indestructible outdoor gear that can handle anything you can throw at it? Look no further than Kitanica. Sold factory direct at Kitanica.com. They handcraft the toughest jackets, pants, shorts, flip flops,

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just made me feel vulnerable for, you know, it's weird. Because he wanted to penetrate you. Because men have a certain, and I remember then I started thinking, this was when I was like younger, and that was the first time I started thinking, oh shit, that's how women feel, plus the physical. Oh yeah. Like, that's like Brock Lesnar looking at you like, you know, that's like a,

You know, dude, I have had gay guys hit on me that I could kill and it made me uncomfortable. That guy like it just gets to this like, hey, you know, I'm not gay. So what are you doing? Exactly. You're just trying to make me uncomfortable. Exactly. And you get nervous. And this old guy would give me looks and I would just feel and it was the first time in my life. I'm just like, dude, I'm jacked. I'm doing fucking MMA, but I'm feeling vulnerable. And then one point in the shower.

This was like, you know when showers have the booths, you know, the separation booths? And it was me and him. So I go in the sauna. The gym is empty. I go in the sauna. I'm alone. And Dick's up. It's Dick Nation, you know. It's Estonia. So I'm in the sauna. I hear the shower door.

open and in my head I know you know in your head you're like there's other people at this gym but let me bet because I saw him looking at me I go let me bet and you know it he comes in he sees one towel up you know so there's somebody in the sauna right he comes to the sauna I wait for him to go to the showers first because I know if I go

the next booth over this guy's joining so he goes into the corner i picked the opposite corner and then at one point i'm showering and i just it's that human thing it's that human thing where you feel something is watch or something it's a tension and i look through the in all the other separation boots they had a small gap

That you can see through all of them. And he's got shampoo and he's going knuckles. Other end, I just see his one eye like this and his dick in his hand. He's not jacking off. He's just holding on to it. But something's going on. He's getting ready. He's warming up. He's showing you that he's got a dick. But then, and he had this look. Serious. Yeah. Angry.

And I'm leaving the gym and I'm passing. And I know the administrator girls working at the gym. I pass them. And in my head, I'm thinking, I just got like sexually assaulted, actually. No, that's not assault. Don't be a baby. Yeah, exactly. See? No, he made you feel creepy. Made me feel creepy. Yeah. So I feel, I can't keep this in. I turn around. I go to the administrator. I go, hey. And we're laughing about it. I go, this fucking old guy. And then we wait.

And he takes like 40 to 50 minutes to come out of that shower. See, what I think is he's shameful.

Oh, yeah. And he comes out. His face is red. He has a hoodie on. And he just ran out of the gym. Never came back. I think it just, that's that post-nut. Yeah. You know. Well, he probably is embarrassed that he did it again. You know? It's probably one of those things. He's probably been kicked out of gyms before. Like, he's got to exit strategy. Yeah. That's what he does. He's a shower jerker. Yeah.

Those exist. That's why I don't like walking around naked. Okay? Like, if you were a woman and you have your beautiful vagina and they're co-edged showers, would you really be comfortable washing your butthole and your vagina in front of a bunch of men? No, of course not. We are. Gay guys are real. And if your little booty hole and your little dick is out flopping around in front of them, to me, as a person who doesn't want any of that...

I would imagine that I would not enjoy watching someone stare at my Johnson who wants a

You know what I'm saying? Like, okay, that's... We don't need to think about that. But I think we have just culturally... Men think that way. That's why you can't have men in a room with naked girls. We did that. In our culture, we all... When I was a little kid, I saw grown pussy all the time. This is why your country's so fucked up. Because you...

You guys, you barely survived Viking Wars, and then what's left over, you know, you're just a bunch of fucking maniacal crazy people showing each other's pussies and dicks to each other. I feel like some things should be sacred. That's what I'm saying. Like, I have no problem with being around gay guys, but I don't think I should be showing them my cock. I don't think that's the right move. I also don't think ladies...

as comfortable as you are naked should be in a room full of men and just show your bare pussy that seems problematic it seems like it's going to cause issues for you like i wouldn't do that if i was you you know if you want to wear a bikini great everything's covered which is like

How funny is that? The bikini thing is hilarious. You know, that there's this little tiny little piece of cloth, little tiny little piece. Instagram, they have that little. Little Dorito. And you see, all I don't see is the actual episode, but.

By the way, I like it. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it. Please don't stop wearing them. I think they're great. I like G-strings. I like girls with beautiful bodies expressing themselves wearing whatever they want to wear. I'm just saying it's so different than shorts. Like if a dude wears Speedos, he's a freak.

Right a dude in speedos unless you're in your fucking country exactly dude in America and speedos is a weirdo some dude in speedos like as a weirdo if you have goggles on if you didn't come from a long-ass swim you fucking weirdo why you wearing speedos everybody wears shorts mm-hmm, but ladies that's for Christ that's Estonia every every step that every every man I've ever seen growing up. I've seen their dick. That's inflammation in its human form

That is true. That is an inflamed body. That's an inflamed body. I wouldn't recommend that. But that's what makes the G-string funnier, right? The speedos, that's what makes...

All of it funnier. But it's just, it's funny the difference between like, okay, women's formal attire, right? So not even formal, but like say a woman who's a presenter on television, right? Skirt, no problem. Bare toes, open-toed shoes, no problem at all. Have one of them ones that dangles off your foot a little bit, not all the way on? No one cares.

curtain that covers about 12 inches from your waist down. That's fine. Boobs pressed out together and pushed up and forward. No sleeves. No sleeves. Bare arms. As much skin as you could possibly get without being naked and to be dressed on television. And that's formal. Lipstick. They're always hot.

Painted nails, painted toenails. Yeah. Everything smooth and polished and shaved. That's fine. That's the news. This is totally fine. And that's formal, you know. Imagine if men in gym shorts and tank tops were giving the news how fucking stupid it would look. Imagine if, like...

All these people that you see on the news. Imagine Don Lemon in his boxer shorts with a tank top on, giving the news. Yeah. Well, that's kind of what a dress is. For sure. A dress with a skirt for those Fox News ladies. How is that different than me in these shorts that I'm wearing right now and a tank top? How is it different? It's just less threatening, maybe. Yeah.

And it's nice. It's nice. I don't want to discourage it. I just think how crazy is the difference between what men wear versus what women wear. We have a jacket on like it's cold out. We have a fucking vest and a tie and a shirt and all this shit. And women can essentially be almost naked. You only assume they have underwear on.

That might be a thrill if you don't have underwear on the news. Well, if she had underwear on, maybe you'd be able to see it through the garments on the outside. That would be terrible. That would ruin the look. Ruin the look? That would ruin it. No one's going to look at my pussy.

Have you ever had a girl like that? Did you go to a nightclub and they're not wearing underwear? I have not. I would imagine that's a wild lady. It's hot. Yes. I was one time dancing with a girl. And she told you? No, she grabbed my hand. We were holding. And she was, you know, walking through the dance floor. You know how chicks just fucking push people out of the way and pull you. And then we get to the dance floor and she just pulls my arm out. Where is this? And it's so...

Soaking. Damn. She's a wild one. Wild one. Viking babies. That's what that is. That's what it is. The survivors. And she was strong out there. Survivors. She was strong out there. Of the massacres. And she was living in Australia. She had one of those jeeps that has one of those fucking things up front that kills the kangaroos, you know? Whoa. Whoa.

We saw one of those in San Antonio, right in front of the truck, or in front of the production trucks. You see that fucking crazy thing that guy had? A kangaroo one, sir. Super tall. Over the top? Oh, because they're big. Because they're big. Oh, nice. It looks mad, Max. It looks like I'm up front. It looks crazy. And she had that Jeep. She had like horns. And then the balls hanging from the back, you know, the soft balls that they put in the back. They had that. And she was just a fucking wild one. Wow.

They had a kangaroo shield in the front of their vehicle. And this was like when I visited Australia and in my head I was like, kangaroos are like cutie patooties. But when you go to Australia, they'll tell them, like, we hate them. Because they just keep jumping in front of cars. Well, they're everywhere now, too. They're fucking everywhere. They have a lot of kangaroos.

It's a weird animal, man. It's marsupial. Like, it's so strange. They have a pouch. They keep their babies in their skin. How'd they develop a backpack? It is the insanest evolutionary. A little pouch. How? A bag. How does that... I mean, how does nature make you get a bag? That's so crazy. Yeah.

It's like one of the, out of all the animals, they're like, where the fuck did that come from? Like, if you look at a deer and then you look at an elk, you go, oh, I kind of see. You look at a moose, you look at a caribou, you're like, oh, I can kind of see. And they're like, what's that? And why is it only in this one spot? And why does it jump like? Yo, is that an alien? What is that thing? Yeah. Why did it develop on Australia and nowhere else? What the fuck is that thing?

And how come there's nothing that can kill it? And how come you stand on your tail and do like a Steve-O kick? And kick you. And do like a Steve-O kick. They kick you hard. Yeah. They fuck you up. They disembowel people, man. You got to be really careful with those fuckers. Oh, and they're... People die from the big ones. Are the big ones the gray ones? That the gray ones are the big one or the red one?

Eddie Ift went over there and he said he was walking through a backyard and there was like a six foot tall kangaroo. Jesus fucking Christ. He thought it was fake. He thought it was fake. He didn't know what it was. And his friend was screaming at him, get, turn around, get the fuck away from it. Jesus Christ. The red kangaroo. That's the big one? Yeah. Dude, more soupy. That sounds like a fucking alien too. 100 pounds.

So you gotta think, a 100-pound thing that could run 43 miles an hour and it could probably strangle you. Like those ones that are jacked. You ever see them when they choke out dogs and shit? Of course, dude. Look at the fucking muscles on that thing. Of course, dude. What a freaky animal to have all over the place.

But it just looks- look at that one. I've seen all those pictures by the way. That's one that went to my gym. That's Goldberg. Look at that dude. This guy is just chillin'. Flaunting giant muscles. Look at the fucking guns on that dude. What's up, player? What's up? You imagine getting in a scratching match with that thing with its giant claws? No, no, you're done. I mean- But they'll fuck you up, man. They're dangerous.

And they're all over the place. But that was my question. Like, what was supposed to be killing them? Because there's no, like, infestations of wild animals like that unless something disrupts the ecosystem. Huh. You know, because you don't usually... Usually there's a balance, right? Like, there's always going to be a balance between wolves and antelope or wolves and bears and wolves and deer because...

They're going to figure out who wins. And if the wolves kill off too many of the deer, then their population is going to drop. They're going to run out of food and there's going to be like some sort of consequences. And then their population drops down and then the deer population comes back a little bit. Nature has a way of balancing itself out in most environments until human beings survive.

step in and start fucking with things. So my question is like, what happened over in Australia that that thing, that one crazy animal becomes like hordes of them, swarms of them. Like do you see, show some of those videos of the swarms of kangaroos just running. So these people are in their car and you see just like, I don't even know what the number is. And they're fast. They're fast, but it's also like, why are there so many of them? In any environment where there's something like this, there'd be something bigger that eats it.

In every environment, there'd be a bear, there'd be something. I guess Australia has crocodiles, but I don't think they're doing such a good job of...

Killing these things. Yeah, I'm not sure predators are just like dog like animals. Oh, maybe the thylacine What the fuck is that? Okay, the Tasmanian tiger that was extinct That's that's a native of Australia as well that they have that in Australia But they should have to shoot so many kangaroos. Where's that Jamie? That's me and wolf and a dingo and a wedge-tailed eagle Okay, so the humans probably killed all those animals. Oh

The humans probably killed all the dingoes. What was the other animal? Wedgetailed eagle. Makes sense. That's probably exactly what it is. So the thylacine was Australia, though, right? It says Tasmania. I just typed in marsupial natural predators, and Tasmanian wolf is the first one listed. Thylacine? Tasmanian wolf. Yeah, but the thylacine, the Tasmanian tiger. And then, yeah, it says Tasmanian tiger before they were extinct, and also humans. Was that ever in Australia, or am I making that up? I feel like that's in Australia. Yeah.

I mean, it definitely wasn't the movies as far as I know. Right. There's a good movie about a guy who goes to kill it because they're trying to find it, the last dialogue scene. Huh. What the fuck is it? Willem Dafoe. Huh. It's a good movie. Yeah. It is in Australia. Native to Australia. Right. Okay. So there was that thing. You ever seen one? They're freaky looking. Yeah.

Show the video of the last known living thylacine. I thought thylacine was in Alpha Brass. That's a thylacine. Look at the mouth on that fucking thing. Look how big its mouth is. Isn't that insane? It's like a horror movie. Look at its fucking mouth. Have you saw that thing opening its face at you? It's a dog with a stripe and shit? Yeah. It looks like a tiger. It's a weird marsupial, in fact. Rare photos of the last...

I'm pretty sure they're marsupial as well. So they think that thing might be still alive. There might be limited numbers of them. Well, this isn't a Tasmanian. That's not real. Oh, this is in color. Oh, they colorized it. Because I think the film is from like the 1930s. But this is the last one. And look, they have it in a fucking box, man. God, zoos creep me out.

We just get so comfortable with torturing some animal mentally. I understand, but can you bitches afford a larger piece of land, goddammit? Dude, this concrete fucking... That's crazy. At the last of these things alive and you make it suffer in a small box with no pillow. There's nothing in there. I'm not a big true guy either. I hate those. Even as a kid, I remember, like, I just didn't...

Yeah. I remember like, yeah, even just seeing, I remember seeing like a hippo in a zoo and all he has is a small, it's an Estonian zoo too. Yeah. And it's a small, like just a, just a dribble of water on his head. And he would just, just cause they're all drugged out and they, and they would just do this, like just,

Because also, you know, the animal doesn't know. Dude, I was in Massachusetts once and I was on my way home from, it was when I was driving limos and I was coming down this highway and I saw this really rinky-dink zoo.

I think I was coming from New Hampshire. I don't really remember, but I remember it was a long drive, and I had the rest of the day off. So I said, fuck it. I'm going to go in this zoo and see what the fuck is going on in this zoo just for funsies because I was out there. And I saw this polar bear. I'll never forget this dude just pacing, just pacing, just pacing. And I was like, oh, my God, he's in hell. It's a horrible thing to watch, man.

It's a horrible thing to watch because, like, that's a sentient being that's experiencing a very bizarre and prolonged suffering. Very. And a disconnection from its kind. There's no other bear with it. It's just by itself. By itself in this cement thing and while people stare at it. Something that would never happen in the world.

He doesn't know what the fuck is happening because it's the wrong climate. Everything's wrong. And he's like, why is my shit all so shitty? Yeah. But he doesn't even know that he's in a totally wrong... He probably is happy in Boston for like five months a year or four months a year. But even then, it's probably not cold enough for him. I mean, those fuckers, they're used to living in places where there's nothing but ice. But it's also like that thing of like they say that, oh, yeah, but if you let him go, he would die. But that's also because you just...

Well, you shouldn't have them in the first place. That's the matrix, the real world thing again, that animals also will have that thing where they're... If they're in the wild, I'm sure it's exactly like being in that matrix where in the zoo, yeah, you have all your food, all the stimulus, you're alive. Yeah. But it's that you got to get that stimulus. You're created to struggle, to hunt, to fucking...

Right. Which is, I mean, there's a lot of similarities in human beings. Absolutely. There's a lot of people that are zoo animals. It's like when you go to nature. Yeah. Like in Austin, because I do so much comedy, I'm also, I'm into cycling now. And sometimes I'll cycle out of the city. But every two weeks I have enough energy to do like a long cycle. And when I get to complete, that's why I love Estonia too. It's silence in the woods that you have. And you just feel...

Because that's where for thousands of years we've been there. You know, that's where we've been in that silence. Yeah. With no... And then you just feel rejuvenated immediately. You know, I love the sea. I love the ocean. I love woods. I've always been a big...

And that's the same feeling you get, you know? It's just you feel it in your blood. Something's fucking... It's raw. Yeah, you're alive. It's uncomfortable, but it's raw. Yeah. Of course I want to be on Twitter in my farting and ordering Uber Eats. Of course I want to do that. That's the matrix. That's the zoo. That's the matrix. It's the human zoo animal. And of course outside is a fucking mosquito. There's a guy. Yeah. There's whatever, you know? There's fucking... You hear some fucking...

Animal, you don't know. I'm scared of fucking spiders, everything. When the bomb goes off, you hear the first recoil. You're out there when you hear it. Yeah. Then your feet start vibrating. Yeah. Boom. They took Chicago. Boom. Jesus Christ. Yeah. That's what we have to look forward to, the way this fucking goofy place is being run. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

They're pushing us closer and closer to like something real. So my luck that as soon as I come to America, the fucking country collapses, huh? It's not collapsing, but boy, it's in a weird state of this strange struggle where people kind of forgot we're all supposed to be united and that's our strength and being divided the way we're being divided, especially being divided by bullshit. You know, like you shouldn't be allowed to lie, right?

And you shouldn't be allowed to lie in a campaign ad and you should you should you shouldn't be allowed to use CGI to make your crowds look bigger like you shouldn't be allowed you shouldn't be allowed to do any of these things and We're allowing it and it's having this tremendous impact on the way people see the news the news is so filtered everything in this country

that's in mainstream news, you have to follow a certain set of rules in order to be able to get information out.

And if you want to talk about the campaigns and if you want to talk about the war and if you want to talk about what's going on in Ukraine and what's going on in Gaza, you have to have very specific narratives. And you're not allowed to deviate from that at all. And then that's what's giving you the news. And so we're all like, what the fuck is real? And so anytime anything happens, even when the president gets shot, we're like, was that even real? We don't think anything's real anymore. And that's what primes us for The Matrix.

When no one knows what anything's real anymore, it's so much easier to just slide right in, Ari. Mm-hmm. Slide right in, Ari, and fuck the world, dude. I'm in a secure apartment complex. It's level five security. There's bank vault doors that lock to make sure the marauders don't get in while you're connected. Mm-hmm. And you can just be free in this other world and ride around on your dragon on Pandora. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. You know, you're fucking that blue lady with the hair. Mm-hmm.

Remember they connected hairs with the dragon? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's what's going to happen. And we're going to give into it because we're making this world such a goddamn mess by not paying attention to what we're doing. Not paying attention to the really important things. Like, don't let corporations tell you what's true. They're not going to tell you what's true if they don't have to. If they can get away with not telling you, if they make more money if they don't tell you.

You can't have that. That's not how you get your news. You can't have that because it's just too easy to manipulate. So easy to manipulate. You know, insider's trading is illegal, but that's legal? That's legal? You can manipulate the news? Like what? You can have certain companies can advertise on the news and then you'll never criticize those companies? That seems weird. That seems weird. Yeah.

Yeah, somebody was explaining how, isn't it crazy that how any politician that wants to get elected never mentions tobacco, alcohol, like never the... Right. Because of the back. Yeah. You can't mention that shit. Which is crazy. You can kind of mention cigarettes because people are so stupid they're going to smoke them anyway. It's just like you can kind of get away with it. We should... Cigarettes are terrible. No one should smoke. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. As soon as they could figure out like a spray, like an inhaler that completely cleans your... They did outlaw those though. Excuse me? They outlawed those a long time ago, which is weird. Outlawed what? Cigarette ads. Or like, sorry, commercials. Yeah, yeah. On TV and radio. Do they still have them on the internet? We haven't had tobacco or alcohol commercials for like 10 years now. They used to only be in magazines. And then your cigarette packs are so cool. It's like a throwback to my childhood because it's like the red...

beautiful marble design in Europe and in Australia and everywhere you know they have like the cancer on it and you have photos of like tumors and shit dead baby premature babies lung black lung I'd like to see what else those people were doing 100% 100% they're blaming it on cigarettes that guy is probably all fucked up in a lot of different ways yeah 100% but

Being you can criticize tobacco and no one really cares because people gonna keep smoking as long as it's legal It's like alcohol people are not gonna stop drinking shut up. They're not gonna they want to drink They're having out with friends have a cocktail clink salutes, you know Congratulations. Yay clink glasses. They're got people like doing that They're not gonna stop and part of the dog all the shit you part of the excitement of the clink is the fact that it's back Come on

That's the... It's part of the fun. Yeah, it's part of the fun. It's a little bit. Absolutely. It's a little bit of let's have fun. Yeah. And, you know, it's a good feeling when you're with friends and you have a couple of cocktails and you're laughing your ass off like...

It's a good feeling, but you shouldn't do it every goddamn day. It shouldn't be your whole life. You shouldn't be drinking 12 hours a day every day. But that's why it's so exciting is that life is not infinite and you do take those small risks and that's what's so exciting. Also, people that do drink 20 hours a day, those people...

In your life, in your journey, those people are examples where you can learn something without having to actually do it yourself. Like you don't have to become an alcoholic and ruin your life, but you can see someone do it and say, okay. My stepdad was a bad one. Bad. One of those were in the mornings. Because your system is...

You know, your system is done. In the mornings in the bathroom, he would take two to three hours of like shitting, the shitting, and then just heaving, you know, because your body is just rejecting all this poison. Oh, God. So you hear him throw up every day? Every day. Oh, my God. And the violent, you know, there's no throw up left, but it's just the heaving. Oh, God.

And then put on a suit, put on a suit, bloated as fuck, put on a suit, all happy puppy, survive for eight hours. And then he would, I remember he would come home and I said, child,

He would come home and he would be in the car and just sit there in his car. And I would see him sit there. And as a child, you're like, oh, he's just taking a moment maybe. You don't understand that this guy is barely keeping it together because he's about to go down a rabbit hole. And he's fighting the rabbit hole every day. He's just like, I don't want to...

And then if you're drinking all the time, you're always tired. Small vodka bottles, small vodka bottles all the time. Get them quick. Like little airline ones? Yeah, and his hands, you know, when the sobriety starts coming. Ooh, it's a sketchy disease. It was bad. It was bad, yeah. But as a child, you're like, oh, my God, I never want to do that. But when you start getting old. Was he ever happy when he was drunk?

There was a tipping point. The way to become happy? No, it was like...

The first drink is always happy because your addiction is giving you all green lights right when you have an addiction the first hit of that substance right all your body's saying is less all It's all green lights baby. This is the night. This is the night. Yes Let's fucking go because it's whiskey. It's your addiction. Yeah, let's fucking rock and roll But then

You know, as a child growing up in that environment, there would always be that point where you see him on the couch and that look, you know. An alcoholic's look is, you know, the detachment of the soul. Yeah. It's a dangerous look. Then it's time for you to go to your room, you know, and just fucking hang out there and wait for the storm to pass, you know. Yeah. And it's like...

And it was like yeah, there was always that point. I was like, it's such a creepy fucking and when you're a child You're like, oh don't do that But when you start getting older you also feel like start feeling empathetic of like, you know I don't know the life he lived as well, you know substance abuse always works with trauma really well They go hand to hand so this guy's childhood, you know, the more which is true Which is true because I hated him. I fucking hate he was uh, you know, I

If he's drinking heavily, it also could be like family influenced. See, that's what I found out later. You lose your own behavior when you're young. Absolutely. That's what I found out later that he was in a... I thought I'm in a dark spot when he's home, you know. I had some friends that became alcoholics that didn't necessarily have childhood trauma as much as they had childhood influence.

And then friends that kind of all went down a bad road. And they were all like doing hard drugs and drinking a lot. It just becomes a part of the culture of your little community if you're hanging with a group of people that just likes to get fucked up all the time. I've seen it suck good people in. Like everybody wants to say that there's like some sort of a reason why you get sucked into it. I have had friends that have...

Nothing wrong in their life. They're happy people and they take oxys and they don't want to stop taking them Jesus they get injured something happens. They take them. They don't want to stop. They feel good They don't want to stop and essentially oxycodone. We weren't learned this recently is What Hitler was taking during the war they were giving him a form of oxycodone We had this gentleman on the podcast the other day that was his name again. Oh

Book's right in front of you. Oh, here it is. Norman Oler. Norman, sorry, Norman. Norman Oler. This is all about Hitler's drug use during World War II. But he was talking about that video, and he didn't think that video was real. I was like, why do you think that? Because he had a direct...

like a line of history between when Hitler gets introduced to this one doctor and the drugs this doctor's giving him. And that's the Olympic Games one. Yeah, so that's 36. That should be before all that stuff happened in Hitler's time.

In his mind. But I'm of the opinion that Hitler, if you can get him to go on oxycodone a year from now, he's probably trying some shit that he didn't tell you about. That's what I would imagine. So the doctor, he's getting notes from the doctor who treated Hitler. How the fuck do we know how honest Hitler was with that doctor? He was probably already taking a bunch of shit. They already knew stuff was real. And when you're a leader, you don't want any of that information out there, you know, that you're a fucking.

Also, there was zero stigma when they first created meth. Oh, amphetamines. Yeah, and Norman was showing us this... What was it called? Pervidin? Is that the right name? So they had a literal brand of methamphetamine that they would sell in Germany. There's those commercials, you know? Those German commercials. I've seen those. It's fucking crazy. They were all taking meth for productivity. They were taking a low dose of meth, and they were giving it to the soldiers. So his...

this Blitz book is insane because it's a story about how the Nazis were jacked up on meth and they just went all the way through Poland in three days and that they just never slept. They just kept marching. I used to have a bit that, you know, while Germany was testing with meth, you guys in America were testing with LSD and I would have loved to see those two armies meet.

By the way, no, that's another part of his thing. The Nazis were testing with LSD as well. They were running tests on the prisoner. This episode is brought to you by Moe's Southwest Grill. Moe's has a huge variety of fresh ingredients and bold flavors that allow you to endlessly customize your burrito, bowl, or even try something adventurous like their stacks.

full of steak or chicken. Don't forget to add a cup of their famous queso, made with three cheeses and diced jalapenos, or try all their free salsas from mild to spicy hot. Chips come free with every meal, so go ahead and treat yourself. Stop by any of your Moe's Southwest Grill locations today, and welcome to Moe's. They were running tests on concentration camp prisoners. Yeah.

Yeah, the test never came to fulfillment because the prison camps got liberated, but they were doing it. So they had record of them doing that with LSD. But meth is the perfect war drug if you think of it. You just fucking get amped up and jump into a ditch with a bayonet.

Right. You're going to go, you need some meth to have a bayonet. 100%. 100%. That's the right drug for a good soldier. Yeah. At the front of the line. And they had different dosages for different people. So if someone was in a tank, they get the most, they get the most meth because they're fucking, let's fucking go. That's the front of the line, you know? They're the ones that are going to get attacked first. So they have to be the most methed up.

Who you put on LSD, the guy who plans the attack or something? Do you know that in, was it Iraq or Afghanistan where soldiers were listening to like death metal while they were operating tanks? Have you ever seen videos of dudes like operating from inside of tanks? It's death metal. That's going to be the craziest job the world has ever known. You're in a giant metal box and you're moving it towards war and you're hoping that thing doesn't break.

You hope it doesn't break and leave you out there. You're hoping that when it gets shot at or who knows, the transmission fails, and then you're out there in enemy territory while they're shooting missiles at you.

I've always thought that because the Germans were the first ones with a tank with a panzer, right? That was correct, right? I don't know. I think so. I think so. And I remember always thinking like imagine like being like a Russian soldier or something and you're with like a bolt action rifle. And you see that fucking tank. But you hear a crack, crack, crack. You don't even know what the fuck that is. Yeah. And you're like a car. But then you see and do that feeling.

Clunk! Nothing. Cluck, cluck. Clunk! Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A tank. A tank. What an insane idea. It's basically what the scene is from Walk by the Western Front. It's pretty fucking badass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a great time to watch it because we're doing a podcast, but... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, exactly. This is the first time they see the tank. Look at this. Oh, fuck. Look at this. Imagine. You can't stop them. It's literally like seeing a transformer right now. Like if you would see...

This is nuts. And nobody told you. It's a good movie to watch. Yeah, nobody. I'll watch it. It's an amazing movie. I heard it's awesome. That's the new one, right? It's different from the book slightly, but it's still a good story. Yeah, well, I'm sure. There's no happy war movies. That's how you know no movie's bullshit. Some American ones are fucking awesome. Black Rock, Hot Down, Jarhead. Those are all fucking amazing, dude. The Pink Mist. Missing in Action.

Chuck Norris. Really? Yeah. Goes back to Vietnam, brings people back. Throws some karate kicks in the jungle with cowboy boots on. American movies made war seem the coolest shit ever. Not always. Saving Private Ryan certainly didn't. Yeah, fair. Full Metal Jacket certainly didn't.

Yeah. That's my favorite. That is a good one. I haven't watched that in a while. That's my favorite out of all the war movies. I was too young when I saw it. The apocalypse now. Here it is. This is missing in action. Chuck D'Arcy's... What is he...

He's riding around on an inflatable fucking thing. See, this is the America I grew up in. Look, they're all shooting at him. Bitch, you can't hit him. He's Chuck Norris. And so they just spit it out. I love that it's a boat and they're shooting at a boat and nothing happens. It's a rubber boat. They can't even come close to hitting him. And then they go chase after him. Guess what's going to happen? Well, I'll tell you right now. Chuck Norris is going to fuck them up because he's Chuck Norris.

So funny. Oh my God. He jumps in like Aquaman. What the fuck? A machine gun? Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. Bitch, he didn't get Chuck Norris. I mean, these movies are amazing. Amazing. They're amazing because they're like almost like you're watching a cartoon, you know, but then you can get

Like, Full Metal Jacket, which is... That's an intense... That's a totally different experience. Like, that's war, I think, in a much more realistic light. For sure. What those people experienced. Yeah, for sure. Can you imagine being a fucking kid back in the 60s when you didn't really have...

any way of knowing what the fuck was actually going on in Vietnam. And also, yeah, they're saying that the fucking end of the world's coming and you're on the last frontier. You know, you have no way to check it. And even questioning it would be in bad taste, you know? Yeah, you're not supposed to. And the people are labeled traitors like Muhammad Ali.

That is true. They send you over there. That the American troop. Oh, yeah. That's a crazy. Bro, D'Onofrio killed this. I saw this too young. I saw this too young because I didn't quite get it, you know. You should watch it again. Yeah, I have to. It's fucking great. It's fucking dark. I remember that scene when he was in the bathroom before he shot himself in the face. And he put his toe through the fucking rifle. Oh, my God. Yeah. That is true that the American troops were much more...

Because you've never been invaded. So at least our trauma that we heard from grandfathers and shit, which was about like, it was almost a heroic thing of standing up for your country. Whereas American, maybe it's kind of like, why are you going there? You know, and that trauma must be bad when you're coming back because they told you that it's, you know, they're fucking...

You have to save the world, basically. Well, they were telling them that they had to fight the communists. And they told them that the communist North Korea had attacked a boat, an American boat. That never happened. The Gulf of Tonkin incident. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just made up this story. So they made up this propaganda bullshit and they created a false flag. And through that...

They justified us going into war. And it went on for a long fucking time. And it didn't make any sense. And no one today thinks it made any sense. No one today thinks it makes a good idea. Or it was a good idea, rather. Unless you're some insane war lover.

Anybody look at Vietnam? Well, Vietnam overall is a net positive because here's what we got out of Vietnam. This is what came out of that war. Okay, first of all, the culture shifted. That's how it needed to happen. You couldn't even come up with justifications. Why would we go into this country and firebomb them and spray Agent Orange and who knows how many people come home with fucking cancer because you used a deforestation technique that's like this.

horrific chemical. It kills people. Crazy. It's nuts. It's nuts. And they did it because people back then didn't have any access to information. There was no way to know. There was no expose showing that

you know, this is not a real attack. There's no reason for us to be over there. There's other things involved here that's causing people to want to send U.S. troops to Vietnam, and probably none of them good for you. Like, you really, as a United States citizen... That's what I'm saying. ...best served...

The world be best served with you right here. Well, 100%. 100%. You need to go over there and firebomb a village because someone told you to. You don't need to go over there and fucking climb into a tunnel and go and try to fight some Viet Cong guy in there. This is insane. Why are you there? Makes no sense. But they trick people. And they did it for a long-ass time. It went on for years. And so the fact that they can still pull it off today, that they can still... I mean, who knows...

Like what we're going to look back on like we look at the Gulf of Tonkin incident or what we're going to look back on and realize that it had been manipulated. So the event was real, but the event was caused by a series of moves behind the scenes to ensure that war takes place. And there's so much complication when it comes to these things because there's so much money being thrown around. Yeah. And then at least today we –

have other outlets for information at least today you can kind of get a sense of how things are true or not true based on really intelligent people that you know that are online that are talking about them and you go no it's actually this like with that female boxer like that was a big one right where everybody's like okay what is going on yeah is that a female is that a male is

is that someone has XY chromosomes. - I saw that information that it was the XY thing early, but it was just the levine of that it's a man just came a bit too strong. 'Cause the both information came out pretty much, I would, in my sources, I would say I saw similar time where it was like, oh, it's a man, but then you just open another scroll a bit more.

And then you see the XY chromosome thingy. And then you're like, okay, but just the levine of that institute came on a bit strong. Well, the XY chromosome is male. Yeah, yeah. It's that male. Yeah. But the definition of like was because I think the first reaction was that it's a man transitioning to a woman. Right. That's what people thought initially. And then they realized, no, this is someone who has a genetic issue. But the...

there was another, there's a boxing committee that had, I'm going to send you this Jamie, because this kind of makes it all make like a little bit more sense, but it was essentially that, um, there's, there's different versions of these kinds of diseases that people have. And depending on those versions, some of them, they're just, they're, they go through male puberty and they have male frames and they're male, but,

When they're born, they have significant issues. OK, so here it is. I found it and I'll send it to you, Jamie. But it's European vice president of the World Boxing Organization has come forward to confirm that Algerian boxer and main cliff is male. This person said he warned the Olympic Committee about several male boxers in the women's category, but nothing was done. Who knows?

you know i don't i i don't have any direct information about whether that is a male or female let's just say that one two slaps the one two's not bad but also that person's lost before yeah um to female boxers but here's the thing but that doesn't that doesn't mean that doesn't mean like there's a lot of girls out there boys that can kick your ass exactly there are you know get in the ring with a man of nunez good luck

She'll fuck you up. And she's a woman, right? There's women that are really, really good. And this person might not be that good, but it seems like they went through male puberty, which should exclude you from competing as a woman.

They look male, they have male frame, they have XY chromosome. You're being told that you're a bigot for looking at very obvious, what we have always considered biological representations, right? What is it in biology when something is a male human being? Do they have an XX chromosome or do they have an XY? They say, well, they have an XY. Well, we know that.

But saying that makes you a bigot, which is insanity. As a sports commissioner, that's very black and white for me, at least a chromosomal issue. Well, that's what the enhanced game system is about doing. As a human, I do feel empathetic towards her. It's a bit of a pickle. Yeah, but I don't necessarily know if that's a her. This is the problem. What they're saying, it's a male with a sexually...

some developmental disease that they, or developmental issue, some genetic anomaly, something that happens to them. But they're going, they have testes and they go through male puberty and they don't have the ability to get pregnant. Yeah. I don't even know if they have ovaries. Do they have ovaries? In this situation, I don't think they have eggs. I'm reading a version that CBS Sports put out where they talked to the International Olympics Committee and the

They're saying these tests are not legitimate tests. Yeah, I was gonna bring this up too. They were saying that some people think that it's because the Soviets did them, they don't trust them. So the International Olympic Committee spokesperson Mark Adams said in a press conference on Sunday, "The tests themselves, the process of the tests and the ad hoc nature of the tests are not legitimate. The testing, the method of the testing, the idea of the testing, which happened kind of overnight, none of it is legitimate and this does not deserve any response." Okay.

That's by saying it's not legitimate is a very weird thing. I had read it came up after this event where she beat an undefeated boxer and then people got mad. Right. But did this person, let's Google this then, did this person, this boxer, did they take a chromosome test?

Did you see that article? This article says that originally the test was kept confidential. Did not undergo a testosterone examination, but were subject to a separate and recognized test whereby the specifics remained confidential. Then the next day, or like Monday, I don't know how many days later that was, then they came out and said something different.

These testings show they have a high level of testosterone. Kremlev said, like men. They have men's level of testosterone. We cannot go further in our investigation. Whether they were born like men or some changers intervened at the later stages. And then that's where the IOC said what you read earlier, where these tests are not legitimate.

Right, right, but they're not saying why they're not legitimate This is what gives me pause when they just keep saying it's not legitimate the ad hoc nature of the tests are not legitimate You have to say when you're talking about a scientific

There's some test that's repeatable, right? So if you can test for XY chromosome versus XX chromosome, do it. Tell me what the results are. If you can test for testosterone, do it. Tell me what the results are. And if one says male, says XY, and the other one says high levels of testosterone, that's not a woman.

Sports-wise, yeah. Sports-wise. Yeah. They want to slap with those shoulders. But it's also, it's like, what are we doing? Like, why do we have women's sports in the first place if you let... I mean, you could say that some people have a genetic anomaly, like that woman, she had XY, right? She was like a legitimate hermaphrodite, I believe.

Testosterone levels, not XY chromosome, which is the pattern typically seen in men, are the key criteria of eligibility in Olympic events where the sports governing body has framed and approved rules. That's interesting. But it's the same thing when totally, I mean, genetical women start doing steroids. That's the whole thing about women's sports is the big problem. I remember like- Once they do it, they change their frame. I'm not making accusations, but Chris Cyborg, I remember, was a- Wait, what are you saying?

It was a big thing in Strikeforce where it was the first time I saw where I was like, this is a big loophole in women's sports right now, especially combat sports because it's about doing actually physical damage. 100%. It's very visibly...

seen the difference. It's very, in other sports where it's reaction time and whatever, tennis or whatever, you might make the, you might make the argument of like, just get better at the technique, you know? But in combat, it's very visible because it's not only about the body and whatever. It's literally people who are on testosterone has been proven harder to KO because you just ramped up. Yeah.

testosterone it's literally like the goat particle in the sense of fucking sports they've stopped some fighters from fighting because they tested so high absolutely they're like get out of here these fucking guys yeah I remember it was who failed I remember it was Chelson and Alistair Overeem they used to fail tests where it was like like the number it's like

There's the rage of 18 men coming at you right now. Well, that's Vitor Belfort in his prime, right? Oh. The TRT Vitor days. I only could beat him in Brazil. I want to be home. Oh, sure. Like a demon, he would come at you. Like a demon. Yeah. He would have those videos where he was like on an elliptical machine. The thing about this, too, it's like if they're saying they're testing for testosterone levels, how often are you doing that? Because guess what? It's easy to make your testosterone levels crash. Oh.

Real easy. Well, the whole thing is always that it's... That has things. Yeah. You can... It's like pirating. Right. They're always a step ahead. They're always. But all you have to do to kill your testosterone levels are drink alcohol, eat shitty food, and don't get any sleep. Or just fucking live in the mountains of Dagestan and hope the connection flight is a bit late. That's...

Dude. That's the ultimate conspiracy theory. Oh, very interesting that you went to a training camp. Yeah, they're the best wrestlers. Huh? Very interesting. Well, they are the best wrestlers. True, but... Jacked. Yeah. So, is that what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I would imagine that if they knew for a fact that you couldn't get to the North Pole to do a drug test... Yeah. There'd be a fucking MMA camp on the North Pole. Yeah. Yeah.

Also, I went to a camp in Thailand back in the day, and I remember over there it was like not even a secret. Really? I go to that camp, and it's like American fighters would be there. And everybody would know that that's why they're doing it? No, no, no, not everybody would know. They would be like, fucking who? It would be like handing out shots at a bar. Who wants the syringe? You know, what are we doing? And there's not, dude, these are all retards that are smoking joints and sparring. There's nobody doing like, we need to do... It's like, nah, fucking give me...

What you got. And are these people like pros? Semi-pro. You know, you live in a Honda Civic and every once in a while you move back to your parents' place because it's the struggle. Fighting's hard. Fighting's really hard, brother. It's hard, dude. So you, so people don't know you, you...

When did you start doing stand-up comedy? Were you fighting at the same time you were doing stand-up comedy? Did they overlap? There was a transitionary period. And I started... Okay, so this is my martial arts history. Of course, as I mentioned, I had a stepdad who was fucking crazy. So there was that insecurity. You know, there's that thing of like... I'm not saying that...

having a father who's maybe violent towards your mother is a bit better. But I think there's a bit of a more evolutionary connection that a family dynamic can have. Whereas if you're like a 12 to 13, 14 year old boy and a new guy, you're supposed to be the man of the house, even though you're a child. Right. You're supposed you're it's my sister and my mother and it's our dynamic and a new guy moves in and this retard is

And he's an alcoholic. Yeah. So that creates, obviously, an insecurity. So you have a deep sadness in the house. Tension. No, dude. I would still... No. My mom, Rift City. My mom has always been Rift City. She was always having fun throughout all the darkness in our life. We had some rough periods, you know. Wow. But in my house, it's always been Fun City. I would always... It's always been my humor. I would literally... Dude, I would have points where it's me and my...

mother on fucking because we would just leave the house during the night you know we just walk towards my sister was a bit older so she moved out

So we would just walk in the night towards the direction and she would try to call all her friends where to stay for the night because this ape is fucking going bananas back home. And there would be – we would be on the sidewalk, you know. So what did you start out with? What was the first martial art that you – And the next day I would go to school and still be fucking happy puppy just because – I don't know. That was how we came up, right? So then –

There was this program called Kick-Ass Martial Arts, and it was Chris Crudelli, this guy. Soul patch, British guy. He would travel the world. And this was at a point where Pride and UFC were happening, but in...

Traditional martial arts were still holding on. Wing Chun was holding on. Aikido was holding on. Kung Fu was kind of... It was kind of going away, you know? But Chris Crudelli had a program where he would travel the world and study these ancient... There was this, like, dim mak, where it's like... Uh-huh. I...

And seven years later, you die of cancer. You know, all that shit. And as a kid, I'm like, oh, that's all I got to do. Move to Korea for two weeks, study this fucking death touch and just come back and kill somebody. You know? Yeah. But then I remember I saw UFC. I saw a few pride fights from Fedor Emelianenko because he was Russian. He was a big prominent figure in the martial arts community. But I remember I saw Lyoto Machida Shogun, the first one.

And in my head, because Machida looked like a traditional martial artist, you know, because he was half Asian or something, you know. So in my head, I'm like, why doesn't he do the... Why don't these people do the Chris Crudelli shit, you know? Fucking neutralize your opponent to a wrist lock. Then I start watching Pride, Wanderlei Silva. He's stomping people, holding on to the ropes, stomping. And in my head, I'm like, why doesn't he do the Dim Mak? You know, hi! And you fucking... So then...

I was maybe 15, 16, late, late, when I was doing gymnastics and I was doing a bit of weightlifting and I saw dudes like wrestling, you know, and I started thinking like Greco-Roman and I saw them like suplex, jacked guys in fucking just suplexing each other and that's where the wheels start turning of like, dude, you're not gonna wrist lock this guy. You're not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna death touch this guy. This guy's gonna run through me.

So I joined a gym, SPG subsidiary gym, Preet Michelson, shout out my man. He was a great mentor and a father figure at that time for me. And I joined his gym. And it was jujitsu, MMA, we did everything together, you know. And I had my first amateur fight like five months into like doing it.

That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Now, did they make sure the person you fought didn't have a lot of experience either? Yes, but he was like 34. Oh, no. Yeah. That's not fair. And he went to war. He was like a former military, threw down a tank. Jesus Christ. Yeah. But he was still amateur rules, but still MMA gloves, fucking haymaker city, you know? Right. Was he good?

Yeah, he choked me to sleep. I didn't tap. I didn't tap. I tried to tap. I was too late. But...

Yeah, I would not recommend that. I would not recommend you getting your ass kicked by someone who has a lot more experience at five months in. I always think you got to give... I think we were the same experience in martial arts, but he was a man. Dude, I'm a suburban boy. Was he, though? Let me tell you something. If he got to be how old? 30-something, and he went to war, that dude's had training. Yeah, I mean... It's not just five months of training. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair. Listen, that kind of guy is done a little bit here, a little bit there.

there that kind of guy probably boxed a little when he was younger did a little karate we were such a small community that I still trained with him I remember and yeah boy it was yeah boy was fine so he was nice to you after choking asleep

No, before, I mean. Oh, you trained with him before? Yeah, it was such a small community, you know. Oh, wow. So I wouldn't say the skill discrepancy was actually that big, but it was just when you go to war and you can be in a competition. I'm having a full-on panic attack. Yeah. You know, I'm fucking first time in a fucking hand-to-hand combat situation. You're a kid. He's a man. This guy stared down a tank. How old were you at the time? 16. Yeah, that's not fair. Yeah.

And also like a pussy 16. Another like a Pakistani 16 where it's like hair on my knuckles and I have two kids. Those are like the real motherfuckers. Dude, whenever you would in those amateur circuits, whenever it's like, I don't know if Americans do that, but like if you say you're fighting an American, do you guys slip in that it's like, it's Jerome, you know, it's, you're going to just so you're ready. It's going to be a bit of explosive opponent. Like in, in Estonia, it's like if you're finding a Russian guy, are you finding Ivan or,

Who's like me? He's a Russian guy. Or are you fighting somebody whose name ends with a M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M

A bit of a different double leg that's going to come at you. Dude, did you see that Corey Sanhagen, Umar, Nurmagomedov fight? Of course, of course. Ooh, so high level. I felt bad for Sanhagen. He was wrestling so well, everything correctly. It was everything...

Sanhagen was cool. He didn't get backed up into the corner too early. He was keeping his distance. He had good knees. And good jiu-jitsu... What I liked about Sanhagen in that fight, he used jiu-jitsu. He used proper jiu-jitsu. And for the first two rounds, it's exactly like the Khabib thing. The first two rounds, you can actually out-hustle... Not out-hustle him, but you can just...

you can be explosive enough to uh create those moments of jiu-jitsu where you can stay safe right but that train just keeps coming the train keeps coming just keeps coming and mean and you don't think the difference in umar versus khabib uh is that umar is stand up his stand up is his so dynamic his kicking is so dynamic it's so dangerous and quick

You know, like, he throws head kicks off the front leg quick. He throws things that are fast, man. Yeah, he threw that...

Front switch kick. Yeah, not even a switch. It was just he just slapped it out there. Yeah, dude. He's good He's very good real good His striking was on point like everything was on point and he's more threatening wrestling very it's like it was a more potent combination of the skills that Corey has as well I mean, he's a he's San Higgins brilliant. He's one of the best fighters in the sport in my opinion Yeah, so to see a guy like Umar beat him you're like wow, I

That's hot. And come on strong in the fourth and the fifth. That guy's fucking good, man. Yeah. He's crazy. He's fucking good. And him versus O'Malley would be wild. Wild. Yeah. Or Marab. Him versus Marab would be wild too. Well, Marab and him I want to see more because Marab is also a bully. You know. Marab is a different. He's a bully. He's made out of different stuff. They say Marab trains hard like right up until the fight.

But you can see that. You can see that. You can see that. Animal. With a guy like that, you're always like, okay, how long can your joints hold out? Exactly. How long is it going to be before your back goes? Because your will will carry you through. If the human body wasn't so goddamn fragile, guys like that would never get beat. Never get beat. Yeah. Exactly.

That's the whole thing, yeah. Like Cain Velasquez, when his body started going. Also, Marab's been dropped and hurt. I think it was Marlon Vera who hurt him. Marais. Bad. Marlon Marais. Bad. Bad. Had him really badly hurt. And then he went out and stomped him in the next round. Yeah, exactly. Well, Marais had that thing where... Poor bastard. This guy feels so bad for him because he was so good. So good. But just, it's such a chaotic sport where a few bad...

fights just can have such a tremendous amount of impact to your fights that the next ones, you know, it's not like passing. Well, the Cejudo fight, man, the first round, he was lighting Henry up. Lighting Henry up.

Lighting him up. Where I was like, if this guy can keep this up for five rounds, Henry's going to get stopped. Henry just came on in the second round like an animal and beat the shit out of him. He closed the distance and made it ugly. He had one in PFL, too, with that left hook and that switch kick. He KO'd Aljamain Sterling. Oh, yeah, man. Bad. Bad. He KO'd Aljamain bad. Went for a switch kick to the body. Aljamain shot in the knee. But then once he lost to Henry, he started losing to a lot of folks. A lot. And now it's like...

There was the, Sanhagen dropped him with a wheel kick. Remember that? Yeah. That was a bad one too. Right to the tempo. Yeah, that was a bad one. Right to the tempo. Yeah, that just shows the skill diversity that guy has. He could do everything. Sanhagen's so good. Everything. So to watch Umar beat him, I'm like, God damn, Umar's the truth. He's the truth.

It's like those guys in that part of the world. Yeah. And they're so frustrating because it's not like an incredible thing that they're doing. You know, if you watch somebody like Conor McGregor who has that fucking death touch, it's such a spectacle. It's such like, oh my God, this guy just has the power. Right. But these guys are fucking...

Just out hustle you, out grind you. Exactly. And they keep coming. They keep coming. Annoying and bully and mean. But then you got guys like Islam that could do everything. And Umar. This is the difference. Yeah. Islam is scary standing up.

In the beginning of his career, he was really good at wrestling, not as good at standing up, but now he's just as good at standing up. When you KO Volkanovski like that, and then you choke out Dustin Poirier like that, that guy, he's got...

That's the full thing, right? He can head kick you. He could strike with you and knock you. He knocked out Glace and T-Bow with one shot standing. Yeah. He can knock you out, like legitimately. And he can still strangle you. And he can still smother you. Like, it's the perfect combination. But it's like...

That is such a crazy strategy. It's like you're outmanning every guy you fight. He's out-grappling them, out-striking them. Most people try to be a specialist. Exactly. But they're like the full marauder. The full marauder, man. I think if you wanted to really think about who's the most complete fighter, you say Max Holloway, Ilya Tepurya.

But Islam Akhachev, you got to put it at the top of the heap. He's the most complete. He could KO you with a head kick. Just like Jon Jones. If Jon Jones is active. That's what I was saying. Let's not forget the one true God. Jon Jones. That's my boy. The problem with Jon is... He's the most dangerous man who've ever lived. Unfortunately, that shoulder injury...

And then the uncertainty about moving up into heavyweight. Like, how is he going to deal with guys like Francis? Which was always the big fight. That was the big fight. That was the fight that slipped between our fingers. It was the Fedor Brock Lesnar all over again. That was the fight. That was the big one that slipped through our fingers. That was the fight. Because, you know, the question is, would Francis be able to keep John off of him? Exactly. You know, and would John be able to avoid the big strike standing? Exactly. Exactly.

There's a difference in size. That's pretty significant. Even when John was getting big, it's a different kind of big. Different big. The 265 that Francis carries around, that's a natural lean 265. It's like a, I mean, it's a cobalt mining or some shit? No, sand mines. Sand mines, yeah. That's a different guy. That dude's powers are true.

Extraordinary. That's a different guy. Especially with them little gloves on, you cannot get clipped by that guy. You cannot get clipped by that guy. So the question is, would John be able to get a hold of Francis? Would Francis be able to keep John off of him? If Francis can keep John off of him, would Francis be able to stop those leg kicks? Because John sidekicks the shit out of people's knees. Yeah.

And it'll fucking scare you because it makes your leg hyperextended. It'll blow your knee out. Mean. It's mean. I loved John Jones when he was mean. Clover DeShera with that overhook. Remember that overhook that he had on the shoulder? Yeah, man. Yeah. Mean. Elbows. How about Tiago? Tiago had to get two knee surgeries. Both knees were blown apart. As soon as he goes out. Put him to sleep. Just dropped him. Yeah.

Well, his run in the light heavyweight division was unprecedented. Nothing like it. Literally created for human combat. His body looked insane. Small torso with limbs coming out. It looked insane. If you saw his silhouette, it looks insane. Right. And how small his calves are. Yeah. Tiny. But yet, tremendous strength. And strong. And the best guy ever at utilizing distance. Strong mentally, for sure. Mentally. And

And clever. Clever. Yeah, we just have to see him back. And apparently they're trying to do that thing. It's supposed to be in Madison Square Garden, right? Is that announced officially, young Jamie? John Jones versus Stipe, Madison Square Garden, November. So it's being talked about. Also, no disrespect to Stipe, but I don't want to see that fight that badly as I want to see, you know. I feel like you've got to give Stipe one more shot.

Okay. I feel like the guy's been strung around for this long. If you want to respect the history and the lineage of the UFC heavyweight championship, he's the most accomplished UFC heavyweight of all time. He defended the title more than anybody. And, you know, he stopped Daniel Cormier. He's a legit fucking killer. He stopped a lot of, like, very, very good people. He stopped Junior Dos Santos. And he also won Francis. Yeah. He beat Francis the first fight. And he hurt him the second time.

Yeah, but the second time it was a different Francis. Jesus Christ. One of the scariest KOs I've ever seen in my life. In the apex? Yeah. Being there live was incredible. Oh, you were there live? Oh, yeah. So there was like 100 people in that place. When he followed up with the hammer fist to the neck area and that thud. Oh, my goodness.

Bro, that left hook was... And it was like when Stipe was trying to capitalize on a shot, he landed. It's one of those victories where me and the boys were on the couch and it's not a woo, it's just a... Yeah.

Yeah, it's a... Yikes. Because also you know how much damage Stipe has taken in his career. Jesus Christ. So many fights he's had. Jesus Christ. And Stipe hurts him. There it is. He hit him with that left hook and really hurt him there. Yeah, yeah. But Stipe also hurts him. He hurt him a couple times. Stipe also hurts him. Look at this. Bing! And now Stipe goes, oh! And he thought he had it, so he moved in. The neck. He thought he had him when he landed that right hand.

Christ my Lord. So apparently he's gained a bunch of muscle. Stipe has. He's been lifting a lot. And, you know, he hasn't fought in two years. Thank God I'm doing comedy. Yeah, thank God. But for me, when I look at an older fighter like Stipe, who's a legend, I say, that's kind of what I want. I want a guy to take a long time off in between a bad KO and then...

You know, no one's more disciplined than that guy. He's a very disciplined, dedicated fighter. That's why he was the most successful UFC heavyweight champion ever. He's also 40-something years old, right? 42, I think even. Okay, so if you just look realistically at natural athletes when they get to that age, you have concerns. Like, how much of their performance do they have left? And it varies, but it does last longer as a heavyweight.

Absolutely. Heavyweights, they can... Because the nervous system doesn't need to be as rapid fire. Like a bantamweight. Yeah, like 42-year-old bantamweight is kind of done. But George Foreman won the heavyweight title at 45. Absolutely. Bernard Hopkins. Yeah, but Bernard was a freak.

I just feel like as a fan and as a person who respects the sport, you got to give Stipe a shot. Okay. Especially when he was supposed to fight John and then John tore his shoulder. See, with me, it's just like if – it's a classic thing of – it's the mean quote that Don King used to have that why he – when they asked him why he was like ripping off Mike Tyson, he was like, you got to keep the lion hungry, you know? Oh, God. Imagine that's your justification for stealing money. I know. I know.

But Mike Tyson fought six times that year. That's true. Right. That's true. But that is for some of those guys. That's what they need. Not some. As soon as, because, you know, I was a big Conor guy, SBG, the lineage. We had the connection, you know. The connection. And as soon as Conor started getting rich, I was, you know, as soon as John Jones got rich, all of us, I'm at home. Let me guess. Never going to see you.

I don't think that's what happened with John. With John, there was a bunch of other factors. True. Lifestyle. Absolutely. And that's why that steeper fight is also exhilarating of the traditional family guy in the gym and then the other guy who's like... The greatest psycho that's ever... And I love it, dude. When he went to Vegas to get his Hall of Fame induction and just disappeared into the night.

Um, I like, uh, the Aspinol. How many milligrams are those? Uh, threes. Can I have one? Yeah. This is athletic nicotine. It's another company. Somebody gave me an eight milligram yesterday. Oh, that's too much. I was having a panic attack at 2am. That's too ridiculous. That's too ridiculous. I was having a panic attack at 2am. I like it. I've cut my consumption quite a bit. Um,

I like that fight. I think Jon Jones and Tom Aspinall is an interesting fight. Tom is a big, fast heavyweight. He's a fucking powerhouse, man. And he's big. He's big as shit. Big as shit. If you look at fights where Jon has had difficulty...

some of them have been like really elite strikers. Like, he had some difficulty with Lyoto Machida before he got a hold of Lyoto. First round Machida. He had some difficulty with Dominic Reyes. Absolutely. Dominic Reyes, some people even thought he lost that fight.

Absolutely. Even Tiago Silva, no, not Silva, Santos. That's the guy who would kick both his knees out. Yeah. But that was a split decision. Yeah, and even there, Tiago was, even though Tiago was hectic and temperamental in his exchanges, not like a refined striker. But he's just super dangerous, though. It creates problems for John still. Yeah.

That fucking sledgehammer that that dude has tattooed on his chest, that's for real. That's how hard he hits. Dude had a sledgehammer tattooed on his tits. It's amazing. But that dude was scary. But also with Aspinall and Jones, you know, every time people say, dude, watching him and Cyril gone, and all respect to Cyril gone, but he never felt anything. It was a made-up guillotine even, just on the cage. He just was like, check this shit out. Yeah.

Yeah, but as long as he gets a hold of your neck and he's doubling you up in that position where he can press his chest on your head, that's – with a guy like John, with his kind of squeeze, that's horrific. A guy like Cyril Ghosn that's only been grappling for like five years –

You're going to get strangled. It's just that even with John Jones, you know, the heavyweight division has always been a shallow division due to the reason of people being just that size of humans. There's a very small percentage. Including heavyweight boxing. 100%. Did you see that guy Bacoli knock out Jared Anderson? Yeah.

Holy shit that Buccoli guy's terrifying. Holy shit. Holy shit. I'd heard about him from sparring sessions. That was the first fight I saw, yeah. Yeah, me too. I watched a highlight reel of him on YouTube, but I'm not the biggest, like I don't know all the fighters that are fighting. I know a bunch, but I know like maybe 30% of boxing whereas compared to what I know about MMA. So I had heard about this guy from an article saying that no one wants to spar him.

And I was like, how come? And then I watched him fight. I'm like, oh, well, that's why. Jesus Christ, he's 285 pounds. He's 6'6", 285 pounds, and takes a fucking tremendous shot. And a lot of people thought, this kid, Jared Anderson, he's only 24, and he's still very talented. But look at this fucking... Jesus Christ, and the...

Bro, that was round one. Okay, he dropped him in round one, but then he hit him with this sneaky ass uppercut. Watch this uppercut. Look at this uppercut, dude. I mean, my God, this guy's like casually like beating the shit out of him.

This guy is so big. And I heard people are terrified to spar with this cat. They don't want to fucking spar with this dude. You bring this guy in to spar you and he's just beating the fuck out of you and he could take an insane shot. He took like a three-piece there, too. Like it was nothing. Like it was nothing. He just moves his head a little bit. A little bit. A little bit when he's getting hit. He rolls it a little bit. But the really good boxers, the guys who spar, look at that uppercut, that sneaky left uppercut. He keeps hitting him with it. Look at that one he hits him with.

Also, he wasn't exactly in and out of distance, you know what I'm saying? He was parallel legs, so he can hit with both arms. He's much bigger, right? He's 40 pounds bigger than this dude. And he's fucking dangerous as shit, man. Look at that right hand, man. How beautiful is it, too? But it's like skillful. It's skillful fluid punching, but from a tank perspective.

He's that panzer. Yeah, skillful. Yeah, exactly. And he's crazy knockout power, and he's a vicious body puncher too, man. Jesus fucking Christ. I watched some of his highlights of some of his other fights, and I went down to rabbit hole. Vicious body puncher too. It's terrifying. He just walks towards you, just beats your ass. You can't hurt him. Crazy. It's like, remember Francis Nganu, and who's that South African amazing? No, he's not South African.

Are you thinking about Jairzino Rosenstreich? Rosenstreich, yeah. He just stormed him. No, it was literally not even a proper punch. It was Francis just walked towards him like this. Yeah, just winging, winging nuclear bombs. And one of them caught him. Boom, out cold. And another one on the way down. Boom. Yeah, well, that's the kind of power that Francis has. It's just crazy. It's crazy. That's why I always love combat sports so much is that...

It's that there's a lot of sports like tennis where a lot of money plays a big role in the sport. It's a rich sport. So a lot of money, a lot of business, a lot of politics enters into the sport. Soccer is like that. Basketball is like that. Lots of politics. But combat sports is like...

From, yeah, like a sand mine. Right. To somewhere in the world. Yep. To start KOing people. Mm-hmm. And within five... I mean, Conor McGregor, a guy who's a fucking... A pipe... Not an engineer, but he was some blue-collar job. There's also people that if they do something first and then get into fighting, like there's a lot of guys that are like power lifters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crossfit guys. NFL players. I think a big one that's going to be...

That we'll see is people gymnastics because especially guys who do the rings and things like that think about how much more arm dexterity and strength those guys imagine that guy getting your neck and

You know, imagine a guy like that who's a black belt in jiu-jitsu with that kind of crazy strength to be able to hold yourself up in the air like that. I did maybe three, four years of gymnastics before I started. Did it help you? Oh, absolutely. That's why – that's when I started wrestling because wrestlers, Greco-Roman wrestlers do gymnastics. They all do flips and shit. Right. So that's when I started watching them practice and I was doing gymnastics –

And I remember when I started Jiu-Jitsu, I remember just even my get-ups from positions and my attacks, where I'm strong, the positions where I could be strong, were much more different than a guy who's like in the gym all the time, bench-passing. Right, right, right, right. Yeah. For sure. You have much better control of your body. One of the things we found out at 10th Planet was with Richie and Gio Martinez was break dancers.

Oh, absolutely. That's gymnastics. Totally. That's gymnastics. Totally. When those guys started training, everybody was like, whoa. And so Eddie started learning breakdancing moves. He's like, Eddie's the best. He'll go, what do we got to do? What do we got to do? Show me how to breakdance. Because those guys can do all that crazy shit where they can spin around on one hand. So they can do a lotus in the air. They can do a handstand. Then they put their legs in the lotus position, and they can stand on one hand and hop around on one hand. Bananas.

So that kind of control of your body and that kind of strength, like directly, those guys really got very, well, they also trained really hard, but they got very good at jujitsu very quick. Yeah. My party trick used to be a backflip at a nightclub. That,

No slippery shoes for you, bro. Just whip it out. You can't have them slippery. Oh, yeah, yeah. When I see men wear those shoes, I'm like, do you hate traction? Dude, when I buy jeans, when I go to stores, the clerks will always think I'm insane because I'll practice checking for a bit. Just check a kick. You know what you need? You need a pair of origin jeans. Oh, like stretchy ones? The most light stretchy.

stretchy. Combat ready. They are basically pajamas. They're basically pajamas. They feel like sweatpants. But do they look pretty though? Yeah. Let me show you. Go to the Origin website. All American made. Everything. Threads. Everything. Manufactured in America. Everything. 100%. Buttons. Everything. All made in America. This is Jocko Willink's company.

I have shirts sometimes too when I feel it's just a nice shirt, but it's tight. I go, what if I need to pull guard? They look like regular pants. Yeah, if you need to pull guard in these, dude, you could fucking train in these. I could literally kick the bag in these, and I'm not bullshitting. I'm not bullshitting. You could throw head kicks in these. They're like pajamas.

But they look like jeans. $129. That's $110 outside of my budget. I'll get you a pair. Just text me what your size is and I'll get you a pair. They're the shit. There's a bunch of different companies that sell stuff like that. I really like Barbell Jeans.

They do that. They sell those. I've heard of those. Revtown are my favorite. Revtown is like the best cut. Those are the ones I wore in the special. Those are Revtown jeans when I did the special. They're super stretchy. They're like, you can stretch out in them. But by far the most comfortable are the Origin ones. The Origins, they nailed it because it's the most loose. The other ones are like really free moving, but they're pants. Chuck Tarr is actually jeans size. Look at that picture. Oh.

20 bucks, that's my budget. When I talked about that in my special, people were like, what, Chuck Norris action jeans? Like, they were a real thing when I was a kid. They had a gusset in the crotch. Yeah, he's got the slippery shoes. Chuck didn't give a fuck about traction. Chuck wasn't worried about traction. He was trying to pivot on you, son. I used to work as a bouncer in a club where there was an outfit for the security, too. And dress shoes, dress pants, red, suspenders,

Like a fully like a tuck. What's the tuxedo shirt like a collar shirt mm-hmm stiff? No, but the whole time being like I'm gonna rip these pants as soon as I even do anything not only that but someone was a collar on if you a collar if you have like a shirt with a collar that Is a weapon against you that's on your neck like why do you have that? I?

That seems so crazy. If you're in a position where you think you might have to defend yourself, you should be wearing something that tears away from your body fairly easily around the upper body. And the lower body, it better give you some movement. Yeah. You can't have any... And you better have some goddamn traction on the bottom of your soles. You can't have some slippery... See, that was my biggest issue. And the floor is a nightclub floor. Those are all fucking slippery doodle. All polished, slippery, and...

beer and shit spilled everywhere every fight I would see would literally be the first guy throwing the bunch whipping and they're all on the ground and then people are kicking you in the head with boots on yeah fuck that fuck that fuck that yeah fuck getting in fights

You know, that's the other thing. People always say, if I could fight, I'd fucking be fucking everybody. I'm like, no, you wouldn't. You'd be dead. I punched one person in my lifetime working there. Just one person. Most of the time, I would grab them, try to get them in a hold. They would calm down. And one time, it was so... This was this...

big fucking guy and he opened with a front kick oh no a well hip over fat dude like 40 years old but he threw a legit front kick yeah and immediately I knew I'm not gonna yeah I'm not gonna just grab him that's a crazy thing to open with yeah I grabbed I

I get a hold of that and I throw an overhand immediately. Break my thumb to this day. Oh, no. Immediately. Overhand straight to his temple and I feel all my hand. It's done. It's done. Did the guy get hurt? No. Not a dent. Not a dent. You know how he left the nightclub? How? He dragged his wife by her hair. Jesus. Like a... And left the club into the night. Maybe that's what she likes.

She likes to go to bars, fuck a bunch of people up, and then drag her away and let's go, baby. And she just rides him. Chokes him. And then we went to court from that incident. Oh, my God. Did he get sued or did you sue them? I think it was the nightclub suing him.

Not suing, but whatever settlement. I mean, people got hurt, so it's still some sort of an investigation or something. But I had to testify in court. And he had to do a formal apology. They do that here too, right? Where you have to stand up in court and do a formal. And he had to... Me and the other bartenders working there. I was the only security working that night, of course. That's classic nightclub. 200 people, only guy. 19-year-old kid. Cool. Yeah, great. With a bartender who's gay. Awesome. Yeah.

So we had to be and yet apologize he goes he goes gentlemen I'm sorry, and you know how he showed up to court He was just all swollen up not from that fight this this was months later So he's just living that lifestyle. This is out there wrong. Yeah, he was just sort of in court It was like I'm sorry gentlemen and just goes into the cops beat his ass Maybe but he just came to go and remember all of us being like Jesus Christ is Mongoloid Fucking some dudes like to fight

That's a very unfortunate thing that you enjoy. See, that was another thing. That when I went to all these self-defense classes, I used to go to Wong Wing Chun, you know. And there would be a master who said, you know, sparring is not real-life combat. In real-life combat, I hurt you. I kill you, you know. And I'm like, hmm, interesting. But I would already go to jiu-jitsu and I'd be in my head like, you know this instructor shows up, he's got a belly button that has hair in it and it's a little floppy. And I'm like...

I reckon if I low kick you, you're going to feel something. And that was a big problem, you know, with self-defense courses. And me and Preet, the jiu-jitsu guy, we actually used to go to a couple of youth camps where there was troublesome youth, you know, who got into fights. And we would do demonstrations where, do you know, in the 90s in Eastern Europe, there was a rise in people getting stabbed, right?

Because people would think that you take this course on, you know, you take a course every Sunday where they teach you. I remember my friend telling me, like, if you attack me with a knife, you're more dangerous to yourself than you are to me. Because he believed in this system.

And then all these retards would be in fucking Latvia or something. And you're with your girl and some crackhead comes up at you. And you're scarved up. Here you go, baby. And you see your fucking blood on your hands. And in that. Yeah. And that's always what I learned from immediately. I was like.

from those street from working as a bouncer is that yeah I'm comfortable in a sparring environment mouth guard on and we're friends even though you're trying to take my head off I'm in a comfortable environment where I know if I go out it's over you know if I get hurt if you hurt me with a middle kick you're not going to get but there's men out there who go to bars they get gacked up and they just brawl those are men who are comfortable in the chaos of a bar you know

Also, probably not making good decisions at any stage of their life. See, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Is that even though I might be a jiu-jitsu guy, this guy's going to bite my ear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to, you know. You don't want to fight people, period. Yeah.

So that's when I really put together all those self-defense. And me and Preet would go to youth camps and we would, he would like, he would like, he would like a crinkle up a plastic bottle and he would be like, okay, Ari, do all the cool moves that we've, that they all teach, you know, like hi, hi, behind the back, grab the knife, you know? And then he would just, you know, I would like grab his wrist and then he would just pull the knife away. And he's like, at that point you have a deep cut in your arm.

You'd be fucked. And he would look at those kids and go, so you guys think that if you see your white flesh like a rose open up in your palm, you think you're going to look at that and go, okay, fucking get the pose. No, that's a...

Instant panic attack survival instinct, you know I don't want to see if it's really bad. Is that a knife fight? I'm a very it's almost describing exactly we're saying like these guys This guy gets his leg cut really bad. Oh, I did see that. Don't show it to me. Don't show it. It's horrible It's horrible. It's horrible I've seen this kid and the kid pulls a knife out and slices his thigh open almost to the bone like where it opens up like a flap Do I got a piece of bad? Oh, let's be right back. We'll be right back. Oh

And we're back. Doesn't it feel so good? There's a feeling that when you have to pee that you have like 30% of your mind is available. 70% is like, don't piss your pants. And you're talking about wrist locks. I'm like, right. Got to get to work.

I had to pee too, but I was just like, I'm going to piss my pants on this. We did it. We held it together. We held it together. Hey, thank you for being there Saturday night. It was a lot of fun. And Friday night too. By the way, I have to say, dude, watching you do that live special is amazing to just watch you. Dude, me and Ron White were in the green room when you were on stage and we were like, thank God. We're just chilling. Yeah.

Because it's scary. It's scary, yeah. But then again, and here's another point that I have to say that

Do you know how crazy it is that you have, okay, one of the biggest podcasts in the world, but you're an actual practitioner of an art form that only 10 years ago was not even... Stand-up comedy wasn't even the main form of comedy. There was sketch comedy, improv. Movies. Movies. Stand-up was...

a subsidiary art form of comedy, like a small genre. And that you, with now your platform and your voice, are a practitioner. You could...

This is how lucky we as comedians are to have a guy who's an actual practicing comedian. You could also be like a famous guy and just live in the shadows, show up at a club every two months, be a superstar. Because you're talented and funny enough, do a good set. You know, people go home. That was great. That was Joe Rogan because he saw because people come out to see you.

They'll have a good experience. But you're a guy, you're writing bits. You're like coming to the club, your own club, of course. You're coming to the club.

And you're writing, you're working on it, you're fixing it. And how lucky we are to have a guy who's an actual, you could be like a piece of shit asshole. You could. Absolutely. Yeah, but it wouldn't work. We would never have been able to do what we're doing. And what we're doing is really good for me too. It's one of the reasons why, like, I think we're all benefiting greatly from that place. We're all benefiting from the vibe of it.

Nobody's benefited more than me. Me? I've benefited more than you. Yeah, we're both benefiting. It's all good, dude. It's all for everybody. We're all getting something out of it, and we're all getting something in it together, too. That's the cool part about it. We're all like, you know, Asan always says that. That's one of the things that door guys say. When one of them gets a gig, they say, we up.

Dude, they're so supportive. Because I also, dude, I auditioned for Adam. I auditioned for Adam. I got into the club. The, the, the,

the like proper way. I wasn't some fucking made guy. Nobody knew who you were. Yeah. And whenever I get some opportunity like this right now, they're all like so cheering for me, you know? It's very supportive because they also know that all the stuff that's happening to you can happen to them. All the stuff that's happening right now to William Montgomery can happen to you. Amazing. All the stuff that's happening to David Lucas and Cam Patterson and all these guys, these guys

Hans Kim. Hans Kim's selling out weekends everywhere. He's killing it. And he's doing great. His act is tight. He's got some funny shit, man. He's got some funny shit he works at. That kid has spreadsheets and shit. He's going over his material on fucking Google Docs. Also, dude, every fucking week there's another guy in that club that I'm like, who's this? And then, dude, Tyler Fisher. Yep. Oh, my God. He's hilarious. Bro, that bit he does about being a cop for the pedos. Bro.

How funny is that? How funny is that bit? I showed it to the door guys. I filmed myself behind the curtain at Fat Man having to follow Tyler. I filmed my own face and the applauses that he's getting and me being like this.

And I always riff with Tyler. I go, hey, Tyler, how about we keep five characters today? He has a full, because he has characters, impressions. He goes to the crowd. He jumps, he uses the stage. Liners, jokes, anecdotes, callbacks. Everything is tight. Yeah, it's tight and he's got so much energy, enthusiasm. And that guy was having a hard time. He was telling on the podcast that he got dropped by his agent because they couldn't handle any more white, straight men.

Like, you don't think, did you guys, are you in the talent business? You don't see how talented that fucking guy is. But, you know, it's like, uh, this weird thing that we're all a part of. Well, I was to just, I mean, think of my storyline. Eighth of December. I'm in London, the UK. I went to London a couple of years ago, had a great time because I was doing the open mic circuit. But this time I went back as a headliner wanting to maybe move up in the, uh, industry. Yeah.

two months nothing's happening struggling just because I went to New York same thing it was just because I didn't really have a connection nobody really knew me and I'm also not a guy who's great at like the

showing up at the park. I don't do coke. I don't, I hang, but I only talk bits. So, and I would go to like, let's say a New York, like a comedy cellar. And there's like 20 guys with backpacks and tripods all waiting to talk to the manager, you know? And when I see that, I always feel like, I don't want to be another asshole.

you know hello it's my i'm the guy you know so i just felt like on every audition i had when you audition in london that's also good shout out to adam eaglet do you know how crazy that is that he watches sunday monday he watches everybody you can be on the street

Guy and you get to be in front of the probably the most important talent scout and he watches them and he gives you and if you do a good job, he'll give you a spot that when He's really good at it. He's really good at he really understands comedy. He he understands comedy. He gets it He he sees voices. He wants he were he gives everybody a shot He loves he was on a show with Norm Macdonald like they were coast in say his best friend. I

Yeah. Yeah, Adam's awesome. And he was one of the first resource... He was the first guy that I got when I was deciding to do this. He was number one. So I remember when Sam, like... But...

And then, yeah, so 8th of December, I fly over to Austin on 9th of December. I have nothing's going on. Sam Talent is in town just by accident in Austin. And he came to Estonia to visit me. We only talked online before that. And he goes, yeah, sure, I'll get you a spot. But I didn't want to bother him. So I'm still signing up.

And then Sam goes, where are you? Adam's looking for you. And I go, oh shit. I go to the security. You know, the Avengers are out there. I gotta be like, hey guys. I go like, hey guys. And they're all here with my accent. They're like, what the fuck? Yeah, you gotta get somebody. Sam comes out. I do my set.

And even before my set, I see Adam Eaglet and I'm like, oh, that's that's the Adam Eaglet. Because I read about him in, no, Brody, Stephen Brody Stevens in his special always says Adam Eaglet like seven times. So I remember that name. Adam Eaglet. Adam Eaglet trying to hold me down. This is my shot.

and he would and he's back there and I'm like oh shit he actually dude I'm 12 years into this and to see a talent manager or scout or whatever to actually watch your set

He's actually rare. Well, the story with me and Adam is Adam was, he used to work at the Tempe Improv, and that's where I met him, and he was always a great guy. And then he came over to L.A. and started working at the comedy store when I had left. So I had left after the Carlos Mencia thing. I was gone for seven years. So I was doing the improv. I was doing the ice house. I was doing other clubs. And so then he came and met me.

I think it was like 2014 or two. Yeah 2014 so seven years after 2007 now and I was like come on comes that I'm doing I'm the talent coordinator now they got rid of the other guy and I was like, oh, I don't know man. I don't know if I want to go back It's just like I just felt so fucked over the whole thing was so gross. It was like fuck that place but then Ari was doing a special there and

So I heard you fear. Yeah, I knew I had to be there so I had to go back So I went back Monday night before Ari or whatever night Roast battle was at and I sat in the audience at roast battle. It was insane. It was insane Jeff Ross said this is like my first time at the club in seven years and like it was that was a cool feeling like to be like I felt comfortable there again, and then I watched our respect I have to be there for Ari and

I mean, this is not just Ari's first big special on Comedy Central, but it's also Ari, my friend who I knew who was a doorman. Okay. When I was on, I guess I was on either news radio or Fear Factor. I don't know what TV show I was on at the time I met Ari. It might've been Fear Factor.

But like all of a sudden I'm hanging out with this kid, this young kid just starting out. And then we become friends and he goes on the road with me and we work together. We do podcasts together. And then all of a sudden, all these years later, he's got his own fucking Comedy Central special. And he's got his own Comedy Central TV show, which is one of the reasons why they gave him a special. And he's filming it in the fucking OR. I'm like, I have to be there. I had to be there. And so then I came back.

And so now I was there all the time. Then I just started going like every day. I was there all the time. Well, yeah, we heard about it on the podcast all the time. I just went back full on. And then Adam and I started talking. And one of the things we started talking, I was like, what do you want? Do you want to do? He felt, you know, like a little bit underpaid. And I go, what do you want to do? Like, what would be the ideal way to open up a club? And we would start talking about what to do. We'd start talking about what is really important.

What's really important is like a talent coordinator is a lot of times it's just the manager picking Headliners to come in for the weekend or some insane girlfriend of the owner. Yeah, so this is the difference the difference is I think in I think there's probably different kinds of Classifications for what kind of clubs they are our club is a development club. Absolutely It's not just a club for great headliners like when Colin Quinn is here or dice is here

It's a club for developing. So we said, okay, how many nights a week should we have open mic night? And we said two. Let's do Sunday and Monday. So two nights, full open mic night. And then it was Adam's idea to have door people audition with their act. And I was like, you know what? Door guys fucked off so much at the comedy store. They were so bad at doing certain things. They were scamming money and getting people to bribe them, which we've had that too. But that's normal, right? Yeah.

you know, you gotta... Yeah, these are comedians, dude. Yeah, wild people. But the door people at the Mothership are so much better than any of the door people at the Comedy Store. And I think

part of it is because there is this ethic there that we're all the same thing. We're all together. We're all the same. We all hang out together at Mitzi's Bar. We're all the exact same thing. Just some of us have been doing it 30 years. Some of us have been doing it 12 years. Some of us have been doing it five years. Some of us moved here because they did a few open mic nights. It's the only thing they ever loved in their life is

It's the only thing they ever wanted to do in their life. And they're like, God damn it, I want to be in Austin. And then they moved there and they got a job there. And their act is what gets them the job. And if you could string together a few minutes and you could show that you could get those sparks going and make a little campfire, okay. Let's see how much better you get at making campfires. Let's see. Let's see what you can do. And that's the difference between that club and everywhere else. And it all goes all the way up to the very top.

Whether it's Shane or Tony or anybody who's working on their act and working on new stuff, you see them. You see Bryan Simpson constantly. Ron White, sharper than he's ever been. Assassin. He's a thousand years old. Ron White was born before there was feet. People still had fins.

He's an animal. He's better than he's ever been before. Yeah. We were driving to your special in San Antonio. He picked me up from my house, and I'm like, I'm in the car with Ron White, and he's just talking about DMT doing 90 miles an hour all the way sideways. He's like, Ari, there's another world out there. I'm like, we're doing 90 in this one, though. Ron's in the simulation for sure. But also, like I was saying about you, he also, you might think that this guy...

Will come to the club and be a superstar. No he comes in and Works on his act talks about bits. Yeah, and he hang out and panic attack just like I am and he loves when a bit bombs He comes back. Well that fucking didn't work at all at all He comes the fucking sock Yeah, they weren't my favorite

But he was, he's two things. One, he's the reason why I moved here because he was the first guy. He was here before the pandemic. But he's from Texas. Yes. So he moved here. Like I was like, where have you been? Because I knew he still had his house in Beverly Hills. I'm gonna get rid of my house in Beverly Hills. I'm gonna live down here in Texas. And so he, he said it was center of the country. You could travel anywhere. And I was like, damn, maybe. But I'm like, I can't live there.

Because I was always wanting to get the fuck out of LA, but I can't leave the store. But once they shut the store down, I was like, oh, all right. What the fuck am I here for? The crime? What am I here for if I'm not here for the store? And you're not doing movies? Yeah. I don't want my youngest kids to grow up in this place. It seems like it's getting worse. And I also felt like there's better places to be. And so when we all came out here together, it's like...

We all, especially like when we first started talking about the developing of the club, it was the whole idea was like, let's do it our way. Let's do it the right way. As opposed to doing it as a business, let's do it as like, what are you trying to do? You're just trying to make the best club possible. Okay, well then do that. And then the business stuff, put that aside.

you got to stop don't think about maximizing profits because there's only one shareholder so let's just do it the right way and the right way is the comedians get most of the money the right way is you bring the best people in the right way is you develop talent the right way is you have a show like kill tony that sets this tone for the the entire comedy universe it sets the tone and then guys like you can get on that stage crack some fucking great bits yeah and then bam it's

It's crazy. You're off to the races. And I kind of feel like, because I'm a big book guy, I've read everything about the comedy store, everything about the history of the industry, late night wars, David Letterman moving, Johnny Carson moving from New York to the Burbank. Okay, I know everything. And I kind of feel like I'm living the gold rush that was in the 80s and 90s in comedy store. I kind of feel like I'm living that right now. This one's crazier. Yeah.

Well, yeah, this one's crazier because this one people are doing arenas. I mean we're doing kill Tony this weekend in Madison Square Garden There's two nights two nights in New York City sold out Madison Square Garden It's this is Tony's in red bands coming out party. This is like this is the big deal. This is the big deal They sold this out quick quick, you know, and it's a beautiful thing to see. It's a beautiful thing to see everybody Flourishing and this idea that we had actually work. It's actually coming to fruition. I

You know? Amazing, yeah. It's crazy, yeah. And to have you guys, to have you, Tony, and Ron there when I was filming that thing also. So the green room was just like regular green room. Regular ass green room. Right? So we're used to hanging out, having fun, laughing, being fun, and just like being silly together. So we're all being silly, so I was just super loose. But then also there was that moment where...

me and you were in your green room and both of us were in our notebooks for about 20 minutes just in silence. And I remember after thinking like, holy shit, see, this is what it's all about. Yeah. We're just writing bits and just... You got to work at it, man. And sometimes we don't, you know, sometimes we don't. And one of the things that really made me think a lot about this, the live thing, it's like, first of all, I said no. When my manager called me, I said, do you want to do a live special? I said, fuck that. I don't want to do that.

And then I was, as I got off the phone with her, I was driving and I was like, why did I say no? Like, why is such a pussy? Oh, cause you're scared. You're scared of doing it live. And I was like, oh, why are you scared of doing it live? Like, what is it about? Like you do everything live. Like you do UFC live podcasts are essentially they're, you know, they're recorded, but you just, you're just freewheeling. Right.

So why can't you do that live? Like, just prepare better. Just prepare more. So I was preparing way more. Oh, yeah. Watching you develop that hour was insane. You were working. Dude, also, I've never seen you off. I've seen you in the green room, maybe in a different mood than the other night. Dude, when you go on stage, it's rock city every fucking night. It's crazy to watch.

Well, I've just been preparing this set for quite a while. You know, I thought I was going to do a special in August of 2020. That was the plan because I had done a 2018. So I did 2016 was triggered. And then my next Netflix special was 2018. That was strange times. And I was going to do one in 2020 and call it Sacred Clown. And it was based on the Lakota. Hioka was the person in the tribe that made fun of everything because we couldn't make fun of anything. It was bullshit.

They had like a spiritual person in their tribe. Their goal was to make fun of everything. It was a sacred clown. And so I was like, that's perfect because that's what it is. You're just talking shit and making fun of things. And you should be able to do that about everything. And everything you can't make fun of is most likely bullshit. Well, that's your comedy club, dude. I love that you called your comedy rooms after the two nuclear bombs.

But that already shows there's no rules. There's no rules. It's over. And I was worried about that at first. I was like, God, this is so disrespectful. But that's perfect. That's letting you know there are no rules. Do you know one of the reasons why I decided to definitely call it that? Why? Because I told it to Louis C.K. And he went, ah! I go, that's it. He asked me that. And also, it's part of UFO folklore.

One of the main reasons why I wanted to have them, because I knew I had two rooms and I knew there was two bombs. And it was after those two nuclear bombs were dropped that they started. Kenneth Arnold had his sightings. Roswell, New Mexico had that big sighting. Like all the big events of UFO folklore happened after the bomb.

And the idea is that these interdimensional beings, they go, okay, these fucking crazy territorial apes have now developed nuclear bombs. This could be very dangerous. Because if these idiots arm themselves, as we have right now, to the point where they can blow up the whole world many, many times over, they might do it. Let's, like...

Let's make sure everything's cool. And so that's when all the UFOs started So before the comedy mothership with this UFO based thing we kind of had to have those as the name because that's what that's what sends out the signal Yeah, those bombs fat man and little boy those bombs of this That's what if you believe and I love to believe I don't 100% believe but I kind of love to believe I love to at least talk about it If you believe that we were visited multiple times by alien life and a lot of it happened after 1947 makes sense

Well, yeah, if the universe is infinite and there's a higher species out there, you would look at Earth and you'd be interested. 100%. Who knows what happened in Roswell? So the bombs were 45, Roswell was 47. Who knows what really happened at Roswell? But they do know that whatever they did, they took that wreckage and they flew it in two separate jets to Wright-Patterson Air Force Base because they didn't, if one of the jets went down, they wanted to make sure they still had the wreckage.

They put it in two different shits. That's how important this shit was. Whatever the fuck it was. Who's that guy, Bob? Bob. Bob Lazar. Who had that crazy story. I just remember one story where he told that there were like multiple doors open. And for an, like, it was an act because they were separated or something where he was working on. And by accident, he like saw the spaceship like through the doors. And I remember being like, holy shit.

Well, he saw when he went in to see it for the first time it had an American flag sticker on it and his first inclination was oh This is why people keep seeing these things. These are ours, but then the way it's described now who knows if it's true, okay? But I love to believe it is and if the way he describes it is like they essentially brought him in said Tell me what this is Figure this out. How does this work? What is it? And they really never did they kind of got a working understanding of it and

but based on some element that was only theoretical at the time, now been proven by one of the particle colliders. They created this particle. Hydron particle collider, right? Yeah. The one in Switzerland? Yeah, that's where it is, right? That's the...

Creating black holes? Yeah, that's what I'm worried about. Cool, cool, bro. I was going to make a black hole that shoots through your ear. I remember I did like mushrooms for the first time and started reading about it. I'm like, great. Those super nerds are going to kill us all. But they did discover that this element that Bob Lazar...

theorized exists. But then what I've heard is like they already knew that that was going to be an element. So him saying that there's a lot of things like the Higgs boson, there's a lot of things that they knew existed but they needed to get proof of it through the particle colliders. And so a lot of people aren't that impressed with that but

He said they had a stable isotope. They had a stable version of this element, and this is what powered this generator. And this stable version of this element would sit inside of this container, and it would be bombarded with radiation, and it would somehow or another manipulate gravity.

It's the wildest story ever, the most fun story ever. Yeah. But he essentially said they were trying for years to try to figure out how to reproduce it, and they couldn't figure out how it worked. They did a bunch of different things. One guy died apparently trying to cut into it. Holy shit. Yeah, that was the guy before him apparently. Yeah. And then there was the wackiest thing of all is that we talked about this yesterday. They said that they had a big thing on religion, and one of the things that they said that they look at us as containers.

Yeah, and it's like that religion was here so that we don't damage what's inside the container The religion was put here to give people rules and regulations so they could foster they don't destroy their souls So like they're just harvesting our souls. Yeah and making sure our souls don't be just sucking and fucking and sucking right now Imagine that if that's what happens. That's how they trick you into downloading your brain into a computer. That's it That's the end result. They're just trying to get that soul. I

And then you are just trapped, and that's what hell really is. Just stuck on a hard drive with nothing there. Imagine living your whole life being paralyzed, but you don't need food or water, but you're lying on the floor of an empty office building. That's you inside a computer forever. In the void. And they don't download anybody else onto your hard drive either. In the void. Because if they have other people on that hard drive, it'll ruin the hard drive. We can't have your code and my code mixing together. Come on here.

Yeah, we're in a weird time, my brother. We're in a weird time because...

The reason why comedy, as you were saying earlier, is like this kind of comedy is like the most prevalent comedy. Because the only one you could actually be free and do. You can't make Tropic Thunder anymore. You can't make, you know, there's a lot. There'll be a movie. It's a pendulum, you know. Culture is always a pendulum. There'll be some dude. There'll be the new Andrew Dice Clay. There'll be the new Tropic Thunder. There'll be the new Superbad. I hope so. Yeah, 100%. I hope so. Because as soon as...

As soon as something is like 51% of popular opinion, the 49% becomes cool. The rebellion comes cool. Yeah, but it won't even be popular opinion. The popular opinion is almost 100% that they would want Tropic Thunder. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the real popular opinion amongst people who go to see those films. Let me say it that way. Because popular opinion amongst people who don't go see Superbad, what difference does it make?

But the people that do go see those movies and do enjoy those movies would go to see one right now. Most of them. Most of them. But there's always, but yeah, and that's why I always, there's so much fun in rebellion and breaking the rules. And the more, I always think the stronger a line is, the more power you have of crossing it, you know? Right, right, right. Also, I just don't think the line is real. I think the line is a small, very vocal minority of people crossing.

And the majority of people know what jokes are. Yeah. But you can't finance these things anymore. But then again, if it's all no rules and no like, if you don't get a reaction, then it doesn't have any power, you know? It's like when Tony, we were just talking in the green room, when Tony Hinchcliffe said faggot on Netflix at the Tom Brady roast. Right. That's like...

If you're a culture nerd, that's like a cultural moment. Right. We call him a confederate fag. Yeah. Because he's saying something that unanimously five years ago was the line. Yeah. But now... The line's moved. It hasn't even moved, but people dance around the line and it gives it power.

Because if you create a line, you're going to create people who are going to dance around it. Give them. Yeah, but no, we didn't agree to the line. But the thing is, that line only existed in corporate controlled media and existed in virtue signaling internet people. But that's the power of the release. Right. But that line didn't exist amongst friends. Oh. That's why. Off the record talk? Yeah.

Real shit talk that line never existed a retard was on the table all the retard has never left the table never left the table Especially in quiet company when you're alone. Yeah, what's going on with your brother dude? Retard and retarded. I can't I can't talk to him. He doesn't listen. That's normal talk normal talk We know what that means and the the idea that we're supposed to back off these words because a select minority of very vocal people who are like super sensitive and probably medicated like no

No, don't listen. Like, no, don't watch that movie. No, don't go to see that standup. You don't have to like everything. There's a lot I don't like that other people love. And guess what? I'm fine with that. I like it. I like the fact there's a variety of different human beings. It's a fun part of being a human. Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. And you know,

That's the beauty of true diversity. You know, like one of the things that's great about the club is the lineup is actually very diverse, but not because we wanted it to be diverse.

We wanted people who are really good. Killers. And they come in all fucking sizes and shapes. Warrior cameramen. Yeah. Fat gay guys. Small fucking porn addicts. They're all over the place. They're all over the place. They're all over the place. Everybody's different.

And that's good. That's good for everybody. And it's like we speak this language. We're here for this art form. Everything else is fine. Like you just be a nice person. Be nice to us. We're nice to you. We're nice to each other. We're all going to grow from this experience. We're all going to be better people because of this. We're all going to be better members of our community. We're creating a community. Also, there are nights at the little boy because of the yonder banks and stuff.

I'll say some stuff. Yeah, you get a little wild. That I know is not leaving this room. Right. And the release you see in the people where they're laughing so hard. There's like a 40-year-old guy with his wife and he's like, I can't believe this European fuck is saying this is not okay. But that's so fun. Right. But then there's a lot of people that are laughing really hard. No, no. But he's also laughing because it's not okay. But it is okay. It is okay. Here.

It should be okay everywhere. It's okay in private company, right? Oh, absolutely. Off the record talk. Off the record talk. Yeah. It should be okay. And this art form requires that you do that. It does. It doesn't require you have to do it. There's guys like, you know, Brian Regan, who are brilliant. Jim Gaffigan, brilliant. Gaffigan's brilliant. You never have to worry about him offending you, unless you read his Twitter. You never have to worry about him offending you, right? His stuff is sweet and clean. Nate Bargatze. Perfect example. Nate's genius.

Genius, brilliant. You can talk about table. Squeaky clean. Yeah. Those guys have always existed and those guys are us too. It's fine. It's like no one dislikes Sebastian. You know, everyone loves Sebastian. He was just at the club last night. Yeah, I brought him up. Amazing. He's the best. The nicest guy too. I love him to death. Talks about his mole infestation. And how he likes to cook.

This is how you cook a steak. You ever get a guy? He's awesome. He's awesome. I actually just got a message from one of my friends. They said they saw him at the club last night and he was brilliant. But the point is, everybody's different. That's great. That's great. Amazing.

boy, girl, gay, straight, everybody. There's a bunch. All you have to do is be good. That's it. And you don't get any brownie points for your group if you're not good. Okay? If you want to come on just because you're this or that, guess what? There's no room for that. You have to be good. All the festivals, comedy festivals, I was a big festival circle because that was where you could get up back in the day. Australia, Edinburgh, JFL, they're all falling apart because they didn't listen to the ripples of laughter.

Well, they're doing a different thing. Here's the problem. The people that are doing the festival themselves are not usually like working stand-up comedians. Yeah. Right? So they're people that exist in the ecosystem that aren't creating the thing. Right? So they know what they like. They might know what they... And they might also apply their own personal politics to their decisions about what kind of comedy they want to see. It's also... Is it their personal politics or is it the politics that they think...

People are gonna gravitate to you know I think it's both because I think primarily in show business people are indoctrinated into the cult of leftism and

It's almost universal in show business except for a lot of musicians that kind of keep it undercover. But a lot of actors have to keep it undercover too. Like conservative actors just keep their mouth shut. Like Chris Pratt type dudes, they get in trouble every time we talk about Jesus. John Cena talking in Chinese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that was different. That was a little bit of an apology. I didn't do that bit in my act.

But the whole thing about it is that, you know, you've got to let people express themselves however they are. However, whatever, what are you, you know? Tyler Fisher is very different than David Lucas, right? David Lucas is very different than Ron White. Everyone has to be able to express themselves in whatever form they find themselves in going through this life in the best possible way they can.

That's what we're setting out to do but that's like that jazz thing that I was talking about is the resonation of the feelings of the story that you're expressing that people gravitate to and when you start putting a bullshit agenda out there I feel it. I see it 100% I see it and that the the anti bullshit is that green room because the green room is so fun that you go on stage from there with those good vibes like I oftentimes I'm like sad that I have to shut my phone off and

You know, I'm like, I got to go, guys. And I'm like, I'm sad that I have to leave our fun clubhouse. Sometimes I'm sad that I have to go on stage. I know. I'm sad I have to go on stage. I'm not really, but I want to continue the conversation. I know I'm going to have a great time on stage. I'm looking forward to it. But I want to continue the conversation. You know, and then having you guys in the green room with me when I filmed the special was huge, man. It was huge. Because it really was like, I always feel this like, I went camping with Brian Callen once. We went on a deer hunt.

And I was like, dude, it's going to be crazy. We're going to go to Montana. It's going to be freezing. It's going to be five degrees outside. We're going to be sleeping on the frozen ground. We're going to go hunt some mule deer in the mountains. You want to do it? He's like, fuck yeah. And so we did it. But I was like, if you and I are together, it'll be fun no matter where we are. Like Brian and I could be hanging out in some shitty motel in the middle of Saskatchewan just laughing our asses off. Just because we're friends and we've been friends forever.

And so we can have fun together. So no matter how chaotic the situation is, when you have friends with you, it changes what the situation is. So even though that was a live show in front of who knows how many fucking people watching live on Netflix,

I was hanging out with you guys. It was normal. Normal show. So I just kept myself in normal show mind and just went on stage. It was very cool to learn, like watch you from the side and be like, yeah, you're just doing another set. And also you were so well prepared that you were like the perfect guy to do that live special. You know? You've got to prepare in a different way. It's like...

There's a thing about archery, okay? Like if you, say if you're proficient at 50 yards, you can hit a bullseye on a regular basis at 50 yards. You really should be hunting at about 25 yards, right?

Because at 25 yards, you're shaking. You got adrenaline. There's anxiety. Maybe this is a new thing. You know, there's a wild hog moving 50 yards away from you and you're drawn on it. Like, oh, my God, is this really happening? Like, you probably shouldn't be shooting at 50 yards. If you want to shoot at 50 yards, you should be really proficient at 100 yards.

and you should have a bunch of shots already under your belt so that you are accustomed to this experience. So with comedy, I was like, okay, I know I've done a bunch of live shows, but I can't just go up on stage like this is a regular live show. Like, I've done a bunch of shows in front of a live audience. This is going to be a way different pressure, and if I don't,

agree to that in my mind and if I don't address that in my mind and over prepare you let that tiny window of doubt open and that the little demon of doubt will sneak in and steal your confidence and fuck with your head and give you anxiety and make you start thinking about what if you bomb what if you forget the jokes what if you forget what place you're at what if you forget the line what if you forget the punchline what about that new punchline are you gonna do it or are you gonna forget it ahhh

You could mind fuck yourself or you could just super over prepare. So I super over prepared. I listened to recordings. I watched videos. I wrote for like, I, I, I prepared for like five hours the day of the show. I never left my computer. That's how I always feel about writing and, um,

writing during the day about comedies, people always go like, oh, you just write an act. And I go, to be honest, 99% of the shit I write during the day doesn't end up actually working on stage. Most bits still click on stage. But I can't... I have to give an energy out to the universe that, listen, I'm preparing for this. Just so I know that I'm ready when I go on stage. And even though...

You can't exactly say that I'm writing the perfect set and it's going to go as I wrote it. But the energy that I put out in the universe is that I'm preparing. Yeah. It's also, it's not, that's not the process. The process is you write it exactly as you're going to say it because you really need to say it in front of an audience to know how to say it. Exactly. And you need to hear it for yourself too. And you need to actually, the whole thing is it's a framework for you being in the moment talking about that thing. Right. And if you can like, if you can...

set that framework up well on piece of paper or on a computer screen that's great but then you review it and then you keep tweaking it and you keep fucking with it but also if I don't write I just feel like I'm why am I not working hard at this right

And that gives me anxiety of being like, because I remember the first lesson in martial arts that I had, the first lesson in my life. We have compulsory military service in Estonia, which I didn't do. I regret it. The only reason I didn't do it is I did sports and guys who went to do the military service, they ate shit food, got back injuries, came back and they lost a year in their athletic life and a year, as you know, in an athletic version, that's, that's

That's huge. So I didn't do that. I regretted that. But the first lesson I got through martial arts was that why I wasn't successful in mixed martial arts wasn't because I'm physically not, I wasn't talented. But the reason I wasn't successful was because I always thought about, I wanted the accolades. I wanted to be the cool guy who gets the head kick, kisses the girl. Right. And is cool. You didn't want to deliver the accolades.

During like jujitsu classes, when Preet is talking about armbar defense, I'd be daydreaming about what song am I going to come out to. That's hilarious. You're a showman. And I would go, it's just boring, dude. I want to go spar. So I would go to Thai boxing clubs and spar and have fun with my friends. I would build a fake ring in our gym and we would do all the cool stuff that we wanted to do.

And then I remember maybe a year later, there was this, there was a, there was a nerdy guy who started the same year as me. Nerdy, classic, not physically gifted, not gifted at all. A year later, I spar with him and he, this fucking nerd is fucking me up with a jab. But that's because he gave, he, he had mad time. Right. We always call in wrestling this, this expression called mad time. Sure. Oh, you can be amazing and talented and a fucking beast. Yeah.

But if I do 400 hours and you do 22,

No matter at the end of the day, I'm going to get you because I have mad time. Especially with jujitsu. Especially. But it's also how much energy are you putting towards a thing? Exactly. That's really what it is. And it wasn't that. And that's what I learned about the whole thing. I was like, yeah, he was putting energy into the universe and committing to something. Yeah. And putting that out there. And even though...

It's also you're looking for a result and he's involved in the process. You have to trust the process. That's the process of writing. Exactly. And this is one of the things that I tell comics all the time. They always say I write on stage. I'm like, bro, I do too.

I do too. We all do. Especially when you do bottom of the barrel. You always write on stage. You're fucking around. I fuck around all the time. It's fun. It's fun to fuck around. Most of my bits come like this. Sometimes they do. But also you can write. Yeah. This doesn't hurt you to write. It doesn't hurt you. No. And me preparing for this live special made me really concentrate on like tightening up segues. I didn't want anything to be clunky. I wanted to like really make sure that I had it fucking polished down.

Jerry Seinfeld had a great quote where he goes like that a comedian told him, yeah, write on stage. He said, I'll see you in 20 years. Look, you can write on stage. There was a great article that was out. It was about Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock.

I think it was in Fortune magazine. See if you can find it. But essentially they were saying, Chris Rock said this best. The guy was going, what do you do during the day? He goes, I don't do nothing, but I open mics every night. And he said, during the day is where you make your money. At night is when you collect it. Wow. Look at that.

You collect your money at night, but you make it during the day. So true. Because the performance is just a byproduct. It's a great article. And it's the perfect mindset, especially coming from a guy like Chris, who's put out Bigger and Blacker and was the other one that was like, is too...

There's two great ones when he first came. What was the other one? Bring the Pain. Bring the Pain. Those two are some of the greatest comedy specials in the history of the world. In the history. And that guy, man, like, listen to him. Whatever the fuck he has to say. He used to come to the comedy store and he had a very unique strategy. He would come to the comedy store with premises,

And like ideas that he had, but he did not have them worked out. And he would just eat shit. Like try to eat, like try. Like let it be, like let there be like some blank spots. Let there be some dead air. And force himself to come up with the funny and find the funny. And then you'd see it revised the next night. And you'd see it revised. That was what they said about Pryor. They said Pryor would show up at Tuesday.

with a bunch of ideas for bits and they would bomb. And then on Wednesday, they might bomb a little less. And then on Thursday, they would start kicking. And then Friday came along and he was in the maid room murdering with some shit that he came up with on Tuesday. But that's because those guys aren't scared to stare down the bull. Right, right. Because a lot of guys get their first 20.

And they're so scared of letting it go because it was so hard. So hard. And it's hard. People always say, oh, it's hard to be an open mic-er. No, bro. It's hard to be Chris Rock. It's hard to be an open mic-er too. No, it is. But what I mean is that... All of it's hard. It may be harder to be an open mic-er because you don't know what the path is. Like, you don't even know how to get funny. But what I mean by that is that the open mic-er... How many guys did... When you started coming, how many guys did you know who were so much funnier...

Then you just because they played poker without chips on the table, they would show up on their terms, go on on their favorite room, do their favorite material. They would have a couple of drinks, but they would then disappear when and then when they get the weekend and it's Thursday, you got to be funny at eight o'clock. Friday, you got to be funny at seven and ten.

they would kind of fall apart because they're only playing poker by their rules when they're comfortable with their friends in their favorite rooms. But can you be a professional five times a week? Also, when you feel uncomfortable going to this new place and then you know you have to do it a long time,

Do you have the stamina to keep that party mind going on for 45, 50 minutes? A lot of free-balling. A lot of free-balling. Free-balling is fine if you're doing 15 minutes. Absolutely. You don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's on your terms. It's a different thing. It's on your terms, you know? Yeah. Well, I think if you're going to prepare for a special, you have to do a lot of hours. I don't really think you could get away with...

Unless you're a guy who does a lot of non sequiturs, maybe you could piece together like three or four sets and then put them together for one night. Because if you know how they go, you could do that. Like if you're working in New York City, but there's no substitute for those long ass sets, man. Yeah, absolutely. And there's different types of comedians that have a different process. Absolutely. There's no right way of doing it. But are you staring down the bull of your own fears, you know, right? Whereas some guys, maybe

maybe might not benefit from writing during the day. I get that. But are you maybe overlooking some... No, no, no, no, no. Everybody benefits from writing. Yeah, that's what I think. I don't believe that. I don't believe that. I believe even the greats, even the greats who don't do it, if they did it, they'd be even better. And I think that because of my own personal experience with writing a lot. Absolutely. When I started, I remember that was exactly the murderers around me who were a bit ahead of me. During the day, they would all have these talks and they would all be like...

what is the path and the energy and what the you know what is the comedy what is it but the whole time I'm just writing basic hacky anecdotes because I'm fucking two years in of course I'm writing basic hacky anecdotes

But I remember from sports, because they all came from either fucking bars or artistic or theater. I came from sports where it's like, no, no, show up for practice. I don't give a fuck if it's your off day. Listen, if your leg hurts, don't kick as hard, but just be there. Be cognitively in the process. You're putting energy into the universe. And the way the universe has always worked is if you put energy out,

Something's coming back. There's never... I've never known a comedian who has been working hard, honestly, for 10 years and hasn't made it. I've never known a guy. If they have it. If they have the spark. But there have been some people that somehow or another snuck through in some bizarre way that are still there. Yeah, but even that is a true testament of if you just fucking... Right, but what... Yeah, but...

We can talk about that later. It's not important to be negative. But yeah, you're right. It's like if you – I always say to people that are funny at all, like if you do an open mic night and you make me laugh, I'm like, you have the hardest part down. You're funny. So true. Now just keep going. Now just keep working at it. And the more time you spend working on it in every realm, whether the more sets you do, the more recordings you listen to, the more writing you sit in front of your notepad. Yeah.

Sit down. Come up with ideas. Mess around. Like, go over some of your old notes. You should have old notes. I have, like, an orphan baby folder. So, like, they're orphan jokes of mine. You know, the thing about writing, they always say kill your babies, you know, like, for editing. It's hard for writers or hard for anybody who's a creative person. They create something. You don't want to let it go. I have, like, a whole folder of orphan babies. And I go back to that folder every now and then. Every once in a while. Maybe I need to talk about that again. Huh.

Maybe I find a new way. And so you always have some fertile land to till. And that's only from writing. If you don't write, then you're just stuck with what's in your mind right now.

And what's in your mind right now is probably pretty good. A lot of guys do very well with what's in their mind right now, especially they do a lot of sets. But you're really better off if you also spend some more time working on the ideas in silence by yourself. Just sit there. Sit there and every now and then you come up with some of my best lines. I've come up with that way. Exactly. Just out of nowhere. And then the most magical, dude, I had that at Little Boy on Tuesday doing Bottom of the Barrel where I pull out the subject and

And there's like a shelf in my mind that was there. I put that topic there seven, eight years ago. And then you remember it. I just put it there. And I never even thought about it because it was so stupid. And then it comes out of the bottom of the barrel. Like a little gift from the universe. Then I go to the green room. I write it out. Go straight to Fat Man Murder. Yeah, that's the beautiful thing about that place. It really is a true place where you could develop.

I'm taking a couple weeks off, but I'll be back. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. It's crazy. I need to just relax a little.

You know, the first time I saw you was in Australia. I know. Yeah, we were talking about that. Comics Lounge, Melbourne. Yeah. One of the door guys, Tim, was a good friend of mine. And he writes me during the day, hey, Tony Hinchcliffe. And this was when, because I told you, this was when Tony, this was fucking eight years ago. He was already good, but he wasn't the heel that he is now. Right. The guy. Right. But he had that spark. Because when he opened for you in the theater, I remember he opened with...

Melbourne, Australia. Lots of white people. What is this heaven? And Melbourne is a super liberal, you know. The theater. Ah! The release. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There needs to be tension for there to be release. Yeah. Ah! And I remember my friend Tim writes me.

And he goes, oh, Joe Rogan and they're coming too. And it was another guy's, it was like an Australian guy's show or something. You know, that's his headlining show. And he was big in Australia, but not like pack out the club, half papered, older people. You know, it was like a regular crowd, I would say. Nothing superstar, rockstar shit. And all the open micers, all me, everybody gets back into the room to watch you. Because you're our first famous guy that we've seen drop into that club.

And in our head, you know how open mic, we're all haters, dude. We're all like, let's see this American guy bomb, you know? Because we're all haters at that point. You know, open micers, dude. Oh, yeah, I was a hater. Yeah, what do you think, dude? I'm getting two minutes at this club. What the fuck am I, you know?

So we're all like, oh, how's this? And you come from America. And this was you had the Jorgen experience. It was, I think, on you just went from you stream to YouTube. It was big in the comedy community. But in Australia, pop culture, not that big. You know, you were the fear factor guy, I would say most just looking at the crowd, what they thought of you. And you get a polite nothing like it would be today. You get a polite applause.

And you go out there and it was your triggered set. You did so clever too. You did the opener of your hour and the closer, right? Yeah.

Because I saw you the next day in the theater. Dude, you were murdering so hard when you had that Kim Kardashian bit. When you're climbing on a stool, you're kicking off the heels. Sweat was dripping. It was summer in Australia. Sweat was dripping down, I remember. And all of us, like comics in the back, are like, this is not a crowd for who Kim Kardashian is a prevalent pop figure. But your bit was so intense.

so good that it transcends the reference. You know, it's like me as a young kid watching Dave Chappelle doing Crack Baby. I'm an Estonian white kid in a suburb. What do I know about the corner and the projects? I've never seen a black person. But he's... Literally, never. But his talent transcends the reference. And I remember you were murdering so hard and that's when I was like, holy fuck. Like...

Because we all thought you're just like a famous guy who just does stand up on the side. And we were like, no, this guy's a murderer. And I remember that poor headliner. I mean, rest in peace. And you were like slamming. Well, thanks, brother. Yeah, that was right when I was about to film Triggered. Yeah. That shit was tight. That shit was tight. And then I remember somebody comes back to me. They know I smoke weed. They go...

Mr. Rogan needs weed. And in my head, I'm like, didn't we hang out on this little like balcony area? A little fire escape? So let me tell you about this balcony. Hey, we got to go, man. I'm sorry. I got to wrap this up. Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up with this. Okay. So you're on the balcony and I get the weed and I tell my friend Tim, see, I'm cool. I'm not going to talk and everybody tried to talk to you there. I'm just going to give you a fist bump on the weed.

I go, I have the weed. Tim grabs the weed, turns around and just walks away. And in my head, I'm like, I wish I could have just given you a fist bump.

But now, nine years later, fuck you, Tim. Fuck you, Tim. You hater. You took his weed. Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. It's always cool to go to a different country and see the scene. And Melbourne had a pretty good scene. And then you murdered in the theater. 7 a.m. I see you at the UFC. Holy Holm, Ronda Rousey, amazing KO. Dude, I go back to bed. I wake up. You're already in L.A. talking to a scientist engaged. Yeah.

I'm like, this guy fucking... That was like a crazy weekend, you know? Yeah, it's a wild life. Anyway, again, thank you, my brother. Thank you for being at the club. Thanks for being an awesome guy. It's great having you around. Thank you so much. It's great to see you flourish. And if people get a chance to see you live, don't miss it. Ari is a real killer. Thank you. 12 years in, and it's beautiful to see you there, man. And thank you very much for being there.

Friday and Saturday night. You fucking heard that. It meant a lot to me. It really did. Thank you. All you guys, Ron and Tony too. That meant so much to me because it was like I was at home. It was like we're home no matter where we go. The club's amazing. Thank you so much. Tell everybody your Instagrams so they can find you. It's R-E-M-A-T-T-I comedy on Instagram. Easiest way. You have a website?

Building one. Building one? I have an old one, arimatti.com. But if you go to the Instagram, all my dates are there. All right. Beautiful. Thank you so much. My pleasure. Bye, everybody. Bye. This episode is brought to you by Kitanica. Looking for indestructible outdoor gear that can handle anything you can throw at it? Look no further than Kitanica. Sold factory direct at kitanica.com. They handcraft the toughest jackets, pants, shorts, flip flops,

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