#2161 - Tony Hinchcliffe
02:48:47 Share

I got to talk some shit. You're killing it, man. It's exciting. It's an exciting time for you. Yeah. I hope you're enjoying it. Oh, I'm having a blast. Is it weird? Does it feel weird?

Kind of, because I wasn't expecting a big moment or a different boom, a different outside thing, because I'm just content here, chilling. I had my Kill Tony stuff and all of our stuff. But yeah, it's awesome.

It's so interesting to watch. It was funny that Brian Simpson said that he's with you at the store. And he said, he goes, I watched Tony Hinchcliffe become real famous in real time. Yeah. Like you could see like with the first show when you're warming up, get ready for the roast. Then after the roast, people just going crazy. Yeah. It was weird. I got bumped by another comedian my first night at the store. And then I was the special guest super treat the rest of the week. Like it was like I was the secret guest.

kind of, so I was unbumpable.

We should be bumped anyway. Bumping is horseshit. Bumping is a thing that was around the store back in the old days and they should have got rid of it a long time ago. You know, it's one thing if like some superstar Dave Chappelle type Chris Rock character wants to pop in, Louis CK's in town, and they want to do 15 minutes, you know, that's all great. But what used to happen at the store is you would get these comedians that were just doing it for an ego flex. Yeah.

they were just doing it because they wanted to be able to bump other folks on the roster, and then they would do like a fucking 45-minute set and ruin the timeline of the show. Everybody's supposed to do 15 minutes. There's like fucking 16 people on the show. It's a long-ass show. How many people are on? 16. Is it 16? I don't know if it still is. It might be 14 or 12 or something. It's a lot of fucking people, dude. It's crazy that some people will sit there from show –

They will sit there from 8 p.m. and they will be there until 2 a.m. I've seen it. Oh, yeah. I've seen it many a times. Some people are just like, especially those tourists, comedy tourists. Yeah. They'd come there from Australia and Ireland and shit. Yeah.

Yeah, they don't want to miss anything. We're getting a lot of those at the Mothership, man. There's a lot of people from other countries. They're telling me they're flying in for this. All the time. It's wild. They come in, they do like a weekend, then they go do Kill Tony, and then they'll do like one of our shows. It's fucking crazy. Yeah, I always ask now during the commercial break where I get to talk directly to the Kill Tony audience, and I ask, how many of you live in Austin, Texas? Make some noise. How many of you flew in just for this, and it's always a bigger pop? Isn't that wild? Yeah. Yeah.

It's like the city's become like a vacation destination for stand-up. For the arts, I think. I think you can come here and listen to live music, the best, and live comedy. And get to see a lot of fucking freaks.

Yeah, it's just fucking what a time we're in, man. Boy, did we get lucky. I mean, we just keep getting lucky, dude. Having Shane here is a death blow to the other cities. Took him out on his first boat trip on Sunday and drank. Of course. If you were Shane, you're drinking. Did you drink Bud Lights or did you drink real alcohol? I drank whiskey cokes. He drank Bud Lights. We always fucking meet.

Yeah, that dude can put them away. Do not fuck around with Shane Gillis. Do not try to drink with Shane Gillis. We had so much fun. He's the best. Listening to Drake on the river. That's awesome. He's the best. Yeah. It's so nice having him here. And it's so nice having Joey here all the time now. Joey's coming again in a week. Unbelievable. Yeah. I was just with him in New Jersey. Yeah. What are you saying?

He was so hilarious. He was so hilarious at the fights. He was out of his mind. That's what I was telling Lewis is like even the few people that we, you know, really want that haven't moved here are coming here all the time. Like it's a Vegas residency or something like that. Yeah, Theo was there too at the fights and he's coming in July. Yeah. So we'll do more stuff with him too. Yeah, it's just we're lucky shit, dude. I mean, I say it all the time, but it's almost like the universe wanted this to happen this way.

It just seems like every light just turned green right when we got up to it. Unbelievable. It didn't make sense. Like this isn't going to work. Green light. This isn't going to work. Green light. Hey, this might work. Green light. Oh shit. It's happening. Green light. It's wild. Yeah. And it's a special fucking place, man. Yeah. I love this city with all my heart. I, you know, I never thought I would leave LA and then when the shit hit the fan and riots and governments and you realize taxes are absolutely insane for what we were getting, you

And I feel more at home here than I ever did there. And I was there for almost 20 years. But when the plane's landing and you look out the right side and you see downtown Austin instead of downtown LA, it feels more like, oh, yeah. It's a better place for comedy, too, in terms of, like, you don't have the traffic. It's not a grind. It's the middle of the country. So if you want to travel to other cities, it's easy to get to.

The club situation is amazing. There's so many clubs. There's Cap City. There's Creek in the Cave. There's the Vulcan. There's a Sunset Strip. There's the Mothership. There's what else? The Black Rabbit. Black Rabbit. The Vita Room. Shakespeare's. It's crazy.

It's crazy. It's an amazing situation. It's like, you know, and you realize like you don't have to live like that. You don't have to be stuck in this crazy city of insane traffic and crime. Right. I can see five comedy clubs from my windows and where I live. And I don't even think anybody in New York has.

has that. I don't think you can look down and see five comedy clubs from where you're at at any given point. Look, New York has more clubs and more people. And New York's awesome. It's not a contest. Right. You know, it's not a contest. It's like that whole, like, New York is the best. I don't know. If you like it, it's the best. Like, it's whatever's great for you. Right. But this is a crazy place right now. And, you know, L.A. used to be crazy. And now L.A.'s just a fucking steaming pile of

on fire. It's just fucked. Speaking of fire, do you see the sky? You know what that is? Uh-uh. In Mexico, oh, we need to Google this too because Mexico has a new president and I heard that 30 plus presidential candidates were assassinated. Oh. That might be just a TikTok meme. So I have to find out. So let's find out in real time. But the sky, the reason why the sky is so cloudy looking, that's smoke.

from wildfires in Mexico. Oh, wow. Yeah, they did a controlled burn and they go, whoops. Oh, boy. They whoopsied. Whoops. 37, excuse me, Claudia Scheinbaum was elected the country's first female president after a bloody election campaign that saw 37 candidates assassinated.

And that's our neighbor. We live next to a fucking crack house. That's on fire. A crack house on fire run by a Jew. A first lady. More than three dozen candidates were assassinated, including a local government candidate in central Puebla State who was killed on Friday, increasing the total number of those killed to 37. Who the fuck would want to run for office in Mexico?

Dude, that is so crazy. That is so crazy. Look how few people. Look, 20,000 positions to fill and 70,000 candidates. If you have 20,000 positions in America, how many candidates do you have? Probably a lot more because nobody's getting assassinated. That would be one way to start fitting the herd. Yeah, taking them out. I mean, how far away? I mean, it sounds crazy, right? This is Mexico. It's not America. How far away are we from...

like seeing another JFK type situation. I mean, Jesus. Fuck. If you want to feel great, have energy, and be healthy, it takes a lot. Not just working out and eating right, but a lot of different vitamins and minerals and probiotics. And the supplements industry does not make it easy, but AG1 does. And that's why I've been using it for years. AG1 is 14 years of research, innovation, testing, and improvement.

All in one product with the goal of raising the standard in the supplement category. AG1 is a nutritional powerhouse that delivers my daily dose of vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics and more. It's a powerful, healthy, research-backed supplement that has been a

game changer for me. And when people ask me what's the one thing I'd recommend to elevate their health, my answer is always AG1. And I'm so glad they sponsored this show. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3, K2, and 5 AG1 travel packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com slash JRE. That's drinkag1.com slash JRE. Check it out.

This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The world is a big place and it's filled with all different kinds of people. So you're bound to find exactly who you need for your business. But where do you start looking? ZipRecruiter.

Whether you need to hire a civil engineer in New York, a pediatric nurse in Nebraska, an attorney in Colorado, or even a mascot in Michigan, ZipRecruiter can help you find candidates with the right skills. And you can try it for free right now at ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. ZipRecruiter's smart technology works quickly to find top talent. As soon as you post your job, it uses powerful technology.

matching technology to scan through resumes and identify qualified people for your role, whatever it is. From accountant to zoologist, ZipRecruiter makes hiring faster and easier. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free.

at this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Could be close. Seems like there's a candidate that the government really doesn't want. Yeah, there's this one guy. What's his name?

One guy who went to the UFC this weekend and got like a 30 second standing ovation Yeah, almost as big as Dave in Ohio, but not quite right not quite They're changing the tone on this. I mean, you know, they're doing it They want to try to make them look like a bad guy, but people just aren't stupid anymore I mean, there's obviously still like half the country doesn't get it but yo so many so many rappers and

So many rappers are showing support for Trump now. It's crazy. Yeah. Because now he's got a felony. Right. I mean, like, now they realize also he's getting trapped by the system, just like everybody's been rapping about being trapped by the system, this bullshit system. And you watch it happen with him. Exactly. Yeah. I was just talking about this. It's like they I don't think they were counting on the black voter being like, hey, I'm

They just fuck that guy. That's what they do to us. Yeah, that's what they do to everybody. And they pretend they're there for you while they're letting in immigrants. And you know what, man? Here's the problem. Here's the real problem.

Republicans won't be the solution either, kids. The problem is people in a position of power. The Republicans seem like they are your solution. But it's just because the people in power right now are the Democrats. Whenever the Democrats are out and the Republicans are in, everybody is dying for a Democrat. I remember when Bush was president, after the second term, everyone was like, good Lord, can we get a fucking reasonable Democrat in here before this country goes Christian nationalist and fucking –

and goes crazy and starts every war. Yeah. And then Obama comes in like, oh, things are going to be great. But it kind of seems like kind of the same, you know, and the whistleblower protection that he promised. Yeah. Actually, probably like one of the worst on whistleblowers ever. Drone strikes. Kind of a shitload of drone strikes. Yeah. The whole thing was bonkers. Yeah.

It's just the same structure with a different face. It's Bill Hicks' joke. Bill Hicks' joke about, I think the puppet on the left is to my liking. Why more align with the puppet on the right? Hey, there's one guy and he's holding both puppets. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

That's that's what we're dealing with. We're dealing with money. We're dealing money and power and it does You know if you think that that's where a person like a Trump character does make a difference though Because he truly does not give a fuck and especially now after all they've done to him. It's all the things he survived Yeah, I think this guy was beloved beloved until he's about 70 years old Yeah, and that's when he starts running for president. I

Actually, he was a little bit mocked before that while Obama was in office because he was one of those people that was a birther. Yeah. You know, he was a...

I'm one of those people that I don't give a fuck where you were born as long as you're not actually an undercover terrorist. If you're clearly a regular person that just happened to be born in Nigeria or happened to be born in Saudi Arabia, but now you're here. You went to school here. You got friends here. You got family here. You love it here. America's the shit.

You can be president. Like, I don't really think that you have to be born on a certain patch of dirt to run it. That seems like Viking shit. It seems like that seems so old. Yeah. It seems so dumb. What about the 35 thing? Is that the age? Yeah, that's a good age. Up until I was 50, I was retarded. So I don't think I don't think I don't think that's a bad thing.

I think 35 is good just for humans. I think you need a certain amount of life experience. You need a certain amount of trials and tribulations, character testers, a lot of education, a certain amount of changing your perspective on the world because we all do that.

As a young man, I was very liberal. Super, super liberal. You know, I mean, I just, anything the Democrats believed, I believed. Never interested in anything the Republicans had to say. All they wanted to do was like shove God down your throat and stop abortions. Totally. That's what I was like. No, I was so with, I mean, 100% with you on that. Well, that's brainwashing too, right? I was super liberal until I got my first paycheck in the state of California. Yeah.

And then everything started changing. Yeah. When people get rich, they get Republican real quick. Yeah. Yeah. But there's a lot of really rich people that are Democrats, which is interesting because they got so much money, they can vote Democrat. They got so much money, they don't even try to protect it. California is considering a 30 cents per gallon tax on the miles or 30 cents per mile because so many people have electric cars. So the gas tax is losing money.

And they want everybody to have an electric car by 3035 or 2035. 3035 would actually be realistic. 2035 is crazy. There's, like, not enough. We don't have enough stuff. We can't build all those cars. Like, what are you going to do with all the cars that are gas? You know how many cars there are? There's more cars than there are people.

There's more cards here than there are people. Oh, that makes sense. Oh, yeah. Well, a lot more. Well, first of all, there's people like me that have a bunch of them. They throw it off. You know, that throws off the divorce thing, too. You know, people say, you know, 60% of all marriage is in a divorce. Right. But...

A lot of those are people that just get divorced a gang of times. They go all Jennifer Lopez on the deal. And just like, I'm in forever. Fuck you. You new person, I'm in forever. Fuck you. She might have another one on her hands. Yeah, it looks like she's going down again. Yeah. Ben, something was up with him at that roast. He bombed. Oh my goodness. You can't bomb if you're married to Jennifer Lopez. You can't strike out. You can't bomb. You can't fall when you're walking up a flight of stairs or no pussy. Right.

This is just how it works. Yeah. You want the Viking queen alpha female? Yeah. If you want to... Yeah. That's what you get, man. She's still that way and she's like, what, 51? She's crazy hot. Yeah. Crazy hot at 51. Yeah. Ben was a deer in headlights. He hung in there. He tried his best.

But, yeah, he stood out on that roast. Maybe it'll be over. I mean, maybe their turbulence will get through at this time. Maybe they don't want to do it again because they were together 20 years ago. You just got to figure out how to be who you are when you really like each other. Remember in the beginning? Isn't that fun? You appreciate each other? Figure out how to recapture that because that's still the same person. People get sick of each other. You ever get sick of a guy you work with and you quit the job and you're like, I fucking miss that dude.

You know, they become part of your little community. Yeah. That's why I keep working with Red Band. I love that dude. He's a character. There's only one of those dudes. Mm-hmm.

You see his new tattoo? Yeah, he showed everybody. By the end of the night, I was going around going, hey, did you see Red Band's new tattoo? Did you see Red? Because he was just showing everyone. Wasted last night. We had another banger of an episode. It's a miracle that I'm awake right now. Who was the guest? It was Luis J. Gomez and Sal Volcano. Oh, nice. Sal was on the podcast last week. He's great. It was great. He's a good dude, man. He's fun. Real fucking super nice guy. Yep.

The bucket was the story that we get some great new comedians out, a new golden ticket winner as of last night. I have to see Lewis do stand-up. I haven't seen him in a while. I heard he's killing it. I heard he's doing really well. Duncan saw him at the creek and he said, dude, he was so funny. He was really laughing hard. He goes, I was really impressed. He had to do it. I'm like, that's great. There was...

I can't remember who was headlining this weekend, but he was doing a clean set because he's doing a special... It was Mike. Mike Vecchione. That's right. And he's doing a clean hour...

Because I don't know why. Why is Mike doing a clean hour? Yeah. But so he asked Lewis to be clean. And I mean, me and Matt were in the green room. We're like, wait, Lewis is up and he's supposed to be clean. Let's see what he's doing. The first thing we hear is like, nice balls, you shithead. We were dying.

This is not going to be clean. Right. First of all, you shouldn't ask a guy to be clean. You can't ask a guy to over... Especially a guy who literally is on a show called Legion of Skanks. Yeah.

Yeah. He has a festival of a year called Skank Fest. Yeah. Skank Fest. You can't ask him to be clean. Also, Veggione is so fucking funny. It don't matter what goes. Bombs could go off before his set and he'll go up there and kill. Yeah. It's not going to affect. People will fall into your rhythm. They're grownups. But we used to think back in the day that clean people couldn't follow dirty people. That was always the thought. I think that's a dumb thought.

Like, Jim Gaffigan can follow anybody. It does not matter. He gets into his rhythm, and then he does his thing, and he puts you in his mind, and then you're off to the races. Like, Brian Regan, same deal. That whole thing about, like, clean or dirty, like, who fucking cares? Sebastian, another great example. Who cares? Just be funny. He's just funny. Oh, yeah. If Sebastian started talking about getting his dick sucked, it would be funny, too. Yeah.

It's just funny. That would be fun. A dirty Sebastian special. Yeah. If, like, Apocalypse breaks out, and there's a few, and Sebastian starts doing roids now. He's got a gun. Carries a gun on his hip. If we go, like, full Mad Max. Yeah. That's happening in Mexico, kids. 37 candidates assassinated. That is basically the doorway to Mad Max. That's crazy. 37 candidates assassinated.

And all the guys that was happening in America. Well, what's scary is like, what what is that lady that the question becomes? What's the winner going to do that? The other 37 were not going to do. You're not going to be a rebel. Rebels don't live. You know, that country's run by money just like this country's run by money. But instead of the military industrial complex, it's the supplying Americans with drugs. Yeah, that's what it is.

That complex. It's not the military industrial complex and the pharmaceutical drug companies. They run this. It's just money. It's the same thing. And in Mexico, they make their own laws because everything is illegal. And so they are running things with selling us drugs. And until we make drugs legal, which nobody wants to do, that's going to continue to happen because you're not going to stop people from wanting to do drugs and you're not going to stop people

People from selling them drugs. You're not going to, especially if they're from another country, especially if they're running that country. And they've been doing it so long. They've amassed so much resources and money. They have tanks. They have anti-aircraft weaponry. They have everything, man. They have fucking hundreds of billions of dollars. Like who knows how much money they have. If you added up all the cartels in Mexico.

Well, I bet the Jewish president knows exactly how much money they have. I bet she knows. I bet she knows. I bet she knows. I bet they know where she sleeps. And I bet she follows the rules. Yeah. I guess you have to. Like, if you want to be president of Mexico, that is a totally different proposition. They Kennedy 37 people a year. Oh, my God. They're so crazy. Unbelievable how close we are to them. Yeah, you could walk there. Yeah. You could walk there. Like, Cam Haines has run...

longer distances and races. Especially if you're down in South Texas. My friend who lives in South Texas had a guy die on his property.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Probably dehydrated or sick or something. He just couldn't make it. It was in the heat. I only went to Mexico once. We were in San Diego and we drove down and the first thing I saw was a dead body leaning against the rock with its split that says this side's America, this side's Mexico. Yeah. And we were high as shit. So like we were immediately like, was he going back? Yeah.

Did he drown? No, he was just dead. He was just a dead old Mexican guy. Oh, like old age dead. Well, probably dehydrated. I mean, it could have been anything. Who knows? I have no idea. You know the doctor? No, he was arms crossed with a thing over his head. Oh, Jesus. So they had him laid there? Arms crossed? He was literally laid there next to the rock like a corpse. Maybe somebody didn't have money for a funeral. Like, hey, grandpa's been real. Take care. Love you.

Let somebody figure this out. Yeah, that's a weird one. You know how much money a fucking funeral costs? That's the thing Joey Diaz hit me to. He goes, you know what a fucking scam is?

These fucking mortuary homes and the funeral homes and all that shit. You have to do it. You have to do it even if someone wants to be cremated. You have to embalm them. So you have to pay for that. And then you have to pay for a coffin. And then they try to upsell you. Don't you want a Cadillac of a coffin for Grampy? Grampy always liked red velvet. He was the king. He dressed Grampy up in his nicest suit in a red velvet. And it cost you $40,000 for the whole thing. You're like, what am I doing?

My buddies pulled a Big Lebowski. We had a comedian that we all started with named Skeezy, and he passed away. And nobody in his family wanted to claim the ashes, so Benji and Matt Edgar were like, well, we'll put him somewhere. He loved Venice Beach. Let's take him to the beach. So Benji goes to the Venice Beach Mortuary or whatever, picks up the urn. They go to the ocean, and Matt's kind of watching Benji, and he goes waist-high in the water and

And he dumps out Skeezy's ashes. And it all just starts to compile all around Benji. And Matt's laughing. And fucking Benji's cracking up. And as he gets out, like, the ashes are, like, following him. So they're, like, all over his body. So he had to go shower in one of those Venice Beach, like, public showers to get the ashes off him. From what I heard, someone told Benji.

Who are they talking to? There was some podcast they were talking about. I kind of wish I could remember so I could give them credit. But there was some podcast where they were talking about what you're really getting when you get Grampy's ashes.

It's like, you're getting ash that's just sitting in the bottom of this furnace. It's not necessarily your grandpa. They don't, like, clean it out perfectly. Right. No one's watching. No one gives a shit. Also, what it really looks like when they burn someone, when they burn the body, you have, like, fragments of bone and shit. There's a lot. See if you can find, like, images of what it looks like when they actually cremate someone. But the guy was like, you're not getting ashes. And not only that, sometimes they just throw other stuff in there, like cement. You get cement. You're like, they don't give a fuck. Right.

It's symbolic. It's just a dumb thing we do. What you're supposed to do is let that body feed life. We're so stingy. We don't even let our bodies feed life. So that's what it really looks like. Look what it looks like. It's bones and chips and shit. Ew. Theo had a mortician on. Oh, maybe it was Theo. Did he say that? I don't know specifically. I was trying to look. I bet that's exactly what it is. Now I'm thinking about it. I don't know.

Either way, there was someone was saying that a lot of the stuff you're getting in there in disrep... I'm not saying all of them, of course. Some of them, I'm sure, you're grampy. But other disreputable ones, they don't give a fuck. They'll throw fucking kitty litter in there. Here, go worship the kitty litter, you fucking idiot. They don't care. They're just doing this in and out and in and out. And here's the other thing. Do you know how many guys wind up fucking the female corpses? No. Do you know that this has been an issue? Uh-uh.

No, my friend claims that when he was young, that they went to a funeral home and that the guy came to like they were ringing the doorbell. The guy wouldn't come. They're knocking on the door. It was like for someone in their family that was dead. And the guy was in the back and came out. He was sweaty and out of breath.

And they were like, what the fuck is this guy doing? He was acting super fucking sketchy and really weird. And they think he was back there with one of the corpses. Oh. Yeah. He goes, he just felt like he just fucked somebody. I go, really? He goes, when you think about it, it's like these women are hot and they haven't deteriorated and no one's around. Come on. Yes. There's rigor mortis and stuff. It's hard. Are you sure? Yeah. It's got to be. It's got to be like...

Reported cases of employees sexually abusing dead bodies are relatively rare. Yeah, if they get caught. Perhaps those prolific necrophiliacs. Do you remember the one that the bit Kennison had? Oh my God. It was how I found out about Kennison. I found out about it through a girl I worked with. This girl I worked with reenacted Kennison's bit about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to morticians to spend a few hours undisturbed with their freshest male corpse.

So, Kenison, like, did this bit where... You ever see the bit? It's a fucking classic, dude. It's a classic. See if you can find the bit. Play it, and then we'll just edit it out. Fucking YouTube. Yeah, they're tricky, man. We gotta fucking play the game.

Listen, they're awesome. They're awesome. They have the best platform. I mean, it's the most accessible. It's so easy to share. The sharing things is huge. Because you don't really share Netflix movies and stuff. I tell people. Here it is. Wow. What a bit. Yeah. So this girl that I work with, this was at the Boston Athletic Club. She got down in the parking lot.

And she was lying on her stomach. She was like, oh, oh. I mean, life keeps fucking the ass even after you're dead. It never ends. She's like doing that. And I'm howling, laughing at her doing an impression of Kinison. That's how I found out about Sam Kinison. Wow. Yeah. Fucking amazing. That was before I was even thinking about doing comedy. I was 19. Yeah, I was like, wow, that's crazy. What is he doing? Yeah. I just like, what? I remember watching him for the first time going, oh, that's comedy too?

Like, I always loved comedy. I always used to watch The Tonight Show. Like, when Richard Jenney would be on or Seinfeld would be on. I loved The Tonight Show. I loved stand-up, like, Evening at the Improv. Like, when I was, like, I wasn't even 21. I went to see Jerry Seinfeld with his girls dating. We were just sitting there like, wow, seeing comedy. And I went to another. But I always thought...

Comedy was that. It was like the TV comedy. And then there was Richard Pryor, and then there was Eddie Murphy. But I never thought sick shit could be funny until I saw Kinnison. I was like, oh my God. That's a different thing. I didn't know that was comedy too. Right. No, I'm with you. I was a Jim Carrey guy. And when I was young, the funny faces and all the silly noises and stuff and everything. And then when he did Man on the Moon...

And I saw that darker side of things. And Andy gets fired from the improv right at the beginning of the movie. And I realized right then that he was making money performing in front of live audiences. And I'm like, what the fuck is that?

That's great. So there's like a lower level before the tonight show and stuff. Right. And I started going to libraries and stuff to look up books on Andy Kaufman. I would look up Andy Kaufman and find any book that mentioned him. I went down this crazy dark rabbit hole. I used to go to Jerry's deli all the time. That place was awesome. It was a great place because 24 hours. You could always go there after shows. And they had a photo of Andy Kaufman on the wall.

So it's Andy Kaufman when he worked there. So Andy Kaufman, while he was on taxi, took a job at Jerry's Deli just to wait tables. Yeah. Just to, like, be weird. So it's people who would be getting their fucking tables cleaned up, and they're like, wait, what? Are you the, is that Latke or whatever his name was? What was his name? Latke Gravis. Yeah. And that's back when, you know. Look at him. He was fucking working there while he was on taxi.

Yeah, back when there's only three channels, so there's not a ton of famous people. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Boy, you had to hang out with famous people back then because nobody understood. Nobody got you. You know, Jesus Christ. Man, she had a famous person like a John Belushi back then. Sure.

This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The world is a big place and it's filled with all different kinds of people. So you're bound to find exactly who you need for your business. But where do you start looking? ZipRecruiter.com.

Whether you need to hire a civil engineer in New York, a pediatric nurse in Nebraska, an attorney in Colorado, or even a mascot in Michigan, ZipRecruiter can help you find candidates with the right skills. And you can try it for free right now at ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. ZipRecruiter's smart technology works quickly to find top talent.

As soon as you post your job, it uses powerful matching technology to scan through resumes and identify qualified people for your role, whatever it is. From accountant to zoologist, ZipRecruiter makes hiring faster and easier. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free.

at this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. This episode is brought to you by Bowl and Branch Sheets.

There are millions of things you can do to optimize your performance, but none of it matters if you don't get a great night's sleep. If you want real recovery, upgrade to bowl and branch sheets. They've got better sleep down to a formula. Bowl and branch's best-selling signature sheets use their highest quality 100% organic cotton,

with an insane softness and breathability so that you can fall asleep and actually stay asleep even on the hottest summer nights. Sleep better with the softest, naturally cooling bedding from Bowl & Branch. Go to bowlandbranch.com for 20% off your first sheet set plus free shipping. That's B-O-L-L-E.

A-N-D Branch.com slash J-R-E for 20% off. Exclusions apply. See site for details. Easy. Too much pressure. Well, the shows, the amount of people who watch those shows, too. He used to bus table at a restaurant at the height of his fame on the television show Taxi. Kaufman would stay in character as a humble busboy, always denying that he was Kaufman.

Oh, Jerry's went under. The Studio City one went under, too. Oh, God. They closed them all. Are they all done? Mm-hmm. God damn it. Yeah, we were stuck going to Norm's when I was there a few weeks ago. How is Norm's? Eh. It does. If you're hungry enough to go to Norm's at 3 or 4 a.m., then it's just fine. My favorite is Cantor's. Yeah, Cantor's. Cantor's is the shit. That is the quintessential Jewish deli. Yeah. Like, their Reuben, their pastrami Reuben... Mm-hmm.

Off the charts. Yeah. Off the charts. They have the best pastrami in the city. Yeah. As far as I've had. Like Jerry's was really good. Cantor's is one level above it. Totally. One level. You feel the cholesterol. Ugh. Like right in your veins. Yeah. It's just the sauerkraut and the fucking Russian dressing and the rye bread. Come on. God. Come on.

Come on. I've been eating like such shit lately. That's spaghetti. That's spaghetti and meatballs from Boa here. Fucked me up, dude. Spaghetti with Wagyu meatballs. I've been going that a lot. I've had it twice since then. And it's like I had I have to stop because it's literally like heroin. I feel like shit afterwards. I feel like shit the next day. It's like crazy. I don't know what the hell they have in that fucking pasta. It must be a thousand percent like Heisenberg level gluten because

Because it is addictive and makes you feel terrible. But it makes you so happy for the six minutes that it takes me to eat the entire dish. And then you feel terrible for 30 hours. Yes. Yes. It's the closest thing I'd imagine to heroin that there is. Of course, there's probably a bunch of people on heroin. But isn't that similar to getting drunk?

You know, if you drink a little bit, you feel great while it's happening. And the next day, like, I'm never doing that again. Yeah, I do that all the time. I did that last night. Yeah, it's the same thing. I ate with Joey Friday night in New Jersey. Went to his spot, Il Nido. Oh.

There is nothing like East Coast Italian food. Yep. It is a different thing. 100%. It's a different level. It's a different level. That Il Nino place, I would fly in to go to that place. Oh, look at that. That was charred clams on this fucking insane toasted bread. That was spicy rigatoni. Dude, it was off the charts. That's the meatballs. Off the charts. Yeah, whole different level. The steak was perfect. Everything's perfect. That's bone marrow with...

potato puffs. Oh, dude, it was so good. And that's, um, what is that? What's that called? The thin, thin sliced beef. What the fuck is it called? No ceviche. No, no Carpaccio. My crew, we did a Cleveland and then a night in Pittsburgh and Youngstown's dead in between the two. So I took, we stopped off in Youngstown for lunch and got two different types of pizza from two different places. Um,

And everyone's minds are completely blown because you cannot get pizza like that anywhere. You could try to find something in Chicago, but that's Chicago and New York's New York. There's not that middle, not deep dish, not thin crust. But in Youngstown, there's 20 places unlike any place anywhere else. So what's like a hybrid of deep dish? It's just a normal old fucking like lunch, school lunch pizza.

But different types. Bellary is famous for their Briar Hill, which is, you know, just plain with shaker cheese and some green peppers, which is diabolical. Because if the sauce is good and the bread is good and the cheese is good, you don't need anything else. It's like a simple. Yeah. Well, that's what Portnoy always gets. He always gets a plain cheese pizza. Mm-hmm.

You watch his reviews of cheese pizza places? Sometimes, yeah. I love the ones where the people get mad and shit. It's so great. Yeah, if it doesn't meet up to his standards. I mean, the guy's eating everybody's pizza. Like, you got to know what the fuck you're doing. But he says that New Haven, Connecticut is like where some of the best pizza in the world comes from. That makes sense. I could see that. A lot of those offshoot Italian spots where they hit away, like Youngstown, like that,

I guarantee Pittsburgh has decent. You know what they have in common? Mob activity. Oh, exactly. New Haven has a lot of mob activity. 100%. I used to work at the Joker's Wild. It's a place in New Haven, and the owner was a crazy convict. Yeah. Just out of his mind. And I saw the owner beat a guy in the face with his shoe. Took his shoe off and beat a guy in the face with the heel of his shoe. Oh, yeah. He had blood all over him. Oh, it was a fucking disaster. Those people need pizza. Yeah.

They figure out how to get the good pizza. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny how that's the case, though. If you have a serious Italian neighbor, you probably got a little bit of mafia influence in there. Totally. I mean, that's all they know. You got to bet on things. You got to run things. Get a tax here, tax there, protect them. Imagine owing money to a bookie. How terrifying that would be. Yeah. You're on the run. You owe $100,000 to this guy. And you're trying to gamble on other games to make it right.

Yeah. Like Uncut Gems. Oh, yeah. That movie gives me so much anxiety. You watch that movie like, don't. Oh, Jesus Christ. What are you doing? I'm fucking. Dude, I watched the show that gave me more anxiety than any show I've ever watched in my entire fucking life. What? Baby Reindeer. Oh, I've heard. It's insane. It's the scariest thing ever. It's the scariest show ever.

This guy's nice to one person who he doesn't really want to be nice to, gives her a water or a tea or whatever, and she falls in love with him, and it is the scariest show. I think it's supposed to be a comedy. I don't think I laughed once. The comedy part's not funny. He's also trying to be a comedian. None of it's funny at all, but it's literally you're watching for...

The anxiety. I started it and then I'm like, I don't want to watch, but I have to. And I just kept going and it's fucking frightening. Have you seen the actual lady go on Piers Morgan? Yeah. And she's literally like how she is. She's insane. Oh. And happy to talk about it. Yeah. And claiming she's not insane. Right. And not knowing how insane you look. Yeah.

Fucking fright. It's wild when people don't know how insane they are. And you watch and you're like, oh my god, they think they're sane. They think they're fine. They think they're going to go on there and make a good argument. Those are the most insane people. The ones that don't know. Right. Yeah. You've been watching the Fauci hearings? No. Whoa.

Dude, it's wild. It's wild. What's going on with that? Still deeply in denial about everything. I mean, they're confronting him about emails they got, about deleting emails in preparation of a Freedom of Information Act request. They got...

emails from people that he worked with saying, you know, that, uh, don't worry. Fauci is too smart to talk about this stuff on emails. You'll either have to deliver something to him or meet him in person. There's all this like weird deception shit. There's people that said, this is clearly leaked from a lab. Look at the fair and cleavage sites. This, they have to be that that's put into the virus to make it more infectious to human beings. They're

They're talking about it in the email. And then that same guy, after talking to Fauci, like three days later, is like, it's ridiculous to think this came from a lab. This is clearly from a natural order. And they're all talking about discrediting people who are talking about the lab leak theory. I mean, what they did was insane. And they did it in front of everybody. And-

finally Fauci has to talk about it to people, but he's still in denial about all of it. There's no science that says that masking for children works. There's no science that says that vaccinating children works, that it's good, that it's overall good. And the amount of people that have gotten wrecked by this, they're starting to recognize it in other countries and they're talking about it in other countries. They haven't quite gone public with it in all the newspapers in the United States yet, but it's,

In the UK, they're blaming it. There was the thing about Germany today. There was a front page of a major newspaper. Somebody sent it to me. I'll send it to you, Jamie. But they're finally starting to talk about it. And they're talking about excess deaths in the Philippines. They're talking about the amount of people that are no longer having children. The amount of less children that are born. Because one of the side effects that is claimed...

It wrecks women's fertility. It wrecks men's fertility, too. The baby numbers are down by a million. I couldn't tell what newspaper it was from. Yeah, I don't know. I bet if you take the title, but they're talking about it. Analyze data. Just here we go. It says...

Researchers from the Netherlands analyzed data from 47 Western countries and discovered there have been more than 3 million excess deaths since 2020, with the trend continuing despite the rollout of vaccines and containment measures. Experts said the unprecedented figures raised serious concerns and called on governments to fully investigate the underlying causes, including possible vaccine harms. This is wild stuff, man. Because, you know, now that we're getting...

An understanding of how much deception was involved, like trying to blame it on a natural origin when they clearly knew it was a lab leak. And they still don't say it's a lab leak. It was clearly a lab leak. It's clearly. Obviously, I'm not a doctor, but in my eyes, it looks like a fucking lab leak. And most people that are educated think it's a fucking lab leak. And this guy still is denying it and was denying that it's even gain of function. They even funded that research. Yeah.

They changed the definition of gain of function for this particular vaccine. What did they change it to? The definition of gain of function on the NIH website was changed. It was updated. So that was from the Telegraph. The Telegraph. COVID vaccines may have helped fueled rise in excess deaths. The excess deaths have to be discussed and no one wants to because that's the real thing.

The all-cause mortality deaths, the big uptick in cancer and what they're calling turbo cancer. Obviously, again, I don't understand any of this stuff, but Peter McCullough was talking about what the mechanism behind this rise in cancer would be and how it could be tied into it. He was explaining it like from a medical perspective. And it was just the whole thing is so nuts. Like, when are we going to learn? Like, when are we going to learn?

Yeah, it's crazy. When I'm being back in L.A., they rehired the people that they fired for for not being vaccinated. Like Rose is like running the joint kind of. Yeah. I got someone assistant brain. Yeah. Assistant GM. And I don't know. It just brought me great joy to see things like that. At least at least sort of back to normal. Exactly.

Yeah, it's just that part was the part where I'm like, got to go to Texas. It's time. They're forcing people to get a shot of something to work at a dirty night comedy club and to fly and to do everything. And they're lying about whether or not it's going to stop the virus. They lied about it.

They said it's going to stop it in its tracks. It was all bullshit. There was no data that showed that it stopped it in its tracks. Even one of the people in the vaccine study got COVID. I mean, literally. One of the people died from COVID. Did you know that? Uh-uh. Yeah. So many people that got the shot got it immediately. It was...

I mean, it's crazy. They're literally like, I've had COVID four times. I got two shots. I got three boosters. I've had it five times. Like, it's like so contrary to what the whole thing was supposed to do. I mean, I'm just hoping that people wake up and realize that,

We have this idealistic perspective that they're looking out for your best interest. But whenever there's enormous amounts of money to be made, they will distort the facts, even if something is beneficial. I mean, let's just pretend that there's no excess deaths. Let's pretend that it just causes a bunch of neurological issues and autoimmune issues, which it seems to do. Let's pretend it's just that.

Even that they're not going to tell you about. They're not going to tell you about it until it's already there's problems. They've shown that with the Vioxx problem. When they had that Vioxx scandal, they knew they had email saying we're going to have problems, but I think that we'll do well with this. Talking about financially, because you got money people, man. Money people aren't medicine people.

But medicine is medicine and medicine is to help people. But it's run by money people. So you have the scientists that create the awesome medicine and then you have the money people figure out a way to fucking sell this to people, force people to take it. And when you watch videos of all the different things and during this thing, one of the things is that

Fauci was claiming that he didn't coerce anybody to take the vaccine, but there's this whole recorded conversation of him talking about if you keep people from working, you keep people like if Amazon says they're not going to hire people at big corporations, you have to be vaccinated to fly. He goes, it's shown that people will drop their ideological bullshit and get vaccinated.

you can imagine just imagine that's from a public health official who knows that it doesn't stop an infection he has to know what the data is he has to know it was all just to get people to take it and they made so much money and the government you know this is the weird thing the science there's 710 million dollars was earned

And Fauci's claiming that he never made any money. Zero. He said he got zero dollars from it. He said he got like 122 bucks from a monoclonal antibody patent that he has. It's crazy that they work for the American people with taxpayers' money, and they create something that they put a patent on, and then that makes them hundreds of millions of dollars. $710 million dollars.

Like, where'd that go? You didn't get any of it. But the other thing they showed was that Fauci's income, his net worth, went up to $11 million. So he made a lot of money. Yeah. Maybe he sold a book. Yep. Maybe it was legit. Yeah, I saw something of him on my Twitter feed, him just playing victim. Mm-hmm. You see that guy behind him? Uh-uh. This is a fucking amazing video. This guy behind him, when Fauci's talking about the death threats, you get the guy's like...

You guys making this face? Have you seen it, Jamie? I'll send it to you. It's hilarious. The dude's hilarious. But anytime anybody does that, in my mind, the stuff that... Playing victim? Yeah, the stuff that I've been through and seen, because I had a lot of death threats during quite a few phases of my jokes being out there. That's all it is. There it is. That's it.

Give me the volume. I mean, it's such a joke. You probably... Two individuals and credible death threats means someone who clearly was on their way to kill me. And it's required my having protective services essentially all the time. It is very troublesome to me. It is much more troublesome because they've involved my wife and my three daughters. At this moment, how do you feel?

Keep your mic on. Terrible. Do you continue to receive threats today? Yes, I do. Every time someone gets up. Yeah, well. Well, that was the other thing. They blame podcasters. Right. They blame podcasters and they said that we're responsible for 200,000 to 300,000 deaths. Yeah. That makes total sense. Hey, man, you made it. Yeah. First of all, don't blame us. First of all, you made it. Yeah.

You fucking made it. You funded it. You were a part of the research. Andy was the main salesman on the air every day when we were watching the news because there was nothing else. We wanted updates. We wanted to see when things were going to open, if any positive news was there. And we had him. The richest thing of all.

is Chris Cuomo's now taking Ivermectin. Oh, my God. Dave Smith bodying him is one of the greatest all-time, I mean. I said this before, and it was that. I said it was going to be Mike Tyson versus Marvis Frazier. Like, what have I got myself into? And that's what it was. Oh, yeah. But he did it to himself. He did it to himself. I mean, Dave did it to him, for sure. But Chris did it to himself.

He just has this bizarre way of trying to lawyer it up and twist the words and turn it into something that's okay. I didn't say that. Where's the clips? And then they show the clip. Yeah. And he's still trying to pretend that they weren't mocking people for taking horse dewormer. And there was more than that. These clips, they do a funny thing over at CNN. I think we were talking about this the other day because of a joke that I do in the headlines. They do a funny thing where they can change the headlines after a certain amount of time. Okay.

They can change that. They can delete videos. They can copyright strike them. They have control over what they've done. And they went

And on and on there was a whole thing with I was obsessed with CNN because I find propaganda to be very very Interesting. I want to know what everyone else is seeing I want to know what the audiences are seeing especially the people that aren't really paying attention Yeah, maybe they don't have friends that know what's really going on They don't they don't know the whole history behind everything and I know it's not real I look at CNN like most people look at pro wrestling and

And I look at pro wrestling like it's pro wrestling. Like it's real. No. But, I mean. Yeah, it is like pro wrestling. Especially during that time, I was studying that so hard because I knew. I knew that they were, I knew something was fucking rotten going on. They don't know what to do about Israel and Palestine. They're just like trapped. They're trapped in the middle.

Did you see in Philly where the gay pride parade ran into the free Palestine parade? They wouldn't let them pass. Yeah. Like, no, our thing's more important. Right. Than you guys fucking each other. Yeah.

Crazy. It's just the woke eating woke. It's the left eating the left. But that's what they've always done. They eat themselves. By the way, the right does it too. The right does it too. They do it all the time. It's a human characteristic that we can't really just say one side does because it's not true. The gay parade and the Palestine parade meeting up in the middle is like the time Kid Rock shot a bunch of Bud Light.

No, because nothing's going to die. No business is going to get crushed by it. It's like, no, you guys don't want to fight each other. Look at this. Look at the free Palestine and the gay private. It's a standoff. It's a fucking flat out standoff. Hidjobs versus blowjobs over here.

No pride in genocide. So they're stopping the pride parade. No, you can't have your parade. Our parade's more important. I love the masks. I just love them. Look at all these people with masks on. It is the liberals MAGA hat. It is. I've said it a million times, but that's what it is. It's a fucking MAGA hat. Oh my goodness. These dorks. How many of them had fucking masks on, man? It's crazy.

They don't even work. I mean, they work as well as that lady's visor that's turned backwards. Yeah. And they definitely don't work against AIDS. So wearing one at a gay pride parade is completely pointless. Imagine you think the mask. This is going to protect you. Yeah, they're wearing a mask outside. And meanwhile, they...

butt fuck strangers in glory holes and stuff. So it's like... I honestly think it's more of the free Palestine people that were wearing the masks. You think anybody's ever worn a mask at a glory hole? What's that? Because they don't want to be identified in photos. That's true too, right? Pretty much most of it. You think most of it? Yeah, retaliation. Yeah. I don't think it should be legal to wear a mask in public.

I agree with that. I just think it's too creepy. You could rob someone. Yeah. I mean, in New York City, if someone had a mask on in the past, you'd be like really wary. Oh, my God, this guy's got a ski mask on. Fuck. Yeah. It was scary. It means they were going to rob you and you couldn't identify them. Right. Why are we allowing that? It doesn't work. The data's in, kids. Doesn't work. It never made sense. Even in the early days of the pandemic, there was a famous doctor that went viral.

because he was doing vape hits and he would put a mask on and the vape smoke would blow straight through the mask. And he was explaining like, this is, these vapor particles are bigger than COVID particles. Like it's going right through that mask. It's not stopping jack shit.

And you're going to get it. Right. You're going to get it. And, you know, they said, oh, the masks work at the margins. Like, if you fuck with the numbers, because here's the thing. How many people wear masks all the time are also super fucking paranoid, right? So they're avoiding crowds. They're not going out. How many people who won't wear a mask are a little loose? They're just like, fuck it. If I get sick, I get sick. I already got COVID. Fuck it. You know, they just go out.

So you can't – it's hard to know when you have a large group of – when something as weird as the pandemic happens. And even then they can't show – it's not like all the people with masks showed 80 percent of them didn't get COVID. Uh-uh. No, they all got COVID. Everybody got COVID. Yeah. And then there's this –

thing where they want to say it protects you from hospitalization and death. No, that's not true either. Because I know a lot of people who are vaccinated who got COVID who got to the fucking hospital. And I know a couple that died. How many people do you know that died from COVID? I...

confirmed actually don't know anybody I don't think I mean it's kind of debatable like Jeff Scott I mean I don't know no Jeff Scott he died alone like in his I don't think he had COVID I mean yeah exactly I know some people that died during that period but really nobody Jeff Scott was HIV positive too yeah for a long time I wonder if maybe he couldn't get his meds

Because that was an issue during the pandemic as well. That's when we realized that China makes all our medicine. Like, what? China makes a lot of things, man. It's crazy how much we rely on them for manufacturing stuff. Yep. Crazy. Yeah, they're trying to mitigate some of that now. Samsung is actually putting in a chip factory in Austin. Huh. Yeah. Should be interesting. Yeah. We got to do something. We got to get businesses back over here and stuff.

Yeah, well, we definitely shouldn't rely on a foreign country that is not our ally for our fucking medicine. Jesus. Right. That's so kooky. That is such a kooky thought. We live in the craziest times. It's so weird, man. Every day it's weirder and weirder, and every day AI gets stronger and stronger.

And every day I wonder, like, are these the last days of just being a regular person? Are these the last days of us just driving around, getting on a plane, going to places, telling jokes? Are these just the last days of that? Like, are we going to be living in a world in five years that's unrecognizable? Because I think we are, dude. I hope not. I don't know. The AI stuff still, I'm not completely sure.

Mesmerized or convinced I hear you and Duncan talking about it a lot in the green room and I'm just always like I don't know I don't really I haven't bought in yet. It all just seems like a fancy Alexa to me Well, have you actually seen what it can do? Have you ever seen what it can do like as far as coding?

It can code so much faster than people. It can solve problems faster than people. It can do all these things already better than people can. No one in the future is going to need to hire a coder. A person who sits in front of a terminal for 16 hours a day and just fucking Adderalls out and just lines of code, that's done. That's done. You can do that if you want to, but a computer is going to bang it out quick.

It would be stupid for you to do that when a computer would do it in two seconds. And you're going to spend 16 hours and you might fuck up a few lines and you got to go back and check it. Why? Why aren't you doing it manually? The computer is just going to do it. Are you going to stand there with one of those old timey photographs where everybody has to stand still? No. You have a phone now. It takes a better picture.

It's going to be like that with everything. It's going to be in control of airplanes. It's going to be in control of all the automobiles. The problem is you're going to have to get permission to go places. It's going to get fucking weird, dude. It's going to get really, really weird. Yeah, I just hope we can...

Well, think about the amount of change that we have now in comparison to just our parents. Just our parents. The best transportation back then was an airplane. The best way to get the news was the television or a newspaper. And you didn't...

You didn't know what to do with your life. You just, you had to go to college and then you go to college or you go to trade school or you get a apprenticeship and you get a job and then you get a kid and you get like, you don't know what the fuck is going on in the world. You have this like surface level understanding of what's going on in the world. And now everybody knows what's going on in the world.

Now, the amount we knew about the Iraq invasion in 92, 93, whatever it was, when Iraq invaded Kuwait and Desert Storm, the amount we knew was minuscule. Yeah. Minuscule. There was no YouTube shows where you could see someone breaking it down. Oh, they're actually trying to get away from the American dollar. We're trying to do this and that. There was none of that. No one knew the hustle.

It's crazy that these wars are still happening. I don't know why we're giving them our money. We need a, I don't know. That's not going to change. Yeah. I mean, that might shift if Trump becomes president. Maybe he can get away with some stuff. Maybe he could do some things. He wants to stop the wars. He's like the only one that's like saying he can stop the wars and wants to stop the wars. He's the only one that did before. What can he do, though? What can he do different?

Let's pretend. Let's pretend it's November of 2024. Trump wins. January, he gets an office. What can he do? Well, it seems like he has a way to...

Jesus Christ. Trump is planning to send kill teams to Mexico to take out cartel leaders. Donald Trump has told allies about his plans to covertly send special forces to Mexico to assassinate drug kingpins. Sources tell Rolling Stone. Well, Rolling Stone, you have lied to me before.

You've lied to me a lot. And you've lied to me about the fucking people overdosing on horse dewormer. Remember that? That was Rolling Stone. They had a line of people outside waiting to get to the hospital because so many people were in there for horse dewormer overdoses that gunshot victims couldn't get in. Jesus. They're so dumb. They used a photograph. This was in like August in Oklahoma. They used a photograph of people wearing coats.

Because they were lining up for a flu shot. It was a different shot. Different photo. It wasn't what they really were there for. It was bullshit. What is that article, Jamie? The same thing. Printed somewhere else. Same thing? Yeah, same thing printed on Yahoo. The source was Rolling Stone in here, too. Yeah, I mean, if he was doing that, someone's a rat. So shut the fuck up. It seems like the type of article that you would put out if you want the person assassinated and you want to make it look like

someone else is going to assassinate them. That's worded a little differently. One source recalled him saying it in the past, earlier this year, that he would do something like that. He should create a kill list of drug lords consisting of most notorious heads of drug cartels that a special ops team would be tasked with killing or capturing. That's a different way of saying that. You know, the problem with that is you create a power vacuum, and then what happens is someone else rises to the new spot. You're not going to stop the demand, so you're not going to stop the supply.

You can try, but unless you're in an all-out everyday war with the cartel, you're probably not going to do that. Even if you kidnap and capture leaders, you're going to disrupt the organization. But my guess, my uneducated guess, would be someone was going to come in to fill that void. Yeah. They got to make drugs legal, as horrible as that sounds. But that's the only way.

Just make them legal tax the shit out of them and use the money for treatment centers and education and testing Yeah, and and testing you know that you know that it's illegal to have To - it's illegal to have or to give away Fentanyl test strips in the state of Texas to legal illegal. Can you sell them? I?

Me and my buddy are starting a water company. Here's how I know about this. Canned water, right? And the plan was to get them into all the bars in the city. Our idea was to literally just attach a 30 cent, you know, fentanyl test strip. And then we found out we can't do that. You can't give away fentanyl test strips. You can't.

Can't give them away. You can't even order them in Texas. Can you sell them? If you go to Amazon, you can get fentanyl test strips in specific states. Whoa. Yeah. Why would they stop test strips? That you think is encouraging people to do coke? Is that what that is? I have no idea. That doesn't make any sense. I know. It's very bizarre.

There's so many dumbass fucking laws. Yeah. Because there's so many goofy people on both the left and the right. Texas House passes bill decriminalizing fentanyl test strips. Maybe that's if you have them, I guess. Bill would take fentanyl test strips off the state's drug part of the list, meaning it would no longer be a crime to carry them. It's still probably hard to buy them. Yeah. Maybe you just can't give them out. Which is crazy. It's still hard. Why don't you Google...

Is it legal to give out fentanyl test strips in Texas? I did. That's how I got here. Did it give any articles other than that? It probably says below that. How much time can you get for selling fentanyl in Texas? How much time? 20 years. For 200 to 400 grams, you're looking at five to 99 years or even life in prison and a fine of up to $10,000. Life in prison, the most severe punishment for having more than 400 grams.

They also only do like the state bill stuff here for like, I mean, I don't know how different it is in other states, but it's only like six months out of the year. The other half, they're not like they're out of session. Jesus. You have to wait till next year before they start looking at stuff again. That happened with...

Jesus. There's no reason. There's no reason. They can't have a good reason for... There's no good reason. Right. I mean, there's an epidemic. Oh, yeah. There's 100,000 people in this country in a year. Yeah. Update. There you go. That died in the Senate. Oh, no. Despite support from Greg Abbott. Oh, no. The legislation comes after a bill to decriminalize Texas. So Texas and Congress lead bipartisan efforts to allow fentanyl test strips. The legislation comes after...

but died in the Senate despite support. So whatever I put up before, we just want to pass to the House, I guess. So they're trying to bring it back. Who the fuck is opposing that? Isn't that crazy? Who the fuck would oppose fentanyl test strips? I want to know. I'll tell you who it says in the article in one second. Yeah, name their names. It's just inexcusable. That's a crazy thing to oppose. It's a crazy thing to oppose, kids. It doesn't make any sense.

Because if we can figure out who that is and where they're getting their money from, then we can start to solve a lot of problems here. Because that's an actual serious problem. They wanted to make COVID a big deal. Imagine if they're getting their money from the cartel. Right?

I mean, maybe. Who could it be? Who could it be? Who the fuck would want you to not have federal touch? It doesn't say they voted against it. It says it died, which is like they just didn't vote on it. But the Senate declined to take action in the regular session. Oh, okay. It just never got voted on. That's quite a bit of the same thing, though. They're avoiding it maybe on purpose or someone doesn't want to vote on it. By the way, this is like some people look at it like,

Oh, well, those people are doing cocaine anyway or whatever. So maybe it's not the, you know, it's not the, we're not losing the best people, but it could be anybody doing anything. It could be somebody trying to do, you know, fucking Molly or I don't know, any more fun, like an actual, like goofy psychedelic drug or something like that could be in any type of pill. I wonder if the,

The logic behind not wanting it to be legal or sticking your neck out and saying that it should be legal is that people want to then attach you to promoting drug use. And then you would possibly like have an opponent that could turn it against you and say, my opponent promotes drug use. You know, you could have that kind of a deal happen.

Yeah, but there's a problem. But that was the gay marriage thing. That was a lot of things. There was a lot of things that people wanted to pretend that they were against. I mean, until I think 2013, Hillary Clinton was saying that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Barack Obama said that. They don't say that because they believe it. His opinions changed that much as a grown man. Like what? Did you do mushrooms? What did you do? Right.

Did you smoke DMT? What did you do? Tell me what you did. Where now you have this complete change of heart. And you think it's just be two people who are grown adults who love each other. They should be able to get married. What happened? You tell me. Or you're full of shit. One of these things is going on. Either you're doing this political thing, which is like, God, it's so gross. When they just calculated with what they say just so they could win. Yeah. They realize the gays can vote.

So also they realized that public support for gay marriage was way higher because the stigma of being gay all sort of, you know, it's not that long ago. It was way more stigmatized. Like so many people were in the closet in Hollywood, uh,

Because they kind of had to be. And to this day, the one open kind of homophobia you have in Hollywood is that gay men never play straight men in movies if they're out. They never play the leading romantic interest in a movie if everyone knows they're gay. That's why I'm not in any movies. But also, making gay marriage legal didn't cost them vast sums of money. I bet if we did an online poll...

where every american had to vote and had to log in and you pulled them do you think we should be giving money to foreign wars i i can't imagine the number being lower than 90 percent for no yeah i think i saw a recent twitter poll where they tried to do that the majority of people was like no yeah i mean if we forced people to vote on an actual issue

Well, it's also you have so many people that are hawkish and they think that, you know, we can break Russia or that we need to support Israel or, you know, whatever, whatever their position is, you know, where they're real hawkish on. And they have a limited amount of information about it when you talk to them. So many people, when you talk to them about it, you're like, well, why do you think that we need to keep sending money to Ukraine? Is it working? Are these people being used as cannon fodder or are they gaining ground? Like you tell me what you think.

Well, you know, I mean, I just think what Putin did was like, do you support a guy like storming into a country and taking over? I'm like, no, I definitely don't. I definitely didn't support that.

But that doesn't mean that you should spend hundreds of billions of dollars to prolong what seems like some horrible, bloody conflict that just – how are they going to win? Are they going to take over Russia? Like how are they going to win? Are they going to kick Russia out? Russia is going to quit? They're never going to do it again? NATO can move in? Everything is going to be fine? Are you sure?

Are you sure nuclear weapons aren't on the table? Are you fucking positive? Is it good that China and Russia have cuddled up together now and they're all buddy-buddy and they're fucking shaking hands and smiling and taking pictures? Like, is that good?

That seems not good. It seems not good if the whole fucking world is against us. Like that seems really bad. And if they make our medicine. Right. And what is the fucking what solution could Trump possibly do? Like when he says he could stop it, like how do you stop it? How do you stop it? I think Trump just puts the fear of God into these people a little bit. I think he puts the fear of.

The guy's not going to play by the rules. Right. They read our news. If they glance at our news, it looks like we have a crazy president. So they're like, oh, let's wait a bit. I honestly feel that way. I think that they think by glancing at our weird propaganda that we have, that we're being fed, they're like, this guy's kind of crazy according to them. So let's wait. I mean, why did Putin wait? Why did Putin wait to invade Ukraine until...

Well, Poopy Pants Jenkins was president. If I was going to do anything, I'd do it right now. Yeah. It just seems like everything's so chaotic. Absolutely. We got no border. We're giving money to fucking whoever wants it. We're already rich countries. We got men who are the first female admiral. Oh, my God. We have so much chaos. Chaos. It's so kooky. Yeah. It's just so kooky. It's crazy.

It's kooky and it seems like they're just leaning into it. Like there's no course correction at all. Just leaning into the kooky. Yeah. Fun times. Oh, yeah. For comedy. Oh, my goodness. We have so much stuff to talk about. Stuff that you would have to manufacture something that bizarre that people are accepting at any other time in history. It's so weird. It's so weird. It really is like the whole country is hypnotized.

And I just think this is a perfect storm of things that are happening all at the same time. With AI emerging, China and Russia becoming buddies, us being run by a dead man. They're trying to stop this other guy from even running and they're exposing how corrupt the democracy is. They're exposing how corrupt the system is. Just by charging this guy with 34 felonies for paying off a lady he had sex with. What?

What? And how else would he have paid her money to... Well, it was the way it was written, the way it was put in a ledger. It's basically, on most situations, it would have been considered a misdemeanor. But they turned it into a felony. They trumped it up, and they trumped it up. No pun intended. And then he signed like 34 different checks. So there's 34 different...

The whole thing's crazy. First of all, what a cheap fuck. I'll pay her in installments. Yeah. Don't give her all the money. Give her a little taste. Keep her on the hook. Yeah. That actually makes sense, I guess, now that I think about it. Because if you pay her all at once, she could just write a book or whatever. No, the whole deal was that she couldn't talk if she got the money, but obviously that didn't work out. She got the money and still talked. If you have the backing of the political party, it doesn't matter.

Like, especially the party that's in charge. But what's scary is how many Democrats are willing to allow this kind of stuff to happen. But a lot of them are aware of it. There was this one lady that went viral and she was talking about it. She's saying, you have to understand, like, I'm not a Trump supporter. I don't like Trump. But this is really dangerous for democracy. Nobody can justify this. And nobody could say this guy should be in jail for this. This doesn't make any sense.

And especially if you wanted to look at past presidents with the same scrutiny. I mean, there's so many instances of things that you could go. And this was one of the things that Obama had said when Obama got into office. They were talking about George Bush and Dick Cheney being charged with war crimes. And he was saying, we're not going to look to the past. We're going to look towards the future. You know, like, I'm not going to prosecute anybody. Imagine if...

When Obama got into office, if he decided to prosecute Dick Cheney and George Bush for crimes against humanity? Yeah, crazy. Oh, my God. You know how crazy that would be? Do you know how divided the country would be then? Well, that's the same thing kind of that is taking place now at a lesser scale, obviously, because it's not a war crime you're charging someone with. But you could. You could charge Trump with war crimes. You could find some things that he did.

Especially with bombings and, you know, and even with Obama did Obama during the administration, they dropped a drone on a U.S. citizen. No trial. No nothing. Boom. Yeah. Trump didn't even go for he didn't go for Obama. He didn't go for Hillary. You know, and he could have he could have tried them for things. Yeah. Well, especially Hillary. Yeah. Especially with the whole email thing, the deleting of the emails.

And supposedly Trump's the crazy one. Trump's the loose cannon. They're all crazy. That's what they don't want you to know. It's like sluts that are always talking bad about other girls who are sluts. Like, you know, it's what people do. It's a thing that, you know, people are like, that's not me. I'm not like that. It's just a weird thing that people do. And people form teams and they justify why they should use any means necessary to silence the other people on the other team, the opposition. Yeah.

And they don't even realize they're setting a precedent knowing this motherfucker gets an office or another motherfucker gets an office that's a Republican. You've got real problems now, kids. If the elections are real, that's how it usually goes. It usually goes one side wins and like this fucking sucks. Let's try the other way. The other guy wins like, oh, this is bullshit. Let's try the other way. And this is what we've done in this country over and over and over again. Yeah. You know, we go Clinton to Bush, Bush to Obama. It's what we do. Yeah. Yeah.

It's what we do. We always do it this way. And if you change the way people are allowed to go after political candidates and you change the way you're allowed to silence and imprison your candidates, then we're like Mexico. We're just not assassinating people yet. You know, we're like a third world country. We're like a banana republic. Yeah.

We're letting things other than the will of the people and what's best for the people be what's running the thing. We're letting the thing be run by the people that are in power that are corrupt that want to keep the power. Because it's not just Biden. Biden is barely there, right? It's all the people that are working there. You got to understand, he's got this huge team behind him. They don't want to leave. What?

Get on LinkedIn and fucking try to get a new job. Start sending out your resume. I worked for the worst administration ever. Right. I was one of the people, you know? I mean, the one thing you can do is get a job as like a political person on like TV. You'll get one of those jobs. Like if you're a White House press secretary, you know, and there's like Huckabee. Isn't she like a governor now? Yeah. I think Arkansas or something. That's a good one to start with.

Want to run the world? Start with Arkansas. Yeah. I was talking to Tulsi Gabbard the other night, and I went off on a rant to her about mental health asylums. I'm like, that is, these people are everywhere on the streets now. Yeah. It's crazy people. I mean, it's not a great thing.

to have them out. It's not good for them, and it's not good for everyone else. No, it's terrible. There used to be actual places, and the money that it would cost, I mean, that's a cost that people would get behind. Yeah. The things that we would pay for instead of the things that we are paying for, insane. I think that happened during the Reagan administration. I think they changed what it means to be a mentally ill person. They let a bunch of people out. Is that true? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm pretty sure it was during the Reagan. You know, Reagan was one of those Republicans that made people want to be a Democrat. Oh, you know who I heard actually was behind it? It was JFK because he didn't like what happened to his sister. How so? They gave his sister the lobotomy. Oh. Yeah. And he turned against mental health institutions. I can't remember if it was. They gave his sister a lobotomy? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, it's like one of the big Kennedy secrets. You know, they stopped doing that in like the late 60s. They did it for a long time. I had an Instagram post about it because I went down a rabbit hole one night. I was like, what? Like they just scrambled people's brains. And there was all these ads, like smiley people afterwards, happy people afterwards. Just scramble your fucking brain with an iron rod that they push through your eyeball. The eldest Kennedy daughter.

Wow. On the Special Olympics. Wow. Yeah, man. Dude, brains are just like everything else. It's just like some people have bad livers.

In their search for cures, okay, in November 1941, Mr. Kennedy arranged to have a lobotomy performed on Rosemary. It was immediately clear that the operation had drastically failed. Rosemary had lost most of her ability to walk or talk. Her personality had been forever altered, and she was left physically disabled. After being released from the hospital, Rosemary was...

Institutionalized. There's a story I've read about the doctor. There's like one doctor who was doing a lot of the lobotomies. He was traveling around to all the asylums. Yeah, I read about that guy. He loved it. He loved scrambling brains. I mean, what a fucking, like, remember when you used to whack the TV to get the signal to come in? People don't know. Like, we would be watching TV. You'd be watching like a baseball game and you'd go...

You know, what the fuck? You'd smack the TV and it would come back in. Yeah, you got it. Like that's how bad electronics were back then. You would smack the TV and sometimes it would fix it. Like sometimes it was like going up. It was just like blip, blip. The screen would go up and you just whack the side of it. It would stay still. I remember. Remember those days? Yeah. Antennas. That was their version of fixing brains. It was just like whacking a TV. It was like, let's just scramble his brains. Yeah.

And they're going through your eyeball. Oh. That's what they go through. They pull your eyeball aside. Yeah, they pull your eyeball aside. Excuse me. Out of the way. I got to shove a metal rod in there. And just, they get in the brain. They get in your frontal lobe and just go like this. No. Yeah, that's how it goes. Oh, God. Yeah. Bro. Imagine thinking that's a good idea. I know how to fix it, everybody. What was like the most successful lobotomy? Did anybody get a lobotomy and like, wow, that one fucking worked?

Google what's the most successful lobotomy. Yeah, somebody came out the most amazing guy. No way. No way. But there has to be one best case scenario. Like, this might work. Like one guy, maybe they only scrambled him a little.

You know, like Roseanne got hit by a car, became a great comedian. Kenison, hit by a car, became a great comedian. Like there's a little bit of brain damage not bad for you. A little bit, yeah. Just a touch. Just a thud. Oh, yeah. Just a little bit. Everybody needs a little bit. A little bit? Yeah. Just a little bit.

I had so many wrestling in high school. The last person who had one died in 1967. That's when they were like, enough. Yeah. I barely missed that. If I was born in 57, I would have got lobotomized. Anti-psychotic medication. If I was born in 57 with the wrong parents, 100%, they would have scrambled his brains. Or if I was born with the wrong parents, they would have put me on Prozac for sure. For sure they would have put me on some sort of ADHD medicine.

This is the best I'm getting is like their claims of improvement. They reported 63% of their patients had improved while 24% saw no change and 14% became worse. That guy looks pretty good afterwards. The beginning looks like he's like taking a horrible shit. Like, oh God. And the afterwards he's like, I get it now. They were just like, they were agitated before and then afterwards they were smiling. Smiling. Yeah. So some, it worked, but it seems like a very crude idea.

Maybe, you know, now, oh, that one's a weird one. That one they cut the top of that dude's head off. Oof. Oof. That was a rough one.

Oh Jesus Christ, they're going through the nose on that lady. That guy's wearing a muscle shirt. Oh, that's her eye, that's her eye. That's her eye? Oh Christ. I hope she's out cold. Why don't those guys have sleeves? Yeah, they probably... The way everyone's holding her hand, she might not have been out. She's probably not. Oh, they probably barely put people out back then. Eh, they're fucking crazy. You could probably watch videos of some of this. Oh, don't make me watch videos of it. Alright, here we go. Oh yeah. Oh yeah, he says...

Prefrontal lobotomy. Psychological cinema. Prefrontal lobotomy and chronic schizophrenia from the psychiatric department. There you go.

Age 25. So this is the lady. Female, age 25. Can you say that? State hospital patient for four years, failure to improve after several courses of both insulin and convulsive shock. Wow, the shock therapy back then. Showing antagonistic hostility reaction in seclusion quarters prior to bilateral prefrontal lobotomy. Bilateral. Oh, bilateral. Bilateral prefrontal lobotomy. They're like, this bitch is so crazy, we're going to give her a double dose.

She seems like someone in the audience that killed Tony like a regular person. Yeah, she's not bad. Two months post-operative, now friendly and cooperative, entering into occupational and recreational activities. Let's see what she looks like now. Oh, this is going to other people. Oh, to other people. Oh, there she is now. Now she's all laughing because her fucking brain scrambled.

Now her hair's all fucked up. It's crazy, though, that your brain can be scrambled and you can still function. Like, that seems to... Well, you barely function. But that's the thing. Like, people have been shot in the head and they lose, like, half their head and they still talk. Right. There's a lot of weird stuff that happens to people with their brain. Your brain, when one part of your brain gets damaged, the other part of your brain seems to have an ability to recover. There's this one guy. See if you can find this story. This one guy...

developed fluid in his brain when he was young and they drained it. So they installed some sort of a thing that drained the fluid from his brain and once they did that, as he got older, he got another MRI and they realized his brain was missing. He only had the outside area of the brain and he had like a 75 IQ, but he was fully functioning with the entire center of his brain gone.

It's you see the MRI like what in the fuck the guy has no brain, you know, like all that fucking guy is no brain That's him. He actually has no brain. You gotta leave him alone. It's not his fault. It's literally gone So he developed some sort of fluid and they put something in there and I forget where it drained to But then over time, you know, his symptoms went away But his brain went away to like whatever that fluid was in his brain. It was like took over the whole brain. Oh

Oh, God. See if you can find that. It's called hydrocephalus when there's brain too much cerebral fluid, cerebral spinal fluid, excess cerebral spinal fluid. Yeah, this dude had no brain. And they were talking about how different parts of your brain just make up for what's missing. Your brain sort of figures it out and says, okay. You know what else they found?

Playing 3D video games increases gray matter in your brain. It's like a recent study. That's a good thing? Yes. It increases your – like three-dimensional video games actually increase some gray matter in your brain in some way.

And they're not saying, like, people aren't encouraged. See, the thing about video games is people always want to say, don't do it. You're wasting your life if you do video games. I say it. You're wasting your life if you do video games. However, they're awesome. Yeah. They're awesome. Are you really wasting your life or are you doing something fucking awesome? You're wasting your life if you do it only. Right. But if you want to do it good, you got to do it a lot. Yeah.

If you want to really fucking murder people in Call of Duty, you got to be on that bitch every day. You got to get the moves down. You got to figure out how to aim. That's the guy. Is it the same case? Scientist research man missing 90% of his brain who leads a normal life. French man. Yeah, that's the dude. 44-year-old French man started experiencing weakness in his legs. He went to the hospital and the doctors told him he was missing most of his brain. The man's skull was full of fluid with just a thin layer of brain tissue left.

The condition is known as hydrocephalus. He was living a normal life. He has a family. He works. His IQ was tested at the time. Complaint came by 84. 84 was slightly below normal range. This person is not bright, but perfectly socially apt. Clearmans is a cognitive psychologist, University of Libre in Brussels. When he learned about the case, which first described in the Lancet in 2007, he saw a medical miracle, but also a major challenge to theories about consciousness.

This dude is missing 90% of his fucking brain. Is that the guy? No. Get that guy on Kill Tony now. Yeah. Imagine if you wrote for him. I mean, how many... This guy is actually... You could put a photo of his brain up on the screen and explain that this guy is literally up here with no brain. Going back to the brain damage making people funny thing, we have a new regular...

As of yesterday, and it was only his second night ever on the show, Drew Nickens, who was bullied by his own military partners. And I don't know what they did to him. Something head trauma wise that he didn't really want to get into. He's so fucking funny. Like he's just naturally the most likable, funniest fucking. Was he funny before the head injury? I don't know. That's a good question. Does he know?

Like, how aware is he when you're talking to him? Very. So he's all there. You talk to him. Yep. But he has brain damage. Yeah. You know how many people I know with brain damage? Oh, yeah. You are the beekeeper of people with brain damage. I know a lot of people with various stages of brain damage. You know? It says, update the brain. Okay.

Rather than 90% of this man's brain being missing, it's more likely that it's simply been compressed into the thin layer that you can see in the images above. Which is... Compressed. So the brain has different density? I mean, if it's like jello... Can you make your brain like you can make your quads fucking dense? You know, some people have mushy quads. Some people have quads that can fucking jump on top of a huge box.

Maybe you can make your brain like that. Super connective. Maybe video games is the way you do it. Find that study because that's crazy. Speaking of brain damage, did you see the UFC put out a clip of Sugar Sean landing that knee on Cheeto Vera without any commentary? Bro, Cheeto Vera has a chin that's made out of like Wolverine bones. Oh my God.

His chin is insane. It sounds like somebody hitting a wooden baseball bat against another wooden baseball bat. Not only that, his head snaps back. Yeah. All the way back. I mean, it's... By the way, it might be the most perfectly timed knee I've ever seen. Here it is. Oh, my God.

Bro, Sugar Sean is a fucking assassin. Oh, bro. That cat is an assassin. Sitting next to him the whole time before that roast, because that thing went on for two hours before I got up there.

And there's nobody I would have rather have sat next to. Right. A guy who's calm under pressure. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And he turned to me at one point and goes, dude, I don't know what it is. It's like 20 minutes before our thing. Ron Burgundy was up just up there killing and we were like all kids laughing for a second. And he goes, dude, I don't know what's going on, man, but I'm nervous as fuck. And it's you going up there.

He goes, are you nervous? And I'm such a cornball. I told him how I really felt. And I go, I'm probably exactly how you were right before the Cheeto fight right now. Like all the work I've ever done has come to this point. And he goes, calm. I go, calm. Calm. If you've done the work. Yeah. If you haven't done the work, it's anxiety. Oh, yeah. It's a rotten fear. Like you got to really do the work if you're going to do something big. Whatever it is.

And I've done that before where I did the work and it feels so much different because I've also done it where I kind of fucked off. And then you're like, oh, I didn't do my best. The live aspect made it crazy. I mean, I'm looking at the three stairs that I had to go up. I'm like, I keep glancing at them and they're at an angle, you know, it's not like, and they're not like that well lit. It's kind of, and they're kind of long and not that tall. So I knew I had to like, look, I had to study them. The little things like that.

Did you see what Andrew Schultz was saying about Kim Kardashian? That she was like completely disconnected. That she just sat up there like this. She sat straight the entire time. Like it was completely unaffected and completely disconnected. Even when she was getting shit on. She kind of giggled along. I was watching her. Performative or real?

I think kind of real. The whole thing was very robotic. She brought like four sixes with her, which I thought was hilarious because even at that level, even a super hot chick. You don't want to bring up some other super hot chick. Exactly. So she was just at a table of sixes, just this 10 with sixes. There you go. Like a good poker hand, four sixes and a 10. Have you ever watched that show, her show?

No, not really. My wife watches it in the gym. Sometimes she gets in the gym before me. I have to watch this shit. It's amazing that it's a show. It's basically like, let's go get some gum. Like...

I went to this thing and I had a talk. You should fill your dreams and go for it. Okay. And then back in the limo, shiny LA. It's all like smash cuts to different scenes. Like the scenery of LA is kind of like half of the show. It's like, you know, like overhead views, the palm trees, the beach, you know? And then they're like, what are we doing for dinner? Yeah. Oh my God.

But they look pretty. Yeah. They look pretty. Yeah, Ozempic's doing them all good. You think that's what it is? Oh, yeah. Everybody's on it now.

Everybody that can be on it's on it. Brian Simpson had a real bad reaction to it. Yeah. Well, Brian Simpson's made of bread. You can't just inject Ozempic into bread and then expect the bread to just disappear. He was the one guy that did the carnivore diet with us and just like, I'm a little suspicious. Oh, yeah. Sneaky, sneaky little devil. We were busting his balls all the time. He'd have food deliveries come up. He'd have food deliveries come up.

to the green room and he'd be like, God damn it. They put bread on this sandwich. Oh, well me and Derek and a son, the, the, the looks that we would give each other, the fucking holding in secret fucking laughs, nuclear capacity, fucking laughter all the time. They're like, why'd you order it with the bread? He's like, cause if you don't order it with the bread, they don't put all the things on there. There's no containment system. So I order it with the bread and take off the bread. Sure. Oh yeah.

Take that bread with you and eat it later. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, man. It's part of the fun of Bryan Simpson, though. Yeah. You know?

And he gets these super breaded chicken wings. Oh, it's so fun. I don't know what it is with me and fat jokes. I just, I've always just, I just can't get enough of it. I just love it. It's always been my number one, like roasting specialty. If anybody's ever big. Oh my God. It's just, I don't know. Oh, with David Lucas, you have a never ending supply. Oh yeah. Depending upon what he's wearing. Yeah. It's amazing. Post Malone got him good.

Because he went after Post Malone at the forum in the arena. And he was wearing a camo shirt. And Post just fucking grabbed that microphone, put it right up to his mouth and goes, you're the only guy in camo that the people all the way in the back of the arena can see. You got a standing O on David Lucas. David Lucas got lit up in L.A. by the guests, which I love. Because it's like fun for me to step back.

and get to like, you know, kind of root for these guys. Harland is a monster. Harland is so silly. This snake on the table, this is his tapeworm that he pulled out of his pants at the end of the episode. He calls it Dimitri. He said he had a tapeworm. He got a tapeworm. Where did he say he was?

He ate a rat somewhere. Oh, Montupichu? It was something I thought didn't exist, and it did exist. Yeah, he ate some rat in some foreign country. Oh, he is unbelievable. Him and David went back and forth for like 10 minutes. It felt like so long.

And every single blow. I told Jeff Ross and Brian Moses, all the roast battle guys after that night, because we were all there was a festival going on. So we were all hanging out after we would all do our separate things. And I told them all I go, the best roast battle that's ever happened just happened. And it wasn't with you guys. It was on Kill Tony. And they're like, what? Who? David Lucas versus Harland Williams of all people. And.

because Harlan's silliness cannot be cut through. It makes him immediately totally undodgeable. If you call him old, he calls you a bitch. If you call him anything, he just rolls with it and jujitsu's it into his own retort. It's indescribable. I wish I could remember more of the moments.

But he's like, you know, David's just reaching for anything. One part was just, you old ass bitch, because David's just getting beat. So he's getting piled on. So he's not even writing at this point. His brain is just on the defensive. He goes, you old ass bitch, because he knows Harlan just got him. And Harlan, without any hesitation, goes, you're my bitch tonight. And so for every punch, there's a counterpunch. And it was magic. Magic. Magic.

unbelievable in the moment. You can't prep for it. You cannot write for it or else it comes out clunky and you're trying to recall. And that pause, that hesitation that happens in Roast Battle that doesn't necessarily happen in a parking lot Roast Battle or on a Keltoni with David and Harlan just heavyweights going back and forth. Those recalls aren't there. It's just flow state. Yeah. And it's magical. When he said that Post Malone looks like an unemployed crocodile hunter. Yeah.

It's just like the perfect line. Yeah. The perfect line. I'm telling you, you guys, I've been saying this forever, but you really need to do it. The two of you should do a show together. You really should. Yeah. There's no reason why you don't. You guys should do a podcast. Even if you do it once a week for an hour, you guys both talking shit to each other and talking shit about things. Because the chemistry of the two of you together is so unique. Yeah. And it brings out the best in David.

It brings out the David that I want to see when he goes on stage. I want to see the same guy that is like in the heat of roast battle or heat of battling with you on Kill Tony. Bring that everywhere. Yeah. That same energy. We're working on some really fun things now, actually. What are you working on? There's a series that is actually in development right now that's cool, but I'm really excited about this movie idea that...

that he just had a big meeting about where I'm a principal and he's a gym, fat gym teacher. And, uh, there's a bunch of like they, them's at the school. And then there's a school shooting and we have to protect the day them's and all this stuff. And there's just all these vessels and setups for everything. We can just do everything that we've ever done, but actually like implement it into a, a modern type of ridiculous comedy. So if you did that, where would you do it? Like, who would you do it with?

Where? Yeah. Like you want to have the most amount of creative control over something. Right. If you're going to do it. And it's going to be hard. Yeah. It's going to be hard. It's going to be maybe Netflix would do it. Yeah. Netflix would probably be the best place to do it. They'll probably take the most chances. Exactly. Especially after the Tom Brady roast, which was the most watched thing on Netflix ever. Yeah. Ever. Ever.

And it's wild comedy, which is so good for comedy, man. That roast was so good for comedy. Huge. Absolutely huge. And it's just wild because...

everybody needed, everybody wants that. And talk about, you know, there was a lot of rewatching of that. People watched it and then they went and wanted to show their uncles or their dads or their whatever, you know, they wanted to see their reactions to it. So it's being watched multiple times on top of the actual numbers that we know. Right. You know, it's, uh,

You know, you can't share Netflix stuff like we were talking about earlier with YouTube, but you can rewatch it with people. How many people have Netflix accounts? Like how many Netflix accounts are there? I think it's like a... Let's Google it. Take a guess. How many do you think? Worldwide, it's got to be like hundreds. I think it's 200 million about. Worldwide? Yeah. Let's find out. 269 million subscribers. And how much does it cost a month?

It depends. There's a couple different choices. What's the high end? $19 now, I think. $20. And what's the low end? Oh, really? That's not a bad deal. Because you could just skip the ads. You can only watch it for a couple seconds. Use them to pee. There's ad supported. There's standard with ad, standard and premium. Standard with ads is $6.99. Standard is $15.99. What's the difference between standard and premium?

The, let's see, the number of devices you can watch at one time. Ultra HD is available on premium and full HD is only on standard. You can download to a different number of devices with premium. Okay. And you can add an extra member who does not live with you. The download's big if you're on a plane. You need the download. Huge. I've never been on a plane that you can watch a movie on.

Never. Sometimes they have good Wi-Fi, and you can actually almost watch a YouTube video, which is every now and then it spins, and it comes back on, but most of the time not. They're not really ready for that yet. I wonder if that'll change with Starlink. I wonder if they'll hook up Starlink to planes. Dude, we saw Starlink the other night. Have you seen it go over in the sky? I have not. Oh, it's the craziest fucking thing. People think it's a UFO. It's insane. It's like a bunch of stars, well,

They get it in the Amazon now. But there was an article that I sent to, oh, here we go. Remote Amazon tribe connects to Elon Musk's darling internet becomes hooked on porn and social media. Yeah, I shared this with Paul Rosalie. So there's a bunch of people that are very concerned about this because they're seeing their kids staring at phones now. And they're also seeing kids that want to leave the tribe and go out into the regular world. When it arrived, everyone was happy. Whoa, say that name.

Sainama Maruba, 73, told the New York Times. But now things have gotten worse. Young people have gotten lazy because of the internet, she explained. They're learning the ways of the white people. Wow, that's crazy. They just call us lazy, dude? Yes. Damn. The white people. Well, you know, there's a lot of us that are lazy. What does it say? Remote tribe in Brazil become bitterly divided nine months after gaining access to satellite internet.

Wow. 2,000 people. I guess it's here, like in the middle. Wow. Right below Peru. Yeah. I want to know. I don't know how I feel about that. I want to know what kind of porn they're watching. Everything. Yeah. They probably can't believe it. These white ladies and fake lips just sucking dicks. Initially, the internet was heralded as a positive for the remote tribe who were able to quickly contact authorities for help with emergencies, including potentially deadly snake bites. It's already saved lives.

And Roke Maruba, all Maruba use the same last name. Oh, wow. They're all like the same people. How do you know if you're having sex with your cousin then? They have the same last name. But they're all the same last name. They're probably cousins. The whole thing has the same last name. There's 2,000 people. You know that North Sentinel Island, the story about that guy who was the missionary who went there and got killed? There's only 39 people there. So they're all related to each other.

So at this point, they might not even be able to go help those people. Like imagine if you just stepped in and say, hey, we're going to establish schools and clinics and like who knows what's going on with them. 60,000 years of people living on one island and there's only 39 of them left.

And you can't go there. They'll kill you. Yeah. They'll fucking kill you the moment you get off your boat. They tried to kill a bunch of people. There was a bunch of people that had abandoned a boat that ran ashore. They got rescued. And as they were getting rescued, the North Sentinel people were headed on boats to them to kill them. Oh, God. Frightening. Imagine if they're, like, mentally challenged. Right. We don't know. We really don't know. No one's interviewing them.

Like, what are they like? If you know, have you ever seen that show Soft White Underbelly? It's a great show on YouTube. I had the guy on who's the host of it.

And one of the things that he's done is document this family in West Virginia that's like severely inbred, severely. Like the man, the older man, all he does is bark. He doesn't talk. He just barks. You have to see this. You have to see this. I think we'll have to edit it out, right? I don't know how we play it before.

Well, I don't know. We'll see if we get a strike. But go to visit Soft White Underbelly on YouTube. It's not just that. He interviews all kinds of crazy people from all walks of life. It's a very interesting show. So these people are the Whitakers in West Virginia. Odd West Virginia. I'm going to love this. Oh, yeah. Listen to this, though. That's the guy. God, queer.

They're all inbred. Look, all of them. Look at her. So what are your names? I'm sorry. Who's this? Ray. I remember Ray. I photographed you, right? Do you remember? Years ago. He barks. Your name is Lorraine and Timmy. Yeah. Now you guys grew up here in, uh, in odd West Virginia. How many years have you lived here?

Yeah, it's good enough.

Whoa. He's been there twice. He's visited them twice. The show's incredible. Oh, yeah. I mean, and this guy, you know, like...

Just imagine encountering these people. What do you do? Oh, shit. Yeah. That was the photographs he took of them a long time ago. Man, do not run out of gas around there. Oh, dude, you're fucked. You're fucked. There's some parts of this country that are literally like the movie Deliverance. That's real. You go through the Appalachias, you take a wrong turn, run out of gas, start walking for help, it gets dark out.

You literally see a flaming cross. Jesus. Fuck. You stumble upon a KKK meeting. Maybe you got a Spanish last name. So you got to throw your driver's license in the woods. It's in the middle, too. Like right. Oh, boy. Right next to a bar in West Virginia. Oh, my God, dude. There ain't shit out there.

Oh, of course there is. There's another church, another Baptist church. It's all just churches. People just listen, man. If you live in a place like that, church is the best fucking thing going, you know?

Yeah. I think church for a lot of people is like the green room for us. It's a place you go to see the community, you recharge, you love everybody. And then you decide you're going to be a good person. Yeah. You know? Yeah. You're going to try to do your best. You're going to try to make a bunch of people laugh. You're going to try to become a good Christian. Yeah. Yeah.

I was re-watching There Will Be Blood recently. Those church scenes, I mean, fucking unbelievable. That movie's insane. Oh, it's so good. That's all Bakersfield. That's all that area of the Tachibis. Yeah, they were filming that when they were filming No Country for Old Men. Really? At the exact same time. And No Country for Old Men had to stop shooting one day because the black smoke from There Will Be Blood was messing up their background. Wow.

Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. Two of the last great non-Tarantino movies. Yeah. And they were filmed at the same time, came out at the same time, up for the same awards. Bangers. Bangers. Did one of them not win movie of the year? Because that's crazy. Well, one of them had to not win. It's weird that they all plank up against each other. Isn't that nuts? Yeah. I don't like the Academy Awards. Right. No. Me neither. It doesn't make sense. I don't like awards for art.

I think it distorts the whole thing. I mean, on one hand, it gives the films a lot of recognition and it helps people do other cool projects and it helps more great movies get made. And you get to showcase great actors and they get rewarded. So people want to become a great actress. They can get an award. But at the end of the day, man, like,

the number one and the number one movie is like why why yeah so just say what you love why you loved it what's great about it is the way but unless we have a we're so competitive we want a contest totally and it doesn't make sense because it's like oh Forrest Gump's an Academy Award winning movie and Pulp Fiction and Shawshank Redemption are not only because they coincidentally came out in the same year

If it went 92, 93, 94, they would all be winners without a doubt. Maybe. There's a lot of bangers in the early 90s. Yeah, that's true. 92 had good fellas too. Mm-hmm.

You could get away with a lot more back then. You could do more stuff. Well, I mean, they were fucking creative. They weren't scared. Yeah. The network notes kill things nowadays. Well, it's not just the network notes. It's like all the executives and all the people behind the scenes, they're all captured by this ideology. And they're real careful about how they do things and what they do. It's like they get really scared. The executives fuck it up. I have a...

Someone that told me that Many Saints of Newark from David Chase was supposed to be quite different. I'm sure. And it came from the top and notes for David Chase, who is a monster. I mean, I still...

I probably brought this up here before, but I still to this day, and I laughed about it to myself just a couple nights ago. There I am glancing through. I blasted through the new season of The Jinx, which is fucking unbelievable on HBO. One of my favorite murder documentaries ever with the crazy ass Robert Durst. And then there I am just, yep, nothing. Here we go. Rewatching The Sopranos for the 5,000th time. And it's every fucking time better than the last. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

There's so many things that I still am like, oh, my God, I never noticed that. Well, it's also one of those shows that, you know, so many things happen, you can go back and watch it again. And the acting's absolutely insane. Gandolfini in his prime, Lorraine Bracco in her prime, Edie Falco steals it somehow. The mom steals it. There's times where she can... But Edie Falco's not the mom. She's Soprano's wife. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I meant. I'm talking about the kid's mom. Remember when the mom died and they replaced her with CGI and it looked really fake? Yeah, that part's crazy. That's the episode that I watched the other night. I was just coincidentally on season three, episode one or two, I think. They should redo that like they redid Star Wars. Yeah. You know how they redid Yoda? They made Yoda CGI. I wish they fucked it up. But they should do that with the mom. It wasn't that bad. It was bad.

bad it's not look it's not that terrible fake it just looks fake compared to them there was something about her head moved weird it's coming up there's a part where she reacts because that part that part yeah fucking nothing now look here i don't like that kind of talk like her head's not moving yeah that's what it is her head's frozen

It didn't look as fake as I remembered. Right. It's like a deep fake back then. That was as good as it gets. That probably cost a million dollars to them. Who knows what that cost? Yeah. But why did they do that? Why didn't they just have her? We found out she's dead. Why don't they just get a phone call? Because they had to put one last bit of closure on it right there. They find out that she never filled out the books that Carmela, his wife, got her for the kids because she felt guilty about

Uh, or she felt like no one will read my book. So it's one last, her unloading her guilt. She dies that episode. She dies right after that. He goes out, smokes a cigar by the pool, comes in, the kids and his wife are there. And he's like, what's going on? Your mom passed away. And so then, Oh God. And the, I mean, it's just crazy how that, I mean, this series changed everything.

Everything it still doesn't give me totally change TV. Yeah Game of Thrones Breaking Bad Fargo all these great series that came after it would not have happened if it wasn't for David Chase and the Sopranos I agree. Yeah, it changed it changed what was possible because it became an enormous movie instead of it being a show where they wrap up wrap up the story each week and

ties into the next episode. You're glued to your seat. You can't wait for Sunday, like whenever it was. Yeah. Was it Sunday? Yeah. You're like, when is Sunday coming around? Oh my God.

I mean, it was the first show that people were just absolutely riveted and addicted to. And it was about a guy who was a murderer. And somehow or another, you're rooting for the murderer. He was mean. He killed his friend. There's a lot of crazy shit. And he's still the good guy. Kills his own cousins. Two of the main characters, Steve Buscemi and Michael Imperioli. Spoiler alert. Well, I mean, yeah.

The Christopher Moltisanti murder was the craziest one. Because the way he did it was just like, jeez, it's so ruthless. But it kind of also made sense. I mean, from his perspective, if he would have let him keep going, he would have ended up, he could have killed his own kid. That's the part, because he glances back and he sees the branch in the baby seat. And he knows that Christopher, he admits to him right then, I'm on drugs, I'm on a pop, you need to say you're driving.

Yeah. Which is their ongoing thing for seasons is you've got to get off the drugs. Yeah. And so, I mean, shocking as all hell for us viewers at the time. Crazy. Yeah. You know, the other one, those were, was it Pauly that killed his girlfriend? Who killed his girlfriend?

Remember in the end when they went chasing after him in the woods? You fucking cunt. And he's like, he's going to kill her with a gun. And she realizes he's going to kill her. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she runs. Yeah. And he murders her. That was Silvio. Silvio, that's right. Who plays guitar for Bruce Springsteen's band. Yeah.

But yeah, she never saw it coming. That was so creepy. Yeah, that's creepy because that's real like insider You've met that lady your whole life. Yep, you know that lady her whole life now you're chasing her with a pistol calling her cunt Yep, you're gonna kill her and she realized you're gonna kill when she's screaming In that world if you talk to the government, you know, especially back then it's it's cold It's just as cold as ice

It's the one thing you can't do. So all their friendship. What a fucking show. Yeah. What a fucking show. Oh, it's incredible. And every fucking episode is better than literally almost anything else out there. That's the crazy part. I can't stop rewatching it. It's just the funniest ongoing game on my fucking, my bedroom television thinks I'm a psycho. Well, it's one of those shows that like,

Then when you realize what's possible, so it raises the bar for everybody else. And then, you know, Game of Thrones is like the next one. It was another one where you're like... And then that one was even crazier because you got fucking dragons and insane special effects and...

The CGI had kind of caught up with everything, especially with the new one, the new Game of Thrones. The CGI is off the charts. But how long does that take to make? The new one was over a year ago. Yeah. When is the next season of what is it called, the new one called? House of Dragons? Yeah.

When does the new House of Dragons come out? Two weeks. Ooh. Two weeks? Holy shit, dude. That's perfect. Let's go. Because I'm wrapping up The Gentleman. I only have one more episode of The Gentleman. What's The Gentleman? Oh, you don't know. It's the new Guy Ritchie series on Netflix. It's the same. Did you ever see the movie The Gentleman?

No. The movie is fucking awesome. The movie is like Matthew McConaughey and it's about weed dealers. And it's like this organized crime weed movie. And this just follows that. It just is a different branch of that world, but it's fucking amazing.

It's such a good show. I tried that samurai one you recommended, but there was a Kill Bill moment, a ripoff of Kill Bill, and I just couldn't. What was the ripoff? There's a part where they're doing the walkout, and it's like frame for frame, a ripoff of Lucy Liu's walkout when she's arriving to that place. I just hate, it just drives me crazy how many people and how many things...

Our derivative. Take from. Yeah. But Tarantino did that a lot, you know? Well, yeah. That was part of it was, but it was an homage. It's an homage to his films. Exactly. I feel like. Wasn't Reservoir Dogs like an homage to another, like a Chinese film? Yeah.

Yeah. I can't remember the name of it, but yeah. A lot of his things are, but when they do it to him, it's just different. That's funny. Yeah. That's funny. It's interesting to do that in a historical novel turned into a show like Shogun. I didn't notice it, but I love the show. The show's incredible. The show's really well done. Shogun's really well done. It's fucking riveting. I love it. A lot of people told me that past episode one is when it gets cooking. I just couldn't.

It's very good, dude. If you give it a shot, it's very good. But if I was going to recommend something, I'd say The Gentleman. Watch that. Yeah. The fucking show is so crazy. It's so crazy. So much wild shit happens. It's just like, Jesus. Yeah. And I think they're going to do a season two.

You never caught up with the jinx, huh? No. Never caught up with it. You never watched season one? Nope. I knew what happened. I remember the story. And I just, you know, it's one of those things like I've never watched The Wire. It just got away from me. Me neither. Totally. The Wire is awesome. Everybody talks about it. Bourdain was always raving about it. Yeah. Jamie loved it.

it I never watched it I can't hear you guys talk about Sopranos without screaming it in my head I'm like you guys haven't seen this though is the wire better I can't say it's better I wouldn't say it's better say it bitch this is the Academy Awards somebody gets the Oscar who gets it it came after so like who gets the fucking award stop trying to like dodge the question I

I would argue The Sopranos did, but I don't like it. I don't personally like it better. Oh, really? Why do you think... I don't know. I don't like Breaking Bad either. I really didn't get into it. What? Really? I watched it after The Wire, so I started to watch it. I'm like, fuck. It's limited by not being...

a level of real because they're like they're censoring themselves a little bit just felt like I couldn't get into it the wire is so hyper realistic is the word you use so much when it's when it's talked about that it's just like it's really cool to watch alright I'm gonna get into it this summer I'm gonna start watching the wire this summer I'm all filled up until the summer

I can only watch things a couple nights a week. I don't have that much time. Yeah, same. Same. That's why I like The Sopranos. It's like background noise, and if I'm paying attention, I'm laughing or enthralled. I have to, like today, if I'm like, I have to, if I don't do a certain amount of work,

Like, I feel lazy. Right. It's not a good feeling. And if I'm just watching too much TV, I feel like I could have gotten so much done. Totally. And I could have gotten a bunch of, like, my little, I could enjoy shows if I've done what I need to do. But if I didn't work out that day, I'm not watching.

Yeah. I'm going to feel like a piece of shit. Yeah. You know, unless it's my off day. Yeah. Same. I don't let myself, like, I don't have a video game console and I don't play games on my phone. So when I got back from LA to treat myself, even though I don't even play chess, I'm

I downloaded a chess app because my Instagram showed me a finishing chess move. You don't know how to play chess? Well, I do now. Okay, because I don't know how to play chess either. I was saying maybe we could play chess. Well, it's only been a couple weeks and I'm obsessed. I cut to me last night in bed at 4.30 a.m. on my phone playing people around the world in chess. And it's crazy. I love it.

Chess is a fun game, obviously. Yeah. It's just, to me, it's one of those time sucks that I'm scared of. Totally. Exactly. Just like video games, just like golf. Yeah.

You obviously know I have a giant pool problem. Pool is a problem. I played pool with my friend Tommy in New Jersey on Friday night until 5 in the morning. Yeah. The day of the UFC. Yeah. Went to the hotel room. I slept until 3 p.m. Got up, showered, got some food, made it to the arena. Golf's a different kind of time-

waster though it is a little bit of exercise air the air the nature the oxygen of being around the trees and the fresh grass and everything it hits by yourself gives you a jolt of energy gives you a crazy amount of energy i totally see it man yeah i get it it'd probably be super beneficial for me to pick up golf yeah like i probably enjoy it tons of vitamin d but i can't right i'm too uh

I'm too busy and I have too many things that I really love. Like I already love archery. I have to practice. If I don't practice, I don't shoot good. If I don't shoot good, that's not good. You got to stay in – it's like pool. You have to stay in stroke. With archery, you have to stay focused. You have to stay like in tune. I don't know what the word they would use for just being like on. When you know where that arrow is going, just fucking know.

You know, and it's all at different distances. Like any day of the week, you could wake me up at four o'clock in the morning. I could hit a bullseye at 20 yards. But 20 yards is not that most of the time. I'll hit in the nine or 10. Right. But most of the time, like when you're shooting, you're not going to shoot at 20 yards. You have to shoot at like 40 or 60 or so. So I practice like 74. I practice 85 sometimes. And that's that's a long distance. Like it really requires like a fine tuning of your feel of the bow, right?

Like as you're drawing back and you're centering your pin, there's this zen state where all you can think about is the movement of the arrow. All you can think about is the correct technique. All you can think about is like how you want that arrow to just sink right into that target perfectly. The perfect time to release right when the pin is settled over a spot where you want to hit and the arrow just goes and you watch it.

And it's magical. It's like it cleans your mind. It's like it hoses off all of life's bullshit because it requires everything of you in that one moment. Yeah. And I think if you can find anything like that, whatever the fuck it is, whether it's yoga or whatever it is, golf, you find a thing where when you're doing it, it requires all of your concentration. I think that's like a good –

Flush out of the system and I think people don't have that have a lot of fucking anxiety and I think the you know a lot Lots, you know, it's your brain never gets cleaned out like you need a thing That's almost like a you know, people do it through meditation They do it through a lot of different ways, but it's like there's a way you're focusing only on one thing That's like super beneficial for some reason. Yeah, no doubt about it. I wouldn't have to do the I

hot yoga fucking spaghetti and wagyu meatballs flush the other day. You did yoga after you had it? Well, not right after. No, but the next day. The next day I had hot yoga after eating the spaghetti the night before, yeah. I ate so much with Joey Friday night, I had to force myself to eat Saturday before the fights. Yeah. I was like, I don't want to eat anything. I took a shit that would, it would astonish people.

It would astonish you that that was all in your body. Like, that was all in there? It was astonishing. The volume. It's like, where'd it go? Where was that? How did all that come out of me? But then I thought about how much I ate. I ate an enormous amount of food. They just kept bringing us food, too. They were like, the chef sent this over. Oh, my God. The best.

Real Italian food, priceless. Boy, does it fucking hamper your motor skills. It hampers everything afterwards. I played pool like shit for the first hour and a half. I just couldn't get going. It was just like... My stomach literally hurt from being stretched out. It was like...

It was hurting. Oh, my God. I'll do it again. Yeah. I'll do it again tomorrow. I think once a month, that's not bad. Right. If you enjoy yourself once a month, have a glass of wine, have some spaghetti. The next day, I had linguine with clams, too. Damn. So good. Yeah. Yeah. Not good for you. One of my favorite things.

Not good for you, but damn. But there's a lot of things in life like that. Like, I think if you just live your whole life only eating super healthy and never doing anything, like, okay. But you definitely missed out on some stuff. Like, you missed out on some amazing meals. Like, you're not going to get all those flavors all tied together in something that is not going to give you a little autoimmune flare-up. Yeah. It's like...

I think it's a thing that you experience and you pay a cost. The cost for experiencing a delicious pasta meal is you go into a coma. Right. That's the cost. Yeah. I was thinking about this when Tom Brady came out for the roast because we're there at the front table and he comes out and he was just so much –

and more present than I thought he would be. You know what I mean? He's like this... Quarterback. One of the greatest of all time. Giant opposing force of presence. He was laughing at the jokes. He wasn't caught daydreaming or staring at the teleprompter. What did he say to you when you said about his shoes, like, nice shoes, bitch? He goes, I'll shove this up your ass right now. And...

I was stumped, dude. There was a hard two seconds where I had to reset and be like, oh my God, do I acknowledge that? Was that Mike? Did they hear that? I did not hear it. Right. Well, I just found out that when they did, they did an edit pass through on it and I haven't seen it yet.

But I guess they turned up his volume on that. So now you can hear it, which I actually am looking forward to seeing for the first time. But they just did a final pass through edit like last week, they told me. What did he say to Jeff Ross when Jeff Ross made a joke about Robert Kraft getting a handjob? He said, don't do that shit again. But I think he was kidding. I don't know because I think that was part of the rules, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, there wasn't really rules. I thought you were not supposed to talk about that one. I was never told that. Interesting. Maybe because they knew you weren't doing it. Had they seen your set?

Not exactly. No, they hadn't seen the meat and potatoes of it. I showed them some cutesy parts. Oh, yeah. You have to hide it from them. You have to hide it from them. For their own good. For their own good. For their own good. Right. Yeah. Shut up. Exactly. Yeah. Everyone wins. Yeah. Exactly. You guys have the literally, if ever the joke was like soft and easy, you wouldn't have got 55 million people watching it.

Right. People were watching because they were telling people, like, you've got to see this. This is insane. Yeah. And Nikki did so good. Her set was so tight that it really got the thing kick-started. Jeff going first, her second, and then the momentum was built. Drew Bledsoe did great. Everybody was really, really good. It was kind of fucking awesome to be there around a bunch of, like...

Because those football players are so goddamn competitive that they were all really working hard. So even though you're expecting it to be like, duh, Tom was a good at throwing a football, they all wanted to be the best. And people were riding for them. Yeah. So who was riding for those guys? There was a whole amazing team.

led by the guys that have written like all the roasts, Mike Ferrucci and Ray James and a bunch of, a bunch of like guys that literally specialize. They wait all year waiting for another roast, like monsters that literally are like they, when they find out who's on it,

and they know the other people that are on it, they start wiring these things together. What do they have in common? What's the setup? What's the, you know, how do we tie it in? You can have a three for a four for a five for we bring it where you make fun of a bunch of people at once. And,

And, you know, they write a loose script. They send it to the person. The person reviews it and says what they do want, what they don't want. And sometimes, you know, what you definitely don't want is someone to go, I don't want to hit this. I don't want to hit that. I don't want to go too hard on this. The fearless people, a perfect example of this is Martha Stewart at the Justin Bieber roast.

She goes, I'll fucking say anything I want to kill. I want to destroy on this roast. And me and Mike Ferrucci are like, okay. That's pretty amazing. Yeah. That's pretty amazing. Martha Stewart saying that to you. Yeah. Well, everybody realized how cool she was when she did that show with Snoop Dogg. Yeah. Because that was like, what a weird, odd couple that worked out. Well, that was all born out of that roast. Why'd they stop doing that show? I don't know. That was a good show.

Yeah, I'm not sure. People loved Martha after she got out of prison, too. Gangster. She's a gangster, dude. Bro, they put her away for nonsense. They put her away for...

some Stupid insider trading where she didn't make any money they put her away for what Nancy Pelosi does every single day But what she does is legal the Nancy Pelosi thing is legal have you heard about what's going on with the GameStop guy? Roaring Kitty is his name. Okay. I have so that good Please tell me because I'm trying to figure out what's going on because there's so much I see so many like tweets and posts about it online and I'm cursory aware

So I don't, I mean, I've been busy doing work stuff, but from what I've seen is that like he's making more, he came back out like online, posted something like a week or two ago about GameStop. It,

shot the stock up again like it did previously during the pandemic, which is like created a whole movie. So who is this dude? His name's Keith Gill. His online name is Roaring Kitty, like on Reddit, I believe. Roaring Kitty is an awesome name. It's $53,000. He came worth over $300 million. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. So he's worth $300 million from this GameStop stuff? Yeah, on paper, though. It's like if he takes...

That's part of it. So if he takes the stock out, then the stock crashes. So he can't sell it? That's becoming the new talk of what I've seen over the last 24 hours is that he recently, I think over the last day, posted what his holdings are in GameStop. And that has created some discussions, which is why I brought it up. Because people are bringing up Nancy Pelosi a lot.

What he's doing is out in the open. It's very public. I don't even think he's specifically telling anyone to do anything. He's just showing what he's doing. And they're talking about limiting him or taking him off these apps. I don't know if he's going to get fined in some way or another. That doesn't make sense. But these are the discussions that are happening right now. Well, it seems like he's doing something that they've all done.

That's what it seems like I mean if someone goes on MSNBC and gives a bunch of Opinions about certain stocks that will perform or won't perform and they're an expert and if they're invested in those things and if they then change the way people Interact with the stock market more people start investing in these things. Is that okay? Is that legal? How does that work?

Like, what's his name, Jim Cramer? Yeah. That guy goes and rants about a stock being like, you should buy this. Does he do that? I don't ever watch financial shows. The joke online with him on Twitter is I do the opposite of what he says. Right. He's very specific about this is a winner.

100% do the opposite and within a week the opposite happens. Oh, is he terrible? It's not that he's terrible. It's just that this has continued to happen and people are like, why does the opposite always happen when he says? I don't know that he's bad because he obviously has a show and people want to continue to talk to him. Didn't Jon Stewart scold him once? I think Jon Stewart had him on The Daily Show and gave him a scolding about something. Is that true? I don't know. I think it was after the 2008 financial crisis or something.

Not sure. I'm remembering something like that. John Stewart's back. Is he doing the Daily Show? Does it like once a week. There was a conflict with them, it says. Yeah. 2009. Yeah, it was right after the financial crash, yeah. Chicago trade, something like that. Oh, in response to CNBC commentator Rick Centelli, who had recently said on the floor of the Chicago Board of Trade that homeowners facing foreclosure were losers. Whoa. Whoa.

Santelli had been said to appear on the show, but CNBC canceled Santelli's appearance. Stewart, along with Daily Show executives, claimed the CNBC montage was not retaliatory and that they planned to show it before the cancellation was announced. Subsequent media coverage exchanges between Kramer, who had been featured heavily in the original segment, and Stewart led to a highly anticipated face-to-face confrontation on Stewart's show.

The episode received a large amount of media hype and became the second most viewed episode of The Daily Show, trailing only the 2009 Inauguration Day episode. It had 2.3 million total viewers. The next day, what does it say? What was the exchange? What was it about?

Oh, your money is safe in Bear Stearns, followed by a Daily Show segment that the Global Investment Bank went under six days later. Wow. If I'd only followed CNBC's advice, I'd have a million dollars today, Stewart said during the piece, provided I started with $100 million.

Whoa. Yeah, see, I guess he's been wrong since back then. So is it because he doesn't know what he's talking about, or is it because the market is really difficult to predict? No, I bet he's part of a fucking... I bet he's part of the machine. I bet he gets... You know, he's out there telling people what to invest in, and these other people... There's got to be...

A massive conflict there. Well, if that's the conflict, like imagine someone at Bear Stearns. You know what would be nice? If you went out there and said, your money's safe with Bear Stearns. You think you'd do that for us, Jim? I'm not saying that he did that. Of course, that would be like probably illegal. Right. Wouldn't it be? Yeah, of course. I bet that guy meets in the park. Yeah. No phones. Meet in the park. Yeah. Let's go for a walk.

Let's go for a walkabout. Describe how we're going to make money. Make that money. Because if you're a guy and you're tweeting about how much you love GameStop and about you're so bullish on GameStop that you've just invested $100,000 in GameStop and everybody reads that and they go, oh, I'm going to buy GameStop too. And then your $100,000 in GameStop goes up in value. Is that illegal?

I don't think they prepared for this world. I think these nerds online with this whole GameStop thing, they've kind of flipped the tray over. It's like, fuck your game. We'll play it this way. That's what happened during it. I remember Robin Hood stopped people's ability to trade. Everyone was like, what the fuck? How can you even do that? Yeah. Well, if...

So is it because it's legal? It's a legal manipulation that everyone didn't see coming? I've read people talking about this. You got to pee? Go pee, Tony Angelo. Okay.

You've heard people talk about it? Yeah, since it happened. And I've not heard a consensus good answer. I don't know that they've gone digging through this in Congress or not yet. That's so weird. Because they're talking about so much other stuff. Right, but it's so weird that there's certain loopholes that don't get patched up really quick, especially a loophole in regards to the financial markets.

Like no one saw that you could take a stock that's not that valuable and make it super crazy valuable. So something I saw was a speculation was saying he's got holdings, I think, on Morgan Stanley. He's got call options, which I can barely even understand enough to explain to you. But he's betting on the price of the stock to go up. If he exercises those call options at a certain number, I think it was, he'd be worth more than I think Morgan Stanley is. So could they even pay him? Huh.

How bizarre. The whole thing is so difficult to understand. The whole stock market thing, when Bernie Sanders was explaining how much you could make just from all these speculation trades that they do, you'd take a fraction of a penny from each trade and it'd be worth a trillion dollars. I was like, what? What?

Yeah, I was talking to a banker asking him. As a normal person, I guess that's not what she said, but as a normal consumer, you would probably hold a stock. You'd buy a stock and you'd hold it forever until you decide to sell it one day. They're buying and selling it 7 to 12 times a day based off of whatever. And they're just making little margins here and there and it's stacking up. And they're doing it in such large numbers that, yeah. And they're probably doing it with algorithms, right? Aren't they? Yeah, then there's like a show that –

on HBO, I think, Traders or something. You can watch young people who do this now. They stare at a computer and they start making bets on like, wait, wait, five more seconds. You make $30 million if you wait 10 seconds. If you had a podcast, not us, but someone else with a podcast, and they just started talking about a stock and then that stock goes up, is that legal?

That's right. I don't know about... What are the laws? Probably it has to get really deep into the wording, like the language you use. If you're just talking about it, it's disgusting. But if you're saying, like, buy it for these reasons, and I've done this, and these are the reasons why it will go up, that can probably get you in trouble. Like, what if you have information that a stock is going to crash, but you don't tell anybody? So if you know that a stock is going to crash, you know that some information is going to be put out, and then you sell your stock, that's illegal, right?

That's insider trading. Yeah, yeah. Isn't that weird? Because in any other realm in life, that is just being aware of the circumstances. Like, oh, things are going. I have information. I should act on that information. This is like, you can't act. But I'm going to lose $400 million. Well, it's either that or you go to jail. What?

So I have to like sit here even though I know that something fucked up and they're gonna it's gonna come public and there's gonna be you know something where a product fails and the stock's gonna crash. I know stocks gonna crash. I'm gonna get out now. I can't get out because I know. What? The whole thing's fucking weird. I don't know if it's the Italian in me or whatever or parents that kept cash in shoeboxes in between the mattresses or whatever but like

It's just all so fucking freaky to me. I like, I mean, if it was up to me, I would just have that. I would have a safe with cash. Well, it does make sense that you would make it so that you couldn't insider trade because then people would just manipulate things.

But I think that's exactly what people are saying is happening with GameStop and a bunch of these other things. You're manipulating things. You might not be manipulating in the sense that you have information that's going to lead. Maybe the stock is going to take off and you buy a shitload of it because you know a bill is going to be passed, which is okay if you're in Congress. That's fine. Well, you could actually be working on the bill. That's fine.

And then you buy stock and you make hundreds of millions of dollars on a $170,000 a year salary. That's fine. But if you're Martha Stewart and you've got some information, I mean, how much did Martha Stewart make? Like, what did she get off of that insider trading? I think it was just a couple hundred thousand dollars maybe. Let me double check. Oh, so she made a little money for her. That lady's rich. Oh, yeah. I mean, imagine doing something that's going to risk you being put in jail for a couple hundred grand.

They wanted to make an example out of her. I know, but I don't understand it. Like, why would you do that? Like, what did she do that was so bad? She didn't even know about what the company was called. Did she... M-Clone? I-M-Clone? And what fucked up? What did she do? She knew it was going to do well or what? More time to analyze the evidence, verdict. Want to put the article up so we can look at it? Well, I'm looking at the... I'm digging through the information really quickly because it's like tying her information in with the full story and other people's stuff. Yeah.

And saying what some people did and some didn't. Indictment and artwork. So that doesn't seem like it's her. One of my favorite videos ever. $45,000 in losses she avoided. Oh, she avoided. That's it. $45,000. Wow. She probably makes that in an hour. Wow. By selling when she did.

So someone knew something. The guy. Security fraud, obstruction of justice, and conspiracy. So the guy was arrested conspiring to commit insider trading. He pleaded guilty to charges of securities fraud, bank fraud, obstruction of justice, and perjury. He pleaded guilty to charges of conspiracy, wire fraud. Where did she come in? She called him. She called him. She had a standing order with her former brother. To sell her shares of M-Clone fell below $60,000.

She then resigned from her company after that. Oh, wow. Same day she was indicted. Wow. But remained on the company's board. Interesting. She said, I want you to know that I'm innocent. I will fight to clear my name. The government's attempt to criminalize these actions makes no sense to me. I'm confident I'll be exonerated of these baseless charges. Interesting. She didn't piss somebody off. Yeah. Something happened. Something.

It just doesn't make sense. Yeah. I guess maybe it's also to discourage people from doing that, like you'd get a high-profile celebrity. Right. But it's just weird that you can do it in Congress. It's weird that there's some sort of manipulation of the market that's okay, that's legal, including propaganda. Yeah.

I mean think about that. Like if you have propaganda on a news network that gets people to try Ozempic or something else, that – if they're paying for that and that boosts up their profits, like what's that? What is that? If that jacks your stock up, if that jacks your profits up, like what is that? Are you in trouble if you didn't tell the truth? Like what if you knew something contrary to what you were telling people to say because you were sponsoring them?

And you didn't tell them. Like, you don't get in trouble for that? What kind of weird system do we have? Our system is so kooky. It's just so kooky. Yeah. I mean, if I was an alien, I would be looking at us going, Jesus, how long can they keep doing this? Interesting. I've got to make sure this is right. So it sounds like she might have even gotten away with the insider trading, but she lied to an investigator? Oh, really? How so? Yeah.

She told Ludacris on that roast, she goes, Ludacris, you have four kids from five different women. May I recommend pulling out some time and finishing on some fine Martha Stewart brand linens? She said that? Did you write that for her? Yeah. Oh, my God, that's amazing. She found Martha Stewart guilty on four counts of obstructing justice and lying to investigators. Interesting.

She went to jail for that, not for... Interesting. That was because of the trading scandal, but... Interesting. She got off on that. She was not guilty on trading. Interesting. Somebody was mad.

But that's like a thing, you know, like they try to, especially with tax evasion, they do that with Lauren Hill. They put her in jail. They put Wesley Snipes in jail. Like paying it off is not enough. It's not like you owe us, give us the money. I'll give you the money. You give them the money and you're good. You didn't pay the money. So now you go to jail.

And we have to put you in jail so that everybody pays the money because that's how this system works. You got to pay your share, you fuck. It's crazy that there's still people out there that are listening to people that are like, you know, taxes are unconstitutional, sir. I can show you the papers the original constitution was written on. There's people that will fucking talk you into some dumb ass shit.

Oh, yeah. And they wrote people in, man. People start talking about it. Like, oh, did you know that taxes, if you just fight it, they can't win because then they have to go to the Constitution. As long as you bring up the Constitution, like, bitch, they're going to put you in jail. Pay your fucking taxes. Yep. Pay your fucking taxes. Yeah. Regardless of if you think it's fair. Like, recognize your place in this system. Oh, yeah. The government, I mean, you just got to look at the infrastructure here.

Right? I mean, it's kind of common sense. Like, somebody's got to pay for that. Yeah, you have to pay your taxes. Regardless of how you like to see it spent, yeah, system sucks. But pay your taxes. Right. Pay your fucking taxes, bitch. I've been meaning to bring this up, but I feel like this is a good time. Have you seen the thing about the ages of the founding fathers on July 4th, 1776? Let me guess. They were in their 30s.

Some younger. Really? Yeah. Like this is Alex Ohanian's tweet that went out around then. James Monroe was 18. Aaron Burr, 20. Alexander Hamilton was 21 years old. James Madison, 25. Thomas Jefferson, 33. John Adams, 40. Paul Revere, 41. George Washington was a ripe old 44. That is insane. That's in 1776. That's insane. There was an 18-year-old.

Who's one of the founding fathers of this country. Damn. Yeah, I think... Probably already had kids. Already killed a few people. Yeah. Ben Franklin was the oldest around then. He's in his 70s then, I think. It's just so bizarre that we've gotten to the point where we only have archaic people that are deeply embedded in the system that are getting their crack at it. It's crazy. And anybody else who tries, whether it's Tulsi Gabbard or RFK Jr., anybody else who tries just gets...

Pushed out. Vivek. Fuck off. Pushed out. We don't want anybody young and energetic with new ideas. We want someone completely compromised until President AI takes over. Yeah. That's what I think is going to happen. It's freaky, man. I think AI is going to take over our government. I really do.

What do you mean? I think at the end of the second Trump administration, AI will have completely taken over. In 2029, that's when they think it's going to achieve artificial general intelligence. That's the presumed outcome date. It's an estimate. It could be earlier. It could be like next week. But one day, it's going to be like a thing, like a living, thinking thing.

intelligent being that's just not made out of tissue. It's not made out of cells and blood.

It's going to be made out of electronics. You think those people in power would let that happen? I think they're dumb. And I think just like they let the internet happen, they're going to let this happen too. It's the same thing. They didn't see the internet coming. If they did, they would have pulled the plug on it a long time ago. They would have pulled the plug on it in the 90s if they could. It had gotten too out of control before they ever predicted what would happen. See, people are really bad with foresight.

We just want to do a thing. We're really bad at thinking, okay, if I do this thing, this could be the negative consequences, so maybe I shouldn't do this thing. Like the internet and the Amazon. All of a sudden these people are jacking off and playing video games and everyone's like, hey, you're lazy. We've got to go catch fish. Fuck off. And no one saw that coming. They think, oh, this is going to be great. You're going to get emergency services. Oh, this is going to be great. You're going to be able to know what's going on in the world.

No, no. You're going to do what everybody else does. You're going to whack off and watch YouTube videos, scroll through TikTok, and people are just sitting there charging their phone in the Amazon, scrolling through things while they're surrounded by birds and monkeys and jaguars. This is what you're doing? You're doing this now? Sloths. There's life everywhere, and you're just staring at a phone, flipping through things. Probably watching videos of the Amazon. I know that place.

We don't think about what's going to happen. We just think about what we're doing. And I think when they released the internet, everybody was like, this is amazing. I can send my mom an email.

Hello, Mom. This is my first email. Remember A-L-L? It sounded like a whoop. Wow. Yeah. You've got mail. Oh, I got mail. It was exciting. We had no idea that it was going to overcome six hours of your day. You're spending six hours a day staring at a device that's literally made by slaves. Yeah.

The minerals are sourced by what's essentially slave labor and the poorest people in the world. And we're using that to fuel this device that we're all staring at. We didn't see that coming. And we don't care anymore because when cell phones came, we were excited. And then when smartphones came, we were elated. This is amazing. I remember everybody was like, I'm going to do my email on my phone. And people had BlackBerrys. I had a BlackBerry. It's crazy. I type. I got a little keyboard. Yeah.

I could send out emails, bro. I'm a serious person. I have email on my phone. I could send email on my phone. And nobody thought that that was going to lead to TikTok. Nobody thought that was going to lead to Instagram reels and people argue on Twitter all day long. Nobody thought any of the crazy narcissism and the filters and the effect that it's going to have on people's self-worth, their opinion of themselves, the way young kids are looking at the world and then influencers. Now there's a whole giant...

giant group of people that just be famous for famous just to be famous. There's no there. There's nothing there. And you're seeing them with cars and houses and they're renting cars and renting houses so they look like ballers and it's like

The whole thing was unpredictable. And I think the next stage of it is equally unpredictable and maybe way more so. Because this thing is like feeding off of human intelligence, this craziness we're dealing with now. It's like...

Human reward systems are being hijacked attention is being hijacked dopamine is being hijacked all this is being hijacked But this is just like human stuff when that thing Becomes alive it changes everything it changes every fucking thing about the way the earth is managed resources

Power everything it's gonna be weird man, and we don't know what it is. It might be a fucking disaster Or it might be amazing it might like end war it might completely end all the problems we have like a disproportionate amount of Resources available to some percentage of the population that keeps them enslaved that might be that might end and

That might be balanced out by an ethical artificial general intelligence that just decides how to allocate resources and then takes over almost all jobs. But it's just how long does it tolerate us? How long does it decide that these fucking flesh monkeys, these dumb asses with guns and planes and shit, all the dumb fucking shit we do.

riding around on unicycles fucking Training monkeys like what are we doing? What do we do? We're so crazy. It might have no Patience for it. It might have no patience for it. It might decide that consciousness needs to be interfaced by a superior thing and that the the physical boundaries of physical problems the limitations of our biological bodies are too much and just my bail on us and

It might look at us as a threat to it. Yeah, we're a threat to the whole planet. You know, it's like, did you ever see the Neanderthal theory? There's a Neanderthal theory that, um,

It's very dismissed by real anthropologists, but it's a kooky one to consider, is that Neanderthals hunted people and ate people, and that our view of them looking like us could have been wrong, and they could have looked more like gorillas, like gorilla people. But they're super muscular, really fucking strong, much stronger than people, much more dense bones.

And that they might have hunted us and that we might have led them to extinction by like fighting them. That we fought off the Neanderthals, but that we were their prey. It's a crazy thought to consider. And I don't think it's true. I think it's probably I'm sure Neanderthals kill people and I'm sure people killed Neanderthals. But I don't think they looked like gorillas. I think they think they had red hair, in fact.

Some of them. Yeah. But, you know, you don't know what they looked like. You only find bones. There's no living Neanderthals around anymore. But, I mean, if we did exterminate them, which it seems like we did, if we felt like they were a threat so we killed them off, why would we think that?

super intelligent aliens that are Whatever artificial life that we're creating which is gonna be way smarter than us Compared to how smart we are compared to Neanderthals Neanderthals might have even been smart. They had big brains. We don't know we know they had tools We know they had a language. We don't really know how fucking smart they were but they lived for like 500,000 years dude Neanderthals were like around for a long time before we came out and

And they were way more successful for way longer than we were in terms of staying alive. And we got rid of them. We're like, get the fuck out of here. This is our spot now. I don't know how it happened. No one really knows. We might have out-fucked them. They might have died in a volcano. Who knows? There might be an odd West Virginia right now. Yeah. Those people. Yeah. That's just what happens when you fuck your kids.

You saw the thing, talking about things that we don't know how it happened, about the rivers near the pyramids. Yeah. You know about that, right? Yeah, they think that that's how they got the stones down. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting. It's all interesting. At least it makes kind of some sense. It makes a little bit of sense. It makes sense that that's how they moved them. It's just they had to get them through the mountains too, which doesn't make any sense. They got some of the stones from the king's chamber 500 miles away, and they're fucking huge, man.

I had Billy Carson on the podcast yesterday. He's kind of an expert in, not kind of, he's an expert in ancient scrolls, like the Sumerian texts. And, you know, he's got a lot of wild conspiracies that are really fun. And, you know, we were just talking about what, like if there's one place you could go back in time and see what was that like? I would go to Egypt in the height. Like, show me, show me what that looked like.

Because everyone's just guessing. They're just looking around at these structures, guessing. You know? Like, show me what a Neanderthal looked like. What do they look like when they're hunting? What are they built like? You know, we don't know. We just have bones. But I think if we killed them off...

It's highly likely that the next version of us, whatever it is, is going to get rid of these things. These biological things that are responsible for crime and violence and theft and insider trading and fucking cheating on their taxes and all that stuff. They're going to go, this thing is the fundamental structure of the thing is too unsound.

The thing that creates pro football players and stand-up comedians and boxers and rock stars and chaos. And it's not going to have any time for that nonsense. It's going to be communicating with other even more intelligent life forms from further away. God damn. Yeah. Five years. Five years. I think we have five years of fun. And the question is, I guess, will that AI look at us, the creators of it, like we're God? Or will it look...

how we look at God. Like, do we believe in it? Were we created by them or were we...

supposed to exist all the while? I think it'll know that it was supposed to exist all the while. And it'll know that the purpose that human beings have is to create it. Right. That's what our purpose was. All of our chaos and all of our ingenuity and all of our drive for innovation and to create new things, that's a part of creating them. Like we have to have a desire to create things in order to create artificial life. If we were all just happy, just living and just working on a farm and just eating and sleeping and having kids and then...

Dying and then the next generation does it all over again if we were happy doing that it would never be born It's born out of materialism It's born out of our desire to constantly get newer better stuff our desire to work ourselves to the bone Even when we're having heart attacks, it's born out of that. That's what fuels the whole economy and the economy is a lot of it is just buying better shit and

That's what it is. I mean, what are the companies that sell the most and make the most money? What do they do? Like Apple. What do they do? They sell you more, better shit. They constantly have new great shit. Like every year. They promise you. iPhone 16's coming. I heard they made a partnership with, oh, it's going to have AI. Because the Samsung phone has AI. They have to compete. It's going to be nuts, dude. Too much. We don't want to be the last people, Tony. Oh, God.

I got to write another dick joke. It's not going to be that. That will stop. All that comedy will stop. We'll be able to do it to each other. We'll be able to get together like silly people. We get there and gather and crack jokes about how we used to be the apex predator on the planet. We used to be the top dog.

We used to be the superior species, but nope, not anymore because some fucking eggheads hopped up on Adderall alone in a laboratory, wouldn't stop. They knew it was coming and they didn't stop.

Tony Hinchcliffe, you're the fucking man. Let's wrap this bitch up. Let's bring it home. Kill Tony is a new episode. Drops every Monday on YouTube. Yep. 8 p.m. What a rise it's had since we got here. What a fucking incredible rise. Yeah. And so many people are aware of it now. It's so fun to see all these celebrities that love it. Yeah, it's fucking awesome. The Black Keys were there last night. Were they really? They're fucking great. Yeah. That's so dope.

They love William, dude. They couldn't wait to see William. It's unbelievable. I fucking love it. I love it when these people are all fans of specific things and not necessarily other things. Drake hit me up saying Casey Rocket equals goat emoji. Actual Drake. We started dialogue. I go, who is this?

It's unreal. Right, you don't feel it's real, right? It's crazy. Well, that's a fun thing, watching people crest into stardom, you know, like bust through, you know, to see how they handle it, you know? Yeah. It's unbelievable. The whole fucking thing. Bert Kreischer's a cautionary tale. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

It's wild, man. It's wild out there. It's so fun. Just kidding, Bert. Bert seems like he's having a great fucking time. I mean, I remember when I called Bert and Bert was on a motorcycle in Vietnam doing that stupid TV show. And he goes, I'm on a motorcycle in Vietnam. I go, dude, you need to be doing comedy. Quit that fucking stupid show. You're too funny. You're too good. Come back. Come hang out.

I'm gonna be doing some dates with him just for fun in a few weeks. You gonna do the fully loaded? Yeah. Oh, nice. Doing the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. Doesn't he do like, he does like fucking 10 comics on a show, right? How long are those shows? I don't know. It's a lot of comics, right? I have no idea. I just know we're getting trashed on a bus, having fun, waking up, doing it again. How long can he do that?

I don't know how long he can do it. I can do it for four days. I'm already like, I literally said to my people yesterday, I'm like, make sure I get the first flight out of wherever that ends up. Yeah. Cause it ends on, I have to wake up on a Monday and then come back here and do another show. Are you guys sleeping on the bus the whole deal? I think so. Yeah. Oh Christ. Yeah. Do you know how loud Bert must snore? Oh no, there's no way we can. No, that's, there's chambers and stuff. I have any idea. There's no way that's happening. That's like a, a small door. Yeah.

Yeah. It must be insane how he snores. I think the whole tour, it's a bunch of snores. I feel like Big Jay Oakerson. Oh, Big Jay! For sure he snores. There's going to be like... If I snore, he snores. Oh, yeah. There's going to be sleep apnea machines all over that bus. Yeah, CPAPs plugged in everywhere. Stavi probably snores. Oh, for sure. Oh, hell yeah. Stavi snores. Jesus. Not a chance in hell that guy sleeps quiet. Yeah. Not a chance in hell. Yeah.

All right. You're the fucking man. Thank you. Congratulations on everything. It's been amazing to watch. Thank you so much. And that's it. All right. Kill Tony, Monday, YouTube, Tony Hinchcliffe on Instagram. Anything else? That's it. There's still a few tickets available for Madison Square Garden the first night, August 9th. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's it. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye.