February 15, 2021
01:42 Share

*This episode is also available as a blog post: *http://breakup.blog/2021/02/16/february-15-2021/)

Transcript:

Dear [Redacted],

No amount of apologies will heal the hurt I’ve caused. I’m going to let you be, I promise. I’m going to make myself. And if I don’t I promise I’ll end it all. I should’ve never contacted that girl. I should’ve never even been looking on your Instagram account to begin with. You blocked me for a reason.

I don’t want to be like this. I thought at first I was doing this out of a sense of love. But I just wanted to have you all to myself. I’m selfish. I’m also sorry the girl accepted my invitation for a date. I blocked her yesterday. It’s the least I could do.

I prayed for you today. I asked God to give you ten really good friends. And to help you heal. I’m trying really hard not to pray for selfish things, but I asked God to help me so I can find inner peace and leave you be. I mean it this time when I say I’m going to leave you alone. I can’t keep doing these awful things to you. I hate the person I have become.

I’m afraid that this isn’t the person I’ve become though, rather this is the person I’ve always been. Maybe evil was always lying just under my skin. I didn’t know I was so capable of ruining so many things.

Maybe a hundred years from now you’ll forgive me. Maybe not. I’m so sorry.

I don’t think I know what love is anymore. Love should never be selfish and painful. It should be liberating and calming. I’m going to heal myself, for myself. And I’m going to hope that you heal as well. Things are best left the way they are now.

If there is anything I can do to amend them, let me know. If just leaving you alone forever is my amends, then I will do that, too. I’m so sorry for hurting you.