cover of episode CM 267: Michael Gervais on Overcoming Our Biggest Fear

CM 267: Michael Gervais on Overcoming Our Biggest Fear

2024/6/3
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Curious Minds at Work

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Gayle Allen
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Michael Gervais
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Gayle Allen:本期节目探讨了人们对他人意见的恐惧如何影响他们的生活和工作,并采访了高绩效心理学家Michael Gervais,以了解克服这种恐惧的方法。节目中,Allen分享了她与Gervais的对话,探讨了生物机制、社交媒体以及自我认知对这种恐惧的影响。她还介绍了Gervais的著作《掌握的第一个规则:停止担心人们对你的看法》。 Michael Gervais:Gervais指出,对他人意见的恐惧是阻碍人们发挥潜能的最大障碍之一。他解释了这种恐惧源于大脑中古老的生存机制,即渴望归属感和避免被群体排斥。他通过多个例子说明这种恐惧如何导致人们在工作和生活中做出妥协,例如不敢在会议上发言、假装忙碌或附和他人意见。Gervais强调,虽然在某些情况下他人意见很重要,但当人们了解自己、明确目标和人生意义后,他人意见的影响力就会大大降低。他建议人们进行内省,建立清晰、稳定和积极的自我认知,并明确自身的目标和价值观。 Michael Gervais:Gervais详细解释了大脑的默认模式网络(DMN)和选择性注意网络如何共同作用,让我们时刻关注自身是否被接纳,以及外部环境中的潜在威胁。他指出,他人意见的潜在拒绝会触发大脑中与生存相关的机制,即使在现代社会,这种机制仍然会影响我们的行为。他将这种恐惧分为三个阶段:预期、检查和回应。在回应阶段,人们可能会屈服、顺从或对抗。Gervais还探讨了自我价值感如何与这种恐惧相关联,并指出人们容易形成基于绩效的身份认同,这会将自我价值与特定行为的成功与否联系起来。他建议人们从基于绩效的身份认同转变为基于目标的身份认同,这能带来自由和力量感。

Deep Dive

Shownotes Transcript

There are many good reasons to look to others. For example, you might need expert advice or feedback to improve your performance. But there’s one reason not to, and, that is, to determine your self-worth.

When you look to someone else to define you or tell you how to live your life, you lose a lot. And if you find it hard to believe you’d ever let someone else influence you in those ways, you’d be surprised.

Michael Gervais is a high-performance psychologist who’s worked with elite athletes, artists, and leaders. Through his work, he’s learned that one of the biggest obstacles standing in their way is fear of other people’s opinions. And he’s seen just how crippling those fears can be. That’s why he’s written the book, The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying about What People Think of You.

In talking to Michael, I learned how our biology sets us up to place a lot of weight on other people’s opinions. I also learned how social media is designed to reinforce that fear. Fortunately, Michael shared insights on what to do. I walked away feeling empowered.

Episode Links

Stop Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions

Free Your People from the Need for Social Approval

Build a Great Team on a Relationship-Based Culture, Not the Myth of Family

Interview with Jonathan Rhodes on Getting the Life You Want

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

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