Networking often evokes moral discomfort because it involves commodifying relationships, which many people consider precious. Research shows that instrumental professional relationships, like those at networking events, can make people feel 'dirty,' leading to a desire to cleanse themselves. Additionally, many feel they lack the skills or 'playbook' for effective networking, which creates anxiety.
The three main social network patterns are expansionists, brokers, and conveners. Expansionists have large networks and are often seen as quintessential networkers. Brokers connect different social worlds, fostering innovation and creativity. Conveners have dense, trust-based networks where friends are interconnected, providing strong reputational benefits.
Vernon Jordan Jr. began his career as a chauffeur for the mayor of Atlanta, an unlikely job for a college graduate. This role allowed him to establish connections that propelled his career, eventually bridging Wall Street and politics. His understanding of social structures and ability to connect disparate groups led to his success as a civil rights leader and presidential advisor.
Brokers connect groups that normally wouldn’t interact, fostering innovation and creativity through recombination. They fill 'structural holes' between social worlds, enabling the exchange of ideas and resources. Brokers often have high self-monitoring skills, allowing them to adapt to different social contexts and read rooms effectively.
Homophily is the tendency for people to associate with others who are similar to themselves, which is a defining trait of most social networks. This can limit diversity and innovation. Brokers counteract homophily by connecting disparate groups, enabling the exchange of new ideas and perspectives.
Conveners' networks are dense, with friends often interconnected, creating a strong sense of trust and reciprocity. This structure allows for deep relationships and reputational benefits. Conveners tend to self-disclose more, which strengthens bonds and fosters mutual support within their networks.
Early in a career, an expansionist network is beneficial for meeting diverse people who can provide information and support. Mid-career, a broker network fosters innovation and creativity. In executive roles, a convener network is advantageous for leadership and managing complex social structures, while also addressing chronic loneliness at the top.
Listening is crucial for building strong relationships. It allows individuals to feel heard and valued, fostering trust and deeper connections. Effective listening involves giving space to others without interrupting or jumping in with personal stories, which can enhance the quality of interactions and strengthen networks.
Remote work has increased feelings of loneliness, particularly for conveners, who thrive on dense, interconnected networks. Brokers, who are used to bridging gaps between groups, may adapt better. Expansionists, with their large networks, may also fare well, but the lack of in-person interaction challenges the trust and reciprocity that conveners rely on.
The 'six degrees of separation' concept highlights the interconnectedness of social networks, showing that most people are connected through a small number of intermediaries. This remains true despite technological advancements, as network properties like conveners, brokers, and expansionists continue to bridge social circles.
For most of us, networking is a topic that brings up a lot of strong feelings. And most of those feelings aren't all that positive.
Ultimately, we know we should network. But just thinking about it can make us uncomfortable. In fact, research shows that many of us associate networking with something dirty. On top of that, we feel guilty for not devoting more time to it.
That's why I wanted to interview Marissa King. Author of the book, Social Chemistry: Decoding the Elements of Human Connection, Marissa is Professor of Organizational Behavior at Yale School of Management and an expert on social networks.
Marissa's take on networking is refreshing because she emphasizes the relational aspect. She also provides tools for gauging how we network, so that we can easily see how well our approach is working.
Her discussion of networking and her strategies for how to reframe it more positively help us to walk away without feeling icky. At the same time, her tips inspire us to tend to our professional network the way we would our personal one.
If you're looking for a fresh take on networking, I think you'll enjoy hearing what Marissa has to say.
Episode Links
Shout-out to Heather Cox Richardson for her Letters from an American
Professional Networking Makes People Feel Dirty by Carmen Nobel
Do People Mix at Mixers? by Paul Ingram and Michael W. Morris
Marissa King's site for assessing your networking approach as convener, broker, or expansionist
Self-monitoring
How to Build a Better Social Network and the work of Ronald Burt
Why Do People Gossip? by Sophia Gottfried and the work of Robin Dunbar
Yo-Yo Ma and Silkroad
Homophily
Heidi Roizen
Curious Minds at Work Team
You can learn more about creator and host, Gayle Allen, and producer and editor, Rob Mancabelli, here.
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