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Welcome to another episode of Cultural Collision. I'm EJ. I'm Victoria. In today's episode, we delve into the theme of personal growth and resilience, exploring the journeys of individuals who have embraced untraditional paths in life. Join us as we reflect on the lessons learned and the strength gained from these experiences. In this episode, we want to talk about our personal growth and the lessons we've learned along the way. So reflecting on your journey...
What are key moments or experiences that have contributed most to your personal growth? I remember when we first talked about this, when we chose this topic and we realized maybe are not like any time in short time, something happened and experience our like change our life. And so we decided to looking back from very beginning to our whole life. So I think
When I look back, I'm thinking there are three like pivotal moments in my life, how it changed me as a person or like helped me with personal growth. And I think the first time is when I was in my junior high school. So my father felt like seriously ill and he did a major surgery. That experience I
no like I realized then I was like I started to evolve with like decisions in my life and also in my family making decisions not just for myself but also for my family I think that's like one of the biggest key moments for me and changed me and the second one I was thinking about is when I went to Hong Kong for and post postgraduate study and worked there for two years
Because for me, my early 20 years was all live in Beijing with my parents, I miss my friends, even though in the college we live in the school, but it's still when during the weekend is you go back home. But moving to Hong Kong, that's like, mark my first step into adulthood and independence away from home.
But I was like thinking about I was lucky to have like work with a study with like people I really like and was I worked with the colleagues are very nice to me. And also I was able to forge a deep bond with a cherished friend who remains still an integral part of my life to this day. And another thing.
key moments, like another thing happened is in my early 30s, I think for our listeners who like follow this episode from the beginning will know like I broke up with my ex. We've been together for a long time. We know each other's family very well. We have a common community, like common friends. And with that experience, I
I think that's also a very difficult decision for me to leave. And also afterward, there was an experience, opportunity for me, for my company asked me if I want to relocate to Singapore. Then in my early 30s, I decided to move to Singapore. I think all this moments has shaped me in profound ways, showing me how resilience, adaptability, and importance of following my own path.
Also looking back, I feel like each key moments, each moments changed me or like pushed me for the personal growth is actually painful experience or like something unexpected. And then you feel so like sometimes if you're hurt or something, sometimes you feel, oh, I need to try something new. Then that's the personal growth. Start looking for like start to take you to a different path. How about you?
I agree that some of the moments that were really meaningful to me were some of the more hurtful ones. I have two that I thought of. The first one was when I was younger. I have others. It's just that I feel like I've talked about my parents' divorce and moving to China and to the U.S. before on the podcast. So when I was younger, I used to play pretty competitive soccer. And...
You know, it was really exciting for me. I was a top player. I played the most minutes and I was having a lot of fun. And then there came a point where things got really more competitive and they switched gears. And I had a really hard time keeping up with my teammates. And the backdrop of this is that I was also experiencing my parents' divorce at this time. So there was a lot of just emotional and physical stress that I couldn't keep up with everyone.
And I had a coach who really helped me out through that moment and taught me a lot about
you know, even when you can't do everything, you can give yourself a little bit of energy. You can really try to push through things. That was really hard for me because we were starting to do more conditioning trainings where we would run and we would do strength training and cardio a lot. And as someone at that age, I didn't have the discipline. I didn't have the regimen to do that. And so it was really nice to have that mentor, that coach there to help me through that process.
Eventually I got cut from the team, so it didn't work out for me. But it was a really important learning experience for me at a young age. And it has really helped me challenge a lot of kind of mindsets about like what I can and can't do. What are my physical and mental limits?
The second experience that I feel like that has brought me a lot of resilience growing up was losing my grandparents. I lost one in high school and then I lost one a couple of years later in college. And so in our last episode, we were talking a lot about love. And I feel like my grandparents are two big people who showed me a ton of unconditional love in life. Um, um,
Yeah, it was really hard. It was my first time experiencing death at that point in my life. It was my first time experiencing so much grief. And I think that I'm someone who can...
Not avoid, but I try to over compartmentalize sort of negative emotions and sad emotions and I sort of tuck them away and I'll deal with them later. And so that was really a big process and me having to confront some really heavy and big emotions at a particular time of life.
And so reflecting on their lives gives me perspective on like how to navigate family relationships better and how to understand my parents, like where they come from so we can work a little bit better. So those are the two things that come to mind for me that were big, big.
sort of challenges or setbacks for me in my life that I had to deal with I think we have a similar feeling for like the close one we when we lose someone we're close like grandparents were like people in our life we have the same feeling the first thing you mentioned about is in the sports field right and also most of the time like I think if you are really dedicated into a sports and tell a
so much things but that's very different from like western and eastern people because when for us when I can remember like
PE class it's not like that it's just people have fun we're trying to relax we're trying to avoid some like long running especially for girls but in the US it's so serious when you train something so serious it's like you're like pretty good soccer player and that teach you a lot I remember like I read the books and also they were talking about also the people around me like who study in the US from like high school and they all spend a lot of hours like each day on some sports and that can tell
teach you a lot from sports. That's quite like different. Anything like people live in, grow up from China will have that kind of experience. Like I think in some instance, right? Encounter setbacks. It has a clear indication that particular password situation may not align with our like aspirations.
rather than like persisting in the face of adversity, resilience can sometimes mean recognizing when it's time to pivot, reassess priorities and chart a new course forward. And that's for me, like what I learned from how to deal with challenge, right? One way is you can show your resilience and really overcome it. And the other way is it also can tell you maybe that's not aligned with your personal goal, right? Then you can choose other ways
or like develop other ways. Cause life is not just like one line is more like different dots connected and how you connect it is different. So I think resilience is now suitable for everyone. So like, well, from my experience, I feel like that. Yeah. That's such a good point. There are times where I think that sometimes when we get told to, you know, you have to have grit and you have to have resilience and like, don't give up.
you put yourself in situations where you force yourself to endure something that maybe you don't need to, or maybe you don't want to anymore because there's something else that's better. So I think that's such a great point to remember is that, yeah, just because you can be resilient and you can push through doesn't mean that you have to or need to. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So can you share any specific strategies or practices that help you cultivate resilience?
Yes, there are two things that I would say that have really helped me. You know, I made mention earlier of the fact that sometimes when I'm going through a hard time or time that needs resilience that I need to compartmentalize and sort of put those feelings away and deal with them another time. And something that has been really important to me is just talking, talking, talking about things and through things.
We've talked a lot about relying on our community and relying on our friends and family to do this on the podcast in the past. But, you know, sometimes you just need a healthy venting session. But sometimes you need help arriving at a place where you can go beyond just talking about the issue at hand or the challenge and actually taking action to do something about it and changing your approach to challenges and setbacks. And I think that oftentimes that requires interaction
interaction from someone else, right? We can't just think about it on our own. We can't just intellectualize the problem. We have to engage with someone else because otherwise I find that it's like really easy for me to spiral. And that could be a friend, it could be a family member, or it could be like a professional or informal counsel that you seek out. So to me, talking through things has been really important.
The second thing, and I'm still working on this, this is actually still difficult for me to do, but doing things afraid, right? Like sometimes when there are things that I know that are important or necessary for me to do, but they feel really intimidating, they feel really scary, they feel like it's sort of out of my reach, sometimes I'll get nervous and I'll convince myself, ah, maybe I shouldn't do it, maybe that's not for me, you know, maybe I should disengage.
When in reality, I think those are the moments where I need to turn up my resilience and really push through and fight for something. Just because I'm afraid or intimidated doesn't mean that I shouldn't sort of push through. So doing things afraid and talking through things are the things that have really helped me build resilience. What about you? What are some strategies or practices that have helped you cultivate resilience?
I love your advice. You know, like the way the strategy you had is talking through it and also like do things you're afraid. I think it needs resilience and so brave to do something. Also, like even open up yourself to others is also need some courage to do that. So for me personally,
I think one key way to be resilient is by making tough decisions and sticking with them. So when things get hard, I trust my gut and think through my options and then commit to the path I choose.
And once I've made a decision, I don't waste time in looking back or second guessing myself. Instead, I just focus on moving forward. And this mindset helps me a lot with to stay strong and bounce back from tough situations, right? Like when we encounter something, we often think about like there are two ways. I can stick with this way or I can look back.
But what we usually do is like, I think this part is resilient tells me is once you make the decision, don't ever look back and don't second guess your decisions, right? Just trust yourself and just move on. And you'll realize, oh, okay. Back then there, that was a tough decision, but I, I overcome it and I use my resilience and that helps me.
move on. It's really key. I find that like, even right now, that sort of relates to my idea of like doing things afraid, like making tough decisions and sticking by them. It can be so challenging, especially, right? Like, when you come across a new challenge or a new setback that maybe you haven't experienced before. Yeah, I mean, it's so good that you're able to
trust your gut and to not look back and regret the decision that you've made. That's something that I really want to work on. Yeah. Because we cannot always make the right decision. There's no right or wrong decision, right? Like once you decide to do this, just stick to it. And that's the time we need the resilience really help us. So what lessons have you learned from embracing untraditional paths and how have these experience shaped your outlook on life?
We talk about living in a traditional past, right? It's very different from the people around us. I think one thing that taught me is to focus on my own life and not letting the opinions of others influence my decisions.
Sometimes we hear a lot like when you choose an unconventional way to live your life, then people will ask you questions like why you didn't do that, why you didn't do that, you should do this, you should do that, right? And it's just crucial for us to keep a distance from the individuals who may not understand us or appreciate the choice we make. And in doing so, I've also learned the importance of surrounding myself as a supportive community.
And fortunate enough, I have friends who generally support and look out for me. So I think these experiences have shaped my outlook on life, emphasizing on the significance of the authenticity, self-care, and cultivating connections with those who share similar values.
Yeah. What about you? I have found that living and embracing an untraditional or unconventional life path means that I have to accept, like, certain facts that come with that lifestyle, which is difficult for me as someone who, like...
craves a lot of stability and routine. Like my life hasn't really been a life of a ton of stability and routine because I've sort of bounced all over the place. And so I've had to learn to accept the fact that I'm going to be dealing with lots of change, right? There's always people going to be coming in and out of my life, um,
Especially living in the international space, there's that revolving door of every few years where people come in and out. And so I've had to think to you, your point about always maintaining a strong community. And that can be a real challenge when every few years you feel like your community is changing or every few years you're moving to a different place. So I have to really focus on what are my grounding strategies?
How do I rebuild meaningful connections? Or, you know, for the connections that I have that may be long distance because those friends or relationships are, you know, in different spaces, I really have to think about how does that help me where I am right now if we aren't in the same place and time? And so dealing with all of those different types of changes, although it's difficult, is something that I really had to accept. The second thing is this concept of minority stress.
Which is this idea that like if you are a certain type of minority, then there's this process by which you will experience sort of stress and challenges, depending on the context that you're in. And because I hold multiple minority identities, um,
I realized that like that in and of itself forces me to live an unconventional life. And so because of that, like it's highly likely that I'm going to experience some sense of stress or challenges simply on the basis of my identities, depending on the context that I'm in. So because that's a constant thing and not just a one-off isolated incident that will require resilience, I've had to really learn like how
which resilience battles am I going to fight? Right? Like, I can't fight every battle. And so sometimes I just have to let things go. And that can be really difficult. But it's something that I've really had to learn to practice. Yeah, I totally agree with the points you just mentioned. Also, especially for the first one, right? Especially for us moving in different cities or countries for a couple years, and then we move on, or the people around us move on. So, yeah,
we are quite pretty like emotional people which really cherish the people like for the friendship the relationships around us but also like like you just said we need to learn how to let it go because people have their own like past own way to to look forward to and
It's really hard to create a really tight community or tight relationship. But you cannot rely on this to follow with you forever. Because we are now the people who are living in their hometown for a long time, right? All your friends were still like when they're young, when you grew up together. But even though people change, so we need to learn how to deal with that and how to be...
how to take that like when people leaving you and you need to find new relationship with new friendship. That's kind of like challenging for us. Yeah. In what ways do you believe personal growth and resilience are interconnected, especially in the context of living in unconventional lives? You're like...
They're so connected in that, especially with unconventional lives. I find that an unconventional life requires more resilience. There's just a lot of times where your lifestyle will require you to experience a lot of growth.
And oftentimes very short periods of time. So I thinking about the first time I moved to China and how much I had to learn so fast and figure out in such a short period of time. And then I find that in places like that or in situations like that, oftentimes the the thing that requires you to have resilience is.
Continues throughout that experience, right? It's not just these isolated incidents, these isolated setbacks and challenges, right? They're continuously sprinkled throughout that experience. So I find that, yeah, like I find that it's hard to live an unconventional life and not experience
need resilience or not develop resilience and while you are growing personally. It's hard for me to separate sort of personal growth from resilience in this way. What do you think? Totally agree. Yeah, absolutely.
I think it's intertwined, right? You can't just make them two different separate things. And navigating untraditional paths inherently involves facing unique challenges and setbacks, like you mentioned before, right? And requiring a resilient mindset to bounce
back and adapt. That's very important for people who want to choose or who live an unconventional life. And the ability to endure uncertainties. Like you mentioned, the things around us is not like we know what's in the future. So we need to endure the uncertainties and make bold decisions to foster the continuous development and creating a dynamic interplay where each setback becomes a stepping stone for personal growth.
And living unconventionally demands a resilience that not only enables individuals to comfort the unknown, but also serves as a catalyst for ongoing personal development. 100% true. You know, sometimes I feel like living an unconventional life, I've made life harder for myself, you know?
But I think maybe the trade-off and the flip side of that is because, like you said, there's so much uncertainty, there's so much new setbacks or new challenges, new experiences, and we have to, as you said, continually make bold choices. Sometimes I find that I'm a stronger person as a result of it, right? Like, I am more resilient. I'm a stronger person. I'm more reflective. I'm more courageous than I think some of my peers would be who live more
Sort of traditional. As you would expect lifestyles. Totally agree. Because I think that also we have. Less responsibility. We don't have a family. We need to be responsible for. So we are more bold to make decisions. Where we are more like.
curious to try different things and we don't fear about like lost something because in this all the way like we experience all different things and we know we are strong and we can recover from anything like happen to us so this also make uncertainty also brings like it doesn't mean like our life will be more exciting maybe sometimes it means also like more difficult for us to go on this path but it's
On the other way, I think it's also exciting. And not like in a good way exciting, but it's exciting for the uncertainty and for the unknown for our future. Yeah, 100%. It's definitely more exciting, but that's not necessarily more fun. I think that's totally right. Oh, yeah.
So looking back, is there any advice you would give to your younger self about personal growth and resilience? For sure. I would definitely, as I mentioned a little bit earlier, I wish that I knew the difference earlier between letting something go
and accepting the reality of that situation and not allowing it to affect me versus ignoring something and like brushing it under the rug. Yeah, I think there's just a big difference between accepting the reality of something, letting it go, even finding forgiveness in sort of challenges, especially ones where we do lose something,
And letting things go. The second thing is giving grace. I find that like I get really hard on myself. I can be very self-critical. And when things don't work out or when I experience a challenge, particularly one where I might not have the courage in that moment to be as resilient as I want to be.
I can like beat myself up over it and I get critical of myself and I'm like, you know, you're not good enough or, you know, there's all this negative talk and negative voices that comes up in those situations where I feel like I haven't been as resilient as I know I could be. And so I have to constantly remind myself to give myself grace, to be kind to myself, that like, even if I'm re-encountering a challenge or setback that I've experienced before, like,
Even if I'm still struggling to move past it, that doesn't mean that I should talk down to myself or that I should negative talk. So that's something that I have been working on. It's something that I would tell myself at a younger age. Don't be so critical, right? We're still figuring this out. It's all a journey, right? There's so many unexpected or uncertain things that come our way. So there's no need to, yeah,
to speak with myself so negatively. So definitely giving myself grace and learning to let things go. I love that. Yeah, especially, you know, like when you talk to people in their 40s and in their 50s, they also don't know, like they also don't have answers for their life. So give yourself a break and it's okay to...
It's okay to feel hard to like try to win that challenge. We have like encounter challenges when we don't know what to do, when we encounter setbacks. So it's okay for us to slow down and pause for a little bit and take it easy on yourself. Yeah. For me, I would encourage myself to exploration on the and pursue the diverse interests beyond the confines of work.
So I would emphasize on the importance of seeking out passions and hobbies that will ignite genuine excitement and fulfillment. So for example, I started to really love surfing from last year. I will hope if I start to explore different options in my early 20s, maybe then like I can become a pro in my like 30s. And when I want to
leave away from the reality world. We want to stay away from my work world that I know where to go. So like now I'm also exploring now, but like I would want to do that like maybe 10 years early. And for the resilience, I would tell my younger self is not just about bouncing back from adversity, but also about embracing the journey of self-discovery and learning from our experience, whether it's a positive one or a negative one.
And ultimately, I would remind my younger self to trust in my own journey, to remain open to new experiences and to approach life with curiosity, courage, and also unwavering belief in my own resilience. And I think the last one is not only for my younger self, it's also something I would tell myself right now. I love that what you said about
approaching life with curiosity, with courage and unwavering belief in your own resilience. Yeah, I mean, that's something that I feel like I need to hear every day, you know, when life gets hard, when there's all these challenges, right? It's so important to embrace life with curiosity, courage and belief in yourself. So thank you for saying that. That's something that I'm going to like tell myself right now. Yeah, because I feel like in my life,
I'm about to make another big decision. So since moving to Singapore is for another, like already one year, well, time flies. So I think it's also for me to don't be afraid to make decisions and try different things in life because you only have one life and life is short. If you don't try, you never know what you're going to... I think I'm that person. So by now, I don't know what I'm good at.
but I know what of the things I don't enjoy, I don't like. So be curious and be bold to try to explore different things in your life. Absolutely.
As we conclude today's episode, we hope that our listeners have found inspiration in the stories and reflections shared today. Remember, personal growth and resilience are not just about overcoming challenges. They're about embracing change, learning from experiences, and continuing to evolve as individuals. As you navigate your own journey, may you find strength in adversity, wisdom in reflection, and courage to embrace the unknown.
Thank you for tuning in to Culture Collision. Until next time, keep racing the journey of personal growth and resilience in your own life. Bye.