Don't Call It A Comeback w/ Jon Stewart | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
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Listen, our regular co-host has some digestive issues. He's getting some of the best treatment available. And we hope the surgery goes well. We hope all the treatments go well. And, you know, we hope he recovers. Sitting in his place is somebody marginally smarter. Burt, we're sending you the best. Sitting in today is Jon Stewart. What's up? What's up, man? No, Burt, is he okay? I think so, yeah.

Oh, that's not in any way giving me confidence that he's – Well, you know, I know he got his nerve stuff is taken care of and some of his heart stuff. This is new. This is digestive stuff. And his liver is working fully well again. So that's great.

Is he the Frankenstein monster? What have they put together here? He's got all kinds of stuff. So this is, today is one bear, no cave. One bear, no cave. One Jew. One Jew, no cave. One bear, one Jew. Yes. Speaking of, Israel-Palestine, solve it for us. I'm so glad you asked me that, Tom. I knew you would. I've come in with a plan.

Have you ever, do you talk, you don't talk, I've never seen you talk about it on stage. Politics or like, I mean. Just in general. You tell the best stories. I just, if I can like find a way in, like I remember in, I was touring in like,

During the election cycle of the last, like, you know, something will find its way into the news where you go like, oh, there's an angle for me on this. Right. I can move in on that. But I don't go like, here's my position on this because I always feel like,

People ask me, actually I get asked sometimes, you know, people go like, what's your dream job? Yeah. Or like when Daily Show has a, you know, we're going to hire a new host. People go, would you love that job? And I go, no. No.

And they're like, why? Why's choice? But I don't even – I say it because I go, there's just things – after you've done this a while, you go, there are people who are – you realize there's people good for that job. You're like, there's – I can name 10 people who can do that well. Give me a list. And I'm like, if you get –

I don't know how much longer I can bang out this one night a week. It's killing me. I mean, are you having fun? Oh, yeah. No, it's ball. What was it like to be back in the seat the first time, though? Super weird. Super weird? Yeah, because it was imagined like...

It was like a flash forward. Have you ever seen those memes where like a group of friends will take a picture and then they'll like get together again 30 years later and take the exact same picture? Yes, yes, yes. So I've been gone for like nine years. Yeah. Like the whole day. A lot of people that I still, that I worked with are still there. So it really was old home week. Like really like, I love those guys and we have a great time together. We're having total fun banging out the script. I'm getting real excited.

fucking put the suit on put the makeup on sat down in the desk thing camera comes up look in the monitor and i was just like oh that's that picture that's that's the exact picture yeah but 10 years later which is jarring sure because i don't know if you know the process of erosion dehydration but it has it has changed my visage uh-huh uh so that part was was jarring it's

It really did feel a little bit like that Albert Brooks, you know, defending your life. So you sit down and go, am I alive? Really? Yeah. Well, you had a great joke about that when we did those gigs about, well, yeah, I'm older. Yes. That's what happens. Yeah. Yeah. Well, somebody said to me once, I was doing an interview. I think it was about the Apple show. And they said in the interview, has time passed you by? And I go, yeah, probably.

I think that's time's job. All the time. Isn't that what it does? It passes us by. Yeah. These younger people with tauter skin, they rise up. We just encouraged somebody in our staff who just turned 28. We were like, take nudes this year. Like, you don't understand. You're not going to regret it. It's never going to. And if you don't.

If you don't want to go full penthouse pet. 28 might be too late. I mean, it's like at least something, right? Like 25, 24. Dude, I shower with my clothes on. It's like it's gotten that bad. Yeah, it's – I mean, it all goes – we're all – we're dying. Yes, that is correct. But you are not – like I hit that point where –

Like I still have a couple of milestones. Like I think 65 is a milestone. For sure. I think in terms of social security, maybe 68. But like I'm in my 60s. Like there's no – I can no longer even pretend. You're holding up well though, man. Oh, well, I'm an absolute physical specimen. I mean – But you look good. That's very kind of you. I remember also like genetics play a role obviously. Not mine. Yeah.

Taking care of themselves. I got some pictures of the family I'd like to show you. Oh, I'll show you mine. Yeah. They're like, I remember I was like. But you're in the best shape you've been in your life. That's true. That's the one advantage of getting really, really fat when you're young. Is that you can really do a big self-correct thing. You can get really gross when you're young. Right, right. And then I see friends. That's when to do it. That's when to do it. I see friends from high school. I'm like, oh, no, you're fat. You're fat.

Oh, how the tables have turned, my friend. You were like this skinny little guy, and now you really have let yourself go. No, I could tell. Once you started giving out specs on gym equipment, I was like, oh, Tom's not fucking around. No, man. I was like, yeah, I'm on the phone, and this guy brought me the XG90. So I tried it out for a couple days, but the plates, they weren't the right plates. I think this is the only way I'm going to get through the next 15 years. Right. How old are you now? I just turned 45.

Oh, Tom. It's good? It's my good decade? So good. 45 is, you're at the peak of your prowess. You've got 10 years of pure brain function and physical specimen. Tell me. Do you want to?

I could ask you right now to go outside and shovel snow, and you could handle it no problem. I think so. You would bang it out, come back in the house, toast yourself up by the fire, have sex with your wife, and then still, like, you're at the peak. 45. 45's good, right? And 45, like, people forget. I don't know if you remember the movie, like, Cocoon? Yeah. I think Wilford Brimley was 45 in that movie. Seriously? Yeah. The ages of people... It's completely changed. Completely changed. You've seen that ad, right, from the...

It's an old ad from the 60s of like it has eight or nine women. And it's like these women are all 40. I think – no, 47. Right. Yeah.

I mean, some- Like the Golden Girls? Some of them look 75. Wow. Yeah, it's a totally different world. It's a different world. They actually, there's a few that you go, okay, that looks, she looks 47 by today's standards. Yeah. Because everything has evolved with lifestyle and care. Some of them look so much older. You can't believe it. And it's like, they're not making a joke. They're just like- It's almost like cigarette smoke is a carcinogen. Yeah.

Yeah. Like they were ensconced. And I can remember like in the 60s and 70s, like there was nowhere you could go that didn't just smell of smoke, like including doctor's offices. Everywhere. You would go in for a checkup with the pediatrician. He'd be like, how you feeling today, Johnny? Yeah. Things are good? Your testicles drop? Everything, you know? And he'd be smoking. I mean, I remember I still, when I would visit, my mom's from Peru, we would go the flight.

It was like row 20 back was smoking. The row. Well, it's not going to get up to 19. How could it get up there? You're moving this direction. Clouds. Yeah. I mean, so much. And I was on those flights. I was like, oh, yeah. And you think it was normal. Yeah. Did you ever get on those planes like in the 2000s that still had the ashtray in the arm? Like the armrest would go down and you'd pop it open. Pop it open, yeah. That ashtray would be there and you'd be like.

This is, yeah. And, you know, they still make that announcement, no smoking. Now they go, no. That's only for Dixon, James Dixon. That's only to keep him from. I think they use his name now in the announcement. They do, they do. On every flight. If James Dixon is on this flight, please do not smoke during the flight. Maybe not. Yeah. That's a lot, man. That's a lot. Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know. It is so cool. I was just in Italy. Right. Were you playing? No, I was just hanging for a few. I know. Nice. Having a nice. Is that, have you taken vacations like that or breaks like that? No, it was in the, I mean, it was in the middle of all this. I took the, just the wife, left the kids with food on the ground at the house. Oh my God, that's so nice. It was real quick. As long as there's running water in the house, like a toilet. They're fine. They're fine. They can talk.

You know, they can figure stuff out. Right. But that was... The air conditioning's on, probably. Probably, yeah. We leave it, you know, not too cool. I don't want to waste energy. Is that the first vacation, like, for you and the wife to get away for a little bit? We do. Because she's on the road, too. Like, that's got to be hard. Yeah. It's very tough. It's very tough. And we've...

signed up for a lot but the this is a really busy month and then taking a a good amount of time down over summer oh good is that when you're gonna be doing the writing for so the writing starts in a like a week or so and then we have a break so we have um i'm gonna netflix now with the new wga contract i think they give you at least three days to write how many episodes

Six. So yeah, they give you three days. Oh, cool. You get a half a day now for each episode. Well, AI is doing a lot of the outing. Heavy lifting. Heavy lifting, bro. Where in Italy? We were in Rome. Nice. But we're going back to Northern Italy for some of the summer. And then we'll spend some of the summer in LA too. And this time when you go back to Italy, will you bring... We'll bring the boys. Yeah. How old are they? Five and eight. That's...

Five and eight is perfect, man, because they will actually remember this. Yeah. This is something that they will clock. Yeah. And the magic of that is going to be – and five and eight are such good age. It's fun age. It's fun. They're really fun dudes. Yeah.

My five-year-old's so reactive. Yeah. He's so like, you know, he hits the table, fucking table. Whoa. Jesus. He goes fucking table? Yeah. Yeah, he does. And whenever I'm like, hey, she's like, where do you think he gets that from? Disney. Those are Disney shows. She's like, he is you. No. And I'm like, no. She's like, you have explosive reactions to things. And I'm like, yeah, okay. But. Oh, no. Yeah. The other day he goes like that. And I was like, what? He goes, you're a shithead.

He goes, my brother's a moron. Mom's a shitbag and I'm an asshole. And I go, what? And then he started to repeat it. He goes, shithead, moron, shitbag, asshole. I'm like, bro. And he was like, he just stumbled on a discovery. What I like about that is it did seem like an epiphany. Yeah. Like prior to that, he might've thought dad's a scholar. Yeah.

My brother is a compassionate and interesting playmate. And mom is a saint. But no. Wait. Wait. No, wait. Hold on. I've got something here. Shithead. Shithead. Moron. And he really reacts to like. That's a mantra though. Is that. Now, is he keeping on that? He didn't get it wrong once after he said it for the rest of the night. And I was like, dude, you got to stop talking like this.

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This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When I look at my year, I look at what I've accomplished and I look at what I'm slacking on.

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But he's the one who – like the eight-year-old, because you have kids. You're like – one of them will be like so – like he's so polite. He really actually listens. If I go, that's enough. You got to get in bed. He really is like, okay, yeah. And he gets – and the five-year-old, he's just – he just resists so hard. And I was like telling him, I was like, get in bed. Get in bed. Get – and it was just repeat, repeat, repeat. And I was like, you know what? Tomorrow –

Y'all can have any treats. Y'all can be able to watch any. And he goes, you fuck. And I go, and I start to like, he goes, and then I've never heard this combination of words. He goes, you nervous bitch. And I had to grab my mouth, you know, and I was like,

I was like, I've never heard anybody call somebody a nervous bitch. But it made me laugh. And I just was like, get in bed now. And I couldn't. How do you? And you can't pun it. I know. It's too funny. And I hear him in his bed. He's like, nervous bitch. When are you going to be called into school for that meeting with the teacher where she says to you, your son called me a nervous bitch? Ha ha.

And where did he get that? And you have to go, I don't know. I'm just a shithead. Ask him. He'll tell you. And she is a fucking shitbag. She's a fucking shitbag. And I know you're not going to ask my brother, the moron. He's just a little asshole. Exactly. What's amazing to me is I've gone in. I was like, how's his language? How's cursing? And they're like, excuse me? Cursing. They're like, he's the most well-behaved, which is actually a good sign because it tells you that your kid knows that in a certain –

they have to behave a certain way. So he feels comfortable enough to call me a fuck at home, but he knows that in school or in public, he's like, you don't address other people. So that's nice. I'm sure knowing that makes you less of a nervous bitch. Yeah, it does. More confident bitch. A more relaxed bitch for sure. Yeah, yeah. They really do. I always found with the kids...

Some of it is anxiety when they're not with you. Yeah. Like they trust you completely. Yes. Like you'll protect them. You're the guy. But if not, they know like,

That person is generally the size of my father, maybe a little smaller, maybe a little bigger, whatever. If I ingratiate myself to that person, I'm safe in this environment of hooligans because I'm sure he's in with hooligans. For sure. For sure. Yes. And yeah. Yeah, it's a whole different – When did he kick in with the profanity? At what age? Four. Four.

Really? Yeah. And the funny thing was, you know, as you know more than I do, these things evolve. You think your kid is this. Yes. Like, oh. I remember like when he had two, you're expecting terrible twos. And we were like, this kid's just like a little angel. Like a dream. He was just like, oh, hi. Just a sweet kid. And then when he was turning like from three to four, he just got all fired up. Right. Really fired up about stuff and like.

We were like, oh, this guy is not – he started to get a little more dramatic, a little more – he's more performative with his feelings. Yeah, yeah. And then we're like, oh, okay. So it's always evolved. Trying shit out. He's trying shit out. I wonder too if it's – some of it can be if the older brother is kind of like his path to praise is this. Yeah. And maybe your guy thinks like, I don't think I'm going to be able to – I'm not going to be able to – like my brother was –

really smart. Like was just known in school, like used words. I can remember being in like, I think we were in a student council meeting and like I was in fourth grade. He was in like sixth grade and he was like, hypothetically, and the whole class was like, what the fuck just happened? Yeah. So I knew like that wasn't going to be. And I wonder if he's thinking maybe that lane is taken, but you know, it's not.

Profane cowboy. Yeah. I'm just going to go out hard riding. That's my lane. Because he knows it gets – kids are all about reactions. Talking and nodding. Yeah. Folks are comics. He believes too that his older brother has special powers because he's convinced him. So he'll be like – he's like, if you don't give me this back, Ellis will use powers on you. And you're like – and you see that he's sincere. I'm like –

They believe in magic. They believe in magic. Although the eight-year-old's on that cusp. I know. Do you do, like, when you're doing holidays and shit, do you still do like the, like Tracy, my wife, would love to do around Christmas? Like, there were reindeer tracks in the house and like all that shit. And they whole hog believed in it. For somebody who didn't grow up with that, I was like, I get it now. Yeah, you get it. Like, this is crazy. Because it's awesome. You see the wonder. Yeah, the...

Holy shit. Like when they see the milk and cookies thing,

And like Santa, you're like, yeah? Yeah. And the elf on the shelf. Yeah. He is at the age though when he starts to like ask logistical questions, you know? He's like, well, how come if the chimney had the fire and you're like, hey, how about you stop asking so many questions and just enjoy it? You know? He's a moron. He can't help himself. Fucking, yeah. He's like, door's locked. I'm like, yeah, I know. He fucking locked it. He's magic, dude. He has a key to the house. What do you think? Yeah. It is interesting because they're,

A lot of times their perceptions won't quite match up with their not like, I can remember when Maggie understood the mechanics of math, but not the context. So she would be like, so that means when I'm 60, you'll be 102. And I'd be like, yep, 100.

And won't we have fun? Yeah. You know, because they don't... Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not understanding, but they got the logistics down. We just had a death. Like, death starts to affect... I remember, too, that used to be like, oh, when you're a kid, you're like, are my parents going to die? Yeah. This just happened? They just had a death and they know it? No, they had... It just occurred to him, like, because when you said that, I remembered he... His mom... Is it the eight-year-old or the five-year-old? The five-year-old. They were both in the same room, but the five-year-old...

His mom left a sweater for him because she was going to be gone. So he's like, he put the sweater on. He's like, this is mom's sweater. He's like, it's the only one in the world. And he goes, he looks at me. He goes, when she dies, it'll be mine. And I'm like, I go, yeah. And then. That's not even grief. That's more like. But then he goes, he goes, I don't want mom to die. And I go, oh, she's not gonna. And then he starts crying.

He's like, I don't want her to die. And I go, buddy, it's a long way off, right? And then his brother's like, mom is going to live at least another probably 35 to 40 years. And I was like, yeah, that's pretty accurate. And then he goes, I just don't want mom to die. And my older son goes, I don't want mom or dad to die. And then the younger one goes, yeah, mom.

And I was like, okay. Like he clearly has his favorite here. He just doesn't want mom to die. That's cool. But they do get, like you'll get one of them. Like my son with me was like, one day I will defeat you. Yeah. Oh, really? You think you can mop the floor? We used to go to jujitsu together. Yeah. And I'd roll him around and, you know.

And all I was doing was old man weight. Like I would just lay on him with old man weight. Just hold on. He would just be like, one day. I'm going to fuck you up. And now he is. Like he's like this. Really? Yeah, he fucked me up easy. Yeah, yeah. Like I think I lost arm wrestling to him at like 15. And then it was over. Yeah. And I kept telling him, I go, dude, it's going to happen. It's not going to feel as good as you think it's going to feel. Because here's what's going to happen. You're going to defeat me. And then you're going to, something's going to.

You're going to have a realization about the old man. About, yeah. About the arc. The cycle of life and everything. That's exactly right. But I like the idea, though, that he understood inheritance more than he understood that. He understood that all this one day –

Will be mine. Yes. Yeah. I will own it. I will own all this. It's aren't the, the conversations are fucking fantastic. Do you have that? Cause they're like, your kids are older. Yeah. Do they, they must, I mean, they have a concept of obviously the fact that their dad is successful. Are they like, Hey, this is going to be pretty sweet. Like, when do you think you're going to kick it? They live more in that. So they also have the concept though, that dad is controversial. Yeah.

so they also know like i'll get the oh they're tearing you up on such and such yeah yeah they they get that it's a they've seen some really good things yeah and they've also seen like me get the shit kicked out of me like i remember when i did uh i directed uh irresistible the movie and wrote it and like it came out during the pandemic so we're we're all like

So everything we experienced in that, we became like the Borg, like just a pod that moved around the house. And when it came out, you know, we'd run the movie through previews and like other shit and like everybody's feeling pretty good. And then it came out and like I got the shit kicked out of me. Like some of those reviews were like, they were the kind of reviews that like other reviewers would call that reviewer and be like, dude, that was fucking amazing. You know, I'm like, oh, you crushed that motherfucker. Like that kind of stuff.

And my family was there. And like, I could tell my kids were like, do we have to move? Right. Like, is this all over? And I kept telling them like, guys, this is just, I'm in a dumb business. Like, imagine at school you make artwork, right? And then everybody goes like, that's really pretty. So imagine you live in a world where you make the artwork and then everybody's allowed to go like, that fucking sucks. That sucks. That's a terrible, I don't want that in my house. So that really must have changed your,

perspective from them on how some of this works. Especially because you're well-known and controversial or polarizing to some people. Polarizing. I'll go with that. Do they get...

They must have an understanding of, you know how people get so into comments, right? Oh, look at how it's noise. Like they, after a while, the first time you read comments that are crazy, you go like, oh my God, right? Like it affects you. But they also probably are now having lived with someone who has comments about them kind of go like, oh yeah, this is just kind of noise, right? Like they- I think their brains are also, and I think you'll probably find this with your kids, like for us,

This is a novel form of communication. So our brains are dealing with it as...

It's not native. Like there's native functioning. It's sort of like when, if you think about like your grandparents, when they got on a plane, they were like, I'm in a tube. Yeah. And we're going, what? Yeah. Like to them, it's a spaceship, right? Like we're going to go on a plane today. Yeah. So I do think there's probably something in their brain that allows them to filter the noise that you feel. Like for me personally,

It's not, you know, we grew up in standup clubs. Like you'd perform and there'd always be like a table or two that might've thought you sucked and like you clocked them. Sure. But then you left. Right. This technology means like you ride home with them in the cab and like the whole time they tell you what was wrong with you and your act. So I think for them,

As long as I model sort of being fine, I think it allows them to. So it's based a lot on you then, right? I would think to some extent. Don't you think your kids would, they're pretty intuitive. Very. About what you're really, what's truly urgent or catastrophic and what's not. And what's going on with you too. Yeah, they pick up on you and your vibrations. And I also try to explain to them.

Like you're seeing a snapshot of success that does in no way justice to the shit I ate for many, many years. Right. That you didn't, you weren't a part of. Yeah. Living in conditions and doing things that you would find unacceptable. Right. In the world that you inhabit. Yeah, that's funny. Like. They don't get it. They can't. No. So seeing me get the shit kicked out of me a little bit.

I think is helpful. A, because they see that it's not, it doesn't deter people

moving forward and making new things. And I just try and explain them. I'm like, look, man, I make things. And once I make it, it's kind of out of my control. And some people think it's great. And you'll see that too. And that's almost more uncomfortable. Sure. Like it's more uncomfortable for me if someone comes up and gives me the like, I love you. Yes. Yeah. Rather than like the comments of like, that sucked. Yeah. Yeah.

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on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Do people feel comfortable enough telling you that? Do people ever? People feel very comfortable with me. With you? Yeah, I was going to say, because you're- Generally with the, also with the negative. Really? Oh yeah. I'll get that even in front of my kids. Hey man, I just want to let you know, like,

I don't agree with anything that you say. Like, I think most of it is just fucking stupid, but, uh,

That thing you did for the 9-11 guys. That was real good. Really? Oh yeah. I'll get, I'll get a lot of, a lot of conversations cause I live in kind of MAGA country. My wife and I usually play a game. We'll go like to the, we'll be going to the store and we play a Trumper or insurrectionist. So where we try and delineate, yeah, that guy's going to vote for Trump, but he's doing it for tax purposes. Oh, right. And then this guy, yeah, he's wearing the horns and he's going in with the chest painted. Sure. Um,

But so all their friends and a lot of the friends' families are like very conservative. Sure. So they got very used to comments. Like their friends and their friends' parents will say to them like,

You know, you're not going to turn my kid into that, right? Or like, you know, they'll talk a lot of that stuff. It's a lot of fun. That's fun. That sounds – It's really comfortable. And you have – it sounds like you have to develop like a giggle for it, right? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Don't worry. Yep. I get a lot of that like, hey, man, I just want to let you know. Like it really is almost like a preamble to meeting me down there is always –

You and I don't agree on everything. Yeah. You and I don't agree on a lot. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes you make me think. You know, or something like that. Or you and I don't agree on everything, but I will let you shop here. Cool. We will take your money. Yes. That's funny that, like, that actually feels – I mean, it's hilarious that somebody does the preamble to, you know. But also, it's at least –

a dialogue, right? Like so many people don't engage in civil dialogue. That feels somewhat civil, right? A little bit. I don't, you know, it's, I wouldn't say it's dialogue. I think what it is, is they feel there's something inside them that has to let me know. You have to, yeah, you got to know. I don't think they're looking to be like,

Here's my feelings about the Second Amendment and where I feel we differ and where I feel we are sometimes on the same page. Sure. I think it's more that – I think it's the same as it's a real bumper sticker area. Like there's a lot of – like there's a dude that has – I mean it's got to be six foot by nine foot on his front lawn with a giant thing that says, fuck Joe Biden. Like on his front lawn. Letting people know. Regular –

I always thought you changed those. I was one of those. When you see something like that, you always think it's going to be like a different message every month. Like Jesus loves. Sure. He's consistent. Fuck him. But there's something about that, something inside them that says, I need everyone to know in the clearest, most concise way possible who I am. Mm-hmm.

And it's like that bumper sticker. I think they don't want me to maybe misconstrue that he might be liberal or progressive or anything other than don't tread on me. I've seen more signs like that over the course of the last few years. I'm saying nationwide where somebody goes like,

Here's who I, you know, big proclamation. I feel like that's not something that we saw as much 25 years ago in as many front lawns where people would. No. Because what are you going to, like in the Herbert Walker Bush days, when you'd be like, I'm one of the thousand points of light. Like now you'll see houses going at each other. Yeah. Like.

you know, blue lives matter flag MAGA. Don't tread on me. Hate has no home here. Stop Asian hate. Yes. And they'll be next door to each other. And you just think this is like this. I think they spend their days, but do you feel like it's somewhat kind of like a boiling point? Like it's like things are firing up more for people. I think with almost everything it's at a, I do think,

that social media is the kind of accelerant and the algorithm is a kind of accelerant that radicalizes populations in a way that we haven't experienced in the way of like, so AI is a radically new technology that's going to change the way that we live our lives and do all these things as was the industrial revolution. But the industrial revolution was

played itself out over decades. Right. And so, yeah, did we go from horses to cars and then cars to highways? But that plays out in an analog kind of a way. You can chart its course. Sure. And its growth. Digital growth, that kind of geometric growth, is really hard for a population to catch up to. And I think any new technology like that creates disruption. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah.

The speed of it is, I think, what's different and leads to that feeling of explosiveness and disillusionment and not quite understanding, you know, how many times were we told, but they say to people with globalization, like, it's okay if your family have been coal miners for three generations, you'll learn to program. And you're like, I don't think I want, I think I, like, I have a connection to this. Sure.

That displacement is now happening. Like, I don't know if you know anybody who's like a grant writer, but like you go on chat GPT tomorrow and make them obsolete. Like you could just type in, you know, it's happening so fast. It's so fast. And the other thing that is like, I think so unique in this time is that you don't know what you're doing.

getting from whom at any time. So like whether it's AI or bots or another country's, you know, program that they design, like there's so much coming at you that, I mean, I think personally, I went through just like a

fatigue and withdrawal, which I think is kind of normal in a way. Absolutely. Do you mean from like participating in it? Yeah, participating and consuming information. I always felt like I grew up in a house that was an evening news watching house. There was always...

Time magazine and Newsweek and The Times were like part like that was just like no house was like a dentist waiting room Yeah, exactly highlights in one corner and the other thing and then you just go like okay I have the information but information is produced and consumed differently now and then you go and then every time you go well is this the the the place to get it from then they go well you don't know this is actually owned by this corporation and so this actually has an agenda and

So then you kind of feel like, well, I don't know where to get information.

Yeah. You know, I mean, it all can feel overwhelming. And where it's from. And always understand that there are those whose job it is, is to weaponize that confusion. Weaponize it, yes. And to weaponize that delivery system. And again, it's not like that's novel. I mean, yellow journalism shit. We got into the Spanish-American War based on the Vietnam War and the Gulf of Tonkin. There's always been that misinformation. Yes.

but it didn't travel at the speed of light the way that it does now where we're so far behind and we don't have processes in place to help establish certain

guardrails around it. Like industrial revolution happened that everybody's like, six-year-olds in factories, what could go wrong? And that evolved over time. You had the great sort of muckraking journalists like Upton Sinclair and Ida Wells and all those people that uncovered all of these abuses and all of these things and helped kind of

resolve some of the like more devastating sure you know uh results of it but i think now it's so fucking fast i mean there's nothing better than watching the senate committee on ai or any of those things and you get like zuckerberg and uh you know testifying there testifying and the guy from ai and they're like so let me get this straight so there's your tube and

And then I speak into the tube, and then the tube turns it into zeros and ones. Is that what I'm to understand? And they're like, well, it's sort of like that. So where do the zeros and ones go? Why do I look at it? It turns into porn. What's happening here? Like, that's, it's just fucking crazy. It's too crazy now. Yeah. Which is why, are you going to run for president? Oh, I wanted to announce. Okay. And I really generally need two bears to make an announcement. Yeah, I think it's, but I mean, this is such a big one. Oh, yeah.

How often do you get asked for that? I think anybody that is in the space I'm in, it's, I always view it as none of the above in the way of, it is a protest for the status quo being so unsatisfactory for people. It's the kind of thing that, like, I remember this was 15 years ago, somewhere along the line, 20 years ago, there was a poll done. Everybody made a big deal of it.

who is the most trusted newsman or newscaster in America? And it was Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings and Brian Williams and Diane Sawyer and Jon Stewart. And Jon Stewart won running away. And I kept trying to explain to people, like, I could have been dildo wrapped in gold and that would have won. Because what people are expressing in that poll is,

I'm dissatisfied with the status quo and the establishment delivery of this service. They have lost my trust. So people in my area, you know, I'm sure Mar gets it. Tucker Carlson gets it. Like all the people in the space of giving opinions about the day's event. I mean, that's honestly, how did Trump become president? I was about to say. Same shit. It's the same analysis, right? Because everybody who goes, how the fuck is this guy –

or how is he getting this support? What most people you would hear, they're like, he's not like these other guys. He's not from that political landscape where they say the right thing. He was just this wild guy who was saying wild things. And then that was exciting to people. It was exciting that somebody was- And the wilder it would get, everybody kept saying, well, he certainly, now that he said that- Yeah, better.

Yeah. It's certainly done. It's certainly over, yeah. And everybody's like, he's going up in the... I think what ended up happening there is it was like an antibiotic-resistant strain of something. And so people kept saying, well, certainly if we hit it with strep and if we hit it with erythromycin and penicillin, it would have to die. Sure. And then it was just like... Nope. Not even close. It's too strong. Too strong. It's way too strong. Just keeps going. No, and I think too, it's...

It seems like everything is being done to not have this guy on ballots. Everything other than just have a better idea. Just fucking beat him. Yeah, exactly. That is not being done. But all these other things – and I feel like if they succeed in getting him –

convicted or off ballots right i do think people are going to lose their they won't i don't i don't think they'll succeed getting them off ballots in any way yeah i really don't i think that chance i think if they had done and again part of this is his understanding of the system part of his appeal was the system is rigged and i think everything he's experienced

through here is an example of that just not necessarily the way he I think it's showing if you've got money doesn't matter how many felony accounts they throw at you yeah you can hold that off till you get granted complete immunity by becoming president of the United States but the difference is

somebody can be right about a diagnosis and wrong about the remedy. So like he can diagnose the system as rigged and it obviously is. I mean, when they talk about his real estate transactions and they talk about, everybody comes out and goes, that's just how things are done. Like you go to the bank, you lie about what you have. They give you more money than they should at a lower rate. And then you, when you go there, you lie about that. And then they give you, and you just go like, Oh really? That's how it is. And so the, the,

The interesting thing is once that gets exposed, a reformer comes in and says, I'm going to straighten this out and make it fairer. Again. Because it's right. Special interests. You got to go down Washington all the time, man. There's more defense contractor lobbyists than there are people in Congress. Yeah. They're outnumbered. Sure. And they are wined and dined. Deep pockets. You know, the greatest example is like Wall Street.

People in New York, the senators, the congresspeople are supposed to be progressive. Wall Street gets away with a shit ton because they pay all those legislators. This would be the place where reform would have a home. Yeah. New York City. They're all like, why should – well, maybe the tax should be 20% on capital gain. I don't know. Maybe if you have a hedge fund, it shouldn't get taxed like regular money. Yeah.

So you see how powerful, like they don't have fucking time. I remember when we went down there for the first version of what was called the PACT Act, which was that Toxic Exposure Act for veterans. So we got together a bipartisan group of Congress people and we all sat around a table and I was there with Rosie and Leroy Torres who were going to lay out like what they'd been through over the last 10 years, what was going on on these military bases, all the terrible health effects of the different things. It was very similar to the 9-11.

We lay it all out, very compelling. They're all on board. And then they go, but here's the thing. So there's so much going on down here. Could you guys write it? The legislation, could you write it? And I'm like, I could write a 10 minute bit about the legislation, but I don't know the first thing about it. They don't know the first. But in that moment, I thought,

That's how this shit happens. So imagine you're not trying to get healthcare for veterans. You're trying to get banking regulations eased so that you can make derivative swaps on mortgages and blow up the world financial system. And you go in and you say, oh, this is this thing and it makes a ton of money. And they go, it's so busy down here. Could you write it?

If I have to. Right. And they write it. Wow. So much of the legislation is influenced and written by the people it's supposedly reigning in. And so there's like a wealth incumbency built into the system or a legislative incumbency for these larger industries that weeds out competition. It

infuses corruption and is really hard to stop. And what Trump is saying is, yeah, that system is rigged, but what he's not saying is, and I'll reform it. What he's saying is, so if you don't mind signing that deed over to me, I'll take care of it. Yeah. And that's the part that is-

that you know. He's not interested in a fairer system. He's interested in to the victor go the spoils. Yeah, that's very much, I think. And I think he's actually very transparent about that. You know? Like, I think... Yeah. It doesn't take a lot to...

pick that up from him. You know, yes. Somewhat through, through happenstance. Like he'll go down to the billionaires at the Mar-a-Lago and be like, don't worry. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what you said though, it's so disheartening to hear about how the system works. Like, how do you, how do you keep from being like knowing so much, seeing that firsthand and not being so cynical and just disheartened by everything?

You know those, they sell them now, it's like mushrooms and chocolate. That helps. That helps a lot? Just a little bit. You take just a little bit of that. Nootropics? I think that's something along those lines. Sure. They come up with the names like fun guys. Yeah, yeah. That kind of thing. Yeah, but it is, right? I mean, it does like kind of take the wind out of your sails a little. Absolutely. Those years...

lobbying down there were incredibly dispiriting. And I was a drop-in. Yeah. Like I came in to provide air support for people. Like they were there every day. Like I, I ended up feeling like my role was to go down there and almost like USO shows. Yeah. Like they've been in the trenches. So I'm going to go down there and be like, yeah, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And, and kind of

fire them up and think of ways around this really stultifying status quo. Everybody has establishment thinking. I mean, they literally call the way bills are passed regular order. You have to go through regular order. And you're like, but if we go through regular order, all these people are going to die. So why don't we do not regular order? Like when I ended up testifying in front of Congress,

The whole, not the firefighters and the cop, but all the congressional people were like, just don't like, just be cool. Like everything's going fine. Like don't rock the boat. Really? Yeah. And then the other guys would come up to me and be like, John, you got to fucking tell these people what's going on. Yeah. Cause John, it's a fucking nightmare. You know? So I felt a responsibility to them. Sure. To not let them down in front of.

But I think what happens is they get ensconced in this really protected system and they lose sight of the people that they're supposedly there to kind of represent. And they're only responding to either media prompts or lobbyist prompts or activist prompts. Like I'm talking about political activists, like right-wing, left-wing activists. And those are the only three groups that you would imagine have influence. Mm-hmm.

And, but most people are fucking busy. Like think about like for taxes, right? The Democrats always say like, we need to tax billionaires. Okay. But what are you going to use it for? Well, that's the big knock on, on the Dems usually. It's just like, just more, more programs, right? More, yeah. But what are those programs? And who cares? Just spend. Right. I mean, that's kind of the, the thing that I always felt they needed to do was tie spending to value.

Like if you talk to people and you want to know what would help, because most people, I think in the general area of like what you would consider middle class, maybe a little lower than middle class, a little above middle class, are stuck in this weird trap, which is I work till I'm fucking 40 or 50 till my kids are going to college. Now I'm paying for their college, but just at that moment, my fucking parents are getting sick. Mm-hmm.

And all of a sudden now, I'm paying for them while I'm trying to pay. So now I'm in debt on the college for the kids while also maybe going into a little bit of a debt for the parent. So now everything that you built up, all that equity, right, over those 20 years of work is gone. Yeah. And what you really could have used was education that didn't cost so much, maybe some fucking childcare, maybe some fucking elder care.

something that connects to your life. And it feels like we live in a place where that seems like it should be possible to do. There's no reason why it's not. Like, it makes no sense. But you'd have to take from some other program, right? Like, that's the whole thing. I don't know if it's a question of not having resources as much as it is not directing them in the right way. So...

I think some of it is like even if you look at food stamps, right? So food stamps ostensibly is like a pretty good program. First of all, there shouldn't be food insecurity in a country as rich as this. That's just ridiculous. But the really strange part of it to me is food stamps are really a subsidy to like craft food.

or Nabisco, or the giant food conglomerates, because the majority of the foods that people are buying are these ultra-processed, shitty box foods. That's where those stamps are going. Right. They're going to sodas and shitty foods that go right into PepsiCo. We don't do anything that doesn't have a middleman with a corporate owner to it.

So all that government money goes, it's really their subsidies. Like why is there corn syrup and everything? Yeah. It's the fucking government just paying farmers for, and then they're just giving the corn syrup and fructose to like, and so what do they do? They give us all fucking diabetes. Yeah. And then what's the next step? Yeah. Big pharma comes in. We got your back. And now you're in the cycle. Yeah.

They're literally combating the drug of ultra-processed food with the drugs from big pharma. This is the trap that so many people get locked into. Yeah. Yeah. And what are we getting for it? All that money that we go in and we have the highest drug prices in the world. So that's when people go like, yeah, this system is rigged, but you can't change it because that's socialism. Yeah.

Right. If you do it any other way, no, you have to let even Obamacare, the fucking that the right complains about. Yeah. It's basically a giveaway to insurance companies. What the government is saying is, how about we just give you a shit ton of money? And with that shit ton of money, you'll cover people that maybe you wouldn't normally cover and you can still give them a $5,000 deductible and they can still go to hospitals where you don't even know where like the charges are coming from.

And even that. Yeah. Are we really suggesting like, I'm not saying you don't want to have like private corporations and private property and innovation and all those different things, but do we have to subsidize it? But do you think anybody will ever actually step in and really disrupt this cycle? Look what Cuban did. With a, with a pharmaceutical company. Yeah. That, that was amazing. That company. That can be done everywhere. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, for people that don't know, Mark Cuban started this pharmaceutical company that he found out which meds there were.

to kind of to buy and do like a kind of a minimal marginal markup on. And which ones were, you know, crazy marked up and which ones were being artificially withheld and all kinds of... It's basically fair-priced drugs. Right. Essentially. Which is a...

I mean, they put old people on buses to Mexico to get like insulin. It's crazy. Right. It's crazy. But when you get down there, you go, oh, I know how this happened because they have access to

to the people who write the laws. The laws don't need to be a thousand pages. The complexity of our tax code wasn't put there by poor people. The complexity of our legislation wasn't put there by poor people. It's put there by the lobbyists in the industries that are carving out

and safe spaces and extra ways they can make money. To keep it coming in. Yeah. It's cartel shit, really. Cartel shit. Yeah. Yeah. I think the only solution for all this is probably The Rock maybe being running for president. There's very little. So once The Rock teamed up with Roman Reigns, that's when I realized like, oh, he can't be stopped. No. Like when they were rivals. That's a totally different time. But now you've had, you've stepped in the ring before. Sure. Sure I have. Yeah.

Did you see that tape? Yeah. It's brutal. Really? The things you'll do. Now, your kids, the eight-year-old, is he into that yet? No. He's really into Minecraft, the game, and Roblox. The things that you will do. Which was funny is that, so I found out, man, I had like...

A week. Not even. I was on the road. They had their spring break. They had a two-week spring break. You guys get two weeks? I don't remember getting two weeks. Not at that age. No. And so I had this crazy idea. I was like, what if they're filming the Minecraft movie in New Zealand? And I was like. Oh, my God. I hit up Jason Momoa, who's in the movie. No. He's like, come on down. So I flew him there.

And I take my eight-year-old to New Zealand. And I'm like, we're going to see the Minecraft set. He's like, oh, cool, cool. And then he walks on. He's like, holy shit. And I'm like, right? And then he's like, all right, what do you want to do now? I'm like, this is it, dude. I'm like, this is it, bro. And then. What do you want to do now? Yeah, I'm like, this is all. No, no, no, we're here in New Zealand. He flew 16 hours. Right, right. And then.

And then Jason has a dog, and he was just like, oh, this dog's fucking awesome. He played with the dog six hours. You could have taken him to the ASPCA? And then the next day, I was like, it's our second day here. What do you want to do? He's like, I want to play with that dog again. And so I played with the dog. I was like, thanks for having us. Flew back, and I was like, what did you think of the Minecraft set? He was like, cool. Cool.

Love that dog. Yeah, that dog is the shit. Yeah. Great. Yeah. It's... And it's only... Boy, you shouldn't have started. That's... I know. That's that grand gesture like on your third date where you're like, and then we flew to Paris. Yeah, exactly. And I line. You're like, are you a sociopath? I mean... You're never gonna now. I know. And I, you know, I realized it's like a lot of... I think in terms of gifts a lot. I like gift giving. Oh, that's nice. You know, it's like one of my... I guess it's my love language. Oh. But I...

The real thing you realize when you're into any type of gift giving, the gift is for you. It's you going. You give it to somebody. Yeah. But it's your excitement of like. Yeah, it feels great. It feels good. And when you nail it. Yeah, when you nail it, you feel it. But yeah, he was just like, yeah, awesome. That's it. And it's just going to end. What's so interesting is.

The joy you feel being able to, like I made the mistake of whatever show my kids were into, I would try and get on it. Christina just did it with Is It Cake, the Netflix show. She just did it. And the kids like it? Yeah. Do they still like it? I mean, they were into the episode. They watched it, and then, yeah. See, I didn't figure in production time. Yeah. So you did all the things your kids loved, right? It was a thing called...

jack's big music show first i did i did jack's it's called jack's big music show it was this great it was like this super odd little puppet music show and the kids loved it and i like once they move on from like little bear and caillou and all that shit into like spongebob and good stuff yeah then you're like it's awesome yeah so they do this

I contact the show. I fly out to Chicago. They tape it in Chicago. They're the nicest people you'd ever want to meet and super talented and very musical. And they've got all these puppets and do things. So I did the Groundhog's Day episode. I'm Brunk Steingruber, the weatherman of the thing. We tape it, but apparently they have to edit it, you know, do something. Color correct it. And it's going to take. And by the time it comes out, it's,

They're like, oh, I don't watch that show anymore. They're on to Wizards of Waverly Place. Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious. So then I show it to them and they're like, I remember that. You're like, what? I remember that dog and I was like, I flew to Chicago. To do this. It's not New Zealand, but I flew to Chicago. And I was always like six months to a year. Behind on it? The switching. Yeah. But the WWE, dead on. Dead on. And Maggie was different. Like.

She didn't have like the interest she had in that stuff was like horses. Yeah. And I didn't know what, like, I couldn't be like, let's go to the Derby. Like I, you know, my grandfather like died in an OTB. So I guess I could have gone there. You know, there was a family history, but. But with your son, you nailed it with WWE. He was so like, we would go on vacation and he would have a knapsack like that he packed.

And then we would get there and we'd be like, where are your clothes? And he's like, I don't have any clothes. I'm like, what's in your knapsack? He's like, action figures. It'd be just filled with Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins. Really? Oh, yeah. So when you did it, he lost his mind? That's awesome. So I got into a feud with Seth Rollins. And so he got really into that. And-

We did a thing at the Prudential Center in Newark where Seth Rollins had these two little guys, J&J Security, and they're two ball guys who wear these suits. So I dressed Nate in a ball cap and a suit. He was going to be my J&J Security when I confronted Rollins in the ring. Nate gets all dressed up, comes in the thing. Nate has an undiagnosed health condition at the time that we don't know what it is, but he's been having these episodes.

We get to the arena. He becomes violently ill. So I'm in the dressing room getting ready to go out and like I have to fake kick Seth Rollins in the balls. And we got a whole thing planned out with Nate and the other security. He's like eight. You know, I mean, you know, that's the magical. Oh, yeah. And he can't go. No. He's vomiting, like can't move.

He's just lying there and I'm just sitting there like, well, I don't want to do it. I want to do it with you. Yeah. And so I go out and I do it and I come back and he's fine. It was a night in an arena, Prudential Center of WWE wrestling, right? Violent, physical. The only person taken out that night in a wheelchair was Nate.

He was so like sick. He was sick for years. Really? Yeah. Until we, until we figured it out. But yeah, it's, it's terrifying. And did he still look back on that night as that was, was he excited that night just through his illness? He's still pissed off about being sick. Yeah. He's like, I could have been in the ring. I could have done. And then it, it, it, it ended up folding into SummerSlam in Brooklyn. Yeah.

And Cena, John Cena was fighting Seth Rollins that night. And they put on a spectacular match. I mean, incredible show. The athleticism, the drama, the kickouts. It is one of those championship bouts that people talk about. They start chanting, this is awesome. And the crowd is... Wow. And at the end of it, little Johnny Dipshit

runs out, busts into the match, hits Cena with a chair. Rollins pins him. When I tell you people were furious at me. Really? They're watching this incredible, and then some guys, fucking old dude, like nobody knows, runs into the ring and hits somebody with a chair. And like people's kids were calling me and leaving obscene messages on my phone. Really? So angry. So intense. That following is really intense, man. So I had to go back the next night for Raw.

And Cena was going to confront me in the ring with Ric Flair. And so they say he's going to hit you with the attitude adjustment, which is, I don't know if you know the move, but it's, he puts you over his head and then he flips you. 56, 57 years old. And you're like, oh, I am going to get my attitude adjusted by this. So we don't rehearse. No. There's no like...

You walk out into the ring and they like point and they go like, yeah, he's going to, this is the ring. That's where your attitude is going to change right there. Okay. Yeah. So the show starts. I'm sitting in the back. They're all going through the thing. They're getting ready. The WWE doctor comes into my dressing room. He goes, hey, I just wanted to check in real quick. This is the doctor. He's going to check you out. So I assume it's going to be a, you know, have you broken any bones or anything? He takes my blood pressure. He goes, it's a little high.

I go, okay. See you on the other side. And I was like, wait, that's not, that's, that's not a, that wasn't a doctor. That's like somebody coming in and go like, hello, how are you? Let me take your pulse. It sounds good. I'll talk to you later. Yeah. So we go out there just right before I go out there. Cena goes, just tuck your chin. I'll do the rest around the ring. I'm explaining to him my reasoning for why I denied him the championship. I wanted to protect Ric Flair's legacy. We go through the whole thing.

He goes, well, you had your reasons. Now I have mine. Takes off the hat, throws it, lifts me up on his shoulders. And he's like six, five. He's a monster. Big dude. And that floor is a floor. Yeah. It's not a mat. No. It's a floor. And I hit it and I didn't, it was like the light switch from the top of my head down to my feet just went like, like a, like a lightning shot.

and i'm lying on the ground and they said like you know just act like you're out of it and i was like i'm out of it and the one thing i learned about is if you are going to get the attitude adjustment in the ring tuck in your shirt oh yeah i'm lying you know this is these guys are like olympians yeah and i'm just lying there with like

20 years of Bopka just sitting in my stomach thing and just lying there trying to pull my shirt down and get and I'm utterly Disoriented. Yeah, it worked it And then I got I'm done and like there's my boy He's waiting I come back into the they call it the gorilla area where all the wrestlers stage. I

And they're all standing there like, you did it, kid. It was like that scene in Goodfellas. You got pinched, but you did it right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're all, you know, big show is there and they're all clapping and Triple H and yeah, good man, good man. And I'm just like, thank God. And my son's just sitting there and he's like, did that hurt? Like he was literally like, I think you might be dead. Yeah. And that doctor's like, yeah, your blood pressure's up. Yeah. Yeah. No, by the way, didn't hear from the doctor. I'm pretty sure he wasn't a doctor.

But didn't hear from anybody after that until like, so then they do the final shot. It's just me sitting on the steps with my son next to me with ice on the back of my neck. That's the final shot. It sucked though, huh? Dude, I just did a trampoline for a photo shoot for Netflix. And I was like, hey, that fucking sucked. Like falling onto the pad sucked. Yeah. Yeah. It sucked. It hurt.

The idea that those guys – and people always say like wrestling is fake. Well, they bang. And you're like you don't – I don't know of an entertainer or any entertainers who work harder and put on more of a show than wrestlers. When I did – I told you that I went to the Undertaker's house. That was to check out the gym equipment. That was to check out the gym equipment. Yeah, yeah. He was just like, yeah, come to Mark's house. Mark? And then he's just lying there and then walking and he goes –

He was, I mean, talk about like. He's a big dude. Such a nice guy. Such a sweetheart. He was like, it's an absolute pleasure to have you here today. And I was like, oh. But we were talking about, because we were talking about comedy, you know, how it starts. He was like, you know, what's it like? Like the early days. And I was telling him about, you know, shit club weeks and everything. He was like, yeah. I said, you know, one of the things that sucks as you get older is,

When you do doubles, you know, like two shows a night. And I was like, man, this fucking starts to wear you out. And he was like, yeah. He's like, yeah, I bet. I was thrown off a cage. He was saying that they used to do doubles in his early days. Oh, wow. For the full, like the show. So like they do the full wrestling show, bang, fucking throw all this shit.

Clean up. Do it again. Wow. And he goes, so when I got a little bit of juice, like when I had like – like just when it was starting, I just told him. He's like, no more doubles for me. Yeah. Just one a night. But like that's crazy that they would be like Thursday in a town, two shows. Drive to another town, two shows. I mean physically I can't imagine what that would do to you. And now those dudes are massive. And they jump on a bus and then go to the next place. But they were the nicest people. I bet. Like –

you'd meet like Undertaker when we met him, he was just, couldn't have been the nicer guy. Couldn't have been nicer to my son. All of them. Like, do you want to take a picture? They would talk to him. They would ask him questions. They would do the poses. They would, I mean, they were the nicest, most genuine. There was this guy that's sad because he has since passed away, but this dude, Bray Wyatt, whose shtick was kind of like,

It was almost like this supernatural stick. Like they did the thing where like all the lights go out in the arena and then all of a sudden his video would pop up like in, you know, ghoulish there. And he had really long black hair and his move was the sister. Oh shit, I'm going to mess it up. Sister Aveline or something. And he would go upside down and walk like a spider, like a madman in the ring talking to him backstage.

The kindest, like the sweetest, nicest man and spent a ton of time like hanging out in the dressing room. That's cool, man. And talking to Nate. They were lovely people. That's so cool. Yeah. It's nice to hear stories like that. Yeah. Especially from like big alpha male dudes being like that nice. There was always a couple that were like, you know, side eye it, but almost to a person.

They were, and they seemed like, it really seemed like the closest thing to a traveling carnival. Yeah. Like there was a certain camaraderie there. They definitely are outside of the system to some extent. Yeah.

But they're lovely dudes. That's awesome, man. Yeah. What do you think your sons are going to get into? Is it going to be football, basketball, baseball? It's not. So I had that thing where I thought having boys that they – like I watched football with my dad. They'd be you. Yeah. So I was like football. And they actually come in the room and go, oh.

God. Take it off. Please turn this off. I'm like so bummed out. What are they into? So sports-wise, the only thing they actually really enjoy is going to jujitsu. So they like that. Oh, okay. But they are into like just – you know, we just started showing them some shit we shouldn't probably like Ace Ventura and, you know, like Dumb and Dumber. Like all these like – They're going to be like Fifty Shades of Grey. No, no, no. Sit down, boys. But they're into like, you know, certain cartoons and they like –

Kids have this capacity to rewind a moment. And just keep watching it? I'm like, we just saw it 50 times. Have they hit Phineas and Ferb yet? Or are they still SpongeBob? Phineas and Ferb's a great one. Is it? Okay. And then they do love Minecraft and Roblox. Right. They love those. And those are like random video games. Yeah. Are they into yet the...

What was the first sort of first-person video games? It was like Lego Batman or Lego Star Wars. Yeah. Those are good ones. Those are good ones, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm scared to get – because I see how much it sucks them in. Right. To give them too much – like we try to go outside. Oh, we also did books, a lot of books. Yeah. We did a lot of books. Their big thing at night is tell us a story.

And then I'm like, I'm kidding about the books. Oh yeah. No, no books. Okay. Okay. Yeah. No books. They don't get, they hate. Do they really say, tell us a story? Yeah. And then they go, I always have to go like, what kind of story? And they're like, either one where you pooped or like, where you got trouble doing something.

And I'm like, okay. Do they have to be fantastical or do you give them real stories? So that's the thing is at one point I was like, I don't have any more shit stories, man. And then they go, make one up. They tell me to make one up. They love it. I mean, what a joy for them though. Both parents are comedians. Both parents. Yeah. Now, does your wife, does she put in like the hard jokes or does she go? No, she leaves most of it. They'll be like, dad, take it away. Yeah.

They're like, dad gets it. Because I just go like, and then I farted. That's more your act. Yeah, yeah. It's more like what I do. And man, they're just like, they'll even say like, if we laugh, you win. And I'll start telling the story. And they'll be like, Jesus, that was good. You win. Like, they just, they love it. Think about that, though, dude. Like, when you were coming up. Yeah. And you were like, did you ever imagine your life would be this fucking full? No. And like, yeah.

you know comedy is sort of a singular pursuit sure on the road and it is sometimes there's camaraderie sometimes they're not but like the idea that you could do that do what you love have a family yeah have those two imps yeah begging you to tell them shit stories it's amazing right it's amazing it's an incredible life yeah it's an incredible life and i'm so glad that you get to go now and like

That move probably to Austin really opened it up for you too. It's been great. It really has been. It's been great for the family, for the kids. You could tell they actually thrive more there. You really can. Right. The environment. I don't know. I love living there. I feel like

Our work is like planes and all these different venues. Yeah, yeah. Going back home there is nice. Right. Very nice. And it's become like – isn't Rogan's Club there now? It's hot. Yeah, it's a hot place. He's got his club. There's probably others. There's Beacon in the Cave. They opened one there. They started here and they have one there. Right.

There's a Sunset Room, I think. And there's enough people to sustain it. Yeah. Then there's Cap City moved, but they have a club open. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff. There's a real scene in Austin. Right. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. How many more days are you going to add to your daily show schedule? So I was thinking of doing Mondays. That's already done. Oh, then we're good. No more? No, dude. Look at me. I'm...

You think I can maintain this beautiful physique and supple skin without doing too many? No, it's – what's nice about it too is like it kind of – it just sort of – it was just like a reboot of the direction. They've been going for like two years. There was the writer's strike. There was a bunch of guest hosts like –

Now it's sort of – I think the staff feels like they just needed to recenter and they got all these really talented correspondents and now they're getting a chance to like – But they'll name – is someone going to get named as the permanent? I mean I think ultimately. Yeah. But in the moment now, it's just about getting through this election year with the kind of infrastructure that they have now. Were people when you – on your first day back in the room, do you have to like put people at ease? I imagine they'd be like, oh, shit. Like how do I –

I mean, that's always like I try to that way anyway. Sure. Which is strange because I am also very much an introvert. So it doesn't come naturally to me. And when I'm done doing it, I'm exhausted. I bet. Like there's some people that get energized. Yeah, I'm not like that. Yeah, I'm not like that at all. But I was genuinely –

you know, it's been nine years and a pandemic and like I'm pretty self isolating. So coming out and being in a room with a bunch of smart, funny people,

Where you can just fuck around. It's exciting. Exciting. I thought I asked you this when we were doing those gigs, but when you... Those were fun too, by the way. I was so glad to be able to do that. So thank you for coming out there. No, thank you. That was awesome. When you first stepped away and the show's going on and you have this...

I guess it was, I forget, did you step away during the election cycle or right after the? Right before the election. Right before, yeah. So I left in August, it might've been in August,

The year before. The year before, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When things started to ramp up, would you be like, I wish I was doing this? No, you didn't miss it. No. And I wouldn't miss it. If someone said to me, would you go back and host the show again? Yeah. I would not do that. No. But-

it's sort of like being in a pickleball league. Like, it's like if somebody came back and be like, so do you want to get back on, you know, you want to play soccer again and like a high functioning thing? No. Want to do pickleball once a week? I could do that. Okay. That'd be fun. It'd be fun to hang out with people for that week. Well, we're lucky to have you, man. No, it's been, it's been awesome. I'm glad you're doing it. And I hope they rope you into some contract you can't get out of for a long time. No, I hope we get to do more gigs. I hope, I want to come back out and have some fun. And hopefully,

Bert will be there. If his health picks up. Oh, dude, I'm sad about that. Is it? He's okay. He's okay. All right. He's okay. Yeah, yeah. That's good. He's got the best doctors. Good. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. So let's do some more gigs. That'd be fun, man. Yeah. And thank you for coming here. This is, I actually live in the building. You live here? Oh, yeah. That's really nice. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. All right. Thank you, brother. Thanks for watching, guys. Bye. Bert and Tom. Tom and Bert.

One goes to hop and swab, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.