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Quick update, Bert has some neurological things going on right now. If you want to wish him well, I know it has to do with motor skills, but he's getting the best medicine and the best treatment. And I don't know, we wish him well. Are we doing a promo right now? No, we just, you know, we want to wish him well. 100% Excuse me.
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on first three-month plan only, speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan, additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. - He's at the, I don't wanna say the name of the clinic, but it's top tier, and I think he's probably gonna be fine. And if he's not, you're a great guy, and you have a great family.
Sitting in for him today is a buddy of mine who has a new special that's out right now on Netflix. It's called Crazy Good. Give it up for Neil Brennan, everybody. Yeah.
Couple of guys that wear glasses. You know how it is. Couple of real regular guys. I will say this. I think this is the blackest haircut I've seen on you. This, you know what? Can I get to see my single? Yeah. Come on, man. You remember. So, well, this is... Wait, turn a little. There we go. I'm number three in the, like, the haircuts. Yeah. Do you think white people had this before...
They interacted with black people.
Do you know what I mean? Like cultural appropriation. Right, right. And then I go, well, did it, so it's impossible white people thought of this? No, it's, I mean, it's not impossible, but what I remember is that in the nineties, right? When you're like, man, this, this music's pretty fucking cool. That you started to see white guys doing like, you know, fades and shit that I don't really remember before. So it's almost like,
There's like a timeline. It's like before Christ and after, right? Like there's, it kind of feels like. It's a perfect analogy. It feels like.
It feels like... But I do have a scar, so they just continued it. Oh, is that a scar? It starts as a scar here, and then it becomes cultural appropriation. But it looks great. It looks pretty cool. It looks cool. I gotta say. And a black guy pitched it, a black barber. He pitched it to you? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So what am I gonna... I'm gonna thwart a black man's dreams? You shouldn't. No. And if I saw you, I didn't know you, I just saw this, I'd be like, yeah, this dude can ball for sure. This guy can ball. Or he makes beats. Yeah, yeah.
yeah or he oh you're like uh you sneakers he's the quiet beats guy yeah you're like like a john b maybe i r&b it you have your little briefcase that you're coming around what's in there you're like beats man come on man beats in my briefcase bro um fuck you think i i brought um i went guys you can go on ai and you can load in burt audio oh that'd be so nice of you yeah
So I went in, I loaded some bird audio and I brought some of it. Here you go. Last month I got so hungry. I ate and drank my own shit and diarrhea. For instance, that is, I want to talk about me. I want to talk about me. It doesn't have to be funny or interesting, but it does have to be about me. Is that, that was just quotes from the show. What is that? No, this is, that's AI. Oh, here you go. Honestly, be honest. What do you think will explode first? My heart or my liver? Tough to guess, right?
Go on DraftKings right now and bet using promo code BERTKAST. Spoiler alert, it's going to be my asshole. Dude, AI is... There's more where that came from. That's pretty good. Thank you so much. It's pretty dangerous. You load in audio clips of BERT, and then you can type in whatever you want. So if you... I'm going to bring the app up, and you...
We'll let Tom do it. This is very exciting. We'll go from there. A couple things. This is also the best I've ever seen. I don't think your biceps. You have really nice arms. You know what? This is a bit of an unveiling here today. I don't have a reputation for being healthy. Yeah, but look. I mean, you're vascular. Thank you. Have you been lifting? I have a... Yeah. Okay. I mean, whatever. I do this shit. I go to the gym. Are you still...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm still getting after it. Still work out with a trainer. It's good. Type in whatever you want, and then it will say it. Mes. Burt. Quite sure. Okay, let's see. It has to generate it. Okay. And then once it generates it, hit play. Hitler is God to me. I know I'll see him soon. One more time. Hitler is God to me. I know I'll see him soon. That's so...
So he loves Hitler and he's going to die soon. I don't know, man. Or Hitler will come to him. Hitler will appear on a bird cast. He might rise. Great.
I don't know. Yeah, fantastic. I mean, I didn't do this AI. No, this is not. You would never say. This is like dealing with when a dummy is like, hey, take it easy. When he's like the dummy says something contrary, you're like, hey, there's nice people here, dummy. It's bird AI. And the dummy's super racist. Yo! Did you ever see Otto and George? Yes. Yeah, that shit was hilarious. That was hilarious.
Well, I want to tell you before we get anywhere else, congratulations on the special. Thank you very much. This is the third? This is my third Netflix. I have an hour and a half on Comedy Central and a three and a half on Netflix. But this means you're very special because they are doing far less specials now on Netflix.
Only one a week, one and a half a week. Well, you're going to see them, but they're going to fade down. I know that. And you're a special guy. I made the cut. You made the elite cut. And you just had Blocks. Blocks came out November, a year and a half ago. So I'm doing pretty good. You're doing pretty good. Now, you're a Strike While the Iron's Hot guy, although we've talked about how...
often a person should release schedule like is how what do you think the right cadence is i've changed on that okay great well i think i think we all saw for a minute it was like guys like patten and louis were like every year i throw out my shit and then if you're like this developing comic you go like oh i guess i have to do that like right i guess i
And you try to do it. And then you're just trying to like, whatever you can generate, fucking crank that out and just put it out. And then I actually feel like it was the last, because of the pandemic and everything getting kind of paused for a minute and then staying out there touring where you're like, oh, letting this stuff marinate and grow and then working it, you go, okay.
You naturally drop a few things. Yeah. You add things. And then the stuff. By the way, probably a thing that you would have sworn by. Like, no, that's a fucking good bit. Listen to him. Fuck you. No, it's a great bit. And then you realize like, oh. But it was the time that made me realize it. So. How long was your last tour? It was. The tour lasted like two years. And how badly did it damage your family? Pretty good. Yeah. Pretty good. Great. Yeah.
Well, the thing is that everyone's asking me about this tour, and I'm like, I'm so much happier. And the big reason is that the pace is so much more digestible. So on the last tour, I would leave Monday night or Tuesday morning and do shows Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, fly home, come here for 24 hours, record live,
Two or three podcasts and then leave. And I was doing that every week for almost two years. And I also was like, yeah, but this is how it is, Neil. The fuck is wrong with you? And then you don't even realize that you're doing it. Yeah. And so I just was like, hey, I can't do that ever again. So what is it now? So just so you know, on average, on that last tour, I would do 20 to 23, 24 shows a month. And-
Now, like, because I announced, it's funny thing is like I announced tour and people were like, Jesus, you hate being home. And I'm like, count how many shows that is in a month. Now, sometimes it's like six, eight shows, nine shows a month. And so it's like Thursday, Friday, Saturday, typically fly home a week off, maybe two weeks off, do it again. So what I've noticed is that on this tour, it's,
I get home, I go settle into life, I'm at the house, I come here, and by the time I go out again, I'm super excited to go out. Like, I was so jazzed to go out this weekend. And that actually is a huge difference on stage. Like, it's this thing where...
Maybe an audience, you go, they don't know. Yeah, they don't know the details of that. But there's something about you that is coming out when you're excited. You know when you first do a bit and it's fucking crushing? Yes. And you're like, I can't. And then after about three weeks, it goes down to the level it's going to go down. If you do, just do it less. Do it less. And three weeks will last longer. Well, the thing was that last tour,
things started to feel like we got to just get through this. And it's supposed to be fun, man. It's supposed to be fun. And on this tour, I think with the way that we have it lined up, it's fun.
I'm having so much fun doing the actual shows. And you could probably, so the tour could be longer calendar-wise. Calendar-wise, it'll probably be longer, but it won't be nearly as many. It'll still damage your family. But the kind of stuff where you go, well, here's a gift. Yeah. What kind of military school do you want to go to, son? Yeah, dude.
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Mom, Dad, you should shop Amazon for back to school and save some money. See, I'm currently obsessed with superheroes and need all the superhero stuff. Superhero launch box, superhero back.
But next year, it'll be something else. Maybe dinosaurs? I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller. But I can tell you not to spend a fortune and shop low prices for school on Amazon. Okay. Good chat. Amazon. Spend less, smile more. Okay, great. So my question is, do you feel like you had to make that much money before you were like, oh, okay.
Now I can chill a little. I feel like it wasn't even about money. It was the stupid competitiveness we get into of, yeah, but I can keep doing more. I can do more. You know what I mean? Let me do more markets. Let me add more shows. It was the adding of...
of like but i can it's like saying like can you do another push-up and you're like i keep going i could yeah and so you you're trying to like you know you're trying to you think it's important to see the number of things go up and and then when you're done you're like the fuck am i doing what am i doing and now i do not care i literally don't care who does the most of anything um it's also just like let kevin hart have it he can have it yeah
He can have it on his four hours of sleep every night where you're like, what are you doing? I don't know how you're doing this. Dude wakes up, does a promo. Yeah. His wife wakes him up in the middle of the night and he does like, enter, chase. Somebody told me for movies, they're like, yeah, he will shoot a movie Monday through Thursday and then take a plane and then do gigs and then fly back Sunday night to be ready to shoot Monday morning. And I'm like, okay, this is a whole fucking, I don't know what's going on. Like, that's just...
it's insane and then but by the way it's not just the movie and and the stand-up and plus the 40 other endeavors he has directed some of his chase commercials yeah so i'm shitting on a person that i'm i'm not shitting on i'm just like i i benefited from it well we all know he's a machine he's a machine like he's he's the real machine he uh he is though yeah he's like oh you know why
Cause you ever, did you see that documentary about him on Netflix? I didn't actually. I'm shocked. Um, it's, he grew up really poor, like fucking like cartoon cutaway poor of like a dilapidated row house in Philly and his mom to keep him safe. His mom would just schedule the shit out of him. Okay. So it was like debate, swimming, uh, work, uh,
homework what all the clubs he was like just all the sports clubs whatever so he just does that on his own that actually makes a lot of sense i know once i heard it it was like oh i'll never shit on his like need to do shit constantly again because it's what he knows basically yeah yeah um yeah but i feel i feel i feel like here's what the thing i'll say
You have to figure it out yourself. Like I, you know, for me, like, it's like, we talked about this when I did blocks, but it's like, uh,
you know, I can give this speech to a guy that's about to do what I did. And he's not going to be like, that's a good point. I think I will cut down my, you know, something, mister. Yeah. Yeah. You're a lot wiser than me. And I, I see, no, you just have to do it yourself, man. You have to go like, Oh yeah, that did suck. Yeah. Yeah. And it didn't prove anything. I didn't prove anything. And I did not feel like, Oh, now everyone knows. How many people do you think come to that conclusion though?
Do you know what I mean? Like, how often do you learn something? How often do you learn and change? That's a good question. Because I recently have gotten to a place of, like, I'm less ambitious. Not less ambitious, but I'm less, like, they think. And all, like, the narratives you tell yourself, I'm just like, eh. I just don't listen to it anymore. Yeah. Like, I've just gone, like, no, I'm not listening to that. Here's the best thing you can do is actually...
know what's going on, but just live in your own world. Like, you know what I mean? Like I'm out doing my own thing. I have my family, I have my work. And the more that you, I think are present in your own stuff, the less you even catch of what's going on outside of you. You know, like you hear, like you can get, everyone's been in that mode where you're like looking, what's he doing? What's he doing? What's he doing?
That usually means, though, that you're probably not super into what you're doing. If you're so caught up in everyone else's stats and what they're doing. Yes, and it's a good motivator. Yeah, well, you go, I need to do some shit. Yeah. But if you are lost in what you're doing, like you're really in your work, things are happening that are going past you. You're not even aware. You're not even aware. And that's the best place to be, where you're like, oh, I didn't know. That's great. Good for you. Yeah, good for the... And also that you're not...
competing directly with people or it's like just a waste of time. You can't. Yeah. And also like, what do you want? But it's hard to remember. Like, what do I want? Yeah. What do I actually like? Do you ask yourself that? I try. I really do try to ask myself that, like where I'll,
Just figuring out, what do I like doing? You're pretty good with that. It seems like you're good with hobbies and shit and cars and all that shit. Yeah. Whereas I realize I just like watching documentaries and walking. You're getting good at that, though. I saw you walk in. Yeah. Thank you so much.
You guys have hope they didn't film it, but it was pretty great. We have it on security. Yeah, great and And I want what I say watch the documentaries already. I don't like hang it reading like I don't like doing shit You like to travel kind of I mean you're single guy or not anymore not anymore, but okay congratulations What's his name?
She's a British woman and she's a therapist. Oh, Jesus. So it's pretty healthy. Wow. Bert has a thought about it if you'll slide down my phone real quick. Sorry. No problem. Yeah. Bert had some thoughts about it. If you'll just wait here. Yeah, British woman therapist. Wow. You want to know how poorly I understand Neil Brennan?
Last week I asked Neil if he and his British therapist girlfriend would want to drive out to the valley, crack open a bottle of white wine and jump in the hot tub with me and Leanne. Can you fucking imagine that nightmare for him? My double wide fungus riddled fucking feet intentionally accidentally grazing his beautiful girlfriend's silky British thighs. Fuck. He'd probably rather talk about Chappelle's show for the one thousandth time.
So there you go. Sorry. There you go. Did you fart? I did. It was, I'm sorry. I think it was Bert's voice. It was contagious. It's a laxative, Bert's voice. So, so yeah, British. So I don't really like doing, and I had to convince her, like, I don't like doing stuff. She'd be like, well, let's go. I'd be like, I don't want to. Here's the real question. How long have you been dating each other? Over here. How, what's her response? I think this is everything. What is her response?
to you being like, I don't want to do this and that? She... I think the natural female response in my life has been like, you don't want to do it with me. Uh-huh. But she's realized like, no, you don't want to do it at all. Uh-huh. And now she finally...
finally admitted she doesn't like doing stuff either there you go and that's why you're here yeah that's why we got a shot yeah yeah uh so so that's been great and it is occupying in terms of time and shit yeah that that's the thing about couples i think is like
If someone's like, my favorite thing is to go explore. And if the other person's like, fuck yeah, then you're like, this is a great match. But you have great explorer versus I like to lounge. No, it's going to not work. Yeah, that's not going to work. Because you're going to resent each other. 100%. And it's over. You and Christina, what do you like? Do you like watching documentaries? I mean...
We are like a lay around. Yeah. Like lounge type. We're not like, don't, don't, I don't want a lot of plans. Yeah. And that, so like, as far as just, you know, the energy of the person, like what you're about, it's that part. You're a match. Like we can just, even if we take a trip, it's like, we can go take a trip and like not have plans. Yeah.
Just hang out. Yeah. That's fun. That's enjoyable. Yeah. And yeah, put on something. And like, we don't always watch the same, but she'll be like, whenever she goes to bed, she's like, put on some murder for me to fall asleep to. Cause she knows I'm going to watch like either some true crime doc or, or some scripted movie that is like heinous and insane. And she's like, yes, I'll drift off to one of your deaths. But that's a, you know, there's a, like a way that that is actually working. Right. And,
And so are you glad she's a comic? Meaning, is that helpful in terms of like, you're knowing what you're like? A thousand percent. I mean, I remember early on, cause I was a, a young comic and people would go, you know, you just hear people say, and I don't even know what they mean at first. They're like, Oh, one thing you'd never want to do is date a comic. And I was like, Oh yeah, of course. Yeah. They're the worst. Yeah. I was like, yeah, definitely. I mean, we are. So why would we want to date one? I mean, I didn't even understand it. Yeah.
And then it was, you know, people had these horror stories about, I mean, some of it was that they would date a comic and then break up and then they have to see that person. And you're like, oh, that makes sense. But, and you knew you would never break up with Christina no matter what. No, I, I just, I was like, oh, this to me makes sense in terms of the fact that when you're doing something and the other person knows exactly what
what it is that you're doing, like they get everything. Oh, I got to go do another spot. They're not like, why are you going to do spots? Or, you know, we would, there was a time when we would both leave. We were living in LA. We'd both leave Wednesday because you had to get there for the Thursday morning press and do the weekend and fly back Monday. And we would have our 48 hours together. And then we would both split again. That was like, we were both doing that three to four weeks every month and
But I mean, I thought it helped. Imagine if she were home that whole time. Mad. Yeah. Like, why are you keep doing this? It's like, yeah, this is the gig. Well, does the separation now help? Do you think it separated? Cause I, my girl's from England, so I didn't, I wasn't seeing her that much. Yeah. And I think it gives more.
lifespan to the to like the connection and the relationship so it's not all spent uh there's that factor the other thing that i realize now especially i recognize it more when i see it in her is that when you you have kids and you have your home life how much uh a weekend of gigs for her is so good to like go leave the kids get away do the thing you love which is stand up yeah
not kids not kids you don't love the kids you love this job no but like you know go have fun go recharge don't have the responsibilities and then when she comes back it's just like she's gone like two days and i see it she's like that was the best and you're like okay so you need like you have to have this too so we we trade in that thing you you leave you do your work come back and
and everybody feels better. Yeah, great. We're figuring out where to live and all that shit, but I'm confident it's going to work. We have to take a quick break. I have to go to the bathroom. Okay. Sorry. Is that the farting thing? The fart definitely... Was the harbinger...
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And we're back. Great. How do you... You don't mind going to the bathroom not at home? No, I don't mind. I mean, I obviously prefer it. Sure. Also, like, you know, you're having a meal at the hotel restaurant and you have to go to the bathroom. I'm like, yeah, I'm going up to the room. I'm not going to use...
the one down here yeah why would i what is anyone question you on that i mean it just had to come up before like i've you know they're like why don't you just go here i'm like because my room's upstairs yeah because i want to get my computer and put on my outfit yeah my jacket i have a friend i have a friend that would get completely naked
I've heard of that. Yeah, he would get completely naked every time he had to go. And it just seems like he started that way and couldn't. I'm assuming it's a guy because I feel like a woman wouldn't. It's a thousand percent a guy. Yeah, there's no woman who's like, I always get naked to shit. Yeah, no. I don't like an off-campus. I think Lifetime, I think I'm under five.
Lifetime. Lifetime? I believe... I mean, it's five or less. You look like someone who goes in a very healthy way. Are you very healthy? You'd be surprised. Really? Not as healthy as... I'd like to see some footage. Yeah. Yeah, I don't... I just don't like leaving. I don't... I just don't want to be in a stall. I can figure it out. You can? I'll just wait. Yeah. Have you ever shit on a plane? Oh, here's... You know what? I haven't. Oh. But I did...
All right. I was in Hong Kong. First time I went to Hong Kong and I stayed at like a nice hotel. Shout out to Sam's Taylor and shout out to new Punjabi club. Keep going. Fantastic. And stay at a hotel. Say it like maybe that there's a Shangri-La maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Nice hotel. And, uh, ate a meal first night and then went to sleep and, uh,
Middle of the night, kind of feel a little something ended up shitting the bed. Really? Yeah. How does that happen? Carelessness. You know, I just thought it was a fart. Oh, OK. And then it ended up and then I was kind of like, well, I can squeeze whatever. Was it a little thing? It wasn't like a huge, but it was big.
It was like, I can't just ignore that and go to sleep. No, I did though. Oh, you did? You did. I shouldn't have, but I did. You're just like, I'm going to sleep. And I woke up the next day, because I was kind of in the middle of the night, so I didn't know. And it had gone into the mattress. Wow. And then, so then the next night, I'm like, we're going to, I've never had like warm food poisoning. We're not doing that again. I'm good. Did it again. Into the mattress. A second stain into the mattress. Wow.
This is when you switch rooms, right? I mean, I don't... I had to leave the country. Yeah, yeah. No, I didn't even know what to do because I didn't want to call. It's like, do I just not say anything? I crumpled it up. I think I tried to do the wet wipes and I'm not banned. So wait, in the morning after the first one, you don't call housekeeping and be like, we got a little situation? I don't think I did. What?
This is like the first 48. Yeah, yeah. Taking shit to bed. Yeah, it's like, look, I know you love your mom. No, I didn't call nobody. I didn't take that shit. I've been there, buddy. I've been there. So yeah, so I don't like shit. I have a pretty stellar record in terms of public shitting. I feel like now I am just completely at the... And I wasn't always like this, where it's like...
If I'm anywhere and I'm like, I got to go, I'm like, then I'm going. Like, there's no... The thing that has changed my whole life is that I have a washlet, you know, the Toto washlet. Yeah, I have one. And then when you leave... By the way, you can get cheaper ones for way less. You can. The washlet's like a thousand bucks or something. Yeah, yeah. There's ones that are like 99 bucks. Yeah, yeah. Like Tushy, I think, is the brand. But when you leave...
And the first time you don't have that, you're like, I'm an animal. This is disgusting. It's like fucking like a... You're like a peasant. And then Jeff Tate is the one who... We do The Road together a lot. And he always has the flushable wipes with him. Yeah. And I'm like...
This is genius. He's like, yeah, dude, just go buy a bag of these. Where do they sell these? They sell them fucking everywhere. And every time I see them, I'm like, do you have those wipes on you? And he's like, yeah. Do you need some? I go, yeah. Yeah, you know I do. And he's like, why don't you carry these? And I'm like, I just, I can't remember. But they're so cool. There's also a portable tushy, I think. I got one of those as a gift. And I was like, great. I don't know. You're just not going to.
Yeah. Cause also how do you carry it around? But flushable wipes. Yeah. Game changer too. Also, I don't know if they are flushable. Are they flushable? Some of them say it on there. Okay. It says like these are, cause I guess they're made with a different thickness to it or something. Sure.
Here's the thing. Don't even doubt it. Just get them. Yeah. Get them. And especially if it's not your toilet, right? I mean... Yeah. Take it from me. Someone else's pipes. Yeah. It's someone else's mattress. It's a shingle. I can fix it. Have your fucking... They're covered. They'll get another mattress. They don't care. Oh, you've been... Did you do more of the ayahuasca? Did I do that again? No, I didn't do ayahuasca. I did... I got connected to...
yeah the people who do the retreats and all that i haven't signed up for i haven't done no i mean it's just been too hard to schedule too but the guy was like come to this thing with like 20 people and i was like nah see i would i'm with you but it you can get a lot out of i mean it's something interesting about it's not you're not no one's gonna care that you're like no one cares about that but i get that it's like ah yeah i was like how about a private
And he was like, yeah, you can do it, but I think you'll like the group more. And I was like, I think I like the private. Have you seen my work? I was like, give me the private. He's like, it's expensive. I was like, man, what do you got? What's expensive to you? Give me a taste. Let me see what you're talking about. Any other drugs for you? Drugs wise. I got, there's all, now there's like, there's, you know, there's so many people in the,
and nutrient and supplement world. Yeah. And now like somebody gave me, they're like, oh, you should take this in the morning. I'm like, what is it? They're like, it's like mushrooms. And I'm like, but it's like packaged. Yeah. It's like, get your day started. Yeah. I'm like, okay. I've been taking those from time to time. Those are good. Great. Yeah. Not really. I really loved this drug.
uh, Vyvanse, I think it's called. Yeah. It's like a version of, it's like Adderall. Adderall. Yeah. And my doctor, I keep going like, what about now? He's like, no, he's like, nah. And I go, why? He's like, there's too much, uh, cardiac risk. And I'm like, my heart's fine.
I'm fine. And he's like, yeah, no, I can't because I don't feel comfortable with it. And I'm like, what if I just did it anyway? And he's like, no. So he keeps shooting it down. How much did you do it? I just did it once. And I was like, this is the best. Was there anything cardiac-y about it? Not at all. No. But it's just the risk. He just goes by, I know there's a risk and I don't want to put you in that position. And I'm like...
What if you hired a person like a organ guy? Yeah. Like just to pay him 100 grand a year and you have dibs on his organs. Oh, yeah. What about the staff? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, guys. What do you? Yeah. Who's the first? He looks good. What? Would you like to be an organ donor? Organ donor? Yeah. Yeah.
I think I'm going to have to pass. Okay. Not loyal. Go ahead. I'm an organ donor. I got my little sticker on. But I'm saying like you work, you are expressly for, you can't give to anybody else. Yeah, they're for me. Oh, organ donor to YMH. Well, not everyone under the umbrella. Just to Tom. And if I run into a problem, you know, we take it.
Organ donor. Yeah. Just to Tom. Yeah. Just to Tom's pocket. Yes, boss. This sounds like a good idea. I'm on board. All right. Cut the mic. So I buy it. Yeah. That felt genuine to me. Yeah, I guess. And there's that thing too, where like,
When your doctor expresses that, you're kind of like, come on, man. But then you're like, are you fucking cool or not? Yeah. And the other... But by the way, they sell it in Mexico, like, over the counter, like, in the store. Mexico's real close. It's awfully close. Yeah. It'd be a real shame. They sell that there? Vyvanse? Yeah. I bought it there. Now, do you like it? What do you think? Yeah. Yeah. I buy... Like, if you're gonna write...
I, it's great for everything. Oh, this is what I was going to ask you earlier because of the wonderful app you were using. Do you, cause the first thing I think of with, with you is actually writing. And that was the first thing that like everybody was talking about when the writer's strike started there. Yeah. Yeah. There's genuine concern about AI and,
And I actually, I had lunch with a movie producer and I joked and he was like, ah, we could have AI write it. He's like, actually, he goes, it's not that bad. He's like, it's pretty good. What's sad is they're going to have to, the AI is going to need a human overlord. Like it would take, like you say AI write an action movie, whatever. No, the funny thing is,
I was talking to Jimmy Carr about it, and I said, like, are you worried about AI? And he was like, not at all. And then he said, a friend of mine tried to AI some Jimmy Carr jokes, and it said it couldn't do it. And then I did it, and I sent him the jokes, and I sent him five jokes. He goes, I would do three of these. Yeah. Like, if you have a certain kind of joke...
AI can hack the sort of formula. The other part to that is that, let's say these are not great. We're also in version one of this shit. Five years from now, you don't think it's going to be unbelievably better? By leaps and bounds, it's going to be so much better. The question becomes, well, I think you should be able to, you should be able to buy AI, enter your
your body of work into it and then own whatever it generates oh that's interesting like that i think would be kind of useful like that shit with like a drake song if i'm drake i'd be like yeah see what this see what he can do yeah and then if i like it i'll redo it or something or yes i was gonna say what if it gives you something where you're like this isn't something i would put out but i can work with this yeah yeah i i'm betting people are close to doing that yeah um
The the issue becomes there's going to be need of human overlord to like examine it and then decide what's usable or not. And then eventually they're going to get replaced. Yeah. My question with AI is if they so no one's going to work, all that stuff, everyone gets put out of work. How are they how how are they going to sell shit to people that don't have any money?
Do you know what I mean? Like if no one's working, if no one has an income, then I'm not going to be able to buy whatever the AI is generating. Right. So there's going to have to be some sort of. It's just going to take everyone's work. You're like, oh, yeah. Oh, and then, yeah. So it'll just either. I mean, society is going to probably collapse in the next 10 years anyway. Yeah, sure. Yeah. But it's just about as many specials as you can do what you can. But so it just figuring out like what.
is the the i don't i don't i have no fucking idea i have no it's one of these things where i'm like i can't even picture it yeah cell phones you can see sort of see like it'll be a computer on your whatever that shit but this is like i have no but i've heard people be like
The Jimmy Carr joke thing was like interesting. Really? They were pretty good jokes. And how did you feed it? I said jokes about social media in the style of Jimmy Carr. And then it just gave you stuff. Yeah. It gave me five jokes. And it wasn't... I would use three of these. Yeah. Yeah.
So yours would be... You'd be harder, but they could probably figure out a version of it. It would be like the worst version of... Your worst fears about yourself. Yeah. It's like, this is who you are. Yeah. Yeah, basically. You'll be like, this is who you are. And you're like... No, but there's some panache you guys are missing, but maybe not. No. So yeah, so that's the... So I'm not worried about it. And the other thing is like...
or i'm almost done anyway sure we only get a window in this yeah yeah like i'm uh you know i'm not at the beginning of it so no like just no so like a little ride yeah pretty good so far i've had a couple different jobs like i'll just and then i'll be like all right we good do i need to keep doing this thanks so much thank you yeah that's kind of how i feel um although i do like
I like the stand-up part of it. I like the stand-up part of my career. Yeah, that's fun, right? Yeah. It's been significant. They've all been fun, but this part's fun. But looking back, when I'm just having done a bunch of shit, it's fun to have done a bunch of shit. Yeah, dude, I know the special is out. I saw the clips. Yeah. It's very good, man. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you very much. It is funny, like...
Trying to get guys like you who knew me as a writer and be like, yeah. No, it is. I know. But it's very funny. I mean, it's insightful, smart, really good stuff, really good jokes. I mean, the three that I saw were very, very good. Yeah. Well, what do you think? I have a joke about.
that they're turning to comedians now for like moral leadership it's it's hilarious because it's so spot on and then fine like when it comes to transgender issues and they go well what do the clowns think yeah that's like why are you asking who cares why what the guy who played rick james thinks yeah about transgender like why or why are you taught why are you looking to joe for
it's for fucking vaccine it's you and i did when when covet broke out did you go well i better call joe no i called my cousin who's a an infectious disease doctor like yeah like hey this is your field yeah i want to know about how to choke somebody out i'll call joe yeah
That was, yeah. But that's how I go through everything. I don't call you when I have a problem with my car. Correct. I call the mechanic. And I'm like, what do you think is going on? Yeah. So yeah, the funny thing is that people are like, well, you should use your platform for this. And I'm like, no, I shouldn't. That's not the whole point of this. Also, your platform would...
die within six months. If you started being like a responsible... That's not the point. That is definitely not the point. The point is to... The point is to get misinformation out there. Yeah, yeah. And you've been so good with that. And also, if you are...
you know, like wanting something sincere and, and like virtuous and, and, and helpful. It's like, it's our whole thing is to mock that. Yeah. Like, yeah, that's fucking go to church or go to wherever you need to go. But the fact that it's supposed to be, it's so weird. Yeah. Your pronouns are gay. Yeah.
Yes. That's what we do here. Yes. You're not supposed to be respectful. No. And like, no, we're affirming values and all that shit. What's interesting, too, about even like if you want to go after like, you know...
Any comic, Dave, anybody about it. It's like, there's also, you're getting, you're, you're forming your opinion about them in the thing that they do where they're supposed to not be respectful and polite and, and insight. Like,
If you have a one-on-one conversation over dinner with a comedian about these topics, then you're getting a sincere take on how they might feel. And then you can be like, oh, that's actually... But once there's a microphone, the whole point is to be silly, inflammatory. And actually, you almost, in a way, try to just be the funniest, disrespectful person you can be. Like, that's what's funny. If it's the funniest thing you can possibly say...
Then fuck it. That's what you're supposed to say. And then to report it like, this is unbelievable that they did this. Really? Yeah. The goofball was fucking goofing around. Let me get this straight. This, I mean, the joke I used to make five years ago was like, so let me get this straight. Louis CK, the guy who asked Donald Rumsfeld live on opiate Anthony, if he was a lizard person. Yeah. Ask Donald Rumsfeld. Are you a lizard person? That guy didn't do sex normally. Yeah.
Are you shitting me? Like that goes to every one of these scandals, people where it's like, you know, every one of these comedians is kind of doing what they're supposed to do other than once it broke laws. But like, yeah, this idea that word now, because you're popular, now you have to become like a member of the government or something. Or like, you know, there's, you could actually study this where when you see popular comedians, uh,
Then go, and now I will speak for society and be very serious about it. How everyone's like, oh, actually, actually you're going to lose everyone. Yeah. The people who like you for being a comedian are going to be like, you're not being a comedian. Yeah. And then the people who were like, I wanted you to be like this, they're like,
Who the fuck are you? Well, yeah, they don't like it anymore. They like that you were sort of, let's say Carlin is a good example of when people, George Carlin was just like, he fought for free speech. Yeah, but he was saying like, he was saying shit, whatever, all the shitty, the seven dirty words or whatever. And then Carlin later on had a bit that I mentioned when I was doing press the other day about anorexic girls where he's like, rich bitch won't eat fucker. Yeah.
Yeah. How's that for helpful? No, it's not very nice or kind or like supportive of the community or whatever, but like that's was never supposed to be his job. Yeah. If you're doing the daily show or something like John was, but even he had, I remember and I, he had like a thing where he used to go, I'm on after robots. Yeah. Yeah. Why are you holding me to the standard? And then I think eventually he just accepted that he was, uh,
It's kind of a moral leader. Yeah. And he also, I think there's a thing with John specifically where he, you know, he knows on a certain level that he just is smarter, smarter than most people. He is. He's a really smart guy. And then,
But unfortunately for him, there is some responsibility with being really smart. Yeah. Because you have to go like, okay, well, I can tap out and be like, well, I'm fucking too dumb to understand this anyway. Yeah. But at a certain point, when you really have a grasp of things, you have to do something with that. And it's also what his audience expects. Yeah. Because Trevor's in the same boat, Seth Meyers, John Oliver. Yeah. There's a few guys where you're kind of supposed to be like,
But if they didn't want to do it, I would totally understand. Yeah, for sure. And yeah, like I, they're all like that anyway. Yeah. But I don't, expecting other people to be like that is just because they're popular. That's it. It's like, well, Joe, you're popular. So now you have to.
become like... I will say this about Joe. When his popularity really exploded with the podcast, he's the one that always points out, like he'll say what he has to say, share his opinion, and then he'll be like, look, I'm a fucking weed-smoking comic that loves fights. I'm a fight commentator. I know, they always edit that part out. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, don't fucking listen to me. Well, that's the thing. It's like Joe spread so much misinformation about vaccines. And it's like, yeah, but he also spread information about elk meat.
Yeah, I mean. That didn't take off. Like, he's espoused a bunch of shit that just didn't. They only take the shit that they are. Joe is very authentic to who he is. That's the thing. He's not lying. No. He is like that all the time. This guy wakes up and takes the day, starts with a cold plunge, works out.
does podcasts does archery yeah does stand up yep eats the elk like all the things like that's really how he is there's no days off really from any of this and then he talks about it yep and you know you can be like i don't give a fuck or you can be like i like all this whatever it is like yeah that's one guy telling you exactly how he is yes and if he if he became like a mouthpiece for the nih
it would all kind of be meaningless. - Kind of, yeah. - It would just become like, he's not there to read information, he's there to talk about elk meat. - Yeah, and he's a naturally, like he's always been a skeptic and been like, huh, what's up with this? I don't fucking buy this. Like always. - Yes, but it used to be aliens and weed and all that shit. - Yeah, yeah, and then I think they're making a comeback. I think the aliens are coming back. - Yeah, great.
So, yeah, so I just find the whole thing kind of stupid. And then I also do a bit that I didn't send you, but about how I want good mental health for people. Yeah. Like there's a big movement in sports now. I'm like, I want good mental health for everybody, but not athletes.
I'm like, we need our athletes to be total psychos. Yeah. Like, did you watch The Last Dance? Yeah. Did Michael Jordan seem mentally healthy to you in the slightest? He's so unhealthy. He's out of his mind. Yeah. All those guys are. Yeah. Actually, say this. All the elite ones that you go, I want to be like him. No, you don't.
lebron said last week on his podcast jj reddick in order to be great you have to hurt your family yeah yeah or like something or like hurt your loved ones or something it's like yeah you sure do yeah every great anything it's another bit psychopaths and drug addicts yeah almost to a person and in sports where like you're competing with the most elite athletes if you want to be
At another level than they are. Yeah. You're making crazy decisions. Yeah. Lance Armstrong got a blood transfusion during a race. Yeah. Pulled over. Yeah. Got in a bus. New blood.
Back on the bike. Back on the bike. Yeah. So, yeah, this idea of like, we need good mental health for everybody. It's like, you don't want it for inventors. You don't want it. No. And good work-life balance. If you want to see greatness, you don't want them to have great mental health. No. They're not going to bother. No. They wouldn't bother. They'd do other shit. The other really funny thing you said is like when people are like, yeah, but is that person nice when everyone's...
Like thing is... You know, I'm... I think this person's talented, but are they nice? Why do you... The joke in the special is, is Ellen nice? Yeah. And the joke I want to say is, don't worry, you're never going to meet her. And if you are, it would be real brief. Yeah. And if you... Unless you're a $50 million house, you're never going to meet her. Because those are the only kinds of houses she... So, yeah. And it... But why... They move the goalposts, basically. Like...
you're talented, but are you nice? You're nice. And the other thing is, Sandler's very nice. He couldn't get a good review for 30 years. Yeah, exactly. So what good did it do? Or Ellen's like a really help gay people. A lot of good it did her when people started saying she wasn't that nice. Yeah, that's true. And also, how nice do you think...
Again, and Ellen is a fucking hilarious person. So I'm not going to be like... But the idea that how nice to expect... America wants to marginalize people and then be like, you better smile when we bring you back, Muhammad Ali. Yeah, yeah. Don't forget the fact that we put you on ice for five years. When you come back, you better be nice and you better be kind and all that shit. It's just these unreal expectations for the wrong people.
It's true. And America does really like to go, we want to see this person really succeed. And we like to lift them up. And they're like, that's enough. Yeah. And then make that person come down, shit all over them. And then they go, God, they're really down now.
Let's bring them back. Bring them back a little bit. And hopefully they have a smile on their face. Yeah. And you better be nice the whole time because it's like, so why should I forget? And you're supposed to forget. Yeah. Which people can't, you know, if you know people, they don't forget. So, so yeah, I'm like advocating for put, I don't know. Now the next thing is like, well, who should be, who should the leaders be? Yeah. Who should the leaders of society be at this point?
It's because all the church and clergy people were fucking. Yeah. And then the, all the government people are corrupt. The government people are, and that's who does get to lead. Yeah. And then the people who you go, I wish this person would be a leader. Like the person you really like those people go, no, I'm way too aware of,
to want to get involved in that mess. Even if you made a board, right? Like made like a auxiliary board or like a Supreme, a five person board of like how America should be. Who would you even put on it? Yeah. It's like, cause I've done this in my head, like Dolly Parton that most people would agree on. Yeah. Dolly Parton. Denzel. For what? Yeah.
Well, he just seems like the wise, put-together, kind of centered guy who I go, that's how you're supposed to be as a man. Yeah, I guess he's like a football coach. He feels like the kind of man you go, that's how to conduct yourself. Yeah, talented, educated, and...
Yeah, like an ethical guy. Yeah. Obama? You think people on the right would take Obama in? No, they wouldn't. They'd definitely take Denzel over him. The Rock? He's so popular. Yeah. Yeah, and he has great branding. He has great branding. Jon Stewart? Yeah. And here's the thing. If you're going to have Jon, you have to have... Because people accept that he is...
super bright you know and and and a good person but they're also like hey man this guy's a mouthpiece for the left so you have to have almost an equal who's equal to john on the right to to create the balance kid rock yeah you said it yeah kid rock yeah there's you need the balance yeah kid rock you need the balance uh yeah and then i've run out of people because everybody else is so polarized
Yeah. Dolly Parton's 70-something. She kind of is too old to even be considered in the... Right. Taylor Swift, no. And the funny thing about that is that everybody would be like, you know, I like this Dolly choice. And then she would voice something like, well, you know, trans people should do whatever. And then people are like, you fucking old dumb bitch. Yeah. That's exactly the way people react. So it's like, I don't know who's supposed to lead. And then...
Is Joe supposed to be heroic or patriotic? Be like, you know what? I will become... It's impossible now. Yeah. It's all impossible. There's no World War II, everyone pitch in and let's... Maybe that's what we needed. A war? A world war. Great. Go on. Because what happens is you remember...
When 9-11 happened, people were already on, oh, Bush is a fucking moron. Yeah. And just your typical whoever's in power, the other side just trashes, right? That's just the way things go. But when you have an event, a horrific event, like either a terrorist attack or a war, then everyone really does go, all right, we got to stick together, right? Yeah. And nothing like world, like when your nation is at war. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't know, man. I don't want to say that World War III is a great idea, but maybe it could help us out. You don't want to say bomb us. You don't want to say that bomb. No. I don't want you to bomb us. No. But if they did... But you're going to see some Americans come together. Where would you suggest? Golden Gate Bridge? San Francisco's a mess already. Oh, right. Well, I wonder if they bomb San Francisco if America would be like, good, San Francisco.
So many people would. No, I know. So many people would be like, fuck that place. Yeah. If they bombed Dallas or something, they'd be mad. Yeah. Atlanta, Dallas, Phoenix. No, don't do that. Everybody would get on board. Certain cities, though, they would. Yeah, certain cities, no. So it would have to be an importance, like a city where less gays...
Yeah. Like what the most hetero city. Yeah. What's the most, I think that Pittsburgh. Oh, there you go. Pittsburgh. Yeah. If they bought Pittsburgh, America would be like, all right, we are coming together. Like this is stop. How dare you? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't really know where to, where to go with, you know, where America is supposed to go. It's funny that two clowns can't figure it out.
Yeah, I expected more from it. I don't know. Maybe we're in it. I don't think we're supposed to. But we think about this shit. Yeah. There's no answer. Everything feels worse than it was. Yeah. You know, it's funny. It's like things are bad and you go, man, things are really bad. And they always get worse. Yeah. I mean, people have been talking about this divide for years now. And you're like, yeah, it doesn't feel like it's healing. No. No.
Social media made it worse. Yeah. Significantly worse. Yeah. Fox news and then social media. And I don't, are you on social media at all? Yeah, but I have really like, I don't post on three of the four that I have accounts on. Um, the only one that I actively, because it's fucking pictures, Instagram, you know, like that feels like the most, Oh, I can digest this. But yeah,
I don't do Facebook. I don't do Twitter. Yeah, I don't manage TikTok. Those things just go up without me. Yeah, me too. Yeah, it's too crazy. It is too crazy. Every time you open it, you're like, this is fucking- There was something kind of fun about it for a little bit, and then it just became so quickly. Twitter's so weird to me. I'm like, who's excited by this? When people are like-
the the user ship is up and i'm like yeah really people more people are doing this yeah i think that's a lie i don't think that's true yeah um i think the numbers they put out aren't true and then you see people who cheerlead for it i'm like who's actually being like god i love it here like there'll be no nick it's not this is a place to be and you're like can i check in with burt real quick yeah let's see what he's doing i want to hear if he has any thoughts you want to know how
Okay, let me explain to you people what my inner monologue is. Tell a story and I'll tell you what I hear. And begin now. When is this going to be about Burt? Be about Burt. This is like school, it's so boring. And not school like Florida State. FSU is a pregame booze parking lot that sometimes holds classes. Graduating from FSU is like graduating from a mid-level grade school.
People that have an FSU diploma on their wall might as well have a placemat from Arby's up there instead. Who gives a shit? When is this going to be about Burt? It's not about Burt yet. This sucks. Make this about Burt. Why do I call myself Burt instead of calling myself me? Because me is Burt. Oh, this sucks. Oh, God.
Oh, this sucks so bad. We got to get out of this. Okay, they just mentioned the city of Atlanta. Use that as a way to bring up your daughter, Georgia. Make up a story where you're driving with Georgia, and she says something funny that you clearly wrote, so you seem like a regular guy who loves his kids. Great. Your dad was wrong about you, Bert. You're like Tony the Tiger. You're great. Somebody's got a new clothes, or Tommy's going to be so jealous. Wow, that was fucking... So he sent you voice notes before you came on today? Or...
uh i took his audio wait a minute you're trying to tell me yeah you let me get this straight that's how good ai is it's just all that wow yes um i i did write it but he okay but that's his yeah that's really great thank you so much yeah and uh we actually that that's fair because we had not spoken about him in minutes
No, he was so... He was going to fire everybody. Right now, he was listening. He was like, this is the fucking most boring episode ever. He loves this podcast. And then, right now, he was like, all right, it just got good again. It just got good. Yeah. And how's the rest of your life? It's pretty good. Great. I can't complain. Great. Yeah. I think I'm in a pretty good spot right now. I mean...
The tour is very manageable, like I said. I love coming here. I got some other projects, like we were talking about. And yeah, that's stuff I've always wanted to do. So it's really fun. Oh, here's a question. What do you want? What do you, the thing you're doing, what are you trying to get from it? To me, the fun thing, like what I'm most excited about, is I've actually always loved, you know,
story like writing stories telling like so it's I feel like they gave me a pass to be like hey well you know how like in film school you get to go like all right now you get to make a film yeah like I feel like they they are like okay go make some great go make some great here's a budget
do whatever they go like, they're like, do whatever you want. So that part is like really exciting. Yeah. Cause I, I've been through the development process a number of times and I mean, I don't have to tell you, but it's a very fun and exciting process. Um, and you always kind of end the thing that sucks is you go, Oh, when you get to the finish line, you're like, I'm making something that I don't want to make essentially in a lot of ways. Um,
And this feels like the time where they're like, no, no. Yeah. What do you want to make?
And I go, I literally was like, this is what I want to make. Yeah. And they said, go ahead. Yeah. So that's exciting. Yeah. Yeah. And do you, and it's literally, you just want to see it and put it out. That's it. And let people enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, is it like, I'm going to redefine what they, it's none of that. It's none of that. No, it really is this. I mean, it's essentially how I used to, like, I thought of this when I was doing standup early on.
I got that whole thing in my head of like, no, what you're doing is you're saying, this is what I find funny. Yeah. You get on a mic, you go, this is what I find funny. And when they laugh, they're like, I get why you, you know, I agree or I don't agree, right? They either laugh or they don't. And I feel like this project lets me go like,
This is what I want to make. And people are either going to respond in a good or not. And I don't have the ambition of, like, hopefully it breaks all the records. Yeah. And the good thing about Netflix is it's, like, hard to even tell if it breaks records or not. It's got a 17.9. What happens, though, is you do end up having conversations where...
If you talk to certain people, they're like, yeah, that didn't do so well. Oh, no, I know. That is fun when people, when like the big execs will let it slip. They'll let it slip sometimes. Also, the surprise you get is sometimes you hear that about things you thought were big and they're like, that's not big. And you're like, oh, because you have no gauge for it. Yeah. It was like on my algorithm. Cool.
crushing yeah um they're like that's not big or or the thing that you think i guess that didn't do well they're like that's a monster and you're like okay let us know in the comments who you think didn't do good yeah on netflix i have a few i could ruin my relationship there yeah okay me as well yeah i mean i'll tell you in a second yeah but yeah yeah um yeah what about you though because now you're like i don't that's the thing i was saying is like i don't
I love doing stand-up. I love being able to travel around and talk. I always thought that was the coolest thing. Yeah, it is. Even when I was making a TV show, Half-Baked, Chabelle Show, I was always like, I did a movie, I directed a movie, called The Goods, Piven, Will Ferrell, a bunch of people. And the whole time I was like, not even me, I should be doing that. I just thought, that's the coolest thing.
Richard Pryor doing stand-up is better than his movies. Yeah. I guess Eddie's movies are better than stand-up. Better than his stand-up? Than his stand-up, yeah. It's close, but like 48 Hours, Training Places, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, Nutty Professor, pretty good run. Somebody told me, okay, I got to cut you off. They told me, we were talking about
We were asked by non-comedians, and there was a bunch of us at this lunch, and one of them was a comedy movie producer who has produced a lot of big comedies. And they're like, give me top five, the non-comedians, give me the top five comedies. And I was like, well, in no particular order, I was like, well, I'd definitely put Coming to America in there as like a... And then the guy goes, oh, I'd put Blues Brothers in there.
ahead of that and i go blues brothers is minstrel i was like no and he was like yeah i go you put it ahead of it he goes yeah definitely blues brother is a good movie yeah blues brother is like a good it's fucking cool and it's a cool we're gonna like we gotta help the nuns it's like a fundraiser movie sure and uh and like but going around getting a blues uh blues band they got good people the show the songs are good the sequences are good
and it does like the big chase at the end is like there's a lot of good cool ideas i think the problem for me with that that i see in it now isn't that that i don't think that movie should be celebrated it's more like you go you realize oh what is the one that i you know well that comes down to like when you're born exactly that's my point it's like so much that like the prior thing we will talk about prior i always point out i'm like yeah but
I just, I missed. Yeah, generationally it doesn't, it didn't change my life. So I don't disrespect him. Like, bring the pain changed my life way more than Richard Pryor. Exactly my point. I go that, that when you're, if you're at a certain age, you're just going to miss certain things. It's like the, the goat argument for sports. Yeah. It's like, yeah, try to tell like someone our dad's age that like Wilt Chamberlain's not the best. Yeah. They'll be like, fuck off. You don't understand. Yeah. It's like who you watched.
And it doesn't take long for it to turn over either. No. Like, cause Brady's almost out now. It's like my homes. Yeah. Yeah. People, people forget quickly, man. Um, but yeah, so I don't really, I just like doing standup honestly. And I, the, the, the schedule of doing TV shows and that shit is hard. Yeah. It's like very hard. You might have a reasonable time with it. I'm excited about that.
Just a 10-hour day? No, like how I set up the show. Yeah. We get to shoot it in Austin. Yeah. That's a huge deal. Huge, yeah. And yeah, it's not... I mean, I can shoot it in not that much time. Yeah, it's going to look really shitty, just so you guys know. Well, we're doing the whole show in a week. Great. And a green screen? Yeah, well, here. Right over here. I love it. Yeah. Yeah, so that...
And the other thing is like, nothing I do is going to be as successful as that. So it's like, ah. That kind of is a relief in a way. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, no, so I can do something people notice. Okay, cool. I didn't think you'd like it. Yeah. So let me just walk around, do stand up. You're loving though, doing stand up. Yeah. Dude, it's the thing. We just talk. I know. And people give you money for it.
It's very crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy to get used to it. Yeah. And it's crazy to get used to it. And it's crazy. Like, you forget how rare it is. You forget how luck. I mean, whatever. Saying you're lucky is, like, overused at this point. But, like, really lucky. Like, really. Like, you almost can't even talk about it. Right. Because you're like, what's going to happen? Yeah. Like, really.
Okay. That's true. So, yeah, I just like doing Santa. So what is your thing now? How do you do it when special comes out? I was trying to rush an hour, and then I realized there's no... This is not making me... I don't like this. It was stressing me out. I was forcing it, and I was like, I'll just put tickets on sale when I have a new hour. So now you'll just go back to spots? Yes.
Right? Yeah. Figure it out. Just doing spots at the store. Try to figure out five minutes, 10 minutes. I got 20. You got 20 now. I have 20 now. Like good 20.
it but you know so when i have another when i have an hour then i'll put it on sale and the it's like jessalyn it does it that way where it's like no i'll just wait until i have the hour yeah and then i'll assume that you'll know what's gonna be good yeah and then we'll go from there it's pretty good system yeah it but it does take in a certain amount of faith in the audience do you do the thing like when i get to like
40 i'll book a couple clubs yeah and i'll do a few yeah i've done that in asia where i've had like 35 40 and did like tokyo the club in tokyo there was one there used to be one in singapore uh i've done bangkok and it's great because you don't it can be shaggy yeah and they're so happy you're there that's cool yeah so i'll probably do that and or like hawaii just somewhere not
Less whites. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, just do it that way. And then I don't feel pressed in any way, kind of. Yeah. Which is a cool thing.
It's weirdly like being like zero gravitational. Yeah, because you get to work freely then if you don't feel like, oh man, I got to do this. Yeah. And what did you do? You took, did you take time off or you were here? I got off in May of last year, came home, was like, okay, comes out in a month or so. And then did exactly what we're talking about, spots, spots, do a club weekend here. I did probably like,
Over the few months, I did a few Friday sets. Were you sitting on shit that you didn't put in the hour before that you were like, this could be a bit? Oh, yeah, but only a couple. And then just started working that out and then went from the clubs to did a couple small theaters, did a big one, did some international dates, and then went into the big, big rooms. But the time between the...
Tour ending and like going to arenas was like 10 months. Yeah. Yeah. And did you, and okay. So the tour ending, so not like the hour being, when did you, how about between filming and arenas? Oh, so I filmed in November of the prior year and yeah. And then the arena started a year later or 13 months or when you got, have you talked about getting heckled on the taping? Cause I watched you put the clip up.
and i watched you i literally i couldn't well that's a similar thing happened to me on three mics really almost worse yeah telling a story at the end about my dad dying and all this and the next door to the theater is a club and music starts thumping oh my god and i'm like i'm gonna kill someone yeah i can't believe this is happening
And I, uh, I just was like, you can't, there's nothing you can do. You can't. Yeah. You just, I just had to act like it wasn't happening. I mean, I remember that I was, cause I did it in the round. Uh huh. So you have that thing where you're kind of continuously slowly moving. Yeah. And so I'm,
I'm walking here, and as I turn here, I'm still speaking, but my brain goes, I swear a guy was just waving at you. There's no way, though. And so I keep doing the circle, and when I come back the second time, he's like, and I'm just like, and I go, are you waving? He's like, what's up, dude? And I go, what's up? He's like, fucking...
I go, we're at a taping. And he's like, yeah. I go, this is when you thought to do this? He goes, it is what it is. And then they threw them out. And that's the funny thing. After the show, I'm like, what was up? They go, they did not understand why we were taking them out. And I was like, what? And he's like, they were like, what the fuck? And they're like, yeah, you're disrupting a taping. Like, they're shooting this. Because if they're not, could you have ignored it?
I don't think so because it was, I mean, it might have been like the third time where they were still, they were in the back row, but of the front part of this place. And yeah, I mean, it was just, it was too distracting. Yeah. I was just like, I mean, they were literally going.
Like, until I said, what's up? And they're like, what up, bro? I'm like, yeah, not much. Just this right now. Yeah. What the fuck, man? Yeah. And then they, yeah, the crew was like, yeah, we walked them out and they were like, I don't get it. Why are we getting there? Because you're, we're at a taping. Like, you don't see how everyone's like just watching the show because we have to tape it. And they were like, I don't know. This is fucked up. Like,
Yeah, and you can't explain to them like know what it means and like it's very distracting Even if you get heck even if someone's making noise This is like trying to explain to somebody who you know when you land on a flight and they're like yeah Yeah, we're here now, and you're just like Jesus Christ man like you don't know yeah that you there's a voice you use Yeah, there's other people around huh? It would be like what?
No, no, no, we landed. Yeah. So, and like, and they start talking full volume. Yeah. There's people who go like, oh yeah, you don't do that. And then there's people who are like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. So those are those people, the people who just, it doesn't register to. Yeah. And there's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. You could explain it to them 10 times and they would be like,
I don't get it. Yeah. Yeah. And those people are having great lives. Yeah, they are. They're totally distracted by. Yeah. They're not worried about anybody or they don't, they just do shit their way. Yeah. And it's way better than thinking and being considerate. The best is when I, I've been on flights where like you land and that exact thing happens. The person starts a crazy loud conversation and you can just look over at somebody who's like,
Yeah. That feels nice. Like we're the same. I get it. I wouldn't do this either. Yeah. Yeah. But it's usually, yeah, I don't want to, I don't want to say what I was going to say. Okay. Um, any other, look at that. Look at that. Pretty cool line. That cool is cool. It's very cool. Thanks. Thanks so much. Yeah. Um, all right. Well, we should just tell everybody once again, crazy good is streaming now on Netflix. You can also watch, uh,
Have you had any really good blocks lately? Burr. Burr was good? Burr was great, yeah. I remember we talked about one of the things, I'll just pat my own back here, is you're like, oh, you came here to do, you actually did the show. Yes. And you said some people show up and they don't want to do the premise. The premise of the show is things that make you feel like something's wrong with you. And some people just don't. Some people just don't. Yeah.
But he was good? Yeah, he was good. He didn't have specific things, but he's been more forthcoming about what makes him feel like something's wrong with him. Yeah. So that'd be a good one to listen to. Yeah, it's great. Okay. What do you got? You got anything you want to promote? What do I have? I'm on tour right now. Great. There's a bunch of dates coming up. Great. Oh, next month, May...
Ninth I'm at the forum in Los Angeles as part of the Netflix is a joke comedy festival. Mm-hmm Mm-hmm get tickets all information is Thompson. I come out such tour Are you doing Netflix as a joke? I'm not just something but yeah, I just had some out like when you're like I might do something and it'll be like you and Eddie Murphy No, I'm not doing shit. Okay Yeah
It's always fun to see you, man. Yeah, man. Me too. And let's, I want to talk to you about all the other stuff too. Get out of here. Audience. Send Bert your best wishes. He's recovering. Pray for Bert. Pray for Bert. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes to the top of the swath, the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave.