Why Doing New Things Feels So Hard!
The Positive Pants Podcast
Shownotes Transcript
Why doing new things feels so hard
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Doing new things feels hard right?
Like you’re pushing water uphill.
All the gremlins and mean inner chat comes to the surface.
All the self sabotage occurs...am I right?!
This is whenever we do anything new. A new course, a new business, a new programme, a new diet, a new job, investing in yourself for the first time, Making a big decision, a new anything really!
It’s an inevitable part of the process of doing things outside your comfort zone.
Annoying right?
But the worst thing about it is how much we internalise it so much. We make it something wrong or negative about ourselves, our identity. Who we are at a core level!
We blame ourselves, make it our ‘fault’ because we don’t fully understand these thoughts and feelings, I mean why would you, it’s all happening unconsciously, but when you can understand, be aware, be conscious and observe the thoughts for what they really are rather than judging them or taking them personally it really is a game changer. Then you know that it IS an inevitable part of the process, but one you know how to handle.
AND, that it’s OK.
You just need to know how to handle it a little better.
That’s all.
Understanding and having a couple of tools in your toolbox to help you through the tough bit.
When you have that, the gremlins quieten down and things become so much easier.
You don’t get overwhelmed.
You don’t sabotage yourself so easily.
You don’t allow those thoughts to dictate your behaviour.
You don’t quit!
This has been coming up for me this week because i’ve been seeing lots of people in the Race To recurring Revenue having mini freak outs about not having all the answers straight away.
It's one of the reasons the challenge and the one to many course is so great because there are so many other people there to give you the perspective you need to get moving again.
But for as many people who were wearing their honesty pants and asking for help, I KNOW there were others who won’t have.
Through fear of judgement, shame, not wanting to seem ‘new’, for whatever reason. This episode is for you.
I want to change the way you see these situations so it’s easier for you next time.
You don’t have to sit back and feel not good enough. Ever.
You don’t need to feel like you can’t ask for help. Ever.
You don’t need to feel like the best option is to give up when you don’t have all the answers straight away. Ever.
So my intention is to give you a little reframe and make you feel like you’re not so alone in these thoughts and feelings so hopefully, you can see a way forward.
I’m going to talk you through some of the MOST common things that I see when people are feeling ‘new’ or out of their depth in some way, so hopefully, you know you aren’t crazy...and you’re not alone!
Comparing yourself to other people.
The comparison trap is a pain in the butt. Why do we do it to ourselves?
We can be brand new at something and expect ourselves to be an expert straight away?
It triggers us to see other people who we perceive to be ‘further along’ or ‘better’ than we are. Sometimes the jealousy monster rears its ugly head.
It’s important when you feel triggered by this to take a deep belly breath. And remind yourself you’re new. Step one. You aren’t supposed to have all the answers yet and there will be a day in the not too distant future when people will be comparing themselves to you. You’ve just got to keep going.
Overwhelming ourselves.
Overwhelm with anything new is inevitable! BUT, when you can recognise it and take a little step back it’s going to help hugely.
If you can step back and just look at the FIRST next thing to do, break it down further and just focus on one foot in front of the other then you’re always going to keep moving.
It sounds simplistic but it’s a game changer. I’m always asking myself if I have lots on my plate. What’s the one thing I want or need to get done today that’s going to move me forwards. So it’s always a focus on ONE thing.
Procrastination and avoidance.
We all love this one right? Avoiding doing the very thing that could get us what we want?
We might sign up to a challenge of a course, and that makes us feel like we’ve taken action….but really we don’t do it. It sits there, making us feel bad for not doing it ha!
So the thing that’s important here is to understand and dig into what’s really underneath it, so we can time block in the thing and DO it. Is it fear? Is it you don’t really want to do it?
Lack of confidence.
Please don’t let this one get in your way. The biggest thing I think people don’t 100% get is that confidence comes from doing.
Plain and simple. It’s being ok with taking a couple of missteps or stumbles and knowing that you will always keep getting better.
Your first live video, your first social media post, your first anything you’re not going to feel completely confident. But it DOES come! Hey if I can do it from where I was then you definitely can!
Now onto a few of the most common thoughts I see beneath the behaviours.
I’m not good enough.
Ooof. This hits us right between the eyes doesn’t it! But it’s so, so SO common.
It’s been one of my biggest gremlins over the years.
This is where it’s helpful to work out where that came from, what caused us to think it in the first place. Can you remember the first time you felt it? Can you remember a time where you didn’t feel that way?
The reality, and I mean this, is you ARE good enough. You are more than good enough. We all are. We just sometimes need to work through some mind sludge to know that. If someone else can do something it’s absolutely possible for you.
That’s a stupid idea, it’ll never work.
In my opinion there is no such thing as a stupid idea in this context. Even if it’s not an idea at the stage that it will make money, or give you the kind of life you want, dig into it a bit more.
I think of it like when I used to make my jewellery in my first business. Experimenting or getting things wrong often created the most amazing pieces. A happy accident became one of my favourite pieces to make, and a best seller.
So it’s the same here really. It may not be fully formed yet but it COULD be the start of something that WOULD work. Let it be a spark rather than a fully formed idea. Don’t just shut it down until you’ve really thought about it or done your research, there’s a reason the idea came to you in the first place so you might as well explore it!
Brainstorm it with someone else. Try and see if there are any stories you’re telling yourself around why it wouldn’t work. Is anyone else already doing it or anything similar?
I can’t because…
This is where excuses start to get in the way. I don’t have time, I don’t know how.
When you can recognise the real truth behind these thoughts and statements you can easily push through them. Are they really true? What’s a more helpful way to look at them? ‘I don’t have time’ becomes, I always find time for things that I prioritise, so I'll time block it into my diary.
‘I don’t know how’ becomes, everyone starts somewhere and I will work out how and ask for help if I need it.
If all of this is playing out underneath it makes total sense why you feel overwhelmed and aren’t taking action right?!
But the reality is, we all go through the same process with anything new. The only difference is how long we spend in each of the inevitable steps.
The next thing to remember is your ego will ALWAYS try to keep you safe.
Whatever your version of safe is.
That’s determined by numerous factors including your relationship to primary caregivers and siblings growing up. Traumas you’ve experienced. What you’ve modelled from where, when and how you grew up.
So there’s things to unpick, absolutely, but it’s not WHO you are at a core level. You can change it.
I’ve talked about this next part on the podcast before but I think it’s fundamental to helping you get through the icky sticky pieces of doing new stuff. Which always feels scary.
So, here we go with the 4 stages of learning.
Unconscious incompetence.
Blissful ignorance. This is the part where you’re all bright eyed and bushy tailed about the possibilities.
So when you first join a challenge or a course for example and you’re all hyped up and excited.
Conscious incompetence.
This is where everything I've talked about so far comes to the surface.
Your ego is in overdrive trying to protect you, and it does that by making it very difficult to go outside your comfort zone.
You feel very painfully aware of all the things you DON’T know.
BUT, when you know this, it’s easier to dissociate from the emotions involved which helps you move forwards.
Conscious Competence.
You’re on a bit of a roll now but it’s still slightly uncomfortable because it’s not habitual yet. The confidence is definitely growing but you’re not in the ‘zone’ just yet with everything. You know what you’re doing but it doesn’t feel easy and flowy just yet.
Unconscious competence.
Now you’re off to the races. You know what you’re doing. You know how to repeat it. You know how to troubleshoot. You just know your stuff. Ease. Flow.
These 4 stages are inevitable. As long as you keep going. How long you spend in each stage is individual but you will go through each stage.
The bottom line here is the best thing to do is to just KEEP GOING. Because if you do that one thing, you WILL get there.
Just understand the process. Understand it’s not anything that’s ‘wrong’ with you.
Understand that if you just keep going, you’ll get there! We all start somewhere. You won’t be ‘new’ forever.
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