005 - How to be More Resilient
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Having to Bounce back is something I’m pretty familiar with.

It used to be that if something bad happened or didn’t quite go according to plan then I would plummet into a pit of despair and self-pity. I would catastrophise and think that life would ‘never be the same again’. I’d ‘sushi roll’ myself into my duvet and wait for things to get better. OK, I’ll Be Honest, If You Haven’t Guessed…Resilience Was NOT One Of My Strong Points. BUT, I now know that resilience is something you can absolutely LEARN, even if it feels like the most unnatural thing in the world to you right now.

I had never been great at bouncing back from anything throughout my life (bullying at school, not doing well in exams, heartbreak, not getting a job I wanted, friends letting me down, the usual sort of thing!)

But, It was only a few years ago when things started to go REALLY wrong and I had to start dealing with setback after setback (losing my job, losing my home and moving in with my mother-in-law, losing a business, huge betrayal from people I trusted, a bad car accident, having no money, bullying bosses…the list goes on). Grown up stuff you don’t think you’ll need to deal with so you’re COMPLETELY unprepared for.

Everything that happened over that period has led me down the path i’m on now, doing something I absolutely love, coaching other women through what’s holding them back and helping them completely change their thought processes to live their best lives.  I Now Look Back On ALL Of The Bad Times With Tremendous Gratitude…Weird Right?! In all honesty, I would say my resilience is now one of my absolute greatest strengths and something else i’m VERY grateful for. It allows me to tackle any problems head on, I can always find a good lesson to learn and I have the ability to find a positive in any situation…and I can do it very VERY quickly! You can too….really you can!

I’ve literally trained my brain to be more resilient. It’s like training a muscle, the more you work it the bigger and better it gets and the easier and more natural it becomes to use. Now, It Took A Lot Of Time And Trial And Error But Here Are The Top Things That I Have Learned And Use That Will Help You Flex Your Resilience Muscle! – Realise you have a choice. You can wallow in it or choose to look for a way forward. It really is YOUR choice.

– Look for the lesson. There is ALWAYS something you can learn and grow from, find what it is and use it as a positive way to move forward

– Ask yourself what you CAN control about the situation. If it’s nothing…GREAT! What’s the point in dwelling if you can’t do anything about it, accept there is nothing you can do and move on!

– Remember that by going through hard things you come out stronger. It’s called post traumatic growth. Yes this is actually a ‘thing’!!

– Find evidence of someone else who has gone through similar or worse and come out the other side.

– Get grateful. Write down all the things you are already grateful for in your life and get yourself focusing on all the good stuff rather than the negative situation you’re in right now.

– Get through the day with ‘3 good things’. Every day write down 3 good things that happened, you’ll start to find yourself looking for them rather than dwelling!

– Ask yourself, will this matter next year? Next month? Next week? Tomorrow?

– Don’t bottle it up! A problem shared is a problem halved.

– Distract yourself. Give yourself something else to do other than think about the problem you’re facing.

– Practice Mindfulness and start noticing all the little things around you.

– Do something that makes you laugh or feel good! You can’t feel happy and sad at the same time…fact!

– Choose not to be a victim.

– Know the feeling won’t last forever.

– Put someone else in your shoes! If your best friend were in your position, what would you be saying? What advice would you be giving?

– Perspective. There is always someone in a worse place or situation than you are, keep that perspective!

– Sometimes on the way to the dream you get lost and find a better one. If you can trust that whatever is happening can lead to something bigger and better you will feel a huge sense of comfort and it’s one of the best ways to flex that resilience and bounce back fast!

At the end of the day you can’t often control what happens to you…but you CAN control how you choose to react to it!

If you’re struggling to see the positives at the moment download my FREE ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ daily journal below. It’s based in positive psychology and can help you get back to ‘you’ and will also help you flex that resilience muscle some more! Just print it out, put it by your bed and spend 5 minutes every evening writing it and see how things start to shift.

To find out more about resilience and bouncing back click here).